Marek Kowalczyk Life Lessons from the ICU: How to Deal with Adversities and Difficulties

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Life Lessons from the ICU marekkowalczyk.pl

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In 2013 I almost died from heart failure. I spent three months in hospital, and then a month more. I learned some valuable lessons, the most important of them being the principle of acceptance.

Transcript of Marek Kowalczyk Life Lessons from the ICU: How to Deal with Adversities and Difficulties

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Life Lessons from the ICU

marekkowalczyk.pl

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hypomania [ˌhʌɪpə(ʊ)ˈmeɪnɪə]

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DEALING

Causes Effects

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Acceptance

One

Perspective (1)

Perspective (2)

Truth

Joy

Rest

Contact

Bibliotherapy

Finding

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For sale: Baby shoes. Never worn.

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Event → Emotion

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People are not troubled by events, but by their views of them

“— Epictetus

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Event → My view of the event →

Emotion

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Over that which is external (wealth, honors, health) we have no control, but that which is internal totally depends on us — our thoughts, feelings, our actions

— Epictetus

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ABC

Dr Albert Ellis

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ADVERSITY/ACTIVATING EVENT — an external obstacle to the achievement of an important Goal (G).

BELIEFS — what we say to ourselves, most frequently unconsciously, when we experience A.

CONSEQUENCES — emotions and behaviors that are our responses to A, as seen through the lens of Bs.

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C = A x B

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“I have depression” vs

“I am depressing myself”

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What do I say to myself, half-consciously, what causes these unhealthy feelings?

“I must be healthy!”

“Everything must follow my plan!”

“Everything must play out as I want!”

“Otherwise, I am worthless.”

(Notice the musturbatory nature of those irrational beliefs.)

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ABC-DE

Dr Albert Ellis

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DISPUTING

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“How does my wanting to be healthy, successful and so on, logically imply that it must be so?”

“If I’m not healthy and I am not successful, do I have empirical grounds to maintain that it must be so?”

“Does strict adherence to the view that this situation cannot exist — despite the fact that it does — help me cope with this adversity?”

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EFFECTIVE NEW PHILOSOPHY

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“The fact that I do not want something does not imply that this situation cannot exist; I don’t have divine power over the world.”

“If this situation exists, it obviously means that it can exist.”

“Sticking to the irrational beliefs only hinders my functioning: I become depressed, and I tend to choose the option that guarantees me a shorter life, which is not what I want.”

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“This situation is very inconvenient for me, but it is not horrible or unbearable. Of course that I can take it; after all, I won’t fall apart from it!”

“I would prefer not to have to consider a heart transplant, but now that it happened, so be it. Bad luck! In the worst case, I will live shorter than I had thought. I’m neither the first, nor the last one. Everyone has to die sometime, and so it’s only a matter of time, anyway.”

!

“Even experiencing major inconveniences associated with transplantation, I can live happily and experience a lot of joy. I’ll still be alive!”

“The awareness of my imminent death may even help me make better use of my remaining time; it can be a great opportunity for me to stop caring about little things and start to seize every day! All in all, it may turn out that this event is the best thing that could happen to me — because maybe I will live shorter, but a lot better!”

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How to Drive Yourself Insane?

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Depression-causing conditional self-acceptance:

“I deserve to exist only so long as I am successful — otherwise I’m worthless and I have no right to live”.

Anger-causing conditional acceptance of others:

“Others are worthy of acceptance as people only if they treat me well and fairly — otherwise the deserve the highest condemnation”.

Conducive to avoiding behaviors low frustration tolerance (conditional acceptance of circumstances):

“The circumstances of life must always be highly favorable to me, because otherwise life is terrible and unbearable”.

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How to Stay Sane?

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Unconditional self-acceptance:

“None of my mistakes or failures affects my value as a human being”.

Unconditional acceptance of others:

“Other people have a right to be wrong and even hurt me”.

High frustration tolerance (unconditional acceptance of circumstances):

“I can endure even the most adverse of circumstances — they are not terrible, but at most very unpleasant”.

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Start with C:

What negative, out-of-place emotions are you experiencing?

Go to A:

What triggered the emotions?

Uncover Bs:

What are you saying to yourself that makes you feel so bad?

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Perform D:

Are the Bs logical, empirical, helpful?

Watch out for musturbation!

!

Derive E:

What non-musturbatory, logical, empirical and helpful beliefs do you prefer to hold?

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REINFORCE E

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Acceptance

One

Perspective (1)

Perspective (2)

Truth

Joy

Rest

Contact

Bibliotherapy

Finding

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Babauta, Leo. The Power of Less

Bennett, Ray. The Underachiever's Manifesto

Botton, Alain de. How Proust Can Change Your Life

—. Status Anxiety

—. Religion for Atheists

Ellis, Albert. Feetling Better, Getting Better, Staying Better.

—. A Guide to Rational Living

Frankl, Viktor. Man’s Search for Meaning

Kowalczyk, Marek. Life Lessons from the ICU

—. How to Deal with Difficulties and Adversities

Miller, Caroline & Frish, Michael. Creating Your Best Life

Pausch, Randy. The Last Lecture

Shepherd, Janine. Never Tell Me Never

Taleb, Nicholas. Incerto: a Philosophical Essay on Uncertainty:

Antifragile

The Black Swan

Fooled by Randomness

The Bed of Procrustes

!

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marekkowalczyk.pl/lekcje

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