2 taraGg june 2003

marriage and womencontrary to popular belief and many present day socialpractices, women have been given a lot more rights, prop-erty and respect by the society which have been abusedby individual greed and ignorance. a closer look at thevery sourcebooks of hindu social constitution provides aninteresting read and insight into present day marriage cus-toms!

On May 11, 2003, in New Delhi, a

greedy groom and his parentsdemanded more dowry at the most

vulnerable moment. When hundreds ofguests are enjoying the function and wed-ding ceremonies were moments away. Butthe durgA in the bride Nisha Sharma aroseto confront the situation and called the po-lice instead.

Indeed it was a great act of courage, espe-cially from an educated girl of wealthy back-ground (she is the daughter of an industrial-ist). Usually educated middle class familiesare too embarrassed to call the police andwealthy families are too embarrassed to beunable to afford the financial demands. It isusually the really cornered victims who actout in courage.

But what is more amusing is that it was sucha slow news day around the world that majorUS dailies also picked up the story. Arrangedmarriage in urban India! Dowry demands!What dark ages is India living in? Never missa chance to cover India in a sensational light!

Usually all such situations are blamed flat andsquare on the religion and social practicesordained in Hindu scriptures, and not on theindividual criminals. Constitutionally, dowry,sati, child marriage etc. are all illegal, womenhave equitable rights, the share of religiousrespect is also substantial, and education isequally accessible, even then media and ‘ac-tivists’ claim that laws are not enough, thereligious and social ‘laws’ promote oppres-sion of women. Many pseudo-intellectuals failto realize that such evils are not sanctionedby the scriptures but done by people who don’trespect, read, know or follow them.

So it is appropriate that we take a look at thesources that form the root of the social prac-tices and religion. Let us see what they haveto say about marriage, dowry, women’s rightetc. While we should keep in mind the timeswhen and for which these ‘rules’ were made,one should try to focus on the good said in

the scriptures rather the bad that may havecrept over time.

In taittirIya upaniShad the guru says to thegraduating disciples – only follow those ofour conducts that are good, not others. Thisis the power of the Indian culture and ‘reli-gion’ – it is the collective wisdom of seersand gurus, it allows for correcting its mis-takes, it doesn’t demand fundamentalist ap-proach towards life, blind following of out-dated conducts. This doesn’t mean we throwall older traditions without proper under-standing in favor of newer untested ‘tradi-tions’. Blind respect or disrespect both shouldbe avoided.

The following passages are extracted frommanusmRiti, the dharmashAstra that acted asthe social constitution for centuries, and hasbeen much misunderstood, maligned andmisused.

types of marriagetypes of marriagetypes of marriagetypes of marriagetypes of marriagethere are eight types of marriages - brAhma,daiva, ArSha, prAjApatya, Asura, gAndharva,rAkshasa, paishAcha (3:21)| inviting an edu-cated and decent groom and offering himthe daughter, well dressed and decorated,accompanied with prayers, is brAhma brAhma brAhma brAhma brAhma mar-riage (3:27)| giving the daughter to the pre-siding priest of a ceremony is daiva daiva daiva daiva daiva mar-riage (3:28)| asking a bovine pair from thegroom and marrying with all rituals is ArShaArShaArShaArShaArShamarriage (3:29)| when the marriage is onlyaccompanied with the blessings ‘you twofollow the right social path and prosper’ itis prAjApatya prAjApatya prAjApatya prAjApatya prAjApatya marriage (3:30)|

when money is given to the bride and herrelatives as per one’s capacity and in accor-dance of one’s wish (rather than that or-dained by shAstra) it is called Asura Asura Asura Asura Asura mar-riage (3:31)| the marriage born out of mu-tual desire and intimacy of the two is calledgAndharva gAndharva gAndharva gAndharva gAndharva marriage (3:32)| when the manmaybe hurts or kills her family and forciblykidnaps her it is rAkshasa rAkshasa rAkshasa rAkshasa rAkshasa marriage (3:33)|when consummation is done with a sleep-

ing, senseless, intoxicated or unaware girlin order to marry her, it is the worst of allpaishAcha paishAcha paishAcha paishAcha paishAcha marriage (3:34)|

the marriage of duShyanta and shakuntalAwas pure gAndharva; that of vichitra-vIryaand ambikA (grandparents of kaurava andpANDava) was rAkshasa; and that of kRiShNaand rukmiNI was a mixed gAndharva andrAkshasa, since the kidnapping was with theconsent of the woman! and the consumma-tion of marriage, before it was solemnisedpublicly, was not condemned in gAndharvaform of marriage! again, the example ofduShyant and shakuntala, whose son‘bharata’ gives india its original name of‘bhArata’|

‘business’ of marriage‘business’ of marriage‘business’ of marriage‘business’ of marriage‘business’ of marriagein the Asura form of marriage a ‘bride price’was paid out of one’s own desire (to marrythe girl) rather than as ordained by shAstra,scriptures| in all primitive societies the fa-ther had absolute proprietary rights over hissons and daughters| daughters were givenin matrimony for royal or business relationsamong the elite and rich or just to the high-est bidder among the ordinary| thus in thevery nature of things the daughters came tobe looked upon as excellent marketable com-modities, and husbands learned to look upontheir wives as kind of moveable property, aclass of slaves they had to purchase| thispractice of ‘bride price’ was common inrome, europe and middle east and still inpractice in many societies|

to the credit of our seers and RiShis, theywere the first to condemn the commercialelement of holy matrimony| a wise fathershould never take even a little ‘price’ forhis daughter, because it is like selling (3:51)|

the bride leads the first four roundsaround the matrimonial ritual fire!

yaXa naayaYstau paUjyantae rmantae taXa devataaH| yaXaEtaastau na paUjyantae savaaYstaXaaflaaH i/kyaaHó manausmaRita 3H56

june 2003 taraGg 3

the wise seers foresaw the evils of ‘busi-ness’ in marriage, and restricted this con-demned form of Asura marriage only to themerchants and artisans whose occupationsled them to long stays in foreign or distantlands among strangers; thus ‘buying’ thebride was sometimes the only way out forthem|

respectrespectrespectrespectrespectif desiring betterment (kalyANa), father-,brother-, husband or younger brother-in-lawsshould respect the bride and give her orna-ments (3:55)|

that house where the incoming women (wife,daughter-in-law) mourn,that surely is ruinedquickly, and where theydon’t mourn, that surelyprospers (3:57)| in thatfamily where the hus-band is happy by thewife and wife is happyby the husband, theresurely stable prosperityabounds (3:60)| new bride, young daugh-ters, sick or pregnant women, without hesi-tation, should be fed even before feedingthe guests (3:114)|

freedomfreedomfreedomfreedomfreedomunder changed circumstances and externalsocial pressures of second millennia, indiansociety saw new restrictions put on womenas being sanctioned and supported by thescriptures! an oft-quoted shloka frommanusmRiti on this is – in childhood fatherprotects, in youth, husband and in old age,sons protect; woman should not be on herown (9:3)| this has been misinterpreted aswoman should not have freedom|

the changing second millennia was the timewhen india saw relentless onslaught ofmuslim invasions, plundering of villages,towns and abduction of women| this wasthe time when many of the present day so-cial vices arose as a social exo-skeleton,including sati, child marriage, dowry etc.|as a further evidence, these practices affectednorth-western india more, which was underconstant attacks| satI or jauhar was donewilling by wives of defeated royalty andwarriors| child marriage was seen as a wayto get rid of the responsibility of protectinga girl till her puberty| and perhaps this wasalso the time when men started asking fordowry!

back to the women’s freedom! no man canprotect a woman by force (9:10)| engagethe lady of the house in money matters (sav-

ing, investing), expenses (shopping!), inte-rior decoration, rituals and rites, kitchen andgeneral house-caring (9:11)| this is very dif-ferent from “a woman’s place is in thekitchen” clichE| she has the keys to the safe|her domain has been carved out for her whereshe is the authority (individuals can inter-pret this as a prison rather than the king-dom! but the literature prior to the secondmillennia is replete with stories of how lib-eral the society and women were)| the hus-band earns and she manages the earnings tomake life comfortable, healthy and mean-ingful| relatives can’t protect the womaneven by house-arresting them, but only ifthey (women) protect themselves (9:12)| so,

here the import is notthat women don’t de-serve independence butthat women in youthneed protection fromother men who may hurtor seduce her and caringin childhood and oldage|

marital rightsmarital rightsmarital rightsmarital rightsmarital rightsthe husband has full responsibility of hiswife, he can’t get rid of her by selling orsimply abandoning (9:46)| if terminally illwife is decent and loves her husband alone,then he may remarry only with her consentand never disrespect her (9:82)| if a hand-some and suitable groom is found thenone may marry the girl little earlytoo; but even after puberty shemay sit at home for life, nevergive her to an unworthy man(9:88-89)| a marriageable daugh-ter should wait for three yearsfor her father to give her awayto a suitable man, after that she maychoose on her own (9:90)| if the fa-ther doesn’t marry her in time and shefind a suitable man to marry then she or herhusband don’t acquire demerit (9:91)|

property rightsproperty rightsproperty rightsproperty rightsproperty rightsthere are six types of strI-dhana or propertyof a woman — adhi-agniadhi-agniadhi-agniadhi-agniadhi-agni, given to her be-fore nuptial fire; adhi-AvAhanikaadhi-AvAhanikaadhi-AvAhanikaadhi-AvAhanikaadhi-AvAhanika, given toher by her parents at the time of departingto her husband’s home; pratidattapratidattapratidattapratidattapratidatta, given toher at festive occasions; given by her fa-ther; given by her mother; and finally givenby her brother (9:194)| if a woman dieswithout having sons, her property given toher in Asura marriage, goes to her motheror in her absence to her father (9:197)| thehusband doesn’t get that property! out ofignorance, those relatives who use the bride’smoney, mode of transportation (chariots) orclothes, those sinners surely doomed (3:52)|

according to chANakya’s arthashAstra (chap-ter 3.2 or 58) a woman has two types ofproperty – vRitti or cash, at least 2000 andAvadhya or kind which has no limit| thewoman’s property can be used in the fol-lowing situations – sickness, emergency, ca-lamity; after two children (by which timethe bride is not new anymore and has settledwell in the new home); or if childless thanfor three years| if the marriage wasgAndharva (love) or Asura (bride price) thensuch property, if used, must be returned toher with interest!

remarriageremarriageremarriageremarriageremarriageafter husband’s death if she wants to live onher own and without remarrying, she keepsher personal property and that given by herin-laws (and husband)| she can also inherither husband’s property| if she remarries, thenshe should return the principal with interestto the in-laws| if a widow remarries againstthe wishes of her in-laws then she can’t in-herit her husband’s property| if they arrangefor her remarriage then they have to returnher husband’s inherited property|

if a widow mother remarries, her children(from first marriage) will inherit her prop-erty| if a woman has children from morethan one man (husbands from different mar-riages, not due to divorce but due to widow-

remarriage) then she should let the chil-dren inherit their respective father’s

property| this shows that not onlythere was no practice of sati orwidow burning prevalent inhindu society prior to externalrampages mentioned earlier, butthat widow remarriage was com-

mon and inheritance laws werepretty elaborate to accommodate these

commonplace events like widow remar-riage!

It is indeed a shame that a groom should notconsider himself man enough to be able toprovide for his life- and soul mate. Such menshould not marry, since they are looking forfinancial and physical gains rather than lifeenriching soul mate in holy matrimony. Thesetraits are not ordained by the scriptures butarise out of sheer greed that goes uncleansedby the very neglect of scriptures. Scripturescan’t change your basic nature, they can guidethose who seek guidance|

– Shashi Joshi, EditorFollowing books were refered for this ar-ticle – MS by Pt. Rameshwar Bhatt; MSby Dr. RN Sharma; AS by VachaspatiGairola

just as the son is born of one’s flesh so is the daughter, they are the same! – manusmriti

where ladies are re-spected, there the godswander in enjoyment.where they are not re-spected, all deeds are

fruitless (MS 3:56)