Organization Paragraph #1: Introductory Paragraph

- thesis: Restate the topic and give supporting details/reasons

- thesis should come at the END of intro paragraph

- AG = Attention grabber!

“iPods should be allowed in the classroom because they reduce stress and motivate the student to learn.”

Body Paragraph #1: First Supporting Detail/Reason

- which detail will it discuss?

- what sentence should be the first sentence?

- how? (evidence)

Body Paragraph #2: second supporting Detail/Reason

- which detail will it discuss?

- what sentence should be the first sentence?

- how? (evidence)

Paragraph # 4: Concluding Paragraph

Content Transition into new ideas and statements

Faulty logic

“it is our right to wear what we want to wear to school.”

Make the connection between your concrete details and supporting details/reasons

Concrete details MUST BE RELEVANT

Avoid “Bandwagon” statements – “

”students sneak their iPods so schools should just let students use them in the classroom”

Weak thesis statements

- explicitly stating what you will discuss

“In my essay I will prove…”

“I strongly believe...”

“In my opinion…”

Punctuation/Grammar Don’t begin a sentence with a FANBOYS or coordinating

conjunction

- For -And -Nor -But -Or -Yet -So

Don’t end a sentence with a preposition

- at -of - off -to -from

Don’t use a “fragmented” portion of a complete sentence

“Students love to listen to music. Which is why they should be able to listen to their iPods in class.”

ONE SENTENCE ONE PARAGRAPH

Diction Use FORMAL LANGUAGE IN A FORMAL ESSAY

Avoid “-thing” words – be more specific

-”iPods help students with a lot of things”

Adopt a FORMAL TONE

Avoid slang

- “Stuff” -”Anyways” (not a real word) -”dumb”

Avoid loud punctuation “!”

Avoid contractions

- can’t cannot Shouldn’t - should not

Point of View and Addressing the Reader

Do NOT:

Incorporate second person --- “you & your”

- Avoid first person – “We, us, our”

- Assume you know what the reader is thinking because you don’t

- exhaust rhetorical questions

What is wrong with this sentence?

“ In my opinion the dress code at our school is stupid. Would you want to walk around in 100 degrees whether in jeans? Of course not! I’m sure your thinking that its dumb to. Anyways, I think we should wear what we want because we are almost adults and its our right to wear what we want to wear.”

There are approximately 20 errors…

Additional Markings Explained

Conj. an error involving a conjunction

Prep. an error involving a preposition

Sub-Verb Agreement/ Sub-Verb the subject and verb do not agree

Cont. contraction use (avoid)

Spelling error

Relevance? how is this idea relevant to your topic

Please Add these to your Sophomore Packet Proof reading page