Me and My Friend

Services collaborating creatively to support children’s development from an

attachment based perspective

Susan Elvery, Relationships AustraliaLisa Hofman, SDN Child and Family Services

The Partnership

With SDN Brighter Futures, the DoCS funded program targeting vulnerable families with children aged 0-8 years

Began mid 2006 with a significant increase in work April 2008

Run over 400 sessions using a variety of programs including 6 Me and My Friend courses

Current focus is Me and My Friend, with children and parents present, due to shift in emphasis toward attachment based intervention within SDN

The Client Group

Families with: children aged 0-8 years where there have been impacts from

domestic abuse, substance abuse, post-natal depression and other mental health conditions and children showing evidence of emotional and/or behavioural problems

and may be:

single parent families

coming from overseas with few if any supports

involved in court processes

Each family has an Early Intervention Caseworker whose role is to:

engage the families into the Brighter Futures program

assess each family’s strengths and needs

develop a ‘customised’ attachment based ‘in-home parenting’ case plan (Beth

Macgregor)

build readiness to attend

refer family to Me and My Friend

Assistance with transport and coaching parents with social phobia or

depression to attend

EIW and Me and My Friend

The Hard Resources

The Me and My Friend manual and worksheets

Name tags to decorate

Feeling cards including the St Luke’s ‘Bears’ and Stones Have Feelings Too’ cards and the ‘Strength’ cards

The Feelings Series book by Trace Moroney

The Family Book by Todd Parr

Craft materials for making special boxes and collage

Play dough, stickers, bubbles, balloons, balls, textas, pencils, soft music, hand cream for massage

The Soft Resources

Group Leaders from RA and SDN bringing:

freshness, inquiry, attention, acceptance, relationship, gentleness, safe gentle men, friendly strong women, challenges to family patterns of relating, invitation to do things differently, structure, containment, play, gifts, new information, listening e.g.' I can talk to Steven’

The Model

Program delivered over 8, 6 or 4 weeks - 1½ hours per group

Families arrive, have afternoon tea together, children and parents separate

Parents meet as a group with a facilitator discussing parenting issues

Facilitator provides educational input around attachment, children’s feelings, self care and understanding children’s behaviour in a supportive discussion group

The Model

Children work with 2-3 group leaders

For the last ½ hour parents and children join and children share work and leaders facilitate combined activity or discussion e.g. read The Family Book, make a stress ball, discuss children’s scrapbook

Weekly feedback report provided to SDN Early Intervention Workers e.g. the child who sits still for reading

How We Work Allow the children to be

Observe the way the children interact in the group context and especially within their sibling relationship

Intervene in a timely manner and use the teachable moments

Invite different ways of relating

Use what is in the room e.g. building blocks and other toys

Encourage parent and child conversations around the children’s feelings and the children managing their feelings and behaviour

Some Vignettes

The child who has good knowledge of his own strong emotions but this was overwhelming for his mother – when mother asks what to do with this suggest ‘be with them’

The child who wants to lie down with a pillow and over time comes forward and joins with the group - allowing her to ‘be’ and gentle invitation to join

Modelling to sibling and mother asking a boy with autism about his own preferences

More Vignettes The boy and the facilitator who prefer ‘pure’ colour

play dough and have difficulty coping with events out of their control - Mum valued this lesson for her son

Inviting a sibling of a child with autism to allow us to help with her brother whilst he is in the group

Learning to share – talking about how if it feels when things are scarce and you feel you need to grab for things

Containing the desire to want more and trying to teach to trust that something promised will come and that you can be remembered

More Vignettes ‘Leaning in’ to the desire for gifts by bringing

something special each week

‘Containing’ about going to the toilet and the child reaches out and hugs me

Using the toys in the group to allow a resistant child to talk about his feelings

Boy requests group to be on 2 days per week, other children ask for group to be just one more week or forever

Expression of sadness at group ending

Anecdotal Benefits

Older sibling feels more loved, valued and accepted by his mother and behaves less hostilely toward his younger brother

Child is more co-operative with mother, mother able to praise son rather than criticise, more connected relationship

Mother learns attachment based discipline techniques which do not distress child and parent, child decreased anxious behaviour and expression

Boy who has been victim of physical domestic abuse reduced verbal abuse to Mum

More Anecdotal Benefits

Behaviour at school improved - an award for staying in the one place

Sibling bonds strengthened Parent and child develop strategies that help child

deal with anger Mother who develops ability to reflect upon her

children’s behaviour and see and respond to the emotional content

Mother who understands that her children are different and need differently from her

Susan Elvery and Lisa Hofman July 2010

Mother and son wanting to spend time together - child enrolled in less vacation care

Mother sharing with child’s passion for football Separated parents who attended alternate weeks

report children feeling more supported Child who cries and seeks comfort from mum

rather than acting out angrily

More Anecdotal Benefits