Our Marriage

8/14/2019 Our Marriage

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Our Marriage

by

Michael Quyen Hoang



MARKJoan? Where are you?

JOANI'm over here! What in god's name is this place? Where the fuck are we?

MARKLooks like an office to me...

JOAN

Well...yeah I can see that professor obvious. What I mean is, how did we go fromdriving one minute in our car, to this place?

MARK(Jokingly)

Well, maybe we died and this is sort of like the waiting room of heaven.

A formerly dressed man/woman enters the room.

SECRETARYThat is correct. Welcome to the Purgatory. You may stay as long as you wish,but I don't advise that. At the front of the room you may notice two doors, onewith an arrow pointing up and one with it's arrow pointing down. I assume youalready know what those are for?

JOANSo we're dead and those doors are for heaven and hell?

SECCorrect Ma'am.

MARK

Wait a minute...is this some kind of joke?

SECI assure you sir, that this is not a joke and you are really dead.

JOANThen how did we die?



The secretary to JOAN and MARK's disbelief goesto a filing cabinet and pulls out a file.

SECLets see. Mark and Joan Lodger. Aged thirty-six and thirty-four. A fatal car crash

on the way to Galveston, TX.JOAN

Oh my god, I'm dead. It's really happened.

MARKThat still doesn't explain why Purgatory is an office reception room.

SECOh well it's quite simple. How do you think we filter all the new arrivals? With thisnew office building we can efficiently sort people into heaven and hell.

MARKThen how do we get out?

SECYou see for each individual, or in your case couple. We have a test in mind. Onethat determines who or whether or not they go to the door that points up...or theone pointing down.

JOANAnd what's our test?

SECYour test...Mr. and Mrs. Lodger is as follows. I possess in my hand only one passfor heaven. (she puts the pass on the desk) It is up to you two, what you make ofthis pass.

(A beat of silence)

JOANDon't you dare touch that pass Mark.

MARKI wasn't going to.

JOANListen to me...what if...what if this is a trick?

SECI assure you this is not a trick.

MARK



I've had my doubts, but this seems pretty real to me Joan.

JOANThen neither of us is going to heaven without the other. We're going together ornot at all.

MARKIs that possible? (To Secretary)

SECHold on a second

The secretary pulls out a huge book presumably therule book.

SECIt says here that one of you must take the pass.

JOANI...I cant believe this is happening. You know we wouldn't be in this stupidpredicament if it wasn't for you Mark. You always got to screw things up. Couldn'teven take me on a little trip without us getting into a fatal car crash could you?

MARKWhy is it always my fault? You've always got something to nitpick about meJoan, how the hell did I have anything to do...with this?

JOANI should of listened to Mom.

MARKWhat? Oh come on Joan.

JOANDon't marry him Joan! He's just a big screw-up and hes going to screw up yourlife. Turns out she was right.

MARKOh! So now I'm a screw up? choo! choo! all aboard the Joan's a huge bitch train.

JOANYou couldn't even manage to take me on a little trip because something bad hasalways got to happen with you Mark. First there was the time where you lost ourChristmas presents, and the time we missed the flight to Vegas because you hadto go pee. But here we are now, the biggest screw up you've ever beenresponsible for. We're dead Mark, we're fucking dead. And now one of us isgoing to hell.



MARKYou know what? I was going to give you the pass but after that speech I don'tthink I'm going to. Nope, you don't deserve this.

Mark picks up the pass and threatens to rip it.

SECSir!

JOANYou wouldn't.

MARKAnd why wouldn't I?

JOANBecause you're not stupid Mark, thank god for that. You know that the second

you rip up that piece of paper you have in your hands that neither Me or you isgoing to go to heaven. And we're both going to be burning in hell.

MARKOh I'll do it Joan.

JOANMark, give me a break. You're the same man I've known in high-school. Youcouldn't decide what you wanted to order at a restaurant for fucks sake, but nowyou're telling me that you're going to decide whether or not you live in paradise orburn in hell for eternity? I don't buy it. Put it back on the desk Mark.

MARKWell fuck.

JOANThat's what I thought Mark.

MARKWell what the hell are we going to do now?

JOANI don't know Mark. But we're going together.

SECYou may need to speed this up a bit you don't have all day you know.

MARKWe know.

JOAN



One day you're alive, the next you're dead.

MARKTell me about it.

JOANI didn't even get a chance to say good-bye. All the shit you thought mattered.

MARKDoesn't matter at all.

JOANYou think you have it figured out you know? You thought you figured out whatactually mattered. That's what I thought, and now that I'm here I just don't knowanymore.

MARK

I...I think you should have it Joan.

JOANAre you just saying that because it's the right thing to do? Because I'm your wifeand that's what a husband would do for his wife?

MARKWell...

JOANBecause all of that doesn't matter Mark. Because we're dead. We're not onPlanet Earth anymore, we're on the steps of something bigger than any of thosethings.

MARKThat's not it.

JOANThen why Mark?

MARKI...I don't know. You're just a better person than me Joan.

JOANHow do you know that Mark? Maybe I've been hiding things from you.

MARKAre you?

JOANI don't know Mark. What if I was? Would you still give me the pass?



MARKThat depends on what you were hiding from me.

JOANYou didn't answer me, would you still give me the pass knowing that I've been

hiding things from you. Things that would of wrecked this relationship had youknown when we were still alive.

MARKWell I don't know...

JOANThen why would you offer me the pass?

MARKBecause Joan, you're my wife for god sakes.

JOANYou think I can't handle fire and brimstone...is that it Mark?

MARKNo. No that's not it.

JOANWe're in purgatory Mark, in a few moments neither of us are going to be seeingeachother. Forever. Things that mattered back when we were alive don't matternow. You have to understand that Mark.

MARKIt's...it's because I've cheated on you Joan.

Beat, they stop in their tracks.

JOANWhat?

MARKOn those business trips, I take. You know, you'd never find out...

JOANThank god I never found out about it Mark, because I would of ripped your dickout.

MARKThose waitresses were always so cute....yeah...so That's why I can't take thatpass Joan. I hope you forgive me.



JOANI can't hold a grudge Mark, I'm dead. We're both dead for god sakes.

SECI'm sorry but the boss doesn't like when he over hears his name too much. Can

we wrap this up?

JOANUnfortunately, I cant say I've been honest either Mark.

MARKOh god...you...cheated on me didn't you?

JOAN

With your brother John.

MARKWith my brother, Jesus christ.

SECAhem.

JOANSo I guess we both deserve to burn in hell.

Beat of silence then MARK and JOAN slowly holdhands and face the Secretary.

SECHave we come to a decision?

MARKYes.

JOAN

SECWhat is it?

MARKI love you Joan.



JOANI love you too.

(blackout)

Our Marriage

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