McGuffy's News Prescott Vol 05 Issue 27

5 ads you should check out in this issue!You Should Check This Out!

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C-Way TowingUnlocksBoosts

Tire ChangeFuel Delivery

613-498-7436 ~ 613-802-0287www.cwaytowing.com

248 Park St., W., Prescott613-925-3784

www.chartwellreit.ca

MAYFIELDRETIREMENT RESIDENCE

Your parents helped you cross the street safely, learn to ride a bike and drive a car

Now they need you to help them make the right decision

RIVERSIDE BODY SHOPRIVERSIDE BODY SHOPRepairs To All Makes

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Christie Aluminum Products

Custom windows that are a perfect �t!An air tight investment!High quality, energy e�cient vinyl windows and doors!

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Al Stuart2924 North Edward St., Prescott, ON.

613-925-3147

Heating & Cooling Systemssince 1904

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Your Local WEEKLY McGuffy’s Edition

To Advertise Contact Your Advertising Specialist

Jon: 613 342 0428

Head Office: 306-446-2710

www.mcguffysnews.comMcGuffy's Business and Career Opportunities Across Canada! [email protected]

Johnstown, OnYour Princecraft Mercury Argo Dealer613-925-5560

Great Summer PricesOn New Fishing

Boats & Pontoons

VOL.

5

Issu

e 27 Prescott

Leeds & Grenvillewww.mcguffysnewsprescott.ca

Gift Certi�cates

For All Occasions

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or Birthday Packages

Robin’s 911 Esthetics

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Robin ShireMaster Medical Esthetician

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Tania's Hair At Home“Your House or Mine”

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No Sale

Neighborly KindnessA dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. fortu-

nately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.

incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, “hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?”

The lawyer replied, “of course, how much was the roast?”“$7.98.” said the butcher.A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98. At-

tached to it was an invoice that read: legal Consultation service: $150

“is your mother home?” the salesman asked the small boy.“yeah, she’s home,” the boy said, scooting over to let him past.The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then

again. still no one came to the door. turning to the boy, the fellow said, “i thought you said your mother was home!?”

The kid replied, “she is; but this isn’t where i live.”

Empowering Thoughts

Statistics

The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. you do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. you realize that you control your own destiny. ~ Albert Ellis

Too often we forget that the great men of faith reached the heights they did only by going through the depths. ~ Os Guinness

Losing is a learning experience. it teaches you humility. it teaches you to work harder. it’s also a powerful motivator. ~ Yogi Berra In this world everything changes except good deeds and bad deeds; these follow you as the shadow follows the body. ~ Ruth Benedict

Birth Order Makes A Difference

Worries:1st baby: At the first sign of distress: a whimper, a frown—you pick up the baby.2nd baby: you pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.3rd baby: you teach your three-year- old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Source: The Canadian Alzheimer Society

• Alzheimer disease is the fourth leading cause of death in Canada• every year approximately 10,000 Canadians die from Alzheimer’s• Approximately 1 in 100 Canadians suffer from Alzheimer’s disease• there are approximately 22,000 people in metro toronto with

Alzheimer’s• the disease occurs in 8% of the general population over 60

Your True ColorsAn artist is someone who produces things that people don’t need to have but that he - for some reason - thinks it would be a good idea to give them. ~ Andy Warhol

Job Application Bloopers here’s a list of silly mistakes people have made while writing their job applications:1. “here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”2. “wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial

institutions.” 3. “instrumental in ruining an entire midwest chain

operation.” (Perhaps he meant running.)4. “note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as job-

hopping. i have never quit a job.”

Riverside Ford Sales LtdBrockville, ON

613-345-1909

HAVE A QUESTION?OR WANT A QUOTE?

Email the [email protected]

BESTPRICEALWAYS

CASH FOR SCRAP CARS FARM MACHINERY, ETC.

613-657-4857 www.boneyard.ca 903 County Rd 21 R.R. # 4 Spencerville,On

613-341-1195 www.bonlenplace.com

BonLen Place o�ers an independent Yet active adult lifestyle combining the advantages of serene country setting with nearby shopping, medical care & entertainment.

Features & Benefits

Independent Carefree Retirement Living

Stunning 1 & 2 bdrm suites • Stainless steel appliances • Rich cherry cabinetry • Heat & hydro included • Secured entrance • Safety walk-in tubs • High speed internet available And much more!

Book Your

Personal

Visit Today!

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Starting @ $99.00

Open Daily11AM - 2AM

Varies Sunday

& Mondays

Live BandsSports on

the Big Screen

Check out our upcoming Entertainment Schedule

Bigscreen ~ Billiards ~ Touch Tune Juke Box

186 king ST. West Prescott, ON 613 - 925 - 0174

Book your Special Party with us!Birthday-Anniversary-Retirement-Stag & Doe!

Call us today for details!

There is always something happening at Boomers Sports Bar!

Watch your favourite team on our big screens! - Play Pool or

Just relax with friends and family and sample our great menu!

$$$$

$$$$

Call Jon to Advertise

613 342 0428

The Road to Success

Call Jon

Pick up mcguffy’s news every week!!

At over 85 locations inPrescott/Cardinal/spencerville/Johnstown & maitland

qui

ck

rid

dle

A Colonel’s Order

Happiness is a Journey

Good Friends

Important Memo

i Believe... that my best friend and i can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

we convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are.

After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. we will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.

we tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire.

The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. if not now, when?

your life will always be filled with challenges. it's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

one of my favorite quotes comes from Alfred d. souza. he said, "for a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid.

then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."

to make things easier for all of us please notice this important notice About notices.

you may not have noticed the increased amount of notices for you to notice. we notice that some of our notices have been noticed. on the other hand, some of our notices have not been noticed. this is very no-ticeable! it is noticed that the responses to the notices have been notice-ably unnoticeable.

This notice is to remind you to notice the notices and respond to the no-tices because we do not want the notices to go unnoticed! — notice Committee

what is the beginning of eternity, the end of time, and the beginning of every ending?

The letter “e”

A colonel issued the following directive to his executive officers:Tomorrow evening at approximately 2000 hours Halley’s Comet will be visible in this area; an event which occurs only every 75 years. Have the men fall out in the battalion area in fatigues, and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case of rain, we will not be able to see anything, so assemble the men in the theater and I will show them films of it.

I’m Fine

silly

q

uote The most dangerous position in which to sleep

is with your feet on your office desk!

farmer Joe decided to take the trucking company to court. The company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. “didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘i’m fine’?” farmer Joe responded, “well, i’ll tell you what happened. i had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the.......”

“i didn’t ask for any details, just answer the question. did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘i’m fine!’”

farmer Joe said, “well, i had just got Bessie into the trailer and i was driving down the road...”

The lawyer interrupted again, “Judge, i am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Patrolman that he was fine. now weeks after he is trying to sue my client. Please tell him to simply answer the question.” The judge denied, he was now interested in hearing about Bessie.

“As i was saying, i had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when a semi ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. i was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. i was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. how-ever, i could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. i could hear she was in terrible shape. A highway Patrolman came on the scene. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. The Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. he said, “your mule was in such bad shape i had to shoot her - how are you feeling?”

♪ Music Notes ♫♪ to win a gold disc, an album needs to sell 100,000 copies in Britain, and

500,000 in the united states.

♪ melba toast is named after Australian opera singer dame nellie melba (1861-1931)

♪ music was sent down a telephone line for the first time in 1876, the year the phone was invented.

Senior’s Discounts

Free

Estimates

New & Old - Drywall/WoodMike Dowdall, Owner [email protected]

HWY 29 Auto Service#3012 Hwy 29, Brockville, On613-342-5249

Exhaust Brakes/BearingsStruts Transmission Service

Summer Special!Save 25% OFF

We Help Keep Car Repairs Affordable!

SAM’S BRASS RACKSSAM’S BRASS RACKS

Big Screen ~ NHL Package ~ NFL ~ Nascar Sundays

Monday’s - Pool League 7pmThurdays - Karaoke

Fridays - Live Entertainment 8pm - 12pm

24 Perth St, Brockville, ON (613)498 1919

Sam’s July & August Line-Up:

July 6 The Journey MenJuly 7 Red Line (3-7)July 13 Blues HighwayJuly 20 Gypsy MoonJuly 27 City Limits

Aug 3 Jack Daniels BandAug 10 Blues HighwayAug 17 Little CaliforniaAug 24

Gypsy MoonAug 31 City Limits

visit

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!

Advertise YourNon-Pro�t Community Event

in McGu�y’s News!

+ HST00

Word Ads Starting at$15.(50 Words or Less)

Call Jon613-342-0428Today!

jon@mcgu�ysnews.com

Voice over IP Serviceall calls in Canada and USA are free

Business Service - Local Lines - $24.95 - Business Systems - Network Installation

Residential Service - $17.95 - 2 Lines - all features

voice2net.ca Local ServiceBrockville (613) 704-1248 Kingston (613) 777-0355

Single vision eyewearlenses & frames $129.00

or1 year supply $199.00Acuve advance plus

(free trial fitting included)

McGuffy’sDesigned Ads

Produce For You!

613-342-0428Call for details.

This double size adis available foryour business!

Language Woes

when Clairol presented its new curling iron in germany, it quickly real-ized the need for a bit more research.

despite being popular in the united states, Clairol’s mist stick curling iron was a dud in germany, and it wasn’t until the hair products company translated “mist” into german that executives figured out why.

“mist” means “manure,” and few german women were looking for a manure stick for their long locks.

Clairol wasn’t alone in that problem; rolls-royce was forced to change the name of its silver mist to silver shadow before unveiling the car to germans, and liquor producer irish mist also had difficulty breaking in to the german market.

Marketing Gone Awry

CRO

SS

WO

RD

Across1. half of a game5. Bonus game8. wind-driven game10. not inside12. Playing course14. Playing area

16. hole markers18. warmest seasonDown2. sink hole w/one stroke3. youths 13-194. sphere

6. Contend7. Keeps balls in course9. distance11. Appointment13. hazards15. mallet for hitting ball

mini golf

Why the English Language is Hard to Learn

1. the bandage was wound around the wound.2. the farm was used to produce produce.3. the dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.4. we must polish the Polish furniture.5. he could lead if he would get the lead out.6. the insurance was invalid for the invalid.7. the soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.8. since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to

present the present.

Did You Know?

Science Experiment

• if you stretch a standard slinky out flat it measures 87 feet long. • There are six ords in the english language with the letter combination “uu.”

muumuu, vacuum, continuum, duumvirate, duumvir and residuum. • The “Calabash” pipe, most often associated with sherlock holmes, was not used

by him until william gillette (an American) portrayed holmes onstage. gil-lette needed a pipe he could keep in his mouth while he spoke his lines.

• most Americans’ car horns beep in the key of f. • dirty harry’s badge number is 2211. • The pupil of an octopus’ eye is rectangular. • The shortest french word with all five vowels is “oiseau” meaning bird. • Camel’s milk does not curdle. • The ball on top of a flagpole is called the truck.

Make Lemonade Fizzy DrinkThere’s a lot of people out there that like drinking fizzy drinks, so why not

do a fun science experiment that leaves you with your own lemon soda to drink afterwards!

make your own lemonade soft drink with this fun experiment for kids. What you’ll need:•Lemon•Drinkingglass•Water•1teaspoonofbakingsoda•SomesugartomakeitsweetInstructions:1. squeeze as much of the juice from the lemon as you can into the glass.2. Pour in an equal amount of water as lemon juice.3. stir in the teaspoon of baking soda.4. give the mixture a taste and add in some sugar if you think it needs to be sweeter. What’s happening?

The mixture you created should go bubbly and taste like a lemonade, soda, fizzy drink, if you added some sugar it might even taste like a lemon fla-voured soft drink you’ve bought at a store. The bubbles that form when you add the baking soda to the lemon mixture are carbon dioxide (Co2), these are the same bubbles you’ll find in proper fizzy drinks. of course they add a few other flavored sweeteners but it’s not much different to what you made. if you are wondering how the carbon dioxide bubbles formed, it was because you created a chemical reaction when you added the lemon (an acid) to the baking soda (a base).

Guess The SloganFamous advertising slogans. See if you remember.

i wish i was an ______. oscar meyer wiener

Answer:

Celebrity Quotes

Star Wars

It is clear the future holds great opportunities. it also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pit-falls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o’clock. ~ Woody Allen

I Have Learned i’ve learned that if someone says something unkind about me, i must live so that no one will believe it. ~ Age 39

Everything I’ve ever learned, I learned from Star Wars• never, never, never underestimate the power of

the dark side • you will find many of the truths we cling to de-

pend greatly on our own point of view • Just when you think there is no more hope, alas,

there is one more. • never judge a “piece of junk” spaceship from the

outside. more often than not, “she’s got it where it counts.”

• your eyes deceive you, don’t trust them. • The Bad guys can’t hit the broad side of a barn. • But, “only imperial storm troopers are so precise” • Beware of judging someone else’s beliefs as just

a “hokey religion.” you just may end up eating those words.

WATTS’ SMALL ENGINESOutdoor Power Equipment Specialists

613 - 658 - 204810 Spencer St, Spencerville, ON

We Service

What We Sell!

Sale & Service Repairs to Chainsaws

CheckOut

Our Summer

Specials!

Brush & Edge Trimmers

We sharpen Chainsaw & Mower Blades

Look To Us For All Your Outdoor Needs!

Yard Boss

109 Churchill RD Prescott, ON 613 - 925 - 1734

“The Dollar Store with a Difference”OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK!

Cards - Gifts - Party Time - Toys -Crafts Scrapbooking Supplies - Used BooksGifts

ByChris

- Custom Gift Baskets- Candles- Home Decor Catalogue Sales Merchant

HELPING PEOPLE BECOMEFINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT.

Daniel G RoddickFinancial Advisor111 King ST WPrescott, ONK0E 1T0613-925-0779 www.edwardjones.com

Member - Canadian Investor Protection Fund

613-345-2110Brad Sharron, DD65 George St.Brockville, ONwww.brockvilledentureclinic.com

Excellent Service for over 14 Years!Dentures made on site = Time+Cost E�ectiveMaximum bene�ts from the most advanced denture technology

“Smile WITH CONFIDENCE!”

• Complete - partial dentures• Relines • Repairs • Soft Liners• Implant denturesNo Referrals Necessary!

Denture Specialist

Auto Parts

King Edward Auto Parts LTD

Ralph MurphyOwner

476 King ST West Prescott, ON613 - 925 - 1000 (Fax) 613-925-1002

Lawn & Garden Battery#4UL1

$19.95(after mail-in rebate*) exchange

Special o�er!

Starting at$59.95 exchange

Carquest Marine Starting Batteries(#24M4BAT)


Carquest Marine Deep-Cycle Batteries(#DC24BAT)

The Canadian Hearing Society

• improve communication • improve safety in your home

• assistive listening devices • hearing aid batteries

Phone 613-498-3933 TTY 1-877-817-8209Or visit us at 68 William Street, Suite 205

Brockville, Ontario K6V 0A7

2 GOOD 2 B THREW 222 King St. W.Prescott, Ontario

Quality used furniture, collectibles, crafts, antiques, unique, retro...

Something for EveryoneTues- Sat 10am-5pmClosed Sun/Mon(by appointment or chance)

613.803.0100 / 613.340.9942 / [email protected] / [email protected]

~ FIND US ON FACEBOOK ~

Put Your Info

HERE!

Advertisein McGu�y’s

Great Results!613 342 0428


C - Way Services

Airport ShuttleTel: 613-345-4915

www.cwaylimo.comBrockville • Ontario • Canada

Call Jonfor details.

(613) 342-0428

Advertise Your Spa Specialties.

Weddings & AnniversariesProms & GraduationsBirths & Baby ShowersBirthdays & House Parties

Party Sense "Be Di�erent! - WOW THEM WITH BALLOONS!"

Marj Kemp�er Certified Balloon Artist

[email protected] www.decoratewithballoons.com

Receptions & PromotionsGet Well Wishes

Bon VoyageCorporate Parties & Events

613-340-8781

Also delete 613-657-1764 (tel) and also the word (cell)

Did you know that U.S. citizens and green cardholders living in Canada need to �le a U.S. tax return?

[email protected]

84 King St. West, Brockville 613-865-9014

A Fresh Perspective

Office Pranksif somebody falls asleep in a meeting, have everyone else leave the room.

Then collect a group of total strangers, right off the street, and have them sit around the sleeping person until he wakes up. Then have one of them say to him, “Bob, your plan is very, very risky. however, you’ve given us no choice but to try it. i only hope, for your sake, that you know what you’re getting yourself into.” Then they should file quietly out of the room.

Plant a daily living garden

Plant Three rows of Peas: Peace of mind Peace of heart Peace of soul

Plant four rows of squash:squash gossip squash indifference squash grumbling squash selfishness

Plant four rows of lettuce:lettuce Be faithful lettuce Be Kind lettuce Be Patient lettuce reAlly love one Another

no garden without turnips:turnip for meetings turnip on timeturnip to help one Another

Complete your garden with Thyme:Thyme for each other Thyme for family Thyme for friends

water freely with Patience and Cultivate with love. There is much fruit in your garden, as you reap what you sow.

qui

ck

quo

te

sudoku solution Crossword solution

Brother's Advice

The future will be better tomorrow. ~ Dan Quayle

Little Brother: “if you broke your arm in two places, what would you do ?”Older Boy: “i wouldn’t go back to those two places, that’s for sure.”

Spell Check

• clam chowder soup• good success• climb up• hanging down• honest truth• close scrutiny

Weird Traffic Laws

Strange traffic laws from around the driving world.

sometimes, what you’re wearing —or not— while driving can earn you a fine. in Alabama, it is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded or barefoot while operating a vehicle. women can’t wear a housecoat while behind the wheel in California. driving while not wearing shoes is prohibited in virginia. And, in Thailand, you must wear a shirt while driving a car.

I have a spelling checkerit came with my PC.it plane lee marks four my revuemiss steaks aye can knot see.eye ran this poem threw it.your sure real glad two no.its very polished in its weigh,my checker tolled me sew.A checker is a blessing.

it freeze yew lodes of thyme.it helps me right awl stiles two reed,And aides me when aye rime.each frays comes posed upon my screeneye trussed too be a joule.The checker pours o’er every wordto cheque some spelling rule.

Redundant Again

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard; i could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

he calmly came over to me, i gave him a few pats on his head; he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and i let him out.

Tired Looking Dog

Riverside Ford Sales LtdBrockville, ON

613-345-1909

HAVE A QUESTION?OR WANT A QUOTE?

Email the [email protected]

BESTPRICEALWAYS

CASH FOR SCRAP CARS FARM MACHINERY, ETC.

613-657-4857 www.boneyard.ca 903 County Rd 21 R.R. # 4 Spencerville,On

613-341-1195 www.bonlenplace.com

BonLen Place o�ers an independent Yet active adult lifestyle combining the advantages of serene country setting with nearby shopping, medical care & entertainment.

Features & Benefits

Independent Carefree Retirement Living

Stunning 1 & 2 bdrm suites • Stainless steel appliances • Rich cherry cabinetry • Heat & hydro included • Secured entrance • Safety walk-in tubs • High speed internet available And much more!

Book Your

Personal

Visit Today!

visit

ou

r n

ew w

eBsite w

ww

.mC

gu

ffysnew

sPresC

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t.CA

!vis

it o

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new

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Starting @ $99.00

Open Daily11AM - 2AM

Varies Sunday

& Mondays

Live BandsSports on

the Big Screen

Check out our upcoming Entertainment Schedule

Bigscreen ~ Billiards ~ Touch Tune Juke Box

186 king ST. West Prescott, ON 613 - 925 - 0174

Book your Special Party with us!Birthday-Anniversary-Retirement-Stag & Doe!

Call us today for details!

There is always something happening at Boomers Sports Bar!

Watch your favourite team on our big screens! - Play Pool or

Just relax with friends and family and sample our great menu!

$$$$

$$$$

Call Jon to Advertise

613 342 0428

The Road to Success

Call Jon

Pick up mcguffy’s news every week!!

At over 85 locations inPrescott/Cardinal/spencerville/Johnstown & maitland

qui

ck

rid

dle

A Colonel’s Order

Happiness is a Journey

Good Friends

Important Memo

i Believe... that my best friend and i can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

we convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are.

After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. we will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.

we tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire.

The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. if not now, when?

your life will always be filled with challenges. it's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

one of my favorite quotes comes from Alfred d. souza. he said, "for a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid.

then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."

to make things easier for all of us please notice this important notice About notices.

you may not have noticed the increased amount of notices for you to notice. we notice that some of our notices have been noticed. on the other hand, some of our notices have not been noticed. this is very no-ticeable! it is noticed that the responses to the notices have been notice-ably unnoticeable.

This notice is to remind you to notice the notices and respond to the no-tices because we do not want the notices to go unnoticed! — notice Committee

what is the beginning of eternity, the end of time, and the beginning of every ending?

The letter “e”

A colonel issued the following directive to his executive officers:Tomorrow evening at approximately 2000 hours Halley’s Comet will be visible in this area; an event which occurs only every 75 years. Have the men fall out in the battalion area in fatigues, and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case of rain, we will not be able to see anything, so assemble the men in the theater and I will show them films of it.

I’m Fine

silly

q

uote The most dangerous position in which to sleep

is with your feet on your office desk!

farmer Joe decided to take the trucking company to court. The company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. “didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘i’m fine’?” farmer Joe responded, “well, i’ll tell you what happened. i had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the.......”

“i didn’t ask for any details, just answer the question. did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘i’m fine!’”

farmer Joe said, “well, i had just got Bessie into the trailer and i was driving down the road...”

The lawyer interrupted again, “Judge, i am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Patrolman that he was fine. now weeks after he is trying to sue my client. Please tell him to simply answer the question.” The judge denied, he was now interested in hearing about Bessie.

“As i was saying, i had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when a semi ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. i was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. i was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. how-ever, i could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. i could hear she was in terrible shape. A highway Patrolman came on the scene. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. The Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. he said, “your mule was in such bad shape i had to shoot her - how are you feeling?”

♪ Music Notes ♫♪ to win a gold disc, an album needs to sell 100,000 copies in Britain, and

500,000 in the united states.

♪ melba toast is named after Australian opera singer dame nellie melba (1861-1931)

♪ music was sent down a telephone line for the first time in 1876, the year the phone was invented.

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Aug 3 Jack Daniels BandAug 10 Blues HighwayAug 17 Little CaliforniaAug 24

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Language Woes

when Clairol presented its new curling iron in germany, it quickly real-ized the need for a bit more research.

despite being popular in the united states, Clairol’s mist stick curling iron was a dud in germany, and it wasn’t until the hair products company translated “mist” into german that executives figured out why.

“mist” means “manure,” and few german women were looking for a manure stick for their long locks.

Clairol wasn’t alone in that problem; rolls-royce was forced to change the name of its silver mist to silver shadow before unveiling the car to germans, and liquor producer irish mist also had difficulty breaking in to the german market.

Marketing Gone Awry

CRO

SS

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Across1. half of a game5. Bonus game8. wind-driven game10. not inside12. Playing course14. Playing area

16. hole markers18. warmest seasonDown2. sink hole w/one stroke3. youths 13-194. sphere

6. Contend7. Keeps balls in course9. distance11. Appointment13. hazards15. mallet for hitting ball

mini golf

Why the English Language is Hard to Learn

1. the bandage was wound around the wound.2. the farm was used to produce produce.3. the dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.4. we must polish the Polish furniture.5. he could lead if he would get the lead out.6. the insurance was invalid for the invalid.7. the soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.8. since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to

present the present.

Did You Know?

Science Experiment

• if you stretch a standard slinky out flat it measures 87 feet long. • There are six ords in the english language with the letter combination “uu.”

muumuu, vacuum, continuum, duumvirate, duumvir and residuum. • The “Calabash” pipe, most often associated with sherlock holmes, was not used

by him until william gillette (an American) portrayed holmes onstage. gil-lette needed a pipe he could keep in his mouth while he spoke his lines.

• most Americans’ car horns beep in the key of f. • dirty harry’s badge number is 2211. • The pupil of an octopus’ eye is rectangular. • The shortest french word with all five vowels is “oiseau” meaning bird. • Camel’s milk does not curdle. • The ball on top of a flagpole is called the truck.

Make Lemonade Fizzy DrinkThere’s a lot of people out there that like drinking fizzy drinks, so why not

do a fun science experiment that leaves you with your own lemon soda to drink afterwards!

make your own lemonade soft drink with this fun experiment for kids. What you’ll need:•Lemon•Drinkingglass•Water•1teaspoonofbakingsoda•SomesugartomakeitsweetInstructions:1. squeeze as much of the juice from the lemon as you can into the glass.2. Pour in an equal amount of water as lemon juice.3. stir in the teaspoon of baking soda.4. give the mixture a taste and add in some sugar if you think it needs to be sweeter. What’s happening?

The mixture you created should go bubbly and taste like a lemonade, soda, fizzy drink, if you added some sugar it might even taste like a lemon fla-voured soft drink you’ve bought at a store. The bubbles that form when you add the baking soda to the lemon mixture are carbon dioxide (Co2), these are the same bubbles you’ll find in proper fizzy drinks. of course they add a few other flavored sweeteners but it’s not much different to what you made. if you are wondering how the carbon dioxide bubbles formed, it was because you created a chemical reaction when you added the lemon (an acid) to the baking soda (a base).

Guess The SloganFamous advertising slogans. See if you remember.

i wish i was an ______. oscar meyer wiener

Answer:

Celebrity Quotes

Star Wars

It is clear the future holds great opportunities. it also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pit-falls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o’clock. ~ Woody Allen

I Have Learned i’ve learned that if someone says something unkind about me, i must live so that no one will believe it. ~ Age 39

Everything I’ve ever learned, I learned from Star Wars• never, never, never underestimate the power of

the dark side • you will find many of the truths we cling to de-

pend greatly on our own point of view • Just when you think there is no more hope, alas,

there is one more. • never judge a “piece of junk” spaceship from the

outside. more often than not, “she’s got it where it counts.”

• your eyes deceive you, don’t trust them. • The Bad guys can’t hit the broad side of a barn. • But, “only imperial storm troopers are so precise” • Beware of judging someone else’s beliefs as just

a “hokey religion.” you just may end up eating those words.

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Phone 613-498-3933 TTY 1-877-817-8209Or visit us at 68 William Street, Suite 205

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A Fresh Perspective

Office Pranksif somebody falls asleep in a meeting, have everyone else leave the room.

Then collect a group of total strangers, right off the street, and have them sit around the sleeping person until he wakes up. Then have one of them say to him, “Bob, your plan is very, very risky. however, you’ve given us no choice but to try it. i only hope, for your sake, that you know what you’re getting yourself into.” Then they should file quietly out of the room.

Plant a daily living garden

Plant Three rows of Peas: Peace of mind Peace of heart Peace of soul

Plant four rows of squash:squash gossip squash indifference squash grumbling squash selfishness

Plant four rows of lettuce:lettuce Be faithful lettuce Be Kind lettuce Be Patient lettuce reAlly love one Another

no garden without turnips:turnip for meetings turnip on timeturnip to help one Another

Complete your garden with Thyme:Thyme for each other Thyme for family Thyme for friends

water freely with Patience and Cultivate with love. There is much fruit in your garden, as you reap what you sow.

qui

ck

quo

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sudoku solution Crossword solution

Brother's Advice

The future will be better tomorrow. ~ Dan Quayle

Little Brother: “if you broke your arm in two places, what would you do ?”Older Boy: “i wouldn’t go back to those two places, that’s for sure.”

Spell Check

• clam chowder soup• good success• climb up• hanging down• honest truth• close scrutiny

Weird Traffic Laws

Strange traffic laws from around the driving world.

sometimes, what you’re wearing —or not— while driving can earn you a fine. in Alabama, it is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded or barefoot while operating a vehicle. women can’t wear a housecoat while behind the wheel in California. driving while not wearing shoes is prohibited in virginia. And, in Thailand, you must wear a shirt while driving a car.

I have a spelling checkerit came with my PC.it plane lee marks four my revuemiss steaks aye can knot see.eye ran this poem threw it.your sure real glad two no.its very polished in its weigh,my checker tolled me sew.A checker is a blessing.

it freeze yew lodes of thyme.it helps me right awl stiles two reed,And aides me when aye rime.each frays comes posed upon my screeneye trussed too be a joule.The checker pours o’er every wordto cheque some spelling rule.

Redundant Again

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard; i could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

he calmly came over to me, i gave him a few pats on his head; he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and i let him out.

Tired Looking Dog

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To Advertise Contact Your Advertising Specialist

Jon: 613 342 0428

Head Office: 306-446-2710

www.mcguffysnews.comMcGuffy's Business and Career Opportunities Across Canada! [email protected]

Johnstown, OnYour Princecraft Mercury Argo Dealer613-925-5560

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Boats & Pontoons

VOL.

5

Issu

e 27 Prescott

Leeds & Grenvillewww.mcguffysnewsprescott.ca

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No Sale

Neighborly KindnessA dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. fortu-

nately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.

incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, “hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?”

The lawyer replied, “of course, how much was the roast?”“$7.98.” said the butcher.A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98. At-

tached to it was an invoice that read: legal Consultation service: $150

“is your mother home?” the salesman asked the small boy.“yeah, she’s home,” the boy said, scooting over to let him past.The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then

again. still no one came to the door. turning to the boy, the fellow said, “i thought you said your mother was home!?”

The kid replied, “she is; but this isn’t where i live.”

Empowering Thoughts

Statistics

The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. you do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. you realize that you control your own destiny. ~ Albert Ellis

Too often we forget that the great men of faith reached the heights they did only by going through the depths. ~ Os Guinness

Losing is a learning experience. it teaches you humility. it teaches you to work harder. it’s also a powerful motivator. ~ Yogi Berra In this world everything changes except good deeds and bad deeds; these follow you as the shadow follows the body. ~ Ruth Benedict

Birth Order Makes A Difference

Worries:1st baby: At the first sign of distress: a whimper, a frown—you pick up the baby.2nd baby: you pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.3rd baby: you teach your three-year- old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Source: The Canadian Alzheimer Society

• Alzheimer disease is the fourth leading cause of death in Canada• every year approximately 10,000 Canadians die from Alzheimer’s• Approximately 1 in 100 Canadians suffer from Alzheimer’s disease• there are approximately 22,000 people in metro toronto with

Alzheimer’s• the disease occurs in 8% of the general population over 60

Your True ColorsAn artist is someone who produces things that people don’t need to have but that he - for some reason - thinks it would be a good idea to give them. ~ Andy Warhol

Job Application Bloopers here’s a list of silly mistakes people have made while writing their job applications:1. “here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”2. “wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial

institutions.” 3. “instrumental in ruining an entire midwest chain

operation.” (Perhaps he meant running.)4. “note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as job-

hopping. i have never quit a job.”

McGuffy's News Prescott Vol 05 Issue 27

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Transcript of McGuffy's News Prescott Vol 05 Issue 27