My Daddy's Name is Donor: A New Study of Young Adults Conceived Through Sperm Donation

7/25/2019 My Daddy's Name is Donor: A New Study of Young Adults Conceived Through Sperm Donation

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AReportReleasedInternationallybytheCommissiononParenthoodsFuture

ANewStudyofYoun

gAdults

ConceivedThrough

SpermDonation

ELIZABETHMARQUARDT,NORVALD.GLENN,

ANDKARENCLARK,CO-INVESTIGATORS


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Tis repor is released inernaionally under he auspices of he

Commission on Parenhoods Fuure, an independen, nonparisan group

of scholars and leaders who have come ogeher o invesigae he saus

of parenhood and make recommendaions for he fuure.

Te lead co-invesigaor of his repor, Elizabeh Marquard, is

direcor of he Cener for Marriage and Families a he Insiue forAmerican Values. Te Ceners online sie for engagemen is .

. .

Te co-invesigaors would like o hank Jeremy Uecker of he

Universiy of exas a Ausin for analysis; Chinan urakhia a Ab SRBI

for his experise and helpfulness; David Mills for copy ediing; and he

members of he Commission on Parenhoods Fuure for heir advice.

Elizabeh Marquard would like o hank her colleagues a he Insiue

for American Values for heir exraordinary suppor of and commi-

men o his projec. Te views in his repor are atribuable o he

co-invesigaors alone.

Copyrigh , Insiue for American Values. All righs reserved.

No reproducion of he maerials conained herein is permited wihou

he writen permission of he Insiue for American Values.

: ---

Insiue for American Values Broadway, Suie

New York, NY

el: () -

Fax: () -

@ .

. .

Acknowledgements


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Te Commission on Parenhoods Fuure is an independen, nonpar-

isan group of scholars and leaders who have come ogeher o invesigae

he saus of parenhood as a legal, ehical, social, and scienific caegory

in conemporary socieies and o make recommendaions for he fuure.

Commission members convene scholarly conferences; produce books,

repors, and public saemens; wrie for popular and scholarly publicaions;and engage in public speaking. Is members include he following:

David Blankenhorn,Insiue or American Values

Don Browning, Universiy o Chicago Diviniy School (Emerius)

Daniel Cere,McGill Universiy (Canada)

Karen Clark, FamilyScholars.org, co-invesigaor

Jean Behke Elshain, Universiy o Chicago Diviniy School

Maggie Gallagher,Insiue or Marriage and Public Policy

Norval D. Glenn, Universiy o exas a Ausin, co-invesigaor

Rober P. George,Princeon Universiy

Amy Laura Hall,Duke Universiy

imohy P. Jackson,Emory Universiy

Kahleen Kovner Kline, Universiy o Colorado School o Medicine

Suzy Yehl Mara, Rainbows Inc.

Elizabeh Marquard,Insiue or American Values, co-invesigaor

Michell B. Pearlsein, Cener o he American Experimen

David Popenoe, Rugers Universiy (Emerius)Sephen G. Pos, Cener or Medical Humaniies, Compassionae

Care, and Bioehics a Sony Brook Universiy

Dave Quis,Insiue o Marriage and Family Canada

Luis ellez, Wiherspoon Insiue

David Quinn,Iona Insiue (Ireland)

Amy Wax, Universiy o Pennsylvania Law School

W. Bradford Wilcox, Universiy o Virginia

John Wite, Jr.,Emory UniversiyPeer Wood,Naional Associaion o Scholars

Aboutthe

Commission

onParenthoods

Future


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Meethodlogy

and Limitations

Executive Summary ^

Tanfgled WebsHow Do Donor

Offspring Fare?

Religion & Race:

The Surpr ising Case of

Todays Donor Offspring

Is Donor Conception

Just Like Adoption?

IntrroductionIntroduction The Daddy Box

TangledWebs Secrets & Anonymity

Limitations

Methodology&Tables & FiguresRecommendations

Rights

Table ofContents

Fifteen

MajorFind

ings


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EXECUTIVE

SUMMARY

In , a Philadelphia physician pu his female paien o sleep

and inseminaed her wih sperm from a man who was no her

husband. Te paien became pregnan and bore a child she

believed was he couples biological offspring.

oday, his even occurs every day around he world wih he willing

consen of women and wih he involvemen of millions of physicians,

echnicians, cryoscieniss, and accounans. Te Unied Saes alone has

a feriliy indusry ha brings in . billion annually. Meanwhile, feriliy

ourism has aken off as a booming global rade. A number of naions bill

hemselves as desinaions for couples who wish o circumven sricer laws

and greaer expense in heir own counries in order o become pregnan

using reproducive echnologies. Te larges sperm bank in he world,

Cryos, is in Denmark and ships hree-quarers of is sperm overseas.In he U.S., an esimaed ,-, children are born each year

hrough sperm donaion, bu his number is only an educaed guess. Nei-

her he indusry nor any oher eniy in he U.S. is required o repor on

hese vial saisics. Mos srikingly, here is almos no reliable evidence,

in any naion, abou he experience of young aduls who were conceived

in his way.

Tis sudy is he firs effor o learn abou he ideniy, kinship, well-

being, and social jusice experiences of young aduls who were conceived

hrough sperm donaion. Te survey research firm Ab SRBI of New York

Ciy fielded our survey hrough a web-based panel ha includes more han

a million households across he Unied Saes. Trough his mehod we

assembled a represenaive sample of aduls beween he ages of

and years old who said heir moher used a sperm donor o conceive

hem. We also assembled comparison groups of young aduls who

were adoped as infans and young aduls who were raised by heir

biological parens.

We learned ha, on average, young aduls conceived hrough spermdonaion are huring more, are more confused, and feel more isolaed from

heir families. Tey fare worse han heir peers raised by biological parens

on imporan oucomes such as depression, delinquency and subsance

abuse. Nearly wo-hirds agree, My sperm donor is half of who I am.


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Nearly half are disurbed ha money was involved in heir concepion.

More han half say ha when hey see someone who resembles hem hey

wonder if hey are relaed. Almos as many say hey have feared being

atraced o or having sexual relaions wih someone o whom hey are

unknowingly relaed. Approximaely wo-hirds affirm he righ of donor

offspring o know he ruh abou heir origins. And abou half of donoroffspring have concerns abou or serious objecions o donor concepion

iself, even when parens ell heir children he ruh.

Te ile of his repor,My Daddys Name is Donor, comes from a

-shir markeed o parens of babies who were donor conceived. Te

designers of he shir say is jus mean o be funny. Bu we wondered

how he children feel when hey grow up.

Tis unprecedened, large, comparaive, and very nearly represena-

ive sudy of young aduls conceived hrough sperm donaion responds

o ha quesion. Te exraordinary findings repored in he sories, ables

and figures ha follow will be of concern o any policy maker, healh

professional, civic leader, paren, would-be paren, and young or grown

donor conceived person, anywhere in he world. An exensive lis of

recommendaions is found a he conclusion.

We aim for nohing less han o launch a naional and inernaional

debae on he ehics, meaning, and pracice of donor concepion, saring now.


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FIFTEENMAJOR

FINDINGS

Young aduls conceived hrough sperm donaion (or donor.

offspring) experience profound sruggles wih heir origins

and ideniies.

Sixy-five percen of donor offspring agree, My sperm donor is

half of who I am. Fory-five percen agree, Te circumsances of myconcepion boher me. Almos half repor ha hey hink abou donor

concepion a leas a few imes a week or more oen.

Te role of money in heir concepion disurbs a subsanial number

of donor offspring. Fory-five percen agree, I bohers me ha money

was exchanged in order o conceive me. Fory-wo percen of donor

offspring, compared o percen from adopive families and percen

raised by biological parens, agree, I is wrong for people o provide heir

sperm or eggs for a fee o ohers who wish o have children.When hey grow up, donor offspring are more likely o agree, I

don feel ha anyone really undersands me, wih percen of hem

agreeing srongly, compared o percen of he adoped and nine percen

of hose raised by biological parens.

Family relaionships for donor offspring are more oen char-.

acerized by confusion, ension, and loss.

More han half ( percen) agree, I have worried ha if I ry o

ge more informaion abou or have a relaionship wih my sperm donor,

my moher and/or he faher who raised me would feel angry or hur.

Seveny percen agree, I find myself wondering wha my sperm donors

family is like, and percen agree, I someimes wonder if my sperm

donors parens would wan o know me.

Nearly half of donor offspring ( percen) compared o abou a

fih of adoped aduls ( percen) agree, When I see friends wih heir

biological fahers and mohers, i makes me feel sad. Similarly, more

han half of donor offspring ( percen, compared o percen of headoped aduls) agree, I hurs when I hear oher people alk abou heir

genealogical background.

Fory-hree percen of donor offspring, compared o percen

of adoped persons and six percen of hose raised by heir biological

from My Dadd ys Name

is Donor: A New Study

of Young Adults Conc eived

Through Sperm Donation

Elizabeh Marquard, Norval D. Glenn,

and Karen Clark, co-invesigaors


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parens, agree, I feel confused abou who is a member of my family and

who is no.

Almos half of donor offspring ( percen) agree, I worry ha

my moher migh have lied o me abou imporan maters when I was

growing up, compared wih percen of he adoped and percen

raised by heir biological parens. Similarly, percen of donor offspring,compared o percen and percen, respecively, of hose raised by

adopive or biological parens, agree, I worry ha my faher migh have

lied o me abou imporan maters when I was growing up.

When hey grow up, well over half ( percen) of donor offspring

agree, I feel ha I can depend on my friends more han my family abou

wice as many as hose who grew up wih heir biological parens.

Donor offspring oen worry abou he implicaions of iner-.

acing wih and possibly forming inimae relaionships wih

unknown, blood-relaed family members.

Well over half of donor offspring percenagree, When I see

someone who resembles me I oen wonder if we are relaed, compared

o percen of adoped aduls and percen raised by heir biological

parens.

Nearly half percenof donor offspring, bu jus percen of

adoped aduls and percen of hose raised by heir biological parens,agree, When Im romanically atraced o someone I have worried ha

we could be unknowingly relaed. Similarly, percen of adul donor

offspring, and jus percen of adoped aduls and percen of hose

raised by heir biological parens, agree, I have feared having sexual rela-

ions unknowingly wih someone I am relaed o.

Donor offspring are more likely o have experienced divorce or.

muliple family ransiions in heir families of origin.

Te married heerosexual parens of he donor offspring are unusu-

ally likely o have divorced, wih percen of donor offspring reporing

ha heir parens divorced before he responden was age , compared

o percen of hose who were adoped and percen of hose raised by

heir biological parens. (Te comparison beween he parens of donor


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offspring and hose of he adoped is ap, because in boh cases he parens

would likely have urned o donor concepion or adopion laer in heir

marriages, when marriages on average are more sable.) See Figure . (p. )

Overall, percen of donor offspring experienced one or more

family ransiions beween heir birh and age , compared o percen

of he adoped, and percen of hose raised by heir biological parens.See Figure a. (p. )

Donor offspring are significanly more likely han hose raised.

by heir biological parens o sruggle wih serious, negaive

oucomes such as delinquency, subsance abuse, and depression,

even when conrolling for socio-economic and oher facors.

Donor offspring and hose who were adoped are wice as likely as

hose raised by biological parens o repor problems wih he law before

age .

Donor offspring are abou . imes more likely han hose raised

by heir biological parens o repor menal healh problems, wih he

adoped being closer o wice as likely as hose raised by biological parens

o repor he same hing.

Donor offspring are more han wice as likely as hose raised by

biological parens o repor subsance abuse problems (wih he adoped

falling beween he wo groups). See Figure . (p. )

Donor offspring born o heerosexual married couples, single.

mohers, or lesbian couples share many similariies.

In our survey, of he donor offspring repor hey were born

o heerosexual married couples, o single mohers, and o lesbian

couples.

While a firs glance he number of hose born o lesbian couples

migh seem raher small, his sudy is noable for having even respondenswho grew up wih his experience. Mos sudies of he offspring of lesbian

or gay parens are based on a smaller or similar number of respondens, and

hey ypically lack he comparison groups ha our survey offers. However,

we mus cauion ha due o he size of he sample of offspring of lesbian


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couples, mos repored findings relaed o ha paricular group can only

sugges differences or similariies, alhough where significan differences

emerge hey are noed.

All hree groups of donor offspring appear fairly similar in a number

of heir atiudes and experiences. For example, hey are all abou equally

likely o agree ha hey feel confused abou who is a member of heir familyand who is no, ha hey fear being atraced o or having sexual relaions

wih someone hey are unknowingly relaed o, ha hey worry heir

moher migh have lied o hem abou imporan maters, and ha hey

have worried abou huring heir mohers or ohers feelings if hey ried

o seek ou heir sperm donor biological faher. See able . (p. )

A he same ime, here appear o be noable differences beween.

donor offspring born o heerosexual married couples, single

mohers, and lesbian couples.

Overall, donor conceived persons born o single mohers seem o

be somewha more curious abou heir absen biological faher, and seem

o be huring somewha more, han hose born o couples, wheher hose

couples were heerosexual or lesbian.

Donor offspring born o single mohers are more likely han he

oher wo groups o agree, I find myself wondering wha my sperm donors

family is like. Mos ( percen) born o single mohers agree, comparedo wo-hirds of hose born o lesbian couples or married heerosexual

parens. Wih regard o My sperm donor is half of who I am, percen

of hose born o single mohers agree, compared o percen born o

lesbian couples and percen born o married heerosexual parens.

Regarding family ransiions, he single mohers by choice appear o

have a higher number of ransiions, alhough if he single moher married

or moved in wih someone, ha would coun as a leas one ransiion.

Sill, wih abou half ( percen) of he offspring of single mohers by

choice in our sample reporing one or more family ransiions beween

heir birh and age , is clear ha family change was no uncommon for

hem. See Figure b. (p. )

Donor offspring

born to single mot hers:


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Regarding roubling oucomes, even wih conrols, he offspring

of single mohers who used a sperm donor o conceive are almos .

imes as likely as hose raised by biological parens o repor problems

wih he law before age . Similarly, even wih conrols, he offspring of

single mohers who used a sperm donor o conceive are more han .

imes as likely as hose raise by biological parens o repor srugglingwih subsance abuse. See Figure . (p. )

Meanwhile, compared o hose born o single mohers or heerosexual

couples, hose born o lesbian couples seem overall o be somewha less

curious abou heir absen biological faher, and somewha less likely o

repor ha hey are huring. However, subsanial minoriies of hose born

o lesbian couples sill do repor disressing experiences and oucomes, for

example agreeing ha he circumsances of heir concepion boher hem,

ha i makes hem sad o see friends wih biological fahers and mohers,

and ha i bohers hem ha money was exchanged in heir concepion.

Nearly half ( percen) of he donor offspring born o lesbian couples

in our sudy agree heir sperm donor is half of who hey are, and more

han half ( percen) say hey someimes wonder if heir sperm donors

family would wan o know hem. Finally, more han one-hird of donor

offspring born o lesbian couples in our sudy agree i is wrong deliberaely

o conceive a faherless child. See able . (p. )

Regarding family ransiions, he donor conceived born o lesbian

mohers appear only slighly less likely o have had one or more familyransiions before age , compared o he donor conceived born o he-

erosexual married parens. See Figure b. (p. )

Regarding roubling oucomes, even wih conrols, he offspring of

lesbian couples who used a sperm donor o conceive appear more han

wice as likely as hose raised by heir biological parens o repor srug-

gling wih subsance abuse. See Figure . (p. )

Donor offspring broadly affirm a righ o know he ruh abou.

heir origins.

Depending on which quesion is asked, approximaely wo-hirds of

grown donor offspring suppor he righ of offspring o have non-idenifying

informaion abou he sperm donor biological faher, o know his ideniy,

Donor offspring

born to lesbian coupl es:


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o have he opporuniy o form some kind of relaionship wih him, o

know abou he exisence and number of half-siblings conceived wih

he same donor, o know he ideniy of half-siblings conceived wih he

same donor, and o have he opporuniy as children o form some kind

of relaionship wih half-siblings conceived wih he same donor.

In recen years Briain, Sweden, Norway, he Neherlands, Swizer-land, and some pars of Ausralia, and New Zealand have banned anony-

mous donaion of sperm and eggs. Croaia has recenly considered such

a law. In Canada, a class-acion sui has been launched seeking a similar

oucome. Tis sudy affirms ha a majoriy of donor offspring suppor

such legal reforms.

Abou half of donor offspring have concerns abou or serious.

objecions o donor concepion iself, even when parens ell

he children he ruh abou heir origins.

Of he donor conceived aduls we sudied, a sizeable porion

percen are fairly sanguine abou donor concepion iself, so long as

parens ell heir children he ruh. Bu anoher sizeable porion

percen sill have concerns abou donor concepion even if parens

ell he ruh. And a noiceable minoriy percen say ha donor

concepion is hard for he kids even if he parens handle i well. Tus

abou half of donor offspring abou percen have concerns abouor serious objecions o donor concepion isel, even when parens ell

heir children he ruh.

Openness alone does no appear o resolve he complex risks ha.

are associaed wih being conceived hrough sperm donaion.

In our sudy, hose donor offspring whose parens kep heir origins

a secre (leaving he donor offspring o find ou he ruh in an accidenal

or unplanned way) were subsanially more likely o repor depression or

oher menal healh issues ( percen), having sruggled wih subsance

abuse ( percen)or having had problems wih he law ( percen).

Tese differences are very large and sriking. See able (p. )

Sill, while hey fared beter han hose whose parens ried o keep

i a secre, hose donor offspring who say heir parens were always open


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wih hem abou heir origins (which are of he donor offspring in our

sudy) sill exhibi an elevaed risk of negaive oucomes. Compared o

hose raised by heir biological parens, he donor offspring whose parens

were always open wih hem are significanly more likely o have sruggled

wih subsance abuse issues ( percen, compared o percen raised by

heir biological parens) and o repor problems wih he law ( percen,compared o percen raised by heir biological parens).

While a majoriy of donor offspring suppor a righ o know.

he ruh abou heir origins, significan majoriies also sup-

por, a leas in he absrac, a srikingly liberarian approach

o reproducive echnologies in general.

Well over half ( percen) of donor offspring say hey favor he

pracice of donor concepion (compared o percen of adoped aduls

and percen raised by heir biological parens).

Te majoriy of donor offspring abou hree-quarers agree, I

hink every person has a righ o a child; Arificial reproducive echnolo-

gies are good for children because he children are waned; Our sociey

should encourage people o donae heir sperm or eggs o oher people

who wan hem; and Healh insurance plans and governmen policies

should make i easier for people o have babies wih donaed sperm or

eggs. Tese numbers are subsanially higher han hose from adopiveor biological paren families who agree wih he same saemens. More-

over, in a paricularly sarling finding, a majoriy of donor offspring (

percen) agree, Reproducive cloning should be offered o people who

don have any oher way o have a baby, compared o percen who are

adoped and percen raised by heir biological parens.

Aduls conceived hrough sperm donaion are far more likely.

han ohers o become sperm or egg donors or surrogaes

hemselves.

In anoher sarling finding, a full percen of donor offspring in

our sudy said ha, as aduls, they themselves had already donatedheir own

sperm or eggs or been a surrogae moher. Tas compared o percen


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of he adoped aduls and jus percen of hose raised by heir biological

parens an exraordinary difference.

Tose donor offspring who do no suppor he pracice of donor.

concepion are more han hree imes as likely o say hey do

no feel hey can express heir views in public.

We asked donor offspring wheher hey favor, oppose, or neiher

favor nor oppose he pracice of donor concepion. Of hose who favor

donor concepion, jus percen say hey do not feel hey can express heir

posiive views abou donor concepion in sociey a large. By conras,

of hose who oppose i, percen said hey do nofeel hey can express

hese negaive views abou donor concepion in sociey a large.

More han one-hird of donor offspring in he sudy ( percen),

compared o percen of adoped aduls and percen raised by heir

biological parens, agree, If I had a friend who waned o use a sperm

donor o have a baby, I would encourage her noo do i.

Donor concepion is no jus like adopion..

Adopion is a good, vial, and posiive insiuion ha finds parens

for children who need families. Tere are some similariies beween donor

concepion and adopion, bu our sudy reveals here are also many differ-

ences. And, if anyhing, he similariies beween he sruggles ha adoped

people and donor conceived people migh share should promp cauion

abou inenionally denying children he possibiliy of growing up wih

heir biological faher or moher, as happens in donor concepion.

odays grown donor offspring presen a sriking porrai of.

racial, ehnic, and religious diversiy.

A full one-fih percen of he donor offspring in our sample

said hey are Hispanic, compared o jus six percen of hose from adop-

ive families and seven percen of hose raised by biological parens. Te

donor offspring are also well represened among races in general. Many

of hem grew up wih Caholic, Proesan, or Jewish religious ideniies

and/or idenify wih hose radiions oday. Tis sriking diversiy helps

o illusrae he complexiy of heir experience and he realiy of heir

presence in every face of American life oday.


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No so long ago, a couple in he U.S. who was unable o ge

pregnan and who had reason o hink he husband was inferile

migh appeal o heir docor for help. If heir docor was he

sor who made i his business o help such couples, he migh

know of some medical sudens a a nearby universiy willing

o donae sperm, or, oen enough, he migh quiely provide his

own. Aer he inseminaion, he woman wen home insruced

o have inercourse wih her husband, preend any resuling baby

was enirely heirs, and never speak of ha docor visi again.

Tese days of relying only upon locally produced sperm are long

gone. oday, anyone wishing o have a baby and needing sperm, eggs, or awomb has a dizzying array of opions. Tey can include donor eggs, donor

sperm, using a radiional or gesaional surrogae, embryo donaion, or

some combinaion of hese. Te sperm, eggs, or wombs hey procure can

come from many differen pars of he world. Tey migh sill choose a

donor or surrogae who happens o live near hem. Bu more oen hey are

likely o go furher afield, and someimes much furher afield. Mos sperm

used in Canada comes from he Unied Saes. Mos sperm donaed in

Denmark goes o clinics around he world. Women in naions like Briain,

which now resrics he anonymiy of donors, oen go o Spain, EasernEurope, or Russia o procure he eggs hey need o ge pregnan.

Would-be parens around he world paricipae in feriliy our-

ism, going o oher naions o ge pregnan and secreing heir unborn

babies back home wih no one he wiser abou heir origins. A clinic in

California says i can barely keep up wih he demand from paiens

from France, Spain, Ausralia, and elsewhere who seek o ake advanage

of he lax regulaions hey find in California.Some naions, such as India

and Souh Africa, purposefully marke heir high qualiy, low cos feriliyservices and beauiful beaches o couples from Wesern naions who are

urged o come, relax, receive feriliy reamens, and go home pregnan,

all for a much lower cos han even one clinic visi back home. India is

now he desinaion of choice for couples seeking a low-cos surrogae

moher. Sraigh and gay couples from he U.S., Canada, Europe, Israel,

INTRODUC

TION


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and elsewhere can combine eggs and sperm (heir own or someone elses)

and have he resuling embryo carried by a village woman in India for a

fracion of he cos of, say, an American surrogae, and wih no risks of

emoional enanglemens as a huge added bonus.

oday, women in he U.S. shop for sperm donors in online caalogs

in much he same way hey migh shop for a dae hrough a machmakingservice or in much he same way hey migh buy a piece of furniure or

a car. Poenial mohers can compare donors heighs and weighs, ehnic

background and physical rais, educaional and professional accomplish-

mens, and even view his baby picures and lisen o an audio ape of him

expounding on he meaning of life and why sperm donaion appealed o

him. If is an egg hey need, he same women can show heir someimes

relucan husbands reams of glamour shos of gorgeous young women wih

improbably impressive educaional scores and ahleic accomplishmens,

even assuring heir husband, if necessary, ha he mysery womans DNA

is preferable o his wifes.

Beneah all his pulsing commerce, wih dollars and Euros flying

around he world, bringing forh babies deposied on doorseps like he

sork of old, for some a major sore poin is his: mos of i is done in secre.

While newly adopiveparens of children from abroad are now srongly

counseled o incorporae aspecs of heir childs home culure ino heir

family life, parens who ge heir sperm or eggs elsewhere wheher from

a sranger in he same ciy or someone halfway around he world quieoen do no ell he children ha heir biological moher or faher is any-

one oher han he paren raising hem. A growing proporion of odays

babies are global ciizens in ways previous generaions never dreamed,

ye hey won even know he ruh unless someone spills he beans.

Even he childs pediarician may no be old he ruh as he parens

simply, and grossly inaccuraely, repor heir own family medical hisories

as he childs.

Gay and lesbian couples and single persons who use such echnolo-gies doend o be more open wih heir children and wih oher imporan

players, including he childrens docors. (For one hing, he obvious

absence of eiher a faher or a moher raises he quesion of where he

child came from.) Tey migh also be more likely o acknowledge and


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even celebrae wha hey know of he childs varied ancesry. Bu in hese

families, oo, he children are almos never encouraged o acknowledge ha

he biological faher or moher far afield acually isheir faher or moher.

For mos gays, lesbians, and singles, and for he relaively small propor-

ion of heerosexual couples who are open wih heir donor-conceived

children, hese far away donors are insead he seed providers, or henice woman who gave me wha I needed o have you, or he Y Guy,

or any number of oher cuesy phrases inended mainly o communicae

ha despie he fac ha one-half of he childs physical being came from

his source, his person should neverheless be of very litle imporance,

if any, o he child.

In he U.S. oday we have some idea how many children are con-

ceived hrough egg donaion (abou , babies in ), bu while

he U.S. Ceners for Disease Conrol and Prevenion requires clinics o

repor pregnancies achieved hrough egg and embryo ransfers, i does

no require hem o repor hose resuling from sperm donaion. Expers

esimae ha perhaps , o , children are conceived in he Unied

Saes annually hrough sperm donaion, and ha currenly abou one

million Americans were conceived his way, bu hese are litle more han

educaed guesses. Te global picure is even more uncerain. Te feriliy

indusry is increasingly a cross-border phenomenon. No one knows how

many children are being conceived in one counry and born in anoher.

In he Unied Saes, he firs documened case of donor insemina-ion occurred in Philadelphia in he s, when a physician arificially

inseminaed an unconscious female paien, leaving her o hink ha her

pregnancy was he resul of inercourse wih her husband.I seems all oo

appropriae ha he firs case was veiled in such seep secrecy he ruh

hidden even from he moher because ha is how he pracice has been

reaed for mos of is hisory since. Donor conceived persons ypically

have noknown heir saus. Teir parens were encouraged o keep i a

secre from he child, so hey only knew he ruh when someone heirmoher or he man hey hough was heir faher, or heir grandmoher

or a family friend spilled he beans, oen in he mids of family conflic,

or divorce, or aer heir social fahers deah. (Social faher is a way of

referring o a man who funcions as a childs faher bu is no he biologi-


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cal faher.) Te small minoriy who did learn ha hey had a sperm donor

biological faher had litle if any hope of finding him, since records, if hey

were kep, were oen evenually los or desroyed. Generaions of donor

conceived persons have searched, usually in vain, hrough phoographs

in he year books of medical schools near he docors office where heir

moher was inseminaed, looking for a man who shares heir nose or eyesor hair, a man who migh be heir faher.

oday, wih increasing openness abou alernaive families and wih

he power of he inerne o bring people ogeher, ha secrecy is beginning

o li somewha. On he one hand, many parens sill keep he fac heir

child is donor conceived a secre from he child. For example, in surveys

mos women who use donor eggs do noplan o ell heir child he ruh.

(Egg donaion iself has only been possible since abou .) On he oher

hand, he ypes of families now increasingly likely o use donor sperm

end o be a leas somewha more open abou i. As reamens for male

inferiliy have improved o he exen ha few heerosexual couples will

need o use donor sperm, he bulk of he sperm bank business in he U.S.

and abroad is increasingly being aken up by single women and lesbian

couples, women who generally are no medically inferile bu who eiher

do no currenly have a suiable parner or do no wish o have sexual

relaions wih a man in order o have a child.

Ye here are new ensions oday. While single and lesbian women

end o be more open wih heir children abou having used a spermdonor (wheher or no hey acknowledge him o be he childs biological

faher), hey are also more likely o ge he sperm from increasingly far

flung locales, from across he counry and even around he world.For

odays donor conceived children, born in an era of big business sperm

banking, flipping forlornly hrough yearbooks a he medical school nex

o he hospial where hey were born is unlikely o yield much informaion

abou who heir faher is.

Many do no realize ha, a his poin, conceiving a baby wih do-nor sperm is an old-fashioned echnology. Donor concepion firs hi he

headlines in he middle of he las cenury. Producer Barry Sevens, in his

films Offspring andBio-Dad, documens he explosion of popular ineres

in England in he mid-s, when i came o ligh ha cerain docors


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were acquiring sperm, inseminaing women, and producing unknown

numbers of babies. A flurry of medical journal aricles, boh pro and con,

appeared. Te church denounced i. Eerie film fooage was produced,

showing a few nurses grappling wih scores of wriggling infans who looked

like hey had jus come off an assembly line. A popular movie released

in , sarring American singer Julie London, was iledA Quesion oAdulery. wo years laer, Simon and Schuser published a novel, called

Seed o Doubt, which oued iself as he explosive, shocking novel abou

arificial inseminaion.

oday, arificial inseminaion has gone mainsream, and ye mos

people are sill as ignoran of is effecs and implicaions as were people

fiy years ago. As a sociey, we barely sudied he children and never asked

how hey fared when hey grew up. We never asked wha would happen o

broader social atiudes abou faherhood and moherhood if donor con-

cepion became jus anoher way of making a baby. oday, were grappling

wih a decades-old echnology ha were only beginning o undersand,

a echnology coming of age in he conex of world-sweeping changes

in law, medicine, and culure.Tese changes are increasingly defining

parenhood, firs and foremos, around adul righs o children.

We designed his survey insrumen o learn more abou he ideniy,

kinship, well-being, and social jusice experiences of donor conceived

aduls. Te survey research firm Ab SRBI of New York Ciy fielded our

survey hrough Survey Sampling Inernaional (SSI). SSI used a web-basedpanel ha includes more han a million households across he Unied

Saes.Trough his mehod we were able o assemble a represenaive

sample of aduls beween he ages of and years old who said

hey were donor conceived.Trough he same mehod we assembled

and surveyed a comparison group of similar-aged persons who were

adoped as infans, and a group of people of he same age who were

raised by heir biological parens.

Te sudy is noable for several reasons. Te firs is he unpre-cedened, large sample. Te second is our abiliy o compare he experi-

ence of donor conceived persons wih ha of people who were no donor

conceived boh hose who were adoped and hose who were raised

by heir biological parens. Wha is especially noable, however, is ha


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he sudy employs a represenaive sample drawn from over one million

households. Tese donor conceived aduls were simply among a million-

plus American households ha had signed up o receive web surveys on,

well, anyhing, and who are mosly argeed by markeers. Tey were no

people who responded o an adverisemen abou a sudy or who were

found hrough an acivis online message board people who, criics couldargue, migh have an axe o grind on his opic. Nor were hey he young

children of parens who agreed o alk abou heir children, a mehodol-

ogy ha has meri bu does no really allow donor offspring o speak for

hemselves. While like all sudies our survey mehod has is limiaions ,

and like any single sudy i is no definiive, i does presen for he firs

ime, for he world o see, profound insighs ino he lives and feelings of

donor conceived aduls.

Te ile of his repor is drawn from a -shir and bib markeed for

parens o purchase for heir sperm donor-conceived children. Around

he web, one can find picures of young children wearing iems ha read,

My Daddys Name is Donor. Te designer has said ha percen of

aduls hink is a rio.We wonder wha he childrenwearing he -shir

migh feel as hey grow up. Wha do odays young people conceived wih

donor sperm hink abou heir experiences? Tis repor is our atemp o

respond, as bes as we can, o ha quesion.


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Why migh a child like McKay make a Daddy Box? If McKay

could ariculae his feelings, he migh say somehing like his

o his donor/dad: I wan o share who I am wih you, because

you are half of me. Te majoriy of donor conceived aduls in

our survey a full percen agree ha My sperm donor

is half of who I am.

Donor conceived persons ariculae his hough over and over. A

young woman in Pennsylvania says she wans o mee her donor because

she wans o know wha half of me is, where half of me comes from.

Anoher in Briain says, I wan o mee he donor because I wan o know

he oher half of where Im from.Lindsay Greenawal in Ohio is seeking

any informaion she can find abou her sperm donor. She says, I feel myrigh o know who I am and where I come from has been aken away from

me.Olivia Praten, a Canadian donor offspring who recenly launched a

class-acion law sui in Briish Columbia, has said in inerviews: I hink of

myself as a puzzle; he only picure I have ever known is half-complee.

She clarifies: Im no looking for a dad. Raher, I have quesions abou

who I am and why I do wha I do.

Danielle Heah of Ausralia found ou when she was years old

ha she was donor conceived. She refleced: I fel like here was a piece

missing. I would complee me o know who I am like. om Ellis ofBriain old a reporer how he fel aer submiting a cheek swab wih

his DNA o he UK Donor Link regisry: I was a huge decision for me

o make because i mean admiting ha he sranger who helped bring

me ino he world and who may never wan o mee or know me is

imporan o me. Bu he is a par of me and wihou him, I will never feel

compleely whole.

Even mohers who use a sperm donor o ge pregnan wonder abou

his issue. One moher of a nine year old son conceived hrough donorinseminaion old US News and World Repor, Every ime I look a him

I can help bu wonder who else he is.

Many donor conceived aduls worry abou he consequences of

rying o fulfill hese longings. More han half ( percen) agree ha

THEDADDYBOX

A ew monhs ago, Simone Braque,

, o Sugar Land, exas, and imGullicksen, , o San Francisco, ound

each other on the Internet. Braquet was

searching or he sperm donor whod

allowed her to become a single mom

years earlier. Gullicksen, an anonymous

donor intrigued by his own amily tree,

was looking or his kids. First there

were e-mails and phone calls. hen,

in March, Gullicksen lew o exas

o mee Braque and he child hey

created: a boy with bluish-green eyes

and sandy brown hair named McKay.

When Braque old her son ha she

had tracked down his donor dad, he

lit up, she says, then burst into tears.

For years, McKay had kept a Daddy

Box under his bed i lled with special

handmade iemsa pained rock,

an angel ornamen wih his phoo ini. Finally, jus weeks beore his h

birthday, he had someone to give it to.

Ive always waned a dad, he says.

Newsweek, June


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I have worried ha if I ry o ge more informaion abou or have

a relaionship wih my sperm donor, my moher and/or he faher

who raised me would feel angry or hur.

Ohers express discomfor wih heir origins. Fory-five percen

agree ha Te circumsances of my concepion boher me.When

we asked how oen hey hink abou donor concepion, more han one-quarer of hose in our survey say hey do so a leas once or more a day,

and almos half say hey hink abou donor concepion a leas a few imes

a week or more oen.

Some donor offspring feel isolaed and disurbingly unusual,

conceived in a way ha is jus, well, no normal, and no undersood by

anyone around hem. Briish donor offspring Chrisine Whipp ells of

finding ou, a age , aer a lifeime of painful emoional umul and

powerful feelings of being rejeced by her moher, ha her moher had

used a sperm donor o ge pregnan wih her:

My ancesral home was a glass sample jar, and my [biological]

parens never knew one anoher in eiher he personal or he bibli-

cal sense. I couldn name a single person who shared his srange,

science-ficion syle background, and found myself feeling more

alone and compleely separae from he res of he human race han

I had ever fel before.

When Adam Rose found ou he ruh abou his origins, he says, I

fel like a freak, because no one else in my percepion had been conceived

in ha way and i was somehing ha nobody had heard of. I was very

shocking.Anoher donor offspring repors she has long sruggled wih

feelings of shame for being conceived in such an unusual way.

Karina Clark, hen barely weny years old, old her own sory in

a Washington Postessay. She was born o a single moher who was always

open wih Karina abou he facs of her concepion. She had a close,

loving relaionship wih her moher. Sill, as she go older and began o

wresle wih ideniy issues, she looked around a friends who had boh

heir parens. Ta was when he empiness came over me. I realized haI am, in a sense, a freak. I really, ruly would never have a dad. I finally

undersood wha i mean o be donor-conceived, and I haed i.

Lindsay Greenawals moher, who had her as a single mom, also

informed her abou he ruh of her origins. A he same ime, Lindsay


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recalls, her moher never really raised he subjec again or encouraged

discussion abou i. As a eenager, Lindsay wries, she came o feel ha:

Te wors par of his was ha I became very shameful of how I

was conceived and wished ha I was normal in he sense ha I

came o be from sex raher han a procedure in a docors office.

Te hough of being conceived from a one nigh sand was moreappealing han being conceived by DI [donor inseminaion]. My

moher never me my faher, never alked o him, le alone shared

an inimae relaionship of any kind wih him! Tis lack of conac is

simply unnaural. Even hough I had never been really old anyhing

abou DI or ha here are many oher children born of his each

year, I acquired hese beliefs early on. I also unforunaely hough

of myself as a freak of naure unil I was years old.

weny-hree-year old Alanarepors wha happened he firs ime

she ried o confide in a friend: In junior high I old my bes friend abou

my concepion, she said. Ten we had a figh. She old he enire school

ha I was a es ube baby, essenially a freak of science. She adds, I

would like more Donor Kid sories o be publicized and shared wihou

he freak connoaion.

We asked donor conceived persons he quesions A age , wha

feelings bes describe how you fel abou being donor conceived? and

A he age you are now, how do you feel abou being a donor conceived

person? (Te firs quesion was asked only of hose who knew a age

ha hey were donor conceived.) Each quesion offered a lis of posiive,negaive, and neural erms; respondens could selec as many as hey

wished. A age , en percen chose he powerfully negaive erm freak of

naure and percen chose he equally disurbing phrase lab experimen.

Te fac ha money was involved in heir concepion seems espe-

cially o disurb some donor offspring. In our survey, percen agree

ha I bohers me ha money was exchanged in order o conceive

me. Chrisine Whipp wries: My exisence owed almos nohing o

he serendipious naure of normal human reproducion, where babies

are he naural progression of muually fulfilling adul relaionships, bu

raher represened a verbal conrac, a financial ransacion and a cold,

clinical harnessing of medical echnology.She coninues, Te rouine

manipulaion of human gamees has allowed he very essence of life o


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be exploied, commercialized, demeaned and debased. Te previously

unseen human embryo is now a collecable, valuable resource.

Lindsay Greenawal concurs: Children are being creaed wihou

any hough ha a human being is involved in his. I is simply a business

ransacion beween our parens, he docor, and he anonymous donor,

wih no regard o he child. She goes on:I is no simply a donaion ha hese generous men have aken he

ime o give. No only are hey being paid for his so-called donaion,

which seems o me o be an oxymoron in he firs place. []his is

no jus any blood donaion or organ donaion; hese men who donae

sperm (and women who donae ova) are producing children which will,

before heyre even conceived, be denied he righ o know who hey are.

Sina, a year old law suden in Cologne, Germany, says ha

shes someimes relucan o share he ruh abou her origins wih new

acquainances. She is always a bi afraid ha my person will be regardedas sained because of my concepion, as my parens had o pay my geneic

faher, an alien person o hem, for creaing me.

For some donor offspring, heir deep discomfor abou heir

origins appears o lie, a leas in par, in heir feeling of being a produc

made o sui heir parens wishes of being made, no born.

Lynne Spencer is a nurse and donor conceived adul who inerviewed

eigh oher adul donor offspring for a masers hesis.She wries of

finding ou, as an adul, ha her married parens had conceived her wih

donor sperm. Te profound quesion wih which she sruggled was his:

If my life is for oher peoples purposes, and no my own, hen wha is he

purpose of my life?In a laer exchange she expanded on his hough:

I hink one of he mos unusual aspecs of being a donor offspring

is he feeling of being inanimae, or ha I didn exis in par. Te

whole sense ha I don mater, who I am doesn mater and needs

o be repressed. Is only wha I represen ha matersha I am

someones child, bu Im no a person in my own righ.

Anoher paricipan in Lynne Spencers sudy said his:

I had always been very scared of dying, because I couldn really

come o erms wih my nonexisence in he world. I hink par of ha

was o do wih he fac ha in some sense I didn feel like I exised

in he world, because I didn know where half of me originaed

from. I was almos like ha par of me had been seriously denied


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because of he secrecy. Nobody had spoken abou i for me. [I]

s almos like I had come ino he world by magic.

Several years ago, a hen- year old Japanese woman whose moher

used donor inseminaion o conceive her old a reporer ha she sruggles

wih his overwhelming feeling: I feel ha I came ino his world for he

sake of my moher. Aer she died, I sared wondering if I had a reasono exis anymore.

Chrisine Whipp repors ha she has long fel ha having

bough and paid for memy moher view[ed] me more as her personal

propery [raher] han seeing my exisence as a serendipious piece of

good forune.

Some donor offspring, even hose who have been old he ruh

abou heir origins, neverheless sruggle wih wild uncerainies abou

where hey came from. One eenage girl, a -year-old daugher of a lesbian

couple, wroe o an advice columnis:

I am a -year-old daugher of a lesbian couple. I don know

my faher, his name, heriage, or anyhing. I can only remember one

ime he opic of my faher really came up in conversaion. I was

eigh years old and I denied any ineres in knowing abou him. I

was worried ha my parens would hink ha I am ungraeful for all

ha hey have done for me or ha hey would ge he misconcep-

ion ha I hough hey screwed me up.

So my faher has never been discussed. As a kid, I figured I was

a es ube baby (as if I undersood wha i mean), bu now I haveno clue. Tis induces a swell of paranoia abou why is his such a

big secre. For a while I was even considering he possibiliy ha

my Mom may have been raped.

I hough abou asking my older siblings who were eenagers

when I was born, or asking one of my auns, bu I don wan o

drag hem ino his. Besides, I am no sure if hey could or would

give me he informaion I seek. Maybe my family hinks as I

do ha he silence has been around so long ha i is jus easier

o avoid alking abou i.


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Joanna Rose is a donor conceived adul born in he U.K. and

now living in Ausralia, where she recenly compleed a Ph.D.

disseraion on he ehics, kinship, and ideniy issues raised

by donor concepion. She launched and won he High Cour

case ha led o a ban on anonymous sperm and egg donaion in

Briain. Born aer her moher conceived her wih anonymous

donor sperm, she was raised wih her moher, social faher, and

full or half broher (hey may have differen donor fahers). Jo-

anna learned he ruh of her origins when she was abou seven

or eigh years old, aer finding her faher upse and pressing

him o find ou wha was wrong. She feels ha he secre herparens had ried o keep and he fac ha her moher had

biological connecions o boh children, while her faher did

no were huge srains on her parens marriage. Her parens

separaed when she was abou en years old.

For Joanna, one painful irony is ha despie her sriking success a

he naional level she sill does no know who her own biological faher

is. She was given a ip ha he migh be a cerain docor. Bu aer wri-ing o him wice, seeking informaion on her medical hisory and ehnic

background, and hoping for any sense of closure he migh be able o give

her, all she has received from him are legal hreas and disregard. If he

is her faher she feels doubly abandoned by him, he firs ime when he

walked away from a child he conceived when he gave away his sperm,

and he second ime when he rejeced her when she was grown. She sill

would like o know whaever she can abou her biological faher, whoever

he may be. Anyhing is beter, she says, han he paernal oblivion I amle wih now.

Joanna is a founding member of he group angled Webs, which

calls iself an acion group challenging Donor Concepion pracices in

he U.K., Ausralia, and inernaionally. Tey seek o provide an alerna-

TANGLEDWEBS


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ive voice o ARs hrough greaer recogniion of he complex, lifelong

issues ha affec he person creaed hrough Donor Concepion. angled

Webs is heir erm for he inergeneraional consequences moral,

social, and legal o which donor concepion gives rise. When i comes

o hose inergeneraional consequences, our sudy is revealing.

In our sudy, he majoriy of donor conceived aduls express longings

o know more abou heir sperm donor biological faher andhis family.

Well over wo-hirds of adul donor offspring a full percen agree

ha I find myself wondering wha my sperm donors family is like.

Similarly, percen agree ha I someimes wonder if my sperm do-

nors parens would wan o know me.

Donor offspring express significan pain over he loss of heir bio-

logical faher, significanly more even when compared o hose who are

adoped. In a sriking difference, nearly half of he donor offspring (

percen) compared o abou a fih of adoped aduls ( percen), agree

ha When I see friends wih heir biological fahers and mohers,

i makes me feel sad.Similarly, more han half of he donor offspring

( percen, compared o percen of he adoped aduls), agree ha It

hurs when I hear oher people alk abou heir genealogical back-

ground.Boh groups he donor conceived and he adoped may

no know abou and did no grow up wih one or boh biological parens

and hose parens families, bu he donor offspring overall express a greadeal more pain, sadness, and confusion abou his loss.

Te heme of looking for my faher everywhere is a recurring one

among donor offspring. Some have been old a few deails abou heir

biological faher maybe his heigh and he color of his hair and eyes.

Tey say hese few, shadowy deails are oen on heir minds when heyre

ou in public, walking down he sree, riding a bus, scanning a crowd.

Could ha be him? hey ask hemselves. In our survey, percen agree

ha When I see someone who resembles me I ofen wonder i we are

relaed. ( percen of adoped aduls and percen of hose raised by

heir biological parens agree as well.)

TeNew York imesinerviewed wo eenage donor offspring

who had jus discovered ha hey are half-siblings. One hing he wo

Loss of Biological

Father and His Family


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girls quickly realized was ha hey had boh, all heir lives, been

looking for he same man in a crowd:

Danielle and JoEllen realized ha hey boh run hrough

he brief crieria hey know abou heir sperm donor he

is fee all, pounds wih blond hair and blue eyes

when hey see male srangers. Ill always run hrough mymind wheher he mees he crieria o be my dad or no,

said JoEllen, of Russel, Pa. She said he same hing hap-

pens o her.

Donor offspring speak of he anxiey hey feel as hey scan

all hose anonymous faces. Narelle Grech of Ausralia wroe,

How would you feel knowing ha you could be walking pas

your own faher or any seven of your own [half ] brohers or

sisers, and no know i?Olivia Praten of Canada says: I can

help i. Is always on my mind. Do I see him on he bus? Is hemy professor?In our survey, one donor conceived adul wroe

simply his: Someimes I wonder i my aher is sanding righ in

on o me.

For some observers, an answer o he concerns of donor

offspring is found in online regisries. Te same inerne ech-

nology ha fuels a global rade in sperm and eggs is also being

employed o ry and kni ogeher a leas some of he fragmens

of biological families ha are now scatered around he U.S. and

he globe. A growing number of web-based regisries in he U.S.

and oher naions can be used by donor conceived offspring, or

heir parens, o ry o locae oher half-siblings conceived wih

he same donor and even, someimes, o find heir sperm donor

biological faher or egg donor biological moher. Bu hey are

volunary. An offspring is only going o find someone on hem if

he or she has heard abou he same regisry and signed up, wishing

o be found. I does happen, and half-siblings are found a litlemore oen, bu for mos donor conceived persons, finding heir

sperm donor dad is sill a very long sho.

Te mos well-known regisry in he U.S. is he Donor

Sibling Regisry, founded by a dynamic leader named Wendy

Registries


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Kramer. Kramer used donor inseminaion o conceive her now-grown

son, Ryan, and was firs moivaed o urn o he inerne o ry and find

his sperm donor faher and half-siblings when he expressed a srong desire

o know more abou where he came from. Before long she had launched

a service ha has made more han , maches beween half-siblings,

or beween children and heir biological parens. (Te number is alwaysrising and will likely be sill higher by he ime his repor appears.)

Wendy and Ryan Kramer and he Donor Sibling Regisry are rou-

inely feaured in he major media and have drawn a lo of sorely-needed

atenion o he needs of donor conceived children and aduls o know

where hey come from. Kramer is now an acive leader in effors o urge

he U.S. sperm and egg bank indusry o begin offering an indusry-backed

regisry service. (She wans he regisry o be mandaory; he indusry

wans i o be volunary.)

Tere are oher regisries oo. A sampling includes he sibling regisry

service of California, Cryobank, a volunary program where cliens can

regiser he birh of heir children and hen conac poenial siblings.

Te group Single Mohers By Choice founded a sibling regisry aer

several mohers in our organizaion coincidenally learned ha hey had

used he same [sperm] donor and ha heir children were half-siblings.

In Briain, UK Donor Link is a pilo program funded by he Deparmen of

Healh wih a mandae o encourage more donors, donor conceived aduls

and heir geneically relaed half-siblings o regiser wih hem and havehe chance o make conac wih each oher.A similar governmen-run

service was sared in New Zealand in . A donor conceived woman in

Germany is seeking o esablish a regisry here. As demand grows, more

regisries are likely o appear.

Bu if you are a ypical donor conceived person in he U.S. mean-

ing your parens used an anonymous donor i is quie unlikely you will

find your biological faher hrough a regisry. Firs, he man chose o be

an anonymous donor, no a known donor, which means ha a he imehe donaed he probably did no wan o be found. (Alhough is rue ha

many sperm donors migh no have known abou he possibiliy of being,

or would no have had he opion o be, a known donor.) Tere is a chance

ha he donors views have evolved since ha ime and ha hes now curi-

ous o know abou he children ha he migh have fahered. If so, he has


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o know ha regisries exis. Ten he has o sign up on one. Is helpful if

he eners he correc donor number he was given by he clinic when he

donaed. A he same ime, you, he donor offspring, or your moher, have

o sign up on he same regisry. Is helpful if you or your moher can also

ener he correc donor number. Is also helpful if he clinic kep decen

records and managed o give he same donor number informaion boho your moher and he donor. Finally, if a mach is made, you have o

hope your sperm donor faher hasn already been conneced wih, say,

a dozen or more oher offspring and has sared o feel overwhelmed by

all hese DNA ess and emoional emails and meeings. Going back o

square one, whas far more likely han his scenario is ha, insead, he

young man who donaed sperm when he was in college or medical school,

he cash from which he used o pay for groceries ha monh or buy books

for nex erm, hasn given much hough o wheher children resuled. He

finished school, go a job, me someone, married, and had (more) kids.

Even if he does speculae wih curiosiy abou hose donaions from long

ago he probably doesn wan o sign up on he inerne and risk some

kid asking him for money (which is no wha donor offspring do, bu

men fear i anyway), or geting his wife upse, or geting angled up in

he family business of people he doesn even know. Mos likely, if youre

a donor offspring hoping o find your biological faher on a regisry, ha

disan realm of kinda-curious-bu-no-gonna-do-anyhing-abou-i is

he land ha he inhabis.For mos donor conceived children oday, and for he vas majoriy

now grown, he Daddy Box hey keep under heir bed will coninue o

be filled wih memenos and memories hey someimes desperaely wan

o share wih a faher hey will never ever know.

Some families have a lo of kids, and some men faher children

wih several differen women. For hese reasons, people who have been

adoped or whose fahers have abandoned heir families migh well havelegiimae concerns ha hey have full or half siblings, somewhere ou

here, whom hey do no know. Bu hey could sil l be almos cerain ha

hey migh have, a he mos, perhaps a dozen unknown siblings, bu mos

likely far fewer han ha.

Extreme Families


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oday, wih he adven of big business sperm banking, one man can

donae his sperm many imes and poenially conceive many, many

children. Since a lo of women seem o have a cerain ype of donor faher

in mind (all, blue-eyed, blonde; smar, sensiive, ahleic), sperm banks

ypically have some high demand donors ha women choose over and

over, eager o make him he biological faher of heir child. His samples aredivided ino vials and sold o women all over he counry. When would-

be mohers find o heir dismay ha his sperm is gone, hey someimes

pos queries on message boards read by oher donor inseminaion moms,

seeking any unused vials ha can be bough on he open marke. Wendy

Kramer repors ha on he Donor Sibling Regisry a leas one sperm

donor is confirmed o have more han children, and repors of one

donor fahering dozens or even over a hundred offspring are widespread

in he U.S. and abroad.

All of which means ha, oday, donor offspring no only grapple

wih he loss of heir biological faher and his whole family; ha is, wih

he loss of an enire half of heir heriage. Tey also sruggle wih he

asounding implicaions of wha happens when reproducion is fully

disconneced from sex, when social mores ha seek, as much as possible,

o resric men o reproducing wih one, or a leas no more han a few,

women are hrown ou and anyhing goes. When young people oday

discover ha hey are conceived wih a sperm donor, sooner or laer hey

begin o sruggle wih he dawning awareness ha hey migh well havea half-dozen, or a dozen, or scores, or hundreds, of half-siblings all over

he place. Teir brohers and sisers migh live on he oher side of he

counry or he oher side of he world. Tey migh live in he same own.

Tey migh live nex door. Tey have no idea.

Joanna Rose learned ha he Briish sperm bank from which she

was likely conceived had a small number of donors who gave heir samples

unold numbers of imes. Te docor who ran he small clinic laer esimaed

ha each man could have beween and offspring.

Asked howshe fel when she found ha ou, Joanna replied: Dizzy. Jus dizzy wih

jus dizzy in so many ways, like [how] could hey do ha o me, ha

here could be ha lack of hough, ha hey could be so reckless.

Nearly all donor offspring are le wih guesswork and back-of-he-


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envelope calculaions as hey ry o figure ou how many brohers or sisers

hey have. A a Canadian conference in , wo donor offspring shared

heir hinking. Shelley Kreuz old he group: We did he mah: if half

he ime a pregnancy resuls, donaing once a week for years, has he

possibiliy of birhs, assuming half he ime i worked. Olivia Praten

added: I could be less and i could be more, bu has an example. Righnow, he sysem can operae wihou being accounable o anyone.

Te resul is ha donor offspring are le o grieve losses hey

canno even fully grasp or imagine. As Narelle Grech pu i: I always

waned a broher, and las year I found ou I have hree! I cried he day I

found ou, because I was so happy and I also cried because he realiy is I

may never ge o mee or know any of hem. Is like hey were born and

died in my mind all a once.

She laer learned ha she has seven half-siblings. She wries: Te

clinics and he professor who helped in my creaion and mums reamen

deliberaely legislaed so ha I could never know any of hem. How

is his fair? None of us kids agreed o his anonymiy business and if I

could mee all seven of hem I would. I would mean he world o me.

Tese sories of grief and anger sand in marked conras o he domi-

nan media presenaion of wha one mom who used donor inseminaion

calls exreme families. If youve read anyhing a all in he newspaper

abou donor offspring, mos likely i was one of a spae of news sories

abou moms who used he same sperm donor geting heir babies, od-dlers, and weens ogeher for picnics a which he kids play, he moms

snap los of picures, and reporers descend for fascinaing human iner-

es sories abou odays diverse families. Los of umbling oddlers who

vaguely resemble one anoher, smiling broadly for he camera, makes a

grea sory for he newspaper, bu i doesn begin o describe he realiies

hese children face as hey grow up.

In fac, a no insignifican number of donor offspring are profoundly

confused abou somehing he res of us hink is prety simple: who heiramilies are. In our survey, percen of donor offspring, compared o

only percen of adoped persons and jus six percen of hose raised

by heir biological parens, agree ha I feel confused abou who is a

member of my family and who is no a nearly hree-fold difference


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beween he donor conceived and he adoped.A he end of our survey,

one responden commened, I am sill having problems puting my real

amily ogeher.

Te concerns of donor offspring do no jus lie wih purely emoional

maters abou ideniy and kinship, as profoundly imporan as hoseconcerns are. Tey also have urgen, genuine medical concerns. Tey fear

unknowingly daing one of heir half-siblings or hey fear heir fuure

children unknowingly daing he children of one of heir half-siblings.

Tis concern is no a all unreasonable. Some donors have very

large numbers of offspring. And would-be mohers from paricular sub-

groups end o favor cerain kinds of donors. For example, if an atracive,

well-educaed sperm donor also happens o menion in his applicaion

ha he has a lesbian siser and wans o help lesbian moms, is likely ha

lesbian moms will find his profile of ineres and consider buying a vial

of his sperm. Add ha ogeher wih he fac ha lesbian and gay parens

end o concenrae in lesbian and gay- friendly ciies and neighborhoods

and, bingo, your lesbian friend a work migh well be he mom of your

daughers half-broher. Te same social nework argumen can be made

abou he independen, alernaive-life syle embracing women who migh

op for being a single mom by choice and who move in circles wih oher

like-minded mohers. Meanwhile, alhough many sperm banks now serve

a naional and even global clienele, some can sill have srong relaionshipswih surrounding medical ceners and he communiy, and hus significan

numbers of children who are similar in age and conceived wih he same

sperm donor migh live in proximiy o one anoher. Message boards are

full of hese kinds of sories. Recenly one single moher by choice dis-

covered ha her neighbor, wih similar aged children, had used he same

sperm donor in oher words, ha her childrens half-siblings lierally

lived down he block. Teir children were oddlers bu soon hey will be

eens who migh well find he girl or boy down he sree atracive.Donor offspring acivis Narelle Grech asks, In he fuure, will

we all have o have a DNA es when we sar daing someone, jus in

case? As if o echo her quesion, on he Donor Sibling Regisry a mom

who used a sperm donor and is unable o locae her childs half-siblings

Incest Fears a nd Lack

of Medical History


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opimisically concluded ha in he fuure her son, who is currenly sill

a baby, will simply have o have geneic esing wih any girl he seriously

considers having sex wih.

In our survey, in he quesions ha asked abou he feelings of

donor offspring a age and abou currenly being a donor offspring,

percen of hem said ha a age hey were afraid abou no knowingmy medical hisory and percen said ha even a ha age hey were

worried abou my fuure childrens healh or feelings. (A he age hey

are now, and percen agreed wih each of hese senimens.) Also,

percen of donor offspring, bu only percen of adoped aduls and

jus percen of hose raised by heir biological parens, agree, When

Im romanically atraced o someone I have worried ha we could

be unknowingly related.Similarly, percen of adul donor offspring,

and jus percen of adoped aduls and percen of hose raised by

heir biological parens, agree, I have feared having sexual relaions

unknowingly wih someone I am relaed o.A fear ha mos people

raised by heir biological parens have never even considered and basically

canno fahom is much on he minds of many donor offspring, far more

so even compared o he adoped.

Okay, fine, a reader migh respond, bu has i ever happened ha

is, has anyone ever accidenally had sex wih heir broher or siser? Well,

yes. Las year in Briain a sory came o ligh of wins, male and female,

separaed a birh and adoped by differen families. Tey me, fell in love,and married and only hen learned hey were broher and siser.

Having he sae say ha you have no righ o your medical hisory.

Feeling atraced o people you are unknowingly relaed o.Realizing ha

you have accidenally commited inces wih your half-broher or siser.

Waching your own children enering he daing marke and, wih even

more repidaion han he average paren feels, worrying ha hey migh

unknowingly dae a cousin. Tese are he worries and fears of adul donor

offspring oday. And yes, all o ican happen.And, is only going o ge more confusing. One of he mos sarling

findings of our sudy is his: Among our respondens, a ull percen

o donor offspring said ha, as aduls, hey hemselves had already donaed

heir own sperm or eggs or been a surrogae moher.Tas compared o less


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han ne percen of he adoped aduls in our survey and one percen of

hose raised by heir biological parens an exraordinary difference.Te

donor offspring are also much more likely han hose raised by adoped

or biological parens o consider becoming donors. More han half

percen of donor offspring, compared o percen of adoped

aduls and percen raised by heir biological parens, said hey wouldconsider doing i.

Wha does all his mean? Say you are a donor offspring in ,

searching for your biological faher or moher. If you even find him or

her, heres a surprisingly good chance ha he or she, oo, was a donor

offspring. You migh have found your biological faher or moher, bu

ha paren in urn has no ideawhere he or she came om. Ta paren oo is

missing a biological faher or moher and lacking a relaionship wih or

informaion abou ha whole side of heir family. Te fragmened families

we see oday are geting broken ino smaller and smaller pieces. By ,

he child looking for shards of family hisory could find only spliners.


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In he survey we included hree quesions ha seek o measure

social and psychological oucomes for he donor offspring.

While hese hree quesions are raher blun measures, hey

reveal far more han has ever been known abou he menal

healh and well-being of adul donor offspring and he find-

ings are especially illuminaing because we are able o compare

hem o hose who were no donor conceived.

Our firs quesion was A any ime before age , were you ever

in trouble with the law? A full percen of donor offspring more han

one in five said yes, compared o percen of hose who were adoped

and percen of hose raised by biological parens. (please see able )

Our nex quesion was Have you ever elt unable to control youruse of alcohol or oher subsances? Again, more han one in five

percen of he donor offspring say yes. Tis compares o percen of

adoped aduls and percen of hose raised by biological parens.

And finally we asked, Have you ever been prescribed medica-

ion for depression or oher menal healh problems? In his case,

hose from adopive families are he mos likely o agree, wih percen

of hem saying hey have been prescribed medicaion for his reason. By

comparison, percen of he donor conceived aduls say hey had, and

percen of hose raised by heir biological parens say he same hing.

For a look a hese oucomes wih significance ess and wih con-

rols for age, gender, race, subjecive family income a age , and mohers

educaion, see he odds raios in Figure (p. ). Figure makes clear

ha he donor conceived and he adoped are boh significanly more

likely han hose raised by heir biological parens o sruggle wih hese

derimenal oucomes, even when conrolling for socio-economic saus

and oher facors. Te donor conceived and he adoped are wice as

likely as hose raised by biological parens o repor problems wih helaw. Te donor conceived are more han wice as likely as hose raised by

biological parens o repor subsance abuse problems (wih he adoped

falling beween he wo groups). And he donor conceived are abou .

imes as likely as hose raised by heir biological parens o repor menal

HOWDODONOR

OFFSPRINGFARE?

Mental Health , Addiction,

and Delinquency


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healh problems (wih he adoped being closer o wice as likely as hose

raised by biological parens o repor he same hing).

In he open-ended responses o our survey, some donor offspring

offered commens ha illusraed some of hese findings:

Ive never even hough abou his beore I ook his survey, bu yes I

say depressed a lo, and would like o know more abou my donors amilyhealh.

I still have issues with this problem and am seeking proessional help. It

has helped me o become a sronger person bu has scared me emoionally.

And:

I CU MY SELF

Ohers shared commens ha refleced he sensiiviy of his subjec

for hem and heir someimes difficul journeys as hey have sough o

make sense of i and ry o come o a beter place:

I was uncomorable wih he ac ha I was conceived his way a

firs. Bu hrough he suppor o my amily and he posiive environmen hey

provided, I urned ou fine.

Tis is a very sensiive subjec or me, doing his survey el like

herapy!

I hink everyhing was covered. I don eel like i is a big issue or me

anymore because Im an adul wih a amily o my own.

Is wha you choose o make o i.

And one spoke of her recen revelaion:I did no know unil weeks ago ha any o his had happened. I los a

baby in my thmonth and my mother inadvertently told me o their conception

problems. Tis survey was acually a litle spooky.

Our sudy also reveals significan experiences of social isolaion

among donor offspring. When asked Do you know oher people who

were conceived with use o a sperm donor? many percen say no.

When asked How do you feel alking o non-family members abouthe act that you were conceived with a sperm donor? abou one-hird

( percen) do say hey are very comforable, bu nearly anoher hird

( percen) say hey are only somewha comforable. Te res say hey

are uncomforable alking o non-family members abou heir origins or

Social Isolation


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don do i a all. Along wih hose who are adoped, he donor offspring

are more likely o agree, I have experienced many losses in my life

wih abou one-hird of donor offspring and he adoped srongly agreeing

wih his saemen, compared o one-fih of hose raised by heir bio-

logical parens.Overall, i is probably no surprising ha so many donor

offspring agree ha I don feel ha anyone really undersands me.weny-five percen agree srongly, compared o percen of adoped

and nine percen of hose raised by biological parens.

Some of he responses make i clear ha his survey was one of he

few if no he only ime hese young people had been asked quesions

abou heir experience. Some donor offspring seemed o find he survey

opic painful, and some seemed angry:

Tis survey made me eel sad and I am crying as I am typing this comment.

I would like o know oher people ha have been conceived by a sperm

donaion and le hem know ha heyre no alone.

Tis is the first time I have had anyone ask me questions o such personal

mater, bu I am O.K. wih i.

Yes, I thought this was very personal and it hurt a lot to give the inormation out.

Tis was a very personal and emotional survey. What could you possibly

ge om his ype [o survey]?

Ohers seemed relieved ha someone had shown an ineres, and

hey were eager o learn he resuls.

Wow, I am jus blown away wih his experience. I am pleased o havebeen a par o his sudy. Tis is a subjec ha I really do no discuss openly

wih anyone excep very close amily or iends. I am hankul or my lie and

opporuniies I have. I do eel ha my parens divorce was perhaps my aul.

Bu I had a very srong and supporive moher and grandparens. Tank you

or his opporuniy.

I hope he inormaion gahered in his survey is published in a

book or magazine so we can all see wha oher people like mysel have had o

go hrough.Many oher donor offspring had brief, posiive commens o make

abou he survey iself, wih commens such as very ineresing survey,

never seen anyhing else like i, and ineresed in seeing he resuls of

oher people, and I hink his was a good opic, and much more.


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Unil now we have dwelled mainly on he feelings donor offspring

have for he family members who are missingfrom heir life heir biologi-

cal faher, his family, and heir half-siblings. Bu here is also he mater

of he family who are inheir life. I appears ha using a sperm donor o

build a family can markedly increase ensions wihin ha family as well.

Lynne Spencer was born in Michigan in . She didn find ouhe ruh abou her concepion unil she was years old, aer he man

she had always hough was her biological faher died. Lynnes parens

had a conflicual relaionship. W hen I was in junior high school, she

said, my faher asked me if I hough ha he should divorce my mom.

I old him yes. Tey sayed married, bu hey were always bickering wih

each oher. Looking back, she hinks he way she was conceived did af-

fec her family.

Te environmen in our house was very emoionally repressive.

Some areas were aboo o alk abou. My parens would ell sexual

jokes wih my auns and uncles, bu hey did no alk o me abou

sexualiy. Te aboo of alking openly abou sexualiy I know was

parly due o he imes, when a lo of hings weren alked abou

openly, bu I also believe ha i was even more of an uncomfor-

able opic because of he donor concepion and needing o keep

ha secre.

Lynne has spen a lo of ime hinking abou secres and how hey

affec families. Secres, she says, always affec he ineracions and relaion-

ships in families, including when donor concepion is kep secre. People

have o be on guard o make sure hey don accidenally give clues o he

secre. Over ime, his need o hold back limis he level of emoional

inimacy, openness, and honesy beween people.

rus was a big issue oo. Like many people who find ou laer in life

ha hey were donor conceived, Lynne feels she always knew somehing

was wrong. She old us:

When you grow up and your insincs are elling you one hing and

your parens he people you are supposed o be able o rus he

mos in your life are elling you somehing else, your whole sense

of wha is rue and no rue is all confused. You quesion your own

insincs. You don know when o believe your own houghs and

feelings, or no.

Family Instabil ity


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Like Lynne, Vicoria Reilly, now in her sixies, feels ha he deci-

sion o use a sperm donor o conceive a child, and he secre her parens

kep, caused a grea deal of sress in her family. I hink ha i pu a errible

srain on my moher who always ried o be he mediaor, she says. I

believe ha her carrying a child conceived by anoher mans sperm and

raising ha child caused [my faher] a deep hur. She doesn hink herfaher is he only man who migh feel his way abou donor concepion.

I hink oher men whose wives use he DI [donor inseminaion] mehod

o conceive migh also have a hard ime dealing wih he fac heir wives

are pregnan by anoher man, she says. I hink i is no good for family

dynamics.

A hisory of inferiliy. Geting pregnan from anoher man. Keeping

an enormous secre from your child and everyone else. Raising a child in

which one paren is biologically relaed o he child and anoher is no.

Tese experiences and more migh accoun for he srains one hears

abou when donor conceived aduls alk abou he families hey grew up

in. Perhaps no surprisingly, he resul can be divorce.

Many observers have noed how oen donor conceived people who

speak ou abou heir sories also ell sories of heir parens divorce. In

our sudy he divorce rae for married couples who use donor concep-

ion is indeed higher han one would expec. As Figure (p. )shows,

he married heerosexual parens of he donor conceived persons were

unusually likely o have divorced, wih percen of hem reporing haheir parens divorced before he responden was age , compared o

percen of hose who were adoped and percen of hose raised by

heir biological parens.

While he percenage of donor offspring whose parens divorced is

no a grea deal higher han for hose raised, for example, by heir biological

parens, i is significan for several reasons. Many children raised by heir

biological parens are conceived before or shorly aer heir parens marry,

while heerosexual married couples do no ypically consider oher meansof having a child wheher using reproducive echnology or adoping

wihou firs rying for some years o conceive a child he old fashioned

way. Mos divorces occur very early in marriages, so everyhi

My Daddy's Name is Donor: A New Study of Young Adults Conceived Through Sperm Donation

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