Module 11

Communication Skills

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Module 11

Communication Skills

11a Content and CommentsThis module contains a selection of explanations of communication styles andexercises, as well as some basic exercises like how to discuss a case. The formatdiffers slightly from the other modules. The exercises can be used for a specifictraining on communication skills, but they can just as well be used as an integralpart of any other training.

11b Objectives� to understand the importance of verbal, non-verbal and para-verbal

communication.� to explore personal experiences with non-verbal communication.� to learn about basic communication skills.� to distinguish active listening responses from non-listening responses.� to introduce and practice with open ended questions.� to define paraphrasing and summarizing.� to apply paraphrasing and summarizing.� to understand the advantages of “I” statements.� to learn about reframing through examples and exercises.� to define the characteristics of good feedback.� to practice constructive feedback.

11c Suggested Training Schedule

Part I Verbal and Non-verbal Communication time in minutes11.2 Exercise: Para-verbal Communication 1511.3 Exercise: The Sound of Silence 1511.4 Presentation: Non-verbal Communication11.5 Exercise: A Hand Story 3011.6 Exercise: Verbal and Non-verbal Communication 1511.7 Exercise I’m Happy, I’m Miserable 15

Part II Basic Communication Skills11.8 Exercise: Following Directions 3011.9 Presentation: Active Listening11.10 Exercise: Active Listening (1) 3011.11 Exercise: Active Listening (2) 3011.12 Exercise: Listening for Feelings 30

Part III Listening to Clients11.13 Presentation: Listening to a Client11.14 Exercise: Non-listening Responses 4511.15 Presentation: Listening to a Client Continued

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11.16 Presentation: Open-Ended Questions11.17 Exercise: Open-Ended Questions 45

Part IV More Communication Skills11.18 Presentation: Paraphrasing11.19 Exercise” Paraphrasing (1) 3011.20 Exercise Paraphrasing (2) 3011.21 Presentation: Summarizing11.22 Presentation: “I” Statements 11.23 Exercise: “I” Statements (1) 3011.24 Exercise: “I” Statements (2) 3011.25 Presentation: Reframing11.26 Exercise: Reframing 4511.27 Presentation: Feedback11.28 Exercise: Feedback 4511.29 Presentation: Receiving Feedback

11d Ideas and Suggestions for Trainers� Ideally, the trainer(s) is (are) skilled in communication training� The exercises can all be done in about two days, but they could also be

included in other trainings� It is possible to do some physical exercises in between� From time to time, in between exercises, there should be some discussion on

how the participants can use these exercises in their work.

11e Training Material� Overhead projector and sheets� Handouts� A collection of picture postcards

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11 Content of the Module on Communication Skills

Part 1 Verbal and Non-verbal Communication

11.1 IntroductionWhen we start planning group- or individual work, in both psychosocialprogrammes and any other activity around helping and working with people, itis a great advantage to be acquainted with basic communication skills. This isespecially relevant for counselling and/or therapeutic work.Unfortunately, good communication is not taught at school, the education systemis not directly aimed at more successful communication. Consequently, themajority of people communicates by means of what they pick up in everyday life,sometimes more, sometimes less successful.

Verbal, non-verbal and para-verbal communicationWhen we talk about communication amongst people in general, we need to bearin mind that communication consists of three basic segments: verbal, non-verbaland para-verbal. Verbal CommunicationVerbal communication has to do with the contents of what we are talking about,the words that are spoken.Para-verbal CommunicationPara-verbal communication represents the way we speak. We send messagesthrough the strength, tone and colour of our voice, and with the speed of ourwords and sentences. All of these elements significantly influence the way we areinterpreted. Our listeners discern our mood and the state we are in throughpauses in speech, trembling of our voice, its strength and firmness

11.2 Exercise: Para-verbal Communication (15 min)

Objective: To become aware of para-verbal communication.

Steps:1. The trainer thinks of a sentence (for example, “Today is a beautiful warm and

sunny day and I feel really good,”) that the students then have to repeat outloud in different ways, changing:� tone (monotone, flat, lively, different intonation, hesitantly, trembling,

broken)� speed (fast, medium, slow)� volume (loud, medium, soft)� diction (clear or unclear pronunciation, different regional accents)

2. Discuss the exercise: � What did you notice about the different ways of repeating the sentence?� How did speed affect the meaning of the sentence?� How does the same sentence come across when uttered loudly or very

quietly?

Another important aspect of para-verbal communication, which is rarelymentioned, is pauses in a client’s speech, which can last from seconds to several

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minutes. Pauses can either be negative and rejecting or positive and accepting. Itis impossible to pin down exactly the meaning of all pauses, but the followingare the most frequent reasons: � the client has reached the end of a thought� anxiety, embarrassment� the client is experiencing some particular painful feeling which she is not

ready to share� the client leaves an “anticipatory” silence when expecting something from the

counsellor (information, support, interpretation, reassurance)� the client is thinking over what she has just said� the client is recovering from fatigue of a previous emotional expression

11.3 Exercise: The Sound of Silence (15 min)

Objective: To encourage listening skills and the enjoyment of silence.

Material: A series of picture postcards.

Steps: 1. All participants sit quietly in a circle and focus to hear the most distant sound

outside the room. Then spend a minute or two listening to a sound frominside the room. Finally, everybody listens to the sounds from their ownbodies and thoughts. Afterwards everyone in the group shares theirexperience:� What was it like to be quiet?� Was it hard?� How often are you quiet?� How often do we actually hear little sounds?� What happened when you listened to your thoughts?

2. The pictures are distributed around the room for everyone to see and allchoose one that impresses them in some way. Now, the participants formpairs and explain to their partners why they chose this particular picture.Each takes their turn to speak for 3 to 5 minutes while the other encouragesher to talk without interruption.

3. Get back into one group again and discuss the exercise:� What was harder for you: speaking or listening?� What was it like to be heard?� How did it feel to listen for 3 minutes without interrupting the speaker?� How well did your partner listen?� How often do other people really listen to you?� How often do you really listen to other people?

11.4 Presentation Non-verbal CommunicationThrough non-verbal communication we send out a great number of messagesabout how we feel, what we think and our reactions to people from oursurroundings or a particular situation. In order to basically understand this

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concept, it is useful to divide non-verbal communication into communicationthrough body signals and the communication through the surroundings.

Non-verbal communication behaviour through the body:� eye contact - looking at a specific object, looking down, looking steady at the

helper, shifting eyes from object to object, covering eyes with hands� eyes - tears, “wide-eyed”� skin – looking pale, blushing� posture - indicator of alertness or tiredness, “eager” and ready for activity,

crossing legs, arms crossed in front, hanging head� facial expression - stoical, wrinkling forehead or nose, smiling, biting lip � hand and arm gestures - symbolic gestures, demonstration of how something

happened� repetitive behaviour - tapping foot or fingers, trembling, playing with button

or hair

Non-verbal communication behaviour with regard to the environment:� distance - moving away (or forward) when another person moves closer� position in the room - moving around the room, protecting self by having

objects (e.g. desk, table) between self and other person, sitting position (in thecentre of the room, side by side)

� clothing - neat, untidy, casual/formal, warm/cold colours, lively/ dull,expensive/ Spartan

11.5 Exercise: A Hand Story (30 min)

Objective: Explaining non-verbal communication through one of its forms.

Steps:1. The group splits up into smaller groups (ca. four per subgroup, preferably

persons who do not know each other but would like to become acquainted).The subgroups sit in small circles, hands lightly folded in their laps. Thetrainer gives the following instructions:

Close your eyes and get in touch with your body... Notice what is going oninside your head... Become aware of you breathing... Notice tension ordiscomfort... See if you can become more comfortable... Now bring your handstogether as if they were strangers... Let them discover each other... What arethe hands like...? Let your hands rest again... Open your eyes. Reach out to thehands of the persons on both sides of you.... Be aware of your thoughts,images, and fantasies... Say hello with your hands... Gently try to get to knowthese hands... Try to express different feelings and attitudes through yourhands: � express playfulness� be caring and tender� be active� express arrogance� be timid� express anger

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� be loving� express irritation� express joy� act depressed� express happiness

2. Come back to the large group again and discuss:� How did you feel holding your partners’ hands?� Were you able to convey the assigned emotions with your hands?� Were you able to feel the other ones’ feelings through your hands? � What feelings were the easiest to receive?� What feeling was the easiest to express with your hands

Non-verbal CommunicationThe position of our body while we talk, gestures, movements, eye contact, colourof voice, all these signals emphasize, or sometimes even shape the way ourmessage is understood. Although we often presume that the content is the basisof what others pick up from us, this is only true if our verbal, para-verbal andnon-verbal messages are in accordance. However, when the spoken part of amessage is in discord with the position of the body and colour of voice, theinterpreted meaning of the message changes significantly. Research has shownthat the content of a speech makes for only 30 percent of the message, while thelistener, consciously or unconsciously, grants more importance to para-verbal andnon-verbal messages.

11.6 Exercise: Verbal and Non-verbal Communication (15 min)

Objective: To become aware of the verbal, non-verbal, and para-verbal aspects ofcommunication, and to recognise messages where these three aspects do notagree.

Steps:The trainer or one of the participants thinks of a sentence that is as simple aspossible (for example, “I’m glad to be here with you today and I hope we have agood and productive day”). This sentence is expressed in three different ways:� Sit in a comfortable, open position (legs and arms not crossed), smile, look the

others in the eye, loudly, clearly, and cheerfully utter the sentence.� Pronounce the sentence just like the first time – happy, loud, and clear – but

sit with your legs and arms crossed and look at the floor.� Sit with your legs and arms crossed, look at the floor, slowly rock back and

forth, hang your head, and in a quiet, shaky voice, almost as if you were aboutto cry, say the assigned sentence.

The discussion: � When did you most believe in the words?� What led you to believe it?� What led you to not believe it?� What was your impression of the second way of expression (the non-verbal

message did not agree)?

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� What was your impression of the third manner of expression (the non-verbaland the para-verbal message did not agree with the contents)?

� Exchange personal experiences – When did our own messages “disagree” orwhen did we notice that someone’s verbal and non-verbal messages weredifferent?

11.7 Exercise: ‘I’m Happy, I’m Miserable’ (15 min)

Objective: To illustrate discrepancies between verbal and non-verbalcommunication.

Steps: All participants sit in a circle. One player turns to her neighbour andbegins by saying either: “I’m very happy,” while making a miserable face, or bysaying: “I’m very miserable and sad,” with a very big smile. Continue around thecircle, with everyone carrying out the assignment as well as they can.

Discuss: � How do you feel about this exercise?� Was it difficult for you to say that you are happy while making a sad face?� What was more important, the words or the facial expression?

Explanation: Leading theorists and practitioners in this field hold that non-verbalbehaviour should be seen as a key to the emotions and motives of a person thatare beyond behaviour or reactions. The advisor should bear in mind that thesame behaviour in two different people does not mean the same; it does notmean the same even with the same person in two different situations (cultural,social or situational differences). Non-verbal behaviour reveals additionalinformation about a client, her feelings and thoughts to the counsellor. Often, aclient sends one message through words and a completely different one throughher body, voice or facial expressions. Providing feedback to a client about hernon-verbal behaviour helps her to become conscious of that behaviour andencourages her to share with us those important and unstated feelings. Apart from being skilful in observing and reacting to non-verbal messages of aclient, a counsellor should also be conscious of the influence of her own non-verbal behaviour towards the client. It is important for the counsellor to createnatural, relaxed and genuine eye contact, to sit openly, without obstaclesbetween her and a client and to assume a relaxed and natural body position.

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Part II Basic Communication Skills

In this section we will discuss basic communication skills: active listening, open-ended questions, paraphrasing, summarizing, “I” statements, reframing andgiving or receiving feedback. The following skills are at the basis of the therapeutic/counselling process andused by most counsellors and therapist regardless of their particular theoreticalorientation.

11.8 Exercise: Following Directions (30 min)

Objective: To illustrate communication difficulties.

Material: (Handout 1) One for the demonstration, enough copies for all pairs.

Handout 1- DIRECTION FOLLOWING

Samples of few simple pictures:

Steps: The group splits up in pairs. One of each pair takes a picture and givesinstructions to the other to reproduce it. No short cuts, such as descriptivephrases, are allowed. The participant describing the picture should not be able tosee the drawing until it is finished. Wait until everyone is done and compareyour results. The partners switch roles.

Discussion:� Was it easy or difficult to get the picture just right?� Why?� Did you receive clear and good instructions?� Do you think that you gave clear and good instructions?� Did you find that at times your partner was unable to understand what you

meant even though it seemed perfectly clear to you?

11.9 Presentation: Active ListeningActive listening is the first condition for proper and especially successfulcommunication. Its basic component is comprehensive listening. The well-knownpsychotherapist C. Rogers says it is done through “thinking with a client”, andnot “thinking about a client” or “thinking instead of a client”. To do this we need

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to follow the constant verbal, para-verbal and non-verbal messages of our clientwhich requires a high level of concentration and appropriate reactions to showthe client that she is really heard and to serve as an incentive for continuing anddeepening communication.

Active listening demands full attention. Problems and attitudes can be expressedin a number of ways, and it is up to us to “tune in” to all of these channels –non-verbal communication (position of the body, gestures, long pauses, speed ofdelivery), voice (tone and colour), and actual words.

11.10 Exercise: Active Listening (1) (30 min)

Objective: To be aware of how we feel when someone listens to us or does notlisten to us.

Steps: The group splits up in pairs. Each pair has a Person A and a Person B.Person A starts by talking for 4 minutes about something that is significant inher life at the moment. Meanwhile Person B listens carefully for two minutes(trying to show her partner non-verbally that she believes that what person Asays is important). The remaining two minutes person B does not listen at all(and makes every effort to show that she is not listening). They change roles.

Return to the large group and discuss the exercise:� How did you feel when the other person listened to you carefully? � How did you know that she was hearing you? � In what way did she show that she was listening to you? � How did you feel when the other person did not listen to you?� How could you tell that she was not listening to you?

11.11 Exercise: Active Listening (2) (30 min)

Objective: To encourage listening skills.

Material: A collection of different postcards distributed around the room.

Steps: The pictures are distributed around the room in a way that everyone cansee them and all participants choose one that impresses them in some way. Thegroup splits up in pairs and each person has 3 to 5 minutes to try to explain whyshe picked a particular postcard. The listener will encourage her to speak withoutinterruptions. Then the partners change roles, the listeners become the speakers.

Return to the large group and discuss:� What was harder for you, speaking or listening?� What was it like to be listened to?� How did it feel to listen for 3 minutes without interrupting?� How well did your partner listen?� How often do other people really listen to you?� How often do you really listen to other people?

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11.12 Exercise: Listening for Feelings (30 min)

Objective: To identify the feelings behind what is actually said.

Steps: The group splits up in pairs. The couples talk to each other aboutsomething that is important to them (for example a relationship, a problem, theirjob) for about three minutes. After the first person has spoken for three minutes,the listener has one minute to describe the feelings that she imagines thespeaker has about the subject. The couples change roles. Still in pairs theparticipants discuss how the exercise felt and where they agree and disagreeabout the feelings that were identified.

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Part III Listening to Clients

11.13 Presentation: Listening to a ClientListen carefully to the client. Your direct attention should be focussed on:a) Content (words, the story behind the problem)b) The meaning of unfinished sentences (“And then he did THAT to me.”)c) What is not being said d) Speed/tardiness in deliverye) Pauses in speech f) Contradictions, ambivalence, paradoxesg) Changing of the subject during the conversation h) Feelings (whether the woman states them herself, or they are not actually

voiced in words)i) Your own reaction to what the woman is telling you

You know you are not actively listening when:� you order your client what to do (“First you apologize and pack your things,

we will discuss everything later.”)� you scare your client (“If you do it that way, all sorts of things will happen.”)� you moralize and/or lecture (“It is best for children to have both parents and

you will deprive them of that.”)� you give cut-and-dried answers or solutions (“In such situation, it is best to

stop all previous contacts, go to a social worker, file for a divorce, etc.”)� you criticize, estimate and judge the client or her behaviour (“What you have

done was neither wise nor responsible.”)� you interpret her words in your own way (“You say your marriage is bad, that

means he neglects and physically abuses you.”)

11.14 Exercise: Non-Listening Responses (45 min)

Objective: To recognize it when people respond in ways that indicate they aren’tlistening, and also to demonstrate how it feels not to be listened to.

Material: Small text for role-play exercise.

Steps:1. The trainer reads a text (or creates a role-play scenario with a member of the

group) to demonstrate a non-listening response, for example:Anna: My day was a complete disaster.Mom: Please, honey, not now, I’m trying to get this cleaning done.Anna: My boss started shouting at me in front of everyone.Mom: I’m sure that she had good reason.Anna: Well, I don’t know the reason.Mom: I’m sure she knew it.Anna: It was really hard for me.Mom: You’ll have forgotten about it tomorrow.Anna: I am so embarrassed.Mom: Oh, you’re such a pain to me and your father.

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Other situations for role-playing are also possible (non-listening responsesbetween friends, colleagues at work, or between partners). 2. After the exercise have a discussion with the group:� What types of non-listening responses do we use every day?� Why do we use them?� Identify other types of non-listening responses.� How do you feel when you want to be heard and someone gives you a

typical non-listening response?3. Write all types of non-listening responses that are raised in the group

discussion on the flip chart (e.g. changing the subject, being busy, switchingoff, being a know-it-all, brushing the topic aside, giving false hope, etc.).

11.15 Presentation: Listening to a Client ContinuedThe only exception to the rule that says not to give advice is in crisis counselling.Here it is necessary to provide concrete information or advice on where andwhom to go to for help or support. In order to develop more successful communication, after careful active listeningit is useful to gather additional information (open-ended questions), to checkhow well you have understood what your client has told you (paraphrasing andsummarizing) and to offer your own feelings and thoughts on what has beensaid (“I” statements). Also, sometimes it is necessary to reframe the problem forclarification, directing it towards positive aspects, enhancing betterunderstanding and finding common positions with regard to the problem.

(Sheet 2 Handout 2)

ACTIVE LISTENINGActive listening includes quiet listening followed by feedback to the client aboutthe:� understanding of the content� acceptance of the client’s feelings

11.16 Presentation: Open-Ended questionsAfter we have carefully listened to a person’s problem, story or account, we oftenhave a need to obtain additional information in order to create a clearer pictureof what has been said. To do this we use additional questions. Open-endedquestions ask for more information than a yes or no. This type of questionsopens the door to a discussion of feelings rather than facts, and encouragesclients to share their concerns and explore their attitudes, feelings and thoughts.

11.17 Exercise: Open-Ended Questions (45 min)

Objective: Revealing the role of open-ended questions and their uses.

Steps:1. The group splits up into threesomes. Each group has a Person A, a Person B,

and a Person C. Person A speaks of the last time she had fun or took a

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vacation. Person B asks open-ended questions in order to keep theconversation going. Person C takes notes of all the open-ended questions sheobserves in the course of the conversation.

2. Return to the large group and discuss:� What open-ended questions were used (count them)?� What effects did they have on the dynamics of the conversation? � Were the questions appropriate, and were they asked in the right way?

Explanation: Open-ended questions are often mistakenly understood or used as akind of direct questions about someone’s characteristics and intimate issues.They may seem to aim at the problem in no roundabout way. Asking questions insuch a way is not always productive. Moreover, they may leave our interlocutorwith the impression that we are in a hurry, that we do not have the time to hearthe story at the speed suitable to her. She might find the questions inappropriateand too hasty.

(Sheet 3 Handout 2)

OPEN - ENDED QUESTIONSOpen-ended questions enhance conversation and sharing of information. It isdifficult to answer them with one word (YES / NO). They require additionalexplanation.

“Can you tell me some more about it?”“What would you like to add?”“That is interesting. I would like to know more about it.”“How will it reflect on …?”

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Part IV More Communication Skills

11.18 Presentation: ParaphrasingAfter we have listened to a person, it is wise to check to what extent we haveunderstood what was said. We should always bear in mind that communicationis a two-way process with two people participating. The way we listen tosomeone depends on a series of factors – our own mood at the moment, ourlevel of concentration, various connotations we ascribe to the same words, etc.For that reason, allow yourself the opportunity to repeat what you have heard inyour own words in two to three sentences. This way, your client is able to correctyou or to add something that is important to her. She may unintentionally haveleft something out earlier on.

11.19 Exercise: Paraphrasing (1) (30 min)

Objective: To become aware of paraphrasing.

Steps:1. The group splits up in pairs. Each pair has a Person A and a Person B. Person A

speaks for five minutes about her wants and needs at this moment, andPerson B actively listens, without interrupting or asking questions. ThenPerson B has one minute to paraphrase everything that she heard. Switchroles.

2. Return to the large group and start a discussion:� How did it feel when your partner was actively listening to you?� How did you know that she was listening to you?� How well did your partner paraphrase your wants and needs?� How did it feel when another person expressed your wants and needs?

11.20 Exercise: Paraphrasing (2) (30 min)

Objective: To become aware of paraphrasing.

Steps:1. A possible variation on the exercise, “I Would Walk for Miles.” A member of

the group tells what she would walk miles for. Then the next personparaphrases her statement in her own words (for example, “I heard that mycolleague would walk miles for her child, a meeting with a close member ofher family, her partner, to find herself, etc.”) and continues with what sheherself would walk miles for. Then the next participant takes over and so on.

2. Return to the large group and begin a discussion:� How difficult was it to paraphrase your neighbour’s words?� Was it hard to think of your own answer while you were actively listening

to the other participants? � Was any reason especially unexpected?� Were any reasons repeated?

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(Sheet 4 Handout 2)

PARAPHRASINGTo paraphrase is too repeat in short a person’s statement in your own words. Itcan be in the form of a question or a statement. It invites your collocutor toconfirm your statement, enabling you to check whether you have understood thecontent correctly.

“So, to my understanding ….”“If I understood correctly, you were saying …”“It seems to me that you are proposing …”

11.21 Presentation: SummarizingApart from paraphrasing, which is used to check a part of a story or a problem,in order to achieve successful communication, we use summarizing as well. Theonly difference between paraphrasing and summarizing is that summarizingrefers to what has been said overall. Both paraphrasing and summarizing enableus to check whether we have heard and understood correctly what our collocutormeant to say.

(Sheet 5 Handout 2)

SUMMARIZINGSummarizing includes enumerating the key thesis, recapitulation of theconversation thus far, and reformulating a longer statement into a shorter, moredirect form. It helps maintain the dialogue, secures clearness and gives room tocheck whether we have understood correctly what was being stated.

“So, the main two things that follow from our conversation are …”“On today’s meeting, we have covered three main topics. Those are …”“So far, we have agreed on the following …”

11.22 Presentation: “I” StatementsIt is difficult to name the sentences that speak about our own thoughts andfeelings, but the above-mentioned term has already taken root. Most important isthat we are not referring to what the group thinks (“We think …”) or to howsomething should be done (“This is done such and so…”). We are talking aboutourselves, our emotional response to a certain behaviour or situation. In thatway, we avoid accusing our collocutor, and give no rise to misunderstanding orconflict. This does not mean that the sentence necessarily has to contain thepronoun I.These type of sentences express our feelings and attitudes without judging otherpeople’s behaviour. By using these sentences, we retain the responsibility, nottransfer it to others.

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11.23 Exercise: “I” Statements (1) (30 min)

Objective: To learn how to use “I” statements.

Steps:1. The group facilitator describes a hypothetical situation around some problem

the whole group can identify with (for example, your workplace is far fromthe centre of town, it’s inconvenient, small, and cold, and you don’t have thefinancial means to find a new one. The coordinator is angry at the donor, theorganization, and at all her colleagues, because no one wants to address thisproblem).

2. Each member of the group makes an “I” statement about the situation (youmight want to go around the circle two or three times).

Discuss:� Do you understand the concept of “I” statements?� What effect did the “I” statements have on the group dynamics?� How does it feel to give an “I” statement?

11.24 Exercise: “I” Statements (2) (30 min)

Objective: To frame critical statements in a non-threatening way.

Steps:1. This exercise is about brainstorming techniques. Sit in a circle and combine

your thoughts to come up with original ideas. The trainer poses differentstatements which the group then rephrases into “I” statements that are asnon-threatening as possible. For example: Trainer: “You never listen to what I say.”Group members: “I have a problem.” “I feel like you don’t listen to me.”

2. Begin a discussion:� Do the new sentences sound accusatory?� Is it difficult to rephrase the sentences in this way?� How do you think this would work in real life?� Do you think that communicating in this way can be useful?

(Sheet 6 Handout 2)

“I” STATEMENTSFormula:I am + description of feelings + description of behaviour

These type of messages express our personal feelings, they do not judge and donot “correct”. We are not transferring any responsibility to the other person.Such expressions do not cause defensiveness, they foster further communicationand explanations.

“It is hard for me to follow when you are jumping from subject to subject.” (You

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are confused and unorganized.)“I am worried about the relations in the group and I need your help.” (You arenot a team player.)“I feel bad about you not completing the report because I have promised thedonor to send it.” (You never do things in time.)

11.25 Presentation: ReframingReframing is one of the most powerful communication skills, but it also requiresthe most practice and exercise. It means repeating what you have heard, butreformulated so that it is based on positive values of the message and removingnegative or judgmental implications.In order to successfully reframe a statement, we need to find the right meaningof the stated message and use it is as the basis for reframing. Recognizing andaccepting the problem of the other person mostly enables us to move theconversation in a more positive direction

11.26 Exercise: Reframing (45 min)

Objective: To become familiar with reframing.

Material: Small story.

Steps:1. The leader starts with a short story:

The Wise ManOnce upon a time there was a king who had a strange dream. He dreamt thatall of his teeth fell out. Unhappy and distressed, he gathered all of his advisorsand wise men to see if they could tell him the meaning of this dream. The first wise man humbly approached the king and said, “Your majesty. It is abad sign. It means that everyone in your family will die before you.” Thevexed king dismissed the advisor that instant, and ordered him banished to adistant land.Another advisor approached and said, “O our King! You will outlive yourentire family.” Sincerely pleased, the king gave the wise man a rich reward.

2. Share comments and discuss: � What were your impressions of this example? � Describe a time in your own life when you used reframing.� What do you find difficult about reframing? � In what situations do you think reframing could be helpful?

(Handout 2)

REFRAMINGReframing is the most complex of communication skills. It consists of severaltechniques. In order to reframe, we need to: � Notice the positive values the message is based on

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� Eliminate negative, aggressive or judgmental implications

It is useful to reframe the following:blame � needpast � futureindividual problem � common problemthreat � worry

“You have done that before and that is why you are suffering now.”Reframed: “It is important to know what has been happening and to see how toavoid it in the future so that it resolves to your advantage.”

11.27 Presentation: FeedbackFeedback is a form of communication with another person about the effects ofher behaviour on us.Whether we are able to hear and listen to feedback depends on our attitudes,beliefs, ingrained patterns of behaviour, as well as our readiness to receivecriticism. However, the formulation of the feedback is very important. There arecertain rules for the presentation of feedback and these make it easier to receiveit as a useful suggestion for further professional development.

11.28 Exercise: Feedback (45 min)

Objective: To encourage the use of positive feedback and affirmation.

Steps:1. The group splits up in pairs. Each participant in the pair introduces herself for

five minutes, thereby relating some little-known facts about herself: herunusual hobby, secret talent, etc. Then all return to the large group and eachparticipant introduces her partner by describing her experience of thisintroduction. The sentences should be short and clear. The participant shouldavoid relating every detail, but instead give their general impression of theother person (for example, “Ana is a strong person. She values accuracy andresponsibility in her life. She is ready to help others.”).

2. Return to the large group and discuss:� Was it easy for you to hear about your positive sides?� Were you surprised to hear some of them?� Did you feel good or embarrassed, and why?� Does your image of yourself match what your partner said about you?� Which view is better?

(Handout 3)

Presentation: Characteristics of good feedback:1. Feedback is not the same as criticism.2. Feedback describes, it does not judge.3. Feedback is mostly made of “I” statements.4. Information is directed to a PARTICULAR BEHAVIOUR, not the person on the whole.

20 Admira Module 11

5. Feedback refers to the SPECIFIC, not the general.6. The aim is to provide information that can HELP the other person, not hurt

her.7. Feedback should refer to behaviour that can be changed (for instance, it

should not refer to certain physical characteristics or events over which theperson has no control).

8. Feedback should be about INFORMATION, not advice.9. Feedback should be provided at the right time, ideally immediately after a

certain behaviour.10.Feedback is more useful if a person asks for it, than if it is imposed.11.Feedback should refer to WHAT and HOW something is done, not WHY it is

done.12.After providing feedback, always check whether it was understood correctly.

11.29 Presentation: Receiving Feedback1. Feedback helps us increase our self-awareness.2. If you want feedback, encourage and support the person you are asking it

from.3. Try to be open for information and don’t be defensive.4. Nothing needs to be explained or defended.5. After receiving feedback, share your feelings with the person providing it. 6. If you are not certain you have understood the feedback correctly, ask on.

21Admira Module 11

11f AcknowledgementsThis Module has been developed and written by Maja Mamula of the Women’sRoom in Zagreb.

11g Suggestions for Further Reading� Babbitt, E., Gutlove, P. & Jones, L. (ed.), Handbook of Basic Conflict Resolution

Skills. The Balkan Peace Project, MA.1994.� Brammer, L.M., Shostrom, E.L. & Abrego, P.J., Therapeutic Psychology:

Fundamentals of Counselling and Psychotherapy. Prentice-Hall InternationalEditions. 1989.

� Brodsky, A.M. & Hare-Mustin, R. (ed.), Women and Psychotherapy. The GuilfordPress, NY. 1980.

� Burstow, B., Radical Feminist Therapy. Sage Publications, CA.1992.� Cormier, L.S. & Hackney, H., The Professional Counsellor: A Process Guide to

Helping. Prentice-Hall International Editions. 1987.� George, R.L. & Cristiani, T.S., Counselling - Theory and practice. Simon & Schuster

Inc, MA. 1990.� Leffkof, M.,Communication skills - training manual. Ars Publica, Santa Fe, New

Mexico. 1993.� Meyer, S.T. & Davis, S.R., The Elements of Counselling. Brooks & Cole Publishing

Company, CA. 1993.

22 Admira Module 11

Sheets and Handouts

Module 11

Communication Skills

C o m m u n i c a t i o n S k i l l s

1 . A c t i v e l i s t e n i n g

2 . O p e n e n d e d q u e s t i o n s

3 . P a r a p h r i s i n g

4 . S u m m a r i s i n g

5 . ‘ I ’ st a t e m e n t s

6 . R e f r a m i n g

Admira Sheet 1 Module 11

Active listening includes quiet listening

followed by feedback to the collocutor

about:

� The understanding of the content

� The acceptance of the collocutor’s

feelings

Admira Sheet 2 Module 11

Open - Ended Questions

Open-ended questions enhance conversation

and sharing of information. It is difficult to

answer with one word (YES/NO). They

require additional explanation.

“Can you tell me something more about it?”

“What would you like to add?”

“That is interesting. I would like to know

more about it.”

“How will it reflect on …?”

Admira Sheet 3 Module 11

Paraphrasing

To paraphrase is to repeat in short a

person’s statement in your own words. It

can be done in the form of a question or a

statement. It invites your collocutor to

confirm your statement, enabling you to

check whether you have understood the

content correctly.

“So, to my understanding ….”

“If I understood correctly, you were saying

…”

“It seems to me that you are proposing …”

Admira Sheet 4 Module 11

Summarizing

Summarizing includes enumerating the key

thesis, recapitulation of the conversation

thus far, and reformulating a longer

statement into a shorter, more direct form.

It helps maintain the dialogue, secures

clearness and gives room to check whether

we have understood correctly what was

being stated.

“So, the main two things that follow from

our conversation are …”

“In today’s meeting, we have covered three

main topics. They are …”

“So far, we have agreed on the following …”

Admira Sheet 5 Module 11

“I” Statements

Formula:

I am + description of feelings + description

of behaviour

“I” statements express our personal feelings

They do not judge and do not “correct”.

Admira Sheet 6 Module 11

DIRECTION FOLLOWING

Samples of few simple pictures:

Admira Handout 1 Module 11

ACTIVE LISTENINGActive listening includes quiet listening followed by feedback to the collocutorabout:� The understanding of the content� The acceptance of the collocutor’s feelings

OPEN - ENDED QUESTIONS Open-ended questions enhance conversation and sharing of information. It isdifficult to answer with one word (YES/NO). They require additional explanation.

“Can you tell me some more about it?”“What would you like to add?”“That is interesting. I would like to know more about it.”“How will it reflect on …?”

PARAPHRASINGTo paraphrase is to repeat in short a person’s statement in your own words. Itcan be done in the form of a question or a statement. It invites your collocutor toconfirm your statement, enabling you to check whether you have understood thecontent correctly.

“So, to my understanding ….”“If I understood correctly, you were saying …”“It seems to me that you are proposing …”

SUMMARIZINGSummarizing includes enumerating the key thesis, recapitulation of theconversation thus far, and reformulating a longer statement into a shorter, moredirect form. It helps maintain the dialogue, secures clearness and gives room tocheck whether we have understood correctly what was being stated.

“So, the main two things that follow from our conversation are …”“On today’s meeting, we have covered three main topics. Those are …”“So far, we have agreed on the following …”

“I” STATEMENTSFormula:I am + description of feelings + description of behaviour

These type of messages express our personal feelings, they do not judge and donot “correct”. We are not transferring responsibility to the other person. Theseexpressions do not cause defensiveness, they fosters further communication andexplanations.

“It is hard for me to follow when you are jumping from subject to subject.” (Youare confused and unorganized.)“I am worried about the relations in the group and I need your help.” (You arenot a team player.)“I feel bad about you not completing the report because I have promised thedonor to send it. (You never do things in time.)

Admira Handout 2 Module 11

REFRAMINGReframing is the most complex communication skill. It consists of severaltechniques. In order to reframe, we need to: Notice the positive values the message is based onEliminate negative, aggressive or judgmental implications

It is useful to reframe the following:blame � needpast � futureindividual problem � common problemthreat � worry

“You have done that before and that is why you are suffering now.”Reframed: “It is important to know what has been happening and to see how toavoid it in the future so that it would resolve to your advantage.”

Admira Handout 2 Module 11

Characteristics of good feedback:1. Feedback is not the same as criticism.2. Feedback describes, it does not judge.3. Feedback is mostly made of “I” statements.4. Information is directed to a PARTICULAR BEHAVIOUR, not the person on the

whole.5. Feedback refers to the SPECIFIC, not the general.6. The aim is to provide information that can HELP the other person, not hurt

her.7. Feedback should refer to the behaviour that can be changed (for instance, it

should not refer to certain physical characteristics or events over which theperson has no control).

8. Feedback should be about INFORMATION, not advice.9. Feedback should be provided at the right time, ideally immediately after a

certain behaviour.10. Feedback is more useful if a person asks for it, than if it is imposed.11. Feedback should refer to WHAT and HOW something is done, not WHY it is

done.12. After providing feedback, always check whether it was understood correctly.

Receiving Feedback1. Feedback helps us to increase our self-awareness.2. If you want feedback, encourage and support the person you are asking it

from.3. Try to be open for information and don’t be defensive.4. Nothing needs to be explained or defended.5. After receiving feedback, share your feelings with the person providing it. 6. If you are not certain you have understood the feedback correctly, ask on.

Admira Handout 3 Module 11