Never curse the faithNever curse the faith

bybyRIJALDA DIZDAREVICRIJALDA DIZDAREVIC

.... A man is just a fine thread........ A man is just a fine thread....

He knew it perfectly but still was He knew it perfectly but still was angry with Him...angry with Him...

I want a male child not a .... I want a male child not a ....

Nikad ne proklinji sudbinu, ono sto Nikad ne proklinji sudbinu, ono sto te zadesi. Ako je nevolja, podnesi te zadesi. Ako je nevolja, podnesi je. Iskusenje, savladaj ga. Slusaj i je. Iskusenje, savladaj ga. Slusaj i uci od prirode. Na kisi je da pada, uci od prirode. Na kisi je da pada, na zemlji da je upija. Uzdigni se, na zemlji da je upija. Uzdigni se, ponizi, ali uvijek postuj sveto! I nije ponizi, ali uvijek postuj sveto! I nije tacno da covjek u potpunosti kroji tacno da covjek u potpunosti kroji svoju sudbinu. Nije. On je samo svoju sudbinu. Nije. On je samo tanka nit, bice koje svoju jadnu tanka nit, bice koje svoju jadnu sujetu hrani pobjedama drugih, a sujetu hrani pobjedama drugih, a ne sebe, bice koje uziva dok ne sebe, bice koje uziva dok ponizava, unistava, gazi, namece ponizava, unistava, gazi, namece svoju volju drugome, ili... ili se svoju volju drugome, ili... ili se pokorava jacem i nadmocnijem, ne pokorava jacem i nadmocnijem, ne bi li se okoristio bez imalo ulozenog bi li se okoristio bez imalo ulozenog truda, pa makar i po cijenu truda, pa makar i po cijenu ponizenja svoga ljudskoga ponizenja svoga ljudskoga dostojanstva. Ili, ne bi li podmitio dostojanstva. Ili, ne bi li podmitio svoje niske strasti koje ga poput svoje niske strasti koje ga poput utvare proganjaju, dok se on njima utvare proganjaju, dok se on njima bori, zauvijek, od rodjenja grcajuci bori, zauvijek, od rodjenja grcajuci u mukama. u mukama.

Never curse the faith, the thing Never curse the faith, the thing that befalls you. If it is a that befalls you. If it is a trouble, bear it. Temptation, trouble, bear it. Temptation, cope with it. Let nature be your cope with it. Let nature be your teacher. Rain drops must fall teacher. Rain drops must fall and ground must soak it up. and ground must soak it up. Rise yourself, humilate, but Rise yourself, humilate, but always respect the holiness! always respect the holiness! And it is not true that a man And it is not true that a man tailors his destiny. No, it is not. tailors his destiny. No, it is not. A man is just a fine thread, A man is just a fine thread, creature who feeds his vanity creature who feeds his vanity winning others, not himself, a winning others, not himself, a creature who enjoys when creature who enjoys when humilating, destroying, humilating, destroying, crushing, imposing his will on crushing, imposing his will on others... or... or he just submits others... or... or he just submits himself to the much more himself to the much more superior or powerful individual superior or powerful individual than he is, in order to profit than he is, in order to profit without taking great pains over without taking great pains over something. He humilates something. He humilates himself at all cost even at cost himself at all cost even at cost of humilating his dignity or in of humilating his dignity or in order to barb his vices, which he order to barb his vices, which he is being followed by as an ghost is being followed by as an ghost figthing with them and cringing figthing with them and cringing in tortures from the birth.in tortures from the birth.

Zivot tada postaje pozornica Zivot tada postaje pozornica sa mnostvom glumaca, sa mnostvom glumaca, njihovih djela i uloga... a njihovih djela i uloga... a pobjednici su oni koji uspiju pobjednici su oni koji uspiju da zamijene uloge, te dobiju da zamijene uloge, te dobiju dio koji najbolje odgovara dio koji najbolje odgovara njihovim sposobnostima, njihovim sposobnostima, mogucnostima i htijenju. mogucnostima i htijenju. Rijetki su oni koji se uzdizu do Rijetki su oni koji se uzdizu do polja nauke, koji uce, polja nauke, koji uce, poucavaju i bivaju pouceni. poucavaju i bivaju pouceni. Rijetki su takvi. On je sve to Rijetki su takvi. On je sve to znao. Ali, ipak, ljutio se na znao. Ali, ipak, ljutio se na Njega. Njega.

Life then becomes a stage Life then becomes a stage with a lot of actors, their with a lot of actors, their acting plays and parts... acting plays and parts... and the winners are those and the winners are those who contrieve in replacing who contrieve in replacing the roles and get the parts the roles and get the parts which most suit to their which most suit to their abilities, possibilities and abilities, possibilities and will. Those who raise will. Those who raise themselves in the heights themselves in the heights of the science field (who of the science field (who reach the heights of reach the heights of science), who learn, teach science), who learn, teach and are being taught are and are being taught are rare. Those are really rare. rare. Those are really rare. He knew it perfectly. He knew it perfectly. However, he was still However, he was still angry with him. angry with him.

U sobi je bio potpuni mrak. Tisina. U sobi je bio potpuni mrak. Tisina. Posljednje zrake sunca su umorno Posljednje zrake sunca su umorno padale na drvene prozore ne bi li se padale na drvene prozore ne bi li se probile i istjerale tminu i ustajali vazduh probile i istjerale tminu i ustajali vazduh iz coskova prostorije. Brsljan je vec iz coskova prostorije. Brsljan je vec podosta bio obujmio stara okna, ispleo podosta bio obujmio stara okna, ispleo se oko stare zeljezne ograde te polako se oko stare zeljezne ograde te polako ali sigurno poceo svoj pohod ka krovu. ali sigurno poceo svoj pohod ka krovu. Ova stara kuca vec stoljecima Ova stara kuca vec stoljecima predstavlja olicenje trdicije i proslosti, predstavlja olicenje trdicije i proslosti, istog takvog nacina zivota, te zivotne istog takvog nacina zivota, te zivotne radosti i poleta. No medjutim, godina radosti i poleta. No medjutim, godina 1990. je bila drugacija. Te iste godine, 1990. je bila drugacija. Te iste godine, tuga, bijes i zaljenje su zauzeli mjesto, tuga, bijes i zaljenje su zauzeli mjesto, ustanivsi se u ovoj oazi mira. Te godine ustanivsi se u ovoj oazi mira. Te godine je majka po treci put rodila kcerkicu, je majka po treci put rodila kcerkicu, malu, prelijepu krecavicu, kojoj otac nije malu, prelijepu krecavicu, kojoj otac nije mogao podnijeti glas. Zar da po treci put mogao podnijeti glas. Zar da po treci put slusam plac jedne ceravice – govorio je, slusam plac jedne ceravice – govorio je, jos jedne koja ce me ostaviti dok napuni jos jedne koja ce me ostaviti dok napuni punoljetstvo, ja zelim nasljednika, punoljetstvo, ja zelim nasljednika, stasito i hrabro musko dijete koje ce stasito i hrabro musko dijete koje ce prenijeti tekovinu starijih narastaja i prenijeti tekovinu starijih narastaja i nasih predaka, njihovu zaostavstinu – nasih predaka, njihovu zaostavstinu – ostro je klimao glavom i govorio ljuljajuci ostro je klimao glavom i govorio ljuljajuci se u svojoj fotelji, puseci lulu, srdeci se se u svojoj fotelji, puseci lulu, srdeci se na zlu sudbinu koja ga je zadesila. na zlu sudbinu koja ga je zadesila. Njegova najstarija kcerka, po imenu Njegova najstarija kcerka, po imenu Soraya je 1990. navrsila punih 18 Soraya je 1990. navrsila punih 18 godina, upravo na dan kada se rodila godina, upravo na dan kada se rodila njena najmladja sestrica. Radosna zbog njena najmladja sestrica. Radosna zbog dobitka, no, ipak, pomalo tuzna jer ce, dobitka, no, ipak, pomalo tuzna jer ce, znala je ona, mala Merjem donijeti znala je ona, mala Merjem donijeti pomutnju u njihovu kucu. pomutnju u njihovu kucu.

The latest sunbeams were falling The latest sunbeams were falling lazily onto wood windows to chase lazily onto wood windows to chase the darkness and stagnant air from the darkness and stagnant air from the corners. The ivy covered the corners. The ivy covered windowpane and interwined with the windowpane and interwined with the old iron fence on the terrace starting old iron fence on the terrace starting its trip towards the roof of the house its trip towards the roof of the house slowly but safely. This house has slowly but safely. This house has been preserving (cherishing) the been preserving (cherishing) the spirit of the past and tradition for spirit of the past and tradition for centuries, the same way of life, as centuries, the same way of life, as well as life happiness and well as life happiness and enthusiasm. The year 1990 was enthusiasm. The year 1990 was completely different. At this time completely different. At this time sadness, rage and regret took place sadness, rage and regret took place settling down in the oasis of settling down in the oasis of calmness. During this year mother calmness. During this year mother for the third time gave birth to a girl, for the third time gave birth to a girl, little sloppy female child, whose little sloppy female child, whose voice her father couldn`t stand voice her father couldn`t stand hearing. Will I have to listen to hearing. Will I have to listen to crying of that girl, another one who crying of that girl, another one who will leave me when she is about to will leave me when she is about to reach her adulthood, he was saying – reach her adulthood, he was saying – I want a brave and strong male child I want a brave and strong male child who will pass cultural heritage down who will pass cultural heritage down from our ancestry – nodding with his from our ancestry – nodding with his head, smoking a pipe and wobbling head, smoking a pipe and wobbling in the armchair he was complainig in the armchair he was complainig about bad destiny which he was about bad destiny which he was doomed to now. Soraya, his eldest doomed to now. Soraya, his eldest daughter, was 18 years the day daughter, was 18 years the day when her youngest sister was born. when her youngest sister was born. In spite of being happy she still felt In spite of being happy she still felt really deflated because she knew really deflated because she knew this would cause a confusion in their this would cause a confusion in their home.home.

Soraya je bila od onih Soraya je bila od onih djevojaka koje su sjedile djevojaka koje su sjedile uvijek u blizini nekog uvijek u blizini nekog starijeg ili iza svoje majke, starijeg ili iza svoje majke, kako bi je mimoisli kako bi je mimoisli pohlepni pogledi momaka pohlepni pogledi momaka koji su u njoj vidjeli olicenje koji su u njoj vidjeli olicenje iskonske ljepote i iskonske ljepote i zenstvenosti. Asya joj je zenstvenosti. Asya joj je uvijek zavidjela. Iako uvijek zavidjela. Iako mladja i uvijek vise mladja i uvijek vise darovana paznjom, ona je darovana paznjom, ona je zajedljivo pricala sa svima zajedljivo pricala sa svima onima koji bi pokusavali da onima koji bi pokusavali da se preko nje priblize se preko nje priblize Sorayi. Sorayi.

Soraya was one of Soraya was one of those shy girls who those shy girls who usually sat behind their usually sat behind their mother in order to mother in order to avoid greedy looks of avoid greedy looks of men to whom she was men to whom she was the embodiment of true the embodiment of true beauty and femininity. beauty and femininity. Her sister envied her Her sister envied her that beauty. Although that beauty. Although younger and given more younger and given more attention she used attention she used sarcasm when talking sarcasm when talking with those who wanted with those who wanted to become close firstly to become close firstly with her and then with with her and then with Soraya.Soraya.

Nemiri su se takodjer bili uvukli i u Nemiri su se takodjer bili uvukli i u dusu njihova najstarijeg djeteta. Svi su dusu njihova najstarijeg djeteta. Svi su vec bili primijetili kako se Sorayino vec bili primijetili kako se Sorayino vitko tijelo najednom zaoblilo. Sada je vitko tijelo najednom zaoblilo. Sada je iza sebe ostavljala ne samo muske, iza sebe ostavljala ne samo muske, vec i zenske nepomicne statue nijemih vec i zenske nepomicne statue nijemih otrgnutih lica, isklesanih figura sto otrgnutih lica, isklesanih figura sto poput vjernog roba ljepote bivaju poput vjernog roba ljepote bivaju zatocene u mramorni prah, iz kojeg se zatocene u mramorni prah, iz kojeg se samo kao po kazni, promaljaju njihovi samo kao po kazni, promaljaju njihovi zli dusi, velicajuci savrsenstvo zli dusi, velicajuci savrsenstvo utjelovljeno u liku jednog mladog, utjelovljeno u liku jednog mladog, poletnog i skromnog andjelcica, male poletnog i skromnog andjelcica, male Soraye. Nikad prekorena od strane Soraye. Nikad prekorena od strane svojih roditelja kao sto to uglavnom svojih roditelja kao sto to uglavnom bivaju mladici i djevojke njene dobi, pa bivaju mladici i djevojke njene dobi, pa cak i njene mladje sestre zbog cak i njene mladje sestre zbog nestasluka koje su cinile uprkos nestasluka koje su cinile uprkos roditeljskim zaprekama, i ona se sama roditeljskim zaprekama, i ona se sama cudila strpljenju kojim je vladala, vrelu cudila strpljenju kojim je vladala, vrelu svoje blagosti, njeznosti, a da ni sama svoje blagosti, njeznosti, a da ni sama nije znala odakle izviru, gdje je nije znala odakle izviru, gdje je nepresusno vrelo koje isplovljava nepresusno vrelo koje isplovljava tolike vrednote i manire koji plove tolike vrednote i manire koji plove cijelim njenim produhovljenim bicem, cijelim njenim produhovljenim bicem, svako malo izviru na povrsinu pri svako malo izviru na povrsinu pri ophodjenju s drugima, a vjesto ophodjenju s drugima, a vjesto izbjegavaju mlazove zamucivanja?! izbjegavaju mlazove zamucivanja?!

The angst entered the soul of their The angst entered the soul of their eldest child, Soraya. They all eldest child, Soraya. They all noticed the changes in her physical noticed the changes in her physical appearance. Not only did she now appearance. Not only did she now leave the men’s but also women’s leave the men’s but also women’s motionless figures of mute and lost motionless figures of mute and lost faces with their eyes glued to her faces with their eyes glued to her as well as clean-out statues which as well as clean-out statues which being captivated like true servant being captivated like true servant of beauty in the dust showed up of beauty in the dust showed up from time to time as evil spirits from time to time as evil spirits glorifying the perfection emodied in glorifying the perfection emodied in the peronality of young, the peronality of young, enthusiastic and humble angel, enthusiastic and humble angel, little Soraya. Never criticized by her little Soraya. Never criticized by her parents as it is usual for young parents as it is usual for young people of her age even for her people of her age even for her younger sisters to misbehave younger sisters to misbehave although warned by the adults although warned by the adults against doing miscievous acts, she against doing miscievous acts, she herself was surprised by patience herself was surprised by patience she possessed, the source of her she possessed, the source of her gentleness, and tenderness for gentleness, and tenderness for which she herself didn’t know which she herself didn’t know where they are coming from, where where they are coming from, where is the bottomless well which is the bottomless well which produces so many values and produces so many values and manners that float through her manners that float through her spiritual being coming up to the spiritual being coming up to the surface each time she interacts surface each time she interacts with others, but avoid spurts of with others, but avoid spurts of blurring?! blurring?!

I nije dugo cekala. Zadnji voz za I nije dugo cekala. Zadnji voz za Carigrad kretao je poslije ponoci, Carigrad kretao je poslije ponoci, a ona se vec spakovala dva dana a ona se vec spakovala dva dana prije kako bi bila sigurna da je sve prije kako bi bila sigurna da je sve uspomene i sjecanja strpala u uspomene i sjecanja strpala u kofer, cvrsto zatvorila i ponijela sa kofer, cvrsto zatvorila i ponijela sa sobom u grad u kojem ce pokusati sobom u grad u kojem ce pokusati naci svoje drugo ja, ondje gdje ce naci svoje drugo ja, ondje gdje ce postati obrazovana, postovana, postati obrazovana, postovana, uspjesna te naucena navikama uspjesna te naucena navikama savremenijeg zivota i svijeta. savremenijeg zivota i svijeta. Rastanak sa svojima nije tesko Rastanak sa svojima nije tesko pao, samo, bilo je jako bolno pao, samo, bilo je jako bolno otrgnuti se iz zagrljaja male Nur, otrgnuti se iz zagrljaja male Nur, skinuti tanke rucice ispletene oko skinuti tanke rucice ispletene oko vrata te pogledati suzne oci koje vrata te pogledati suzne oci koje nisu razumjele bilo kakve razloge nisu razumjele bilo kakve razloge ili opravdanost odlaska. O ili opravdanost odlaska. O majcinoj tuzi da se i ne govori. majcinoj tuzi da se i ne govori. Svaka majka uzdahom placa tugu Svaka majka uzdahom placa tugu odlaska svoga djeteta, istim onim odlaska svoga djeteta, istim onim uzdahom i izdahom kojim ga je uzdahom i izdahom kojim ga je donijela na svijet, podarivsi mu donijela na svijet, podarivsi mu zivot. zivot.

And she didn’t waited too long. At And she didn’t waited too long. At midnight there was the last train midnight there was the last train going to Istanbul but she had going to Istanbul but she had packed her suitcase long before packed her suitcase long before just in order to be sure for certain just in order to be sure for certain that she had put all of the that she had put all of the memories and remmebrance, to memories and remmebrance, to be sure that everything inside is be sure that everything inside is locked, because she will bring it locked, because she will bring it with her in new city where she with her in new city where she hoped would find the other hoped would find the other Soraya, in place where she will Soraya, in place where she will become educated person and become educated person and respected by others, successful respected by others, successful and accustomed to the habbits and accustomed to the habbits and ways of modern life and and ways of modern life and world. The farewell wasn’t too world. The farewell wasn’t too sad, but it was really difficult to sad, but it was really difficult to pull out from the embrace of little pull out from the embrace of little Meryem, her small hands, fingers Meryem, her small hands, fingers around Soraya’s neck and to look around Soraya’s neck and to look at her eyes which couldn’t at her eyes which couldn’t understand any kind of reason or understand any kind of reason or execuse for departure. The execuse for departure. The sadness of her mother could’t sadness of her mother could’t even be described. Eeven be described. Everyvery mother mother undergoes the sadness when her undergoes the sadness when her child leaves home and heave a child leaves home and heave a sigh, the same sigh with which sigh, the same sigh with which she gave him a birth, endowing she gave him a birth, endowing him with life.him with life.

Soraya je sada imala svoga heroja Soraya je sada imala svoga heroja koji joj je pomogao da zaboravi koji joj je pomogao da zaboravi sve grozote i da uziva u ovom sve grozote i da uziva u ovom trnutku, punom ljubavi koju joj je trnutku, punom ljubavi koju joj je poklanjao. Njihova veza je bila poklanjao. Njihova veza je bila svakim danom sve jaca i jaca, sa svakim danom sve jaca i jaca, sa svakim novim danom i rijesenim svakim novim danom i rijesenim problemom. Ne samo da se udala problemom. Ne samo da se udala za njega, vec takodjer rodila za njega, vec takodjer rodila malog sincica, sto je njen otac malog sincica, sto je njen otac oduvijek prizeljkivao. Sve ju je ovo oduvijek prizeljkivao. Sve ju je ovo podsjecalo na situaciju kod kuce, podsjecalo na situaciju kod kuce, osobito onda kada je mala osobito onda kada je mala Meryem dosla na svijet a otac Meryem dosla na svijet a otac napravio takav izraz lica da se napravio takav izraz lica da se odmah vidjelo da ne zeli zensko odmah vidjelo da ne zeli zensko dijete. Kad bi mu samo sad mogla dijete. Kad bi mu samo sad mogla reci da su se njegovi snovi reci da su se njegovi snovi ispunili, nakon mnogo godina ispunili, nakon mnogo godina provedenih u ocaju i ljutnji, da je provedenih u ocaju i ljutnji, da je sada mogao napokon osjetiti i sada mogao napokon osjetiti i cuti plac snaznog muskog djeteta. cuti plac snaznog muskog djeteta.

Soraya now had her hero who Soraya now had her hero who helped her to forget about all helped her to forget about all bad things and to enjoy in the bad things and to enjoy in the new moment, moment full of new moment, moment full of love he was giving to her. love he was giving to her. Their relationship was Their relationship was stronger and stronger with stronger and stronger with each new day passed and each new day passed and problem solved, so not only problem solved, so not only did she marry him but also did she marry him but also gave a birth to their little gave a birth to their little child, son, as her father child, son, as her father always wished. It reminded always wished. It reminded her of the situation at home, her of the situation at home, especially when Meryem, her especially when Meryem, her younger sister, was born and younger sister, was born and her father made such grimaher father made such grimacce e that it was obvious he did not that it was obvious he did not want female child. If only she want female child. If only she could now tell him that after could now tell him that after so many years of living in so many years of living in despair and anger, he could despair and anger, he could now see his dreams fulfilled now see his dreams fulfilled and feel and hear the crying and feel and hear the crying of a strong male child. of a strong male child.

Mummy please, Mummy please, love me because of love me because of me!me!

Daddy please, love Daddy please, love me because of my me because of my sistersister

Mummy, daddy, Mummy, daddy, sorry, because of sorry, because of my pants my pants ))))