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Way’s to eliminate one word responses from your child

Troubled Son A Father Share His Story

Helping parents and their children do well

CASTIEL WINER

Mom: How was school today John?

John: Good

Mom: What did you do in school today?

John: Nothing or I do not know

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Solutions

10 Questions to ask your child about his or her day at school

Let’s Talk

Get CreativeExplore with your child using activities from school

Sharing TimeParents share their own personal stories

The One Word Game

What Did You do in School Today?

One Word Response Game

#1 Questions that’s on every parent’s mind

I Do Not Know

One Word Response Game

Oh, parents! They’ve known you since you were in dia-

pers and someday your kids will call them Grandma and Grand-pa. But what about now? Parent View wanted to know how kids felt about mom and dad, so we asked a big group of boys and girls a bunch of questions.

Here's what 855 kids, ages 9 to 13, had to say:•Most kids said their parents love them — big time. Nearly 90% of kids said their mom loves them a lot.

•Far fewer kids — only 8% — said their mom only loved them some and 4% said their mom loved them a little or not at all.

•When it came to dads, nearly 90% of kids said their dad loved them a lot.

•Again, fewer kids (8%) said their dads loved them only some and another 8% said their dads loved them a little or not at all.

TOO Many Questions

So most kids feel the love from mom and dad. But here's the not-so-good news: More than half of the kids said their parents ask too many questions about what's go-ing on in their lives. As in, "How was your day at school?" or "Did you do well at practice today?" or "Do you have a boyfriend (or girlfriend), sweetie?"

About one-third of kids said their parents ask them just the

We're pretty sure that all kids like the fact that their parents love them and are interested in their lives. So why did so many kids say they don't like the ques-tions? One reason is that kids between ages 9 and 13 start to share this kind of stuff with friends, so they sometimes don't feel as much like talking to their parents about it.

Parents often say their kids give them one-word answers. (The parent asks, "What hap-pened at school, today?" and the kid says, "Nothing.") Do you ever do that?

right number of questions and 17% said they wish their parents would ask them more about what's going on in their lives.

Spending Time Together

On the bright side for par-ents, just about all kids did say they enjoy doing stuff with their mom and dad. About 73% said they like do-ing stuff with both parents, while 12% preferred to

a few days a week (28%) or hardly ever or never (19%).

spend time with mom only and 9% liked being only with dad.

If your mom or dad is looking for more chances to spend time with you, here are two good ways to do it:•family meals•events at your school

About half of kids said they have meals with their parents at least once a day. The rest of the kids said they have family meals

Not only are family meals a good way to share healthy food, but they're a chance for parents and kids to talk. While you're passing the celery sticks, it might remind you of a funny story your friend told you about a baseball game, where a danc-ing celery stick came out every time the team scored a home run. Maybe it will remind some-one else of a good dancing vegetable story.

School is another good place for parents and kids to get together. It's kind of fun having your mom or dad show up at school (as long as you're not in the principal's office).

The PollsAreIn

Forty percent of kids said they'd like their parents to be more involved at their school. That could include chaperon-ing field trips, coaching a sport, volunteering for class events, or being a lunch mom or dad (a parent who helps supervise kids during lunchtime).

When parents come to school, it give them a chance to see what's going on with you. And then they might not need to ask so many basic questions. They'll have seen it for them-selves when you score a basket or will know why you like your math teacher. So the next time mom or dad wants to know how things are going for you, tell them to come find out by visiting you at school!

The KidsPollThe group that took this Kids Poll included an equal number of boys and girls. They an-swered the questions on hand-held data devices while visiting these health education centers and children's museums:

We’ll be conducting more Kids Polls in the future to find out what kids say — maybe you’ll be part of one

Making the Most Of Reading Aloud to Your

Child

stayathomeeducator.com

Community Advice

A Parent Share’sHis own personal story and questions about his communications issues they have with their child.

Community Advice

then try asking her open-ended questions about things that you think they’ll be excited to talk about. For example, if they like science, ask if they are doing any interesting experiments this week. Steer clear of only asking about grades and test scores.

Ever since my son started Middle School he will not tell me anything about school! When I ask him how he did on tests or how it’s going with friends all I get is one word answers.

Last Week I tried talking to him about his new school proj-ect he have to do on the solar system but he cut me off and told me he did not need help? I really need help I miss my son talking to me. I’m a single father and I’m trying my best to be on my son side I’m writing to the Parent View Magazine (View Advice Col-umn)

I am a middle school teacher and I hope you find comfort in the fact that your daughter keeps good com-pany – I’d say this is true of most middle schoolers. With that said, there are ways to get this age group to open up. Timing and approach is everything. When your daughter gets home from school she probably just wants to decompress, so don’t bom-bard her with questions then. When she’s had time to relax and refuel ,

AdviceJilian Stein From TexasI have a 8th grader, and 6th grader

I try to spend some time with my boys doing something they like to do, like shooting hoops, tossing the baseball or even playing some video games. I find that I can often sneak in some conversation while we are playing. I also try and get someone to join me while I walk our dogs - we start talking about the dogs and often end up talking about other stuff too! Perhaps there is an activity that you can share with your child, like going to the gym or tak-ing a class?

Steven WhitefieldFrom Washington and I have a 7 and a 10 year old boys

Mary Cunningham From Florida and I have a 5th grader and a 9th grader.

Teens as well as pre-teens are going through a lot of changes and a new school is just one of many. Some-times all we see is what we want from them, not the whole picture. I know that it is exciting to see your

little girl growing up but we need to practice what we preach. One of the hardest things to do for any one is to have patience. I would suggest wait-ing for her to come to you. I have 8 children and they are all different. I don't know your little one but I had children that couldn't wait to tell me things as soon as they walked in the door all through high school while some of my other children were using their independence in Kindergarten. When she doesn't jump right into the conversation, don't take it personal. Start your own conversation about your day and then gradually ask her simple questions about hers. If you have a good relationship with her, she will let you know if there is a problem so don't worry. Just have fun with your new stage.

If You Need More Advice Look at The Solutions on pages

Community Advice

This kid looks like he needs a vacation.

(And we’d like to tell him where to go.)

to ask about grades. Keep in mind that kids may be tired or preoccupied when they first come home, or they may want some quiet time before launching into the evening’s activities.

Solution SolverHave a Conversation About School

Get beyond one-word answers and find out what your child really thinks and feels about school. by Emily Graham

Maybe your daughter says she hates social studies but won’t tell you why. Or your son, when asked what he learned at school, just says “Nothing.” Talking about school with your children shows them that you value education and keeps you aware of what’s going on in their lives, but what should you do when they don’t want to talk?

Getting the Conversation Started

First, think about the time of day and the kind of questions you ask. Whether your child is a chatty 1st grader or a tight-lipped teenager, he may not want to talk about a tough math test as soon as he gets home from school. And questions like “How was school?” are bound to elicit uninformative answers like “Fine.”

Experts recommend taking a few minutes to reconnect as a family after the busy day before addressing school and household issues. Let your kids know you’re glad to see them and wait a while

When you start a conversation about school, ask specific questions about parts of your child’s day or the school environment, advises Laurence Stein-berg, author of

The 10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting and a psychology professor at Temple University.

“I think the biggest mis-take parents make is to ask broad questions like ‘How was your day today?’ and their kids give a one- or two-word answer,” Stein-berg says. “The more specific you are in your questions, the more of an answer you’re likely to get.”

At the beginning of the school year, Steinberg suggests asking general ques-tions to learn about a child’s classroom, teacher, and classmates, such as:

•What does your classroom look like? Where is your desk? •Which of your friends are in your class? Who else is in your class? •What did you like best at school today? •What did you have for lunch?

If your child is not talkative, you can still learn a lot about her school experience through other means. Read the school newslet-

Talking About Problems

What should you do when your daughter announces that she hates school or when your son says he can’t stand the kids in his class? Even for children prone to melodrama, these kinds of state-ments may signal that a child is having academic or social prob-lems at school. It’s important to get to the root of the problem, Steinberg says, and that will take patience and understanding.

When your daughter says “I hate school,” it could mean she is bored in class, doesn’t un-derstand new material, is being

Solution Solver

pushed too hard, or doesn’t get along with a teacher. Your son’s declaration that he doesn’t like the other kids may mean that he feels ignored or friendless or that he’s being bullied or victimized.

Parents can help by talking with their kids about steps they can take to make the situation better. Younger children may need their parents’ help to think about how to solve a problem, while older children need a chance to solve problems on their own, Steinberg says.

While most kids will be ner-vous about new experiences, that nervousness should fade over time, Steinberg says. Parents

Talking With Young Children

Younger children, especially those in kindergarten through 3rd grade, will need help thinking about how to respond to problems at school. You can help your child learn problem-solving skills by talking about potential responses and what results they may bring. Help your child decide the best steps to take and encourage her to do what she can on her own.

Older children may be aware of potential solutions but still need encouragement to act. Children sometimes need coaching from

Talking with Adolescents

By 4th or 5th grade, children may become more resistant to parental involvement. Al-though it’s a difficult balance, it’s important to respect your adolescent’s growing desire for autonomy while being available to help when needed. For example, if a 7th grader is struggling in math class, talking with the child about the best way to ask the teacher for extra help is likely be more ef-fective than calling the teacher directly, Steinberg says.

As adolescents feel the need for more privacy, there will be times they simply don’t want to talk. When that happens, Steinberg recom-mends the following ap-proach: “If a 12-or 13-year-old looks upset, say ‘You look upset. Do you want to talk about what’s bother-ing you?’ If the child says no, say ‘That’s OK, but if you do feel like talking, I’m here.’ ”

Talking To adolescenTs

Why does my son not want to talk to me, He’s always leaving me out of his life and never letting me be the mother I want to be for him. I love him and I know he knows but I just need him to let me in because all I want is the best for him.

More Ways Parents Can Expand Conversation With Their Child

If Your Child does not want to talk about it than let them draw about itMany children have prob-lems expressing themselves with words

PaintingOne way for children

to express themselves through art is paint-ing. There are so many different ways to paint; giving them choices on how to paint can enhance creativity. Children can paint with brushes or their hands. Another fun way for kids to express through art is spray bottle paint-ing. Roll a large piece of white paper roll on the ground for kids. This activity is best done on a utility floor or outside. Fill small spray bottles with paint, one color per

bottle, but as many bottles as you like. Let children ex-periment with expression-ism by spraying the paint in

Arts and Crafts

Arts and crafts pro-vide a way for children to express themselves through art, as well. Giv-ing children an endless supply of glue, sparkles, safety scissors, construc-tion paper, toilet paper rolls, pipe cleaners, and any other random object

they can create with is great for expression. Give children space to create and then ask them what they have made. This is a good time to give positive praise as they express thoughts and emo-tions through artdom object they can create with is great for expression. Give children space to create and then ask them what they have made. This is a good time to give positive praise as they express thoughts and emo-tions through art Drawing and sculpture are among the oldest arts of mankind, having been used for fertil-ity and hunting. With the

The experience of creat-ing art really helps us to see and examine light, color, and shape more carefully. It al-lows us to express ourselves and develops manual dex-

Let’s Get creative using Art to expand

conversationexception of motion pictures, which will be discussed under dramatic art, visual art is spatial rather than temporal. Drawings, paintings, photos, and sculptures are a moment captured forever in picture and form. The sense of movement is given to the art by the moving eyes of the view-ers. Cubism particularly implies movement in the various aspects it depicts. Mobiles may move a little, but these are the exceptions. Usually visual art stops a situation so that our consciousness may have time to examine and appre-ciate that moment as expressed by the artist. Light and shadow, color and form, texture and intensity, repre-sentation and expression, these are the ways that art speaks to us. Before photography these arts were the main way to describe and convey visual experience to future generations. Our knowl-edge of what most historical peo-ple looked like comes to us from sculpture and portraits. Art also tells many things about artists’ experiences, values, and feelings in addition to their expressive skill. Art can teach us how to see with more discrimination, sensi-tivity, and understanding. Art can inspire us toward ideals and warn us of social problems.

We use our indoor wall space for these gifts of Spirit; murals may appear outdoors, and sculpture may be placed anywhere. We set aside museums for these collect-ed treasures of our society so that everyone can appreciate them.

Life Is GreatCutting him from the budget now

Costs all of us later.

CHILDREN’S DEFENSE FUND

PARENT’S INVOLVEMENT IS IMPORTANT IN A CHILD’S LIFE