Overcoming parent objections when informed about their child's eating disorder

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Eating DisordersOvercoming Negative Reactions from Parents

Pooky KnightsmithInstitute of Psychiatry



Dealing with difficult scenarios

A minority of parents will respond negatively when you tell them about their child’s eating disorder

What negative responses might you encounter?

How could you respond?


You’re blaming me for this…

• You may receive a negative reaction from parents because they believe you are blaming them for the difficulties their child is encountering.

• This can be quite a difficult scenario to deal with as, understandably, emotions tend to run high when a parent feels they are being criticised.

• Even if you think there is an element to which the parents are responsible for the child’s difficulties, it is in no way helpful to convey this information to parents.


You’re blaming me for this…

Useful phrases include:

“No one is to blame for Amy’s illness, not Amy, not us and not you.”

“You are clearly very supportive parents, that’s why we called you.”

“Amy is very lucky to have supportive parents such as yourselves.”

“We’re not interested in attributing blame, we just want to help Amy get better and we’re sure you can help.”


You’re going over the top…

• Students will often go to great lengths to hide the extent of their illness at home so it’s not that uncommon for parents to think the school is over-reacting.

• Dieting is very common among teenagers so parents may consider their son or daughter’s behaviour as normal.

• Many parents will assume that if there was something serious going on that they would be aware of it.

• Some parents will not understand the serious implications of eating disorders / disordered eating.


You’re going over the top…


“You’re right, not everyone who goes on a diet has an eating disorder, but in James’ case there are certain warning signs that he’s taking things too far.”

“James may be in the very early stages of an eating disorder but he is far

more likely to recover completely and be able to get on with his schoolwork and his life if we address his problems early.”

“The reason we’re worried about James is because we’ve noticed that….”


It’s none of your business…

• Some parents will be angry that the school is trying to get involved in what they consider to be personal issues and think this should be left to parents and that the school’s role is to get their child through their exams.

• Eating disorders can often be seen as shameful and parents may not be happy working together with the school - you should try to address this attitude.

• Parents may already be aware of the problem and dealing with it privately and feel that they already have adequate support.


It’s none of your business…


“We’re keen to work with you and support you – we really think we can help.”

“If we all work together to support Sandra, she is far more likely to get better.”

“We’re not trying to tell you how to care for your daughter, we simply want to offer our support.”


Golden rules when dealing with Anger

Listen empathetically

Let them vent if they need to

Don’t get defensive


Any more?• Can you think of any

other negative ways in which parents might react?

• Why might they react in this way?

• How should you respond?


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Overcoming parent objections when informed about their child's eating disorder

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