Mutual Sensations

7/28/2019 Mutual Sensations

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Mutual Sensations

Please feedback at [email protected]

DISCLAIMER: Nope. I still don't own them.DISTRIBUTION: Of course you can have it! Please let me know though.

SPOILERS: S6 - This is a weird one, so I hope you enjoy it!

PAIRING: B/A, of course!

FEEDBACK: Please, please, please!

LYRICS: All lyrics are by The Counting Crows

RATING: PG-13

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I know I'm in the process of working on several different projects right now (InA Maudlin Sort of Wayand Slayers and Vampires and Witches, Oh My!and Drawings of You) butI had a challenge with a deadline. Although I had a week to write this, my muse was offgallivanting somewhere without me so I'm forced to write it very quickly. (In fact, I completelymissed my deadline because of situations beyond my control. RL life has sucked beyond thetelling of it lately.) So, I've dropped everything else until I finish this and I'm going at a break neckpace right now. If it sucks, then you have my deepest apologies. This takes place before "SeeingRed." S6

WARNING: At some point, this fic WILL contain character death!

DEDICATION:

For Mai Shine who challenged me to write a fic in one week that met her specifications. I hopeope this meets the challenge. (See the bottom for a full description of the challenge.)

well, i will not be an enemy of anythingi'll only stand herewaiting for you

Mutual sensations, that's what Angel called them. Lovers, slaughter, labors, sadness, death - heand Buffy felt them together. He knew they did because when he left, the part of his soul thatalways belonged to her screamed. He felt as if his mind was scattered, dragging behind him,

leaving a trail from Sunnydale to LA, and everything he had ever been is still somewhere underthat paved road.

She hurt him in a way that he never thought anyone could, so he turned on her and gave it back.He gave back every bit of torment she ever made him feel. She had made him turn againsthimself, sent him to Hell and still he loved her. She awakened his regard for himself and he waschained to her heart, begging for more. He hadn't wanted to hurt her. That's not why he left, butthe longer he was gone, the more his pain increased, the more his guilt amplified and the morehe realized that he was punishing her...for daring to love him.

He spent his nights rubbing his crimes in and swabbing them with the memory of her face. It waspeppermint protocol. Every morning, with the fatal sun, his dreams faded away. As the portalclosed containing his son, he stood still, suffered and knew that his pain was complete and his lifewas meaningless. He had lost everything he had ever loved and then some.

After he tried to kill Wesley, even as he was screaming, being dragged away from the bedside, inhis mind, he could see every step that lead back to Buffy. That night he walked to the highwayand stared at the sky, at the sides of the road, at the passing cars. The blanket of blinking starstold him how to repair his wounds but if healing meant being without his son and his mate, if that'swhat going on with his life was, then he wasn't interested.

***

every night these silhouettes appear above my headlittle angels of the silences that climb into my bed and whisper
mailto:[email protected]:[email protected]


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every time i fall asleep, every time i dream

Buffy felt something inside her that was like a sounding march of despair. It was linked with theretreat of her mate so long ago and she sat up in bed, gasping in pain. She tediously retraced herdream steps. The dream was a blurry song, a repeated rhythm, a proclamation of what wasformed, lost and almost forgotten. She had blocked him out for so long, she didn't want toremember how the feeling of him leapt inside her and traced that small quantity of fear that went

hand in hand with true love. That early, early morning, she was engrossed with the memory ofhow he savored her, how he valued her every word, how he knew who she was.

For a long time, she sat on her bed and looked out the window wrapped in the squall of hisemotions sketched inside her soul. Conflicted and grimacing, she went to the bathroom andshowered, trying to wash Angel away, trying to wash the dirty feeling of her other lovers off of herskin. But she couldn't. It wasn't possible. Her mate was dying inside as she had been for a longtime and she didn't know how to make it end.

As she dried off, the phone rang and she knew that another horrible incident was coming. Shedressed and woke up Dawn to tell her that Giles was in town and that he brought with him thenext apocalypse. Next she stumbled to Willow and Tara's room, asking them to dress and go tothe Magic Box where the others would be waiting.

She went quickly with her two Wiccan friends, acting as her normal self - or what was normal

lately. She listened as Giles talked about a demon warrior princess seeking revenge for her lostlover. Buffy didn't know that the demon she killed last night was the mate of another, but it hadbeen. Not that it would have mattered at the time, but now she realized that she killed someoneelse's mate. As much as she wanted to tell herself that it was okay, that she took something evilout of the world, she knew the sorrow the Princess felt. She was certain she had not onlydestroyed life, but love. She swallowed her sadness and looked dully at her returned Watcher.

The feeling came on broadly at first and then narrowed itself in Buffy's mind. It was the same kindof fear, the same young, tricky idea that had been ringing inside her from the moment that shereturned from Heaven. In private, she had evaluated it many times but it wasn't until today thatshe truly understood it. She thought at first, upon her return, that she only wanted to go back toHeaven and that was true, at first she did. Later, as she laid beneath Spike and hoped he wouldhurt her a little more, she knew what she wanted was for the longing to stop.

Why did the powers send Angel to her? Why give her the greatest love she had ever known, onlyto take it away? Why was there Angelus and then Hell and then his departure? Didn't she deservemore than the short time she had with Angel? With every demon, vampire and other creature ofthe night she had defeated, with every person she knew and every place she went, she carriedher mate with her, silently begging him to return. Soon, she persuaded the cries to burythemselves so deeply inside that she no longer felt anything but the vague longing and thenumbness.

Today the memory of what she had lost was inserting itself in every turn and she almost felt thatthe attacking warrior princess was not something to be defeated but something to learn from. Shewas a messenger of the rewards of life and the loss of what was important - the loss of the onething that was important.

***

if you tell me that you'll wait for me i'll say i won't be hereAngel made no attempt to feed or hunt or speak after his spell to bring Connor back had failed. Itdidn't surprise him that none of his familyunderstood what he was feeling. None of them tried.Cordelia came up with her newfound wisdom and spoke to him, but he just waited for her to leaveagain. Of course, she never did. He wanted to scream at her, wanted to shake her until herperfect white teeth chattered and let her know that she didn't understand him and that she neverwould. Being part demon all of the sudden did not make one wise to the life of a vampire who hadlived over two and half centuries and found himself a slave to the memories of the only twopeople he had ever loved, his son and his mate.


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The thoughts of someday becoming human were quickly fading, as were the thoughts of beingwith his mate again, of watching Connor grow into the man he dreamed he would become. Hisdreams were dissolving and he cursed himself for feeling them to begin with. What had happenedto him? When exactly did he forget who he was, what he was?

He wanted to turn on Cordelia, who was reading on the charred sofa in his room and tell her thatthe only humane action would be to stake him. Break the pattern of pain and loss. Kill whatever

he had become and what he had been. His plea for her to take his life would be the finalmonologue, the unscrewing of the delicate line between illusion and reality. The idea of his owndemise was pulling him down from his sorrows. Pausing a minute, it occurred to him that heshouldn't give that gift to Cordy. It belonged to Buffy, as did everything. He looked over at CordeliaChase and felt something akin to disgust cover him. He didn't care about his shallow lusts of thepretty girl anymore and the moments he had thought about making love to her. She was an idlerequest for comfort, a moment of haze before his clarity returned. With Connor gone, the onlythings that were left were Death and Buffy.

The only thing he wished for as he laid in bed and stared at the scorched crib that had oncecontained the happy, gurgling body of his son, was that he had the strength to go to Buffy andoffer her his life. It would be so easy. But not, which was why he stayed there, wishing for the painto go.

***

all the things i keep inside myself, they vanish in the air

"What do we need to do to stop her?" Buffy asked Giles, making sure he caught thedisappointment in her tone, the anger that only a daughter can feel for the father who abandonedher. She felt like telling him to resume his new life in the mother country and get the hell out ofhers. They could do the research without him. She had proven that she didn't needhim there. Atthe same time, she ached to give him another hug and force a promise out of him to stay.

"She needs two lovers," Giles answered, "Two soul mates to sacrifice. Their souls can be used tocreate a pathway of sorts to the underworld. She can retrieve her lover from the other side andtogether they can get their revenge for being separated."

"Great," Buffy snorted. Soul mates. What a hilarious and foolish archaic term. Once, a long timeago, she thought that was possible, but then reality sunk in, as it always does, "Is there a way to

stop her before she finds the juicy souls she's looking for or we just have to wait until she nabsthe victims?"

"There won't be a need to wait as long as we act quickly," Giles responded, feeling the tension inthe room but deciding to keep it off the record for as long as he could. He was beginning to thinkhe had made the wrong decision by leaving his Slayer and by the look in her eyes she was nobetter than she had been. If anything she was decidedly worse and regret settled itself neatlyinside him.

Without moving or speaking, Buffy felt a twinge. It wasn't much more than a slither and she feltherself slipping below, as if she were shrinking inside herself. The feeling was unhurried andgradual and she felt as if she were going to pass out, but she didn't, she just stepped backmentally and someone else took over.

***

lost among the chosen one

Somehow Cordelia had convinced him that what he needed was to continue the sword fightinglessons that had dropped off long before, even though her new power prevented her from evenneeding to learn it at all. He had argued with her about it and now he wasn't even sure how hisarms ended up around her. His hands, resting just below hers on the sword, were as firm andconcentrated as the rest of his body as they stepped slowly through the movements, makingarched, graceful swipes that encored and retraced. Normally, Angel concentrated on the martialdance of their movements, completely in tune with his trainee. Most days he knew the secondbefore her blood pressure increased, the point where her heartbeat moved from a patter to a


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thump.

Today, he was distracted by the heartbeat he usually monitored and was disturbed by the warmthof her skin. Every part of today's training felt like deja vu and each brush of warm female skin feltlike Buffy. It seemed as though his discovery of his life without his mate had forced him back onthe path he thought he had left forever - the one where he couldn't stop thinking about her. Heblinked away images of his ex-lover and tried to focus on the session but he couldn't seem to

shake her off.When the session was over, he galloped up the stairs, taking two at time, needing to get awayfrom the human female who triggered Sunnydale sense memories inside him. He made it to hisroom in seconds and leaned against the door. The closed door was effective in keeping humanityout but Buffy's memory strolled right in and made herself at home.

He shed his clothes and climbed into the shower but the warm spray only reminded him of Buffy.The damn soap reminded him of Buffy. He had long ago resigned himself to accepting that hewas never going to just forget her. She flowed back into his consciousness in regular intervals likethe tide and he could do nothing to chase her away. But this new torment with her and Connor'smemories battling inside his head was more than he could take.

He dressed, went out to his car and climbed in, not really knowing where he was going to go butneeding to do something, go somewhere. The cool leather of the seat reminded him of Buffy, the

sound of the engine turning over brought back a memory of her and the feel of the roadrhythmically underneath the tires brought up images of her face. Before he realized what he wasdoing, he was halfway to Sunnydale. He tried to convince himself to turn around and go home, tokeep away like they had discussed. He fought himself bitterly and lost. He promised himself justone little peek of his lost love and then he would go home. She wouldn't even know he was there.

Almost as if it were triggered by a mile marker, Angel felt a strange pang inside him. Somethingwas shifting inside him. He pressed on the gas to speed up as something else besides the demoninside him took over.

***

i guess i thought that someone would noticei guess i thought somebody would say somethingif i was missing

Willow chanted and without moving, she seemed like personified propaganda for movement.Buffy almost never paid attention to the words or the rituals, but tonight she felt as if the magickwas moving inside her, tapping her on the forehead and shouting for her to pay attention. Gilesstood by Willow's side, chanting opposite phrases that all of the sudden The Slayer understood.

Back and forth, she began to sway and finally stepped forward, in a deliberate attempt to regainher senses. She felt drowsy as if her friends' feat were draining the life from her. They werecheerfully trying to kill her and the new consciousness that had been placed inside her.

"You think I'm just going to let you do this," Buffy demanded as she brushed against Willow andGiles. The voice was hers, but the words did not come from her and she watched in amazementas her friends were tossed aside. She was sure she barely touched them but they hit the groundwith a horrible thud. Clenching her fists in an attempt to control the feelings inside her, she lookedat her friends.

"What are you talking about?" Giles said, standing and limping over to her, while brushing thegrass from his trousers, "What is the matter with you, Buffy? This is what we agreed upon."

"I didn't agree to this," Buffy's new alter ego exclaimed, "We have to come to make things right."

"We?" Willow asked, "You mean, me, you and Giles, right?"

"Reckless children," Buffy intoned, "The brief rest you were given was nothing but a conditioning.You want me? I'll have you with meat and wine at my lover's side."

"Lover?" Giles echoed, still in shock from the news of Buffy's lover while he away, "Spike?"


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Buffy laughed maniacally at Giles' question, "Spike was starvation. He was curtains, nothing butan accessory, an unnatural urge.

"Buffy," Willow said, edging closer. She met eyes with Giles quickly, seeing that he had come tothe same conclusion as she had. Buffy was possessed and for real this time, "There's somethingcontrolling you. You have to fight it."

"Don't worry, Will," Buffy answered, "You're safe enough. You'll be hidden quite nicely amongstthe other wood shavings when the world is mine."

"You mean ours,'" Angel said, appearing at her side. He stood by her, not touching her or lookingat her, but helping her stare down the Watcher and witch.

"Of course," Buffy answered with a smile that was given to Giles and Willow, "Mine. Ours. It's thesame thing."

***

she knows she's just a little misunderstood, she has trouble acting normal when she's nervous

"It's daytime!" Cordelia shouted as she paced around the lobby, showing anything but thepeaceful calm she had taken on in recent weeks. She was somewhere in the middle of a rant andfrankly, the only person who might have caught it all was Groo. Given the opportunity, however,he probably would not have repeated the whole meaning of her tangent, since he always gave his

princess far more than the benefit of the doubt.

"Thank you, Cordelia," Gunn said sarcastically.

"What Charles means," Fred added, "Is that with all of the pacing and shouting, we're not surewhat's upsetting you."

"Except that the sun has risen, doll face, which isn't really a reason to get into a bind," Lorne said,strolling in the room, still in his pajamas and robe, but already carrying his morning drink.

"I think the princess is upset because Angel has not returned," Groo said with sadness on hisface, "Angel is her primary concern."

"Oh, you think that Angel..." Fred said.

"Yes!" Cordelia shouted, "Yes! He left in the middle of the night and it's daytime now. He's not

back.""I'm calling Wes," Gunn said, heading for the phone, "Gotta make sure English is still alive."

"I agree," Fred added, nodding and biting her lower lip nervously. No one was really sure if Angelwould go after Wesley again. She was sure that if he tried again, he wouldn't fail.

"I don't think Angel would go after Wesley again," Lorne said calmly, "He was past the revengeand more towards the-"

"Self destruction!" Cordelia shouted.

***

Part Two - "The Wish"

DEDICATION: For Mai Shine

***could you tell me the things you remember about meand have you seen me lately?i remember meand all the little things that make up a memorylike she said she loved to watch me sleep

Buffy woke with the dawn and with the oddest sensation. It was almost as if her dream last nighthad come true and that she was with Angel, in his arms. From the hard surface underneath her,she thought she must have fallen out of bed at some point until she opened her eyes. In front of


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her was a cave-like stone wall and unless Willow and Tara had performed some major magickovernight, she was fairly certain she was not in her bedroom. She recognized the large armaround her waist and the room temperature body pressed against hers. She shifted slowly in hisarms, trying not to wake him and found him already awake, staring at her with those deep soulfuleyes.

A million fine phrases had crossed her mind, things that she would say to him if he ever returned

again. In her dreams, they had all been perfect invasions with every syllable sounding strong andnatural. But now, lying in his arms again, every sentence had a black mark across it. It wasamazing that she had spent so much time unlearning him and in one moment, the memorizationreturned. Buffy Summers found herself moving back in time to that girl who could see nothing buthim in her future. It was a formidable feeling and the gaps of her were filled by this one smallinstant with him. It nibbled and she was afraid if she spoke the peace would break.

The moment was silhouetted and seemed hazy to the pair, who both felt the additional personasinside them, waiting to take over again. The silence took up the tiny spaces between them andafter a while they weren't certain if they were waiting to speak or if they had already finished.They were connected as they had ever been and somehow felt less free.

"I never said I didn't love you," he said quietly, answering her unasked question. Neither weresure if she had said it or not, but it didn't matter. It was there.

"You still want me," she confirmed, searching the storm tossed feelings raging between them forthe truth.

"You know me well enough by now," he answered, knowing it was cryptic and at the same timeknew that she understood. It was sanity balancing on a porch rail and the truth had been a longtime coming.

"This isn't a gift," he told her, "We think it is, but it's not."

"I know," she answered, digging her fingers into his arms. The longer she was awake, the moreshe found movement difficult. Her hands were now one of the few parts of her body that were stillcapable of movement. She wasn't hurt, she was being controlled and she knew the way he didn'thold her more tightly that he was under the same possession, "Will we die so she can free him?"

"Would you kill to save me?" he asked, catching her eyes and reading the answer there, knowingshe wouldn't reply, but waiting for it anyway.

"I'm not ready," she whispered, "I thought I wanted to go back but I don't."

"I know, love," he replied, grateful that his arms were already around her when he woke. It wouldbe so much worse to know that he couldn't hold her when she needed it. If the Princesssucceeded, they would both die. They knew that with every fibre of their being. They also knewthat once they left this plane, they would be separated in different dimensions for all of eternity. Ithad to be The Powers That Be's funniest mix up because to place two soul mates in the world,one as human and one as demon, they could only be reunited in each new life.

***

round here we talk just like lionsbut we sacrifice like lambs

"Daddy," Dawn said, standing at the open door of her home.

"Hi Dawnie," he said, leaning in to peck her cheek and sweeping past her only to see an oldergentleman sitting on the couch in pajamas and a robe nursing his morning cup of tea. The manlooked vaguely familiar to Hank Summers, but he couldn't place where he had seen him before.

All he knew was that this man had spent the night in the same house as his two young andattractive daughters.

"What are you doing here?" she asked abruptly and then amended, "I mean, we didn't expectyou."

"Can't I just drop in on my daughters?" he asked and turned to Giles, "Have we met?"


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"Yes, actually," Giles said, reaching out his hand to shake the absentee father's hand, even as hehad the urge to do something considerably less cordial, "Rupert Giles. I was formerly the librarianat the High School before it was destroyed. I'm in town visiting from England."

"Really?" Hank said, narrowing his eyes at the man, "And you're staying with my daughters?"

"Yes, well," Giles answered, "Joyce and I were close friends. I check in on the girls from time totime."

"Where is Buffy, by the way?" Hank asked, turning to Dawn and ignoring the implication in Giles'statement that as their father, he had not checked in on them nearly as often. Or at all actually.

"She...um...left early this morning for a study session," Dawn stammered.

"On Saturday?" Hank asked incredulously. He might have been out of the picture for a while butthere was no way his eldest daughter got up that early on a Saturday morning to study.

"She has a large exam on Monday," Giles added, not feeling the least bit guilty about jabbing inevery chance he got that he knew more about the Summers' girls than their father. Part of hisanimosity was against Hank Summers and part of it was against himself, as he began to comparefatherly notes, "She has a bit of trouble with history."

"Where is she studying?" Hank asked, "I'd like to see her."

"We don't know," Dawn answered, "She just said it was a study group. Sorry Daddy. But I canmake you coffee if you want. Giles made tea too."

"I'll have coffee," he answered, a bit too eagerly. He actually did prefer coffee but was thrilled tonot drink the same beverage as the librarian who seemed to be vying for his parental rights.

"Kay," she said, turning toward the kitchen, "Giles?"

"No, thank you, Dawn," he answered, settling back into his seat on the couch with a smug halfsmile on his face. If Buffy and Angel weren't in dire straits, he would be humming a little tune bynow.

"Giles," Willow said sleepily, padding down the stairs in her pajamas, "Have we found Buffy andAngel...Hi, Mr. Summers."

"Hello," he said.

"Willow," she said, pressing a hand to her chest, "I'm Willow Rosenberg."

She gulped as she continued down the stairs and turned to Giles, giving him the oh shootlook.She blurted the first thing that popped in her mind, which was, "Have we found Buffy and Angelan engagement present yet?"

Giles nearly spit his tea across the room, but managed to choke on it gracefully for a momentbefore answering, "No. I was just thinking about that this morning."

"Engagement?" Hank shouted, "Who is Angel?"

"Engagement!" Dawn shouted back, "Who's engaged?"

Willow wanted to pound her head against the wall. She turned so she faced Dawn and with herback safely facing Mr. Summers, she spoke in Dawn's mind, We're pretending Buffy & Angel areengaged. It was all I could think of. Play along. Please, please, please, pl...

"Oh," Dawn said, nodding and precariously carrying a coffee cup to her father. She had overfilledit and the dark liquid was dribbling over the sides, "You mean, like how Angel asked her to marryhim?"

"Yes," Giles answered, unable to hide his sigh. The sigh transformed into a groan as Xanderwalked through the door with Anya in tow. They were bickering loudly after being stuck in theMagic Box researching all night together and Willow thought that they almost sounded like theywere back together again. Almost.

"It's a demon, Xander," Anya said, slamming the door behind her, "You can't just sprinkle dust on


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it and wish it away."

"Personal demons are nasty things," Willow said, a little too loudly.

"Um...hi?" Xander said, looking at the man he instantly recognized as Buffy's father. Things weregoing to get reallyinteresting from here.

***

waiting for the moon to come and light me up insideand i am waiting for the telephone to tell me I'm alive

The call from Giles was disturbing to Wesley Wyndom-Pryce. The other Watcher had no way ofknowing what had transpired recently. He thought that when he came home from the hospital hewould be alone. He thought he would have plenty of time to reflect on what he had done and thechoices he had made. He was certain he would have days upon days to dwell on the angry wordsthat Fred had spoken to him.

But in rapid succession, he received a call from Gunn to see if he was alive, a visit from Lilah anda call from Rupert Giles to report Angel's arrival in Sunnydale. The demon warrior princess thathad taken over the bodies of the pair was a surprising bit of news but even more surprising wasGiles' asking for his help in the research. Almost as if he were still tied to the Council, he found itvery difficult to refuse his former almost friend. In fact, it must have been impossible because he

agreed to help.Now he was standing in the center of his quiet apartment, caught between his bookshelf, thecomputer and his phone. He needed to call the hotel and give the group the news, but it wastaking a lot longer than he planned to reach for the phone. He cursed himself for agreeing as hesat staring at it, wishing he could just go lie down.

He got all seven numbers in after the third try and listened to it ring. His eyes were darkening witheach second that passed and he tried to focus on what was right. Perhaps this act would redeemhim in the eyes of the vampire he was only trying to help.

"Angel Investigations. We help the-"

"It's Wesley," he said, in his new gravelly voice, "Don't hang up, Cordelia. I know where Angel is."

"Where?" she asked, gripping the phone anxiously in her hand.

"He's gone to Sunnydale."

"Why?"

"Demonic warrior princess possessed him," he answered simply.

"Thank you for telling us," she said, truly grateful.

"It's important to tell you that I am going there this evening at the request of Giles."

"If he sees you, he'll kill you," Cordy said softly.

"I'm aware," he answered curtly, and before he hung up, he added gently, "Goodbye, Cordelia."

***

she sees shooting stars and comet tailsshe's got heaven in her eyes she says i don't need to be an angel

"Is she burning us?" Buffy asked, wiggling to get closer to his cool skin, "I see the flames, Angel.They're orange and blue and green."

"No, baby," he answered, struggling to pull her to him, "It's inside us."

"Make...it...stop," she groaned, pressing her forehead against the bit of bare skin at the openingof his shirt, "Hurts."

"Can't," he answered, gritting his teeth from the pain. It felt like the heat was burning his insidesand going back in time, incinerating his whole line of ancestors. The cruelness of the justice that


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was being paid to them by the she-demon was beautiful in it's ingenuity. She wasn't going to tearthem apart, she was pushing them together, uniting them. She didn't want them to abandon eachother. She didn't even want Angel to lose his soul. She wanted them to know true loss without theseparation, only the anticipation of it. Clinging to each other, all they had was the future and howshort lived it was going to be.

"Angel, I love you," she groaned, wishing she could crawl inside him, "I never stopped."

"Buffy," he said back, gulping gasps of fragrant air and wishing oxygen helped him, "I love youtoo. But we're not going to die."

They both knew he was lying, but neither had the strength to voice the thought. Their bodies wereshaking, forcing their previous attempts to move to stop.

***

we're so fucked up, you and meso why'd you come home to this faithless townwhere we make a lifetime commitmentto recovering the satellites

"Alright, Mr. Giles," Hank Summers said, after navigating Giles, almost forcefully to the kitchen,"Who are all these people? And don't give me that shit about the engagement because they all

look worried and scared, not happy and excited.""Well, well, well, here's a new face," Spike said, as he strolled in through the kitchen door, "Whoare you, mate?"

"Who are you?" Hank demanded.

"Spike, now is not really the time," Giles answered, taking off his glasses to clean them, "This isBuffy and Dawn's father."

"Oh," Spike answered with a grin, "This should be interesting. Absentee father coming in andpoking around where he doesn't belong. Guess you're trying to figure out what's going on, huh?"

"Spike!" Dawn said, hurrying into the room from where she had been eavesdropping, "I need totalk to you right now."

"It's okay, Nibblet," Spike said, strolling across the room to the younger Summers' girl, "I know all

about your sister and Peaches. I saw where they're holed up and by the look of it, it's only amatter of time."

"You know where they are?" Dawn squealed. The same relief flooded over her and Gilessimultaneously. At least someone knew where they were.

"Peaches?" Hank echoed, "Someone had better explain to me what the hell is going on here."

"Wellll," Spike started.

"Do shut up!" Giles demanded, turning on the vampire as he put his glasses on rapidly. Spikesmiled as he allowed his face to revert to the demon and made sure Mr. Summers got a goodlook. He put an arm around Dawn and strolled out of the room, "Whatever you say, mate."

"What was that?" Hank screamed, "He's touching my daughter!"

Giles shook his head and stared at the counter for a moment before sighing and launching into along delayed explanation.

***

step out the front door like a ghostinto the fog where no one noticesthe contrast of white on white.

The Summers' household was a symphony of bickering and research as the Scooby Core andthe AI team gathered to find out how to save Buffy and Angel. Hank Summers was wanderingaround the house eyeing all of the people present, trying to figure out which of them were human


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and which were...well, not human. When he finally settled into an overseeing position at thedoorway to the living room, Dawn joined him there.

"Hi Daddy," she said quietly, "Are you...um...okay?"

"Yes, sweetheart," he answered uneasily, "I think so. I'm still reeling from the idea that my twodaughters are..."

"A vampire Slayer and an ex-ball of green energy?""Green?"

"Yes," she said, brightly, trying to add some confidence in her voice, "I was green. Tara said I wasbeautiful, you know."

"I'm sure you were, honey," he answered, looking down at the young face that he loved and trulythought of as his daughter, "Are they going to be able to save Buffy?"

"They usually do," she said, unable to hide the tremor in her voice, "She's already died twice, youknow."

"There's a lot here that I missed," he said, looking from person to person, "So, are most of thesepeople, you know, normal?"

"Well, Spike's a vampire," Dawn said, pointing at the bleach blonde who was flipping through the

channels on the television, "Which I guess you already know. Wesley's a Watcher, like Giles. Orhe was, anyway."

"Are Watchers human?"

"Yeah," Dawn answered, "They're human. Willow and Tara are witches. Anya's a vengeancedemon. She was human before and then she was a demon and then she was human again. Nowshe's gone back to being a demon after Xander left her at the alter. Not everyone knows thatthough. But oh! Xander's human. Gunn and Fred are human too. So's Cordelia. She just getsvisions from The Powers That Be."

"Actually," Fred said, overhearing their conversation, "Cordelia is half demon now."

A chorus of questions followed and as the AI team began to explain, Cordy began to float in midair, which caused a hushed silence to sweep through the room. The silence was quickly

interrupted by Cordy's shrill scream of pain."I thought they weren't painful any longer," Wesley said, looking over the woman he used toconsider a dear friend.

"They're not," Fred said, "Well, they weren't. Not before anyway."

"Spike!" Cordy screamed, looking down at that startled vampire, "You have to go to the cave.They're dying! She's killing them!"

The ground began to shake, knocking pictures off the walls and causing the teams to stumblearound the room. Cordy floated back to the floor and immediately fell to her knees, heavingbreaths. Spike was looking down at her in stunned silence and he pulled himself to his feet,looking around.

"I'll take you there," he said as he ran toward the door. Everyone in the house followed. Thehouse stood empty several minutes later, the door hanging wide open as the ground that they ranon continued to shake and crack.

***

and in between the moon and youthe angels get a better viewof the crumbling difference between wrong and right.

As the ground began to shake inside the cave, Buffy and Angel found that their ability to movewas returned and they helped each other to their feet. The demon princess, whom they had neverseen, spoke to them from an unknown location and they found themselves looking up at the


11/45

ceiling as if they expected to find her there. Their friends ran into the cave but the couple couldn'tsee or hear them. An invisible wall kept them from reaching the couple, who were staring at theroof of the cave in a trance.

"The time has come," the princess said, "For your souls to pave the way to my lover."

"NO!" They shouted back together.

"There has to be another way," Angel shouted, "You can't kill her! I won't allow you to take her.""You have no choice, vampire," the princess answered, "The soul you were given was created forthis purpose. You will open the gates of Hell and I will be reunited with my mate."

"No," he said, shaking his head. He looked down at Buffy for a moment before snatching thestake from the waistband of her pants, "You need us both to cross and I won't let you take her."

Before Buffy could stop him, he thrust the stake into his chest, hitting the heart with perfectaccuracy. The last thing he heard was the anguished cry of his mate as he dissipated into dust ather feet. Having put all of her power into the spell, the Princess screamed in anguish with Buffy.

As her power weakened, the group heard the sound of her death filling the cavern with TheSlayer's. The barrier keeping them from the pair dropped as the Princess' scream fell silent.

Buffy fell to her knees and dug her fingers into the dust that had once been her mate, sobbinginto it. They looked on in awe as she buried her face in the dust and her body shook with the

ultimate loss. Her father finally ran across the room and attempted to scoop her into his arms butshe pushed him away, sending him staggering back several feet.

"Don't touch me!" she shouted, looking at him through the brilliant green eyes of a woman inanguish. She remained on her knees, crying freely and sifting his ashes through her fingers.

"Honey," he said, looking down at her with concern, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" she shouted, "Because my lover died or because you missed my entire relationshipwith him?"

"I..."

"Get the hell out of here," she said, "Go back to your secretary and your life in LA. I don't wantyou here. I don't want you in my life."

Hank stepped forward, not willing to be pushed aside. He moved toward his daughter again andshe scrambled to her feet and pulled her arm back to punch him. As she propelled forward tostrike her father, a hand grabbed her arm and pulled her away, spinning her around.

"Hit me instead," Spike said, "You'll regret it less, love."

She did. Immediately. She crushed her fist into his face and the gang gasped as she keptpunching him. He allowed it. He simply stood back up each time she knocked him down until heno longer could. Finally, she sank to her knees and beat her fists on his chest, falling back intoher sobs.

He wrapped his arms around her as she cried, pressing her face against his chest. He knewwithout asking or hearing her say it out loud that she wished he had been the one to die instead.

Hank looked down at his daughter sobbing in the arms of a bloody vampire, while crying over thedeath of another and found himself in deep regret. He stared at her and then looked over at Dawn

who was crying as well and had buried her face in the comforting shoulder of Rupert Giles. It wasat that moment that he realized what he had missed out on during his absence. He looked backand forth between his daughters and took a deep, painful breath.

"I wish I had never left my family," he said.

"Done," a voice said, and everyone turned slowly to look at the demonic visage of Anyankabefore the world disappeared and changed.

***

Part Three - "The New World"


12/45

RATING: Still PG-13

***

roll a new leaf over

Hank Summers looked around him and found that he was no longer in a cave but in a house. Itwas very large and nice looking from what he could gather. He recognized some of the things

there as his belongings, his ex-wife's and his daughters'. He wandered around, taking in hissurroundings until he wandered into the living room and found Dawn sitting in front of thetelevision.

"Hi Dawn," he said, uneasily.

"Hi Daddy," she answered, "Are you ready to go?"

"Go where?" he asked, running his fingers through his graying hair. His silent question of whetherhe was the only one to remember how things had been seemed to be answered. Dawn didn'tseem to be out of place here at all. His biggest question still remained. He wasn't sure if Joycewas alive or not.

"To Sarah's," she snapped, "We just talked about it this morning. Did you forget already? You'renot going out with that stupid secretary of yours again, are you?"

"Dawn," he warned, unsure of why he was warning her, only that he had the distinct feeling theyhad this conversation before, "I'll take you to Sarah's. Where's Buffy?"

"Are you going senile or something?" Dawn said, gathering her overnight bag, "You know Buffymoved to Sunnydale last weekend."

"Right," he said, taking a deep breath, "I keep forgetting she's gone."

"Oh please," Dawn said, moving towards the front door, "It's not like you're going to miss eachother. All you ever did was fight since Mom died."

"She's still my daughter," he said, following her to the door. He didn't even know what his carlooked like. And where on God's green earth was Sarah's house?

***

she looks up at the building

and says she's thinking of jumpingshe says she's tired of lifeshe must be tired of something

"I'm so glad Giles offered up the idea of moving to Sunnydale and helping to protect theHellmouth. If I had to spend one more minute with my father, my Slaying might have turned tosome quality patricide," Buffy said to Willow as she began to unpack in their new place.

"Me too," Willow said brightly, "In the Fall we can start all new classes with all new professors atUC Sunnydale."

"Oh, that," Buffy said, nodding, "Well, I guess it might be okay too. I'm not so hip on UCSunnydale after the whole Adam-Professor Walsh deal."

"They're gone," Willow said, "AndRiley's here."

"Yeah," Buffy answered sadly, "And so is Angel.""You know," Willow said, picking up a boxer cutter to slice open the next box in the towering stackin front of her, "He asked you to stay a long time ago and I think he's offered for you to move inwith him every time you come here to help with the newest big bad."

"Not l-last time," Buffy said shakily, feeling those old tears brimming in the corner of her eyes. Shestruggled to blink them back but found them dropping on the box in front of her instead. She knewthis wasn't going to be easy, but it just seemed more real now.

"Buff," Willow said, sitting down on the couch and moving a box for her friend to sit. She waited


13/45

until Buffy sat down beside her and then launched into the lecture she had planned out in herhead for the last few days, "If you want to be with him, then why aren't you? You've done nothingbut think of him for the last couple of years."

"Four. Four years," she said, hiccuping, "And he's a vampire. He broke up with me last time I left.I don't even know if he wants to be with me anymore."

"Does he know that Riley asked you out?" Willow questioned.

"No," she said, "I don't think so. This town is waytoo small for the three of us."

"Go talk to him," Willow offered, "Does he even know you're moving here?"

"Well," Buffy said, chewing on her bottom lip, "I didn't tell him, if that's what you mean, but I'msure that by now, he knows."

"You'll figure it out," Willow added confidently.

"You know," Buffy said, leaning her head on her friend's shoulder, "If I hadn't met you and Xanderon my trips down here, I just don't know what I would've done."

"I'm sure you'd be miserable," Willow joked.

"I would," Buffy answered.

***i got bones beneath my skin, and mister...there's a skeleton in every man's housebeneath the dust and love and sweat that hangs on everybodythere's a dead man trying to get out

Angel woke up screaming. When he opened his eyes, he looked around the room in confusion.This wasn't dead. This was undead. Again. He jumped out of bed, pulled on a pair of pants rapidlyand ran out into the great room of the mansion.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Cordelia asked, looking up from a desk in the corner of theroom. Her hair was long and dark like it had been before, falling in silky waves over her shouldersand down her back. Flashes of memories, feelings, things that once were went through his mind.That long dark hair was only the first indication that something was really, really wrong.

"Okay," Angel said, trying to get his bearings, "Do you live here?"

"Uh, no," she said, standing up and walking over. He found himself staring at her jeans as if theyhad an answer for why he was not a pile of ashes. When his gaze made it up to her belly, he sawit was rounded and full, "Angel, did something happen last night?"

"Happen? Oh my God, you're pregnant."

"Yes," Cordy answered, "I'm pregnant. Okay, first you found out Buffy's moving here last night,then you got all weird and went on patrol. And now you're all weird this morning."

"Buffy," he gasped, "She's okay? Did I save her?"

"From her own selfish pride?" Cordy snapped and perched on the back of the sofa, "What are youtalking about? Did you hit your head or something?"

"Yes," Angel said, nodding, "I hit it. Hard. So, I have one more question."

"Alright," she said, hesitantly.

"Is my soul...um, well, what I want to know is...is it permanent?"

"It's permanent, Angel. Aren't most souls?" she answered and then looked over him with concern,"Do you remember anything?"

He shook his head, "I'm missing a lot of details. Like, who's the father of your baby?"

"You've got to be kidding me!"

"No," he said, shaking his head. Glancing down, he saw dark, purple bruises covering his torso.


14/45

He looked thin and ragged as if he hadn't fed in a long time. He looked back up at Cordy with agrimace, "And what happened to me? Was I starved and beaten or something?"

"Doyle," she said, "Doyle is the father of my child. And who knows what happened to you? Icertainly don't, but you've hardly fed since the last time the little Slayer left town and I'm thinkingthat you are trying to kill yourself."

"Doyle?"

"Do you remember D-"

"Doyle's alive?" he asked, rushing across the room to grip her shoulders.

"I'm alive. What's with the freaking out?" Doyle said, strolling into the room with coffee anddonuts. Angel released the dark haired, pregnant ex-cheerleader and whipped around to look intothe bright and very much alive blue eyes of his Irish friend. The half-demon smiled and added,"My little wife there broke the coffee pot this mornin'. I'm sure she didn't bother to tell ya. I broughtyou a cup."

Angel stood there in shock and then a smile covered his face. Doyle looked over at Cordy wholooked just as confused as he felt. He walked over and held out a paper cup of coffee to Angel,"Did I miss something?"

***

you know i'm doing all right these daysthe devil's in the dreamin'you see yourself descending

"Anyanka," D'Hoffryn said, appearing in her apartment in Sunnydale.

"You frightened me," she said, turning to face him with her human face intact. She still wasn't sureif she had made the right decision to become a vengeance demon again, but this new world hada thousand possibilities. She had another chance with Xander. Maybe she could make it work thistime.

"Yes. I thought I might," he said with a shrug of his cloaked shoulders, "I came to tell you, in lightof your return to the fold, that the souled vampire remembers. We don't want a replay of the lasttime you lost your power center."

"He remembers? How could he?" she answered, "Mr. Summers should remember but not anyoneelse!"

"He was caught in the aether between life and death when the wish was made," D'Hoffrynanswered, "This rarely happens. Anyway, I think you should be on your guard."

"Thank you, D'Hoffryn," Anya answered, "I appreciate you telling me."

"So curt, Anyanka," he said, looking over the coldness in her eyes. He had seen it often lately andwas beginning to be concerned about his prodigal child, "You aren't rethinking your decision toreturn to me, are you?"

"Of course not," she said, nearly shouting, "I'm just adjusting here. I was left at the alter a coupleof weeks ago, you know."

"Not in this world," he answered before disappearing. Anya sat back down on her chair and

slumped over the kitchen table. Xander was somewhere in this world and it would take very littleeffort on her part to find him. The only question was, if she returned to her lover, would he leaveher again?

***

all of the sudden she disappearsjust yesterday she was heresomebody tell me if i am sleepingsomeone should be with me herecause i don't wanna be alone


15/45

Forrest walked through The Initiative with Riley and Graham. He was supposed to focusing onthe newest HST running loose through Sunnydale, but he couldn't focus on Finn's words becausethe man was grinning like an idiot. He half expected him to start skipping down the hallway.

"Okay, you're distracting the hell of me, man," Forrest said, interrupting his superior officer andfriend.

"What do you mean?" Riley said with a twinkle in his eyes.

"The overly happy thing," Graham said.

"Ever since Buffy called and said she was moving to Sunnydale, you've been drooling oneveryone's combat boots," Forest added with a grin that was not nearly as blinding as his friend's.

"Sorry. I'm trying to quit," Riley answered and attempted to straighten the smile from his face, butit just kept returning, "It's just that she's here. Right now. Unpacking her apartment and we have adate tonight."

"Not to crash the party," Graham said grimly, "But you know her ex-boyfriend is living in this towntoo."

"So?" Riley replied, "She said he broke up with her and it's over. Why should I worry about somerandom guy?"

"No reason," Graham said, "Just reminding you, Ri. She seemed pretty crazy about whoever hewas."

"Not anymore," Riley said, keeping his smile and straightening his shoulders proudly , "She'sgoing out with me now, not him."

"Right," Forrest said, remembering, probably in unison with Graham, the look on the girl's facewhen she mentioned the elusive "Angel" before. Whatever that man did to her, he's still walkingaround with her heart on the sole of his shoe. They both were fairly certain that their friend wasgoing to suffer much the same fate.

***

i wanna be the light that burns out your eyes`cause i know there's little things about methat would sing in the silence of so much rejection

in every connection i make

Angel couldn't believe how easy it was to find Buffy and Willow's new place. What were the oddsthat in this new world, or whatever it was, that they would be renting the house on Revello Drivethat Buffy had always lived in before? He climbed that old familiar tree and perched outside of herwindow as he had done a thousand times before.

He watched her with only a shred of guilt as she stood in front of her closet in a pair of pantiesand bra, looking for something to wear. He wondered how many times she had done that for himin the past, in this world and in the last. He wished to God he could remember why they weren'ttogether here, if they had broken up for the same reason. Did she love him in this world? A part ofhim didn't want to know the answer to that question. Another part of him want to sit and brood ashe drew out the reasons she could have left him to go back to LA.

He leaned away from the window as Willow came bounding into the room in her normal bright,

cheery way. Buffy wasn't reflecting nearly as much light as her redheaded counterpart. In fact,she looked sad and depressed.

"Buffy," Willow said excitedly, "Riley's going to be here in 20 minutes to pick you up and you aren'teven dressed yet!"

"Thanks, Will," Buffy said, sitting on the edge of her bed and staring at the open closet, "Inoticed."

"Hey," Willow said, sitting next to her best friend and new roommate, "I thought you were going totry."


16/45

"I am," Buffy said, still drenched in her depression, "This is me trying."

"Have you even spoken to Angel yet?" Willow asked and outside the window, Angel leaned backin, as if he needed the extra three inches of closeness to eavesdrop effectively.

"No," Buffy answered and began tearing up again, "I don't know what to say. What if he doesn'tlove me anymore? What if he never did?"

"He does," Angel said, making his presence known as he swooped gracefully through the windowand landed lightly just inside the room.

"Hi Angel," Willow said, standing and backing out of the room, "And, uh, bye."

"Hi Willow," Angel answered as Buffy stood and faced off with her ex-lover with her hands on herhips. He half expected her to dive to the closet for clothes, but she didn't. She just burned a glareinto him that made the elements around him appear to blur.

"Buffy," he said quietly, "I need to talk to you."

"How is it that you've lived for how many hundreds of years and you never learned the fine art ofknocking?"

"Look," he said, running a hand through his hair, "I woke up this morning and I...I can't rememberanything. I don't know what happened between us. The only thing I'm sure of at this point is that I

love you. I've always loved you.""You have amnesia or something?" she asked, softening her tone slightly. She had to admit thathe looked more haggard, unkempt and sickly than she had ever seen him. Even though helooked like total shit for Angel standards, he still made her blood pressure rise and she wassuddenly very aware of how naked she was. She thought about getting clothes, but couldn't seemto nudge herself into motion.

"Not really," Angel said, leaning against the windowsill in an attempt to keep himself from touchingher. Knowing that he could without the normal consequences was almost too much to bear, "It'slike I went to sleep in one dimension and woke up in another."

"And in the other dimension...were we..."

"I think I've loved you in every dimension," he said softly, "I loved you in Hell, Buffy. I don't knowwhat happened here, but I want to make it right."

"I have a date," she said, feeling the tears reappearing.

"Riley Finn," he said with a unmasked growl.

"Yes," she said, "How did you know?"

"You dated him in the other dimension," he said and then added shamefully, "After I left you."

"You broke up with me in the other dimension too?" she asked angrily.

"Yes," he answered sheepishly, "I'm an ass in all dimensions too. Can we talk?"

"I have a date," she repeated, and finally headed for her closet. She flipped through the hangingclothes and felt his eyes digging into her.

"You mentioned that. I don't know why I left you, Buffy. Probably something about my soul andchildren and sunlight. But my soul is permanent now and I..."

"Your soul's always been permanent," she said, pulling a dress from the hanger and turning toface him questioningly.

"I never lost my soul?" he asked.

"No," she said.

"I never turned evil?"

"No."

"Then why did I leave you?"


17/45

"You said you didn't love me," she said, biting into her inner jaw to keep from crying.

"I lied," he said with a deadly serious look on his face.

"I'm not so sure," she answered, allowing the tears to fall freely.

"I love you, Buffy," he said crossing the room and pulling her into his arms, "I love you. I swear Ido."

She allowed him to hold her for a few moments and relished in the feel of his arms around heragain. It felt so perfect and that's the reason she also thought it couldn't possibly be true. It wastoo perfect.

"I have to go," she said, pulling away and slipping into the now wrinkled dress she'd been holding.She slipped into the first pair of shoes she could find, which didn't match her dress.

"Buffy, isn't there a way we can talk about this?"

"I don't know," she said, heading toward the door and avoiding the mirror and the look in hisbeautiful brown eyes, "Not now."

Buffy left the room and closed the door behind her and Angel stayed there, leaning against thewindow as she headed out the front door with another man.

Part Four - "Missing Something"

Please feedback at [email protected]

LYRICS: All lyrics are by The Counting Crows

AN: To clear up any confusion, I consider this fic taking place in S6, however, since it is an AU fic,I've warped the time lines a bit. So there are elements of S4,5&6 in this fic. Hope that doesn'tconfuse anyone. If it does, just attribute it to my fever. *G*

RATING: PG-13

DEDICATION: For Mai Shine

***

if you think that i could be forgiven...i wish you would

Angel climbed slowly out of Buffy's window and prowled the streets of Sunnydale looking forsomething to kill. He really wanted to follow Riley and Buffy and he would be trailing them rightthen if he thought he could get away with it. But he was sure that Buffy would catch him soonerrather than later and would be more pissed off at him than she already was. So he forced himselftoward the cemeteries, where he was fairly certain their date was not taking place.

He took out a couple of lesser vamps and kept patrolling, hoping that something would clickinside his mind, some idea that would present itself as the solution to all his problems. He wasn'teven sure if his son existed in this alternate dimension. He made a mental note to ask Cordeliaabout it later and was sure he was going to get yet another stupefied look of exasperation, but hehad to know certain things about his life. Like, was Darla alive? What about Spike and Drusilla?

A rustle in the trees made him look to his right and he knew immediately that the rustler inquestion was not a vampire, "Who's there?"

"Me," Anya said, stepping into plain sight.

"Hey," Angel said.

"You're looking a bit less large and glowery in this dimension," Anya said gloomily, having stillprocrastinated on her decision of whether or not to contact Xander.
mailto:[email protected]:[email protected]


18/45

"You remember too?" Angel asked.

"Yes," Anya said, hopping up on a gravestone to sit, "You were already dust when Buffy's Dadmade the wish, but I'm responsible for this dimension."

"Oh," Angel said, "Okay, that clears a lot up. What did he wish?"

"That he had never left his family," Anya answered, "Because of that, Buffy never moved to

Sunnydale but you did. She visited the Hellmouth a lot over the years to fight whatever dangerwas here, which is why you were involved in this world too."

"So, are we stuck here?" Angel asked, "I mean, is it going to change back and then I'm going tobe dead again?"

"That depends," she answered honestly, "Here's the thing. If I stay a vengeance demon and stayalive, then this world will remain. If I don't and decide to return to my human form, then it mightchange back again."

"So what you're saying is that I can die any minute now," Angel said, feeling as if his heart waspounding even though it remained still in his chest.

"Possibly."

"Wonderful," he said, turning around to head in the opposite direction.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to find Buffy and make things right," he yelled over his shoulder as he began to run away,"If this dimension disappears and I die then she'll never know how much I love her. Thanks Anya!"

"You're welcome," Anya said, now very confused. Angel obviously didn't realize that if he told herhe loved her in this dimension, she wouldn't know in the other one. She looked at the spacewhere the vampire had been and decided not to mention that little detail. She slid off thegravestone and began to walk idly in the direction that Angel had gone. If she didn't act soon andsomeone figured out what happened with the wish, she could fail again. And lose Xander again.Picking up her feet, she began to run as well. Forgetting the common sense she had justgathered for Angel, she followed her heart. She couldn't lose love again this time too.

***

she's tired and lonelyscared and depressedher visions of one day go racing the next

"Hi Buffy," Riley said as she opened her front door. He took a second to look her over and sawthat she looked tired. Her eyes were puffy as if she had just been crying and her dress waswrinkled. He thought that it looked like she had been wringing it in her hands for a while beforeshe put it on, "You look...upset, actually."

"I've had kind of a bad couple of days," she said honestly, "But I'm fine, really. Ready to go?"

"Sure," he said uneasily, stepping aside so that she could step out on the porch. She turned andyelled a goodbye to Willow as she closed the door and a falsely happy voice rang out an echoedgoodbye back.

"Where are we going?" she asked, with a tenth of the enthusiasm she had planned to drum up

before Angel's little visit.

"Are you hungry?" he asked, answering her question with a question.

"Not really."

"Okay. Well, I was going to take you to dinner but since that's out, I thought I would take you toThe Bronze. I know you always said you liked it there."

"Okay," Buffy said, nodding absently, still thinking of being in Angel's arms and the words he hadsaid to her. In particular, she couldn't stop hearing "I love you, Buffy" again and again.


19/45

"You know," Riley said, stopping in the center of the sidewalk and turning to her, "If you aren'tfeeling well maybe we should do this another night. You look like you're really not into this."

"I'm sorry, Riley," she said, "I just...yes, can we do this another night? I really didn't plan to be likethis."

"That's okay," he said, leaning in to peck her cheek, "Rain check?"

"Sure," she answered. She watched him walk away and stood there less than a block from herhouse caught in confusion. The steps it would take from her house to Angel's seemed to rise upand beckon her. After a few minutes, she turned and followed them.

***

i'll follow you down baby, down into this valleyi'll follow you down baby, but i won't come up again

Angel raced across town and checked every place he could think of to take a date in Sunnydale.Since it was such a small place, there really weren't that many places a couple could go. Hechecked every restaurant and every diner. He even checked the rows of shops and boutiques,although most were closing or already closed by the time he got to them. He sped past the movietheatre, knowing there wasn't really a way for him to go in and check every showing for Buffy.Finally, he headed to The Bronze and found the place pretty dead for a Sunday night. Among the

people there, none of them were Buffy or Riley.He headed back out into the night, silently praying that Buffy was not at Riley's house, in hisbedroom, where the fucker could take advantage of the emotional distress that he had caused.Just the thought of that commando jerk touching his girl - again - made his skin crawl - again. Helooked up as someone stepped in his path and found himself face to face with Charles Gunn.

"Gunn," he said, wishing he could remember what his relationship was with him was in this newworld.

"How the hell do you know my name?" he asked, narrowing his eyes as he looked over thevampire, "I guess in this small of a town, you'd figure out who the new face is. I wanna talk to you,

Angel."

"About what?" Angel asked, tensing himself for a fight.

"My girl," he said, "And if you plan on hurting her again.""Buffy?"

"Uh, yeah, jackass," Gunn said, "I'm pretty sure that you already know about my relationship withher and I sure as hell know about your whatever that was with her."

"You were involved? With Buffy?"

"You think we were chess partners?" Gunn asked sarcastically, "Look, I'll be quick cause I gottaget back to LA and The Slayer will kick my ass if she knew I came here, but I want to warn you, ifyou hurt her again I'm going to stake you without thinking twice about it. I don't care if you have asoul or not."

"Was she...in love with you?" Angel asked, feeling as if he had already been staked.

"No, of course not," Gunn snorted, "The only person, well, you're not a person, but whatever. The

only thingshe ever loved was you. Fucking Angel this and fucking Angel that. Gets old. Especiallywhen she's crying on my shoulder. I just want to let you know; you hurt her, I'm coming back. Andnext time I'm not going to be so nice."

"Nice," Angel said with a little laugh, "Look, Gunn-"

"I don't want to hear it!" Gunn shouted, "Just know, I willcome back for you if I have to."

"You won't have to."

"Yeah," Gunn said, "With an asshole like you, I can almost mark my damn calendar."


20/45

Angel watched Gunn turn and walk away, debating with himself on who he could possibly be inthis world. If he never turned evil, then what could he have possibly done to Buffy to make him sohorrible? He tried to remind himself that it took Gunn a very long time to accept him as a goodvampire and that a lot of people didn't like him initially. If he broke up with Buffy on the pretensethat he didn't love her, then it wasn't hard to believe that everyone would hate him. But Willowdidn't seem to.

Willow!he thought. Maybe she could clear all this up. If he couldn't find Buffy, then Willow was thenext best source of information.

***

why'd you leave me 'till i'm only good for waiting for youall my sins...i said that i would pay for them if i could come back to youall my innocence is wasted on the dead and dreaming

Buffy walked into the mansion and found it empty. She thought that Angel probably wouldn't comeright back here after she went out with Riley. She was a little surprised that he hadn't beenstalking them in the shadows and even though it would have pissed her off if he had, she couldn'thelp but be disappointed that he hadn't.

"Any one here? Angel?" Buffy called, hearing only her own voice echoing back to her. She madeher way to his bedroom and stood there looking at his bed. There it was, the place he had madelove to her a hundred times, the place where they had started to plan their future on the littleweekends she had stolen to be with him, the place where he told her that he didn't love heranymore.

She was so confused. It had been almost a year since he told her to leave and go on with her lifewithout him. It was almost as if he had become a different person overnight. She shuddered whenshe remembered how harsh he had been and how his words had been painfully exact, cutting herto the quick with each consonant and vowel being its own separate strike to her soul.

She sat on the edge of the bed and smoothed her hand over the crimson bedspread, recalling herconversation with Willow on her next visit to Sunnydale. Willow had said that Angel had firedDoyle and Cordelia, booting them out of his life. There was also a rumor that Darla, Spike andDrusilla had been in the mix, causing a ruckus in town. By the time Buffy got back to Sunnydale,all three were missing. No one had seen or heard from them at all in the last year. In fact, even

Willy wasn't sure where they went. Rumors had been flying all over town that Angel had killed hisSire and his two children, but no one saw it. Apparently, Angel had set all three of them on fire butthey had survived that and were seen later.

She shivered with the memory of Willow and Xander recounting all of the Sunnydale happeningsto her. She had never seen Xander so reluctant to share bad news about Angel, but even he hadto admit that there was something very different about the souled vampire. Buffy had yearned togo to him and talk to him the whole time, but he had made it more than clear that he didn't wantanything to do with her. Ever again.

Now he thought he could just glide through her window in that incredibly sexy way and professhis undying love? And his excuse was that he woke up in another dimension? Even The Slayerhad a hard time swallowing that one. At the same time, though, she wanted nothing more tobelieve that he did love her and that this was all some big misunderstanding. Maybe he did love

her. He certainly seemed serious when he said it. God, it was almost like he had never broken upwith her.

***

i will wait for you

Riley walked in The Initiative and the alarms were going crazy. Just as he got out of the elevator,his beeper went off for him to report in and he was glad that he had decided to come in, althoughhe would have preferred it if he had been beeped in the middle of an actual date, rather than acanceled one.


21/45

He hurried down the stairs, jumping down the last four and catching the arm of the first soldierthat ran past him.

"What's going on?" he shouted over the sound of the alarms and pounding feet.

"Three HSTs have escaped, sir," the guy shouted back, "Hostiles 17, 18 & 19. One male and twofemales. They are considered extremely dangerous."

"Have they made it off the grounds?" Riley shouted."Yes sir. Teams are being deployed now to retrieve them."

"Thank you," Riley said, running further into the complex, searching for his team, which should bestanding by for his orders.

***

she'll change so suddenlyshe's just like mercuryyeah, but she's all right with me

Angel made his way to Buffy and Willow's and found the house dark and quiet. He stood on theporch for a second and listened, hoping that he would hear something to indicate that someonewas home, but he didn't. He waited a minute more before deciding not to knock and headed back

home. He fought the urge to climb back up to Buffy's window but she wasn't there. He was certainof it.

The mansion was silent when he arrived and he went to the kitchen to feed before heading to hisbedroom. His mate was curled up on the bed fast asleep in her wrinkled dress and he nearly

jumped for joy when he saw her there. He wondered how far she got into the date before shecame here, but realized that it didn't matter. She was here now.

He laid down beside her and propped his head on his elbow looking down at her face. He alwaysloved to watch her sleep. It was the only time that she took on that look of absolute peace andsafety. He loved that look and liked to think she had it because she was with him, even though heknew that probably wasn't the case. He brushed her hair back from her face and kissed her brow.

"Angel," she murmured, after feeling his cold lips touch her skin.

"I'm here, love," he answered, smiling down on her as she blinked. She shifted positions and

buried her face in his chest, squeezing her eyes closed again.

"Don't say anything," she whispered, her voice muffled into his chest, "Just hold me and we canpretend none of that ever happened."

"Okay," he said, kissing the top of her head as he wrapped her arms around her. He was happy topretend none of "that" ever happened, especially since he really didn't have any idea what "that"was. Not in this dimension anyway.

After several seconds, she seemed to break her own rule as she sat up and looked into his eyesas if she were searching for the truth, "You really still love me?"

"I love you, Buffy," he said, making himself as clear as possible, "Whatever I said before wasn'ttrue."

"Are you going to do that, what you did before, again? Cause I need to know ahead of time."

"I don't remember what thatwas, love," he answered honestly, "But if you mean, am I going to tellyou I don't love you and break up with you again, then no, I'm not going to do that again."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Good, because I was starting to hate you," she said, nestling back against him again.

"I already do hate you," a voice said from the doorway and they both looked up to see a verypregnant Darla leaning heavily on Spike, with Dru standing behind them. Buffy looked on in


22/45

confusion as Angel leapt from the bed and hurried over to place his hands on her protruding belly.

"Connor," he whispered and looked up at her with a smile, "It's all going to be different this time."

"This time?" Darla asked, arching one delicate brow at her former lover.

"Our son," Angel answered, "Long story. Never mind."

"You mean you aren't bloody surprised that you knocked up your Sire?" Spike shouted, "Have

you lost your gob, mate? She's a pregnant vampire."

"I know," Angel said with a large grin. Peeking back over his shoulder, he saw the pale andshaking form of his mate as she stood by the bed with a stake in her hand and confusion on herface.

"Angel?" Buffy asked, looking over the faces of the three soulless vampires and finding them justas confused as she.

***

Part Five "Surprises"

***

well, i guess there might not be too many who would stand beside you now

"You're responsible forthat?" Buffy gasped, pointing her stake at the pregnant vampiressdarkening Angel's doorway.

"Yes," Angel answered, nodding slowly, "But Buffy, if you give me a chance, I can explaineverything."

"I thought you couldn't remember anything," she snapped angrily. She thought about trying toleave but Darla was blocking the only exit and standing behind her were the two formidable formsof Spike and Drusilla. They all looked exhausted and hungry - starving actually. Darla licked herlips as she stared at Buffy's throat. Nothing was more tasty to a starving vampire than a Slayer.

"I can't," he said, "But it's complicated. This happened before, in the other dimension. In amoment of despair I cut off everyone I cared about and was essentially driven insane by my Sire.I slept with Darla when I was at my very lowest point and she got pregnant. I'm sure that's whathappened here. It may seem unbelievable, Buffy-"

"You're right about that," she said, feeling the need to punch him or her or both, "This isunbelievable. You're a vampire! You can't have children. And you slept with HER?"

"There's a prophecy," Angel answered, "Darla is carrying my son. I lost him in the last dimension.He was stolen from me. I've been give another chance...to save him. Buffy, he's human."

"Human?" Darla shouted, feeling as if all the human emotions that had recently been clouding herbrain were finally making sense, "This thinginside me is human? It's not possible. I've triedeverything to get rid of it-"

Darla stopped talking and did what a vampire never did. She turned her back on The Slayer.Spike and Drusilla did the same as they heard a rustle coming from behind them. Footsteps werebecoming more clear and the three moved into defensive stances. Angel crept up behind themand knew Buffy was at his side, peering over the shoulders over the others and in between theirbodies to see what the danger was.

"They found us," Drusilla whispered, holding Spike's arm nervously. She didn't want to go back toThe Initiative. None of them did. Being trapped in those tiny rooms for months on end with nowarm blood was horrible. Not to mention the fact that half the blood they were given was druggedin some way, so they rarely fed at all during their stay.

"I'm not going back there," Darla growled, reverting to game face as she scanned the dark roomahead of her for movement. Vampiric eyes saw the barrel of the gun poking into the room butthey didn't expect the ammunition to be tranquilizer darts.

***


23/45

the altar is empty and she'll never be a little girl again

"Since when did you knock?" Xander asked, stepping aside from his apartment door to let Anyain. He looked over her face for a second and reached up to caress her cheek, "Something wrong,

An? You look a little pale."

"N-no," Anya said, walking in the room just enough so that he could close the door behind her.This was the first time she had desperately wanted something to result in a wish besides exactingpain and mayhem. She looked over her lover's face in confusion. She thought, or she assumed,that she wasn't with him in this dimension. She was certain that she would have to start all overbut he was leading her to the couch and sitting her down. His eyes were searching hers urgentlyfor answers.

"Honey," he said, caressing her hand in his, "You're an hour late and you look freaked. So, I'mguessin' that you might be upset about something."

"Do you love me, Xander?" she asked, glancing down at the diamond on her finger. How had itescaped her notice before? Was she just so used to it being there that she didn't think anythingabout its welcome weight on her hand?

"Yes," he said, nodding with confusion, "You know I love you."

"And you really want to marry me? Are you going to leave me at the altar, Xander? Do you want

to go through with this wedding?" She asked, clutching his hands as she spoke."Of course," he said, smiling oddly, "Where is all this coming from? Have you been talking withyour demon friend again, because you always get like this whenever she's around and-"

"No," she answered shaking her head, "I just need you to know something."

"Okay."

"If you don't want to marry me, then tell me now. Break it off now. I can't go through this later," shesaid. She almost had to force the word "later" out instead of "again."

"I want to marry you," he answered confidently, "That's why I asked you to marry me. Are youhaving second thoughts again? Because we've been through this a million times."

"Me? Second thoughts?" she asked.

"Very funny," he said, kissing her gently and grinning his token goofy smile, "We'll just keeppretending you don't have cold feet. Whose the guy here anyway? Do you still want to go out ordo you want to stay in tonight?"

"I love you," she said, slumping back on the sofa and smiling dreamily at him.

"I love you too," he said, shaking his head at her strange behavior, "Sooo...pizza?"

***

well i heard you let somebody get their fingers into you

Riley Finn stood looking down at the bodies of four vampires and one very beautiful almostgirlfriend. He was already disturbed that he found his canceled date for the evening in thismansion on Crawford Street in the company of four vampires, but she was laying in the doorwayof the bedroom. He didn't want to think of the possible reasons she could have been in thebedroom. The tall, dark vampire had blocked her body with his when the firing started and beforeshe was shot, she had tried to drag him back into the bedroom to safety. It was all a little toostrange to contemplate.

"We're going to have to taken her in," Forrest said, standing next to his friend and looking downon the girl, "She has to be quarantined until we know for sure that she..."

"I know," Riley said, clearing his throat. He turned to face the men waiting for his orders andcleared the emotion from his face, "Gather them up and let's take them in, men."

The two teams under his charge moved forward immediately. Riley gathered Buffy in his arms,taking sole responsibility for her, much to the surprise of all of them except for Graham and


24/45

Forrest who exchanged worried looks. This wasn't good. Not at all.

***

i got friends who care for me

"So, Buffy did not come home last night?" Giles said, looking at Willow over his glasses withconcern.

"No," Willow gulped.

"And you've checked with...what's that boy's name?"

"Riley," Willow said, "He said he hadn't seen her. He said she canceled their date last night, butGiles, I saw her leave with him and she didn't come back home. I called Angel's only to find thathe's missing too. Cordy said that there looked like there had been a struggle at the mansion. Noone's seen either one of them."

"Perhaps The Initiative has something to do with this," Giles mused, swirling his tea in theporcelain cup absently.

"That's what I'm thinking," Willow answered, "They were going to break it down after the wholeAdam thing, but they didn't for some reason. We were never able to find out why."

"Let's call the others," Giles said, moving toward the phone.

***

don't try to feed mei've been here beforeand i deserve a little more

Angel was angry and growling like a crazed beast when he woke up to find himself trapped in atiny cell with Spike of all people. Buffy, Darla and Drusilla were not in the cell with them oranywhere in sight, but Angel knew that Buffy was in the complex somewhere. He could feel herpresence close by.

Two bags of blood were lying in the center of the cell but Angel ignored them and crossed to theglass wall. He touched it once and felt an electric surge pass through his body which only pissedhim off more.

"Don't drink the blood, mate," Spike said, resting in the corner casually, "It's probably drugged."

"You think?" Angel snapped, "Of course, it's drugged. The Initiative is notorious for maimingvampires."

"Well, that little bit of information would have been helpful months ago when we were captured. Ican't bloody believe we escaped tonight and we're already back in this hellhole. I want to killsomeone."

"Me too," Angel growled, surprising his Childe.

"Be my guest," Spike grumbled back, "In fact, I hope you take out every combat boot wearingwanker in the place, just as long as I get to leave."

***

well, i know i don't know you and you're probably not what you seemaw, but i'd sure like to find out

Buffy looked up when the door to her cell opened and Riley stepped in, looking down at herwhere she sat huddled in the corner.

"You're free to go, Buffy," he said gently, holding out his hand to help her to her feet. She refusedhis help and stood up on her own, glaring at him angrily.

"I can't believe you locked me in this...this prison after all I've done to help you in the past," Buffysaid, in a quietly cold voice and made shivers run down Riley's spine, "You lied to me. You saidthat this place was going to shut down after what happened but all you did was renovate."


25/45

"It was going to be shut down," Riley said, "But they changed their minds."

"I can see that," she said, walking quickly out of the cell and into the safety of the hallway. Shestopped and turned back to him, as he stepped out of the cell and closed the door behind him,"What happened to the vampires?"

"They're being contained," he answered, "But why were you there? You're supposed to be slayingthem, not chatting in their bedrooms."

"Don't talk to me like you have any idea what my life is about. You have no right. What I wasdoing there is none of your business or The Initiative's," she said. She turned and walked downthe hallway, mostly to hide her look of relief that Angel was okay. She knew he wasn't dead. Shecould still feel him inside of her, but she always doubted that feeling. She always made herselfbelieve she was imagining it.

Riley followed her silently as she stomped angrily ahead of him and as she turned the corner, sheheard the distinct sound of her lover's angry growl. She surged ahead and looked into the cell thatcontained Angel and Spike.

"Buffy," Angel growled, moving as closely as he could to the glass, sporting his game face. Spikejumped to his feet and walked up too.

"Let us out of here, Slayer," Spike said, "Bloody people are inhospitable here."

"Open this door," Buffy said, looking over her shoulder at Riley.

"I'm not letting those bloodsuckers go," he said, crossing his arms defiantly.

"Just Angel," Buffy said, pointing out the dark haired snarling beast, "He has a soul, Riley. He'sgood. You can't keep him here."

"That's Angel?" he asked incredulously, "Your ex is a vampire?"

"Yes," Buffy said, "Now set him free."

"If he's so good, then why was he hanging out with the other three? Why were you for thatmatter?"

"We were trying to figure that out when you and your buddies barged in," she answered, "Theyjust showed up and then we were all attacked."

"No," Riley said, "What I mean is why did you break our date and then go see your ex-demon?"

"That's none of your business," she said quietly, looking over at Angel who had stopped growlingand reverted to his human face. He had been wondering much the same thing. Truth be told, hedidn't care, as long as she was with him and not Riley.

"You think The Slayer's gonna leave Angel for you, insipid boy?" Spike said, laughing heartily,"That's a bloody riot! Let me give you a little tip. She can't get enough of my old Sire here. She'llnever love you."

"Spike," Angel warned, "That's enough."

"Aw, come on, Peaches," Spike said, leaning against the wall and propping one foot back on thewhite tiled wall, "You know as well as I do that despite your pesky soul you would love to kill himfor touching your mate."

"I don't kill humans," Angel answered, meeting Buffy's gaze."Yeah," Spike snorted, looking over Riley with his head cocked a little to the side as if he weretrying to decipher a puzzle, "I bet you'd make an exception for him."

"Shut up, Spike," Buffy said, "You're not helping."

"Temper, temper Slayer," Spike said, "She's really testy. You probably couldn't handle the girlanyway."

Riley reached out and touched Buffy's shoulder, causing a growl to erupt from Angel and asprinkle of laughter from Spike.


26/45

"Get your hands off my mate," Angel growled, trying to speak normally, but failing.

Buffy shrugged him off but turned to face him, "I need you to let Angel out."

"I can't. It's against regulations."

Buffy sighed and thought about continuing to argue, but hit him instead. One well planned punchto the temple, knocked him out cold. She reached for his card and opened the door. Angel hurried

out and back kicked his Childe, sending him flying back into the cell. Pressing the release, thedoors slid closed, locking Spike back inside.

"You can't lock me back up in here!" Spike screamed, running back to the glass, "Come on!"

"Sorry, Spike," Angel said, "But I can't have you running the streets again."

"You fucking wanker!"

"Let's get out of here," Buffy said, tugging on his arm as she glanced back at Riley's prone form.

"Not yet," he said, "I have to find Darla."

"What?"

"She's carrying my child, Buffy. I can't let The Initiative get a hold of my son."

***

well, i guess you left me with some feathers in my hand

"This is unprecedented," Giles said excitedly, "You're sure Darla is really pregnant? And withAngel's child?"

"Yes," Buffy said, settling onto the couch sadly, "And he'll do anything to protect her. Anytime youwant to comfort me instead of acting all weird and Watcherly, that'd be nice."

"I'm sorry, Buffy," Giles said, scanning his bookshelf, "It's just that vampires cannot procreate. It'simpossible."

"Apparently not," Buffy fumed.

"Dead boy's having a baby, huh?" Xander said, "Great, just what we need. More of his kind."

"That's just it," Buffy said, "Angel says the baby's human."

"Are you certain?" Giles said, eyes bulging in such a way that Buffy thought they were going totouch the lenses of his glasses.

"That's what he said."

"Wow," Willow added, looking over at Tara to see the same shocked look on her pretty face, "Ahuman baby?"

"Normal," Buffy said, "Just a human child. But Darla said she tried to kill it and couldn't."

"She attempted to abort it?"

"Well, I don't know what she tried," Buffy said, "Only that she wanted it gone and couldn't get ridof it. There's some sort of supernatural protection.

Mutual Sensations

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Transcript of Mutual Sensations