On Course - Personal Responsiblity - Inner Voices - Wise Choices
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Transcript of On Course - Personal Responsiblity - Inner Voices - Wise Choices
• There is more in us than we know. If we can be
made to see it, perhaps, for the rest of our lives,
we will be unwilling to settle for less. • Kurt Hahn
Yes, I know…
• Of course there are situations in our lives that unfold over
which we have little control….
– The weather
– A freak accident
– The death of a loved one.
• But we do have control over how we view those
situations!
• And, in my experience, it’s these views that make all the
difference!
I’m guessing…
• Most of us believe that we are creators of our
reality
• We aren’t just passive observers
• We have a say in how our lives go
• BUT…
How do you ACT?
• Like a victim of your circumstances?
OR
• A creator of your reality?
• Often times there is a disconnect between what we
believe and how we act…
For example:
• “It is raining. What a crummy day.”
• The day is only crummy because that is what we
have decided it is – we judged it to be that way
• There is nothing inherently bad or miserable
about rain
• It is your perspective of rain that makes the
difference!
Personal Responsibility
Successful Students
Adopt the Creator role
believing that their
choices create the
outcomes and
experiences of their
lives.
Struggling Students
Accept the Victim role
believing that external
forces determine the
outcomes and
experiences of their
lives.
Creator versus Victim
Creators
People who change their
beliefs and behaviors to
create the best results
they can.
Victims
People who keep doing
what they’ve been doing
even when it doesn’t
work.
Personal Responsibility
The essence is responding effectively to all
of life’s opportunities and challenges
The key ingredient = CHOICE.
A mother brought her son to Mahatma Ghandi. She begged,
“Please, Mahatma. Tell my son to stop eating sugar.” Mahatma
paused, then said, “Bring your son back in two weeks.” Puzzled, the
woman thanked him and said that she would do as he asked.
Two weeks later, she returned with her son. Ghandi looked the
youngster in the eye and said, “Stop eating sugar.” Grateful, but
bewildered, the woman asked, “Why did you tell me to bring him
back in two weeks? You could have told him the same thing then.”
Ghandi replied, “Two weeks ago, I was eating sugar.”
RESPONSIBILITY MODEL
Stimulus
Choice
Response Response
•Blaming
•Complaining
•Excusing
•Repeats behavior
•Seeking Solutions
•Takes action
•Does something new
Result(s) Result(s)
Victim language Creator language
•There’s nothing I can do.
• I have always been that way.
•I can’t…..
•I have to….
•I should….
•I’ll try…
•I quit.
•There’s always something I can do.
•I can choose to be different.
•I can…
•I choose to…
•I will…
•I’ll keep going.
Seldom achieves goal(s) Often achieves goal(s)
Victim Creator
Inner
Guide
Inner
Critic
Inner
Defender
Mastering Creator Language
The Inner Critic – is the voice inside each of us that criticizes us for all that goes wrong. The inner critic tells us that everything is our own fault. It judges us harshly. It is like pointing the finger at yourself.
The Inner Defendant – is the voice inside that tries to protect us by deflecting criticism outward. The inner defender always blames others for his/her problems. The inner defender points the finger at everyone else.
The Inner Guide – is the voice inside that looks at events objectively and ask “Am I on course or off course?” The inner guide then looks for the best route for getting back on course.
Changing Inner Conversations
Successful students can learn to dispute irrational beliefs
that the inner critic or inner defender suggest by:
• Offering a positive explanation of the problem.
• Proving the accusation wrong by offering contrary evidence.
• Questioning the importance of the problem.
• Offering a practical plan of action to solve the problem.
Personal ResponsibilityPersonal Responsibility
Successful Students
Master Creator
Language
Accept personal
responsibility for their
results
Struggling Students
Use Victim Language
Reject personal
responsibility by blaming,
complaining, and
excusing
The Language of Responsibility
Creators
• Seek solutions
• Accept responsibility
• Take action
• Try something new
• Choose to do things
• Own their own problems
• Commit and follow through
• Take control of their choices and lives
Victims
• Make excuses
• Blame
• Complain
• Repeat ineffective behavior
• “Have to” do things
• Pretend problems belong to others
• “Try”
• Give Up
Victims make excuses
• The professor is boring.
• It’s easy to eat right until
you get depressed.
Creators seek solutions
• I find this professor boring,
so I will tape-record his
lectures and listen to them
a little bit at a time.
• The next time I feel
depressed, I’ll write down
my feelings instead of
eating junk.
Victims blame
• The teacher gave me an
F on the first test.
• The TV is always
bombarding you with
food commercials.
Creators accept
responsibility
• I got an F on the first test
because I didn’t read the
book.
• I’ll tape my favorite
shows so I can fast-
forward through the
commercials.
Victims complain
• What a stupid
requirement.
• I hate my body.
Creators take action
• I’ll find out if there’s a
test I can take to waive it.
• Today I’ll ask my co-
worker how she got so fit
this year.
Victims repeat ineffective
actions
• Going to the lab is no
help. It’s noisy in there
every afternoon.
• I’ve tried the gym 20
different times, but it
never lasts.
Creators try something
new
• I’ll go to the lab in the
morning when there’s no
crowd.
• I think I’ll jog along the
beach this week; maybe
I’ll enjoy myself enough
to stick with it.
Victims “have to” do
things
• I have to take this stupid
reading class before I
can start the nursing
program.
Creators “choose to” do
things
• I choose to take this
reading class because it
will help me understand
the college-level books
that will prepare me for
the job I really want.
Victims pretend their
problems belong to
others (and say “you”
when they mean “I.”
• How are you supposed
to stay awake?
• The next thing you know,
you’ve got an empty
Cheetos bag next to you.
Creators own their
problems
• I find myself falling
asleep when I listen to
his lectures.
• Sometimes I go
unconscious and I eat a
whole bag of junk food. I
will stay aware of what I
eat.
Victims “try”
• I try to study, but my
roommate is no help.
• I’ve tried every diet
known to mankind.
Creators commit & follow
through
• I’ll study two hours
tonight and tell my
roommate not to bother
me until I’m finished.
• I will make an
appointment with a
nutritionist and get some
expert advice.
• Most of all, Victims
give up
• There’s nothing I can do.
• That’s just how I am.
• I can’t . . .
• I quit.
• Most of all, Creators
take control of their
choices and their lives
• There’s always
something I can do.
• I can choose to be
different.
• I can . . .
• I’ll keep going.
Saying “I Can’t”
• If you are in shackles, “I can’t” has relevance; otherwise,
it is usually a roundabout way of saying “I don’t want to,”
“I won’t,” or “I have not learned how to.” If you really
mean “I don’t want to,” it is important to come out and
say so. Saying “I can’t” disowns responsibility.
• Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks
There is no “Try”
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x51EIXjhiEU
Personal Responsibility
Successful Students
Make wise decisions by
consciously designing
the future they want
Struggling Students
Make careless decisions
by letting the future
happen by chance rather
than by choice.
Making Wise Decisions
Wise Choice Process
1. What’s my present situation?
2. How would I like my situation to be?
3. Do I have a choice here?
4. What are my possible choices?
5. What’s the likely outcome of each possible choice?
6. Which choice will I commit to doing?
22 Wise College Decisions
1) Read your college catalogue
2) See your advisor
3) Understand prerequisites
4) Complete your general education requirements
5) Choose a major wisely
6) Take a realistic course load
7) Attend the first day of class and be punctual
8) Sit in class where you can focus on learning
9) Study the syllabus
10) Buy required books and supplies as soon as possible
11) Introduce yourself to one or more classmates and
exchange phone numbers.
22 Wise College Decisions12) Inform your instructor before an absence.
13) If you arrive late, slip in quietly.
14) Ask questions
15) Make an appointment to talk with your instructor during office
hours if you need to have an extended conversation.
16) Get involved in campus life
17) Know the importance of your grade point average
18) Know how to compute your grade point average
19) If you stop attending class, withdraw officially
20) Talk to your instructor before withdrawing
21) Keep a file of important documents
22) Avoid behaviors that disrespect your classmates or professor
Quick Write
• Take a few minutes to jot down your thoughts
about today’s class…
• What did you learn about yourself?
• About others?
• What concepts were most important or stood out
the most to you?
• What do you need to work on in your life?
A few notes
• Since this is our last in person meeting…
– You will need to be checking your Email & D2L
OFTEN!
– There will still be assignments due each week
through the end of July
– You are responsible for checking D2L
– Check your Grades and get caught up if you are
behind!