Palacio r-j--wonder-3_-the-julian-chapter-_2014_-random-house-children_s_-978-0-553-49908-7_
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Transcript of Palacio r-j--wonder-3_-the-julian-chapter-_2014_-random-house-children_s_-978-0-553-49908-7_
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THISISABORZOIBOOKPUBLISHEDBYALFREDA.KNOPF
Thisisaworkoffiction.Names,characters,places,andincidentseitheraretheproductoftheauthorsimaginationorareusedfictitiously.Anyresemblancetoactualpersons,livingordead,events,orlocalesisentirelycoincidental.
Textcopyright2014byR.J.PalacioCoverartcopyright2014byTadCarpenter
Allrightsreserved.PublishedintheUnitedStatesbyAlfredA.Knopf,animprintofRandomHouseChildrensBooks,adivisionofRandomHouseLLC,aPenguinRandomHouseCompany,NewYork.
Knopf,BorzoiBooks,andthecolophonareregisteredtrademarksofRandomHouseLLC.
VisitusontheWeb!randomhouse.com/kids
Educatorsandlibrarians,foravarietyofteachingtools,visitusatRHTeachersLibrarians.com
eBookISBN:978-0-553-49908-7
RandomHouseChildrensBookssupportstheFirstAmendmentandcelebratestherighttoread.
v3.1
http://www.randomhouse.com/kidshttp://www.RHTeachersLibrarians.com
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Contents
CoverTitlePageCopyrightEpigraph
BeforeOrdinaryTheCallMr.TushmanFirstLookScaredClassPicturePhotoshopMeanPartyTeamJulianDr.JansensOfficeEvidenceTheVerdictOutofSchoolSpringMr.Tushman
AfterSummerVacationMr.BrowneGrandmresStoryTourteauJulianMyDreamGoingHomeUnexpectedStartingOverNewYork
AbouttheAuthorChooseKind
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Bekind,foreveryoneyoumeetisfightingahardbattle.
IanMaclaren
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PerhapsIhavecreatedthestarsandthesunandthisenormoushouse,butInolongerremember.
JorgeLuisBorges,TheHouseofAsterion
Fearcanthurtyouanymorethanadream.
WilliamGolding,LordoftheFlies
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Okay,okay,okay.Iknow,Iknow,Iknow.IhaventbeennicetoAugustPullman!Bigdeal.Itsnottheendoftheworld,people!Letsstopwiththedrama,okay?Theresa
wholebigworldoutthere,andnoteveryoneisnicetoeveryoneelse.Thatsjustthewayitis.So,canyoupleasegetover it? I think its time tomoveonandgetonwithyour life,dontyou?Jeez!Idontgetit.Ireallydont.Oneminute,Imlike,themostpopularkidinthefifthgrade.
Andthenextminute,Imlike,Idontknow.Whatever.Thisbites.Thiswholeyearbites!IwishAuggiePullmanhadnevercometoBeecherPrepinthefirstplace!IwishhehadkepthiscreepylittlefacehiddenawaylikeinThePhantomoftheOperaorsomething.Putamaskon,Auggie!Getyour faceoutofmy face,please.Everythingwouldbea loteasier ifyouwouldjustdisappear.Atleastforme.Imnotsayingitsapicnicforhim,either,bytheway.Iknowitcantbe
easy forhim to look in themirror everyday,orwalkdown the street.But thatsnotmyproblem.Myproblemisthateverythingsdifferentsincehesbeencomingtomyschool.Thekidsaredifferent.Imdifferent.Anditsucksbig-time.Iwisheverythingwasthewayitusedtobeinthefourthgrade.Wehadso,so,somuch
funbackthen.Wewouldplaytackle-tagintheyard,andnottobrag,buteveryonealwayswantedapieceofme,youknow?Imjustsayin.Everyonealwayswantedtobemypartnerwhenweddosocialstudiesprojects.AndeveryonealwayslaughedwhenIsaidsomethingfunny.At lunchtime, Id always sit with my peeps, and we were like, it. We were totally it.
Henry.Miles.Amos.Jack.Wewereit!Itwassocool.Wehadallthesesecretjokes.Littlehandsignalsforstuff.I dont knowwhy that had to change. I dont knowwhy everyone got so stupid about
stuff.Actually,Idoknowwhy:itwasbecauseofAuggiePullman.Themomentheshowedup,
thatswhenthingsstoppedbeingthewaytheyusedtobe.Everythingwastotallyordinary.Andnowthingsaremessedup.Anditsbecauseofhim.AndMr.Tushman.Infact,itskindoftotallyMr.Tushmansfault.
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IrememberMommadeabigdealaboutthecallwegotfromMr.Tushman.Atdinnerthatnight,shewentonandonaboutwhatabighonor itwas.Themiddle-schooldirectorhadcalledusathometoaskifIcouldbeawelcomebuddytosomenewkidinschool.Wow!Bignews!MomactedlikeIwonanOscarorsomething.Shesaiditshowedherthattheschoolreallydidrecognizewhothespecialkidswere,whichshethoughtwasawesome.MomhadnevermetMr.Tushmanbefore,becausehewasthemiddle-schooldirectorandIwasstillinthelowerschool,butshecouldntstopravingabouthownicehedbeenonthephone.Momsalwaysbeenkindofabigwigatschool.Shesonthisboardoftrusteesthing,which
Idontevenknowwhat it isbutapparently itsabigdeal.Shesalwaysvolunteering forstuff, too.Like, shesalwaysbeen theclassmomforeverygrade Ivebeen inatBeecher.Always.Shedoesalotfortheschool.So, theday Iwas supposed tobeawelcomebuddy, shedroppedmeoff in frontof the
middleschool.Shewantedtotakemeinside,butIwaslike,Mom,itsmiddleschool!ShetookthehintanddroveoffbeforeIwentinside.CharlotteCodyandJackWillwerealreadyinthefrontlobby,andwesaidhellotoeach
other.JackandIdidourpeepshandshakeandwesaidhellotothesecurityguard.ThenwewentuptoMr.Tushmansoffice.Itwassoweirdbeingintheschoolwhentherewasnoonethere!Dude, we could totally skateboard in here and no one would know! I said to Jack,
runningandglidingonthesmoothfloorofthehallwayafterthesecurityguardcouldntseeusanymore.Ha,yeah, saidJack,but Inoticed that thecloserwegot toMr.Tushmansoffice, the
quieterJackgot.Infact,hekindoflookedlikehewasgoingtoblowchunks.Aswegotnearthetopofthestairs,hestopped.Idontwanttodothis!hesaid.Istoppednexttohim.Charlottehadalreadygottentothetoplanding.Comeon!shesaid.Yourenottheboss!Ianswered.Sheshookherheadandrolledhereyesatme.IlaughedandnudgedJackwithmyelbow.
WelovedeggingCharlotteCodyon.ShewasalwayssuchaGoodyTwo-shoes!Thisissomessedup,saidJack,rubbinghishandoverhisface.Whatis?Iasked.Doyouknowwhothisnewkidis?heasked.Ishookmyhead.Youknowwhoheis,right?JacksaidtoCharlotte,lookingupather.Charlottewalkeddownthestairstowardus.Ithinkso,shesaid.Shemadeaface,like
shehadjusttastedsomethingbad.Jackshookhisheadandthensmackeditthreetimeswithhispalm.Imsuchanidiotforsayingyestothis!hesaid,histeethclenched.Wait,whoisit?Isaid.IpushedJacksshouldersohedlookatme.
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ItsthatkidcalledAugust,hesaidtome.Youknow,thekidwiththeface?Ihadnoideawhohewastalkingabout.Are you kiddingme? said Jack. Youve never seen that kid before? He lives in this
neighborhood! He hangs out in the playground sometimes. You have to have seen him.Everyonehas!Hedoesntliveinthisneighborhood,answeredCharlotte.Yeshedoes!Jackansweredimpatiently.No,Juliandoesntliveinthisneighborhood,sheanswered,justasimpatiently.Whatdoesthathavetodowithanything?Isaid.Whatever! Jack interrupted. It doesnt matter. Trust me, dude, youve never seen
anythinglikethisbefore.Pleasedontbemean,Jack,Charlottesaid.Itsnotnice.Imnotbeingmean!saidJack.Imjustbeingtruthful.What,exactly,doeshelooklike?Iasked.Jack didnt answer. He just stood there, shaking his head. I looked at Charlotte, who
frowned.Youllsee,shesaid.Lets justgoalready,okay?Sheturnedaroundandwentupthe
stairsanddisappeareddownthehalltoMr.Tushmansoffice.Letsjustgoalready,okay?IsaidtoJack,imitatingCharlotteperfectly.Ithoughtthis
wouldtotallymakehimlaugh,butitdidnt.Jack,dude,comeon!Isaid.Ipretendedtogivehimahardslapintheface.Thisactuallydidmakehimlaughabit,
andhethrewaslow-motionpunchbackatme.Thisledtoaquickgameofspleen,whichiswherewetrytojabeachotherintheribcage.Guys, letsgo!Charlottecommandedfromthetopofthestairs.Shehadcomebackto
getus.Guys,letsgo!IwhisperedtoJack,andthistimehedidkindoflaugh.ButassoonasweroundedthecornerofthehallwayandgottoMr.Tushmansoffice,we
allgotprettyserious.Whenwewent inside,Mrs.Garcia toldus towait inNurseMollys office,whichwasa
smallroomtothesideofMr.Tushmansoffice.Wedidntsayanythingtoeachotherwhilewewaited.Iresistedthetemptationtomakeaballoonoutofthelatexglovesthatwereinaboxbytheexamtable,thoughIknowitwouldhavemadeeveryonelaugh.
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Mr.Tushmancameintotheoffice.Hewastall,kindofthin,withmessygrayhair.Hey, guys, he said, smiling. Im Mr. Tushman. You must be Charlotte. He shook
Charlotteshand.Andyouare?Helookedatme.Julian,Isaid.Julian,herepeated,smiling.Heshookmyhand.AndyoureJackWill,hesaidtoJack,andshookhishand,too.HesatdownonthechairnexttoNurseMollysdesk.Firstofall,Ijustwanttothankyou
guys somuch for cominghere today. I know its ahotday andyouprobablyhaveotherstuffyouwanttodo.Howsthesummerbeentreatingyou?Okay?Weallkindofnodded,lookingateachother.Howsthesummerbeenforyou?Iaskedhim.Oh,soniceofyoutoask,Julian!heanswered.Itsbeenagreatsummer,thankyou.
Though Iamseriously looking forward to the fall. Ihate thishotweather.Hepulledhisshirt.Imsoreadyforthewinter.Allthreeofuswerebobbingourheadsupanddownlikedoofballsatthispoint.Idont
knowwhygrown-upseverbotherchitchattingwithkids.Itjustmakesusfeelweird.Imean,IpersonallyamprettyokaytalkingtoadultsmaybebecauseItravelalotandIvetalkedtoalotofadultsbeforebutmostkidsreallydontliketalkingtogrown-ups.Thatsjustthewayitis.Like,ifIseetheparentofsomefriendofmineandwerenotactuallyinschool,ItrytoavoideyecontactsoIdonthavetotalktothem.Itstooweird.Itsalsoreallyweirdwhen you bump into a teacher outside of school. Like, one time I saw my third-gradeteacheratarestaurantwithherboyfriend,and Iwas like,ewww! Idontwant to seemyteacherhangingoutwithherboyfriend,youknow?Anyway,sotherewewere,me,Charlotte,andJack,noddingawayliketotalbobbleheads
as Mr. Tushman went on and on about the summer. But finallyfinally!he got to thepoint.So,guys,hesaid,kindofslappinghishandsagainsthisthighs.Itsreallyniceofyouto
giveupyourafternoontodothis.Inafewminutes,Imgoingtointroduceyoutotheboywhoscomingtomyoffice,andIjustwantedtogiveyouaheads-upabouthimbeforehand.Imean,Itoldyourmomsalittlebitabouthimdidtheytalktoyou?CharlotteandJackbothnodded,butIshookmyhead.Mymomjustsaidhedhadabunchofsurgeries,Isaid.Well,yes,answeredMr.Tushman.Butdidsheexplainabouthisface?I have to say, this is thepointwhen I started thinking,Okay,what the heck am I doing
here?Imean,Idontknow,Isaid,scratchingmyhead.ItriedtothinkbacktowhatMomhad
toldme. Ihadnt reallypaidattention. I thinkmostof the timeshewasgoingonandonaboutwhatanhonoritwasthatIdbeenchosen:shereallydidntemphasizethattherewassomethingwrongwiththekid.Shesaidthatyousaidthekidhadalotofscarsandstuff.Likehedbeeninafire.
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Ididntquitesaythat,saidMr.Tushman,raisinghiseyebrows.WhatItoldyourmomisthatthisboyhasaseverecraniofacialdifferenceOh,rightrightright!Iinterrupted,becausenowIremembered.Shedidusethatword.
Shesaiditwaslikeacleftliporsomething.Mr.Tushmanscruncheduphisface.Well,hesaid,liftinghisshouldersandtiltinghisheadleftandright,itsalittlemore
thanthat.Hegotupandpattedmyshoulder.ImsorryifIdidntmakethatcleartoyourmom.Inanycase,Idontmeantomakethisawkwardforyou.Infact,itsexactlybecauseIdontwantittobeawkwardthatImtalkingtoyourightnow.Ijustwantedtogiveyouaheads-upthatthisboydefinitelylooksverydifferentfromotherchildren.Andthatsnotasecret.Heknowshelooksdifferent.Hewasbornthatway.Hegetsthat.Hesagreatkid.Very smart. Very nice. Hes never gone to a regular school before because he washomeschooled,youknow,becauseofallhissurgeries.SothatswhyIjustwantyouguystoshowhimaroundabit,gettoknowhim,behiswelcomebuddies.Youcantotallyaskhimquestions, if you want. Talk to him normally. Hes really just a normal kid with a facethatyouknow, isnotsonormal.He lookedatusandtookadeepbreath.Ohboy, IthinkIvejustmadeyouallmorenervous,haventI?Weshookourheads.Herubbedhisforehead.You know, he said, one of the things you learn when you get old like me is that
sometimes,anewsituationwillcomealong,andyoullhavenoideawhattodo.Theresnorulebook that tells youhow toact in everygiven situation in life, youknow?Sowhat Ialwayssayisthatitsalwaysbettertoerronthesideofkindness.Thatsthesecret.Ifyoudontknowwhattodo,justbekind.Youcantgowrong.WhichiswhyIaskedyouthreetohelpmeouthere,because Idheard fromyour lower-school teachers thatyoureall reallynicekids.Wedidntknowwhattosaytothis,sowealljustkindofsmiledlikegoobers.Just treat him like youwould treat any kid youve justmet, he said. Thats all Im
tryingtosay.Okay,guys?Wenoddedatthesametimenow,too.Bobblingheads.Youguysrock,hesaid.So,relax,waithereabit,andMrs.Garciawillcomeandget
youinafewminutes.Heopenedthedoor.And,guys,really,thanksagainfordoingthis.Itsgoodkarmatodogood.Itsamitzvah,youknow?Withthat,hesmiled,winkedatus,andlefttheroom.Allthreeofusexhaledatthesametime.Welookedateachother,oureyeskindofwide.Okay,Jacksaid,IdontknowwhattheheckkarmaisandIdontknowwhattheheck
mitzvahis!Thismadeusalllaughalittle,thoughitwaskindofanervoustypeoflaugh.
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Imnotgoingtogointodetailabouttherestofwhathappenedthatday.Imjustgoingtopointoutthat,forthefirsttimeinhislife,Jackhadnotexaggerated.Infact,hehaddonetheopposite.Isthereawordthatmeanstheoppositeofexaggerated?Unexaggerated?Idontknow.ButJackhadtotallynotexaggeratedaboutthiskidsface.The first look I got ofAugust,well, itmademewant to covermy eyes and run away
screaming.Bam.Iknowthatsoundsmean,andImsorryaboutthat.Butitsthetruth.AndanyonewhosaysthatthatsnottheirfirstreactionwhenseeingAuggiePullmanisntbeinghonest.Seriously.I totally would have walked out the door after I saw him, but I knew I would get in
troubleifIdid.SoIjustkeptlookingatMr.Tushman,andItriedtolistentowhathewassaying,butallIheardwasyakyakyakyakyakbecausemyearswereburning.Inmyhead,Iwaslike,Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!IthinkIsaidthatwordathousandtimestomyself.Idontknowwhy.Atsomepoint,heintroducedustoAuggie.Ahh!IthinkIactuallyshookhishand.Triple
ahh!Iwantedtozoomoutoftheresofastandwashmyhand.ButbeforeIknewwhatwashappening,wewereheadedoutthedoor,downthehallway,andupthestairs.Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!Dude!IcaughtJackseyeasweweregoingupthestairstohomeroom.Iopenedmyeyesreally
wideathimandmouthedthewords,Noway!Jackmouthedback,Itoldyou!
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When Iwas about five, I rememberwatching an episode of SpongeBob one night, and acommercialcameonTVthattotallyfreakedmeout.ItwasafewdaysbeforeHalloween.Alotofcommercialscameonduringthattimeofyearthatwerekindofscary,butthisonewasforanewteenthrillerIdneverheardaboutbefore.Suddenly,whileIwaswatchingthecommercial, a close-up of a zombies face popped up on the screen.Well, it totally andcompletely terrifiedme. Imean, terrifiedme like thekindof terrifiedwhereyouactuallyrunoutoftheroomscreamingwithyourarmsintheair.TERRRRR-IFFF-FIED!Afterthat,Iwassoscaredofseeingthatzombiefaceagain,IstoppedwatchinganyTV
until Halloweenwas over and themoviewas no longer playing in theaters. Seriously, IstoppedwatchingTVcompletelythatshowscaredIwas!Not too long after that, I was on a playdate with some kidwhose name I dont even
remember. And this kidwas really intoHarry Potter, sowe startedwatching one of theHarryPottermovies(Idneverseenanyofthembefore).Well,whenIsawVoldemortsfacefor the first time, the same thing happened that had happened when the Halloweencommercialcameon. I startedscreaminghysterically,wailing likea totalbaby. Itwassobad,thekidsmothercouldntcalmmedown,andshehadtocallmymothertocomepickmeup.Mymomgot reallyannoyedat thekidsmomfor lettingmewatch themovie, sothey ended up getting into an argument andlong story shortI never had anotherplaydate there again. But anyway, between the Halloween zombie commercial andVoldemortsnoselessface,Iwaskindofamess.Then,unfortunately,mydad tookmeto themoviesataroundthat sametime.Again, I
wasonlyaboutfive.Maybesixbynow.Itshouldnthavebeenanissue:themoviewewenttoseewasratedG,totallyfine,notscaryatall.ButoneofthetrailersthatcameonwasforScaryFairy, amovie about demon fairies. I knowfairies are so lame!andwhen I lookbackIcantbelieveIwassoscaredofthisstuff,butIfreakedoutatthistrailer.Mydadhadto take me out of the theater becauseyet again!I couldnt stop crying. It was soembarrassing!Imean,beingscaredoffairies?Whatsnext?Flyingponies?CabbagePatchdolls?Snowflakes?Itwascrazy!ButthereIwas,shakingandscreamingasIleftthemovietheater,hidingmyfaceinmydadscoat.Imsuretherewerethree-year-oldsintheaudiencewhowerelookingatmelikeIwasthebiggestloser!Thats the thing about being scared, though. You cant control it.When youre scared,
yourescared.Andwhenyourescared,everythingseemsscarierthanitordinarilywouldbeeventhingsthatarent.Everythingthatscaresyoukindofmushestogethertobecomethisbig, terrifying feeling. Its like youre covered in this blanket of fear, and this blanket ismadeoutofbrokenglassanddogpoopandoozypusandbloodyzombiezits.Istartedhavingawfulnightmares.Everynight,Idwakeupscreaming.Itgottoapoint
whereIwasafraidtogotosleepbecauseIdidntwanttohaveanothernightmare,sothenIstartedsleepinginmyparentsbed.IwishIcouldsaythiswasjustforacoupleofnights,but itwent like this for sixweeks. Iwouldnt let them turn off the lights. I had a panicattackeverytimeIstarteddriftingoff tosleep. Imean,mypalmswould literallystart to
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sweatandmyheartwouldstarttorace,andIdstarttocryandscreambeforegoingtobed.My parents tookme to see a feelings doctor,which I only later realizedwas a child
psychologist.Dr.Patelhelpedmealittlebit.ShesaidwhatIwasexperiencingwerenightterrors,anditdidhelpmetotalkaboutthemwithher.ButIthinkwhatreallygotmeoverthenightmareswere theDiscoveryChannelnaturevideosmymombroughthome formeoneday.Woo-hooforthosenaturevideos!Everynight,wedpoponeofthemintotheDVDplayer and Id fall asleep to the soundof someguywithanEnglishaccent talkingaboutmeerkatsorkoalasorjellyfish.Eventually, Ididgetoverthenightmares,though.Everythingwentbacktonormal.But
everyonceinawhile,IdhavewhatMomwouldcallaminorsetback.Like,forinstance,althoughIloveStarWarsnow,theveryfirsttimeIsawStarWars:EpisodeII,whichwasatabirthday sleepoverwhen Iwas eight, I had to textmymom to comegetmeat twoa.m.becauseIcouldntfallasleep:everytimeIdclosemyeyes,DarthSidioussfacewouldpopintomyhead. It tookabout threeweeksofnaturevideos togetover that setback (and Istoppedgoingtosleepoversforaboutayearafterthat,too).Then,whenIwasnine,IsawLord of theRings: The TwoTowers for the first time, and the same thing happened tomeagain,thoughthistimeitonlytookmeaboutaweektogetoverGollum.BythetimeIturnedten,though,allthosenightmareshadprettymuchgoneaway.Even
thefearofhavinganightmarewasgonebythen,too.Like,ifIwasatHenryshouseandhewouldsay,Hey, letswatchascarymovie,myfirstreactionwasnttothink,No, Imighthaveanightmare!(whichiswhatitusedtobe).Myfirstreactionwouldbelike,Yeah,cool!Wheres the popcorn? I finally started being able to see all kinds ofmovies again. I evenstarted getting into zombie apocalypse stuff, and none of it ever bothered me. Thatnightmarestuffwasallbehindme.OratleastIthoughtitwas.But then, the night after I met Auggie Pullman, I started having nightmares again. I
couldntbelieveit.Notjustpassingbaddreams,butthefull-blown,heart-pounding,wake-up-screamingkindofnightmares Iused tohavewhen Iwasa littlekid.Only, Iwasnt alittlekidanymore.Iwas inthe fifthgrade!Elevenyearsold!Thiswasntsupposedtobehappeningtome
anymore!ButthereIwasagainwatchingnaturevideostohelpmefallasleep.
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ItriedtodescribewhatAuggielookedliketomymom,butshedidntgetituntiltheschoolpicturesarrivedinthemail.Upuntilthen,shedneverreallyseenhim.Shedbeenawayona business trip during the Thanksgiving Sharing Festival, so she didnt see him then. OnEgyptian Museum day, Auggies face had been covered with mummy gauze. And therehadnt been any after-school concerts yet. So, the first timeMom sawAuggie and finallystarted understandingmy nightmare situationwaswhen she opened that large envelopewithmyclasspictureinit.It was actually kind of funny. I can tell you exactly how she reacted because I was
watchingherassheopenedit.First,sheexcitedlyslitopenthetopoftheenvelopewithaletteropener.Then,shepulledoutmyindividualportrait.Sheputherhandonherchest.Awww, Julian, you look so handsome! she said. Im so glad you wore that tie
Grandmresentyou.Iwaseatingsomeicecreamatthekitchentable,andjustsmiledandnoddedather.ThenIwatchedhertaketheclasspictureoutoftheenvelope.Inlowerschool,everyclass
would get its own picture takenwith its own teacher, but inmiddle school, its just onegrouppictureoftheentirefifthgrade.Sosixtykidsstandinginfrontoftheentrancetotheschool.Fifteenkids ineachrow.Fourrows. Iwas in thebackrow, inbetweenAmosandHenry.Momwaslookingatthephotowithasmileonherface.Oh,thereyouare!shesaidwhenshespottedme.Shecontinuedlookingatthepicturewithasmileonherface.Ohmy, lookathowbigMilesgot! saidMom.And is thatHenry?He looks likehes
gettingamustache!AndwhoisAndthenshestoppedtalking.Thesmileonher facestayedfrozen forasecondor two,
andthenherfaceslowlytransformedintoastateofshock.Sheputthephotodownandstaredblanklyinfrontofher.Thenshelookedatthephoto
again.Thenshelookedatme.Shewasntsmiling.This is the kid youve been talking about? she asked me. Her voice had completely
changedfromthewayitsoundedmomentsbefore.Itoldyou,Ianswered.Shelookedatthepictureagain.Thisisntjustacleftpalate.Nooneeversaiditwasacleftpalate,Isaidtoher.Mr.Tushmanneversaidthat.Yeshedid.Onthephonethattime.No,Mom,Iansweredher.Whathesaidwasfacialissues,andyoujustassumedthat
hemeantcleftpalate.Butheneveractuallysaidcleftpalate.I could swear he said the boy had a cleft palate, she answered, but this is somuch
worsethanthat.Shereallylookedstunned.Shecouldntstopstaringatthephoto.Whatdoeshehave,exactly?Ishedevelopmentallydelayed?Helookslikehemightbe.Idontthinkso,Isaid,shrugging.
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Doeshetalkokay?Hekindofmumbles,Ianswered.Heshardtounderstandsometimes.Momputthepicturedownonthetableandsatdown.Shestartedtappingherfingerson
thetable.Imtryingtothinkofwhohismotheris,shesaid,shakingherhead.Therearesomany
newparentsintheschool,Icantthinkofwhoitmightbe.Issheblond?No,shehasdarkhair,Ianswered.Iseeheratdrop-offsometimes.Doesshelookliketheson?Ohno,notatall,Isaid.Isatdownnexttoherandpickedupthepicture,squintingatit
somyeyeswouldntseeittooclearly.Auggiewasinthefrontrow,allthewayontheleft.Itoldyou,Mom.Youdidntbelieveme,butItoldyou.Its not that I didnt believe you, she answered defensively. Im just kind
ofsurprised.Ididntrealizeitwasthissevere.Oh,IthinkIknowwhosheis,hismom.Issheverypretty,kindofexotic,hasdarkwavyhair?What?Isaid,shrugging.Idontknow.Shesamom.I thinkIknowwhoshe is,answeredMom,noddingtoherself.Isawheronparents
night.Herhusbandshandsome,too.Ihavenoidea,Isaid,shakingmyhead.Oh,thosepoorpeople!Sheputherhandoverherheart.NowyougetwhyIvebeenhavingnightmaresagain?Iaskedher.Sheranherhandsthroughmyhair.Butareyoustillhavingnightmares?sheasked.Yes.NoteverynightlikeIdidforthefirstmonthofschool,butyeah!Isaid,throwing
thepicturedownonthetabletop.WhydidhehavetocometoBeecherPrep,anyway?IlookedatMom,whodidntknowwhattosay.Shestartedputtingthepicturebackinto
theenvelope.Donteven thinkofputting that inmyschoolalbum,by theway, I said loudly. You
shouldjustburnitorsomething.Julian,shesaid.Then,outoftheblue,Istartedcrying.Oh,mydarling!saidMom,kindofsurprised.Shehuggedme.Icanthelpit,Mom,Isaidthroughmytears.IhatethatIhavetoseehimeveryday!That night, I had the same nightmare Ive been having since the start of school. Im
walkingdownthemainhallway,andallthekidsareinfrontoftheirlockers,staringatme,whisperingaboutmeasIwalkpastthem.IkeepwalkingupthestairwelluntilIgettothebathroom,andthenIlookinthemirror.WhenIseemyself,though,itsnotmeImseeing.ItsAuggie.AndthenIscream.
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Thenextmorning,IoverheardMomandDadtalkingastheyweregettingreadyforwork.Iwasgettingdressedforschool.Theyshouldhavedonemoretopreparethekids,MomsaidtoDad.Theschoolshould
havesenthomealetterorsomething,Idontknow.Comeon,answeredDad.Sayingwhat?Whatcantheypossiblysay?Theresahomely
kidinyourclass?Comeon.Itsmuchmorethanthat.Letsnotmaketoobigadealaboutit,Melissa.You havent seen him, Jules, saidMom. Its quite severe. Parents should have been
told.Ishouldhavebeentold!EspeciallywithJuliansanxietyissues.Anxiety issues? I yelled frommy room. I ran into their bedroom. You think I have
anxietyissues?No,Julian,saidDad.Noonessayingthat.Momjustsaidthat!Ianswered,pointingatMom.Ijustheardhersayanxietyissues.
What,soyouguysthinkIhavementalproblems?No!theybothsaid.JustbecauseIgetnightmares?No!theyyelled.Itsnotmyfaulthegoestomyschool!Icried.Itsnotmyfaulthisfacefreaksmeout!Ofcourseitsnot,darling,saidMom.Nooneissayingthat.AllImeantisthatbecause
ofyourhistoryofnightmares,theschoolshouldhavealertedme.ThenatleastIwouldhaveknown better about the nightmares youre having. I would have known what triggeredthem.I sat down on the edge of their bed. Dad had the class picture in his hands and had
obviouslyjustbeenlookingatit.Ihopeyoureplanningonburningthat,Isaid.AndIwasntjoking.No, darling, said Mom, sitting on the other side of me. We dont need to burn
anything.LookwhatIvedone.Shepickedupadifferentphotofromthenightstandandhandedit tometo lookat.At
first,Ithoughtitwasjustanothercopyoftheclasspicture,becauseitwasexactlythesamesizeastheclasspictureDadhadinhishands,andeverythinginitwasexactlythesame.Istartedtolookawayindisgust,butMompointedtoaplaceonthephototheplacewhereAuggieusedtobe!Hewasnowhereinthephoto.Icouldntbelieveit!Therewasnotraceofhim!IlookedupatMom,whowasbeaming.ThemagicofPhotoshop!shesaidhappily,clappingherhands.Nowyoucan lookat
thispictureandnothavetohaveyourmemoryoffifthgradetarnished,shesaid.Thatssocool!Isaid.Howdidyoudothat?IvegottenprettygoodatPhotoshop,sheanswered.Rememberlastyear,howImade
alltheskiesblueintheHawaiipictures?
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Youwouldneverhaveknownitrainedeveryday,answeredDad,shakinghishead.Laughifyouwant,saidMom.Butnow,whenIlookatthosepictures,Idonthaveto
be reminded of the bad weather that almost ruined our trip. I can remember it for thebeautiful vacation that itwas!Which is exactly how Iwant you to remember your fifth-gradeyearatBeecherPrep.Okay,Julian?Goodmemories.Notuglyones.Thanks,Mom!Isaid,hugginghertightly.I didnt say it, of course, but even though she changed the skies to light blue on the
photos,all I ever really rememberedaboutourHawaii tripwashowcoldandwet itwaswhenweweretheredespitethemagicofPhotoshop.
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Look, Ididnt startoutbeingmean. Imean, Imnotameankid!Sure, sometimes Imakejokes,but theyrenotmean jokes.Theyre just teasing jokes.Peoplehave to lightenupalittle! Okay, maybe sometimes my jokes are a little mean, but I only make those jokesbehindsomeonesback.Ineversaystufftoanyonesfacethatwillactuallyhurtsomeone.Imnotabullylikethat!Imnotahater,dudes!Attention,people!Stopbeingsosensitive!Somepeople totally got thewhole Photoshop thing, and somedidnt.Henry andMiles
thoughtitwassocoolandwantedmymomtoemailtheirmomsthephoto.Amosthoughtitwas weird.Charlotte completelydisapproved. IdontknowwhatJack thought,becausehehadgoneovertothedarksidebynow.ItslikehetotallyabandonedhispeepsthisyearandonlyhangsoutwithAuggienow.Whichbuggedme,becausethatmeantIcouldnthangoutwithhimanymore.NowaywasIgoingtocatchtheplaguefromthatfreak.ThatwasthenameofthegameIinvented.ThePlague.Itwassimple.IfyoutouchedAuggie,andyoudidntwashoff thecontamination,youdied.Everyone in thewholegradeplayed.ExceptJack.AndSummer.Soheresthestrangething.IveknownSummersincewewereinthirdgrade,andInever
reallypaidanyattentiontoher,butthisyearHenrystartedlikingSavannaandtheywerelike,goingout.Now,bygoingoutIdontmeanlikehighschoolstuff,whichwouldbekind of gross barf disgusting.All itmeanswhen youre going out is that you hang outtogether andmeet each other at the lockers and sometimes go to the ice cream shop onAmesfort Avenue after school. So, first Henry started going out with Savanna, and thenMilesstartedgoingoutwithXimena.AndIwaslike,yo,whataboutme?AndthenAmossaid,ImgoingtoaskSummerout,andIwaslike,noway,Imaskingherout!SothatswhenIstartedkindoflikingSummer.ButittotallybitthatSummer,likeJack,wasonTeamAuggie.ItmeantIcouldnthang
outwithheratall.IcouldntevensaywassuptoherbecausethefreakmightthinkIwastalking to him or something. So I told Henry to have Savanna invite Summer to theHalloweenpartyatherhouse.IfiguredIcouldhangoutwithherandmaybeevenaskhertogooutwithme.Thatdidntwork,though,becausesheendedupleavingthepartyearly.Andeversincethen,shesbeenspendingallhertimewiththefreak.Okay, okay. I know its not nice to call him the freak, but like I said before, people
havetostartbeingalittlelesssensitivearoundhere!Itsonlyajoke,everyone!Donttakemesoseriously!Imnotbeingmean.Imjustbeingfunny.AndthatsallIwasdoing,beingtotallyfunny,thedaythatJackWillpunchedme.Ihad
beentotallyjoking!Foolingaround.Ididntseeitcomingatall!ThewayIrememberit,wewerejustgoofingtogether,andallofasudden,hewhacksme
inthemouthfornoreason!Boom!AndIwaslike,Owwwww!Youcrazyjerkface!Youpunchedme?Youactuallypunchedme?
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And thenext thing I know, Im inNurseMollys office, holdingoneofmy teeth inmyhand,andMr.Tushmanisthere,andIhearhimonthephonewithmymomsayingtheyretakingme to the hospital. I could hearmymom screaming on the other end of the line.ThenMs.Rubin, thedean, is leadingmeintothebackofanambulanceandwereonthewaytoahospital!Crazystuff!Whenwewereridingintheambulance,Ms.RubinaskedmeifIknewwhyJackhitme.I
waslike,duh,becausehestotallyinsane!NotthatIcouldtalkmuch,becausemylipswereswollenandtherewasbloodallovermymouth.Ms.RubinstayedwithmeinthehospitaluntilMomshowedup.Momwasmorethana
little hysterical, as you can imagine. Shewas crying kind of dramatically every time shesawmyface.Itwas,Ihavetoadmit,alittleembarrassing.ThenDadshowedup.Whodidthis?wasthefirstthinghesaid,shoutingatMs.Rubin.JackWill,answeredMs.Rubincalmly.HeswithMr.Tushmannow.JackWill?criedMominshock.WeknowtheWills!Howcouldthathappen?Therewillbea thoroughinvestigation,answeredMs.Rubin.Rightnow,whatsmost
importantisthatJuliansgoingtobefine.Fine?yelledMom.Lookathisface!Doyouthinkthatsfine?Idontthinkthatsfine.
Thisisoutrageous.Whatkindofschoolisthis?IthoughtkidsdidntpuncheachotherataschoollikeBeecherPrep.Ithoughtthatswhywepayfortythousanddollarsayear,sothatourkidsdontgethurt.Mrs.Albans,saidMs.Rubin,Iknowyoureupset.Imassumingthekidwillgetexpelled,right?saidDad.Dad!Iyelled.Wewilldefinitelydealwith thismatter in theappropriateway, Ipromise, answered
Ms.Rubin,tryingtokeephervoicecalm.Andnow,ifyoudontmind,IthinkIllleaveyouguysaloneforabit.Thedoctorwillbebackandyoucancheckinwithhim,buthesaidthatnothingwasbroken.Juliansfine.Helostalowerfirstmolar,butthatwasonitswayoutanyway.Hesgoingtogivehimsomepainmedicationandyoushouldkeep icing it.Letstalkmoreinthemorning.Itwasonly then that I realized thatpoorMs.Rubinsblouseandskirtwerecompletely
coveredinmyblood.Boy,mouthsdobleedalot!Laterthatnight,whenIcouldfinallytalkagainwithoutithurting,MomandDadwanted
toknoweverydetailofwhathadhappened,startingwithwhatJackandIhadbeentalkingaboutrightbeforehehitme.Jackwathupthetbecauthhewathpairedupwiththedeformedkid,Ianswered.Itold
himhecouldthwitchpartnerthifhewantedto.Andthenhepunchedme!Momshookherhead.Thatwasitforher.ShewasliterallymadderthanIdeverseenher
before(andIveseenmymomprettymadbefore,believeme!).This iswhathappens, Jules! she said toDad, crossingherarmsandnoddingquickly.
This iswhathappenswhenyoumake littlekidsdealwith issues theyrenotequipped todealwith!Theyre just tooyoung tobeexposed to thiskindof stuff!ThatTushman isanidiot!Andshesaidawholebunchofotherthings,too,butthosearekindoftooinapro-pro(if
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youknowwhatImean)formetorepeat.But,Dad,IdontwantJacktogetecthpelledfromthkool,Isaidlateroninthenight.
Hewas puttingmore ice onmymouth because the painkiller they had givenme at thehospitalwaswearingoff.Thatsnotuptous,heanswered.ButIwouldnttroublemyselfaboutitifIwereyou.
Whateverhappens,Jackwillgetwhathedeservesforthis.I have to admit, I started feeling kind of bad for Jack. I mean, sure, he was a total
dipstickforpunchingme,andIwantedhimtogetintroublebutIreallydidntwanthimtogetkickedoutofschooloranything.ButMom,Icouldtell,wasononeofhermissionsnow(asDadwouldsay).Shegetslike
that sometimes,when she gets so outraged about something that theres just no stoppingher.ShewaslikethatafewyearsagowhenakidgothitbyacaracoupleofblocksawayfromBeecherPrep,andshehadlikeamillionpeoplesignapetitiontohaveatrafficlightinstalled. That was a super-mom moment. She was also like that last month when ourfavoriterestaurantchangeditsmenuandtheynolongermademyfavoritedishthewayIlikedit.Thatwasanothersuper-mommomentbecauseaftershetalkedtothenewowner,theyagreed tospecial-order thedishjust forme!ButMomalsogets like that fornot-so-nicestuff, likewhenawaitermessesupa foodorder.Thatsanot-so-super-mommomentbecause,well,youknow,itcangetkindofweirdwhenyourmomstartstalkingtoawaiterlikehesfiveyearsold.Awkward!Also,likeDadsays,youdontwanttogetawaitermadatyou,youknow?Theyhaveyourfoodintheirhandsduh!So,IwasnttotallyclearonhowIfeltwhenIrealizedthatmymomwasdeclaringwaron
Mr.Tushman,AuggiePullman, andall ofBeecherPrep.Was it going tobea super-mommoment or a not-so-super-mommoment? Like, would it end up with Auggie going to adifferentschoolyay!orwithMr.Tushmanblowinghisnoseinmycafeteriafoodugh!
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Ittookabouttwoweeksfortheswellingtogocompletelydown.Becauseofthat,weendedupnotgoingtoParisoverwinterbreak.MomdidntwantourrelativestoseemelookinglikeIdbeeninaprizefight.Shealsowouldnttakeanypicturesofmeovertheholidaysbecause she said she didnt want to remember me looking like that. For our annualChristmascard,weusedoneoftherejectsfromlastyearsphotoshoot.Even though I wasnt having a lot of nightmares anymore, the fact that I had started
havingnightmaresagainreallyworriedMom.Icouldtellshewastotallystressedoutaboutit.Then,thedaybeforeourChristmasparty,shefoundoutfromoneoftheothermomsthatAuggiehadnotbeenthroughthesamekindofadmissionsscreeningthattherestofushadbeen.See,everykidwhoappliestoBeecherPrepissupposedtobeinterviewedandtakeatestattheschoolbutsomekindofexceptionhadbeenmadeforAuggie.Hedidntcometotheschoolfortheinterviewandhegottotaketheadmissionstestathome.Momthoughtthatwasreallyunfair!This kid should not have gotten into the school, I heard her telling a group of other
momsattheparty.BeecherPrepisjustnotsetuptohandlesituationslikethis!Werenotaninclusionschool!Wedonthavethepsychologistsneededtodealwithhowitaffectstheotherkids.PoorJulianhadnightmaresforawholemonth!Ugh,Mom!Ihateyourtellingpeopleaboutmynightmares!Henrywasupsetaswell,Henrysmomsaid,andtheothermomsnodded.Theydidntevenprepareusbeforehand!Momwenton.Thatswhatgetsmethemost.
Iftheyrenotgoingtoprovideadditionalpsychologicalsupport,atleastwarntheparentsaheadoftime!Absolutely!saidMilessmom,andtheothermomsnoddedagain.Obviously,JackWillcouldhaveusedsometherapy,Momsaid,rollinghereyes.Iwassurprisedtheydidntexpelhim,saidHenrysmom.Oh, theywould have! answeredMom, butwe asked themnot to.Weve known the
Willfamilysincekindergarten.Theyregoodpeople.WedontblameJack,really.Ithinkhejust crackedunder the pressure of having to be this kids caretaker. Thatswhat happenswhenyouputlittlekidsintothesekindsofsituations.IhonestlydontknowwhatTushmanwasthinking!Imsorry,Ijusthavetostepinhere,saidanothermom(IthinkitwasCharlottesmom
becauseshehadthesamebrightblondhairandbigblueeyes).Itsnotliketheresanythingwrongwiththiskid,Melissa.Hesagreatkid,whojusthappenstolookdifferent,butOh,Iknow!Momanswered,andsheputherhandoverherheart.Oh,Brigit,noones
sayinghesnot a great kid, believeme. Im surehe is.And Ihear theparents are lovelypeople. Thats not the issue. To me, ultimately, the simple fact of the matter is thatTushmandidnt followprotocol.HeflagrantlydisregardedtheapplicationsprocessbynothavingtheboycometoBeecherPrepfortheinterviewortakethetestlikeeveryoneofourkidsdid.Hebroke the rules.And rules are rules.Thats it.Mommadea sad faceatBrigit.Ohdear,Brigit.Icanseeyoutotallydisapprove!
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No,Melissa,notatall,Charlottesmomsaid,shakingherhead.Itsatoughsituationallaround.Look,thefactis,yoursongotpunchedintheface.Youhaveeveryrighttofeelangryanddemandsomeanswers.Thank you.Mom nodded and crossed her arms. I just think the whole things been
handledterribly,thatsall.AndIblameTushman.Completely.Absolutely,saidHenrysmom.Hesgottogo,agreedMilessmom.IlookedatMom,surroundedbynoddingmoms,andIthought,okay,somaybethisisgoing
to turn out to be one of those really super-mommoments.Maybe everything shewas doingwouldmakeitsothatAuggieendedupgoingtoadifferentschool,andthenthingscouldgobacktothewayitusedtobeatBeecherPrep.Thatwouldbesoawesome!Butapartofmewasthinking,maybethisisgoingtoturnintoanot-so-super-mommoment.I
mean,someofthestuffshewassayingsoundedkindofIdontknow.Kindofharsh, Iguess.Itslikewhenshegetsmadatawaiter.Youendupfeelingsorryforthewaiter.Thethingis,Iknowshesonthisanti-Tushmanmissionbecauseofme.IfIhadntstartedgettingnightmares again, and if Jackhadntpunchedme,noneof thiswouldbehappening. ShewouldntbemakingabigdealaboutAuggie,orTushman,and shedbeconcentratingallhertimeandenergyongoodstuff,likeraisingmoneyfortheschoolandvolunteeringatthehomelessshelter.Momdoesgoodstufflikethatallthetime!SoIdontknow.Ontheonehand,Imhappyshestryingtohelpme.Andontheother
hand,Iwouldloveforhertostop.
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The thing thatannoyedme themostwhenwegotback fromwinterbreakwas thatJackhadgonebacktobeing friendswithAuggieagain.Theyhadhadsomekindof fightafterHalloween,which iswhyJackandI startedbeingbrosagain.Butafterwinterbreakwasover,theywerebestbudsagain.Itwassolame!I told everyoneweneeded to really ice Jack out, for his owngood.Hehad to choose,
onceandforall,whetherhewantedtobeonTeamAuggieorTeamJulianandtheRestoftheWorld.Sowestartedcompletely ignoringJack:not talking tohim,notansweringhisquestions.Itwaslikehedidntexist.Thatllshowhim!AndthatswhenIstartedleavingmylittlenotes.Oneday,someonehadleftsomePost-it
notesononeof thebenches in theyard,which iswhatgaveme the idea. Iwrote in thisreallypsycho-killerhandwriting:Nobodylikesyouanymore!IslippeditintotheslitsinJackslockerwhennoonewaslooking.Iwatchedhimoutof
thecornerofmyeyewhenhefoundit.HeturnedaroundandsawHenryopeninghislockernearby.DidJulianwritethis?heasked.ButHenrywasoneofmypeeps,youknow?HejusticedJackout,pretendedlikenoone
waseventalkingtohim.JackcrumpledthePost-itandflickeditintohislockerandbangedthedoorshut.AfterJackleft,IwentovertoHenry.Hollah!Isaid,givinghimthedevilssign,whichmadeHenrylaugh.Overthenextcoupleofdays,IleftafewmorenotesinJackslocker.AndthenIstarted
leavingsomeinAuggieslocker.TheywerenotI repeat,notabig deal. Theyweremostly stupid stuff. I didnt think
anyonewouldevertakethemseriously.Imean,theywereactuallykindoffunny!Well,kindof.Atleast,someofthemwere.
Youstink,bigcheese!Freak!Getoutofourschool,orc!
NoonebutHenryandMilesknewthatIwaswritingthesenotes.Andtheyweresworntosecrecy.
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IdontknowhowtheheckMr.Tushmanfoundoutaboutthem.IdontthinkJackorAuggiewouldhavebeendumbenoughtoratonme,becausetheyhadstartedleavingmenotesinmy locker, too. I mean, how stupid would you have to be to rat someone out aboutsomethingthatyouweredoing,too?So,hereswhathappened.AfewdaysbeforetheFifth-GradeNatureRetreat,whichIwas
totally looking forward to, Mom got a phone call from Dr. Jansen, the headmaster ofBeecherPrep.Hesaidhewanted todiscusssomethingwithherandDad,andasked forameeting.MomassumeditprobablyhadtodowithMr.Tushman,thatmaybehewasgettingfired.
Soshewasactuallykindofexcitedaboutthemeeting!Theyshowedupfortheappointmentattena.m.,andtheywerewaitinginDr.Jansens
officewhen,allofasudden,theyseemewalkingintotheoffice,too.Ms.Rubinhadtakenmeoutofclass,askedmetofollowher,andbroughtmethere:Ihadnoideawhatwasup.Idneverevenbeentotheheadmastersofficebefore,sowhenIsawMomandDadthere,Ilookedasconfusedastheylooked.Whats going on?Mom said toMs.Rubin. BeforeMs.Rubin could say anything,Mr.
TushmanandDr.Jansencameintotheoffice.Everyoneshookhandsandtheywereall smilesas theygreetedoneanother.Ms.Rubin
saidshehadtogobacktoclassbutthatshewouldcallMomandDadlatertocheckin.ThissurprisedMom.IcouldtellshestartedthinkingthatmaybethiswasntaboutMr.Tushmangettingfired,afterall.ThenDr.Jansenaskedustositonthesofaoppositehisdesk.Mr.Tushmansatdownina
chairnexttous,andDr.Jansensatbehindhisdesk.Well,thankyousomuchforcoming,MelissaandJules,Dr.Jansensaidtomyparents.
Itwasstrangehearinghimcallthembytheirfirstnames.Iknewtheyallkneweachotherfrombeingon theboard, but it soundedweird. I knowhowbusyyouare.And Im sureyourewonderingwhatthisisallabout.Well,yes,saidMom,buthervoicedriftedoff.Dadcoughedintohishand.The reasonweaskedyouhere today isbecause,unfortunately,Dr.Jansencontinued,
wehaveaseriousmatteronourhands,andwedliketofigureoutthebestwaytoresolveit.Julian,doyouhaveanyinklingofwhatImightbetalkingabout?Helookedatme.Iopenedmyeyeswide.Me?Isnappedmyheadbackandmadeaface.No.Dr.Jansensmiledandsighedatmeatthesametime.Hetookoffhisglasses.You understand, he said, looking atme, we take bullying very seriously at Beecher
Prep.Thereszerotoleranceforanykindofbullying.WefeelthateverysingleoneofourstudentsdeservestherighttolearninacaringandrespectfulatmosphereExcuseme,butcansomeonetellmewhatsgoingonhere?Mominterrupted,lookingat
Dr. Jansen impatiently. Weobviouslyknow themission statementatBeecherPrep,Hal:wepracticallywroteit!Letscuttothechasewhatsgoingon?
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Dr.JansenlookedatMr.Tushman.Whydontyouexplain,Larry?hesaid.Mr.TushmanhandedanenvelopetoMomandDad.Momopeneditandpulledoutthe
last threePost-it notes Ihad left inAuggies locker. I knew immediately thatswhat theywerebecausethesewereactuallypinkPost-itsandnotyellowoneslikealltheothershadbeen.So,Ithought:Ah-ha!SoitwasAuggiewhotoldMr.TushmanaboutthePost-itnotes!Whata
turd!!Momread through thenotesquickly, raisedhereyebrows,andpassed themtoDad.He
readthemandlookedatme.Youwrotethese,Julian?hesaid,holdingthenotesoutforme.Iswallowed.Ilookedathimkindofblankly.Hehandedmethenotes,andIjuststaredat
them.Umwell,Ianswered.Yeah,Iguess.But,Dad,theywerewritingnotes,too!Whowaswritingnotes?askedDad.JackandAuggie,Ianswered.Theywerewritingnotestome,too!Itwasntjustme!Butyoustartedthenotewriting,didntyou?askedMr.Tushman.Excuse me, Mom interjected angrily. Lets not forget that it was Jack Will who
punched Julian in the mouth, not the other way around. Obviously, theres going to beresidualangerHowmanyofthesenotesdidyouwrite,Julian?Dadinterrupted,tappingonthePost-
itsIwasholding.Idontknow,Isaid.Itwashardformetogetthewordsout.Like,sixorsomething.
Buttheotheroneswerentthisyouknow,bad.ThesenotesareworsethantheotheronesIwrote. The other oneswerent soMy voice kind of drifted off as I rereadwhat Idwrittenonthethreenotes:Yo,DarthHideous.Youresouglyyoushouldwearamaskeveryday!And:Ih8u,Freak!Andthelastone:Ibetyourmotherwishesyoudneverbeenborn.Youshoulddoeverybodyafavoranddie.Ofcourse,lookingatthemnow,theyseemedalotworsethanwhenIwrotethem.ButI
wasmadthensupermad.IhadjustgottenoneoftheirnotesandWait!Isaid,andIreachedintomypocket.IfoundthelastPost-itthatAuggieandJack
hadleftformeinmylocker,justyesterday.Itwaskindofcrumpledupnow,butIhelditouttoMr.Tushmantoread.Look!Theywrotemeanstufftome,too!Mr.TushmantookthePost-it,readitquickly,andhandedittomyparents.Mymomread
itandthenlookedatthefloor.Mydadreaditandshookhishead,puzzled.HehandedmethePost-itandIrereadit.Julian, youre so hot! Summer doesnt like you, but I want to have your babies! Smell my
armpits!Love,Beulah
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WhotheheckisBeulah?askedDad.Nevermind, Ianswered.Icantexplain. Ihanded thePost-itback toMr.Tushman,
whogaveittoDr.Jansentoread.Inoticedheactuallytriedtohideasmile.Julian,saidMr.Tushman,thethreenotesyouwrotedontcompareatalltothisnote
incontent.Idontthinkitsforanyoneelsetojudgethesemanticsofanote,saidMom.Itdoesnt
matterwhetheryouthinkonenoteisworsethantheotheritshowthepersonreadingthenotereadsit.Thefactis,JulianshadalittlecrushonthisSummergirlallyearlong,anditprobablyhurthisfeelingsMom!Iyelled,andIcoveredmyfacewithmyhands.Thatssoembarrassing!AllImsayingisthatanotecanbehurtfultoachildwhetheryouseeitornot,Mom
saidtoMr.Tushman.Are you kiddingme? answeredMr. Tushman, shaking his head. He sounded angrier
thanIhadeverheardhimbefore.AreyoutellingmeyoudontfindthePost-itsyoursonwrotecompletelyhorrifying?BecauseIdo!Imnotdefendingthenotes!answeredMom.Imjustremindingyouthatitwasatwo-
waystreet.YouhavetorealizethatJulianwasobviouslywritingthosenotesasareactiontosomething.Look, said Dr. Jansen, holding his hand out in front of him like a crossing guard.
Theresnodoubttheressomehistoryhere.Thosenoteshurtmyfeelings!Isaid,andIdidntmindthatIsoundedlikeIwasgoing
tocry.Idontdoubtthattheirnoteshurtyourfeelings,Julian,Dr.Jansenanswered.Andyou
were trying tohurt their feelings.Thats theproblemwith stuff like thiseveryonekeepstryingtotoponeanother,andthenthingsescalateoutofcontrol.Exactly!saidMom,anditalmostsoundedlikeshescreamedit.But the fact is, Dr. Jansen continued, holding up his finger, there is a line, Julian.
Thereisaline.Andyournotescrossedthatline.Theyrecompletelyunacceptable.IfAuggiehadreadthesenotes,howdoyouthinkhedfeel?HewaslookingatmesointenselythatIfeltlikedisappearingunderthesofa.Youmeanhehasntreadthem?Iasked.No,answeredDr.Jansen.ThankgoodnesssomeonereportedthenotestoMr.Tushman
yesterday, and he opened Auggies locker and intercepted them before Auggie ever sawthem.Inoddedandloweredmyhead.IhavetoadmitIwasgladAuggiehadntreadthem.I
guess IknewwhatDr.Jansenmeantaboutcrossingthe line.But thenI thought,so if itwasntAuggiewhorattedmeout,whowasit?Wewereallquietforaminuteortwo.Itwasawkwardbeyondbelief.
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Okay, saidDad finally, rubbing his palm over his face. Obviously,we understand theseriousnessofthesituationnow,andwewilldosomethingaboutit.IdontthinkIdeverseenDadlooksouncomfortable.Imsorry,Dad!Well,wehave some recommendations,answeredDr. Jansen. Obviously,wewant to
helpeveryoneinvolved.Thankyouforunderstanding,saidMom,gettingherpocketbookreadyas if shewere
gettingup.Butthereareconsequences!saidMr.Tushman,lookingatMom.Excuseme?sheshotbackathim.As I said in the beginning, Dr. Jansen interjected, the school has a very strict anti-
bullyingpolicy.Yeah,wesawhowstrictitwaswhenyoudidntexpelJackWillforpunchingJulianin
themouth,Momansweredquickly.Yeah,takethat,Mr.Tushman!Oh,comeon!Thatwascompletelydifferent,Mr.Tushmananswereddismissively.Oh?answeredMom.Punchingsomeoneinthefaceisntbullyingtoyou?Okay,okay,saidDad,raisinghishandtokeepMr.Tushmanfromanswering.Letsjust
cuttothechase,okay?Whatexactlyareyourrecommendations,Hal?Dr.Jansenlookedathim.Julianisbeingsuspendedfortwoweeks,hesaid.What?yelledMom,lookingatDad.ButDaddidntlookback.In addition, said Dr. Jansen, were recommending counseling. Nurse Molly has the
namesofseveraltherapistswhowethinkJulianshouldseeThisisoutrageous,interruptedMom,steaming.Wait,Isaid.Youmean,Icantgotoschool?Notfortwoweeks,answeredMr.Tushman.Startingimmediately.Butwhataboutthetriptothenatureretreat?Iasked.Youcantgo,heansweredcoldly.No!Isaid,andnowIreallywasabouttocry.Iwanttogotothenatureretreat!Imsorry,Julian,Dr.Jansensaidgently.Thisisabsolutelyridiculous,saidMom,lookingatDr.Jansen.Dontyouthinkyoure
overreactingalittle?Thatkiddidntevenreadthenotes!Thatsnotthepoint!answeredMr.Tushman.IlltellyouwhatIthink!saidMom.Thisisbecauseyouadmittedakidintotheschool
whoshouldnthavebeenadmittedintotheschoolinthefirstplace.Andyoubroketherulestodoit.AndnowyourejusttakingthisoutonmykidbecauseImtheonewhohadthegutstocallyouonit!Melissa,saidDr.Jansen,tryingtocalmherdown.These children are too young to deal with things like this facial deformities,
disfigurement, Mom continued, talking to Dr. Jansen. You must see that! Julians hadnightmaresbecauseofthatboy.Didyouknowthat?Julianhasanxietyissues.
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Mom!Isaid,clenchingmyteeth.TheboardshouldhavebeenconsultedaboutwhetherBeecherPrepwastherightplace
forachild like that,Momcontinued. Thats all Im saying!Were justnot setup for it.Thereareotherschoolsthatare,butwerenot!Youcanchoosetobelievethatifyouwant,answeredMr.Tushman,notlookingather.Momrolledhereyes.Thisisawitchhunt,shemutteredquietly,lookingoutthewindow.Shewasfuming.Ihadnoideawhatshewastalkingabout.Witches?Whatwitches?Okay, Hal, you said you had some recommendations, Dad said to Dr. Jansen. He
soundedgruff.Isthatit?Two-weeksuspensionandcounseling?Wed also like for Julian to write a letter of apology to August Pullman, said Mr.
Tushman.Apologyforwhatexactly?answeredMom.Hewrotesomestupidnotes.Surelyhesnot
theonlykidintheworldwhoseverwrittenastupidnote.Itsmore thanastupidnote!answeredMr.Tushman.Itsapatternofbehavior.He
startedcountingonhisfingers.Itsthemakingfacesbehindthekidsback.Itsthegameheinitiated,whereifsomeonetouchesAuggiehehastowashhishands.I couldnt believe Mr. Tushman even knew about the Plague game! How do teachers
knowsomuch?Itssocialisolation,Mr.Tushmancontinued.Itscreatingahostileatmosphere.And you know for a fact that its Julian who initiated all this? asked Dad. Social
isolation?Hostileatmosphere?AreyousayingthatJulianwastheonlykidwhowasntnicetothisboy?Orareyoususpendingeverykidwhostuckhistongueoutatthiskid?Goodone,Dad!ScoreonefortheAlbanses!Doesnt it trouble you at all that Julian doesnt seem to be showing the least bit of
remorse?saidMr.Tushman,squintingatDad.Okay,lets juststoprighthere,Dadsaidquietly,pointinghisfingerinMr.Tushmans
face.Please,everyone,saidDr.Jansen.Letscalmdownabit.Obviously,thisisdifficult.After allweve done for this school,Momanswered, shaking her head. After all the
moneyandthetimeweveputintothisschool,youwouldthinkwedgetjustalittlebitofconsideration.Sheputherthumbandherindexfingertogether.Justalittle.Dad nodded. He was still looking angrily at Mr. Tushman, but then he looked at Dr.
Jansen. Melissas right, he said. I think we deserved a little better than this, Hal. Afriendlywarningwould have been nice. Instead, you call us in here like children.Hestoodup.Wedeservedbetter.Imsorryyoufeelthatway,saidDr.Jansen,standingupaswell.Theboardoftrusteeswillhearaboutthis,saidMom.Shegotup,too.Imsuretheywill,answeredDr.Jansen,crossinghisarmsandnodding.Mr.Tushmanwastheonlyadultstillsittingdown.Thepointofthesuspensionisntpunitive,hesaidquietly.WeretryingtohelpJulian,
too.Hecant fullyunderstandtheramificationsofhisactionsifyoukeeptryingtojustifythemaway.WewanthimtofeelsomeempathyYouknow, Iveheard justaboutenough! saidMom,holdingherpalm in frontofMr.
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Tushmansface.Idontneedparentingadvice.Notfromsomeonewhodoesnthavekidsofhisown.Youdontknowwhatitsliketoseeyourkidhavingapanicattackeverytimeheshutshiseyestogotosleep,okay?Youdontknowwhatitslike.Hervoicecrackedabit,likeshewasgoingtocry.ShelookedatDr.Jansen.ThisaffectedJuliandeeply,Hal.Imsorryifthatsnotpoliticallycorrecttosay,butitsthetruth,andImjusttryingtodowhatIthinkisbestformyson!Thatsall.Doyouunderstand?Yes,Melissa,Dr.Jansenansweredsoftly.Momnodded.Herchinquivered.Arewedonehere?Canwegonow?Sure,heanswered.Comeon,Julian,shesaid,andshewalkedoutoftheoffice.Istoodup.Iadmit,Iwasntexactlysurewhatwasgoingon.Wait,isthatit?Iasked.Butwhataboutmythings?Allmystuffsinmylocker.Ms. Rubin will get your things ready and shell get them to you later this week,
answeredDr.Jansen.HelookedatDad.Imreallysorryitcametothis,Jules.Heheldouthishandforahandshake.Dadlookedathishandbutdidntshakeit.HelookedatDr.Jansen.HerestheonlythingIwantfromyou,Hal,hesaidquietly.Iwantthatthisallofthis
bekept confidential. Is that clear? It doesnt gobeyond this room. I dontwant Julianturnedintosomekindofanti-bullyingposterboybytheschool.Nooneistoknowhesbeensuspended.Wellmakeupsomeexcuseaboutwhyhesnotinschool,andthatsit.Areweclear,Hal? Idontwanthimmade intoanexample. Imnotgoing to standbywhile thisschooldragsmyfamilysreputationthroughthemud.Oh,bytheway,incaseIhadntmentioneditbefore:Dadsalawyer.Dr.JansenandMr.Tushmanexchangedlooks.Wearenotlookingtomakeanexampleofanyofourstudents,Dr.Jansenanswered.
Thissuspensionreallyisaboutareasonableresponsetounreasonablebehavior.Givemeabreak,answeredDad,lookingathiswatch.Itsamassiveoverreaction.Dr.JansenlookedatDad,andthenhelookedatme.Julian,hesaid,lookingmerightintheeye.CanIaskyousomethingpoint-blank?IlookedatDad,whonodded.Ishrugged.Doyoufeelatallremorsefulforwhatyouvedone?Dr.Jansenaskedme.Ithoughtaboutitasecond.Icouldtellallthegrown-upswerewatchingme,waitingfor
metoanswersomethingmagicalthatwouldmakethiswholesituationbetter.Yes,Isaidquietly.ImreallysorryIwrotethoselastnotes.Dr.Jansennodded.Isthereanythingelseyoufeelremorsefor?heasked.I lookedatDadagain.Imnotanidiot.Iknewwhathewasdyingformetosay.I just
wasntgoingtosayit.SoIlookeddownandshrugged.CanIaskyouthis,then?saidDr.Jansen.WillyouconsiderwritingAuggiealetterof
apology?Ishruggedagain.Howmanywordsdoesithavetobe?wasallIcouldthinktosay.IknewthemomentIsaiditthatIprobablyshouldnthave.Dr.Jansenlookedatmydad,
whojustlookeddown.Julian, said Dad. Go findMom.Wait forme by the reception area. Ill be out in a
second.
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JustasIclosedthedooronmywayout,DadstartedwhisperingsomethingtoDr.JansenandMr.Tushman.Itwasahushed,angrywhisper.WhenIgottothereceptionarea,IfoundMomsittingonachairwithhersunglasseson.I
satdownnexttoher.Sherubbedmybackbutshedidntsayanything.Ithinkshehadbeencrying.Ilookedattheclock:10:20a.m.Rightaboutnow,Ms.Rubinwasprobablygoingoverthe
resultsofyesterdaysquiz inscienceclass.AsI lookedaroundthelobby,Ihadablipofamemorythat day before school started,whenme, JackWill, and Charlotte hadmet upherebeforemeetingourwelcomebuddyforthefirsttime.IrememberhownervousJackhadbeenthatday,andhowIdidntevenknowwhoAuggiewas.Somuchhadhappenedsincethen.
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Daddidntsayanythingwhenhemetusinthelobby.Wejustwalkedoutthedoorswithoutsayinggoodbyeeventothesecurityguardatthereceptiondesk.Itwasweirdleavingtheschoolwheneveryonewasstillinside.IwonderedwhatMilesandHenrywouldthinkwhenIdidntcomebacktoclass.IhatedthatIwasgoingtomissPEthatafternoon.Myparentswerequietthewholewaybacktothehouse.WeliveontheUpperWestSide,
which is about a half-hour drive fromBeecher Prep, but it felt like it took forever to gethome.IcantbelieveIgotsuspended,Isaid,justaswepulledintotheparkinggarageinour
building.Itsnotyourfault,honey,answeredMom.Theyhaveitinforus.Melissa!Dadyelled,whichsurprisedMomabit.Yes,ofcourseitshisfault.Thiswhole
situationishisfault!Julian,whattheheckwereyouthinking,writingnoteslikethat?Hewasgoadedintowritingthem!answeredMom.Wehadpulledtoastopinsidethegarage.Theparking-garageattendantwaswaitingfor
ustogetoutofthecar,butwedidntgetout.Dad turned around and looked at me. Im not saying I think the school handled this
right,hesaid.Twoweekssuspensionisridiculous.But,Julian,youshouldknowbetter!Iknow!Isaid.Itwasamistake,Dad!Weallmakemistakes,saidMom.Dadturnedbackaround.HelookedatMom.Jansensright,Melissa.Ifyoukeeptrying
tojustifyhisactionsThatsnotwhatImdoing,Jules.Daddidntanswerrightaway.Thenhesaid,ItoldJansenthatwerepullingJulianout
ofBeecherPrepnextyear.Momwasliterallyspeechless.Ittookasecondforwhathesaidtohitme.Youwhat? I
said.Jules,Momsaidslowly.ItoldJansenthatwellfinishoutthisyearatBeecherPrep,Dadcontinuedcalmly.But
nextyear,Juliansgoingtoadifferentschool.Icantbelievethis!Icried.IloveBeecherPrep,Dad!Ihavefriends!Mom!Im not sending you back to that school, Julian, Dad said firmly. No way am I
spending another dimeon that school. There are plenty of other great private schools inNewYorkCity.Mom!Isaid.Momwipedher hand across her face. She shookher head. Dont you thinkwe should
havetalkedaboutthisfirst?shesaidtoDad.Youdontagree?hecountered.Sherubbedherforeheadwithherfingers.No,Idoagree,shesaidsoftly,nodding.Mom!Iscreamed.
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Sheturnedaroundinherseat.Honey,IthinkDaddysright.Icantbelievethis!Iyelled,punchingthecarseat.Theyhaveitinforusnow,shecontinued.Becausewecomplainedaboutthesituation
withthatboyButthatwasyourfault!Isaidthroughclenchedteeth.Ididnttellyoutotryandget
Auggiethrownoutoftheschool.IdidntwantyoutogetTushmanfired.Thatwasyou!AndImsorryaboutthat,sweetheart,shesaidmeekly.Julian!saidDad.Yourmomdideverythingshedidtotryandprotectyou.Itsnother
faultyouwrotethosenotes,isit?No,butifshehadntmadesuchabigstinkabouteverything,Istartedtosay.Julian, do you hear yourself? saidDad. Now youre blaming yourmom. Before you
wereblaming theotherboys forwriting thosenotes. Im starting towonder ifwhat theyweresayingisright!Dontyoufeelanyremorseforwhatyouvedone?Ofcoursehedoes!saidMom.Melissa,lethimanswerforhimself!Dadsaidloudly.No,okay?Iyelled.Imnotsorry!IknoweverybodythinksIshouldbeall,Imsorryfor
beingmeantoAuggie,ImsorryItalkedsmackabouthim,ImsorryIdissedhim.ButImnot.Sosueme.BeforeDadcouldrespond,thegarageattendantknockedonthecarwindow.Anothercar
hadpulledintothegarageandtheyneededustogetout.
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Ididnt tellanyoneabout thesuspension.WhenHenry textedmea fewdays lateraskingwhyIwasntinschool,ItoldhimIhadstrepthroat.Thatswhatwetoldeveryone.Itturnsout,twoweekssuspensionisntsobad,bytheway.Ispentmostofmytimeat
home watching SpongeBob reruns and playing Knights of the Old Republic. I was stillsupposedtokeepuponmyschoolwork,though,soitsnotlikeItotallygottogoofoff.Ms.Rubindroppedbytheapartmentoneafternoonwithallmylockerstuff:mytextbooks,myloose-leafbook,andalltheassignmentsIwouldneedtomakeup.Andtherewasalot!Everythingwent reallywellwith social studies andEnglish, but I had somuch trouble
doingthemathhomeworkthatMomgotmeamathtutor.Despiteallthetimeoff,Ireallywasexcitedaboutgoingback.OratleastIthoughtIwas.
Thenightbeforemy firstdayback, Ihadoneofmynightmaresagain.Only this time, itwasntmewholookedlikeAuggieitwaseveryoneelse!I should have taken that as a premonition. When I got back to school, as soon as I
arrived,Icouldtellsomethingwasup.Somethingwasdifferent.ThefirstthingInoticedisthatnoonewasreallyexcitedaboutseeingmeagain.Imean,peoplesaidhelloandaskedmehowIwasfeeling,butnoonewaslike,dude,Imissedyou!Iwouldhave thoughtMilesandHenrywouldbe like that,but theywerent. In fact, at
lunchtime,theydidntevensitatourusualtable.TheysatwithAmos.SoIhadtotakemytrayandfindaplacetosqueezeinatAmosstable,whichwaskindofhumiliating.ThenIoverheardthethreeofthemtalkingabouthangingoutattheplaygroundafterschoolandshootinghoops,butnooneaskedmetocome!The thing thatwasweirdest of all, though,was that everyonewasbeing reallynice to
Auggie.Like,ridiculouslynice.ItwaslikeIhadenteredtheportaltoadifferentdimension,an alternate universe in which Auggie and I had changed places. Suddenly, he was thepopularone,andIwastheoutsider.Rightafterlastperiod,IpulledHenryovertotalktohim.Yo,dude,whyiseveryonebeingsonicetothefreakallofasudden?Iasked.Oh,um,saidHenry,lookingaroundkindofnervously.Yeah,well,peopledontreally
callhimthatanymore.And then he told me all about the stuff that had gone down at the nature retreat.
Basically,whathadhappenedwas thatAuggie and Jack got pickedonby some seventh-grade bullies from another school.Henry,Miles, andAmos had rescued them, got into afightwith thebullieslikewithrealpunches flyingandthen theyallescaped throughacornmaze. It soundedreallyexciting,andashewas tellingme, IgotmadalloveragainthatMr.Tushmanhadmadememissit.Ohman, I said excitedly. Iwish Id been there! I totallywould have creamed those
jerks.Wait,whichjerks?Theseventhgraders!Really? He looked puzzled, thoughHenry always looked a little puzzled. Because, I
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dontknow,Julian.Ikindofthinkthatifyouhadbeenthere,wemightnothaverescuedthematall.Youprobablywouldhavebeencheeringfortheseventhgraders!Ilookedathimlikehewasanidiot.NoIwouldnt,Isaid.Seriously?hesaid,givingmealook.No!Isaid.Okay!heanswered,shrugging.Yo,Henry,areyoucoming?Amoscalledoutfromdownthehallway.Look,Igottago,saidHenry.Wait,Isaid.Gottago.Wanttohangouttomorrowafterschool?Notsure,heanswered,backingaway.Textmetonightandwellsee.As Iwatchedhim jogaway, Ihad this terrible feeling in thepitofmystomach.Didhe
reallythinkIwasthatawfulthatIwouldhavebeenrootingforsomeseventhgraderswhiletheybeatAuggieup?Isthatwhatotherpeoplethink?ThatIwouldhavebeenthatmuchofdirtwad?Look,ImthefirstonetosayIdontlikeAuggiePullman,butIwouldneverwanttosee
himgetbeatuporanything!Imean,comeon!Imnotapsycho.Itreallyannoyedmethatthatswhatpeoplethoughtaboutme.ItextedHenrylateron:Yo,btw,Iwouldneverhavejuststoodbyandletthosecreeps
beatAuggieandJackup!Buthenevertextedmeback.
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Thatlastmonthinschoolwasawful.Itsnotlikeanyonewasout-and-outmeantome,butIfelt iced out by Amos and Henry andMiles. I just didnt feel popular anymore. No onereally ever laughed atmy jokes.No onewanted to hang outwithme. I felt like I coulddisappear from the school and nobody would miss me. Meanwhile, Auggie was walkingdown the hallways like some cool dude, getting high-fived by all the jocks in the uppergrades.Whatever.Mr.Tushmancalledmeintohisofficeoneday.Howsitgoing,Julian?heaskedme.Fine.DidyoueverwritethatapologyletterIaskedyoutowrite?MydadsaysImleavingtheschool,soIdonthavetowriteanything,Ianswered.Oh,hesaid,nodding.IguessIwashopingyoudwanttowriteitonyourown.Why?Isaidback.EveryonethinksImthisbigdirtbagnowanyway.Whattheheckis
writingalettergoingtoaccomplish?JulianLook,IknoweveryonethinksImthisunfeelingkidwhodoesntfeelremorse!Isaid,
usingairquotes.Julian,saidMr.Tushman.NooneSuddenly,IfeltlikeIwasabouttocry,soIjustinterruptedhim.Imreallylateforclass
andIdontwanttogetintrouble,socanIpleasego?Mr.Tushmanlookedsad.Henodded.ThenIlefthisofficewithoutlookingback.Afewdays later,wereceivedanofficialnoticefromtheschooltellingusthattheyhad
withdrawntheirinvitationtore-enrollinthefall.Ididnt think itmattered,sinceDadhadtold themwewerentgoingbackanyway.But
westillhadntheardfromtheotherschoolsIhadappliedto,andifIdidntgetintoanyofthem,wehadplannedonmygoingbacktoBeecherPrep.Butnowthatwasimpossible.Mom and Dad were furious at the school. Like, crazy mad. Mostly because they had
alreadypaid the tuition for thenextyear inadvance.And the schoolwasntplanningonreturning themoney.See, thats the thingwithprivate schools: theycankickyouout foranyreason.Luckily, a few days later, we did find out that Id gotten into my first-choice private
school,not far fromwhere I lived. Idhave towearauniform,but thatwasokay.BetterthanhavingtogotoBeecherPrepeveryday!Needlesstosay,weskippedthegraduationceremonyattheendoftheyear.
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Thatisonlytearssuchasmenuse,saidBagheera.NowIknowthouartaman,andamanscubnolonger.
Thejungleisshutindeedtotheehenceforward.Letthemfall,Mowgli.Theyareonlytears.
RudyardKipling,TheJungleBook
Oh,thewind,thewindisblowing,throughthegravesthewindisblowing,
freedomsoonwillcome;thenwellcomefromtheshadows.LeonardCohen,ThePartisan
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MyparentsandIwenttoParisinJune.TheoriginalplanwasthatwewouldreturntoNewYorkinJuly,sinceIwassupposedtogotorock-and-rollcampwithHenryandMiles.Butaftereverythingthathappened,Ididntwanttodothatanymore.Myparentsdecidedtoletmestaywithmygrandmotherfortherestofthesummer.Usually,IhatedstayingwithGrandmre,butIwasokayaboutitthistime.Iknewthat
aftermy parents went home, I could spend the entire day inmy PJs playingHalo, andGrandmrewouldntcareintheleast.IcouldprettymuchdowhateverIwanted.Grandmrewasntexactlythetypicalgrandmatype.NobakingcookiesforGrandmre.
Noknittingsweaters.Shewas,asDadalwayssaid,somethingofacharacter.Eventhoughshewasinhereighties,shedressedlikeafashionmodel.Superglamorous.Lotsofmakeupandperfume.Highheels.Sheneverwokeupuntiltwointheafternoon,andthenshedtakeatleasttwohourstogetdressed.Onceshewasup,shewouldtakemeoutshoppingortoamuseumora fancyrestaurant.Shewasnt intodoingkidstuff, ifyouknowwhat Imean.Shed never sit through a PGmoviewithme, for instance, so I ended up seeing a lot ofmoviesthatweretotallyage-inappropriate.Mom,Iknew,wouldgocompletelyballisticifshegotwindofsomeofthemoviesGrandmretookmetosee.ButGrandmrewasFrench,andwasalwayssayingmyparentsweretooAmericananyway.Grandmrealsodidnt talk tome like Iwasa littlekid.Evenwhen Iwasyounger, she
neverusedbabywordsor talked tome thewaygrown-upsusually talk to littlekids.Sheusedregularwordstodescribeeverything.Like,ifIwouldsay,Jeveuxfairepipi,meaningIwanttomakepee-pee,shewouldsay,Youneedtourinate?Gotothelavatory.Andshecursedsometimes, too.Boy,shecouldcurse!And if Ididntknowwhatacurse
wordmeant,allIhadtodowasaskherandshewouldexplainittomeindetail.Icanteventellyousomeofthewordssheexplainedtome!Anyway, Iwas glad to be away fromNYC for thewhole summer. Iwas hoping that I
wouldgetallthosekidsoutofmyhead.Auggie.Jack.Summer.Henry.Miles.Allofthem.IfIneversawanyofthosekidsagain,seriously,IwouldbethehappiestkidinParis.
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TheonlythingIwasalittlebummedaboutisthatInevergottosaygoodbyetoanyofmyteachersatBeecherPrep.Ireallylikedsomeofthem.Mr.Browne,myEnglishteacher,wasprobablymy favorite teacher of all time.He had always been really nice tome. I lovedwriting, and hewas really complimentary about it. And I never got to tell him IwasntcomingbacktoBeecherPrep.Atthebeginningoftheyear,Mr.Brownehadtoldallofusthathewantedustosendhim
one of our own precepts over the summer. So, one afternoon, while Grandmre wassleeping, I started thinkingabout sendinghimaprecept fromParis. Iwent tooneof thetouristshopsdowntheblockandboughtapostcardofagargoyle,oneofthoseatthetopofNotre-Dame.ThefirstthingIthoughtwhenIsawitwasthatitremindedmeofAuggie.AndthenIthought,Ugh!WhyamIstillthinkingabouthim?WhydoIstillseehisfacewhereverIgo?Icantwaittostartover!Andthatswhenithitme:myprecept.Iwroteitdownreallyquickly.Sometimesitsgoodtostartover.There.Perfect.Ilovedit.IgotMr.BrownesaddressfromhisteacherpageontheBeecher
Prepwebsite,anddroppeditinthemailthatsameday.But then, after I sent it, I realized he wasnt going to understand what it meant. Not
really.HedidnthavethewholebackgroundstoryaboutwhyIwassohappytobeleavingBeecherPrepandstartingoversomewherenew.So,Idecidedtowritehimanemailtotellhimeverything thathadhappened last year. Imean,not everything. Dad had specificallytoldmenottoevertellanyoneattheschoolaboutthemeanstuffIdidtoAuggieforlegalreasons. But I wanted Mr. Browne to know enough so that he would understand myprecept. Ialsowantedhimtoknowthat I thoughthewasagreat teacher.Momhadtoldeveryone that I wasnt going back to Beecher Prep because we were unhappy with theacademicsandtheteachers.IfeltkindofbadaboutthatbecauseIdidntwantMr.BrownetoeverthinkIwasunhappywithhim.So,anyway,IdecidedtosendMr.Browneanemail.
To:[email protected]:[email protected]:Myprecept
Hi,Mr.Browne!Ijustsentyoumypreceptinthemail:Sometimesitsgoodtostartover.Itsonapostcardofagargoyle.IwrotethispreceptbecauseImgoingtoanewschoolinSeptember.IendeduphatingBeecherPrep.Ididnt likethestudents.But IDIDliketheteachers. I thoughtyourclasswasgreat.Sodont takemynotgoingbackpersonally.I dont know if youknow thewhole longstory, butbasically the reason Imnotgoingback toBeecherPrep
iswell,nottonamenames,buttherewasonestudentIreallydidntgetalongwith.Actually,itwastwostudents.(Youcanprobablyguesswhotheyarebecauseoneofthempunchedmeinthemouth.)Anyway,thesekidswerenotmyfavoritepeopleintheworld.Westartedwritingmeannotestoeachother.Irepeat:eachother.Itwasa2-waystreet!ButImtheonewhogotintroubleforit!Justme!Itwassounfair!Thetruthis,Mr.Tushmanhaditin
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formebecausemymomwastryingtogethimfired.Anyway,longstoryshort:Igotsuspendedfortwoweeks forwritingthenotes!(Nooneknowsthis,though.Itsasecretsopleasedonttellanyone.)Theschoolsaidithadazerotolerancepolicyagainstbullying.But Idontthinkwhat Ididwasbullying!Myparentsgotsomadattheschool!Theydecidedtoenrollmeinadifferentschoolnextyear.So,yeah,thatsthestory.I reallywishthat thatstudenthadnevercometoBeecherPrep!Mywholeyearwouldhavebeensomuch
better!Ihatedhavingtobeinhisclasses.Hegavemenightmares.IwouldstillbegoingtoBeecherPrepifhehadntbeenthere.Itsabummer.Ireallylikedyourclass,though.Youwereagreatteacher.Iwantedyoutoknowthat.
I thought itwasgoodthat Ihadntnamednames.But I figuredhedknowwhoIwastalkingabout.Ireallydidntexpecttohearbackfromhim,buttheverynextday,whenIcheckedmyin-box,therewasanemailfromMr.Browne.Iwassoexcited!
To:[email protected]:[email protected]:re:Myprecept
Hi,Julian.Thankssomuchforyouremail!Imlookingforwardtogettingthegargoylepostcard.IwassorrytohearyouwouldntbecomingbacktoBeecherPrep.Ialwaysthoughtyouwereagreatstudentandagiftedwriter.Bytheway,Iloveyourprecept.Iagree,sometimesitsgoodtostartover.Afreshstartgivesusthechanceto
reflectonthepast,weighthethingswevedone,andapplywhatwevelearnedfromthosethingstothefuture.Ifwedontexaminethepast,wedontlearnfromit.Asforthekidsyoudidntlike,IdothinkIknowwhoyouretalkingabout.Imsorrytheyeardidntturnoutto
beahappyoneforyou,butIhopeyoutakealittletimetoaskyourselfwhy.Thingsthathappentous,eventhebadstuff,canoftenteachusalittlebitaboutourselves.Doyoueverwonderwhyyouhadsuchahardtimewiththesetwostudents?Wasit,perhaps,theirfriendshipthatbotheredyou?WereyoutroubledbyAuggiesphysicalappearance?Youmentionedthatyoustartedhavingnightmares.DidyoueverconsiderthatmaybeyouwerejustalittleafraidofAuggie,Julian?Sometimesfearcanmakeeventhenicestkidssayanddothingstheywouldntordinarilysayordo.Perhapsyoushouldexplorethesefeelingsfurther?Inanycase, Iwishyou thebestof luck inyournewschool, Julian.Youreagoodkid.Anatural leader. Just
remembertouseyourleadershipforgood,huh?Dontforget:alwayschoosekind!
Idontknowwhy,butIwasso,so,sohappytogetthatemailfromMr.Browne!Iknewhewouldbeunderstanding!IwassotiredofeveryonethinkingIwasthisdemon-child,youknow?ItwasobviousthatMr.BrowneknewIwasnt.Irereadhisemaillike,tentimes.Iwassmilingfromeartoear.So? Grandmre asked me. She had just woken up and was having her breakfast: a
croissant and caf au lait delivered from downstairs. I havent seen you this happy allsummerlong.Whatisitthatyouarereading,moncher?Oh,Igotanemailfromoneofmyteachers,Ianswered.Mr.Browne.Fromyouroldschool?sheasked.Ithoughttheywereallbad,thoseteachers.Ithought
itwasgoodriddancetoallofthem!GrandmrehadathickFrenchaccentthatwashardtounderstandsometimes.What?Goodriddance!sherepeated.Nevermind.Ithoughttheteacherswereallstupid.The
wayshepronouncedstupidwasfunny:likestew-peed!
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Notall.NotMr.Browne,Ianswered.So,whatdidhewritetomakeyousohappy?Oh,nothingmuch,Isaid.ItsjustIthoughteveryonehatedme,butnowIknowMr.
Brownedoesnt.Grandmrelookedatme.Whywouldeveryonehateyou,Julian?sheasked.Youaresuchagoodboy.Idontknow,Ianswered.Readmetheemail,shesaid.No,Grandmre,Istartedtosay.Read,shecommanded,pointingherfingeratthescreen.SoIreadMr.Brownesletteraloudtoher.Now,Grandmreknewalittlebitaboutwhat
hadhappenedatBeecherPrep,butIdontthinksheknewthewholestory.Imean,IthinkMomandDadtoldhertheversionofthestorytheytoldeveryoneelse,withmaybeafewmoredetails.Grandmreknewtherewereacoupleofkidswhohadmademylifemiserable,forinstance,butshedidntknowthespecifics.SheknewIdgottenpunchedinthemouth,but shedidntknowwhy. Ifanything,Grandmreprobablyassumed Ihadgottenbullied,andthatswhyIwasleavingtheschool.So,therewerepartsofMr.Brownesemailshereallydidntunderstand.Whatdoeshemean, she said, squinting as she tried to readoffmy screen. Auggies
physicalappearance?Quest-cequecest?Oneof thekids that Ididnt like,Auggie,hehad likethisawfulfacialdeformity, I
answered.Itwasreallybad.Helookedlikeagargoyle!Julian!shesaid.Thatisnotverynice.Sorry.Andthisboy,hewasnotsympathique?sheaskedinnocently.Hewasnotnicetoyou?
Washeabully?Ithoughtaboutthat.No,hewasntabully.So,whydidyounotlikehim?Ishrugged.Idontknow.Hejustgotonmynerves.Whatdoyoumean,youdontknow?sheansweredquickly.Yourparentstoldmeyou
wereleavingschoolbecauseofsomebullies,no?Yougotpunchedintheface?No?Well,yeah,Igotpunched,butnotbythedeformedkid.Byhisfriend.Ah!Sohisfriendwasthebully!No,notexactly,Isaid.Icantsaytheywerebullies,Grandmre.Imean,itwasntlike
that.Wejustdidntgetalong,thatsall.Wehatedeachother.Itskindofhardtoexplain,youkindofhadtobethere.Here,letmeshowyouwhathelookedlike.Thenmaybeyoullunderstandalittlebetter.Imean,nottosoundmean,butitwasreallyhardhavingtolookathimeveryday.Hegavemenightmares.IloggedontoFacebookandfoundourclasspicture,andzoomedinonAuggiesfaceso
shecouldsee.Sheputherglassesontolookatitandspentalongtimestudyinghisfaceonthe computer screen. I thought shewould react thewayMomhad reactedwhen she firstsawthatpictureofAuggie,butshedidnt.She justnoddedtoherself.Andthensheclosedthelaptop.Prettybad,huh?Isaidtoher.
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Shelookedatme.Julian, she said. I thinkmaybeyour teacher is right. I thinkyouwere afraidof this
boy.What?Noway! I answered. Im not afraid of Auggie! Imean, I didnt like himin
fact,IkindofhatedhimbutnotbecauseIwasafraidofhim.Sometimeswehatethethingsweareafraidof,shesaid.Imadeafacelikeshewastalkingcrazy.Shetookmyhand.Iknowwhatit is liketobeafraid,Julian,shesaid,holdingherfingeruptomyface.
TherewasalittleboythatIwasafraidofwhenIwasalittlegirl.Letmeguess,Ianswered,soundingbored.IbethelookedjustlikeAuggie.Grandmreshookherhead.No.Hisfacewasfine.So, why were you afraid of him? I asked. I tried to make my voice sound as
disinterestedaspossible,butGrandmreignoredmybadattitude.Shejustsatbackinherchair,herheadslightlytilted,andIcouldtellbylookingintoher
eyesthatshehadgonesomewherefaraway.
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IwasaverypopulargirlwhenIwasyoung,Julian,saidGrandmre.Ihadmanyfriends.I had pretty clothes. As you can see, I have always liked pretty clothes. Shewaved herhandsdownhersidestomakesureInoticedherdress.Shesmiled.Iwas a frivolous girl, she continued. Spoiled.When theGermans came to France, I
hardlytookanynotice.IknewthatsomeJewishfamiliesinmyvillageweremovingaway,butmyfamilywassocosmopolitan.Myparentswereintellectuals.Atheists.Wedidntevengotosynagogue.Shepausedhereandaskedmetobringherawineglass,whichIdid.Sheservedherselfa
fullglassand,asshealwaysdid,offeredmesome,too.And,asIalwaysdid,Isaid,Non,merci.LikeIsaid,MomwouldgoballisticifsheknewthestuffGrandmredidsometimes!Therewasaboyinmyschoolcalledwell,theycalledhimTourteau,shecontinued.
Hewashowdoyousaythewordacrippled?Isthathowyousayit?I dont think people use that word anymore, Grandmre, I said. Its not exactly
politicallycorrect,ifyouknowwhatImean.Sheflickedherhandatme.Americansarealwayscomingupwithnewwordswecant
say anymore! she said. Alors, well, Tourteaus legs were deformed from the polio. Heneeded two canes towalkwith.And his backwas all twisted. I think thatswhy hewascalledtourteau,crab:hewalkedsidewayslikeacrab.Iknow,itsoundsveryharsh.Childrenweremeanerinthosedays.IthoughtabouthowIcalledAugustthefreakbehindhisback.ButatleastInevercalled
himthattohisface!Grandmrecontinuedtalking.Ihavetoadmit:atfirstIwasntintohertellingmeoneof
herlongstories,butIwasgettingintothisone.Tourteauwas a little thing, a skinny thing.Noneof us ever talked tohimbecausehe
madeusuncomfortable.Hewas sodifferent! Inevereven lookedathim! Iwasafraidofhim.Afraid to lookathim, to talk tohim.Afraidhewouldaccidentally touchme. Itwaseasiertopretendhedidntexist.Shetookalongsipofherwine.Onemorning,amancamerunningintoourschool.Iknewhim.Everyonedid.Hewasa
Maquis,apartisan.Doyouknowwhatthatis?HewasagainsttheGermans.Herushedintothe school and told the teachers that the Germans were coming to take all the Jewishchildrenaway.What?Whatisthis?IcouldnotbelievewhatIwashearing!Theteachersinthe schoolwent around to all the classes and gathered the Jewish children together.Wewere told to follow theMaquis into the woods.We were going to go hide. Hurry hurryhurry!Ithinkthereweremaybetenofusinall!Hurryhurryhurry!Escape!Grandmrelookedatme,tomakesureIwaslisteningwhich,ofcourse,Iwas.Itwas snowing thatmorning,andverycold.Andall I could thinkwas, If I go into the
woods, I will ruin my shoes! I was wearing these beautiful new red shoes that Papa hadbroughtme,yousee.AsIsaidbefore, Iwasafrivolousgirlperhapsevenalittlestupid!But this iswhat Iwas thinking. I didnot even stop to think,Well,where isMamanand
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Papa?IftheGermanswerecomingfortheJewishchildren,hadtheycomefortheparentsalready? This did not occur to me. All I could think about weremy beautiful shoes. So,insteadoffollowingtheMaquisintothewoods,Isnuckawayfromthegroupandwenttohideinsidethebelltoweroftheschool.Therewasatinyroomupthere,fullofcratesandbooks, and there I hid. I remember thinking Iwould go home in the afternoon after theGermanscame,andtellMamanandPapaallaboutit.ThisishowstupidIwas,Julian!Inodded.IcouldntbelieveIhadneverheardthisstorybefore!AndthentheGermanscame,shesaid.Therewasanarrowwindowinthetower,andI
couldseethemperfectly. Iwatchedthemrunintothewoodsafter thechildren. Itdidnottakethemverylongtofindthem.Theyallcamebacktogether:theGermans,thechildren,theMaquissoldier.Grandmrepausedandblinkedafewtimes,andthenshetookadeepbreath.They shot theMaquis in front of all the children, she said quietly. He fell so softly,
Julian,inthesnow.Thechildrencried.Theycriedastheywereledawayinaline.Oneofthe teachers,Mademoiselle Petitjean,wentwith themeven though shewas not Jewish!Shesaidshewouldnotleaveherchildren!Nooneeversawheragain,poorthing.Bynow,Julian,Ihadawakenedfrommystupidity.Iwasnotthinkingofmyredshoesanymore.Iwasthinkingofmyfriendswhohadbeentakenaway.Iwasthinkingofmyparents.IwaswaitinguntilitwasnighttimesoIcouldgohometothem!ButnotalltheGermanshadleft.Somehadstayedbehind,alongwiththeFrenchpolice.
Theyweresearchingtheschool.AndthenIrealized,theywerelookingforme!Yes,forme,andfortheoneortwootherJewishchildrenwhohadnotgoneintothewoods.Irealizedthen thatmy friend Rachel had not been among the Jewish childrenwhoweremarchedaway.NorJakob,aboyfromanothervillagewhoallthegirlswantedtomarrybecausehewassohandsome.Wherewerethey?Theymusthavebeenhiding,justlikeIwas!Then I heard creaking, Julian. Up the stairs, I heard footsteps up the stairs, coming
closertome.Iwassoscared!Itriedtomakemyselfassmallaspossiblebehindthecrate,andhidmyheadbeneathablanket.Here,Grandmrecoveredherheadwithherarms,asiftoshowmehowshewashiding.AndthenIheardsomeonewhispermyname,shesaid.Itwasnotamansvoice.Itwas
achildsvoice.Sara?thevoicewhisperedagain.Ipeekedoutfromtheblanket.Tourteau! I answered, astonished. I was so surprised, because in all the years I had
knownhim,IdontthinkIhadeversaidawordtohim,norhimtome.Andyet,therehewas,callingmyname.Theywillfindyouhere,hesaid.Followme.And I did followhim, for bynow Iwas terrified.He ledmedownahallway into the
chapeloftheschool,whichIhadneverreallybeentobefore.Wewenttothebackofthechapel,wheretherewasacryptallthiswasnewtome,Julian!AndwecrawledthroughthecryptsotheGermanswouldnotseeusthroughthewindows,becausetheywerelookingforusstill.IheardwhentheyhadfoundRachel.Iheardherscreaminginthecourtyardastheytookheraway.PoorRachel!Tourteautookmedowntothebasementbeneaththecrypt.Theremusthavebeenone
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hundred steps at least. These were not easy for Tourteau, as you can imagine, with histerriblelimpandhistwocanes,buthehoppeddownthestepstwoatatime,lookingbehindhimtomakesureIwasfollowing.Finally, we arrived at a passage. It was so narrow we had to walk sideways to get
through. And then we were in the sewers, Julian! Can you imagine? I knew instantlybecauseofthesmell,ofcourse.Wewereknee-deepinrefuse.Youcanimaginethesmell.Somuchformyredshoes!Wewalkedallnight. Iwas socold,Julian!Tourteauwas suchakindboy, though.He
gavemehiscoattowear.Itwas,tothisday,themostnobleactanyonehaseverdoneforme.Hewas freezing, toobuthegavemehis coat. Iwas so ashamed for theway Ihadtreatedhim.Oh,Julian,Iwassoashamed!She coveredhermouthwithher fingers, and swallowed.Then she finished the glass of
wineandpouredherselfanother.The sewers lead to Dannevilliers, a small village about fifteen kilometers away from
Aubervilliers. Maman and Papa had always avoided this town because of the smell: thesewersfromParisdrainedontothefarmlandthere.WewouldnteveneatapplesgrowninDannevilliers! But its where Tourteau lived. He took me to his house, and we cleanedourselves by the well, and then Tourteau brought me to the barn behind his house. Hewrappedmeupinahorseblanketandtoldmetowait.Hewasgoingtogethisparents.No,Ipleaded.Pleasedonttell them. Iwassofrightened. Iwonderedif,whentheysaw
me,theywouldcalltheGermans.Youknow,Ihadnevermetthembefore!ButTourteauleft,andafewminuteslater,hereturnedwithhisparents.Theylookedat
me.Imusthaveseemedquitepatheticthereallwetandshivering.Themother,Vivienne,putherarmsaroundmetocomfortme.Oh,Julian, thathugwasthewarmesthugIhaveeverfelt!Icriedsohardinthiswomansarms,becauseIknewthen,IknewIwouldnevercry inmyownmamans armsagain. I justknew it inmyheart, Julian.And Iwas right.TheyhadtakenMamanthatsameday,alongwithalltheotherJewsinthecity.Myfather,whohadbeenatwork,hadbeenwarnedthat theGermanswerecomingandmanagedtoescape.HewassmuggledtoSwitzerland.ButitwastoolateforMaman.Shewasdeportedthatday.ToAuschwitz.Ineversawheragain.Mybeautifulmaman!Shetookadeepbreathhere,andshookherhead.
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Grandmrewassilentforafewseconds.Shewaslookingintotheairlikeshecouldseeitallhappeningagainrightinfrontofher.NowIunderstoodwhyshednevertalkedaboutthisbefore:itwastoohardforher.Tourteaus family hid me for two years in that barn, she continued slowly. Even
though itwas so dangerous for them.Wewere literally surroundedbyGermans, and theFrenchpolicehadalargeheadquartersinDannevilliers.Buteveryday,Ithankedmymakerfor thebarn thatwasmyhome, and the food thatTourteaumanaged tobringmeevenwhentherewashardlyanyfoodtogoaround.Peoplewerestarvinginthosedays,Julian.Andyet they fedme. Itwas a kindness that Iwill never forget. It is always brave to bekind,butinthosedays,suchkindnessescouldcostyouyourlife.Grandmrestartedtogetteary-eyedatthispoint.Shetookmyhand.ThelasttimeIsawTourteauwastwomonthsbeforetheliberation.Hehadbroughtme
somesoup.Itwasntevensoup.Itwaswaterwithalittlebitofbreadandonionsinit.Wehadboth lost somuchweight. Iwas in rags.Somuch formyprettyclothes!Even so,wemanagedtolaugh,TourteauandI.Welaughedaboutthingsthathappenedinourschool.Even though I could not go there anymore, of course, Tourteau still went every day. Atnight,hewouldtellmeeverythinghehadlearnedsothatIwouldstaysmart.Hewouldtellmeaboutallmyold friends, too,andhowtheyweredoing.Theyall still ignoredhim,ofcourse.AndheneverrevealedtoanyofthemthatIwasstillalive.Noonecouldknow.Noonecouldbetrusted!ButTourteauwasanexcellentnarrator,andhemademelaughalot.He could dowonderful imitations, and he even had funny nicknames for allmy friends.Imaginethat,Tourteauwasmakingfunofthem!I had no idea you were so mischievous! I told him. All those years, you were probably
laughingatmebehindmyback,too!Laughingatyou?hesaid.Never!Ihadacrushonyou;Ineverlaughedatyou.Besides,Ionly
laughedatthekidswhomadefunofme.Younevermadefunofme.Yousimplyignoredme.IcalledyouTourteau.Andso?Everyonecalledmethat.Ireallydontmind.Ilikecrabs!Oh,Tourteau,Iamsoashamed!Ianswered,andIrememberIcoveredmyfacewithboth
myhands.Atthispoint,Grandmrecoveredherfacewithherhands.Althoughherfingerswerebent
witharthritisnow,andIcouldseeherveins,Ipicturedheryounghandscoveringheryoungfacesomanyyearsago.Tourteautookmyhandswithhisownhands,shecontinued,slowlyremovingherhands
fromherface.Andheheldmyhandsforafewseconds.Iwasfourteenyearsoldthen,andIhadneverkissedaboy,buthekissedmethatday,Julian.Grandmreclosedhereyes.Shetookadeepbreath.Afterhekissedme,Isaidtohim,IdontwanttocallyouTourteauanymore.Whatisyour
name?Grandmreopenedhereyesandlookedatme.
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Canyouguesswhathesaid?sheasked.Iraisedmyeyebrowsasiftosayno,howwouldIknow?Thensheclosedhereyesagainandsmiled.Hesaid,MynameisJulian.
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OhmyGod! Icried.ThatswhyyounamedDadJulian?Even thougheveryonecalledhimJules,thatwashisname.Oui,shesaid,nodding.AndImnamedafterDad!Isaid.SoImnamedafterthiskid!Thatissocool!Shesmiledandranherfingersthroughmyhair.Butshedidntsayanything.ThenIrememberedhersaying,ThelasttimeIsawTourteauSowhathappenedtohim?Iasked.ToJulian?Almostinstantaneously,tearsrolleddownGrandmrescheeks.TheGermans tookhim, she said, that sameday.Hewasonhisway to school.They
weremakinganothersweepofthevillagethatmorning.Bynow,Germanywaslosingthewarandtheyknewit.But,Isaid,hewasntevenJewish!Theytookhimbecausehewascrippled,shesaidbetweensobs.Imsorry,Iknowyou
toldme thatword is a badword, but I dont know anotherword in English.Hewas aninvalide.ThatisthewordinFrench.Andthatiswhytheytookhim.Hewasnotperfect.Shepracticallyspatouttheword.Theytookalltheimperfectsfromthevillagethatday.Itwasapurge.TheGypsies.The shoemakers son,whowassimple.AndJulian.My tourteau.Theyputhiminacartwiththeothers.AndthenhewasputonatraintoDrancy.AndfromtheretoAuschwitz,likemymother.Weheardlaterfromsomeonewhosawhimtherethattheysenthimtothegaschambersrightaway.Justlikethat,poof,hewasgone.Mysavior.MylittleJulian.Shestoppedtowipehereyeswithahandkerchief,andthendranktherestofthewine.His parents were devastated, of course, M. Beaumier and Mme. Beaumier, she
continued. We didnt find out hewas dead until after the liberation. But we knew.Weknew.Shedabbedhereyes.Ilivedwiththemforanotheryearafterthewar.Theytreatedmelikeadaughter.TheyweretheoneswhohelpedtrackdownPapa,althoughittooksometime to findhim. Somuch chaos in those days.WhenPapa finallywas able to return toParis, Iwent to livewithhim.But I alwaysvisited theBeaumiersevenwhen theywereveryold.Ineverforgotthekindnesstheyshowedme.Shesighed.Shehadfinishedherstory.Grandmre,Isaid,afterafewminutes.Thatslike,thesaddestthingIveeverheard!I
didntevenknowyouwereinthewar.Imean,Dadsnevertalkedaboutanyofthis.Sheshrugged.IthinkitsverypossiblethatInevertoldyourfatherthisstory,shesaid.
Idontliketotalkaboutsadthings,youknow.Insomeways,IamstillthefrivolousgirlIused tobe.Butwhen Iheardyou talkingabout that littleboy inyour school, I couldnothelp but think of Tourteau, of howafraid I had once been of him, of howbadlywehadtreatedhimbecauseofhisdeformity.Those childrenhadbeen somean tohim, Julian. Itbreaksmyhearttothinkofit.Whenshesaid that, Idontknow,something just reallybroke insideofme.Completely
unexpected.Ilookeddownand,allofasudden,Istartedtocry.AndwhenIsayIstartedto
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cry, I dontmean a few tears rollingdownmy cheeksImean like, full-scale, snot-filledcrying.Julian,shesaidsoftly.Ishookmyheadandcoveredmyfacewithmyhands.I was terrible, Grandmre, I whispered. I was so mean to Auggie. Im so sorry,
Grandmre!Julian,shesaidagain.Lookatme.No!Lookatme,moncher.Shetookmyfaceinherhandsandforcedmetolookather.Ifelt
so embarrassed. I really couldnt look her in the eyes. Suddenly, that word that Mr.Tushmanhadused,thatwordthateveryonekepttryingtoforceonme,cametomelikeashout.REMORSE!Yeah,thereitwas.Thatwordinallitsglory.REMORSE.Iwasshakingwithremorse.Iwascryingwithremorse.Julian,saidGrandmre.Weallmakemistakes,moncher.No,youdontunderstand!Ianswered.Itwasntjustonemistake.Iwasthosekidswho
weremeantoTourteau.Iwasthebully,Grandmre.Itwasme!Shenodded.Icalledhimafreak.Ilaughedbehindhisback.Ileftmeannotes!Iscreamed.Momkept
makingexcusesforwhyIdidthatstuffbuttherewasntanyexcuse.Ijustdidit!AndIdontevenknowwhy.Idontevenknow.IwascryingsohardIcouldntevenspeak.Grandmrestrokedmyheadandhuggedme.Julian,shesaidsoftly.Youaresoyoung.Thethingsyoudid,youknowtheywerenot
right.But thatdoesnotmeanyouarenotcapableofdoing right. Itonlymeans thatyouchosetodowrong.This iswhat ImeanwhenIsayyoumadeamistake. Itwasthesamewithme.ImadeamistakewithTourteau.But the good thing about life, Julian, she continued, is thatwe can fix ourmistakes
sometimes.Welearnfromthem.Wegetbetter.InevermadeamistakeliketheoneImadewithTourteauagain,notwithanyoneinmylife.AndIhavehadavery,verylonglife.Youwill learn fromyourmistake, too.Youmustpromiseyourself that youwill neverbehavelike that with anyone else again. One mistake does not define you, Julian. Do youunderstandme?Youmustsimplyactbetternexttime.Inodded,butIstillcriedforalong,longtimeafterthat.
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Thatnight,IdreamtaboutAuggie.Idontrememberthedetailsofthedream,butIthinkwewerebeingchasedbyNazis.Auggiewascaptured,butIhadakeytolethimout.Andinmydream,IthinkIsavedhim.OrmaybethatswhatItoldmyselfwhenIwokeup.Sometimes,itshardtoknowwithdreams.Imean,inthisdreamtheNazisalllookedlikeDarthVadersImperialofficersanyway,soitshardtoputtoomuchmeaningintodreams.But what was really interesting tome, when I thought about it, is that it had been a
dreamnotanightmare.Andinthedream,AuggieandIwereonthesameside.Iwokeupsuperearlybecauseofthedream,anddidntgobacktosleep.Ikeptthinking
aboutAuggie,andTourteauJuliantheheroicboyIwasnamedfor.Itsweird:ThiswholetimeIhadbeenthinkingaboutAuggielikehewasmyenemy,butwhenGrandmretoldmethatstory,Idontknow,itallkindofjustsankinwithme.Ikeptthinkingofhowashamedthe original Julian would be to know that someone who carried his name had been somean.Ikept thinkingabouthow sadGrandmrewaswhen she told the story.Howshe could
rememberallthedetails,eventhoughithappenedlike,seventyyearsago.Seventyyears!WouldAuggieremembermeinseventyyears?WouldhestillrememberthemeanthingsIcalledhim?Idontwant tobe remembered for stuff like that. Iwouldwant tobe remembered the
wayGrandmreremembersTourteau!Mr.Tushman,Igetitnow!R.E.M.O.R.S.E.Igotupassoonasitwaslightout,andwrotethisnote.
DearAuggie,IwanttoapologizeforthestuffIdidlastyear.Ivebeenthinkingaboutitalot.Youdidnt
deserveit.IwishIcouldhaveado-over.Iwouldbenicer.IhopeyoudontrememberhowmeanIwaswhenyoureeightyyearsold.Haveanicelife.
Julian
PS:IfyouretheonewhotoldMr.Tushmanaboutthenotes,dontworry.Idontblameyou.
WhenGrandmrewokeupthatafternoon,Ireadherthenote.Improudofyou,Julian,shesaid,squeezingmyshoulder.Doyouthinkhellforgiveme?Shethoughtaboutit.Thats up to him, she answered. In the end,mon cher, all that matters is that you
forgiveyourself.Youarelearningfromyourmistake.LikeIlearnedwithTourteau.DoyouthinkTourteauwouldforgiveme?Iasked.Ifheknewhisnamesakehadbeen
somean?Shekissedmyhand.Tourteauwouldforgiveyou,sheanswered.AndIcouldtellshemeantit.
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IrealizedIdidnthaveAuggiesaddress,soIwroteanotheremailtoMr.Browneaskinghimif I could send himmy note toAuggie and have himmail it to him forme.Mr. Brow