Participant Workbookeitraining.net/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/Sample-nc-pw.pdfA Skills-Based...

NavigatingConflict

Participant Workbook

A Skills-Based Approach

E�ectivenessInstitute

Delivering measurable improvement in the way individuals, teams and organizations perform


Delivering measurable improvement in the way individuals, teams and organizations performSAMPLE

Published by

The Effectiveness Institute, Inc.320 120th Avenue NE

Bldg. B, Suite 202Bellevue, WA 98005

(425) 641-7620Email: [email protected]

All rights reserved.No part of this material may be reproduced, stored in any retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic,

mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of The Effectiveness Institute, Inc.


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WHY WE’RE HERE

copyright © 2018 1Participant Workbook


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OUR RELATIONSHIP TO CONFLICT

Learning to better Navigate Conflict is not an easy step to take. Negative associations with conflict are common because of unpleasant, even painful past experiences. These can influence us to avoid conflict, or to “come out swinging.” However, building an awareness of the benefits to conflict is one way to begin thinking differently about it.

With your tablemates generate:

Reasons People Avoid ConflictExamples:

• Fear of retribution

• Fear of failing

• Fear of hurting someone else

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Possible Benefits of ConflictExamples:

• Greater self-respect

• Reduction of “group think”

• Increased confidence

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copyright © 20182 Participant Workbook


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OBJECTIVES

• Understand the source and nature of conflict.

• Discover how you typically respond to conflict.

• Become familiar with and practice skills that enable you to effectively navigate conflict.

• Create a plan for applying your key learnings.

AGENDA

Module 1: Anatomy of Conflict

Module 2: Requirements for Navigating Conflict

Module 3: Skills for Navigating Conflict



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DEFINITIONS OF CONFLICT

GoogleA serious disagreement or argument, typically a protracted one.

American Heritage DictionaryA state of disagreement and disharmony; a clash…

Dictionary.comIncompatibility or interference, as of one idea, desire, event, or activity with another.

“My awareness of, and response to, conflict will ultimately contribute to a

productive or unproductive outcome.”

TOM CHAMPOUX CO-FOUNDER

EFFECTIVENESS INSTITUTE



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MODULE 1: ANATOMY OF CONFLICT

OBJECTIVES• Identify the triggers to conflict.

• Explore some typical reactions to conflict.

• Complete a Conflict Inventory.

• Continue working on your Case Study.

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TRIGGERS TO CONFLICT

1.

2.

Examples of Triggers in the Workplace

Expectation Behavior

UNMETEXPECTATIONS

• Meetings should start on time. • A colleague is late for a meeting.

• Email responses are expected within one business day.

• A colleague consistently doesn’t respond to your e-mails for 2-3 days.

• All members of the team are invited to social events.

• You are not invited to a spontaneously planned after-work party.

• When work is exceptional, it should be recognized.

• You exceed all expectations on a project and there is no acknowledgment.



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TRIGGERS TO CONFLICT

Value Behavior

VALUESVIOLATION

Integrity: People want to do good work.

• A colleague accuses you of purposefully sabotaging the outcome of a project.

Respect: Allow people to finish speaking before responding.

• A team-member repeatedly interrupts you when you express your opinions.

Honesty: Make sure others know what they need to know.

• A colleague withholds information that would have prevented you from making a mistake.

Dignity: Don’t criticize someone’s performance in public.

• A manager reprimands you in the hallway and everyone within 20 feet hears it.



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REACTIONS TO CONFLICT

Ignore, Avoid, Placate, Pacify

Attack, Blame, Criticize, Accuse

Problem or issue grows and triggers . . .

�� Reactive behavior/decision �� Short-term focus�� Only the information on hand

RESULT�� Band-aid solution�� Loss of _________________�� Time lost to “fixing”

�� Diminished willingness�� Reduced _________________�� Decrease in efficiency



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POSSIBLE OUTCOMES

The ultimate consequences of unproductive reactions to conflict are WIN-LOSE, LOSE-WIN, and ultimately, LOSE-LOSE. There are no long-term wins for both parties.

Regardless of who “wins,” the knowledge, skills, talents and experiences of both parties are not shared openly in reactive responses to conflict. This negatively impacts the trust and respect between the parties involved and diminishes organizational creativity and productivity.

WIN - LOSE

LOSE - WIN

LOSE - LOSE



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CONFLICT INVENTORY

InstructionsWe know that an individual’s response to conflict is situational. Given that, please review each of the responses to conflict described below and circle the letter in the first box at the end of the sentence if it describes a behavior you tend to demonstrate when you are in conflict situations.

Admit you are wrong (even if you do not believe that you are). A A

Make sure the other person gets your point. B B

Gain commitment to come back to the issue at a later time if there is not agreement. C C

Immediately apologize to the other person. A A

Tell them your perspective until the other person understands it. B B

Avoid the individual and/or situation entirely, hoping that it will “blow over.” A A

Use your position or authority to “win” an argument. B B

Change the subject. A A

Consider the other person’s point of view. C C

Continue to discuss the issue until you feel it is resolved. B B

Ensure that you understand the expectations of the other person. C C

Escalate the issue to someone with greater authority (who you think will agree with you). B B

Gain permission from the other person to invite a third party into the discussion. C C

Give in to the other person. A A

Listen and/or ask questions to understand the disagreement from the other person’s perspective. C C

Pretend there is no conflict—ignore any tension that’s being exhibited by the other person. A A



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Add up the total number of letters you circled for each letter and write them here:

TOTAL

A

B

C

Demonstrate to the other person that you understand their point of view. C C

Pretend to agree with the other person. A A

Respond with sarcasm. B B

Try to find out specifically on what you agree and disagree to narrow down the conflict. C C

Say whatever is necessary to make the other person go away. A A

Try to turn the conflict into a joke. B B

Spend time thinking and discussing with the other person how you came to disagree. C C

Take on the conflict as a challenge. B B

Try to reach a deeper level of clarity on the issue with the other person. C C

Involve others to get the individual to change his/her mind. B B

Retreat and hope the issue is resolved by others. A A

“A”s =

“B”s =

“C”s =

_______________________

TOTAL

A

B

C



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MODULE 1: SUMMARY

• My awareness of and response to conflict will ultimately contribute to a productive or unproductive outcome.

• Triggers to conflict are:

� Unmet Expectations

� Values Violation

• People respond to conflict in many ways, depending upon the situation, but lean toward one or two patterns.



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MODULE 2: REQUIREMENTS FOR NAVIGATING CONFLICT

OBJECTIVES• Identify two “background” variables that help predict the likelihood of successful

conflict outcomes.

• Review seven fundamentals that help you navigate conflict effectively.

• Apply these fundamentals to your Case Study.

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“Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict.”

WILLIAM ELLERY CHANNING, POET



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RIVER OF CONFLICT



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BRAIN RESEARCH

First Priority: ______________________________________________Research in the field of neuroscience has identified the first priority of every healthy brain. The centrality of this core driver is evident in many of our actions.

For example, consider the automatic response of the human body when there is a loud, unexpected noise behind us or a sudden unexpected motion nearby. In both of these potentially dangerous situations, the need for protection and safety automatically takes over. We instinctively jump and look to see what’s behind us, or our head snaps to the side so we can visually see if the moving object might be dangerous.

Since safety is such a primal need, we must create and maintain a safe environment for ourselves and others when conflict emerges. A sense of safety allows us to navigate conflict and capitalize on the opportunities it creates.



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CREATING SAFETY

____________________________ ____________________________

The ability to demonstrate:

the ____________________________ _______________________________

at the ___________________________ time

to meet the ____________________ needs

of the _____________________________

and the _______________ in the ________________________

in _________________ _____________________.

E I



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SEVEN FUNDAMENTALS

The following items are useful for any conflict situation, from the simplest to the most complex. Incorporating these into your communication in conflict will help you reach win-win outcomes.

�� Frame of Reference�� Questions �� Listening Attentively�� Positive Language�� Paraphrasing�� Fully Functional�� Focus

“When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail.”

ABRAHAM MASLOW, PSYCHOLOGIST



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FRAME OF REFERENCE

The term “Frame of Reference” has more than one formal definition. In the context of this workshop, it is used to indicate the difference of perspective two individuals may have on a subject or issue.

A simple example might be how someone from an accounting department with a background in finance might view unused inventory as an ineffective use of capital that would be better utilized elsewhere, versus someone who needs to ship inventory to customers on short notice and wants reserves that allow for expedient service. In both instances, each party is looking at the same inventory, but their Frames of Reference are different and each has good reasons for viewing the inventory as they do.

“We do not see things as they are; we see things as we are.”

ANAIS NIN, AUTHOR



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THE MYSTERY*

The chef had just locked the front door of a restaurant when a man appeared and repeatedly asked to be let in. The owner opened the door. The man demanded money. The contents of the cash register were stuffed in a bag and the man sped away. A member of the police force was called.

For each statement, circle either T for True (it’s a fact), F for False (it is incorrect) or ? for Not Enough Information.

The way you navigate conflict will be aided by having a mindset of:

• Problem solving vs. ___________________________ and ___________________________.

• Inquiry vs. ___________________________.

*Based on the work of William V. Haney, 1955, 1979

Alone With Others

1. A man appeared after the owner locked the door. T F ? T F ?

2. The robber was a man. T F ? T F ?

3. The man who opened the door was the chef. T F ? T F ?

4. A man demanded money. T F ? T F ?

5. While the cash register contained money, the story does not state how much. T F ? T F ?

6. After the money was stuffed in the bag, the man ran away. T F ? T F ?



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QUESTIONS

When you are trying to understand someone’s Frame of Reference, it is essential to ask questions. The types of questions you ask and when you ask them are important variables to success.

There are two types of commonly used questions, Closed and Open.

Closed-Ended QuestionsClosed-ended questions lead to a yes, no or brief response. They can be used to gather or clarify facts and verify information but do not encourage the sharing of additional information. They focus on the frame of reference of the person asking the question.

Open-Ended QuestionsOpen-ended questions typically generate longer responses with more information than closed-ended questions. They encourage the sharing of information and often include opinions and/or feelings; they are helpful in gaining a fuller understanding of someone’s perspective. They focus on the frame of reference of the person being asked the question.

Closed-Ended Open-Ended

Examples:

• Do you understand how significant this is?• Did you talk directly to the person involved?• Was there a reason for not involving me?

Examples:

• What concerns, if any, do you have about this situation?

• Who have you spoken with so far and what has been the response?

• How have you addressed the problem up to this point?

Advantages:

• Require little time investment• Can quickly validate a fact or information

Advantages:

• Allow for the sharing of more complete information

• Encourage a more open response, including opinions and feelings (which can build trust)

Disadvantages:

• May provide incomplete information resulting in false assumptions

• Can often feel like a loaded or leading question, which can trigger a defensive or reactive response

• Discourage disclosure

Disadvantages:

• Can be time consuming• May provide unnecessary information



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LISTENING

Actively listening and asking questions accomplishes two things:

1. Provides data by helping us understand what they are saying, doing, thinking and feeling.

2. Builds goodwill by demonstrating that we are actively engaged and trying to understand their perspective.

Do’s and Don’tsBeing attentive toward the other person is one of the most effective ways to demonstrate listening. Attentiveness includes many, if not all, of the following characteristics:

Establish appropriate __________________ __________________.

Block _______________ ___________________ (_______________ and ______________).

Verbally ______________________ comments (hmm, uh-huh, etc.).

Use open and receptive ___________ ___________________.

Refrain from __________________ __________________.

Don’t ____________________.

How are your listening skills?Place a * by one or two that you are already quite good at.

Place a by one or two that you can improve on.



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POSITIVE LANGUAGE

Use “and” instead of “but”Instead of: “That’s a good point, but we don’t have the budget.”

Say: “That’s a good point, and we’ll need to prioritize issues given our tight budget.”

When you can, swap positive language for negative languageInstead of: “That’s not a bad idea.”

Say: “That’s a good idea.”

Instead of: “We won’t be able to deliver two of the five reports by the Friday due date.”

Say: “We can deliver three of the reports by Friday and the other two by the following Wednesday.”

Use “I” languageInstead of: “You’re unreasonable.”

Say: “With my other priorities, I can’t meet that deadline.”

ACTIVITYRewrite the following sentences:

You’re a good worker technically, but your people skills are poor.

What’s your problem?

No, you misunderstood.



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PARAPHRASING

Once you believe you understand an individual’s Frame of Reference it is helpful to confirm the accuracy by paraphrasing. Paraphrasing is not repeating back what the other person said (i.e., parroting); it is briefly summarizing in your own words what you believe the individual has communicated.

To be well received, it’s essential for a paraphrase to come from a place of genuine desire to accurately reflect an individual’s Frame of Reference. The following is a simple paraphrasing formula that can be effective: “You’re (feelings) about (facts) ”, followed by a short question to confirm accuracy.

Examples

“You’re frustrated people are not responding to your emails. Is that correct?”

“You’re confused about what the client wants you to do. Is that right?”

“You’re anxious about the upcoming meeting. Is that correct?”



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FULLY FUNCTIONAL



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FOCUSWhen you are in a conflict conversation it is especially helpful to focus on the future (i.e., desired state) and fixing problems instead of on the past or present (i.e., current state), which “fixes” blame.



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MODULE 2: SUMMARY

• We must feel safe physically and emotionally in order to navigate conflict.

• The more intense the emotion, the greater the risk to trust and respect.

• Applying the seven fundamentals helps us to navigate conflict more effectively.

“I’m not afraid of storms, for I’m learning how to sail my ship.”

LOUISA MAY ALCOTT, NOVELIST



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“You drown not by falling into a river, but by staying submerged in it.”

PAULO COELHO



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MODULE 3: SKILLS FOR NAVIGATING CONFLICT

OBJECTIVES• Identify and explore four skills that deter conflict escalation and lead to positive

outcomes.

• Apply and practice using the skills.

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RIVER OF CONFLICT

Addressing a Variable

WIN-WIN

Creating Clear Expectations

Asking for Accountability

Managing Internal/ External Dynamics



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CREATING CLEAR EXPECTATIONS

Clear expectations are essential to the success of any and every relationship or team. If an individual is to meet someone’s expectations, he or she must be clear on the specific behaviors or results desired. If expectations are unclear, an individual may work very hard and do an excellent job achieving a result that was not wanted or desired.

It is also helpful to keep in mind that getting clear on expectations can be an iterative process.

Clear Expectations1. Are understood.

• Include the why, what, how, when, where and who• Clarify any discrepancy between current and desired state

2. Are specific and concrete.

• Within control of the individual• Isolate desired behavior and results• Clarify how the results will be measured• Establish a specific time frame

3. Are confirmed.

• Verify the individual understands the expectation(s)• Verify the individual is committed to meeting the expectation(s)



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GIVING CLEAR EXPECTATIONS

1. Prepare for the Skills PracticeThink of an expectation you had/have that was not met. Use the space below to outline the expectation you had.

2. Practice the SkillsChoose a partner and practice stating your expectation.

3. Debrief the Skills PracticeAsk your partner to verify that your expectations met the criteria for clarity:

• Were understood

• Were specific and concrete

• Were confirmed

Rotate until both of you have practiced the skills.

SKILLS PRACTICE

Why does the expectation exist?

What was the expectation?

How do you want the expectation met?

What other facts or details are important? Where? When? Who?



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GETTING CLEAR EXPECTATIONS

There are times when others expect things from us and we either misinterpret the expectation and perform work that is unnecessary, or we don’t understand that an expectation was even communicated. We can prevent these situations from occurring (both of which can lead to conflict) by taking the time to proactively gain clarity of expectations from others.

Read each of the examples below and write what you might say to gain greater clarity.

Example Expectation #1“You need to be more professional with customers.”

Example Expectation #2“We need to ramp up our Customer Service expectations.”

Example Expectation #3“You’re always so good at getting people on board. Would you talk to them about this?”



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ADDRESSING A VARIABLE

Even when we work very hard to establish clear expectations, there can be unanticipated variables or misunderstandings. When this happens, it creates an opportunity to gain greater clarity on the specifics so that each person has a more complete understanding of what is expected.

Oftentimes, there are situations where someone does something or behaves in a way that was not previously discussed or agreed upon in relation to the expectation. In this case, it is appropriate to seek further clarification. [Note: This step may be skipped if the expectation was clearly not met. In this case, it would be appropriate to use the Asking for Accountability skill.]

How to Address a Variable1. Start with “I.”

2. Explain new awareness.

3. Gain agreement (if there are changes).



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ADDRESSING A VARIABLE

1. Prepare for the Skills PracticeThink of a hypothetical or real variable from the expectation you wrote in Skills Practice / Giving Clear Expectations (page 32).

Use the space below to write out how you will address the variable. Remember that the most effective practice of this skill includes the following characteristics:

• Start with “I.”• Explain new awareness.• Gain agreement (if there are changes).

2. Practice the SkillsFind a partner and practice addressing the variable. [NOTE: Take a moment to explain the situation/context if you are using a new scenario or working with a new partner.]

3. Debrief the Skills PracticeAsk your partner to verify that you effectively addressed the variable by meeting the criteria outlined above. Also, ask your partner to tell you what else you could have done to improve your effectiveness.

SKILLS PRACTICE



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ASKING FOR ACCOUNTABILITY

When an expectation has been made clear, is understood and agreed to by both parties, yet the expectation is not met, then an accountability conversation is necessary. If this conversation doesn’t occur, the unaddressed issue can influence future interactions and inevitably cause an erosion of trust and respect. In addition, not addressing an unmet expectation communicates it was not very important, and you miss an opportunity to gain more information.

The key is to ask for accountability instead of trying to hold the other party accountable. Holding implies a power position that reduces dignity and requires over-functioning, while asking maintains the dignity and respect of both parties. This is appropriate and helpful even if you do not have reporting line authority.

How to Ask for Accountability1. Start with “I.”

2. State the feeling you have.

a. Start with a less intense feeling (i.e., frustrated, confused)

b. PAUSE

3. Clarify the difference between expected and actual behavior.

a. Avoid “you”

b. Use first or third person

4. Ask for clarification and provide a W.O.W.D. (way out with dignity).

a. Volume at “3”b. Muscles relaxedc. Use a question

5. Gain agreement on the course of action.



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Example Statement #1I’m confused. (PAUSE) When we met two weeks ago to discuss next steps, I understood we had an agreement to get back to each other within two days if either of us had any concerns. I didn’t hear anything for a week, so I went ahead with the plan. Today I received your email saying there wasn’t a chance to give input. Would you help me understand where we got off track?

Example Statement #2I’m frustrated. (PAUSE) We had agreed that I’d get the proof of the graphic by noon yesterday, but I didn’t get it until the end of the day. I ended up working on it until 8:00 last night when I had other plans. What happened?

Example Statement #3I’m concerned. (PAUSE) We met twice last month to get clear on the importance I place on meeting our deadlines. I thought we had an explicit understanding that if a deadline was going to be missed I’d hear about it at least a day before. I just learned another deadline was missed. Help me understand what’s going on?



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ASKING FOR ACCOUNTABILITY AND CONSEQUENCES

Where do consequences come in and how can they be introduced in a way that continues to be respectful and problem-solving oriented? Applying consequences suggests that doing so is part of your role, and depending on the issue, you may not get to this stage until several rounds of clarifying and dealing with unmet expectations.

How to Introduce Consequences• If appropriate, create and communicate consequences if the issue reoccurs. There should

be no surprises; the next step needs to be very clear.

• If the issue is corrected, recognize or thank them. If improvement is made, that should always be acknowledged.

• If the issue continues, apply the consequence. A plan was put in place, now it is time to follow it. This isn’t about punishment; it’s about accountability.

• Communicate with language that maintains dignity. All the guidelines for positive, appropriate, clear language still apply.

While the other person is not likely to be comfortable about reaching this step, the message can still be delivered in a respectful manner. It might sound something like:

“We’ve met several times and agreed on how to resolve this problem, yet the problem is still happening. If this happens again, I will need to document it in your performance evaluation. To avoid that, is there anything else we need to do or put in place?”

Note: This process assumes the concern does not require immediate termination or other formal or legal processes.



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ASKING FOR ACCOUNTABILITY

1. Prepare for the Skills PracticeA. Imagine the expectation you created on page 32 was not met.

B. Write what you would say to ask for accountability. Remember that the most effective practice of this skill includes the following characteristics:

• Start with “I”• State the feeling• Clarify the difference between expected and actual behavior.• Ask for clarification and provide a W.O.W.D. (way out with dignity).

SKILLS PRACTICE



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2. Practice Asking for Accountability

SpeakerA. Briefly explain the situation to your Partner and Observer.B. Ask for accountability to the partner using your notes to guide you.

PartnerA. Listen to the situation that is being shared by the Speaker.B. Role-play the other person as described by the Speaker as they ask for accountability.

ObserverA. Listen to the situation that is being shared by the Speaker.B. Observe as the Speaker role-plays with the Partner. C. Lead the debrief of the role-play as outlined below.

3. Debrief the Skills PracticeAs the Observer, ask for observations in the following order, from the: 1) Speaker, 2) the Partner, 3) yourself.

A. Ask the Speaker to state what went well, what he/she would change next time to improve the results of the action.

B. Ask the Partner to state what went well, what he/she would suggest the Speaker do to improve the results of the skill when used in the future.

C. State what, from your perspective, went well, and what the Speaker could do to improve his/her skills in the future.

Notes



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MANAGING INTERNAL / EXTERNAL DYNAMICS

Most of us make assumptions about someone’s perceptions, intentions, emotions, beliefs and thoughts, which are internal, based on what we externally see and hear. External information includes facial expressions, body language and vocal aspects, such as words used, intonation and volume.

While it is normal in day-to-day conversations to respond with a certain level of assumption, it is dangerous to do so in conflict, especially when you are triggered. You are defining or implying someone’s internal state from your own Frame of Reference, and this usually triggers defensiveness.

NOTE: You may talk about:

• YOUR internals (without blaming)• OTHERS’ externals



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+ =ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT INTERNALS

BOUNDARY VIOLATION

HEIGHTENED/TRIGGERED EMOTIONS

If you need to discuss behavior . . .• Be clear, specific (use examples), and objective about their behavior.

• Make no assumptions about their internals.

• Avoid blaming when describing your internals.

Avoiding Boundary Violation PracticeRewrite the following sentences:

• Your interrupting shows your disrespect for others.

• You’re constantly missing meetings. You just don’t care, do you?

• My self-confidence is being damaged by all of your critical comments.



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STAYING WITHIN BOUNDARIES

Together with your group, re-write the following boundary violation comments, making sure your answer does not assume how the speaker is feeling or thinking.

External Behavior Reactive Response Improved Response

At a team meeting, Chris rolls his eyes when you make the following statement, “We all have to do our part to make this work.”

“Apparently some of you don’t feel the same way.”

You’re meeting with Eve, a co-worker, on a report that was originally due in one week. When you tell her the date was moved up to two days from now, she glares at you and shakes her head.

“Hey, don’t get mad at me! It’s not my fault the date was pushed up.”

You and Del, a colleague, are having a project-planning meeting scheduled to last 60 minutes. After 25 minutes Del glances at his watch a couple of times.

“It looks like you have something more important to do.“



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SKILLS PRACTICE


1. Prepare for the Skills PracticeA. Think of an actual or possible situation in which you would deliver a difficult message to

someone. The situation should be one that is emotionally challenging for you.

B. Use the space below to write what you would say.

C. Select 1-2 behaviors in the right hand column that would be challenging for you to experience from the person you would deliver the message to.

What will you say? Behavior

�Interrupting

�Sarcasm

�Withdrawing

�Ignoring

�Condescending

�Blaming

�Analyzing

�Cynical

�Defensive

�Aggressive

�Passive-Aggressive

�Dismissive

�Irrational

�______________________



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2. Practice Managing Internal / External DynamicsSpeaker

A. Briefly explain the situation from page 44.

B. Role-play the situation with your Partner.

C. Try to respond to their behavior and reach understanding without violating the internal/external boundaries.

D. If you get to an impasse, start again.

Partner

A. Role-play demonstrating the difficult behavior identified by the Speaker on page 44.

B. Keep your behavior within reason. If the Speaker is being effective, then respond appropriately.

Observer

Lead the debrief in the following order:

1. Ask the Speaker to share what went well and could have gone better.

2. Ask the Partner to share her/his observations.

3. Share any additional things you notice.



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MODULE 3: SUMMARY

• There are many different skills we can use to respond to conflict and contribute to a productive outcome:

♦ Creating Clear Expectations ♦ Addressing a Variable ♦ Asking for Accountability ♦ Managing Internal / External Dynamics

• All of the skills we’ve learned, if practiced and applied, will help build trust and respect AND enable us to navigate conflict.



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WRAP-UP

OBJECTIVES• Identify skills or tools that would have been (or will be) most useful with your Case Study.

• Identify key learnings from the workshop as a whole.

• Introduce resources that can help you apply what you’ve learned.

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KEY TAKEAWAYS

In today’s class, we covered skills that help make conflict a win-win:

• Frame of Reference

• Open-Ended Questions

• Listening Attentively

• Positive Language

• Paraphrasing

• Fully Functional Relationships

• Future Focused

• Creating Clear Expectations

• Addressing a Variable

• Asking for Accountability

• Managing Internal / External Dynamics

What are your key takeaways? How and when do you plan to develop these new skills (be specific)? Be prepared to share one with your table group.

How:

When:



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APPENDIX

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“It’s better to know some of the questions than to know all the answers.”

JAMES THURBER, HUMORIST



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BACKGROUNDBriefly, what is happening (who, what, when, where, why)?

Was your reaction: Fight, Flight (reactive) or Proactive ?Was their reaction: Fight, Flight (reactive) or Proactive ?Might you and the other person have a different Frame of Reference? Describe.

Can you identify the triggers for yourself? For the other person? Was there a:• values violation? • unclear expectation? • unanticipated variable?Write them out:

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE AND SAFETYIs there history where your behavior was not emotionally intelligent?

How can you plan to make your encounter safe for yourself? How can you keep your behavior grounded and emotionally intelligent?

Can you take steps to make it “safer” for them? Explain.



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NAVIGATING CONFLICT WORKSHEET

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NAVIGATING CONFLICT WORKSHEETTHE PLANIf it was an unclear expectation, write out how it can be clarified.

If it was a variable:

• Start with “I.”

• Explain the new awareness.

• Your initial thoughts on gaining agreement.

Do you need to Ask for Accountability?

• Start with I.• State your feeling.• Clarify the difference between expected and actual.• Ask for clarification.• Gain agreement.

WHAT YOU’LL SAYWrite out your opening statements and questions.



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NAVIGATING CONFLICT SELF-ASSESSMENT

SELF-ASSESSMENTHow did you do? Was a win-win achieved? What follow-up will you do? Did you:

• Listen attentively?• Use positive rather than negative language?

• And vs. But• I vs. You• Concrete and Specific

• Stay future focused?• Managed the internal/external dynamics?

If the issue was not resolved, what are your next steps?

Is there anything you could have done differently (lesson learned)?

Note at least one thing you did well.



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LIST OF REFERENCES

Buckingham, Marcus, and Curt Coffman. First Break All the Rules: What the World’s Greatest Managers Do Differently. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster, 1999.

Crum, Thomas. The Magic of Conflict: Turning a Life of Work into a Work of Art. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster, 1998.

Goldsmith, Marshall. Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts - Becoming the Person You Want to Be. New York, NY: Crown Publishing Group, 2015.

Goleman, Daniel, Richard E. Boyatzis, Annie McKee. Primal Leadership: Learning to Lead With Emotional Intelligence. Boston, MA: Harvard Business Review Press, 2004.

Harper, Gary. The Joy of Conflict Resolution: Transforming Victims, Villains and Heroes in the Workplace and at Home. Gabriola Island, BC, Canada: New Society Publishers, 2004.

Herman, Amy. Visual Intelligence: Sharpen Your Perception, Change Your LIfe. New York, NY: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2016,

Medina, John. Brain Rules. Seattle, WA: Pear Press, 2008.

Patterson, Kerry and Joseph Grenny. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill Education, 2011.

Stone, Douglas, and Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen, and Roger Fisher. Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. New York, NY: Penguin Books, 2000.



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CONTACT US

T 425.641.7620F 425.747.0439

[email protected]





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