news

FROM DAP

BREAKING THE INTERGENERATIONAL CYCLE OF DOMESTIC ABUSE SPRING PRINT EDITION

DAP Shrinks Dinosaurs Play therapy helps kids heal.

When seven-year-old Brittany’s mom tells her she is going to

see a counselor at DAP, Brittany’s confused. What’s a

counselor, and what’s a DAP? Mom says the counselor will

talk with Brittany about what happens at home. Now Brittany

is scared, because she knows NEVER to talk about THAT!

Brittany doesn’t realize her counselor’s REAL job is to help

Brittany shrink her dinosaur…

At DAP, Amy greets Brittany and her mom and invites Brittany

up to her office. Reluctantly, Brittany follows Amy and finds, to

her surprise, a room that’s bright and full of toys. Amy sits on

the floor and invites Brittany to play Go Fish. As they play, they

visit.

After Brittany wins Go Fish, Amy leads her to a shallow box

filled with soft, white sand and shows her a bookcase filled

with hundreds of toy figures. Amy asks Brittany to pick the

figures that can be her family members and use them to play in

the sand try. It takes a while for Brittany to be satisfied, but

finally she has it the way she wants it…

domestic abuse project | april 2013

After saying goodbye to Brittany and her mom, Amy returns to

her office to make note of Brittany’s sand try scene. A house and

some trees. There is a tiny giraffe and two small girl figurines in

the corner of the tray that Brittany says are her mom, her sister

and her. In the middle, looming over the house, is a T-Rex.

Brittany says the dinosaur is her dad.

Brittany keeps her vow not to talk about THAT stuff, the fighting

and the yelling and the tension that make her feel sad and

lonely and scared. She just plays. And yet Amy is left with a

clear picture – a literal picture – of how Brittany sees life at

home.

In one of their final meetings, Amy asks Brittany to do the same

sand tray activity she did when they first met.

Brittany’s sand tray looks happier – the center is now claimed by

large figures that represent Brittany, her mom and sister.

Brittany says she is the princess. Off in the corner is a tiny

dinosaur that Brittany says is her dad.

Amy has done her job. She’s helped Brittany to use play to work

through the strong and conflicting feelings she holds about her

family – love and fear, anger and tenderness, longing and

revulsion. Most importantly, Amy has helped Brittany to move

from a tiny figure cowering in the corner to a tall, strong princess

at the center of her world.

That’s our job at DAP – we help kids shrink dinosaurs.

Mind/Body Research Robin Lackner, former DAP Board Director

A Look at DAP 2012 View the full Annual Report e-update at domesticabuseproject.org

In 2012, 2886 people received help from

DAP. DAP’s Advocacy program worked

with 2303 people. DAP’s Therapy

program helped 359 men, 157 women and

67 adolescents and children.

Advocacy predominantly serves women

(96%) and some men (4%). In addition,

95% of DAP’s advocacy clientele come

from poor households. Affordability is a

core value at DAP. Most clients receive

DAP services free or pay $5 per session.

DAP has always believed it’s not enough

to offer services—we need to know that

those services are effective. DAP has

conducted rigorous evaluation of its

programs from the outset, using

protocols developed by the international-

ly recognized domestic violence expert

Dr. Jeffrey Edleson, now the Dean of the

School of Social Welfare at the

University of California—Berkeley.

domestic abuse project | april 2013

Last year at this time I wrote about a

research project examining whether yoga

could benefit domestic violence survi-

ors. At that time, the research design had

not yet been finalized. I can now report

back on the study and preliminary findings.

The study found that this protocol could

indeed be safely and practically incorpo-

rated into group therapy. Angela Lewis-

Dmello, DAP Youth Services Supervisor

noted, “We have found this intervention

can be easily integrated into the traditional

group talk-therapy format. There is

enthusiasm from the women survivors

regarding its integration, and we know from

the women’s reports how empowering,

centering, and restorative this intervention

feels. It holds the potential to be the next

step, and a vital tool, in their healing. “

Stay tuned for yet more results as the

therapists/researchers continue to refine

and expand the study. Namaste.

Read the full post on Robin’s blog at

robinlacknerconsulting.com.

Visit www.domesticabuseproject.org for

additional statistics, stories and outcomes.

FOR MORE INFORMATION

See the domestic abuse courtroom and hear

from DAP advocates, a former prosecutor

and a Minneapolis police officer how the real

world differs from what you see on TV.

Noon—1:00 PM | Public Safety Facility, Mpls.

April 26 | August 23 | September 27

Save your seat at domesticabuseproject.org

DAP JUSTICE TOUR

PROGRAM UPDATE

2

90% Completers from Men’s Therapy program

who did not have further involvement with

the criminal justice system during the twelve

months following completion.

89% Children who completed the DAP Youth

Therapy program who were fully able to

identify helper people and call the police.

Are you a multi-tasker? Then DAP’s Mother’s Day Online Auction

is made for you! Purchase a great gift for Mom and help families

heal from the effects of abuse, all with the click of a mouse.

Starting April 26, just go to domesticabuseproject.org, click the Online Auction icon and browse the offerings. Generous merchants

have donated the items being auctioned so that all proceeds go directly to help families transform their lives. The auction ends at

noon , May 4 so that your purchase will reach Mom by Mother’s Day. Don’t forget to buy something for yourself!

domestic abuse project | april 2013 3

SHRINK THE DINOSAUR BE OUR PARTNER IN HELPING AND HEALING

EVERY MEMBER OF A FAMILY

Each year, DAP provides the opportunity for nearly 3,000 people to change their lives, thanks to individuals,

like you. This MAY IS THE MONTH when together we will raise $25,000 to support DAP’s innovative and

dynamic therapy and advocacy services, and to ensure our programs remain free or low cost. How?

Four fun ways for you to support healing for families in crisis:

MAKE A DONATION | BUY FROM THE ONLINE AUCTION | PARTY WITH PURPOSE | ONLINE EVENT

You can help shrink the dinosaur that

looms so large for kids like Brittany.

Brittany’s story on the front page of this

newsletter is a powerful illustration of

how the abuse they’ve witnessed in their

family comes to dominate children’s

lives.

Like a T-Rex that towers over her home

and blocks the sunshine, the effects of

abuse can thwart a child’s ability to soak

in the love and confidence she needs to

grow into a healthy adult.

Children are the center of their own

universe and often believe that they’ve

caused the abuse that makes them so

unhappy. At DAP, they learn that the

abuse is not their fault, and the dinosaur

grows smaller.

Kids learn about helper people – trusted

adults they can turn to when they’re in

danger, and the dinosaur shrinks again.

DAP gives kids a safe place to break the

secret they’ve kept for so long, and the

dinosaur deflates once more. It’s not

gone, but it no longer blocks out the

sunlight or the love.

Any gift, large or small, shrinks

dinosaurs. And it’s not every day you

can do that.

ALL GIFTS TO DAP CHANGE

LIVES. HERE ARE SOME

EXAMPLES OF WHAT YOUR

DONATION WILL ACHIEVE.

$5,000 - will put one child

through the 12-week

children’s therapy program

$1,200 (or$100/month) -

sponsors one night of

Children’s Therapy Group

$300 - provides the family

meal that precedes each

Children’s Group

$100 - provides one night of

shelter for a woman and her

children when the shelters

are full

DONATE ONLINE AT

DOMESTICABUSEPROJECT.ORG

MAIL THE ENVELOPE TO DAP AT

204 WEST FRANKLIN

MINNEAPOLIS MN 55404

READ ON to learn the various ways you can

get involved with DAP’s Spring Campaign or

simply DONATE TODAY!

APRIL 26

to MAY 4

domestic abuse project | april 2013 4

MAY IS THE MONTH! You can make a donation to DAP at any time - actually, today would be great!

In addition, we invite you to participate in Party With Purpose and/or Friends Asking Friends during

May. Join other DAP supporters in our celebration of healing!

Sign up in April and then host your party or online fundraiser in May.

PARTY WITH PURPOSE Consider hosting a Party With Purpose - a private party fundraiser. Maybe you host a

cocktail party in your garden, or a dinner party featuring your famous egg rolls, or an

open house at your business. Whatever kind of party you decide to host, your efforts will

be supported by DAP staff. DAP provides invitations both printed and electronic,

and will deliver the 15 minute uplifting presentation during your party.

Sign up at domesticabuseproject.org or contact us at dap@mndap.org or 612.874.7063.

FRIENDS ASKING FRIENDS Is ending domestic abuse one of your causes? Do you love DAP? Want to mobilize your

friends, family and wider network to help raise funds for DAP? In 2 minutes, you can

create an inspiring ONLINE fundraiser for DAP and start helping today - for FREE.

With GiveMN.org creating a personal fundraiser is easy and fun.

Sign up at domesticabuseproject.org or contact us at dap@mndap.org or 612.874.7063.

TRIBUTE GIFTS Gifts in honor or in memory of someone speak to the depth of emotion and the sense of

connection that are an integral part of any relationship. When you make a Tribute Gift a

personalized acknowledgement card goes to the honoree or the honoree’s family.

Specially designed Tribute Cards and messages are available for Mother’s Day, Father’s

Day, In Memory cards, In Honor cards and for veterans - whose service can be

recognized with a gift to Change Step, DAP’s Men’s Therapy Program for veterans.

Make your donation today at domesticabusproject.org or contact us with questions at

dap@mndap.org or 612.874.7063.

Dear Dad

domestic abuse project | april 2013

Early January, ten volunteers from the Rotary

Club of Northwest Hennepin County spent a

long day at DAP’s main office making repairs

and cosmetic improvements to the old house. In

addition, they created a lovely, quiet waiting

area for women in the therapy group. Thank you

for making DAP safer, more attractive and even

more welcoming!

YOGA for DAP with the Gorilla Yogis in

Minneapolis City Hall on Sunday, May 19 at

11:00 AM. Join hundreds of yoga enthusiasts in

this demonstration of yoga and exercise in

community involvement. Preregister today at

domesticabuseproject.org and then visit the

Gorilla Yogis website at gorillayogis.com.

350 S. 5th Street | Minneapolis |

Government Plaza Light Rail Station

In early March 2013, St. Paul Pioneer

Press reporter Mara H. Gottfried

wrote an article “On the heels of

several apparent domestic abuse

slayings, past victims speak out.”

The article featured Chuck and

M’Liss Switzer. Longtime supporters

of DAP may find these names famil-

iar as they were among the first cli-

ents at DAP in the early 1980’s and

over the past three decades have

spoken not only to raise awareness,

but to carry the message that trans-

formation and healing are possible.

M’Liss Switzer authored a book,

“Called to Account” years after both

she and Chuck, along with their

children, attended DAP. The letter

below was written by the Switzers’

son, who read his letter to his father

at the 2006 DAP Transforming

Families annual fundraising

luncheon.

Dear Dad,

I remember from Mom’s book reading

about you when you were 10 years old,

and the horrible things your dad did to

you. Killing your dog with a hammer in

front of you, beating you and your

mother. I remember feeling so sorry for

you.

Then I remember seeing you hit Mom. I

remember the way you would get angry

with me for letting the dog out of the

yard. I remember you screaming at me,

out of control with rage. I was always

afraid of you. I remember hating you.

I was 9 years old when I started coming

to DAP.

You and Mom would bring me to this old

house in Minneapolis. I would sit with

other kids my age and talk about what

happened with our dads. I would listen

to other children tell of how their dad had

beaten them or hit them with a bat. I

remember thinking, “Wow, I had it easy.”

I just got screamed at a lot. It was 20

years before I realized the full impact of

that.

5

At DAP I learned that what was

happening in our home was NOT OK.

I learned that if I was scared I should

get away to a neighbor or friend’s

house. We started having family

meetings once a week and discussing

if we had any issues with each other.

This really got our anger towards one

another out on the table and gave us

all an opportunity to be heard.

This changed our family!

As an adult I have continued to use

the tools that DAP gave me as a child.

I will admit that in some heated

arguments with my own wife I have

considered hitting her. But there is

something inside me like a dog

running to the end of its leash that

always yanks me back. I have found

that if my wife and I take a few

minutes away from each other, a Time

Out if you will, then I start to look at

myself. When I take responsibility for

my behavior, our argument is over

instantly.

Dad, what I learned from you is that

no matter what the circumstances, a

person can change. At any given

moment you can choose not to hit,

you can choose not to drink or do

drugs. You can choose to love your

children no matter what, and to honor

your word to your wife, till death do us

part.

You have shown me that we…YOU

AND I…can break the intergenera-

tional cycle of violence. I’m sad for

what you experienced as a child. And

I’m sad for what Mom experienced

early in her marriage to you. But I’m

so proud and grateful for the changes

you and Mom have made in helping to

end the abuse in our family. Thank

you Dad.

I love you.

The KGB Band will be performing at Famous

Dave’s Calhoun Square on Saturday, May 4,

3:30-6:30 PM as a fundraiser for DAP! The

Minneapolis based band plays a mix of

traditional blues and lesser-known gems. In

addition to good food and great music, you can

participate in a raffle and other fun. Bring the

kids! Famous Dave’s | 3001 Hennepin Avenue |

Minneapolis

Numbers To Know

Domestic Abuse Project | 612.874.7063

Day One® Minnesota Domestic

Violence Crisis Line | 1.866.223.1111

news

FROM DAP

domestic abuse project

204 west franklin avenue

minneapolis mn 55404

www.domesticabuseproject.org

BREAKING THE INTERGENERATIONAL CYCLE OF DOMESTIC ABUSE

Helping a Friend or Family Member Read more about how to support a loved one who is or may be in an abusive

relationship at www.domesticabuseproject.org.

Although it may be tempting to advise a

victim to leave a relationship, that type of

advice often backfires and the victim

may no longer seek help. Instead here

are some more effective options.

Don’t be afraid to let her know you are

concerned for her safety.

Acknowledge that she is in a very

difficult and scary situation.

Be supportive. Listen. Help her sort out

her options.

Be non-judgmental.

Encourage her to do things with you and

other friends and family and to take part

in other activities outside her relation-

ship.

domestic abuse project | april 2013 6

If she breaks up with the abuser,

continue to be supportive of her once

she is alone.

If she stays with the abuser, continue

to be supportive and non-judgmental.

Help her to develop a safety plan.

Encourage her to talk to professionals

who can give her help and guidance.

Remember that you cannot rescue

her. You can be there to support her

and to help her find her own way to

escape the abuse and make herself

safe.