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LIFESTYLE INSURANCE: LIVING WITH SERVICE SCAMS AND WARRANTY WORRIES

Those creat ive fo lks at Amer j -can Express have a scarey g i f t idea th isChr is tmas. Buy any consumer goods wi th your Amex card and get a f reewar ran ty ex tens ion . Wowl Sounds g rea t , huh? Espec ia l l y i f you ' re one o fthe conned-sumer lemmings prepared to d ive in to the reta i l sea ofc rapp i -ness . A f te r a I I , eve ry g i f t g i ve r knows tha t wha teve r rs under thet ree i s go ing to go kapu tsk i i n no t ime - so m igh t as we l l g i ve the g i f tt ha t keeps on g i v ing - a bogus war ran ty ex tens ion !Tt re sad, s ick and depressJ-ng aspect o f such warranty of fers is that theyp resume p roduc t d i sposab i l i t y . Nowaddys r we no t on l y buy merchand ise bu twe ' re w i l t i ng to pay an up f ron t ex to r t i on cha rge to gua ran tee tha t i t w i l lkeep running.Th is " l i f es t y le i nsu rance 'was bo rn i n t he m id -seven t i es when peop le beganreal iz ing that the qual i ty o f l i fe was no longer improv ing. The impor tantth ing was to make su re th ings d idn ' t ge t any worse . As a resu l t ou r i dea o fd isasters was redef ined. Ear thquakes and cancer were badr-put were theyrea l l y as t rag i c as l os ing you r c red i t ca rds? In a three-pronged

Cont inued on page 4

FROM th6 Ed.itorDECK THE HALLS WITH JACK OILANTERNS _ AS advocateso f ho l i day de regu la t i on , Lhe A&R Repor t j o ins i nthe ce leb ra t i on o f merchand is ing re t roac t i v i t yw i th th i s spec ia l "Mer ry Chr i s toween" i sh .Re ta i l e rs who once had to wa i t un t i l Thanksg iv ingto begin xmas sel l ing manuevers can now k ick of fon Oc tobe r 3 '1 . Fo r o the r ho l i day p red i c t i ons see ou r recen t a r t i c l e , "Why

N o t E a s t e r M o n d a y : L e t ' s E n d H o l i d a y H a n g u p s ! " ( i s h 2 2 )I^ lHorS THAT KNoCKING AT MY DooR? - Though too la te for our "Between Your Legs"i sh we ' ve recen t l y l ea rned tha t a ma jo r magaz ine pub l i she r w i I I soon tes t t hewa te rs w i th the u l t ima te se rv i ce magaz ine - r rwc r r - a b i -week ly a imed a t"bathroom readers" . Known as "On the John" in the t rade, the rag is expectedto emphas ize g rooming , and l i f es t y les . The p ro to type i sh (wh ich con ta j -nedsamples of scented to i le t paper) featured an in terv iew wi th comedian JackCar te r , a se l f -he lp fea tu re on i n -g rown toena i l s , and a consumer repo r t onshower rad ios . A Iso expec ted , a wa te rp roo f ve rs ion fo r t he ba th tub .Convent ion p lans cont inue to s immer as we get reardy for A&R-86 - the secondannua l Sp r ing A&R conven t ion . Don ' t f o rge t t o o rde r you r t - sh i r t s t o wear a tt h e c l a m b a k e ( s e e b a c k o f H o t & H a p p e n i n ' c h a r t s ) . T i I l n e x t i s h - e d .

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Lllt'omenr /*arysr]Wonder ing i f you got top dol lar f romyour insurer for that c iushed ver tebrae?I f you ' ve qo t a pC o r compa t ib le th i s i n foi s a t you r f i nge r t i ps (o r shou ld we savd is ta l pha langes? ) . And don ' t v ro r r y a6ou ts ta t i s t i ca l sca t te r , t h i s menu_dr i v3nmother wi l l take programming in to thef ina l f ront j_er - data management of yourown des t ruc t i on . Where e l i e bu t t heGol-den State?Nex t i sh - we rev iew 7 -L I , s Mov ieeu ik !

"L i f es t y le Insu rance" con t i nued f rom page 1

a t tack , t he money -movers took advan tage o f t h i s sw i t ch i n p r i o r i t i es .F i r s t , t he merchand ise caba ls began cha rg ing fo r t he i r own obso lescence . I fyou can buy j -nsurance for your prostate, why not for your new cappucinomaker? By sho r ten ing war ran t i es and c rea t i ng " se rv i ce con t rac ts " , consumersbegan foot ing the b i l l for the ever-predic table product breakdowns. Thebeaut i fu l feature of such serv ice contracts was that the fur ther theconsumer was f rom the date of purchase, the more l ike ly he was to renew h isserv ice contract . Four years af ter you bought the Kenmore washer-dryer ,Sears cou ld s t i l 1 be p i ck ing up you r spa re change .The second gang of rnoney-grubbers to cash in on l i festy le paranoia was thet ranspor t i ndus t r y . Us ing a Ka r l -Ma lden men ta l i t y , t he a i r l i ne /c red i tcompan ies gave us an image o f " t rave l i ng as d i sas te r " and so ld the who leth ing - f l i gh t i nsu rance , t rave le r r s checks , f o re ign med ica l cove rage ,rent -a-car waivers - as an appeal ing package for paranoids away f rom home.(Expec t t e r ro r i s t / sky jack ing i nsu rance nex t yea r . )Th i rd , and f i na l l y , t he moneyg loms s tepped in w i th the i r ve rs j -ons o fI i f es t y le p ro tec t i on - c red i t ca rd and ATM ca rd i nsu rance . Lose you rp las t i c , have no fea r - j us t ca I I t he to l l - f r ee number and you r l i ab i l i t y i sl im i ted . No ma t te r t ha t f ede ra l and s ta te l eg i s la t i on a l ready p ro tec ts thecredi t consumers, the banks can st i l l squeeze some d inero out o f unknowingc a r d - u s e r s .The resu l t o f t h i s e f fo r t i s a men ta l c i r cumven t ion o f t he b reakdowns ,the f t s and ab ras i veness wh ich we ca l I modern l i f e . The i nv i s ib le sh ie lddoesn t t seem to cos t much - bu t i t i s an i nc red ib l y l uc ra t i ve i ncome fo rthose who p rey on ou r power lessness and consumer fea r . I n t oday ' s pa rano ida n d d i s i n t e g r a t i n g w o r l d , i f y o u ' v e g o t t h e b u c k s , i t d o e s n ' t m a t t e r i f l i f es u c k s .The resu l t o f a I I o f t h i s f i nds the consumer aga in he lp less l y f o rk ing ove rmoney for noth ing - buy ing in to a fu ture which may not ex j -s t - pay ing ford i sas te r p reven t i on se rv i ces and to repa i r p roduc ts wh ich shou ldn ' t b reakdown in the f i r s t p lace . Wha t ' s nex t - w i f l we pay to gua ran tee thedel ivery of our nev/spaper or to j -nsure the taste of our food? Wi l - t we star tinsur ing our insurance? You might want to ponder these quest ions as youbr ing your pasta maker in to the author ized repai r shop.

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