On December 1

8/13/2019 On December 1

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On December 1, 1935,rs. Williams Starkwell,a wife of a New Jersey handymangives birth to her first and only child. It is a boy, and they name itVirgil. He is an exceptionally cute baby, with a sweet disposition.

Before he is 25 years old,he will be wanted by police in six states,forassault, armed robbery,and illegal possession of a wart.

Growing up in a slum neighborhood...where the crime rate is amongst thehighest in the nation is not easy.

Particularly for Virgil, who is a small and frail compared to the otherchildren. Virgil Starkwell attends this school,where he scores well on an IQtest,although his behavior disturbs the teachers.We interviewed Mrs. DorthyLowry,a school teacher who remembers Virgil.I remember one time,he stole afountain pen.I didn't want to embarrass him.So, you know teachers have a wayof doing things.And so I said to the class.

We will all close our eyes,and will the one who took the pen,please returnit.Well, while our eyes were closed,he returned the pen.

But he took the opportunity of feeling all the girls! Can I say feel?

Spending most of his time on the streets, Virgil takes to crime at an earlyage. He is an immediate failure. Barely manages to escape with gumballmachine stuck on his hand. With both parents working to make ends meet,Virgil becomes closest to his grandfather. A 60-year-old German immigrant whotakes the boy to movies and baseball games.

Then tragedy strikes. At a Washington Senator's game, Virgil's grandfather isstruckin the head by a foul ball. The blow causes permanent injury to hismind. And he becomes convinced he is Kyzer Willhelm.

Here are rare photos of him with other patients on the sanitarium grounds.

When he is 15 years old, amidst the violence and poverty of the slums,Virgilreceives a cello as a gift.He is fascinated by the instrument.

And for the first time in theStarkwell house, music is heard.

We spoke to Mr. Torgman, his first and only cello teacher. Well, there isn'treally much tell, because... uh... because his cello playing is justterrible.

He would a... He had no idea about tone production.

He would just saw it back and forth. Just scratch the instrument, to such apoint that it would drive everyone who listening to it an absolutely insane.

He had no conception of the instrument. He was blowing into it.

He loved his cello. And I think he stole to pay for his lessons. But he wouldnot apply himself one iota. Virgil steals to pay for cello lessons. And


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although he does not achieve greatness on the instrument, he is soon goodenough

to play in a local band.A jungle however is no place for a cellist. AndVirgil soon learns the facts of life. At 18, Virgil is lonely and confused.Unable to concentrate in school, he has long since dropped out. He wants

nothing more than to belong,

If only to a street gang.It is here he think she will prove his manhood.Under constant economic pressure, Virgil turns to the local pool hall

as a means of making a living. Im going to be a pool hustler, he tells hisfriends.Ball please.Thanks. Virgil tries to join the navy,but ispsychologically unfit. That looks to me like two elephants

making love to a man's glee club.Mr. T. S. Foster, Virgil's first probation

officer remembers him vividly. He was a trustworthy kind of person.

I mean, you had to remember certain idiosyncrasies that he had.

Like what? Well, uh... like not always telling the truth. He didn't alwaystell the truth. Sometimes, hushed exaggerate at the truth.Sometimes, he,uh... you know, just plain lies. He does have a criminal record.

Yes, but that doesn't mean the boy was all bad. Unable to fit in with anyaspect of his environment, Virgil strikes out on his own. In an effort toshed some light on this period of his life,

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Courage to go to dance studio

Luckily for me Wimbledon was going on all hotels booked

Come back to apartment I had two choices to knock

Hanging around her office/throw parties

Few days later I receive a msg when lost hope

Confessions

Throw parties

Teasing girl

Send for music

I feel like I know you from somewhere.


3/32

Doubtful. I only just moved here from London.London? Really? That's my all-time favorite city.- It is? - Absolutely.It was love at first sight.

You know...I think perhaps I have met you somewhere before.

///

For two weeks they snuggled...went to romantic restaurants...had wonderful sex...and shared their most intimate secrets.

///There are maybe tens of thousands of women like this in the city.We all know them, and we all agree they're great.They travel. They pay taxes.They'll spend $400 on a pair of Manolo Blahnik strappy sandals.

And they're alone.It's like the riddle of the Sphinx.Why are there so many great unmarried women...

and no great unmarried men?I explore these sorts of issues in my column...and I have terrific sources: My friends.When you're a young guy in your 20s, women are controlling the relationship.

///

I totally believe that love conquers all.Sometimes you just have to give it a little space...and that's exactly what's missing in Manhattan...the space for romance.The problem is expectations.Older women don't want to settle for what's available.By the time you reach your mid-30s you think, "Why should I settle?"You know?


4/32

It's like the older we get, the more we keep self-selecting...down to a smaller and smaller group.What women really want is Alec Baldwin.There's not one woman in New York who hasn't turned down 10 wonderful

guys...because they were too short or too fat or too poor.

//

If models could cause otherwise rational individuals...to crumble in their presence, exactly how powerful was beauty?There are two types of guys that fall for beautiful women.Either they're slime-balls that are just out to get laid...or they fall in love with you instantly. It's pathetic.Why fuck the girl in the skirt...

Once upon a time...in a kingdom far away...a certain man...and a slightly less certain woman...kept bumping into one another.They seemed to meet everywhere.On street corners...at parties.It was almost as if they were dating accidentally.

And then, after another chance meeting...at a wealthy lawyer's new son's Bris...they decided to pick a time to bump into each other on purpose.Saturday, 10:30. The hottest new restaurant in Manhattan.

Are men in their twenties the new designer drug?Yes, Samantha, Miranda and I were all recreational users...but were we getting into something we couldn't handle?Okay, we were attracted to younger men for various reasons.But I couldn't help but wonder: What do they see in us?


5/32

Even in her state of abject blackness, Charlotte was a dating optimist.- It depends. How much do you like him? - A lot."Dating a few months until somebody better comes along" a lot...or "marrying and moving to East Hampton" a lot?

Call me. As I walked away, I had a thought: Maybe all men are a drug.Sometimes they bring you down...and sometimes, like now, they get you so high.Damn.It would've been so cool if I hadn't looked back.

The most powerful woman in New York is not Tina Brown...or Diane Sawyer or even Rosie O'Donnell.It's the hostess at Balzac...which had overnight become the only restaurant that mattered.

And we were there to celebrate the moment.This is humiliating.We've been waiting for 45 minutes.

I think I'm gonna faint.- Doesn't she know who we are? - Who are we?I own my own PR firm. You write a newspaper column.This should not be happening.I'm going back up there. Excuse me.Hello. Excuse me. Hello! We've been waiting 45 minutes.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words...but in this case...I was speechless.


6/32

wo weeks ago, I had my picture taken.Look up. Good, good.It was a promotional photo for my column...scheduled to run on the side of a bus.

I had misgivings...which were somewhat mollified when they told me I could keep the dress.Friday night.In lieu of any actual social life of their own...Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte had all stopped by...to live vicariously through my first official date with Mr. Big.Carrie!

//

The island of Manhattan is a cozy village...populated by more than seven million fascinating individuals...who all behave like they own the sidewalk.But lately it seemed as if the entire city...had been magically reduced to only two people...us.Four-hour conversations flew by in a space of 15 minutes...and a few days apart felt like weeks.I realize that Einstein's Law of Relativity...would have to be amended to include a special set of rules...those to explain the peculiar effects of infatuation.- Hello? - Hi.I'm trying to get a hold of a Miss Carrie Bradshaw.- She used to be a friend of mine. - Good morning.Wait. I think I recognize that voice.

I can't believe it's been so long. I've been meaning to call you.//

Once upon a time in a magical land called Manhattan...a young woman fell in love.Charlotte and Jack locked eyes at a black-tie benefit for Epstein-Barr.


7/32

She chased him through every disease in New York.They've been officially dating since retinitis pigmentosis.Jack was perfect for her.

Architect, philanthropist and the sex was amazing.

Late one night, Jack popped the inevitable question.So...what are your fantasies?God, I'd love to own my own gallery...and maybe a little cottage in Maine.

Actually, I meant more like screwing in an airplane bathroom...kind of fantasies.The closest Charlotte had ever come to getting screwed on a plane...was the time she lost all her luggage on a flight to Palm Beach.Well...I've always wanted to do it in my parents' bed.

//

It's bitter, but it definitely has possibilities.You have a little bit of sauce on the lip...right there.

My Zen teacher also said the only way to true happiness...is to live in the moment and not worry about the future.Of course, he died penniless and single.

//

Let's be honest.Sometimes there is nothing harder in life than being happy for somebody else.Like lottery winners or extremely successful people who are 27.Then there's that hell on Earth...that only your closest friends can inflict on you...the baby shower.You could not drag me to that thing if you put a grappling hook in my mouth.I think it's sad the way she's using a child to validate her existence.Exactly. Why can't she just use sex and a nice cocktail like the rest of us?I'm happy for her.


8/32

//

New York City is all about sex.People getting it. People trying to get it.

And people who can't get it.No wonder the city never sleeps. It's too busy trying to get laid.But if you ever actually do manage to get someone in bed...the real fun begins.That's the kind with nuts in it.We love our nuts.

After sleeping together for many weeks...Mr. Big and I had gotten comfortable enough to really sleep together.It was nice. It was the way...

I'd always dreamed it could be.- Good morning. - Morning.

//

When you live on a tiny island like Manhattan......the odds of bumping into the one who broke your heart are incredibly high.The odds of bumping into him when you look like shit are even higher.

After a break-up, certain streets, locations......even times of day are off-limits.The city becomes a deserted battlefield loaded with emotional land mines.You have to be very careful where you step or you could be blown to pieces.Get your coat, Anne Frank, we're going out.

-I'm really not in the mood. -Coat on. Body out.-Where are we going? -It's a surprise.Only if it's nowhere I can run into him.When do you think you're gonna be getting out of this hostage situation?

//
http://www.sexandthecityscripts.com/


9/32

In life, certain events come along so rarely......that when they do, special attention must be paid.Events like Halley's comet, solar eclipses......getting that second latte for free.

One night at a salsa club in very downtown Manhattan......four single girlfriends found themselves without a relationship......at the exact same time.She's not bad.-Here's to us without men. -Hear, hear.

//

There are only two times when it's appropriate......to wear the little black dress in daylight.One involves leaving a party way too late.The other involves leaving the party way too early.The New York funeral.Javier was a hot Cuban designer......and the toast of the New York fashion elite.He was also a good friend.I had known him since he was Harvey.

Javier loved clothes.Unfortunately, he loved heroin more.

//

There are over seven million people in New York, not including house guests.Visitors are a vital par ofthe city's economy.Most single people in Manhattan do not buy furnitureuntil facing the arrival of an out-of-towner.- Great couch. Where'd it come from? - l have no idea.Everything in Miranda's new aparment was hand-picked and arrangedby Charlotte's friend Madeline Dunn, an upcoming interior designer.- l've been looking for one ofthose. - That's very stylish for a pull-out.l'll have that end table for you tomorrow.Thank you.


10/32

- This is a sofa bed? - lt's what stared this whole thing.l needed a sofa bed for Jeremy.lf he sleeps on it while staying in my fabulous aparment,

//

Once upon a second time around......in a mythical land between Carmine and Mulberry streets......two mere mortals were having a wonderful time.This is the gangster I was telling you about.Gangster? No. No gangster.Come, this way.Grazie.This is Paolo.This is my girlfriend, Carrie.Bread?You've never called me your girlfriend before.

//

They say that the women in New York are the most beautiful women in theworld.

Which explains why men in New York spend all their time looking at them.The city is a veritable playground for men's roving eyes.Unfortunately, they need both of them looking straight ahead to survive.This New York woman was pretty happy. I was seeing Big again.Unfortunately, my New York guy was still seeing other women.If checking out other women is the biggest problem, you're Iucky.-If it's so small, he should be able to stop. -You can't change that about aman.It's part of their genetic code, Iike farting.-You're gonna put me off my pretzel. -You must take Big the way he is.

//

Here are some things I love about New York:That week in spring when it's warm, but not hot...


11/32

...and the trees are just beginning to bloom.Men in suits.Three papers and 12 gossip columns.It's easy for me to say, "I love you, New York. "

It's not so easy to say, "I love you, Mr. Big. "The first time I realized I actually loved Big......was over toast and coffee one morning.What?Thanks, honey.

//

In a town where everyone's dying to couple up......sometimes there's nothing better than being out of a relationship.You have time to do your laundry......freedom to play your favorite bad music really loudly.But the best part of being out of a relationship:Plenty of time to catch up with your friends.I feel sorry for Big. I really do, because if you think about it......I was the best thing that ever happened to him. Actually, I pity him.Because I get to walk away and be me and he has to walk away and stay him.Who wants to be him when you can be me?

I'm smart. I'm funny.//

I ran into my friend Skipper on the street the other day.He was bruised and frantic. He'd just broken up with another girl.I thought everything was going fine.That's when they tiptoe up and clobber you.What did she say she thought was wrong?Skipper, you're a very sweet guy. This isn't about anything you did.It's just that we're in very different places right now.We want different things from Iife.I need to spend more time alone.So, actually, we want the same thing.We both want to spend more time with you.


12/32

Three months before that, it was a dental hygienist named Tiffany.The timing is wrong, that's all.

//

I knew it was the last time we'd ever see each other.Just like that......I was thrown right back into my old pattern:Greasy Chinese, sleeping till noon......and feeling restless.

//

Everyone has a worst nightmare.For some, it's bathing-suit season.For others, it's that your birth certificate can never be legally destroyed.For Miranda, it was family hour at her gym.What the....Kiddy Jazzercise, Aerobics Room 1, five minutes.On Sundays, her neighborhood became occupied territory under siege tochildren.They were everywhere:

Movie theaters, restaurants, bookstores, hair salons....Starbucks was basically a stroller parking lot.Was it too much to hope for one small space to call her own?Don't touch it, please!Is there a problem?

//

Wallis was right. The most important thing in life is your family.There are days you love them, and others you don't.But in the end, they're the people you always come home to.Sometimes it's the family you're born into.

And sometimes it's the one you make for yourself.-What are you doing here? -Come here.


13/32

//

This is a story about a lovely couple, Rob and Elaine......who rented a house one especially hot and sticky summer in the Hamptons.Elaine invited her best single friends, Cindy and Janet......while Rob invited his single friends, Ira and Matthew......to share the good times and exorbitant rent.Until one day, this lovely couple had a terrible fight......when Elaine went for a run and twisted her ankle......and came back early to find Rob canoodling with Janet.

And Cindy got tired of Matthew's idiotic jokes and incessant market chatter.Ira tried to be there for Elaine and confessed his true feelings for her...

...which she tried to laugh off as a joke.By August, it got to the point where everything was so awkward......that nobody wanted to come back.

And that's when Janet called her friend Charlotte.It's a really cute three-bedroom cottage.They're giving us a fantastic deal for the month of August.Because it's haunted with cheating boyfriends and sexual rejection.We can always burn sage.Sharing a house with your girlfriends is fine in your 20s......but in your 30s, isn't it a bit pathetic, Iike being the oldest kid at summercamp?She has a point.My 25-year-old assistant, Nina Grabowski...

//

Life is all about making choices.

Some choices, like who you marry, are big......while others are even bigger.What do you think?The $5 ones that Iast three days, or the $10 ones that Iast five?Either one.Three days.


14/32

$5. Another choice is how to deal with an ex-boyfriend.Some women handle it coolly, calmly, while others....Fuck!

Steve.//

New York city. Home to one million exciting, eligible, single men...and four cold and slightly cranky single women.Well, this is good. We,re actually crossing water to meet men.Reminder, I am not going to staten Island to meet men.I am going to judge them.

A perk of being a minor celebrityis that you get invited to major events.Like NewYork fire department'sannual calendar competition.This is a long way to go to watchsome firemen take their shirts off.I,m on the ferry. I better see more than pecs.I,m freezing!

I don't understandwhy they couldn,t hold the competitionin a bar in Manhattan.They have firemenon the Upper East side too.

And they only put out top-notch fires.Look at how small it looks.Who would have thought an island that tinywould be big enough to hold all our old boyfriends.He loves to cook and can whip up a great baked ziti.He,s from engine 275, ladder 133,way out there in Queens.- Is he hot? - He's a six.on a scale of how many?His name was Bill Kelley. He was a divorced politician,


15/32

//

Ihad been dating politician Bill Kelleyfor three weeks.Since most of our time was spent campaigning, I dressed the part.I found some vintage Halstonand did a spin on Jackie Kennedy.The early years.Who here knowswhat a city comptroller does?You do?We made a good match.

I was adept at fashion, he at politics.This city's populace's passion,love and devotion to their home...Really, they're both about recycling ideasand making them seem fresh and inspiring.It is this love affair, this symbiotic relationship between citizens and city,that I promise to cherish and protect.

//

It's been said that New Yorkersare the most jaded people in the world.The fact is we've done and seen it all.So when Charlotte said that her new showat the gallery would blow us away,we took it with the proverbial grain of salt.Seriously, that's a woman?

It was the latest installation from photographer Baird Johnson,entitled "Drag Kings -"The collision of illusion and reality".Yep, that's a woman.

//


16/32

When Dickens wrote, "It was the best"of times, it was the worst of times",he must have been having an affair

with his married ex-boyfriend.//

New York City -dreary, gray, miserable.Or was that just me?

After a sordid affair with my ex-boyfriend,and a break-up with my current one,it was time for a change of scenery.

And I wasn't alone.You're going to LA without me!You went on your honeymoon without us.I have pictures.While we planned our escape,

//

one reason Why people still riskthe possible horror of a first date is the possible magic of the good-night kiss at the front door.I had a great time.so did I.The world slows down for a secondas some people take that hopeful lean into a possible future together.

All around my mouth.

//

- What about the mid-life crisis? - Who's mid-life? And sometimes, it's not the journey, it's the destination.


17/32

//

You can count on one handthe things a New Yorker will wait for.My list includes: the perfect apartment,the chocolate souffle at Le Bernardin,and the annual Manolo Blahnik sale.

After four dates with the furniture designer,whose kiss made my knees weak,this New Yorker had waited long enough.so, do you wanna sleep over?I have to feed Pete.I have to get up early in the morning.

Apparently, that New Yorker had not.When one door closes, another one opens.

At 2:00am, the door that opened was samantha's.What's going on?

//

Manhattan is a placeyou can get anything anytime.cabs at 2:00 am.chinese food at 3:00.But you can't get your dry-cleaning.charlotte was spending her time with Trey,a doctor from family moneywho had it all.

All, but all of charlotte. Apparently Trey was one New Yorker

not getting everything anytime.//

LA - land of perpetual sun and sunbathing, which also makes itland of the perpetual bikini wax.


18/32

After a week, I made an appointment with the city's waxer to the stars - Alicia.she was known for her artful work, her lightning-quick hands......and her indecipherable accent.

Excuse me? All done. Beautiful. You look.

//

It looked even better on the inside than I remembered it,because inside it was all real.I was starting to feel like myself again.The rest of me would grow back eventually.

//

Here goes, Charles.Two months into her marriage,Charlotte's life seemed to be a bed of roses.That's what it looked like to an onlooker.My boys have been playing each other

since prep school.They're still not tired of it.Let the girls play.She's wearing pastels. It's whites only.We can make an exception this one time.Your father would roll overin his grave if he heard you.

//

What?In life, there are all sorts of wake-up calls.But crowing on East 73rd Streetwas one I was not prepared for.It was my own fault.


19/32

I'd let my frenzy for a rent-controlled apartment near Barneys,override the fact that it was animal-hospital adjacent.That's the thing about New York - you never know what's around the corner.Or, in Samantha's case, just outside your window.

//

In a city where cynicism is as prevalent as pashmina,there is nothing more hopeful than getting ready for the first date.Will O'Connor was a cute urban plannerMiranda had met at Starbucks.He mistook her latte for his double-caffand offered to make it up to herby buying her a drink that Saturday.

//

one unfortunate thingabout ending a relationshipin a city like New Yorkis while you can emotionally move away from each other,

you physically can't.Going to work?Yeah, work.- Sorry about waking you. - What time is it?- 6:30. - Jesus. Why so early?I got a brief due, so...

//

Someone once said that when one door shuts, a window opens.Big and I had shut our door, but our window was blowing a great breeze.- People don't dress up any more. - With waistcoats.

And watch fobs. I'm going to bring back the watch fob. A man with a plan. Smoke, please.Now that Big and I weren't playing the dating game, we could just play.


20/32

It had never been better.Where is it?Impressive.

//

No matter how well you think you know New York,there's always somewhere or someone new to discover.I was on my second date with Ray King, who lived in Queens.It felt like our fourth as we'd been to three jazz clubs in one night.I can't sing but I can chop.- Where does one learn this skill? - Jersey Shore.- That's where you're from? - Listen.This lick right here is why I wanted to play the bass.Man! How about that?Jesus, that's sweet. Listen to that again.How about that?This might be a good time to tell you. I don't like jazz.Why would you say something like that?You can't follow it and there's no melody.It's all over the place.

//

New York City can be a terrifying place.- Just a coffee and a muffin, please. - That'll be $7.50.But nothing is more frightening than running into an exbefore you've had your morning coffee.- I burned my tongue! - I've got to work on that. Sorry.You look great. How you doing?

//

When you're dating someone new, everything can seem foreign.Especially when you're dating someone foreign.My Russian had been taking me around the world.Greece in Astoria, Italy in the Bronx.


21/32

Tonight, it was Korea; on W.32nd St.Wow. You look..Why thank you. So.Where to tonight?

Very, very exotic place.Really?Well just so you know,

//

When a marriage breaks up, there are numerous ways to cope.You can cry, you can move.It's left right, not right left.Or, as Charlotte did, dive in to a new routine. A tap routine.I feel good. I even signed up for sculpture and tap dancing class.- You can't do one without the other. - Everyone tells me to grieve.I don't need time. This divorce is going to be clean and swift.

//

New York welcomes and sheltersthe tired, the poor, the persecuted,

who have been forced to leave their homesat the whim of a ruling class.Therefore, it's ironic that Manhattanites face the same horrible uncertainty,knowing that any day they may have to utter the tragic words...My building is going co-op.Did you get the tomatoes?My building is going co-op.I have to move. This is a nightmare.Why don't you buy the place?Yeah. OK, sure.- That's a great idea. - Why not?I just charged tomatoes. I'm not in a position to buy an apartment.- I am. - You are?I had no idea.


22/32

//

When it gets cold outside,New Yorkers head inside.

And look for ways to generate heat.Hey. Watch those hands, mister.They are cold, and you are warm, so..People are looking.No one is looking.Petrovsky.Hey, hi.You're seated at the star table, I see.

//

Someone once said that two halves make a whole.When two halves move in together, it makes a whole lot of stuff.Where you been and what you been doing?I got coffee and the papers,but the more pressing question is: what have you been doing?- I made myself an area. - I can see that.I needed a space for work papers and stuff. Is that OK?Sure. It's just that you're blocking the bathroom door.Who needs two bathroom doors?

//

One of the best things about New York is that on any nightthere are a million things to do.

One of the worst things about New York is trying to pick one.Those floors next door are in worse shape than yours.Shall I try to get us into "Town."?That restaurant in Chambers Hotel with the period in the name - Town, period.It's supposed to be amazing, exclamation point.You know what sounds amazing to me?


23/32

A hot shower, watching the game,bucket of KFC, mashed potatoes, biscuits.- It's Saturday night. - It's finger-lickin' good.K, period! F, period! C, period!

Get over here and do me!Is that your standard greeting?I thought it was Richard.He said he'd call back four hours ago!

//

In life, sometimes we find ourselvesat a crossroads.In New York, that crossroads tends to be busy and very loud.Sorry! You're waiting.I know, I'm ten minutes late.- Well, I'm three weeks late. - What?- I'm pregnant. - Spare change?- I'm sorry. - I've got it.You are beautiful ladies. You'll make some man very happy.

//

One frazzled Friday, four girlfriends came from four different directions:the East Side, the West Side,Park Avenue and Samantha.It was the ultimate power lunch, also known as the power catch up.I'll start. I can sum up my life in one breath.Work, work, Au Bon Pain, work. And you?Let's see.

//

When venturing outon your first blind date in a decade,it's crucial to have the right attitude.Hope for the best.Ted?


24/32

Sorry.Prepare for the worst......and who knows,you might be pleasantly surprised.

Or not.l got stood up.l deigned to go on a blind dateagainst my better judgment.l was willing to lower myself into the gutter.- l miss dating. - He doesn't show.

Are you sure?Either he didn't show or took one look at me and ran.Which is worse? l can't decide.l'm sure we'll get to the bottom of this.

A stranger hurt my feelings. That's scraping bottom.You shouldn't be going on blind dates. lt's beneath you.That's not true. l know great couples that met on blind dates.- Eric and Marcy... - Stop. Even if he had shown,first dates are like interviews with cocktails. l'm done.l said that yesterday about bread. l ordered pancakes.Why should l risk having a god-awful evening,

when l am guaranteed to have fun with you guys?//

In the life of a New Yorker,there are unpleasant thingsone has to face.Having your purse stolen,random public urination......and seeing a gay friend's boyfriend in a Broadway revue.- l understand the three drink minimum. - You're not enjoying the revue?l'm more concerned about my review in ''The Times''.Your book's reviewed this week. You must be so excited.

//


25/32

For most New Yorkers, Manhattan is the centre of the civilised world.For a privileged few,Manhattan is merely a place to kill time

between weekends at their fashionably rustic country homes.The place looks great.I was willing to forego the privilege.- That's the "before" picture. - Sorry!- That's the "after". - Could I see the "before" again?You have to be there to appreciate it.- I can appreciate it from here. - Luckily, you won't have to.- You're coming up there next week. - I am?I wish I could, but I have a meetingwith my editor in town next week.

//

My career had reached new heights-literally An editor at New York Magazine thought thatI would be the perfect person towriteabout the ultimate challenge for swingers.

The flying trapeze.Wouldn't you rather be at Jeffrey?They're having a sale on stripes.That's not supportive.Step on up. Good. That's good.Come around to my side.I'm gonna take off your climbing limbs and strap on your safety harness.Yes. Please strap on anything that would keep me from plummeting to mydeath.Toes over the edge. Feet should-width apart. Just a little bit more.That's good. head up.Now put your right hand out in front.

//


26/32

There is a time of year in New York when,even before the first leaf falls,you feel the seasons click.

The air is crisp, the summer is gone.For the first night in a long time,you need a blanket on your bed.It brings up other needs as well.- What are you doing? - Is this who I think it is?- Who do you think it is? - Princess Grace of Monaco.She's dead.So you understand my surprise.What's shaking, kid?- It's fall. - I thought it was lndian summer.Then I guess I should take off my moccasins.

Are you still smoking?

//

In the expanding galaxy of New York,there are heavenly bodies

one orbits around everyday. And stars whose gravitational pullone drifts in and out of over the years.Bobby Fine - satellite friend,piano bar legend.I usuaIIy do this number at homeIn a pink kaftan and Peggy Lee wigYou've never done the same after three daiquiris?l must take a break to say hello to a celebrity friend.

//


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There are some New York nights that are monumental, gigantic, historic.Others, are just big.Bet you can't get your steaks like this in your little Napa Village,

now can ya?Where do yo think these cattle comes from? A ranch on Canal Street?Well, what we lack in livestock,we make up for in cabs.Napa has cabs.Fine, you win, and I don't wanna fight about it.Oh, let's. Let's fight, then we can make out.So, what's on your New York agenda?Making some deals, breaking some hearts?Can I tell you a secret?That's not your real hair?

//

In every relationship, there comes a time when you take that next importantstep.- Do I look all right? - Don't worry, they'll love you.

- I just want to make the right impression. - They'll love you because I loveyou.Here we are.For some couples, that step is meeting the parents.For me, it's meeting the Prada.Holy shit.You know, on my planet, the clothing stores have clothes.Ladies.So how often do you shop here?

//

There is one day even the most cynical New York womandreams of all her life.lt'll be fabulous. White flowers, tablecloths, food. W-H-l-T-E.


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She imagines what she'll wear,the photographers, the toasts.Everybody's celebrating the factthat she found...a publisher.

lt's her book release party.This is a sexy event. Don't be afraid to use colour.l'm not afraid of anything. How about pink?Hot pink.Pink!lsn't it perfect?

//

When you live in the city that never sleeps,it comes as a bit of a shocking when somehow,you manage to oversleep.Oh. Oh. Taxi! Taxi!Oh, excuse me.Oh, Oh, oh, I'm sorry.Oh, taxi!Thank you

//

The single New Yorker's weekend is all about buying.The latest Vogue, fresh flowers,and gifts for previously single New Yorkers.Hi. I'm here for the Welker Wedding Registry.

I'll take the Newport Soup Ladle and three Bimini Steak Knives.The Baby Peck list? The Burpie Blanket?Okay. What is left?Fine, fine, I'll take four espresso cups and a pepper grinder.Yeah. Okay. The L'il Me Activity Chair.


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//In New York city where no good event gets going before 9 pm,it's a very bad sign when you get invited to something that starts at 9... am.What are you going to say?

I'm just going to tell them that before 10 am,as far as I'm concerned, everybody's guilty.I figure I'll be out in no time.Well, as long as I'm down here,I'm going to head over to J&R to look at some computer chips.When you get off, call me. We'll meet up do something.Well, aren't you going to write today?What does that mean?

//

In autumn, New Yorkers treat every nice day as if it could be their last.I'd have another? what do you say?You're a bad influence.I waited and waited. You said to meet you at the subway.I was at the subway. I was at the foot of the stairs.You were at the subway? You was in the subway.

Oh you don't know how to give directions! I waited three- It's gonna be us in thirty years. - Pease don't say that.

//

Every morning, New Yorkers leave their crowded apartmentsand head out to the crowded streets on their way to work.Today, I was one of them. Sometimes a girl needs a new start.I had a new do, a new mortgage,and therefore a new job.I had just submitted my first articlefor one of today's most relevantand provocative magazines,at least to me: "Vogue".


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Also known as Mecca, where I belong.This isn't "Vogue".

//

When you are single in New York,there is no end to ways to fill your days.Museums, parks, theatres, concert halls,nightclubs and countless restaurants.But one of the most amazing thingsabout living in New Yorkis that any night, you can go...to Paris.''Joy For Two'' for one.Enjoy the show.Thank you.lt was one of those perfect New York nights.

//

In New York City,

it is a statistical fact that once every 7 minutes,an unsuspecting woman.Shut the fuck up!Dates an actorLet me go.My husband will be home any minute.For Samantha,one of the perks of dating Jerry the Actorwas getting to stage full scale fantasy productions.Please. Please don't hurt me.I'll do anything, anything.

//

It is said that it takes a lifetime


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to figure out who you are.This book cover is so you.People in publishing move a tad faster.lt's a mock-up. Don't be thrown.

We put your head on another body.The cover of ''Sex And The City''.The bestselling ''Sex And The City''.No!l'm sorry. That just came out.That's good. You had a strong reaction.That's what we want.We don't want the reaction to be ''no''.Let me talk you through it.Blurred background. A fast-paced city.You naked with nothing but your ideas.l get it.But no matter how fast-paced the city,l always manage to get my clothes onbefore l leave the apartment.

//

//

The only thing as delicious as those first few bites of a truly great burgerare those first few dates with someone truly great like Berger.It's sort of like that's cool.I'll do a book reading in my hometown.Right about after the fifth question,I realized that my mother is heckling me.


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She was not.No, no. She was.You can ask anybody at the diner's grill bar know about it all right?

On December 1

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