One Ugly PieEpisode 13.4What is Real?

My mind wanders, but to each end it always reaches a dead end. It’s as if I’m trying to think of what to do, to realize the situation I am in and somehow remedy it. However, every time I try to come up with a solution, it escapes my grasp. I’ve been taking pills recently, but I don’t know if they’re helping anymore. I think they’re making things worse. We… I have since moved. Or have I? Could the house simply have been remodeled to appear like I have moved to a new place? Whatever the case may be, my new living arrangements are much smaller than when I lived with Carmen.

I left everything behind. Everything except this urn the contains all that remains of Carmen, the photograph of Jill and I when we were teenagers… and that servo. It’s still with me. It’s growing a garden and tending it. The servo grows the vegetables to sell. Guess that pays the bills for now. Except now, I’m supposed to be a criminal mastermind. I know I’ve done it before, but now it seems as if I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be doing. I don’t feel evil or feel the desire to do anything of the sort and yet, I’ve somehow found the nerve to do it once before. It feels as if that may have been a lifetime not my own.

And then there’s Jill herself. I don’t know what to think anymore. The fact that she’s here and that I believe I feel her. And hear her. Am I going nuts? Is she nothing more than just some powerful figment of my imagination? Jill is supposed to be dead! I was there at her funeral. They buried her and yet…

And yet here she is back in my life. She killed Carmen. I killed those people. No, the servo killed them. I only asked for them to die. But still. Why can’t I remember why I wanted this. Why can’t I remember?

“Hello, Gargamel. How are you? Judging by the look on your face, not so well. Why don’t I just lend an ear to your troubles.”

Jill. Are you real?

“Is that what is truly bothering you? I thought you were just troubled by the move. Tell me, Gargamel, why would I not be real?”

Jill. You’re dead. You’ve been dead for a long time now. You were killed in a car accident. I know this. It happened!“And yet here I am. How do you explain that?”I’ve made up my mind. You’re just a deep part of my mind that just won’t let go.

“That’s not a very polite thing to say, Gargamel. After all I’ve done for you.”You’ve done nothing.“I got rid of that woman that was ruining your life. Tell me Gargamel, are you going to deny the fact that I killed that bitch so you could be free?”

“Tell me Gargamel, how did Carmen die? Hmmm?”I don’t know… The servo must have done it.“The servo you deactivated because you didn’t need it anymore?”Then… could I?“Think to yourself Gargamel. You couldn’t muster the courage to face those college kids. That’s why you made the servo.”

“Do you honestly think you would have killed your own wife, even cornered as you were? I recall you running away to the study. Right?”This isn’t possible. You’re not real.

”Gargamel, don’t you think you’re looking at this the wrong way? After all, can a figment of your imagination feel this real? Feel my lips against your hand. Can you feel it Gargamel? The warmth of life. And perhaps a kiss?”

“Tell me Gargamel, what more do I have to show you? How much more do you have to feel my body against yours, my love wash over you before you can finally accept that I am truly here alive and before you?”

“Did you feel that? Can something in your mind be that powerful? I’m here. I’m here with you. And I’ll never leave you, Gargamel. I’ll never leave you.”

I… I don’t know. It feels so good. I’ve got shivers running down my spine and I know my body just…. Maybe this is real. Maybe this is…“Ssshhhh, Gargamel… one more thing. One more thing to prove to you my love.”

With deep breathes, Jill speaks, “There… are you… happy? Was that good enough for you? Because it was amazing for me.”

Jill. After that performance, my answer is clear.

Fin