Mandy Johnson: Unmasking co-dependency

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Transcript of Mandy Johnson: Unmasking co-dependency

WelcomeTo view material from this talk visit

www.sacap.edu.za/eventsLike our Facebook Page

Follow us on Twitter @SACAP #PsychologyFest

“The most common form of despair is not being who you are”

Soren Kierkegaard

Presented by: Mandy Johnson

Unmasking Co-dependency

Historically vs New Perspective

Historically - seen as long suffering partner or relative

of a chemically dependent or other addicted person.

Today the field has widened: Co-dependency viewed

as a learned behaviour which can begin at any time

in life as a copying skill.

Co-Dependent!

“Inner

intimacy

disorder”

“Vehicle for

healing”

“The loss of our true self”

Definition

“Co-dependence is the most common of all

addictions: the addiction to looking elsewhere. We

believe that something outside of ourselves—that is,

outside of our True Self can give us happiness and

fulfillment.

The ‘elsewhere’ may be people, places, things, or

behaviors or experiences. Whatever it is, we may

neglect our own selves for it.”

Charles L.Whitfield,MD

Charles L. Whitfield, M.D.

“The wounding of our true selves to such an extent, that in order for us to have survived,

we developed a pseudo false self, which now runs our lives.

It is thus a disease of lost self-hood.

A co-dependent person has little or no sense of self. Their whole life is spent in extreme acts

to meet others’ expectations. “

These self-defeating learned

behaviours diminish our capacity to be in intimate loving relationships.

‘including with ourselves’

The Iceberg Model: Relationship of Adult Child Wounding, Co-dependence and Various Disorders – Charles L Whitfield, M.D.

Recovery Stages

0

1

2

3

Unhealthy Society

Fear of Abandonment

Toxic Shame

Other Traumas

Adult Child Wounding

True Self Goes Into Hiding

Chronic Emptiness

Primary Co-dependence (Adult Child Syndrome) Tying To Fill The Emptiness From The Outside

Frustrated Attempts to Fill the Emptiness – people pleasing tolerate inappropriate behaviour

Depression, Anxiety, other

Disorders

Chemical Dependence

Eating Disorders

Stress Disorders

Relationship Addictions

Compulsions

Unhealthy Family of Origin

Life chaotic/Hyper-reactive

Addictions/compulsions increase

Internalise parents & others inadequacy

Needs not met

Red Flags

• Focus on another's needs and problems

• Neglect our own wellbeing & emotional health

• Inability to say no when it is warranted

• Thoughts feeling & needs of others before our

own

Recovery Means

Learning about feelings & acknowledging them

Learning how to grieve

Learning how to get one’s needs met

Setting healthy boundaries

Learning how to deal with emotional pain

Healthy assertive communication skills

How to say no & having choices

Dealing with guilt & shame

Getting to explore the true authentic self – masks are dropped

ABSTINENCE

Internal locus of control/self-directed

AWARENESS

Know our internal patterns

ACTION

New behaviours/honesty and confidence arise

ACCEPTANCE

Mindfulness & compassion

Recovery

Begins at the moment we recognise the futility of

compulsively trying to control the thoughts, feelings,

decisions, choices & behaviour of OTHER PEOPLE.

In order to RECOVER, we have to DISCOVER who we

truly are.

Invitation

“It is by going into the abyss that we recover

the treasures of life”

Joseph Campbell

THANKS FOR LISTENING

www.mindfulinsight.co.za

POEM: THE WAY UNDER THE WAY – MARK NEPO

Thank youTo view material from this talk visit

www.sacap.edu.za/events

Like our Facebook Page

Follow us on Twitter @SACAP

#PsychologyFest