Managing Conflict Leading Beyond the Obstacle. Reaching The Opportunity October 12, 2012 Presented...
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Transcript of Managing Conflict Leading Beyond the Obstacle. Reaching The Opportunity October 12, 2012 Presented...
Managing Conflict Leading Beyond the Obstacle. Reaching The Opportunity
October 12, 2012
Presented By Kamilah Collins
TOPICS•Communication: My Message / My Intent
•Where Things Fall Apart: Understanding Them
•Hidden Feelings
•Wrong Turn: The Escalation Point
•Emotional Intelligence
•Ladder of Inference
•Let’s Try Again
•Solutions
•Opportunity to Develop
•Addressing Conflict
•Taking the Tools & Resolving the Problem
Communication: My Message, My Intentions
What I Say
What I Think (My Facts)
What I Want you to Hear
How I Feel (About You/ This
situation/Something Totally Unrelated)
Understanding The Other Person
What was Said
What I Thought
What I Heard
Planning My Response
How I Felt
Hidden Feelings• Unexpressed Feelings Leak into Conversations– Make it hard to listen – Make it difficult to Convey your actual thoughts
• We Translate Our Feelings– Judgments “ If you were a good ___ u would…”– Attributions “Why were you trying to hurt me…”– Characterizations “ You’re so inconsiderate.”– Problem-Solving “The answer is for you to do __ …”
Wrong Turn: The Point of Escalation
• Your response matters! – Analysis Paralysis vs.. Bubble Gum Dispenser
• Don’t make assumptions about silence.• Questioning is okay. Please be Socially Aware!• Leaders aren’t afraid to embrace differences in
others. The challenge is understanding how those difference impact communication & team dynamics.
Emotional Intelligence
Self Awareness Self Management
Social Awareness
Relationship Management
What Contributed to the Conflict?
• What and How did I contribute to this issue?(mood that day, other events, attention on other things,
priorities…)
• What did they contribute? (Emotional State, Tone, Nonverbal, Past Interactions, Poor
Word Choice)
• Contribution of Others Elements(People, Circumstances, Timing, Place)
Let’s Try this Again
Facts
•What Has Occurred
•What Action Do You Want
Thoughts
•What information does the other person have?
•Are you sharing the information that brought you to your conclusion?
Select Communicati
on
•Repeat What You Heard
•Say What You Mean
•Allow the Other Person to Repeat Their Understanding
Solutions you can use.
5 Tips for Giving Feedback1. Be specific. Give examples.2. Be as specific with positive feedback as you are
w/ negative. Remember 2:1 ratio3. Be clear about consequences & expectations.
(Suggestion vs.. Instruction)4. Be clear about what is and is not negotiable.5. You don’t have to persuade, just be clear. They
can disagree.
Solutions you can use.
5 Tips for Receiving Feedback1. Listen. Don’t assume you know what they’re going to
say.2. Know that you are competent but have room for
improvement.3. Be engaged in the conversation. Inquire when open
questions are presented.4. Be willing to learn something, you already know
you’re not perfect.5. Do NOT assume malicious intent.
Opportunity To Develop
Building Relationships & Respect
Boosting Morale
Being seen as a Leader
Tailoring Your Message
Making Authentic Connections
Practicing Your Leadership Skills
Supporting a Strong Team
Addressing Conflict
• Define the concern that can be resolved.• Acknowledge Contributing Factors (feelings,
experience, intent, need to find fault, )• Stick to the Facts• Be culpable… Own your contribution.• Be flexible with your intended outcome.
Now Give It a Try
• Ask the person to get together outside of the routine environment.
• Something brief but casual (15-30mins)• Have a non-YP discussion
– Ask if they’ve done anything fun recently– Any recent successes, accomplishments, good news– Genuinely find something of interest and listen to them for at least
five minutes– Repeat back something you found interesting, provide a
compliment, note something that impressed you• This may open an opportunity to develop a better
relationship. If it doesn’t at least you made the effort.
Take What You’ve Learned. Go Lead.
My name is Kamilah Collins
NULYP Communications Chair
Tweet @NULYP #WeDevelopMe
Owner & Lead Consultant
Restore. Rebuild. Rebrand Like the Facebook Page