One Armed, Blind Deaf Mute

8/6/2019 One Armed, Blind Deaf Mute

1/8

The One-Armed, Blind Deaf-Mute

This parade, attributed to Thomas Gueulette, rst appeared in print in 1756 in Thtre des Boulevards, ou Re-

cueil de Parades. In it we see plot elements that reappear in the parades of Bobche and Galimafr (chapter 6)

and in the 1880 clown entre, The Candied Walnuts. Gilles, a variation on Pierrot, plays the stupid comic butt,

while the thief is the clever rogue. The name of Gilless sister (Catin) also means prostitute; the name of his

masters attorney (Vuidegousset) can mean empty pockets.

THE MASTER

GILLES

THE THIEF

THE MASTER:(Enters.)Hey,Gilles!Gilles!Youhavetoyellyourheadoffwheneveryouwantthatrascal.

Gilles!Gilles!

GILLES:(Enteringveryquicklyandthenyellinginhismastersear.)Righthere,monsieur!

THEMASTER:Aplagueuponyou,rogue,fortryingtoscaremetodeath!

GILLES:Well,monsieur,youwereshoutinglikeacanethathadlostitsblindman.

THEMASTER:AndwhydidntyoucomewhenIcalledyou?

GILLES:Monsieur,weallhaveourownaffairstotendto.Iwasinconferencewiththepostman;hejust

broughtmealetter,andIwasaskinghimtoreadittomewhenyoucalled.

THEMASTER:Didhereadittoyou?

GILLES:Youdidntgivemeenoughtime.

THEMASTER:Whereistheletterfrom?

GILLES:ItoldyouIdontknowanything.Ihardlyhadtimetobreaktheseal.

THEMASTER:Letsseeit.

GILLES:Hereitis,monsieur.

THEMASTER:(Reads.)Fromthecountry?Whereinthecountry?

GILLES:FromLimoges,Ithink.

THEMASTER:Thenitshouldsayso.

GILLES:Oh,theydontknowanybetterinLimoges.Keepreading,please.

THEMASTER:(Reads.)MycousinGilles,Ibringyouthenewsthatmyaunt,yourmother,isdead.

GILLES:(Weeping.)Mymotherdead!Ah!Monsieur,Iamanorphan.Whowilltakecareofmenow?


2/8

THEMASTER:Comeon,youreabigboynow.Immovedbyyourfeelingsforyourmother,butweareall

mortal.Letusgoonwiththeletter.(Reads.)Shehasleftyouonehundredandftyfrancs.

GILLES:Mymotherleftmeonehundredandftyfrancs!Nowtheresawonderfulwomanforyou.Monsieur,

canthisreallybetrue?

THE MASTER:Quitetrue;butitseemstomeyourequicklyconsoledaboutthelossofyourmother.

GILLES:Well,shewasquiteold!

THEMASTER:Verywell.(Reads.)ImustinformyouthatyourlittlesisterCatinhasbecomeawomanof

pleasure.

GILLES:MysisterCatinawomanofpleasure!(Heweeps.)Monsieur,Ishalltearthathussylimbfromlimb;I

lovehonorahundredtimesmorethanreputation.

THEMASTER:There,there,cheerup.

GILLES:No,Monsieur,Ishalldonosuchthing.

THE MASTER:Listen.(Reads.)Inthefourmonthsthatshehasbeenleadingthislooselife,shehassaved

upsixhundredfrancs.

GILLES:(Startingtolaugh.)Sixhundredfrancs!Thatswonderful.MysisterCatinwaseconomical,andshe

wasapparentlywellpaid.

THE MASTER:Itwouldseemso.(Reads.)Imusttellyou,cousin,thattwoweeksagoshegotintoaquarrel

withawildcustomer.Herfacewasslashedandshewashorriblydisgured.

GILLES:Ah!PoorlittleCatin,Ifeelsosorryforyou.Shewillnolongerbeabletomakealivingsoeasily.Alas!suchisoftenthefateofherkind.

THEMASTER:Waitaminute,myfriend.(Reads.)Becausetheinjurywasserious,shemadeoutherwill,and

youarethechiefbeneciary.

GILLES:Whatawarm-heartedgirl,

THEMASTER:(Reads.)Andthenshepassedaway.

GILLES:Ah!Monsieur,myheartisbreaking.

THEMASTER:(Reads.)Inherwillsheleavesyouabeautifullyfurnishedhouse.

GILLES:(Laughingloudly.)Abeautifullyfurnishedhouse!Thatisverygoodofher.MyGod,suchanadmi-

rabletart,andaveryhonestwoman,too.

THEMASTER:Anhonestwoman!

GILLES:Ofcourse,Monsieurfrommypointofview.AtleastImgettingrichfromit.Onehundredand

fty,francsfrommymother,afurnishedhousefrommysister.


3/8

THEMASTER:Sothepoororphanisnolongertobepitied?

GILLES:Onthecontrary,heisquitehappy.Letsheartherest;perhapstherewillbeyetmoregoodnewsfor

me.

THEMASTER:Weshallsee.(Reads.)Butmydearcousin,therehasbeenaterriblecalamity.Areswept

throughthehouse,burningittothegroundalongwithallthefurniture.Theruinswereransackedandevery-

thingthatwasntburned,includingyouronehundredandftyfrancs,wasstolen.

GILLES:Are!Thieves!Monsieur,Iamruined.Quick,writehomeandtelleverybodyinthetowntothrowas

manybucketsofwateraspossibleonthere.

THEMASTER:Ah,mypoorGilles,youvelostyourhead.Bythetimethelettercouldarrive,therewould

haveengulfedtheentiretown.

GILLES:Ah!Monsieur,thenitistoolatenow.Idonotwishtooutlivesuchmisfortune.Mymotherisdead,my

poorsisterCatinisdead:Itoomustdie.

THEMASTER:Now,now,Gilles,youmustbebrave.Letsgohomeandhaveadrink,thenIllhaveyoutake

thirtygoldcoinstomyattorney.

GILLES:Ah!Monsieur,mystrengthhasfailedme.(Hismasterleadshimaway.)

THETHIEF:(Enters.)Hismastersplansuitsmejustne,becauseifheissostupidastogivehisvaletGilles

thethirtygoldcoinsthathejustmentioned,itwontbelongbeforeIlaymyhandsonthem,whichisexactly

whyIbroughtthissoldiersuniformwithme.Thereinliesmyplan.(Heexits.)

THEMASTER:(Enters.)IfeelsosorryforpoorunhappyGilles;hecrieslikeababy,butitislessforhis

motherandsisterthanfortheinheritancehehadcountedon.Afewglassesofwinewilleasehissorrow.Herehecomesnow.(Gillesenters.)Comeonnow,myfriend,cheerupalittle;youaretormentingyourselfovernoth-

ing.

GILLES:Oh!Monsieur,thematterisnished,andIhavemademydecision.

THEMASTER:Yourdecision?Whatareyoutalkingabout?

GILLES:Imean,monsieur,thatsinceIloveyou,Iwishtodieinyourarms.

THEMASTER:Dieinmyarms!

GILLES:Yes,monsieur,Ihavelessthantwohourtolive.

THEMASTER:Myfriend,youareoutofyourmind.

GILLES:No,monsieur,Ihavejustpoisonedmyself.

THEMASTER:Mercifulheavens!

GILLES:Yes,monsieur;yousurelyrememberthatlastyearyoureceivedsixwhiteearthenwarejarsfrom


4/8

RouenthatIthoughtcontainedjam.

THEMASTER:Yes,Irememberiteversowell.

GILLES:Andyoutoldmethatitwaspoison,andthatIshouldbecarefulnottotouchit;andthatifIateso

muchasaspoonful,myfatewouldbesealed,Iwouldbeadeadman.

THEMASTER:Yes,Irememberallthat.

GILLES:Well,monsieur,soastoquicklybereunitedwithmymotherandmylittlesisterCatin,Ihavejust

swallowedtwojarsworthofjam.

THEMASTER:Ah,youwretch,itwasapplejelly!

GILLES:Iknow,monsieur,andthepoisonwasnotatalldisagreeablegoingdown;butIcanalreadyfeelittak-

ingeffect.Ah!monsieur,Iamdying.

THEMASTER:Oh,heavens!Coulditbe?

GILLES:Donotpityme,monsieur.ButIdobegofyoutohearmynalmortalwords.

THEMASTER:Yournalmortalwords!

GILLES:Yes,monsieur,givemyregardstoJacqueline.

THEMASTER:Youaresuchafool.

GILLES:Ah!Monsieur,itisinhumantotreatmethus.Iburn...

THEMASTER:Icancertainlybelievethat,sinceyouatetwojarsofjam.

GILLES:Poisoned,therestherub.Holdmeup,monsieur,mydearmaster.Adieu;youarelosingavaletwho

lovesyouwell.

THEMASTER:Imustconfessthatthischaracterhasonceagaingottenthebetterofme.Iknewofhisgluttony,

sotokeephimfromeatingmyjam,Imadehimbelieveitwaspoison,whenitwasactuallythenestapplejelly

inRouen.Andnowthisidiothaseatentwojarsofitthinkinghesgoingtokillhimself!

GILLES:What,monsieur,itwasntpoison?

THEMASTERNo,youclod,andsinceyouhavenootherreasontofeardeath,Youcanrestassured;andagain

Ihavegottenoffcheaply.

GILLES:Mygoodness,Icamesoclosetodeath;butsinceyouassuremethatImnotgoingtodielonglive

Gilles!Idontregreteatingit,forIdidndthepoisonverytasty.

THEMASTER:ThatIcanbelieve!Nowthatyouarereassured,doyoufeeluptotakingthethirtygoldcoinsin

thispursetomyattorney,MonsieurVuidegousset?

GILLES:Monsieur,youcantrustme.


5/8

THEMASTER:IknowIcantrustyou,butallyourblunderingmakesmefearthatmythirtygoldcoinswillbe

lched.

GILLES:Monsieur,youhavenothingtofear.

THEMASTER:Okay,heretheyareinthispurse.WhileYouaregone,Imgoingtotakeastrollaroundtown.

GILLES:Well,myGod,ifthereeverwasatimewhenIthoughtIwasgoingtodie,thatwasit.Butitsmymastersfault;Whydidhehavetopretenditwaspoison?(TheThiefenters.)ButIwonderwhatailsthisknave?

THETHIEF:Havepity,yourlordship,onanunfortunategentlemaninextremepoverty,whocantevenbegfor

aliving.

GILLES:Andwhy,myfriend,cantyoubegforaliving?

THETHIEF:Yousee,monsieur,Ihavebeenamuteforthepastthreeyears.

GILLES:Youhavebeenmuteforthreeyears?

THETHIEF:Yes,yourlordship.

GILLES:Andhowdidthishappen?

THETHIEF:Yousee,toearnsomeextramoneyatmyjobIwascarryingapileofbricksupaladder.Therung

Iwasstandingonbroke,andsoIhitmychinontherungaboveit,slicingmytonguerightoff.

GILLES:Youhadyourtonguecutoff?

THETHIEF:Yes,monsieur,thisisallthatsleft.

GILLES:MyGod,thenitmusthavebeenquitelongtostartwith.

THETHIEF:Yes,monsieur,IwasalwaystoldthatIhadaverylongtongue.

GILLES:Andhowmuchisstillleft?

THETHIEF:Aboutthatmuch.

GILLES:Tellmeaboutit.

THETHIEF:Hereismytale,monsieur.Afatwomaninourvillagehadaboilonherbuttocks.Theonlyremedy

wastoblowaveryhotcorrosivepowderintothewound,usingahollowstraw.Noonewantedtodothis,for

fearofbreathinginandswallowingthepowder.Ivolunteeredoutofcharity,askingforameresixfrancs.Iblew

thepowder;butasIwasdoingso,thewomanstartedtolaugh,andbrokewindwithsuchforcethatitblewsome

ofthepowderintomyeyes,andIwasimmediatelyblinded.

GILLES:Thatcertainlyisapeculiartale;andsincethenyoucannolongersee?

THETHIEF:No,monsieur.


6/8

GILLES:Imgoingtoseeifheisdeceivingme.LuckilyIhappentohavea24-pennycoinandafewhalf-

pennies.Here,myfriend.(Heholdsthe24-pennypieceinonehandandahalf-pennyintheotherhand;THE

THIEFexaminesbothcoinsandthentakesthemorevaluableone.)

THETHIEF:Monsieur,Ithankyou.

GILLES:Butyouchosethe24-pennycoin.

THETHIEF:Yes,monsieur,Isawclearlythatitwasworthmorethanahalf-penny.Thatsallmyeyesightis

goodfor.

GILLES:Youseemtometobearogueandaswindler!

THETHIEF:Ah!Monsieur,youarewrongtoinsultme.ItsluckyforyouthatImdeaf,becauseifIhadheard

whatyoujustsaid...

GILLES:What?

THETHIEF:ThatImarogueandaswindler!

GILLES:Youheardthat?Thenyourenotdeaf!

THETHIEF:Excuseme,monsieur,butIcanhearonlywhensomeoneinsultsme.

GILLES:Thisisincredible.

THETHIEF:True,butallthiswouldntmatterifonlyIhadtheuseofmyleftarm,whichisallshriveledup,

andifacannonballhadnotshotoffmyotherarm.

GILLES:Butitseemstomethatyoudookaywithyourleftarm.(Heoffershimsomemoney).THETHIEF

extendshisarmandgrabsthemoney.)Youcertainlyhadnoproblemreachingyourarmoutforthat!

THETHIEF:Yes,monsieur,butonlywhensomeoneisgivingmesomething.

GILLES:Andwheredidyouloseyourotherarm?

THETHIEF:AtPort-Mahon.

GILLES:Wereyouwearingthatuniformatthetime?

THETHIEF:Yes,monsieur,itsmysoldiersoutt.

GILLES:(Aside.)NowIvegothim.(Aloud.)Buthowdidthecannonballblowoffyourarmandyetleavethe

sleeve?

THETHIEF:(Aside.)HowwillIgetoutofthisone?(Aloud.)Monsieur,haveyouneverheardhowlightning

canmeltaswordinitsscabbardwithoutdamagingthescabbard?

GILLES:No.


7/8

THETHIEF:Itisneverthelesstrue.Anyway,itsalmostthesamething:thecannonballpassedrightthroughthe

poresofthecloth.

GILLES:Withoutdamagingit?

THETHIEF:Thatiscorrect,monsieur.

GILLES:MyGod,thisisreallyastonishing!Letmeexaminethatsleeve.

THETHIEF:Seeforyourself,monsieur.(WhileGILLESinspectsthesleeve,THETHIEFrummagesin

GILLESspocket.GILLESgrabsTHETHIEFShand.)

GILLES:Aha!Yourogue,yousaidthatyoulostyourarm,buthereitis.

THETHIEF:What,monsieur?

GILLES:Yourarm.

THETHIEF:Myarm?Thatsnotpossible.

GILLES:AndImholdingit.

THETHIEF:Youreholdingit!Ah,monsieur,Iammuchobligedtoyou.

GILLES:Andforwhat?

THETHIEF:ThatrogueofadoctorwhotreatedmeforthreemonthsassuredmethatIhadlostit!Whata

scoundrel!

GILLES:Youactinnocent,butImnotgoingtofallforit.

THETHIEF:ButIamquitesincere,andIammuchobligedtoyouforndingmyarm.

GILLES:Imnotgoingtofallforit.Youarearogue,Itellyouathief...

THETHIEF:Arogue?Itsyouwhoistherogue!

GILLES:Me?

THETHIEF:Yes,arogue,athief;youmustbetheonewhostolemyarmandmyhand!

GILLES:Well,heressomethingnew!

THETHIEF:Wasntmyhandinyourpocket?

GILLES:Whyyes,itcertainlywas.

THETHIEF:Wasntthehandattachedtothearm?


8/8

One Armed, Blind Deaf Mute

Documents

Transcript of One Armed, Blind Deaf Mute