Literary Magazine

Spring 2001

/lÿ€ The Literary Magazine

Quinnipiac universityHamden, Connecticut

Spring 2001

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Editors-in-Chief

Lynnsey E. Eukin

and

Kristie L. Sobeck

lo,ÿie The Literary Magazine

Table of Contents

Compensated

Free WillPhotoUntitledPhotoInertia

The Horizon

PhotoA Bond Between Friends

MotherFruitErikFireMy Knight in Less than Shining ArmorPhotoThe Impossible DreamNatural AffinitySketchLove and Loss on the A Train

The GirlLost

PhotoRepartee

PhotoThe MotherPhotoThe LakePhoto

Kristie Sobeck 2

Lynnsey Eakin 3James O'Neit 3

Steffanie Fletcher 4Metissa Drueht 4James O'Neit 5

Medea Lamberti 6Lynnsey Eakin 6PameLa Moret[o 7

Lynnsey Eakin 8Jennifer Monaco 10

Lynnsey Eakin 11Anonymous ! 1

Kristie Sobeck 12Metissa Drueht 12Dana Ritter 13Brian Dietrich 14Nick Metitto 15Dan Rinatdi 16Jackson ELUs 17Lynnsey Eakin t 8James O'Neit 19

Kristie Sobeck 20Metissa DruehL 21Brinton J. Moore 22

Kristie Sobeck 22MKS 23MeUssa Drueh[ 23

Cover photo by Lynnsey Eakin

Compensated----

You've learned to say good-bye,Never to say hello.You never used to have trouble holding on.But now you have no problem letting go.

You plunged yourself into your own reality,Dismissed your hopes and dreams.Through your denial and oppression,You took things for what they merely seem.

I tried so hard to compensate,To give what you could not.Trying desperately to remember,The things you always forgot.

The way you held me so close,And kissed me sweetly with your eyes closed,The way our bodies united,And our souls become transposed.

Something changed in your mind,The passion disappeared from your eyes.The person once filled with love,Became consumed in his lies.

You're not the same person I used to care for,The desire has all but disappeared.There's no laughter in my eyes,You have filled my life with tears.

I tried so hard to compensate,For the things you are deprived of,There is nothing left between us anymore,Your soul can no longer be revived.

-- -- Kristie Sobeck -- --

-- Free Will

-- -- James O'Neil-- --

Converse universe, where the inevitable is avoidable. Equilibriumrectified, salvation multiplied, mercy non-existent in the face of terror. Atitle wave consisting of everything constant in time, encompassing yourmind, body, soul, causing you to reach out, desperately, franticly, graspingfor air, as you are being pummeled, downward by a force, incomprehen-sible, to your meager, demeaning existence. Life itself is upon you, chal-lenging you to prove your worth, and that you do in fact possess an ounceof relevance on this endless journey in time. A point, a life that is as goodas nonexistent one hundred years from now, for your life is only relevantnow, not forever. Forever is not accessible to our simple minds, for we donot know where it began and we lack the ability to perceive something thathas no end. Infinity is beyond anything man could possibly construe in hisbrain, no matter how urgent the pulsating vibrations against his skull,screaming for an understanding of the unattainable. For life is a massiveillusion of stability, sturdiness, substantially for we are but a grain of sandfrom which we began and to which we will soon return. We fool ourselvesinto believing we choose our own paths. Yet all paths converge andintersect at a point of good and evil. The path of your descent was deter-mined a long time before you had the power to even think.

---- Lynnsey Eakin ----

InertiaPoet lips are thebest to kiss.

They have saidthe what's rightabout all this.Poet hands are the

best to hold.They have heldthe pen thatdreams have told.Poet thoughts are the

best to hear.They have with-stood comingacross unclear.Poet pasts are the

best to find.They'll try toexplain whatthere is in the

Poet's mind.-- -- Steffanie Fletcher -- --

I am a bold little fishSome time ago- I parted from my school and left the shelter of the reefTo explore the abysmal depths of the open seaI was pleased to discover an ocean vast in possibilities- uncharted and freeAn ocean of independence- where everything is fresh and brilliantI welcome my fellow denizens of the deep who are trappedEncircling tidal pools of mediocrityLook beyond the slender partition of sandThe open sea awaits you

Escape stagnation of the mindThe wind, the tide, and the ocean sprayAll whisper words of changeMake waves through your own volitionFlood over your boundaries

And swim where the current takes youThe wisdom of infinity lies within the depth of your imaginationWash out your inhibitions with the tideShame is the predator, which devours instinctLook not to the fish bright of color for inspirationEnvy is the shiny lure cast for the fool to strikeLook not to the school for directionAssimilation is the undertow, which erodes characterRemember-

In the broad sea of lifeFreedom is the right of all sentient beingsExplore it and utilize it to the fullestUntil the day the trawl of fate snares usAnd we journey to find our place among the stars

-- -- James O'Neil -- --

-- -- Melissa Druehl--- --

-- The Horizon--

Life sits quietly

over still ocean waters

rising with the sun, lighting new horizons

setting on disappointments

--A Bond Between Friends --

The sun sets

emotions change to sadness

affections hidden

behind evening clouds of grey

No matter what happens in my life -

Through every triumph and every fall,

I know you are the one I can count on -

The one I can always call.

The sun rises

emotions shown

A ray of color

paints the sky pink

Your love and support never end-

Our time together means so much to me,

I'm glad that I'm able to call you my friend -

Without you I don't know where I'd be.

-- -- Medea Lamberti -- --

No one understands me quite like you do-

What I want, what I feel and what I'm going through,

And though we may not always agree-

We respect each other's unique personality.

There are times when words must be spoken-

And conversations last through the night,

But there is silent understanding that promises won't be broken-

And reassurance that everything will be all right.

I know our friendship will last forever-

Abond that ties our lives together,

The memories and experiences I will always treasure-

My heart won't forget- I will always remember.

-- -- Pamela Morello -- --

---- Lynnsey Eakin-- ---6- -7-

For with my mother there are always second chances.

--Moÿer--My mother is a mountain, strong steadfast, and sturdy.Like the mountain she has been on this earth before me,But all I will say is she stopped counting at thirty!!

A mountain has valleys, rivers, and streamsThese are the magic, the beauty in me,For I am the reality of my mother's dreams.

As a child I coward at her enormous power.But it is her strength that taught me to grow,blossom and flower.

Her knowledge is constantly flowingLike a cool mountain stream,Just as the wind through the trees will always be blowing.

A place where I lay my head upon,Her lap is a valley, sheltering and safe.I feel comfort, pain gone.

The warmth of the sun on my face,The tickle of a willow in the wind,These are the warm caresses of my mothers embrace.

A brief reÿrn to childhood from her hand's stroke,A wonderfuJ, fleeting, innocence,An emotion only my mother's touch could evoke.

There are bad times too, as a mountain has avalanchesBut with each a lesson is learnedAnd to a new height our relationship advances.

We return to our loving glancesWe cry, laugh, and hug

She has helped me in every single endeavor.Her teachings, knowledge and love,I know she is there for me whenever...

Her legend, like a mountain is forever,For through my existence she will live on,You know mothers, they are really quite clever!!

We begin every day with and "I love you"We journey on our ways, to our own adventures,Fresh as the morning mountain dew.

As I grow older I am still discovering the wonders of the mountain.Yes there are canyons and rockslides over which I may stumble.But around every comer awaits a beautiful fountain.

Over every obstacle, she helps me throughLessons in love and life she teaches,Tried and true.

One day my mother, my mountain turned to me to say,"Look around you my daughter""Tell me what you see today."

In amazement and wonder I looked around,Distant and small was the very place i learned to crawl.There was the ground, so very far down.

I continue to glance, now turning my head above,Millions of mountains surround me,Each represents a generation of love.

Their trees are plentiful, rivers, and valleys too,for me to be high, standing tall among them,is this too good? Could this be true? It is all brand new!!

Now it is clear, how easy to see,Much like an eagle,I am now intelligent, independent, and free.

I realize I still have a way to go,For on my mountainOnly one tree does grow.

But it is a symbol of life vivid in me.My mountain must flourish, green as can be.For I am who I am, the mountain is me.

Thanks to my mother for all eternity.-- --Lynnsey Eakin --

Fruitÿ Erikÿ

The lioness has quieted her roar-she founded equality with manI stoke her-she hasn't to runnor to leap from the lionnot any farther.

Here she is-there she standsin the tall grass under the blue blanket sky.

She told the lion with a flash of lightof her being from inside,her thoughts of his rulethe sounÿ of her voiceI hear her-she hasn't to runnor to leapno longer not farther.

The lioness found her woman worldwithin mother nature,might mother earthI feel her-a quiet roar.

She has felt an ultimate ecstasyplaced in the grass that rolled in the breezeIike ripples in the blue water seashe breathed within-wind breathed without-whirled round the lioness bodya unity.

Lion observed ladyroamed under rainfalla thunderbolt has struck and echoedacross the patriarchal landshe no longer under he.

the lion's paw place upon tree willowsadden for a momenta mere moment-then regained his manlonely non.

Here she is-there she stands-one mother nature's land-

in the swayed grassamong the blafLket skythe lioness laid down afarseparated from patriarchy-created equalityI am her...a quiet roar

Sip your drink, make it last, you drink your death with that tiny

shot glass. Order another, pound it down, drink your beer, closing time

is drawing deathly near.-- -- Lynnsey Eakin -- --

m FIRE--

-- -- Jennifer Monaco -- --

Fire is a young woman. She contributes to the world by sitting in big

chairs in libraries. Here she pretends to be someone else.

Someone whom people love and need to be with. Then, a boy

named Reality walks by and demolishes Fire's spirit, by not even

noticing her existence. Fire does not cry. She just shovels that

feeling into the rest of the piles of broken dreams in the excavation

that was her soul. She only cries when the pile overflows. This is

when her mind is drained by unhappiness and she becomes inert to the

rest of the world. And Hope walks by. He stops and looks at

Fire, seeing her true beauty, and invites her to float to the realm of

happiness. Fire leaps, leaving any traces of Reality and her

judgement behind. She becomes enthralled by life! Hope assuages the

burnes of her soul. He takes her to places she'd never thought

existed. They soar over Fire's library and Hope extinguishes her

burning by placing his soft lips on hers and opening her heart to

place a piece of himself into it.

Then Fire finds herself lost and alone. She begs for Hope. She lusts

for Hope. She looked behind herself and lost track of what was

ahead. She crashed into the swarm that was Reality. He did not

ask if she was al! right, he only laughed and ripped open her heart

and took Hope away from her.

Fire is a young woman. She sits in a nice, big, red chair. She loses

her happiness to the power of tears. While her soul becomes empty

again, she makes a huge contribution to the world.

-- -- Anonymous -- --

-10- -11-

-- My Knight in Less Than Shining Armor -- The Impossible Dream

For so long, I've wanted loveTo waltz into my lifeWith promises of fantasies ftdfilledA warm body against mineA whisper of sweet nothings in my- earSecurity I could depend on.

With dreary visionsAnd clouded thoughtsI'd venture deaf and blindWith my shining knightOn his white horse.

With clearer vision and thoughtI look to my heartAnd findMy knight's armor is dullShining less bright than when I first sawHis horse was beigeNot white as when I first mountedSo I revise my thoughtsMy mistakenly fulfilled needsAnd realizeI mistook the love in my heartFor the lust between my thighs.

-- -- Kristie Sobeck -- --

But my paralyzed heart soon awokeFrom it's sleepy tranceCalling to my eyes and mindMaking me stopAlong this blissful pathMaking me realizeI was riding in a nightAbsent of the moon.

-- -- Melissa Druehl-- --

J

I wound up a whirlwind of emotionsA high tide turned floodA spark turned brushfireViolent, capping wavesRoaring, crackling flamesBlissful, gleaming hope.

I want a man who can work miracles. When he offers me the

moon and the stars in the sky... I want them.., in a little velvet box. I want

ocean waves with my name written on them and mountains wrapped ina giant red bow. I want promises kept and I want a little truth, for once. I

want someone who can read my mind and act surprised all at the sametime. I want some proof. Because no matter how beautiful.., words are

just words.., talk these days is cheaper than ever.., and promises too often

wind up empty. I want, I want, I want...I want a man whose kisses still

tingle on my lips hours after he's left. I want the warmth of his armswhen he's miles away. I want someone who inhales insecurity and

exhales confidence. I want a man who answers my questions before I have

to ask them. I want him to belt out love songs, no matter where we are

and no matter how hideous his voice. I want rooms filled with balloons...

shiny heart shaped balloons that he's half embarrassed to be holding. Iwant him to say things to me like: "I've been waiting for you all my life,"or "I love you so much my heart's gonna burst" ... like they do in mov-

ies.., and I want him to be able to prove these things to me... somehow, I

don't know how.., but he would. I want a man that could carry anythingI handed him and still be able to hold doors for me and pull out mychair. I want to see some manners without motive, just sheer acts of

chivalry.., which, by the way is not dead. I want someone who can make

my grandmother blush with delight, who makes my mother laugh, myniece giggle, and my dog obedient. I want someone who can take my

headaches away by distracting me and whose massages make my wholebody electric-jelly. I want, I want, I want... I want a many whose not

afraid of a little hard work. Someone who comes home from the office,

or- ya know, wherever, after a hard day and not only does not take it out

on me but greets me with a gigantic smile. I want to wake up to thesmells of gourmet coffee and the taste of his kisses. I want someone to let

me steal the covers and take up most of the space on the bed. I want to

smell his cologne on my clothes at the end of the day, even if I haven'tseen him at all. I want picnics in the sunlight surrounded by daisies or tobe caught in the rain, drenched and laughing. I want someone whodoesn't know the meaning of disappointment. I want perfect timing atall times. I want perfection.., and why not? I'm sick of putting forth allthe effort and then lowering my standards. Lower and lower and...

Lower! Forget it! I want someone who wants me as much as I want him...

maybe more. I want it all! I want the impossible.

-- -- Dana Ritter -- --

-12- -13-

".IIIII!lIIIII

"Natural Atÿnity"

- The bliss from a dream,that keeps you in bed

Oh gracious peace for the racing mindDo you know that feeling,when you first wake up,and you want to go back

where you know what to say,who you are, what you need

To learn you'd live and die for happiness,you never knew you wantedA place where life's tumblers,

fall into place,flat on your back,

Asleep to the world.

I

t

-- -- Brian Dietrich -- --

_.__2

....................................................... /,za=-, " .t.Cda_.ÿ_

-- --Nick Melillo-- --

-14- -15-

--Love and Loss on the A Train m

In the morning I wake for the early commute

Day in and day out, the same boring route

Today I am late so I quicken my pace

My feet pound and ground through the station I race

For the train car I hurry with coffee in hand

With luck one seat left - I don't wish to stand

As I sit down, the train jolts to a start,

But before it can move the doors fly apart.

From my reading I turned to observe the commotion

And the vision before me swelled my emotion.

By the sight I was taken, with this my heart soared

An unequaled beauty had just come aboard

My eyes quickly moved over inch of her frame

Each fiber inside me burning hot like a flame

Frantic I tried to summon up something clever

Mind Blank - Half a smile was all I could endeavor

To my surprise she responded with her very own smile

Its brilliance must have warmed men's hearts for a mile

Her features so lovely, her moves filled with class

This rare opportunity I could not let pass

I rose from my seat so she could sit down

But once again Fortune chose to make me his clown.

"Thank you," she said in a voice sweet as cane

"But this is my stop and I'm leaving the train."

Onto the platform she stepped glancing over her shoulder

Out of the train and my life - I wish I'd been bolder

Once more I saw her - Blurred as the train sped by

Perfect forever she'd be in my memory

And though a few words is all we have spoken

In my mind she will stay, the last subway token.

The Giri--

Once,When I was fourteen,I saw this girl of about the same age.She was as beautifulAs anyone I had ever seen.I sat at the same table as herIn an apres-ski lodge,Where it was so crowdedI had no opportunity to shy awayFrom the blonde hair,Blue eyes,And charming, innocent smile.It was a smile unlike any I'd ever seen before.She looked at me, gazing through my eyes,Unrelentless and hypnoticAnd I sat helplessly smiling back,Locked to my chair.

And then I noticed that her chair had handlebarsAnd wheels.And then I noticed that her smile was vacantAnd austere.

She rolled her head and eyes loosely toward her mother.A low, gurgling soundWithout a trace of languageCame from her mouth,As a spot of droolSlid down her chin.

--- Dan Rinaldi -- --

-- -- Jackson Ellis -- --

-16- -17-

Emotions construed emphatically.

Anything that makes sense to say is wrong, nothing helps, wanting tobe strong but he's slipping farther from her grasp. He is much like sandthrough the palm of her hand.

Identity swept away, much as a dead, dark, dry leaf on this fall day.

A moment of joy, replaced by a torment in my soul, unleashed arefeelings of unbound terror, yet knowingly restricted by fear.

Fire consuming her face, ears, she's turning to black. He can't see so hedoesn't realize, shouldn't he know? Can't he tell? She is losing control.Look what he is doing!

Hope lost, vanished from my eyes as I feel abandonment. Left alonehere in an unfamiliar world. Spellbound, as I am whisked awayventuring minute by minute on this turbulent ocean of life.

Push, thrust, heave, my way into insanity, thinking, questioning whatis this farce?

This world in which we live.

Striving day to day to obtain a level of normalcy, to pretend, toconvince oneself that there is some sense to be made out of all whichsurrounds us, to live under the faulty pretense that al! of this actuallymatters.

The attempt to achieve that which will make us proud, fulfilling ourevery selfish need. Yet what is pride, is it the ultimate joy or ratherthe source of all pain and destruction?

Taking this to a level I fight to reject.

Pacing back and forth massive confusion, unclear, screaming, shout-ing, thinking, pondering, endless ambiguities streaming down asconfetti from a pifiata, decorations disguising the truth, celebratingthe harshness of reality; balloons ready to burst at any moment,much like the feeling in your head. The thumping of blood throughyour veins, heart wildly pounding, you feel as though you are goingto explode.

Where to run, to whom to turn, the voice of reason, the same asdiscern.

The enemy, the allay, the friend, the one who evoked this terror fromthe depths of your soul.

Run to her when it threatens to overcome, yet why not run from? Asyou try to explain this you are pushing her away, she feels closed in,helpless, powerless.

Yet to then become diametrically opposed characters, impossible.Open doors slamming shut in my face, trapping me for what maybe eternity by a single thread on my sleeve.

Wondering how two can share such feelings expressed with suchdepth, feeling contentment in the mind. Far beyond any physicalinteraction is this phenomenon.

The line crossed, the bridge in flames.

A heart broken for a shared passion for wisdom, comfort unknown.Boundaries crossed, hurt pain, discomfort strain, everything takenaway now intensified.

What could have been.

Disillusionment, the rejection of the companionship longed for, finallydiscovered; the greatest of fears realized.

She was afraid. Sheopened up to him andgave away a mostprecious key to thecombination of her mind.

A combination no oneelse had ventured touncover.

A castle exists, beautifuland wondrous but isinaccessible to her graspfor surrounding thetreasure is a moat filledwith dragons, demons,and demise.

To lose touch with theone who could reachacross the depths of themurky waters, unbear-able. To possess the lovefor one's mind, how doesone express?

Not to be mistaken forany scant, infantile, naiveemotion, yet not a lovecommon to man.

----Lynnsey Eakin ----- -- James O'Neil-- --

-18- -19-

ReparteeLie beside me,

In an eternal moment of grace.

Take your time,

Love me not in such haste.

Caress my skin

With the calluses of your fingertips.

Taste my sweetness

With the chariÿ of your lips.

Absorb my body

With the scrutiny of your eyes.

Utilize the night

I lie down as your lover

In morning's light

I'll walk with shame

Head hung low

Back hunched

Carrying the weight of an ambiguously passionate night.

The words you spoke in confidence

Ring in my ears

Hang heavily on my heart

Burden my hopes

Distort my reality

Can you look me in the eye?

Can you whisper the same words

When unguarded by the shadows of the night?

That fall

Fall

On my face

Covering my eyes

As your body looms ominously above.

Take a stand!

Unlock the front door!

Cast away the security of indecision

Or is it only under the protection of the sheets

That you feel reassured?

Yes I will question

I want an answer

Yes I will roll my eyes

And sigh

Frustrated by your apathy.

No longer will I choke in solitude

Forced to swallow the words I hoped to hear.

I'll back in justice

Be consumed by deliverance

As I shout the words you never wanted to hear

Let them bash your ego

Let them blacken your pride

As you shrink in shame

-- -- Kristie Sobeck -- --

-20-

-- -- Melissa Druehl-----21-

-- The Lake--

-- -- Kristie Sobeck -- --

I see two trees shaped like Y'sOne is open

The other one shy

The fu!l moon - a beautiful sightThe moon behind the douds

A face compassionately brightI'm warm but the air is quite brisk

This moment aloneHas enlightened my bliss

The leaves sound like raindrops in the early morningThe surroundings

Peacefully employingBells from the tower create the mood

It compliments the whistling treesCoherently smooth

Although one view can have so many storiesAnother view

Might possess more glorySo I shall move to another place that endears

Because BeautyCan overtake any fears

-- -- MKS -- ---

-- The Mother--

The wind through the leavesThe sun and the moon

Solitude with mother natureRevitalizing my soul

Stress, anger, fear all fade from my conscienceFree, finally free, from the wrongs of society

Those who hate and hurt do not know the motherThey are lost...

They have no directionIf only they could be with Mother and IEverything, everyone, could Finally...

Be Free

---- Brinton J. Moore -- ---- -- Melissa Druehl--- --

-22- -23-

/tÿe The Literary Magazine

On behaff of the Montage we would like to thank thefollowing people for all their hard work and support

that helped to make thispublication possible:

The Student Government Association

Michael Miller

Ed Kovacs

Nancy Cunningham and her staff at Campus Copy

The English Department at Quinnipiac Universityespecially

Steve GottliebMark Johnston

Mary SegallPatricia Comitini

andSharyn Nelson

The English Club and all those who contributed theircreative work

Lynnsey Eakin & Kristie Sobeck

Magazine designed & printed at Campus Copy, Incorporated2001