Malaysian Jokes

14
Malaysia Malaysia n n Jokes Jokes

Transcript of Malaysian Jokes

Page 1: Malaysian Jokes

MalaysianMalaysian

JokesJokes

Page 2: Malaysian Jokes

#1 #1 Watch itWatch it

Boss:Boss: You want to be our You want to be our new night watchman?new night watchman?

Are you qualified for the job?Are you qualified for the job?

Applicant:Applicant: Of course I am. Of course I am.

Boss:Boss: What makes you think What makes you think so?so?

Applicant:Applicant: The slightest amount of noise The slightest amount of noise wakes me up.wakes me up.

Page 3: Malaysian Jokes

#2 Give me a break#2 Give me a breakJudge:Judge: Why did you break a vase over Why did you break a vase over your husband’s head?your husband’s head?

Accused:Accused: Well, when I asked him what he Well, when I asked him what he thought of my new dress, he said, “It’ll thought of my new dress, he said, “It’ll never go out of style – it will look just as never go out of style – it will look just as ridiculous year after year.” But it was an ridiculous year after year.” But it was an accident, Your Honour. accident, Your Honour.

Judge:Judge: How could it have been an How could it have been an accident?accident?

Accused:Accused: I had no intention of breaking the I had no intention of breaking the vase!vase!

Page 4: Malaysian Jokes

#3 Cut short#3 Cut short

A man approached his neighbour. “Tan,” A man approached his neighbour. “Tan,” he asked, “will you be using your golf clubs he asked, “will you be using your golf clubs on Saturday?”on Saturday?”

Tan replied, “Yes, I’m playing golf this Tan replied, “Yes, I’m playing golf this Saturday.”Saturday.”

“ “Good. Then you won’t be needing your Good. Then you won’t be needing your lawnmower.”lawnmower.”

“ “I’m afraid I won’t be able to lend it to I’m afraid I won’t be able to lend it to you,” Tan said, shamefaced. you,” Tan said, shamefaced.

““The fellow I borrowed it from says the The fellow I borrowed it from says the owner wants it back.”owner wants it back.”

Page 5: Malaysian Jokes

#4 Driving it home#4 Driving it home

The reckless driver of the taxi went through red The reckless driver of the taxi went through red lights and swerved around corners. His sole lights and swerved around corners. His sole passenger, scared out of his wits, just stopped passenger, scared out of his wits, just stopped himself saying, “You drive like you own the road himself saying, “You drive like you own the road when you don’t even own the taxi,” and managed, when you don’t even own the taxi,” and managed, “Please be careful – I have ten children at home.”“Please be careful – I have ten children at home.”

The taxi driver retorted, The taxi driver retorted,

““You have 10 children and you’re telling me to be careful?”You have 10 children and you’re telling me to be careful?”

Page 6: Malaysian Jokes

#5 A matter of principle#5 A matter of principle

Samy: I feel like punching the Samy: I feel like punching the headmaster in the nose again.headmaster in the nose again.

Ali: What do you mean, again?Ali: What do you mean, again?

Samy: I felt like it yesterday, Samy: I felt like it yesterday, too.too.

Ali: What did he do to you?Ali: What did he do to you?

Samy: Samy: He faxed my report card to my He faxed my report card to my father’s office!father’s office!

Page 7: Malaysian Jokes

#6#6 Brush-offBrush-off

The doctor said to the sick prostitute, “Take these pills, eat The doctor said to the sick prostitute, “Take these pills, eat a non-greasy diet, and in three days you should be well and a non-greasy diet, and in three days you should be well and happy.”happy.”

“ “How much do I owe you?” she asked.How much do I owe you?” she asked.

“ “Forty ringgit.”Forty ringgit.”

“ “For forty ringgit,” she said, “I’ll do anything you ask.”For forty ringgit,” she said, “I’ll do anything you ask.”

The doctor replied, The doctor replied, ““Paint my house.”Paint my house.”

Page 8: Malaysian Jokes

#7#7 Switch bitchSwitch bitch

Rosy:Rosy: That’s a beautiful coat you’re That’s a beautiful coat you’re wearing.wearing.

Daisy:Daisy: Yes, it costs RM360 – just to Yes, it costs RM360 – just to dry-clean!dry-clean!

Rosy:Rosy: Wow, did your husband Wow, did your husband change jobs?change jobs?

Daisy:Daisy: No, I changed husbands!No, I changed husbands!

Page 9: Malaysian Jokes

#8#8 Half seriousHalf serious

Lee: I’ve been asked to get married Lee: I’ve been asked to get married many times.many times.

Ong: Who asked you?Ong: Who asked you?

Lee: My father and my mother!Lee: My father and my mother!

Ong: But I thought you already have Ong: But I thought you already have a girlfriend.a girlfriend.

Lee:Lee: Yes, but she and I are only half serious Yes, but she and I are only half serious about getting married: I am and she isn’t.about getting married: I am and she isn’t.

Page 10: Malaysian Jokes

#9#9 No kiddingNo kidding

Teacher:Teacher: How old is your mother? How old is your mother?

Ah Gong:Ah Gong: She is as old as I. She is as old as I.

Teacher:Teacher: How can that be? How can that be?

Ah Gong:Ah Gong: She became a mother only when I was She became a mother only when I was born.born.

Teacher:Teacher: Hmmm, interesting. And what was your Hmmm, interesting. And what was your mother before her marriage?mother before her marriage?

Ah Gong:Ah Gong: Before her marriage, I had no mother.Before her marriage, I had no mother.

Page 11: Malaysian Jokes

##1010 The X ReportThe X Report

Ah Moy:Ah Moy: How did you do in the exam? How did you do in the exam?

Ah Mei:Ah Mei: History does have a habit of repeating itself. I’ve History does have a habit of repeating itself. I’ve failed it again.failed it again.

Ah Moy:Ah Moy: What did your father say about it? What did your father say about it?

Ah Mei:Ah Mei: He gave me a stern warning and signed my He gave me a stern warning and signed my report card with an X.report card with an X.

Ah Moy:Ah Moy: An X? Why? An X? Why?

Ah Mei:Ah Mei: He doesn’t want the teacher to know that anyone He doesn’t want the teacher to know that anyone who could read and write has a daughter like me.who could read and write has a daughter like me.

Page 12: Malaysian Jokes

#11#11 All earsAll ears

Tourist:Tourist: What do you do with all What do you do with all that corn?that corn?

Farmer:Farmer: Well, we eat what we can, Well, we eat what we can, and what we can’t we can.and what we can’t we can.

Tourist’s wife:Tourist’s wife: What did he say What did he say dear?dear?

Tourist:Tourist: He said they ate what they could, He said they ate what they could, and what they couldn’t they could.and what they couldn’t they could.

Page 13: Malaysian Jokes

#12#12 A friendA friend

Sam:Sam: You told me the other day that You told me the other day that you’d be a friend to me to the end.you’d be a friend to me to the end.

Lim:Lim: That’s right. That’s right.

Sam:Sam: That’s wonderful. Will you lend me That’s wonderful. Will you lend me RM 13?RM 13?

Lim:Lim: No. No.

Sam:Sam: You’re not superstitious, are you? You’re not superstitious, are you?

Lim:Lim: No, but No, but thisthis is the end. is the end.

Page 14: Malaysian Jokes

The EndThe End

A laugh a day keeps the doctor A laugh a day keeps the doctor away.away.

With Metta,With Metta,

Bro.Oh Teik BinBro.Oh Teik Bin