Outline Grade

8/8/2019 Outline Grade

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SECRETS ON A REAL TRAIN

(STEP SHEET)

Rishi, next time, dont forget to spell check! Eek!

1.) TOLD YOU WE MIGHT FREEZE We see MIKE SWANN walk down the subway stairs and head

straight to the ticket counter. A beautiful woman ELSA SMITH walks up behind him as he purchases the

ticket. She whispers something in his ear and he turns around smiling. They wait for the train alone on

the deserted platform. The train arrives and they get on together.

2.) I FEEL EXCITED BOUT THIS, I REALLY HAVE TO DO IT Mike and Elsa interact like new lovers.

Elsa seems open whereasopen whereas Mike appears more reserved. They get off at Dufferin Street

and walk to Elsa's apartment, talking and listening to each other as if they are the sole inhabitants in the

city.

3.) "HE IS MY FATHER" - We see them kiss as she shuts the door behind her. She pours them adrink.

Mike asks her to record a testimonial. Elsa records a testimonial and we learn that she is presenting a

case against an underworld organization cal led the EM-Y and hasand has all the proof ready with her.

She states in the video that she had been under hiding the lastfew days as the undertaking of this case

had put her life in danger. After recording they sit silently lookingeach other in each other sthe eyes,

embracing and making lovemaking love. The lights are out.

4.) "I KILLED HER" - Next morning we see Mike sitting upright on the bed while Elsa lies asleep besides

him. For what seems like eternity, he stares into the oblivion without flinching a muscle. He finally gets

up, goes to the bathroom and washes his face. He stares at the mirror for some time and returns back to

the room to get dressed. He takes a handgun from within his overcoat andloads a few bullets in it.

Taking a step back he pumps three bullets in her.

THE SCREEN FADES TO BLACK/ TITLE CREDITS

5.) "I KILLED A GIRL ONCE" - JEFF and IVAN, two gunmen, sit in a Cadillac outside the Jungle Hill revolver

club discussing free will while smoking cigars. Jeff talks about how he thinks little girls make the easiest

targets because they tend to be sobe so vulnerable. A man comes out of the club hands them a card.

Jeff enquires about Mike Swann who is an instructor at the club. The man gives him some basic

information.

6.) "A GOOD BOOK HAS NO ENDING" - The bell rings on a withered door and we see Mike Swann

answer it. He holds a Japanesebook in his right hand and smiles upon seeing STANLEY who is anassistant librarian. We learn that Mike is a passionate reader and Stanley's father JIM owns a library in

Mike's building. Stanley tells him that the book he was looking for is finallyavailable and Mike goes

Comment [MCC1]: This is what I call processeveryday activities like travel, eating only show

what is crucial to your story, i.e. their absorption

each other.

Comment [MCC2]: More than one, I think.

Comment [MCC3]: Only show us this if again

teaches us something important about the two o

them.

Comment [MCC4]: Noisy? Necessary? Seem

more premeditated If its already loaded.

Comment [MCC5]: Actually, you dont need

worry about this one of the last decisions in th

post-production process.

Comment [MCC6]: Link this with free will i

destiny vs. choice. Little girls are often doomed?

he gives the example of a little girl who was mark

nothing she could have done would save her.

hear this being like the c offee shop conversatio

in Pulp Fiction. Read that if you havent; make s

your storys on fresh turf, though.

Comment [MCC7]: I think you mean

weathered. And by the way, when I make thes

suggestions, Im still blown away by your proficie

in English. Youre writing bett er than a couple of

your classmates, frankly. I name no names!

Comment [MCC8]: See library comment hclerk?

Comment [MCC9]: Id make it a bookstore.

Libraries generally belong to the public, i.e. the ci

or town theyre in.



down to the library with him to have a look. He takes a book and returns to the apartment to get ready.

We get a look at his abode which is minimalist and strictin its feel with only a bed, study and two

cabinets. Mike dresses elegantly and closes the door behind him.

7.) "YOU KILL SOMEONE WITH YOUR MIND" - Mike works at the Jungle Hill club. He seems methodical

and has a stoic demeanor about him. He diligently instructs a few students and we see that he is an

excellent marksman. Mike talks with his colleague TROY who tells him about the men who had come to

enquire about him. We learn that Mikes been working there for a month and he does not divulge a lot

about himself .

8.) " YOU LIVE BY YOUR PRINCIPLES AND YOUR PRINCIPLES ARE GOVERNED BY YOUR PROMISES" - Mike

walks up the stairs to his apartment and finds the lock broken. He enters the apartment cautiously only

to find jeffJeff sitting with stanleyStanley having a good talk. He smiles upon seeingmikeMike though

mikeMike doesnt seem too excited. After asking stanleyStanley to leave, mikeMike asks jeffJeff why ishe here. We learn that mikeMike is an ex- assasinassassinand a former employee of the EM-Y

organization. Jeff hands over an assignment tomikeMike. Mike reminds jeffJeff that he no longer works

for them but jeffJeff shoots back that MASON would prefer he did it. Mike is reluctant because Mason is

the head of EM-Y and has a close relationship with Mike. Furthermore Mike owes him one favor.

The target is a lawyer named ELSA SMITH who has enough evidence to show in court against Mason. Jeff

looks at Mike and smiles coyly. He tells mikeMike that the reason they want him to go after Elsa is

because she is as f oxy as he is and he had conveniently taken out a similar candidate a years back. His

name was Giorgio Smith and she is his daughter. Mike is not too happy but as he states, if it takes this

assignment to finally be relieved of hisstatus, he will do it.

9.) " CAN'T DO IT "IT - We see Mike pick a gun from his vast collection in hisbasement. He takes the

subway surrounded by folks from all walks of life. He gets down at Queen'sPpark station and walks to

the court. We see him observing the people coming in and out of the courthouse from a distance. He

doesnt have to wait much longer though as he noticesElsa talking to a few people just a few feet away.

He clutches the gun in his overcoat while staring at her intently. He can't do it and walks back home.

10.) "A PROMISE MADE" - The door knob turns and Mike enters his apartment. He sits on his bed, walks

to his toilet and washes his face and then a ngrily punches the wall. He goes back to the bedroom to

make a quick call but before he can dial, there is a sharp noise to his right. He looks at the direction and

sees a small hole on the wall. He realizes what it is but before he can take a step the wall is plastered

with bullets. Mike drops tolies on the floor. This goes on for two minutes and then silence. He gets a call

and he raises himself to take it. He tells the voice he cannot go forward with the task. The voice asks him

to think about it. He says his answer is no and putskeeps the phone down.

11.) "I HAVE TO KILL YOU BUT FIRST YOU HAVE TO COME WITH ME" - We see Mike gatherMike gather

some belongings and make a dash for the door. He does so undercover so as to not come within rangeof any gunmen outside. He runs to the back of his building and through a back door door, and cautiously

makes his way to theto the subway. He hops on a train andgets minglesd among the crowd. Getting off

at Victoria Park Station he takes a taxi to Elsa Smith's place. I t is hardly a ride which makes him wonder

Comment [MCC10]: Desk?

Comment [MCC11]: Good line.

Comment [MCC12]: Why arent you capitali

names? Dont forget this in future.

Comment [MCC13]: When you write out thi

conversation be careful Jeff and Mike obviousl

know each other well so wont directly say this

information, but imply it as subtext.

Comment [MCC14]: Foxy usually implies sex

wily, maybe?

Comment [MCC15]: Obligation, I think. We

should suspect he owes Mason for something.

Comment [MCC16]: Many apartments have

storage in the basement, but would Mike risk be

separated from the collection? Or maybe figure

what kind of clever storage he has to hide the guin his apartment?

Comment [MCC17]: Since her father was

gunned down by Mike and she knows shes

about to out his organization, wouldnt she hav

some protection? Organize this into your story;

shes wily, remember?

Comment [MCC18]: Lets see why, from his

reaction to her.

Comment [MCC19]: Is this a warning? Why

does this not get attention from the police, his

neighbours? If the organization is so dangerous,

why do they need him to take out Elsa? Work th

out, please, or change the way they warn him.



men. Someone must have given them away but who and whyMike wonders. They are chased on the

highway but somehow mikeMike manages to evade them. Mike turns on the radio but no clue or

detailthere is no report of a midtown firing. Mike decides to go to his apartment and sort things out.

16.) "YOU KILLED MY FATHER" - Mike and Elsa head to his building. They cautiously enter the building

through the back and head to Jim's apartment. Jim is shocked to see Mike and Elsa and quietly gets

them inside his house. Stanley is happy to seemikeMike and hugs him. Everyone sits down and Jim asks

Mike if he has any idea what is going on. He turns on the television and there is a warrant issued against

Mike for the kidnapping of Elsa with a reward to anyone who gives them away. Also stated is the fact

that Mike as a lone gunman had previously gunned down the honest lawyerGeorgia Smith.

17.) "YES, I KILLED HIM" - Mike asks Jim if he's seen anyone near his apartment lately. Jim says no. Mike

asks Elsa to stay at the apartment and he goes to his own. The apartment is in the same state he had left

it bullet-riddled-wounded and un kempt. He approaches cautiously and after making sure no-one'sanywhere close by, decides to head straight to his basement. He is packing his best guns when suddenly

the lights are turned on. He turns around about to shoot only to see Elsa standing at the door. He asks

her to return to Jims but she won't listen. She looks at hisapartment and wants to know who he really

is. He tells her he was an assassin who has left that world behind. She wants to know his history at the

organization and he tells her he was hired as anassassin because of his skills as an excellent marksman.

He trained with the RCMP(Royal canadianCanadian Mounted police) but was askedto work privately by

a man called Mason Bridges. We learn that Mason was an ex RCMP and a real estate moghul who also

had a wide array of illegal activities. The EM-Y is a small department of his empire which primarily

consists of hit men who specialize in taking care of those who f ail the faith of Mason or somehow get a

sniff of his illegal side. Elsa finally asks if he killed his father. He looks at her and says yes.

18.) " WHAT FAVOUR?" Elsa points the gun at mikeMike. In tears but stern, she wants to know why

Mike didnt kill her like he killed her father. Mike tells her that he wants to bring the whole organization

down.

Then why was he assigned to kill her when anyone of the henchmen could have sheasks. He says

because he owes Mason a favor and he would be assigned a full reprlieve from his past lifestyle. "What

kind of favor" she demands to know.

19.) "I HAVE TO FINISH THIS" - Mike relates his story on how he came to work for the organization, on

how he always thought he was exterminating thescums, fiendish bits of society, when in actuality he

was just a player for Mason. Mason is his f ather and Mike wanted to leave his side as soon as he

understood the reality of the situation, but Mike became a dreary, isolated man as a result of his

lifestyle. He tells her he doesnt have a purpose in life anymore and he is just floating.Mason doesnt

care for anyone but himself and the favor itself was that he would let mikeMike live his life according to

his own choices. Mike would have surely been killed had he tried to rebel or simply vanish but now he

had an agreement.

Elsa pulls the gun away and comes closer to him. She kisses him and he turns back, and thenkisses back.

He tells her that if she lives to go to the court they will kill them both. Mike ponders sitting at the

Comment [MCC30]: If they found them at t

hotel, why wouldnt they have his apartment sta

out, too? Have him go to Jims store, I think.

Comment [MCC31]: But hes in the basemen

So put the guns up there, please.

Comment [MCC32]: Its not uncommon for

people to drop out of RCMP training (its called

Depot and takes place in Regina, my hometow

There are a lot of reasons why they leave, good a

bad.

Comment [MCC33]: Not sure what you mea

here.

Comment [MCC34]: Did this come as a surp

to Mike? I think thats good.



window and asks her about the hearing day. She tells himits a day from now. He asks her if she has a

video camera.

20.)" GIVE ME A DAY - We see Mike leave the building as Elsa reminds him from the balcony to wear

something warm as it may be freezing the next night. Mike smiles and heads to the subway. We see him

get into a high rise skyscraper and go to the top floor. He rings the bell andthe door is opened by a

burlesque man. The room is plush and we see a few men holding guns. He heads straight to the bar and

pours himself a drink. We see Jeff join him and they have a chatwith ivanIvan sitting and listening. We

see Mason come up and hug mikeMike. Mason enquires about mikeMike and seems genuinely happy

and concerned to see his son. Mike demands to know the reason behind Mason'ssending men behind

them and shooting at them. Mason confirms that it was all cautionary and he only intended to capture

them. He tells mikeMike how he plans to leave all this behind as jeffJeff laughs on. Mike tells them that

the girl is at the apartment and he will go downtomorrow and kill her. Mason stares intently in his eyes

and hugs him.

21.)" TOLD YOU WE MIGHT FREEZE " - Mike leaves the apartment when Jeff asks about the time they

should visit him tomorrow. He tells them to turn up at 10 am. We see Mike head to his apartment where

he takes a few boxes with him. We see him walk down the subway stairs and head straight to the ticket

counter. Elsa walks up behind him as he purchases the ticket. She whispers something in his ear and he

turns around smiling. They wait for the train alone on the deserted platform. The train arrives and they

get on together. They go to her apartment.

22.)" TRAITOR....ITS A HABIT" - Mike has pumped a few pellets into Elsa and he confirms by making sure

she is motionless. He gets up, takes Elsa's files and the tape she had recorded and puts them safelyinside the cupboard in the room. He gets dressed and walks up to the door. He looks out the window

and sees two Ccadillacs parked below. Jeff, ivanIvan and two other men stand below. They look up and

mikeMike stands there looking back. Jeff and another man walk up. They enter the room and see the

dead body. Jeff is impressed and applaudsmikeMike. He tells him what an asset he has been to his

father and to the company.

They turn to leave but jeffJeff stops as soon as he opens the door. Heturns around and stares at

mikeMike intently. He takes his gun out and aims at the body telling mikeMike its just a confirmation

shot to be sure. Mike takes his gun out and quickly pumps bullets into him. The other henchman shoots

back and Mike is hit in his arm. He takes the man out and quickly rushes to the door closing it behind

him. The two guys run up and start firing at the door. Mike meanwhile reloads his gun and stands

between Elsa and the door. The door swings open and a gun fight ensues. Mike ends up killing the men

but has taken a few hits himself. He crawls to the phone and calls the police telling them that a girl hasbeen sedated and liesying asleep at the moment. She needs to get to the court under police protection.

He also tells them about the evidence. We see him crawl up to Elsa's face and kiss her softly and close

his eyes, drifting away.

Comment [MCC35]: I think you mean burly.



23.) We see a montage of mMason and a few of his men being round up by the police and a series of

fires being shot from both ends. We see Elsa alone in a train staring out of thewindow. We see her at an

unmarked grave. She places a wreath a nd Mikes gun on it and walks away.

This is working pretty well, but youll need to flesh out the characters and their relationship a lot more in

the movie. Also, I strongly suggest theres a lot of tension between them despite the attraction once

she trusts him, they should be fighting over whether they should both escape (his idea) vs. going to

court and taking down Mason and his gang. Shes determined to go through with the court case shes

driven to avenge her father, even if it costs her her life. She tries to push Mike away, but he sticks with

her to protect her. As the noose tightens around them and Mike realizes hes running out of time and

options, he tries the drug-and-blanks plan. Have him enlist Jim and Stanley as unwitting backup if they

hear gunshots they should call the police, make sure Elsa is protected.

This feels very noir, which is fine. Make sure there are moments of relief amidst the mounting tension,and that Mike and Elsa both surprise us, frequently. Theyre an amazing match and opposites.

Mark: B+

Comment [MCC36]: Hm, not sure if I buy th

gun

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