Madie’sBear Tribe JournalBook 2

Madie’s Bear Tribe JournalBook 2

Published by Marsha LoftisScribd Edition

Copyright 2010 Marsha Loftis

I wrote this book on the internet as a serial fiction blog. You may find spelling and grammar mistakes or story inconsistencies.

Table of ContentsPrologueChapter 1Chapter 2Chapter 3Chapter 4Chapter 5Chapter 6Chapter 7Chapter 8Chapter 9Chapter 10Chapter 11Chapter 12Chapter 13Chapter 14Chapter 15Chapter 16Chapter 17

PrologueMy name is Madie. This is my journal.Life is full of crossroads and forks in the road. Whichever road you choose to take will

determine your fate in life. Sometimes there are obstacles or bumps in the road that requires a change of direction. Other times, the road gives you a choice. You can continue to go straight or you can choose to change directions. I think I read that somewhere or something similar to that. I made a choice to change directions. I’m thinking I should have stayed straight.

Chapter 1Journal Entry 1

I was resting when our convoy came to a sudden stop. Yates told me to stay put as he jumped out of the truck. He ordered a couple of his soldiers to run to the front of the convoy and find out what was happening. I have never been good at waiting. I hate when others tell me what to do. I prefer to give the orders.

I stayed put for maybe three seconds and then I jumped out of the truck. Yates gave me the “I told you to stay put look.” and in return I gave him the “I’m just stretching my legs look.” It only took the soldiers a couple of moments to figure out what the problems were at the front of the convoy. Someone had dug a ditch across the entire width of the road. There was no way to get across and we couldn’t drive around it because both sides of the road sloped down a hillside.

Yates started giving orders. His soldiers were going to have to build a bridge to get us across. This was going to take a little while so I started to get back in the truck. I vaguely remember the dart hitting me and seeing a couple of soldiers fall. I think I remember hearing gunfire and someone yell to take cover. I don’t know where everyone went. I think fate hates me.

Journal Entry 2If Yates is here, I have not seen him. The guards don’t allow us to speak. They watch

over us like vultures. Any deviation in the rules and punishment is swift and painful. I know because I quit digging up rocks long enough to catch a moments breath and had a rod come down across my shoulders.

Rule number three don’t stop working until a guard tells you to quit. I gave the guard a look and he smacked me again. I forgot about the keep your head down rule. I recognize a couple of soldiers from Ft Shasta also here as slaves but I don’t know their names. I never had personal contact with them at Bear Country. I think they are just as confused and disoriented as I am. I wish Yates were here. He would know what to do to get us out of this mess. I have been praying that Yates escaped the ambush.

The guards forced me to work the entire day with practically no food at all, and only two ladles of water. Every muscle in my body hurts. After digging up the rocks, we transport them to be washed. I have bruises all over my back. I have dirt so far under my fingernails that several of my fingers are sore. I stink and I have a headache. Someone pinch me so that I can wake up from this nightmare.

Journal Entry 3I want to go home. It has been a long awful day. This is not the new life I was promised. I

keep pinching myself hoping I will wake up from this nightmare. I can’t sleep even though I am exhausted. I am finding it difficult to get comfortable in the night because everything aches and it is difficult to sleep on a cold dirt floor. The guards seem to get enjoyment in disturbing our rest period. They walk over us and deliberately kick someone. The guards kicked me in the shoulder, yelled at me and hit me with a stick because I was in the way. I looked at the guard in protest and he beat me for my rudeness. The guards made me kneel for the rest of the night.

I am so hungry. The guards eat continuously thru out the day. They walk among us and brag about how full they are. If my thoughts could kill all the guards would be dead. We are teased with food, I have seen several of the other slaves walk away with a guard and come back later with a piece of fruit or bread. They are surviving the best they can. I am not going down that road. I think I would prefer to die.

I spent the first part of the day digging up rocks. After my midday stale biscuit, the guards transferred me to work on the wall.

Journal Entry 4I spent the day digging up rocks and daydreaming about my life before the virus. I think

it helped to take myself away from this hellhole even though it was just in my mind. I miss my parents and my bed. Please let this whole thing be a dream. Any moment my mom is going to walk into my room and tell me to wake up and get ready for school. I will suddenly realize this life was just an awful nightmare brought on by bad pizza. I am going to hug my mom and apologize for everything I have done wrong in the past.

I think I actually slept for a little while last night. I propped myself up against the wall and before I knew it the guards were rudely yelling at us to wake up. I refuse to believe this is the way, I am supposed to spend the rest of my life.

Today was a special day. All the slaves assembled in front of the gang leader. I am not certain what he looked like because the guards didn’t allow us to raise our heads. He gave a lovely speech and praised us for our hard work. If thoughts could kill, I would spread his brains all over the rock pile. The guards brought out a wheelbarrow of food. They gave each slave a few seconds to grab something edible to eat. I am so glad I wasn’t at the end of the line.

Journal Entry 5Like the day before and the day before I spent my day digging up rocks, washing rocks

and building a wall. Yates’ soldiers did the same. We tried to communicate with each other when the guards weren’t looking. It was a challenge. If caught by the guards it would have meant a beating. I watched the guards dish out punishment without cause time after time. The guards seemed particularly cruel to a couple of slaves that could apparently do nothing right. I felt sorry them. I wanted to help but I didn’t want to draw attention to myself. I watched the other slaves go about their work as if nothing cruel was happening around them. No one flinched. The most common reaction was to move carefully out of the way without drawing attention from the guards. I think it’s a coping mechanism put into place after weeks and months of trying to avoid punishment. I found myself doing it.

At the end of the day, after the guards had finally decided we had done enough work they led us back to our place of sleep. They gave us the same stale biscuits and a drink of water. I tucked myself up against the wall beside a couple of Yates’ soldiers. The wall was one of the safer places to sleep. The guards harassed anyone sleeping near the fire. I don’t remember falling asleep. I woke up ready to fight the moment I felt his hand grab my mouth.

Journal Entry 6He had to straddle my entire body to keep me from struggling free. I continued to

struggle until I saw his face. At first, I thought my mind was playing tricks on me. I closed my eyes very tight and counted to three. When I opened my eyes again he was still there hovering over me with his hand over my mouth. Without saying a word, Tony mouthed for me to be quiet. I hugged his neck and did as I was told.

Four of Yates’ soldiers accompanied Tony. Tony woke the other soldiers enslaved with me one at a time. The other captives sleeping in the area were also given the chance to escape. Only a handful chose to do so. The others were unable to comprehend what was happening. They just turned over and went back to sleep. The guards watching over us were tranquilized by the same darts used to capture us. They would be asleep well into the morning hours. I kicked

them both in the side as I stepped over them. It was the least I could do for the hellish way they treated us. I am hoping this security breach gets them into a heap of trouble. With any luck, they will end up as slaves themselves.

The escape out of the camp was easy. There was only one moment when I thought we weren’t going to escape. We almost stumbled into a guard patrol but luckily, they weren’t paying much attention to their surroundings. They seemed more interested in the slave they were teasing. No one said a word until we were clearly away from the camp.

Journal Entry 7I couldn’t take another step. I was thirsty and weak from hunger. After a moments rest

and drinking practically all of the water in Tony’s canteen, I asked about Yates and the other soldiers. Tony looked at me and shook his head from side to side. He said Yates struggled to survive for a couple of days. Many of Yates’ soldiers died from injuries they had received the day of the ambush. I refused to accept what Tony was saying. I started making plans to find Yates and the others. Tony grabbed me by the shoulders and gave me a shake. He said there weren’t any others. I said there had to be others. We were in a convoy of four trucks with at least 30 people. We had guns. General Yates would not have gone down without a fight.

I pulled away from Tony. I called him a liar and said a few awful things I now regret. I knew Tony had to be lying. He was jealous I chose Yates over him and I told him so. I stomped off into the woods. I don’t know where I was going but Tony followed. I stopped at the edge of a cliff.

For a moment, I considered jumping. Tony asked me not to jump. He said he had something important to say to me. If I still wanted to jump after he had finished he would jump with me. Tony said he loved me and that he only let me go with Yates because he wanted me to have a happy and safe life. The morning the convoy left Bear Country Tony realized he had made a mistake in allowing me to leave.

Tony borrowed a horse from Joshua of the Spurs. He caught up to the convoy shortly after the attack. Yates and several of his soldiers were left for dead. I was nowhere to be found.

Journal Entry 8It would have been a painful way to die. It wasn’t a straight drop to the bottom. Tony

and I would have hit every rock, boulder and tree stump on the way down. Then we would have lingered alive for a couple of hours before finally succumbing to blood loss. I didn’t want to die that way.

I backed off the edge of the cliff and fell into Tony’s arms. There was clapping and whistling from the soldiers. I didn’t realize they were all standing there. I apologized to Tony for everything I had said a few moments before. Tony kissed me on the head and thanked me for not jumping. Tony and the four soldiers that had survived the ambush led us around the woods for more than an hour trying to find the graves of Yates and the other soldiers they were able to bury. I wanted to say goodbye.

We had almost given up looking for the graves when one of the soldiers accidentally stumbled upon the gravesite during a moment of rest. We held a small goodbye ceremony in the woods for Yates and the other fallen soldiers. Each of the graves was marked with a cross of twigs. The nametag from the soldier’s uniform was pushed into the bark.

I found Yates and said my goodbyes. I apologized for getting him into this trouble. Tony knelt down beside me and whispered in my ear that none of this was my fault. I didn’t put

General Yates into this grave. I wish I could believe that. There is a small boy at Ft Shasta who is now without a father.

Journal Entry 9Tony and I are taking our time returning to Bear Country. By now, Bear Country would

have elected a new leader. I hope it was Sheriff Pete. All the soldiers that survived the ambush headed back towards Ft Shasta. Their walk was going to be a long one. I wished them luck in their journey and asked them to be safe. I again apologized for the trouble I caused.

Tony and I didn’t travel very far yesterday or today. We stayed in a hunter’s cabin last night. It was filthy but it was better than sleeping out in the open on the hard ground. I have had enough sleeping on the ground to last a lifetime. The cabin was near a stream. Tony accidentally scooped a fish out with his hands. He spent the next hour in the ice-cold freezing water trying to catch another one and never came close. The one fish barely gave each of us three mouths full but it was good.

Today we went exploring. I don’t think we covered more than a couple of miles. Tony and I stumbled across a gang of naturalist called the Sequoia. Relax they were friendly. Their gang leader offered us a place to stay for the night. Tony is out bathing in the creek with the men. I plan to go with the women as soon as he gets back.

Chapter 2Journal Entry 10Tony and I have decided to stay a couple of days with the Sequoias. Their leader Xu has

graciously invited us to spend as much time as we wanted here provided with help out with the chores. Tony is out hunting with the boys. Xu’s wife Palesa gave him a grocery list of things to bring back for dinner. Palesa was very insistent that Xu find everything that was on the list.

I have been sitting around most of the day. I did help prepare breakfast and wash the dishes. This gang has a large number of toddlers and smaller children. I am amazed their infant survival rate is so high. A large majority of the women here look as if they are pregnant and couple of them look as if they were about to give birth any day now.

Xu’s wife Palesa already has two children and it looks as if she is going to have another. I like Palesa she has a sense of humor and a very happy disposition. I asked Palesa if it is hard raising her children out here in the wilderness. Palesa assured me that it was actually very simple. This is amazing because I have seen at least a dozen girls have babies back home since the virus and only two of them delivered babies that survived more than a week. Aleece is one of those babies. I hope Aleece and her Mom Casey are safe and happy somewhere. Aleece must be getting very big by now. I wonder if she is crawling yet.

Journal Entry 11I am enjoying my stay. I think I could stay here forever. The Sequoia’s have a simple life

but it is a good life. Everyone shares everything. Everyone has chores. No one fights. The small children run around play and act as if they don’t have a care in the world.

Palesa is an inspiration. She has so much energy and a good heart. I watched her mend hurt feelings when one of the smaller children couldn’t keep up in a game of keep away. All the children go to school. Palesa said that everyone learns to read. Story time is one of the highlights of the day for the younger children.

Tony is enjoying his hunting trips with the men and has been helping Xu with the mending of shelters. I think he is enjoying his time here also. I love the evenings out here. The stars are so bright.

Last night we say a meteor shower that lasted more than an hour. One of the smallest children brought the meteors to our attention. It was so cool.

The children all giggled in delight every time they saw a bright light fly across the sky. Tony and I also enjoyed the show. When sent the smaller children to bed after we were certain the show was complete. The evening hours are so peaceful.

Journal Entry 12It has been a fun day. The longer I am here the more I think this is the perfect place to

live. I was sitting on a log near the creek thinking about life when Palesa came up behind me and wanted to know if I wanted to see a wedding ceremony. Oh course my answer was yes.

The Sequoia gang has an interesting way of finalizing wedding vows. The ceremony was actually quite beautiful. The bride and the groom were lovely and looked so happy. Like our wedding ceremonies back at Bear Country, there were lit candles, a lovely speech, songs about love and blessings. Everyone gave the happy couple a blessing of happiness even the smaller children. At the end of the ceremony, the couple stripped naked, jumped into the waterfalls and bathed each other as everyone cheered them on. It was very sweet and a unique experience to watch.

After the ceremony, Palesa asked me about the ceremony Tony and I had. She was just curious about how my world handled weddings. I had to tell her that Tony and I aren’t married. He is my friend. A couple of times he has been more than my friend. We have a bond to each other but we aren’t married. Palesa was a little surprised. She said the way we act toward each other she just assumed we had made a lifetime commitment.

Maybe someday Tony and I will make a lifetime commitment to each other but for now, I am still hurting over the death of Yates. Tony has made it clear that he loves me but he understands that I need a little time.

Journal Entry 13Tony and I were out of bed early this morning. I have been sleeping so well. I think it is

the constant fresh air. Tony was getting ready to go hunting with the men when Palesa stopped him in his tracks and said that she had a different chore for the both of us today. Tony was a little disappointed but he didn’t argue. I think Palesa is trying to match make. She thinks she is being sneaky but she isn’t. Palesa sent Tony and me grocery shopping today to collect berries, mushrooms, wild onions and hickory nuts. It was our chore for the day and I enjoyed it. Palesa drew a couple of nice pictures to show us what we were looking for. It was a fun adventure if you don’t include the invasion of ants that attacked Tony while he was up one of the trees and the large spider that climbed up my arm while I was picking berries.

You should have seen Tony climb the trees. At first, I was thinking we were going to return to the village without the nuts but after a few tries Tony actually made it up into the trees. Palesa told us not to collect the nuts off the ground (she made sure we understood this point) because they were usually rotten and often contain more insects than the nuts still on the trees. The berries were simple to collect and Palesa said as long as we picked only the mushroom she had drawn we wouldn’t pick anything deadly. She suggested we didn’t sample any until we returned to the village just to be safe. It has been a very good day.

Journal Entry 14Sometimes the days you are expecting to be long and boring turn out to be something

else entirely. I spent the day keeping the smaller children occupied. I didn’t want this particular chore but Palesa said it was my turn. I asked if I could change chores with someone else. I was willing to gather wood. I was even willing to get rid of the garbage. Palesa smiled at me and said “No”.

Therefore, I spent the day with the little ones. At first I had no clue what to do to keep them occupied. I tried just letting them play but they kept arguing with each other over the littlest things. I tried making up stories off the top of my head but my brain wasn’t working so well. The stories were boring and putting me to sleep. The children were bored as well. I couldn’t keep their attention. Suddenly an idea hit me in the head, actually, it was a pinecone thrown by one of the children.

I introduced my little friends to the pinecone people. Before it was midmorning, we had an entire village outlined in the dirt with rocks and populated with pinecone citizens of every shape and size. Our city continued to grow thru out the day. By mid afternoon, we had help from several of the older children and most of the gang seniors.

Am I good or what?Journal Entry 15Tony and I sleep in the same hut next to each other in separate beds. At least we did

until someone decided to play a joke and put a couple berries in the center of my bed. I didn’t realize the berries were there until I started to feel the ants bite me. I jumped out of bed and stripped naked. I was trying to get all the ants off and prevent further biting. Tony thought my little ant dance was funny. I didn’t think it was funny and when I get the chance, Tony is going to pay. Tony swears he did not put the berries in my bed but I have my doubts. I had to remind him a couple of times yesterday not to eat in the hut.

The ants were very tiny but they left a couple dozen welts on my legs and abdomen. I made Tony share his bed. A colony of ants inhabited mine. I told him if he laid one hand on me during the night, he was a dead man. I think he knew I was mad. He complied with my wishes all night long. Neither one of us got much sleep. The ant bites itched and stung. I couldn’t get comfortable. I tossed and turned most of the night. Palesa gave me some salve to put on the bites this morning.

Journal Entry 16It took me most of the morning to wash and remove the ants from my bed linen. Those

little ants were so tiny it was almost impossible to see some of them. Just a little note wet ants are harder to remove than dry ants. I hung everything up to dry and then cleaned the hut to make sure there weren’t any tiny stragglers hanging around.

There was another meteor shower this evening. It was so very cool. This shower lasted a lot longer than the one the other night. The meteors were larger and brighter this time. I was expecting a couple of the meteors to hit the ground with a loud boom. Tony said they all burn up before they hit the ground. I hate it when he is a know it all.

I was holding little Kinsey, one of the smaller children during the light show. Kinsey is so cute she reminds me of one of those little cupid statues you used to find in the Hallmark stores back before the virus. Kinsey fell asleep before the light show ended so I laid her on my bed.

Don’t lay small children on your freshly washed bed linens. She peed all over my clean bed. Tony offered to let me share his bed again but asked that this time I didn’t wiggle around all night. I thought of saying that I wouldn’t have had to wiggle around all night long if he hadn’t put ants in my bed but I was afraid he might make me sleep on the dirt floor. I said “Thank you” and jumped into my side of Tony’s bed.

Journal Entry 17I hate being afraid. I hate irrational fear. I woke up in the middle of the night to thunder

and lightning. I hate thunder and lightning. I tried to be brave and ignore the storm by hiding under my blankets but I couldn’t. Every time the lightening lit up the sky and the thunder clapped, I nearly fell off my bed. I think I have a fear of being turned into a French fry.

Tony never moved. He just lay there in his bed next to mine sleeping as if nothing life threatening was happening. I crawled into bed with Tony. He didn’t seem to mind. Actually, I don’t even think he noticed I was there until I had stolen all the blankets in my attempt to hide from Mother Nature.

It has rained most of the day. Thankfully, the rain stopped a couple of hours ago and I am no longer drenched to the bone. There is almost nothing worse than being cold and wet for hours on end. The only thing good about the rain is that everything smells good afterward.

Tony is becoming a very skilled hunter. He spent most of the morning out in the rain with several of the other men trying to catch something big enough for dinner tonight. I spent most of the morning attempting to keep the fire going.

Journal Entry 18Tony and I spent the morning fixing our hut to help keep out the wind and rain. We also

added a canopy off the front and reinforced the sides. The hut sprung a leak over my bed last night. I think the fates don’t want me sleeping in my own bed. I tried to move my bed away from the leak but the hut is too small. It didn’t matter which direction I moved my bed. I crawled into bed with Tony. It’s not so bad he is cuddly and doesn’t snore. If he objects, he hasn’t mentioned it to me.

It has rained on and off all morning. The clouds move in and then they clear away. The sky looks dark over the far mountains. I think a big storm is moving in. Palesa said if things start to look bad we will have to move to the cave. I didn’t know we had a cave. Palesa said she would give Tony and me a tour. She needed to complete her chores first.

The meteor showers continue. I think the meteors are getting bigger and brighter. There was another light show last night before the clouds moved in and it started to rain. I am certain I saw a meteor fly across the sky when I was down by the creek earlier today. I didn’t know it was possible to see meteors during the day.

Journal Entry 19The rain finally stopped in the midmorning hours. We did not have to retreat to the

cave. The skies are clear again. Mud puddles are everywhere. The children are enjoying the mud puddles to the dismay of their parents. There isn’t one child not covered in mud from head to toe. Bath time this evening should be interesting. I can understand their attraction to the mud. I couldn’t resist standing in one of the puddles myself. There is something undeniably fun about squishing mud between your toes.

The creek is significantly wider and deeper. We asked all the small children to stay away from the creek. Tony and Xu were fishing earlier. They both had to jump into the creek and

retrieve a toddler caught in the fast flowing water while trying to retrieve a ball. The child is fine. A little water logged but fine.

Meteors continue to fly across the sky in amazing numbers. They have been flying across the sky all day. They look like little fireballs. It is no longer cool to see them fly across the sky. It is a little scary. Xu and Palesa held a meeting today. I think they are worried. I am worried and I know Tony is worried. Neither of us can remember every hearing about meteors of this size passing by the earth.

I wish the library trio (Marty, Gretchen and Cecelia) was available. They would know where to do research to get information. I have a feeling they would say something like “The last time meteors of this magnitude and numbers hit the earth the dinosaurs died out.” Scary thought.

Chapter 3Journal Entry 20We have taken refuge in the cave. Xu and Palesa claim it is the safest place to be now.

They are doing a fine job at trying to keep people calm. I think my adrenaline level is off the scale. My heart feels like it is beating a thousand times a minute.

Tony is so brave if he is afraid he isn’t showing it. The meteors continue to fly across the sky by the thousands. Several meteors ranging in size from marbles to baseballs have fallen in and around the Sequoia Gang village. We were lucky that none of the meteors fell directly on any of the huts. A meteor barely missed obliterating Tony and me. It struck the ground in front of our hut. It was the first hint in the middle of the night that something was terribly wrong. The explosion was so loud that everyone in camp was knocked out of their beds. We gathered up our things as quickly as we could and went to the cave. There are fires everywhere. For several hours, the meteors have been hitting the ground. It sounds like bombs exploding. Everyone is afraid. I am having my doubts that this cave is truly a safe place to be. I think I am feeling Closter-phobic. A meteor would entomb us if it hits the right spot.

Journal Entry 21We barely avoided a disaster early this morning. A meteor fell within about 50 yards of

the cave and started a fire. We were lucky the wind was blowing away from the cave and not towards it. We stop the fire before it climbed any of the bigger trees. Fires are everywhere. The air smells like smoke. I think we will be fine as long as the wind doesn’t change directions.

I hate this cave. It is dirty and smells. There is bat poop everywhere. I have never seen so many bugs in one place. I tried to clean a place for Tony and I to sleep but the bugs keep invading our space. I had a horrible time trying to sleep last night. I woke up several times with bugs crawling over my face. I don’t even want to think about the ones crawling over the other parts of me.

I think the worst of the meteor shower is over. I haven’t heard anything big hit the ground in hours. We see the occasional meteor crossing the sky. They are getting smaller. Xu and Palesa are not ready to let us go back to the village. I understand their concern but I hate these bugs.

Journal Entry 22It has been nearly twenty-four hours since we noticed the last meteor cross the sky. I

fell asleep last night sitting up, and leaning against Tony. I was hesitant about lying down. I hate bugs. I hate the thought of them crawling all over me. Tony said he would keep the bugs off. I

told him I would only sleep a couple of hours and then he could sleep. I promised to keep the bugs off him too. Tony let me sleep the entire night. At least until a nightmare woke me (us) up. We have decided to stay in the cave until this evening. If no more meteors cross the sky, we are going to move back to the village.

I had a weird dream last night. I dreamt aliens had taken over the earth. They had snuck down to Earth during the meteor shower. Everyone was trying to hide by blending in with the aliens. Everyone seemed to have the proper clothes. I was stuck in the cave without my clothes. All I had was a blanket. All my clothes were gone or too small. I had no bra, no underwear and no shoes. Everyone could speak the alien language but me. I couldn’t understand a word they were saying. I couldn’t blend in. I must have been crying in my sleep. Tony woke me up just as the aliens prepared me as dinner. The aliens were going to eat me. None of my friends could help me because they were trying to blend in.

Journal Entry 23The sky is dark and gray. The air is thick with smoke and the ground keeps shaking. I am

tired of trying to survive. I want to live and enjoy life. I feel as if I am carrying a black cloud over my head. No matter where I go, disaster follows me. The earthquakes started about the time we decided to leave the cave and return to the village. Everyone made it out of the cave safely. I don’t know how we all made it out but we did. The first quake started suddenly and seemed to last forever. It was difficult to stay standing. Tony and I were standing at the entrance of the cave when the first quake started. I don’t know how long we stood there (tried to stand there) looking at each other. I think it took me a moment to realize what was happening was actually an earthquake. At first, I thought maybe a large meteor had struck the ground nearby. If the world is going to end, I wish it would hurry up and do it.

The meteors and the earthquakes have destroyed most of the Sequoia village. Only a couple of the huts are still standing and they have major damage. We have been trying to gather supplies to rebuild but it is going to take time.

The smaller children cling to us and beg to be held constantly. When a baby fills your arms, it's hard to do any work. Xu, Tony and a couple of the other senior gang members went out hunting but came back empty handed. They couldn’t even catch any fish. The stream that was wildly flowing a couple days ago had dwindled down to practically no water at all. We have a few supplies left but it will only last a couple of days. It would be nice to put some meat on the table instead of just berries, mushrooms and wild onions.

Journal Entry 24Xu and Palesa have decided to move the Sequoia village to a new location. We have

stopped rebuilding. Our new focus is packing up the needed necessities into manageable loads. This area is no longer habitable. The creek has stopped flowing due to the earthquakes and meteor damage to the surrounding area. Even the waterfall has stopped flowing. What a shame is was a beautiful waterfall.

The Sequoia’s cannot survive without fresh water. The nearest water source is too far to travel on a daily basis. Fires have damaged a considerable amount of the forest in this area. Many fires continue to burn. Smoke still fills the sky.

My lungs hurt from breathing in bad air. I think most of the animals have moved to a safer location. Tony and Xu climbed to the top of the mountain today to look out over the surrounding area. Their journey took most of the day. I was a nervous wreck the entire time

they were gone. Tony said the forest to the East looks like it received the least amount of damage from the meteors. The Sequoia’s will be looking for a new home in that direction.

Tony and I have decided not to follow the Sequoia’s to their new home. We have decided to return to Bear Country. My heart is pulling me home. I only hope that Bear Country survived the meteors and the earthquakes. I am feeling sad about having to leave Palesa. I was hoping I would be around to see her deliver her new baby. Palesa assures me her delivery is still weeks away. I am wondering if her baby will be a boy or a girl. Palesa has been a good friend. She is a strong woman. Xu is a good strong leader. I will miss them both. I will miss everyone here.

Journal Entry 25Tony and I said goodbye to Xu, Palesa and the rest of the Sequoia gang. I cried. I tried

not to but I did. They are all good people. I am going to miss them tremendously. I hope they can find a home without having to travel too far. The journey will be difficult for Palesa and the other pregnant girls. I imagine traveling with the small children already in tow will also be a challenge. Palesa made Tony and me necklaces so that we will always remember our time spent with the Sequoia. I wish I had thought to do something similar. I had nothing to give Palesa in return.

Tony and I have been walking towards home most of the morning. We have to stop often and rest. Tony is not feeling well. He has an upset stomach and the runs. He is off in the woods taking care of business. I am currently resting beneath a tree waiting for Tony’s return. I have a feeling I am getting a touch of whatever Tony has. My stomach has recently started to feel icky and bloated with gas. The sky is an awful shade of gray. I wonder if whatever we are breathing in from the air is causing Tony’s difficulties. Depending on how far we travel each day our journey back to Bear Country shouldn’t take that long. I kind of wish we had a truck to travel in. I wish I had a roll of toilet paper.

Journal Entry 26I am getting to the end of this journal. I only have a few pages left. I will have to be

conservative with the pages. I will need to find a new journal soon. The last time I finished with my journal it was a challenge to find a new one to write in. I had to search for weeks and when I did find one, it was expensive. It cost me a piece of my past. I had to give up the necklace my mom gave me when I turned twelve. Truly, I only regretted giving my necklace up for a moment. I needed to write. I think writing my thoughts down helps me keep my sanity. Sometimes writing is more important than eating.

Our journey back home to Bear Country led Tony and me thru a farming community. It was dark and we didn’t mean any harm. We came across a barn and decided to rest for the night. The Gang living on the farm didn’t appreciate our trespassing on their land. I think they thought we were thieves. We tried to explain that we only wanted to rest for the night but they chased us off with pitchforks.

Journal Entry 27I feel as if Tony and I are walking straight into hell. The earthquakes and the meteors

must have hit the area around Bear Country hard. The closer we get to Bear Country the thicker the smoke is in the air. Destruction is everywhere. The earthquakes and meteors have reduced many buildings to rubble. Others look as if they are going to fall any moment.

My lungs hurt and my eyes hurt. I had to rip my shirt to use a strip of the fabric as a mask. The constant breathing in of smoke makes breathing difficult. Soot covers my body. Tony looks horrible. I can only imagine how I look. We both could use a shower. Tony and I have passed many people on the road walking away from Bear Country. The highway leading away from town looks like a refugee migration and we are going in the wrong direction.

A few people have cautioned us about turning around. We continue on our journey in spite of what we see. Bear Country is only a couple hours away if we keep up the pace. Tony is still not feeling well. He has to take numerous breaks to recuperate and go to the bathroom. I am not feeling well but my symptoms are mild and tolerable. I pray my other friends are safe and that Bear Country High School is still standing.

Journal Entry 28The walk up Lafayette Blvd was eerie. It was deserted. Not even a dog or cat rummaging

thru garbage. No one had been on the streets for at least a dozen blocks. In the back of my mind, I had this fear that Bear Country would be nothing but rubble, our friends would be gone and Tony and I would be homeless.

I wanted to cry the moment I saw Bear Country High School still standing. I was home. I stood on the street and prayed someone would be inside. I hoped my friends would see pass the hopelessness of the situation. Ignore the desolation and destruction of the surrounding area and stayed in Bear Country. I don’t know why I was wishing this. If my friends had remained in Bear Country this would mean they were as insane as I am. I must have been standing there, staring at the school for a long time because Tony asked me if I was going to continue standing on the street or if I was going to come inside.

I started yelling for people the moment we entered the front doors. Tony ran toward the bathrooms. The halls were strangely quiet. I ran up and down all the hallways. I had given up hope that anyone was around when Pete walked out of his room in the admin hallway. He was surprised to see me. We hugged.

Journal Entry 29Bear Country is not as vacant as I previously thought. The library trio is still maintaining

the media center. The girls are looking well and healthy. Both of their tummies are obviously now pregnant. Marty sees after their every need. He treats Gretchen and Cecelia as if they were made of glass. The Runt and Jonas were out looking for food and needed supplies. They returned a short while ago. Arms full of supplies. I asked Jonas about his brother Matt. He said Matt and Hemy are fine. They are still living at Central but will be moving to Bear Country in a couple of days. Central received a lot of damage during the meteor showers and the earthquakes. Their gym and part of the second floor collapsed. Lisa is also around but she has been spending most of her time at her boyfriend’s apartment. Pete said he doesn’t like him because he is rude and thinks he is better than everyone else is.

I asked Pete about Joshua and the Spurs gang. He said as far as he knew they are doing fine. Pete hadn’t had much of a chance to walk out there since I left. If I weren’t so tired and hungry, I would walk out there today. Joshua will have to wait until tomorrow.

Chapter 4Journal Entry 30I was able to move back into my old room in the admin hallway. It was vacant. I was

expecting to have to find a new room. Things were exactly how I left them except for the pink

fluffy journal left on my desk. I guess I won’t go searching for a new one. A few more pages and I can switch over to the new journal.

It’s going to be a little odd carrying around a bright pink journal. I am grateful to the person that left this journal in my room. In the front inside cover, someone wrote “For Madie, my friend.” The whole thing is a little strange. I asked Pete if he knew who left the journal. He didn’t know. Pete said he didn’t think anyone had been in my room since the day I left for Ft Shasta with Yates.

Tony is acting a little strange. He has spent most of the day down in the basement in his old room. I asked him if he was going to move upstairs and share my room. He looked at me strangely and said he had a few things to put in order in the basement. I didn’t ask for an explanation I just left the basement. I am not sure but I think Tony rejected me. I swear I will never understand men.

Journal Entry 31Sleep is a good thing unless you spend the night having nightmares. I must be feeling

guilty because last night I dreamt about Yates and his son all night long. I fought and chased Yates around the world the entire night. The places were familiar but all wrong. We crossed bridges, climbed walls, swam oceans and fought evil gang midgets. Yates was being unreasonable. He wouldn’t stop moving and listen to what I had to say. I couldn’t seem to get my point across that he shouldn’t leave his son all alone at Ft Shasta. The dream ended when we came to an electric fence that reached up to the sky. There were adults on the other side. They were pointing and laughing at us. We were in a Zoo. Yates crumbled into dust before my eyes. I started to scream “Let me out”, “Let me out.” That’s when Tony woke me up to see if I wanted breakfast.

Every muscle in my body is sore. I must have been tensing muscles in my dream (nightmare).There have been stories and rumors that the virus didn’t kill off all the adults. If you travel far enough you can find them. Occasionally you while you will come across someone, who knew someone, who knew someone, who ran into an actual adult somewhere. I think people are retelling the same story repeatedly to entertain the little ones and give hope to the older ones.

Journal Entry 32My fingertips are visible when my arm is stretched-out. It’s amazing. I was beginning to

think soot would forever cover the world and the world would forever more smell like smoke. I went up to the roof this morning and looked out over Bear Country. There is more damage to the surrounding area than I had imagined. The meteors destroyed and reduced to rubble several of the buildings within sight of Bear Country. Unfortunately, through the haze you can still see a couple of fires burning in the distance.

I wrapped myself up like a mummy, put on goggles and walked out to the Spurs Fort. I couldn’t wait any longer. I needed to know if Joshua and his gang were safe. I wish I could tell you that everything was fine but it wasn’t. The meteors caused an enormous amount of damage.

It was a sad site to see. There were dead cattle everywhere. Fire destroyed several of the bunkhouses. Luckily, the main house had minimal damage. I knocked on the front door of the main house. The guard wouldn’t let me. He thought I was a beggar looking for food. He told

me to go away or he would set his dog on me. I took my goggles off and told the guard my name. He didn’t believe me.

My nose is still sore from having the door slammed in my face. I knocked again. This time when the door opened a dog jumps out at me. It was Lost. She jumped right at my chest and knocked me to the ground. Joshua steps out of the bunkhouse and points his gun at me. He was a little disappointed Lost didn’t try to eat me.

You should have seen the expression on Joshua’s face when he realized it was his friend Madie lying there on the ground. We had a good laugh and a long talk. I told him my story and he updated me with the latest news around Bear Country.

Journal Entry 33I went out exploring around Bear Country today. I don’t know why I went out except

that there really wasn’t anything else to do. It is still necessary to cover up and wear goggles. The soot in the air kills my eyes. I’m thinking it probably isn’t very good for my lungs either.

There is more drama in Bear Country. While I was exploring a group of kids carrying banners were out parading around chanting that the world is ending unless everyone follows the will of Aloysius. Apparently, Aloysius is the answer to all of our troubles. There is always someone out there ready to exploit a situation and claim to have the answers. This really annoys me. Are we so desperate for guidance that we will believe anyone who claims to have an answer to our problems?

A few people have reopened their Kiosks. This is reassuring. People have started to try to put life back the way it was before the meteors and the earthquakes. I ran into Hyatt today as I was browsing thru the goods at Shanna’s Scraps to Clothes Boutique.

Shanna is so talented. I love her designs. I asked her to put back a shirt for me until I could come up with the can goods to pay for it. Shanna agreed to hold it for a few days but only a few days. I guess that tomorrow I will be out searching for canned goods. Hyatt invited me to his arcade. I told him I would try to drop by tomorrow if I had the time. It was good to see him.

Journal Entry 34I went out looking for can goods this morning. I really wanted that shirt from Shanna’s

Scraps to Clothes Boutique. I couldn’t find anyone to trade with me. All I had to trade was a battery, a box of crayons and a couple of antique hair clips I found in an abandoned apartment.

No one was interested in any of my stuff so I borrowed a couple of cans from the food stores at Bear Country. Shanna was happy to receive the apple pie filling and the sweet condensed milk. I will replace it later. No one really cooks anything around Bear Country anyway.

I put on my new shirt and walked out to Hyatt’s arcade. I asked Tony if he wanted to go with me but as usual, he was too busy for me. Hyatt’s place is nice. I was amazed at how many people were hanging out there. Hyatt acquired a new pool table and several cases of slow gin, bourbon, sake and vodka. I only had two drinks because most of that stuff tastes like rubbing alcohol smells.

I swear I have no idea how people drink that stuff all the time. The two glasses I drank made my head spin and gave me an awful stomachache. I had a great time playing pool. I’m going to go back tomorrow. The person I was playing with said he would give me a couple of lessons to help improve my game. I can’t remember his name. I am hoping Hyatt knows because I don’t want to look like a fool tomorrow.

Journal Entry 35Lisa was ranting like a mad woman a little while ago. She was having a heated discussion

with Pete about who took her cans of apple pie filling and condensed milk. I came onto the conversation just as Lisa was accusing Pete, Jonas or Tony of taking the cans.

Apparently, I have more sense than to take someone’s cake ingredients. Lisa said something like “Well, I know it’s not, Madie. She has more sense than to take someone’s cake ingredients.” I guess taking those can goods from the food stores to get that new shirt was a mistake. Lisa was going to make her boyfriend a cake for his birthday in a couple of days. I haven’t told Lisa I borrowed the cans. Maybe I can replace them and not have to tell her I took them.

I asked Tony after breakfast if he wanted to go to Hyatt’s Arcade, play pool and have a little fun. He said he was busy. Of course, he’s busy. He only has time for me on his own terms. He had better not show up at my room later wanting to talk. I’m off to the arcade. At least people play with me there.

Journal Entry 36Bear Country is so quiet. I think nearly everyone is still asleep. A few people are

probably recovering from nasty hangovers. I have a slight headache but nothing else. I heard a couple of people attempt to make it to the bathroom during the night. I hope they made it to the toilet.

Central High School is on the verge of collapse. I am actually amazed that it is still standing. Nearly half of the second floor collapsed onto the first. Pete, Matt, Jonas and Victor put up signs cautioning people to stay out of the building.

The Central Bobcats held a ceremony yesterday afternoon on the front lawn of Central High School. The ceremony was a way of giving closer and disbanding the Central Bobcat gang. It was so sad. Poor Hemy, Central was her home. The Bobcats were her gang. Hemy spent the last couple of days saying goodbye to people. Most of the members of her gang left to seek out a new life somewhere else. Hemy hated having say goodbye to her friends. I think it broke her heart. The remaining members of the Central Bobcats have become members of Bear Country.

After the ceremony, everyone went to Hyatt’s Arcade. We danced, played pool and drank some of Hyatt’s finest. I think a few people probably drank a little too much. The only people that behaved themselves were the library trio, Marty, Gretchen and Cecelia.

Journal Entry 37I hate feeling guilty. I woke up early this morning and put everything I didn’t need any

more into my backpack. After breakfast, I set out on my journey to find apple pie filling and condensed milk. I must have walked a hundred miles and asked a hundred people if they knew where I could find any. Most everyone looked at me as if I was crazy. (If you want canned lima beans, I know where to find some).

I went to every kiosk in the plaza. No one had any canned fruit. I did find a couple cans of condensed milk. It only cost me three pairs of socks and my bottle of shampoo from the Hamilton INN. I was getting ready to return home to Bear Country when I saw a boy pushing a cart filled with homegrown vegetables.

I don’t know why I asked him about the apple pie filling except that I was hoping there was some small chance he might know someone. He did! I was so happy I jumped for joy in the

middle of the street. The information cost me my six superman comics. I spent the next hour walking to the edge of town looking for a blue house with a horse and a pig in the backyard.

Journal Entry 38In all honesty, I have never seen a pig that large. My first thought was that the pig must

have been eating well. My second thought was some genetic experiment exceeded its goal of making an improved pig. I was staring at the pig amazed at its enormity when I feel someone tap me on the shoulder. The tap was unexpected and I nearly jumped out of my shoes. I turn around to see Spock looking down at me. It wasn’t exactly Spock but someone trying his best to be Spock. He had the haircut and even went as far as having his ears altered. He was a big boy with a voice as deep down into the cellar as anyone could get.

“Have you come to join the Federation?” he asked. I almost felt as if I should be saying yes but I said “No”. Before I could tell Spock why I was there, he asked if I liked his pig Worf. I replied he was a nice pig. That’s when I noticed Worf had a few extra ridges on the top of his head. The poor pig, someone had purposely tried to make him look more like a Klingon.

Spock asked me if I wanted to meet his friends. I did a little more staring at Spock and at the pig. I didn’t mean to stare but I couldn’t help myself. Your probably wondering why I didn’t just run away. I was hoping Spock had canned apples stashed away somewhere. In response to Spock asking me if I wanted to meet his friends, I said yes.

Journal Entry 39When Spock said friends, I was really expecting hamsters, a bird, a snake and maybe a

dog. I had an image in my mind. All of Spock’s little friends would be dressed up like Star Trek Characters or altered in some way to look like a Star Trek character. Spock would be doing his best to take care of his little friends. The house would be a horrible mess. Over in the corner neatly stacked would be a couple cases of my canned apples. I was wrong. I followed Spock up the stairs of the blue house.

The front door was like any other front door. The inner door on the other hand required Spock to punch in numbers on a keypad and submit to a retinal scan. There was suddenly a feeling of being in the Twilight Zone. The white door slid open to the left with a familiar swooshing sound. Spock stepped forward. I just stood there staring out into the room.

Working computers and two large flat-screened televisions filled the room. Everyone in the room was wearing Star Trek uniforms. I must have been a surprise because everyone stopped what he or she was doing to stare at me.

Chapter 5Journal Entry 40Spock was in trouble. A security team in red shirts surrounds me. A red shirt yelled at

Spock for not following the rules. I hear an order to let me go. The security team hesitates as Captain Patel steps up to me and says, “Let her go. She doesn’t look dangerous. She’s probably not too smart either. She followed Spock into our station.” Everyone in the room laughs. (I am always being insulted.)

The Captain gives an order to Lt Bryant to fix the security camera out front, so that Spock can’t bring in any more unwanted guests. I get a gratuitous smile as the Captain says “Welcome to Earth Station 1.” Captain Patel steps up real close to my face “Why are you here?”

He smelled as if he had been eating tuna fish. At least I was hoping it was tuna fish and his breath didn’t smell like that all the time. I resisted the urge to grab my nose. I take a step back to relieve my nose from the nauseous fumes.

I explain my quest for canned apples as the Captain and the rest of his crew stare at me in disbelief. Captain Patel asks me where I am from. I didn’t get a chance to answer. One of the flat screen TVs suddenly comes alive.

Journal Entry 41Instead of “You’ve Got Mail.”, the flat screen said “In Coming Communiqué.” Capt Patel

had a couple of his security guards shuffle me off to another room. I played with the starship models displayed around the room for about 20 minutes, maybe longer. I think I lost track of time. Some of the ships had actual working lights. I don’t think Capt Patel appreciated me touching his starships. I was flying the Enterprise around the room when he walked in. He asked me to put his ship back where I found it. I went to put the ship back on its stand and tripped on a snag in the rug. I didn’t drop the ship but you should have seen the expression on the Captain’s face. I think I caused his heart to skip a couple of beats. If he didn’t want me playing with the starships he should have put me in a different room.

I had to stand there for about five minutes and listen to Capt Patel scold me for touching his ships. The ships he had been collecting and building for years, the ships that meant more to him than life. He went on and on with his tirade. I kept trying to interrupt. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. I yelled “Do you have canned apple pie filling or not!”

Journal Entry 42After a few minutes of negotiations I agreed to hand over my broken IPOD and my

potholder kit in exchange for two cans of canned apples. The potholder kit was for Spock. Capt Patel was certain one of his ensigns could fix the IPod. If he did get it to work, it had about 250 songs on it.

Capt Patel and I walked back out into the main room. The lights were on low. A computer game played on both of the big screen TVs. It looked fun. I stopped to watch. Capt Patel grabbed me by my shirt and tugged me along. He was a bit impatient. I followed him into the kitchen.

I was expecting Capt Patel to opened one of the cabinets in the kitchen and hand me two cans of canned apples. It didn’t happen. Instead, we passed thru another security door, walked down a flight of stairs, walked down a long hallway, took an elevator down two floors, walked down another hallway and entered a walk- in refrigerator. The refrigerator was huge. From ceiling to floor were stacks and stacks of canned goods. Capt Patel handed me the two cans of apples as we agreed upon and we made our way back to the top.

Capt Patel’s father had been part of a secret society of survivalist. He built the underground structure of the house in the 1980’s. It was supposed to be a safe retreat in case of nuclear attack.

Journal Entry 43It’s sad. Our parents thought they had prepared for everything. The wealthy built fallout

shelters to safeguard their families in case the unmentionable happened. I guess they weren’t expecting a virus. All their preparations to survive a global war were futile. An overzealous scientist let a science experiment escape out into the world. At least, I think that’s what happened. I’m not sure. My parents used to discuss the epidemic over dinner. I only half

listened. I really didn’t know the severity of the situation until the epidemic spread to my neighborhood. Once the virus reached your house, it was only a matter of days before death raised his ugly head.

I think Mrs. White was the first casualty on our block. She died sitting in her rocker on her front porch with her cat sitting on her lap. Body retrievers were already in use by then. A phone number continuously scrolled across the bottom of the TV. If someone died in your neighborhood you were suppose to call the number. Only the stupid would come within 100 feet of a dead body. If a family member died you were suppose to place them on the curb next to the street. The body retrievers drove around in a big army truck. People dressed in chemical suits would retrieve the bodies. Old lady White was on her porch for days. I had nightmares every night for a week after she died. I kept dreaming she would come into my house and sit on the foot of my bed. By the time, my parents died the body retrievers didn’t come around anymore.

Capt Patel was in a hurry to see me leave after we reached the main room. Everyone was strangely quiet. Another communiqué was on hold on one of the big screen TVs. Capt Patel’s first officer looked a bit nervous and a little agitated at my presence. I tried to ask what was going on but no one seemed interested in answering my questions. Red shirts escorted me out the front door. They practically thru me down the front stairs.

Journal Entry 44Heed the will of Aloysius. Praise be Aloysius. Aloysius is the way. People filled the streets

singing his praises. At least they were nice about it. A roadside kiosk owner offered me a glass of water. The water was a gift from Aloysius. He doesn’t want anyone to thirst. The walk home was longer than I had expected. I now have a blister the size of Texas on the top of my little toe. I won’t be putting my shoe back on my right foot for a couple of days. Maybe it’s my punishment from Aloysius for taking the canned apples.

I almost succeeded in putting the canned apple pie filling back into the food stores. I was pulling the two cans of apples out of my backpack when Pete walked around the corner. Sheriff Pete didn’t believe me when I said I was restocking our supplies. I tried to play innocent but ultimately I had to admit that I took the apples. He was a bit peeved I didn’t speak up and tell Lisa I took them.

Journal Entry 45I slept in. All that walking yesterday seriously tired me out. My little toe is killing me. I

woke up this morning with my toe stuck to the top sheet of my bed. I didn’t realize my toe was stuck until I moved my leg and ripped off the top layer of my toe. I bled all the way to the bathroom.

Lisa was baking her cake when I went down to breakfast. It smelled nice. Lisa didn’t look like she was enjoying the process of baking. She was stressing over whether or not her boyfriend was going to like it. She kept peeking in the oven to make sure it wasn’t going to burn or over cook. Lisa said her boyfriend is very particular about the food he eats. She wanted the cake to be perfect. I hope he is thankful. Pete said Lisa’s boyfriend is a control freak. I have known men like that. They are not easy to please.

Tony and Victor asked if I wanted to go and spend the day out at the Spurs Fort. I would have liked to visit with Joshua but the thought of walking all that way on my sore foot didn’t sound appealing. I declined. Tony wanted me to go. He begged and pleaded until I uncovered

my toe. Tony kissed me on my forehead and asked me to keep my foot clean. He said he didn’t want to return to Bear Country later tonight and discover that it was necessary to hold me down and cut my foot off. He has an obvious deep concern for my welfare.

Journal Entry 46We sometimes learn lessons the hard way. Lisa locked herself in her room. She won’t let

me in and she won’t come out.The evening started out very mellow. I was spending a little time outside. The night sky

was clear. It hadn’t been clear since before the meteors and the earthquakes. It was a beautiful quiet evening. Nearly everyone had gone out for the night.

I was sitting on the front steps of the school with my foot propped up on a pillow. I was watching the stars and enjoying the night air. I was at peace.

My peace ended abruptly as Sheriff Pete and a couple of his deputies throw Lisa’s boyfriend out the front doors of the school and down the stairs. The next few moments are somewhat of a blur. I was trying to recover from having my foot stepped on by Tyson. He stepped on my foot after Pete tries to shove him further down the stairs.

Lisa was crying at the top of the stairs begging Pete and Tyson to stop fighting. Lisa’s hair was a mess and cake covered her shirt. Pete wasn’t going to stop fighting with Tyson until he agreed not to return to Bear Country. Tyson wasn’t going to leave until Lisa agreed to leave with him. The next few moments were a bit intense. I thought Lisa would choose to leave but she didn’t. Tyson left but not before telling Lisa, she was worthless.

Journal Entry 47Matt, Hemy, Tony and I spent several hours at the park today. It was nice. We packed a

lunch, the game trouble and a football. Hemy and I beat the boys 3 out of four games of trouble. It wasn’t Matt or Tony’s day to roll a six. Hemy and I kept throwing sixes repeatedly. Hemy and I would have two of our game pieces home before Tony or Matt even made it out of the starting gate.

Tony and Matt decided to toss the football around after losing three consecutive games of trouble in a row. Hemy and I weren’t interested in playing. We decided to lie under a tree and talk. We were having a nice conversation when suddenly the air filled with music. Hemy in all of her wisdom asked if today was Sunday. We discussed the matter and concluded that today was not Sunday but some other day of the week. Neither of us was sure which one. We followed the sound of the music and discovered we were not alone in the Park. A group of about 50 followers of Aloysius was also in the park.

Curiosity was killing me. I had to know what was up with this Aloysius person. I persuaded Matt, Hemy and Tony to walk with me to the other side of the park and listen to the words of Aloysius. I was hoping to be inspired. We didn’t get to see Aloysius but we did get to see about half a dozen people talk about the great Aloysius and all of his good deeds.

Journal Entry 48If what I heard is true then Aloysius is truly magnificent. I am thinking this is probably

not the case. I doubt Aloysius is everything his/her followers claim. I am not sure why people look towards religion to fix the problems of the day. If we are going to get back what we had before the virus it is going to take determination and cooperation from all. I guess in a small way I wish there was a person out there that really knew how to fix all of our problems. He or she would put life back to the way it was before the virus destroyed everything that was good.

I’m the only person that can fix or improve my situation. I can ask for the help of my friends and my friends can ask for my help. Profits are only out to improve their situation. There is always some hidden agenda. There are good gangs and there are bad gangs. I have seen more bad than good. The strong usually prey upon the weak. I am afraid that this is the way life will continue to be for a long time coming. I think our struggles are only beginning. The strong will continue to get stronger and the weak will continue to look toward the strong for a quick fix to their problems.

We can rebuild society. It is going to take time. Along the way there is going to be obstacle after obstacle. I can think of about a dozen people who have proclaimed themselves profits. None of these people was real. They played on the weakness and needs of others to improve their standing in society. Ultimate power over the masses was usually the goal.

I saw Lisa and Tyson at the Aloysius rally. They were hugging and kissing. I guess she forgave him. What a shame. I wish I knew what kind of hold he has on her. Sheriff Pete will not be happy. Lisa’s happiness and welfare seems to be important to him.

Journal Entry 49I couldn’t sleep so I woke up early to start my day. I ran into Lisa as I was going to the

showers. I don’t think she was expecting anyone else to be up that early, especially not me. Lisa was not happy to see me. When I arrived in the bathroom, Lisa was standing in

front of the mirror examining a rather large bruise on her left arm. Without asking, I knew it was Tyson. Lisa tried quickly to put on her shirt so I couldn’t see the bruises. I confronted Lisa about Tyson and his violent behavior. She told me to mind my own business. I tried to make her listen to reason. In her anger, she pushed me against one of the sinks. My tailbone hit the waterspout on the sink. I banged my head on the mirror and broke it. I also put a nice little cut on the back of my head. I actually didn’t realize the cut was there until I jumped into the shower and started washing my hair.

After my shower, I went down to the food stores to see if I could find something for breakfast. Tony was already up cooking eggs. They smelled so good. It’s not easy to find eggs in the market place.

Not a lot of people have chickens. Getting eggs usually requires knowing someone that has chickens and usually you have to be good friends with this person. Tony was a little surprised to see me. I hobbled into the kitchen on my sore foot and bandages around my head. Tony said it looked like I had just returned from war.

Tony rescued me and helped me sit down at a table. Sitting was a challenge I think I bruised my tailbone on the sink faucet.

I started to tell Tony what happened in the bathroom when Sheriff Pete walked in on our conversation. He heard me mention Lisa and the bruises on her arm. He ran out as quickly as he entered.

Chapter 6Journal Entry 50After a moment of prodding by me, Tony ran after Pete. I finished off Tony’s eggs. It was

almost an hour before the two of them returned to Bear Country. I was sitting at the top of the stairs with Hemy, Gretchen and Cecelia. The four of us were discussing babies. Gretchen and Cecelia have the cutest tummies. It is actually possible to feel their babies move. Marty was out looking for baby furniture. He is the most adorable father to be.

Tony and Pete went straight to the weight room. I hung outside the weight room doors for about 10 minutes trying to listen to their conversation. Unfortunately, the doors are thick and hard to hear thru. I gave up trying to listen after Hemy drug me away from the door. Hemy said I was snooping. For the record, I’m suppose to snoop it’s my job. If I don’t snoop, I can’t write down what happens around here. It was almost lunch before Pete and Tony finally came out of the weight room. The must have been working out hard. Tony and Pete were both drenched in sweat. I offered to make the both of them lunch. I suggested they both shower first. The heat and the stink was radiating off the both of them.

Journal Entry 51The nerve of some people, Tyson knew he wasn’t welcome in Bear Country. I’m sure

Sheriff Pete made that perfectly clear the other day. Lisa should have known there was going to be discourse if she had Tyson stay the night. The girl needs her head examined. If Lisa and Tyson needed to spend time together, why didn’t they stay at his place? At least have him leave before the sun came up.

Tony and I had slept in. We were up late last night playing cards and talking. Tony and I were snuggling when Pete tosses Tyson against the door to my room. Arms went everywhere. Tony nearly threw me out of bed.

Sheriff Pete and Tyson were in another fight. I dressed as quickly as I could. Tony went out into the hall with nothing but his shorts on. By the time, I was dressed and made it out into the admin hallway, a dozen people were trying to stop the fight. Tony had a bloody nose and holding on to Pete. Matt and Jonas were struggling with their hold on Tyson.

Over the next few moments, Tyson and Pete threw insults and vulgarity at each other. Lisa is standing over against the wall crying asking them to both stop.

As gang leader, Sheriff Pete demanded Tyson leave Bear Country. Tyson insisted he didn’t have to leave. Lisa could bring anyone she wanted into Bear Country. Tyson is not a smart man. He looked Pete straight in the eyes and added “Your jealous Lisa is sharing her bed with me.”

That’s when Pete broke loose of Tony’s grip.Journal Entry 52Sheriff Pete got in a couple of good punches. Tyson kicked Pete in the abdomen. Pete

went down hard. Matt and Jonas pinned Tyson to the wall. Matt or Jonas slugged Tyson and he went down. I didn’t see which one. Maybe both? I

was trying to help Pete up off the floor. We threw Tyson out of Bear Country. I gave Lisa was the option to follow. I yelled at her for causing the fight. Lisa’s irresponsibility caused the whole ruckus in the admin hallway. Lisa gave me the stare of death and followed Tyson out. I kind of hope she doesn’t return.

Tony and I spent most of the day at Hyatt’s Arcade with Matt, Hemy and Jonas. We asked Sheriff Pete if he wanted to go with us but he declined. Tony teased him by saying it was a good place to meet girls. Pete didn’t see the humor. Pete turned our invitation down and went to do his own thing.

Joshua and several members of the Spurs Gang were already at Hyatt’s arcade when we arrived. We spent the next couple of hours drinking, playing pool and playing darts in competition against the Spurs. Several followers of Aloysius interrupted our fun when they entered the arcade and started preaching. We tried to ignore them but after a while, it became

difficult. Hyatt tried to kick them out but they wouldn’t leave. It took nearly everyone in the arcade to get the Aloysius followers thrown out onto the street.

Journal Entry 53Lisa has not returned to Bear Country. I doubt she is gone for good. Her things are still in

her room. I hope she comes to her senses before Tyson does serious damage to her body. The whole thing doesn’t make any sense. Lisa has always been a sensible person. I would have never thought Lisa would become involved with a person like Tyson. Lisa has always been sweet and kind.

I went shopping with Hemy today. We spent most of the day going from kiosk to kiosk. I wish I could say we found some great finds but we didn’t. With the exception of a couple of produce kiosks, nearly everything sold was garbage. Who would want to barter for a tin full of bottle caps? To get anything good these days you have to know someone that knows someone.

The followers of Aloysius were out mingling with the crowd. They were on their best behavior. Most of them were walking around being friendly and blessing people. I think there are two distinct groups of Aloysius followers. The loud noisy follow Aloysius or die people and the Aloysius is the way, let’s all love each other people.

Hemy and I stopped at a kiosk to look at some sad looking beat up books when a Dirt Bike Knight purposely trips a follower of Aloysius. The white clad follower falls to the ground at my feet. I reached down to help him to his feet. I know the leader of the Dirt Bike Knights and she is not going to like it when I tell her that her little brother is purposely being rude to people.

I never got the name of the Aloysius follower but he thanked me for coming to his aid. He seemed nice enough and he was cute.

Journal Entry 54I went to Hyatt’s arcade with Pete, Tony and Jonas. We were having a good time until

Tyson and Lisa appeared on the scene. I think I saw them first. Pete had his back to the door. He was bent over the pool table preparing for a shot. I stepped on Tony’s foot to get his attention. He let out an unexpected OUCH! Therefore, I elbowed him in the ribs and gestured for him to look toward Tyson and Lisa’s location. Pete thought we were teasing each other and asked us to keep the ruckus down so that he could make his shot. Tyson and Lisa didn’t acknowledge our presence. I don’t know if they saw us or not. Tyson was practically eating Lisa’s face. They went into the back room where the pinball machines and dartboards were.

To try to avoid conflict I suggested we go somewhere else and party. I suggested a new bar that had opened a couple of streets over. I had heard it had a sound system and dance floor. Tony and Jonas were willing to go. Pete didn’t want to leave. He wanted to keep playing pool. We spent the next two hours trying to keep Pete from seeing Lisa or Tyson as they came out of the back room to buy more drinks.

There was one moment when I thought our efforts had failed. Pete went to the bathroom and a couple moments later Tyson walks into the bathroom. I was holding my breath expecting a fight. Apparently, they didn’t see each other because a few moments later Pete walks out again.

Journal Entry 55I had an awful dream. I dreamt the followers were sacrificing me to Aloysius. In the

dream I was naked, lying on an alter somewhere in the middle of the forest. The moon was full and high in the sky. A fog covered the ground. The followers of Aloysius surrounded me. They

started pouring bottles of wine all over me to purify my soul. I had to go pee so bad. I kept asking if I could take a break to go to the bathroom but no one would let me off the dang alter. I urinated all over their sacred alter. Unfortunately, that is when I woke up to a warm wet feeling. I am never going to get that smell out of my mattress.

I spent another evening at Hyatt’s Arcade with Pete and Tony. I think I need to stay away from the liquor. I am positive I drank one too many mixed drinks. I don’t even know what I was drinking. I really don’t like the stuff but after the first or second drink, it actually starts to taste decent.

I am not sure how I got back to Bear Country or when I came back. I must have returned with Pete because he is asleep on my rug, curled up like a puppy. I tried to wake Pete but every time I lean over my head starts to spin. Pete must have had more to drink than I did. Where is Tony?

Journal Entry 56As soon as we were able, Pete and I went looking for Tony. We split up into different

directions. I looked everywhere. Inside Bear Country, outside Bear Country and all the way to Hyatt’s Arcade. I had almost given up hope finding Tony. It was as if he fell off the edge of the Earth.

I was on my way home to Bear Country to get some help when I decided to cut thru the park. I accidentally stumbled across Tony sleeping under a tree. He was half-naked wearing nothing but white pajama pants. I tried to shake him a wake. I slapped his face a couple of times. He just laid there snoring with drool running down the side of his face. I found a child’s bucket. Filled the bucket with water and poured it on top of Tony’s head. He woke up… and puked the moment his head came off the ground. Tony smelled like a winery mixed with vomit. Tony has no idea where he got the white pair of pajama pants.

It is a little scary not knowing where you have been. I hope I didn’t do anything I am going to regret later. The last thing I remember is playing pool at Hyatt’s Arcade. I remember asking for another drink and then waking up in my room after that horrible dream. Tony and Pete actually remember leaving the bar after ordering a drink to go. Neither of us remembers what happened after that moment.

Journal Entry 57I had another nightmare last night. I woke up about 2:30 am and climbed into bed with

Tony. In my dream, I’m tied to a pole in the center of a large room. The room is pitch-black. I can’t see anything. I know people are there because I can hear them. Everyone is chanting. I can’t move. I’m cold. I wake up the moment I realize I am naked.

I sat in the seats of the theater with Sheriff Pete and Tony most of the afternoon. We drank coffee, and ate a box of oatmeal cookies. We tried to piece together what happened after we left Hyatt’s arcade. Actually, I think it was just me trying to figure out what happened. Pete and Tony didn’t seem to care. They were more interested in the cookies. I have a nagging feeling that something bad happened.

Sheriff Pete said I worry too much. He thinks we just had too much to drink. Tony isn’t upset about not remembering what happened to the three of us after we left

Hyatt’s arcade. Tony isn’t even upset about being found in the park, passed out, drooling and smelling like vomit. Tony is upset about losing his favorite pair of jeans and being found in a pair of white pajama pants. I feel sorry for the person found wearing his pants.

Journal Entry 58I went to the plaza with Victor and Hemy today. Victor abandoned us as soon as he

spotted a couple of friends. He went to play ball. I think the boy is having a growth spurt. He doesn’t look so little anymore. He is almost as tall as I am.

Hemy and I were out wasting time. There was nothing to do in Bear Country. Matt was out spending time with his brother Jonas. Tony and Pete were trying to fix the water issue. There was no water flowing in the bathrooms this morning. The toilets won’t flush. Sheriff Pete put signs up in all the bathrooms threatening bodily harm if anyone does number two in the toilets. I hate not being able to shower. I hope Pete and Tony can get the water flowing because I don’t want to go back to having to dig a hole outside to go poop.

I think I figured out where Tony got his white pajama pants. The followers of Aloysius were having a rally in the park today. About a dozen people were wearing the same pants Tony was wearing the other day. Lisa and Tyson were both at the rally. I think they have joined the followers of Aloysius. Lisa was handing out little gift bags of mints to the crowd. Tyson was following Lisa around carrying a large basket of gift bags.

I was going to go and say Hi to Lisa but Hemy was afraid Tyson would make a fuss. Hemy suggested we give Lisa a little space. Lisa hasn’t moved out of Bear Country which means she will probably come back home eventually. I’m not sure if hanging out with the followers of Aloysius is a good thing but Lisa was smiling.

Journal Entry 59I have been in my room most of the day. I can’t seem to shake the feeling that after

Tony, Pete and I left Hyatt’s Arcade something awful happened. I had another night of nightmares. I woke up in a sweat and drenched to the bone. I dreamt Tony was Aloysius. The dream felt so real. I was so scared that I sat on my bed and cried for nearly an hour. I wanted to go down to the basement to Tony’s room but I was afraid the dream was real. I think I was afraid Tony was really Aloysius.

I am not a good friend. Joshua stopped by to see me today. I haven’t seen him in days and days. He said the all the cattle killed by the meteors and earthquakes are finally destroyed. I feel bad; I didn’t think of my friends and help with the cleanup. Joshua’s herd has dwindled down to only about 2 dozen cattle.

Joshua invited me to a party tomorrow. He said his gang needs a little diversion. I accepted the invitation. I apologized to Joshua for being so self-absorbed with my own life that I didn’t come to his aid and lend a helping hand.

Chapter 7Journal Entry 60Tony was busy so I walked out to the Spurs Fort with Jonas, Matt and Hemy. Half way to

the Spur’s Fort, we stop to pick up Jonas’s new girlfriend Shanice. Shanice is short, cute and has an enormous chest, which is probably why Jonas is attracted to her. I doubt it’s her stimulating conversation. Shanice talked from the moment we picked her up from her apartment until we reached the Spur’s Fort.

I have never seen someone talk so much and say absolutely nothing relevant in my entire life. I don’t even think she finished a couple of sentences before changing topics. I suppose the walk wouldn’t have been so bad but Shanice had the voice of a three year old. I

tried to ignore her but she directed most of her conversation toward me. I was trying not to be rude but it was difficult.

At one point, I moved to the other side of the road next to Matt and Hemy. I even tried to start a conversation with Hemy in hopes that Shanice would be quiet for a minute. I was hoping Shanice would get the message and talk to Jonas for a while. Unfortunately, Shanice drags Jonas to my side of the road and continues talking.

The party was already in progress when we reached the Spurs Fort. Joshua met us at the front door. A band was playing and people were dancing. People were square dancing. Square dancing has never been my favorite dance but it was my only escape from Shanice. I accepted Joshua’s hand and joined him in the dance.

Journal Entry 61After the first square dance, Joshua asked me to join him in another. I was getting ready

to turn him down when Shanice started waving at me. I could not spend an entire evening listening to that girl talk. I accepted Joshua’s hand and spun around the floor again. Joshua and I danced and danced and danced. I learned the two-step, the waltz and the western swing. We danced until I couldn’t stand up anymore. My foot is still recovering from the toe infection. I need to wear better shoes next time I decide to dance a night away.

Matt and Hemy left late in the evening. They offered to walk me home. I didn’t want to spoil their romantic walk home so I declined their offer. I also didn’t want to feel like a third wheel like earlier in the evening. I have no idea when Jonas and Shanice left. They must have left when Joshua and I were still dancing. Tony never made it to the party. I guess that shouldn’t be a surprise. Often wrapped up in whatever he is doing, he forgets about the time. I hate it when he forgets about me.

Joshua and I spent the rest of the evening outside sitting under a tree. We talked about life and our plans for the future. Joshua would like to be a successful rancher. He wants to see his gang grow and become a strong influence on society.

I like talking to Joshua. Our conversations are always interesting and he is always interested in what I have to say.

As Joshua and I sat under the tree, we watched everyone slowly trickle out of the Fort and go home. The followers of Aloysius were having a meeting in the distance. We could see their fires and faintly hear the songs they were singing. It was actually very beautiful. I think I could have sat under that tree forever. Instead of walking home, I decided to stay here at the Spurs Fort. Joshua promises a real nice breakfast in the morning.

Journal Entry 62I slept really well, no nightmares. In fact, I don’t think I dreamt at all last night. I curled

up on the cot and the next thing I knew I was awake and feeling great. Some people are early risers. Joshua is always one of the first people awake at the Spurs Fort. I think it is part of his job to be one of the first people to start their day. I was awake before Joshua today. I am somewhat proud of this fact.

I was outside sitting in a rocking chair, talking to a couple of guards when Joshua steps out on to the porch wearing nothing but his jeans and an untucked shirt. He wore no boots, no hat and no guns. I don’t think I have ever seen him look so ordinary and human. He always looked bigger than life to me. It felt great to say “Good morning, Sunshine.” Joshua nearly fell off the porch. He wasn’t expecting me to be awake until later in the day. Joshua said “Good

morning”, tried to tip his nonexistent hat and then excused himself back inside. He came back out to the porch a few minutes later dressed in his hat, boots and gun. I rather liked him the other way.

Breakfast was great. We had eggs, grits, toast and bad coffee! Journal Entry 63I am trying not to overstay my welcome. I need to go home to Bear Country but I am not

in the mood. Today has been a good day. It has been a peaceful and restful day. The weather has been wonderful. There was actually a cool breeze blowing most of the day. I think autumn is finally on its way.

I think I have developed a fondness for this porch and this rocking chair. I have done practically nothing all day but sit in this chair. For a little while, I wondered around and watched Joshua do his chores. Joshua spent most of the morning trying to break a horse that didn’t like to wear a saddle. The horse didn’t appreciate anyone sitting in that saddle either. After lunch, Joshua and I sat on the porch and played cards. I beat him three out of four games of war. I asked Joshua if he minded if I stayed around until after dinner. He said I could stay as long as I wanted. He enjoyed my company. I hope I am not making a nuisance of myself.

Journal Entry 64Joshua and I took the long way back to Bear Country. I was in no hurry to get home.

Joshua and I played a game of kicked the can down Preston street. Joshua is good but I can hold my own. There was only a couple of times when I had to go and retrieve the can because it got by me. I don’t think I have laughed this much in a long time.

The followers of Aloysius were parading around town. Their parade looked much like the Mardi Gras parades I have seen in the history books in the media center. The followers of Aloysius looked like they were having a tremendous amount of fun so Joshua and I joined their ranks for a couple of blocks. The parade passed Hyatt’s arcade. Joshua and I dropped out of the parade and went inside for a couple of drinks and a round of pool. Hyatt’s guards almost didn’t let us in. The followers of Aloysius like to preach and scare away Hyatt’s customers. They are not good for business. Joshua and I had to swear we were not followers of Aloysius and we had to promise not to begin preaching while in the Arcade.

By the time we reached Bear Country, it was very late. I offered to make a bed for Joshua to sleep in but he insisted he needed to go home. After a kiss on the cheek, we said goodnight.

Journal Entry 65Tony is out. I couldn’t find him anywhere today. I have been all over this campus. I was

hoping to spend a little quality time with him. He is probably mad because I spent two days out at the Spur’s Fort. In my defense, Tony could have come out there. I invited him.

I ran into Victor while on my way to the media center. I wanted to see if Mary, Gretchen or Cecelia knew about any books on dreams. I am still having nightmares. I can’t seem to shake them. Victor said Tony went to see some friends but that he didn’t know when Tony was coming back. I asked what friends but Victor said he didn’t know. I tried to drag it out of the little runt but he played dumb. I grabbed Victor by the front of his shirt and demanded to know where Tony was. Victor wasn’t intimidated. He can almost look me straight in the eyes. If anyone knew where Tony was it would be Victor. For some reason, Victor wasn’t about to give up any information.

Marty said there weren’t any books on dreams in the library. Gretchen and Cecelia were out for the day. Marty said he was going to go to the city library tomorrow for research. He said he would look for books on dreams for me. He is so sweet.

Journal Entry 66When I was little before the virus my parents used to sneak kisses with each other when

they thought I wasn’t looking. I used to think it was gross. My parent’s affectionate behavior towards each other did have its advantages. They didn’t allow me to play on the computer or play video games during the week because of homework. EXCEPT on those days when my parents were in the mood for romance. My parents would excuse themselves to their room and stay for hours. I would get no dinner that night, at least not a dinner with a meat, two vegetables and a roll. I didn’t mind. I preferred snacks anyway. When my parents decided to make re-entrance into the living room they would always apologized for their absence and come up with some sad excuse why they needed to talk in the bedroom. As if I thought, they were in there talking. I was a good daughter and pretended I hadn’t noticed. They didn’t scold me for breaking house rules about the computer and video games.

Couples are everywhere. It must be a full moon or something. I hate days like today. I always feel as if I am intruding. Couples are around every corner. I must have missed the memo that said today was make out day. These days always happen when I have no one.

On my way to the bathroom, I ran into a couple actually making out in the bathroom. Surely, they could have found a better place. Maybe the sudden rush of emotion couldn’t wait.

Jonas and Shanice were making out in the admin hallway. A few more feet and they would have been inside Jonas’s room. Why couldn’t they take a few more steps and close the door? Matt and Hemy were making out on one of the tables in the kitchen. I voiced my opinion on their choice of make out spots. Matt and Hemy both apologized and then went back to what they were doing. My whole purpose of going to the kitchen was to get something to eat. I left the kitchen without checking what was available in the food stores. I wonder if Matt and Hemy are finished. My tummy is rumbling in protest.

Journal Entry 67My nightmares continue. I tried to avoid them but nothing seems to help. I even read

the tales of Winnie the Pooh until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer. The last thing I remember hearing was Matt and Hemy chasing each other down the hall to their room. I glanced at the clock and it was nearly one. I don’t know exactly when I drifted off to sleep it was probably sometime after that.

I didn’t realize I was dreaming everything seemed incredibly real. Tony came into my room and woke me up. He was sweet and he was happy. He said he had missed me. It was a wonderful.

Tony prefers to wear black. He is always dressed in a black kimono, or Black shirt, and Black pants. I have rarely seen him in anything else. My first question to Tony after he woke me was “Why are you wearing those white pajama pants?” He simply smiled and said, “I’m just trying something new.” I didn’t want to say but I don’t think he looks good in white.

Journal Entry 68The morning was going fine. Everything seemed normal until Sheriff Pete called for a

gang meeting. Everyone gathered in the theater. Tony and I were one of the first people to arrive. We took seats in the third row. Everyone residing in Bear Country attended. How weird. I

never actually got everyone to attend my meetings. There were always at least a couple people missing. I didn’t see anyone missing.

Everyone was wearing white or something as close to white as he or she could get. I felt out of place and a little confused with the sudden change in wardrobe everyone seemed to have acquired but me. I tried to ask Tony what was up but he shushed me. He said he would answer my questions later. Right then Tony wanted to hear what Sheriff Pete had to say.

I almost jumped up out of my seat and yelled at Tony for shushing me. I caught a quick glance of the rest of the people in the room. I felt as if everyone was staring at me. I sunk back into my seat. I’d wait until later to let Tony know what I was thinking about his shush. In the mean time, I gave Tony the stare of death.

Pete was up on the stage with a couple of his deputies flanking him. They were carrying spears. When did they start carrying spears?

Journal Entry 69I felt as if Sheriff Pete was talking in code. He reminded us to attend the ceremony at the

designated place, at the designated time and not to be late. What place? What ceremony? What time? Everything Pete said was cryptic. At least it felt cryptic to me.

Everyone else seemed to understand perfectly. Tony kept nodding in agreement with Pete. The meeting ended with a toast. We all gathered at the front of the theatre. Everyone passed around a bottle of wine. Tony filled my glass for me. Sheriff Pete raised his glass and said something about new beginnings and better times. Glasses clanked together. Everyone drank but me. I didn’t feel like it. Something felt wrong. I stood there and held my glass. Everyone started to stare at me. Tony asked if I was going to drink or if I was going to jinks the moment. I smiled and drank.

I don’t know what was in that drink. I woke up in my room. Someone changed my clothes. I was dressed in white. I jumped out of bed to search for Tony and give him a piece of my mind. I didn’t get far. There were guards at my door. I tried to be cool and walk past them but they stepped into my path.

Chapter 8Journal Entry 70I paced back and forth inside my room for what seemed like hours. A group of children

played outside my window. Lisa was in charge of the little group. She was teaching the children games, songs and reading them stories. I opened my window and tried to get Lisa’s attention. Lisa ignored me and instructed the children not to look my way.

One of the guards steps into my room and closes the window. He said it would be best if I left the window closed. A few minutes later, he returns with a hammer and a nail.

Tony finally brought me some lunch. He walked past the guards as happy as a lark. Tony had a huge smile on his face. He placed the lunch tray on my desk and then tried to kiss me on the cheek. I was pissed and angry. They held me prisoner in my room for hours. I wanted to know what was going on. Tony acted as if nothing was wrong. He started to talk to me as if I was a child. The way he was talking to me just made me angrier.

I thru a right fist to Tony’s chin but my aim was bad. I missed. Tony grabbed me from behind and wrapped his arms around me. He said everything would be fine. I just needed a little time. I would be myself again. I struggled against his hold and stomped his foot.

Unfortunately, my feet were bare. I hurt myself. One of the guards walks into the room and places a rag across my mouth. The room suddenly turned black.

Journal Entry 71When I woke, I was lying on my bed and Tony was sitting in the chair next to me. He

reached out to kiss my hand. I quickly withdrew my hand from his grasp. If Tony thought, the little nap was going to change my disposition he was mistaken. I said a few dirty words.

Ok maybe it was an entire paragraph worth of dirty words. Tony didn’t flinch. He sat there with a smile on his face and waited for me to finish. The whole purpose of saying language like that is to offend and get a rise out of people. I didn’t get a rise out of Tony. I thought of beginning again but quickly changed my mind. What would be the point?

Tony asked if I wanted to go for a walk. I secretly wanted freedom. We would get out in the open and I would make a break for it.

My tummy rumbled. The rumble was so loud the guards out in the hall probably heard it. I was so horribly hungry. I glanced to the tray brought in earlier. I don’t know how long the tray had been out but I was starving. Tony acknowledged my hunger. He heard the rumble. Tony had the guards come in, take the old tray, and bring a new one. Fruit and pastries filled the new tray. I have had fresh fruit but I hadn’t seen pastries like that in years. I ate until I couldn’t eat any more. The whole time Tony just sat and watched.

Journal Entry 72Tony and I walked out the front door of Bear Country. It was already dark. The night air

was a little cool. I was wishing I had worn a sweeter or jacket. I could see people standing around fire barrels in the distance. I wasn’t the only person feeling cold. I stopped at the top of the stairs. Tony encouraged me to proceed. He said we only had a short time to get where we were going. The guards that were behind me tapped me with their spears. So I moved forward. I asked Tony if the guards were necessary. He just smiled and said the guards were for my safety. He didn’t want anything to happen to me.

Tony, the 2 guards and me practically sprinted up Lafayette Blvd. Tony was walking at an extremely quick pace. He was a man on a mission and he was in a hurry to get there. I abruptly stopped in the middle of the road. The two guards behind me were practically following my footsteps. They nearly fell over trying to avoid running into me. What’s the rush I asked? Tony grabbed my hand and dragged me along. He said he had something wonderful to show me.

Journal Entry 73We turned the corner. Cages lined the street. There were four guards dressed as

warriors around each cage. They pulled the cages in a procession towards the warehouse. The people in the cages were packed together like sardines. They all looked scared. No, they looked terrified. The stench was awful. The smell was so bad I was feeling the urge to puke.

As soon as the caged people saw me, they started yelling my name and begging for help. They were so loud my head started to spin. One young mother squished against the bars with her baby in her arms begged me to save her baby. I don’t think I could have saved the baby. She already looked grey. Her little lips were blue. The baby wasn’t the only casualty. There were several dead squished against the bars, all of their faces in various expressions of death.

I looked at Tony in horror. He didn’t seem fazed by what we were seeing. Tony smiled at me. He kissed my head and said everything was going to be fine. Tony dragged me into the warehouse. Everything was white. Bleachers lined the room. People dressed all in white sat on

the bleachers with blank stares on their faces. In the center of the room were four tables. Marty instructed the guards to pull four kicking and screaming people out of the cages. A couple of dead were thrown into a trash dumpster in the corner.

The guards placed the four prisoners face down on the tables. They fought and fought but the guards held them down. One at a time, Marty placed a medical gun to the back of their heads. There was a pop and then silence. The prisoner stopped struggling. Marty placed a small device the size of a button on the back of their heads.

Journal Entry 74My nightmare didn’t end there. I tried to run out of the warehouse but Tony wouldn’t

let me leave. He said I had to watch. I needed to see the goodness of what was happening. Tony had the two guards that had accompanied us from Bear Country hold me in place where I was standing. I didn’t want to watch. I wanted to run away. I wanted to run away from the madness and insanity of this place. My best friend was someone I didn’t know anymore.

The prisoners were pulled off the tables, stripped naked, washed and then dressed in new white clothes. Gretchen, Cecelia and a couple of other people I didn’t know assisted the now docile prisoners to their seats on the bleachers. The guards forced another group of prisoners onto the tables and then another group and then another group. This went on for what seemed like hours until the last prisoner was processed.

I was so exhausted. I wanted the night to end. I was so tired of hearing people beg and plead for their lives. I was tired of seeing the already dead tossed aside as if they were garbage. I couldn’t stand up any more. I was dizzy and lightheaded. I slumped to the warehouse floor. I don’t remember what happened next. I woke up in my room back home in Bear Country.

Journal Entry 75There was a lot of commotion coming from the hallway. It sounded like a party or a

convention of some sort. I jumped out of bed. Again, my clothes were different! I was wearing a white cotton nightgown. Another inconvenience I had to deal with. I tiptoed over to my footlocker to make a quick clothing change. I lifted the lid. It was empty. Every piece of clothing I owned was gone. I dropped the lid out of frustration. It made more noise than I had intended. I stood motionless for a few seconds and waited to see if a guard entered my room. I quietly walked over to the door and peaked thru the window out into the hallway. I watched several groups of people walk by my door. Everyone that passed by my room seemed happy and cheerful.

For a moment, I thought my two guard friends had finally abandoned me. Freedom was only one flight of stairs and an entrance lobby away. If I acted normal, I might be able to blend in and make it to the front doors. I was mistaken. I slowly opened my door to step into the hallway. Holding two pointy staffs the guards stopped my exit. I thought of making a run for it but honestly, I didn’t think I would make it very far. I closed the door.

A few moments later Tony enters my room. He is dressed in royal white robes. His cheerfulness nearly made me puke. I tried to act as if I was glad to see him. I let him kiss me on the cheek. I even leaned in for the kiss. A girl accompanied Tony into my room. She was holding a white gown and a robe across her arms very similar to the ones Tony was wearing. The girl looked familiar. I kept staring and staring. Tony asked me if there was something wrong. I said “No”. It took me a few moments to realize she was the girl from the warehouse. The one squished against the bars in the cage with the dead baby in her arms.

Journal Entry 76The girl handed me the robes. I don’t think she had a name. She smiled at me and

thanked me for bringing the change. I was confused. I didn’t bring about anything. I was a prisoner. I tried to ask what she meant by that but Tony interrupted. He kissed the girl on the forehead and gave her a gentle push out of my room. Tony insisted I change my clothes. It was time for the gathering.

People filled the front entrance of Bear Country. Everyone looked happy and content. There were smiling faces everywhere.

As Tony and I descended the stairs, everyone began to clap and call my name. The room filled with shouts of “Madie…Madie…Madie”. I had a sudden rush of adrenaline. I don’t know why but I suddenly felt important and a sense of knowing why I was there.

Tony and I walked through the crowd to the front of the room. Pete was standing on a platform behind a podium. Pete looked so very handsome in his white robes. Everyone in the room looked handsome. Tony and I stepped up on the platform. Pete smiled and handed me my pink fluffy journal. Then Pete asked the crowd to be quiet.

The room was so quiet you could have heard a cricket chirp. Tony gave me a little push until I was standing behind the podium. He asked me to read the speech I had written. I opened my journal to the bookmarked page.

Welcome to Bear Country, we have gathered here in this place to celebrate a New Beginning. No more will we fight amongst each other. No more will the smallest of us suffer from hunger. No more will the outcast struggle to survive alone in a cold and evil world. Do not be afraid of what tomorrow will bring. Today we start anew.

We have all given a small part of ourselves to be here today. Our journey to this moment has been harsh and sometimes unbearable but I say to you. Your sacrifice has not been in vain. Each one of us must continue to give of ourselves if we are to continue on this journey of enlightenment.

Journal Entry 77As I continued with my speech, the crowd parted to reveal a marble altar. Casey was

standing next to the altar holding Aleece in her arms. Aleece was so big. I jumped down from the platform and grabbed Aleece from Casey. Aleece was beautiful. Her hair was long enough to put in little pretty bows. Casey had Aleece dressed in an enormously long white gown. Aleece had grown so much since I had seen her last. I hugged her with all my might. I had missed her so much. I twirled around the room and kissed Aleece all over.

Tony stopped me in mid twirl. He gently took Aleece from me and said it was time for the blessing. Tony laid Aleece on the altar. Pete said a few words over Aleece and sprinkled her with perfume. Then Casey stepped up to Aleece, pulled a dagger from her robe and prepared to strike. I yelled, “Stop”.

Tony whispered in my ear that the blessing must continue. I pushed Casey aside and grabbed Aleece off the altar. I was crying. “NO! You will not kill her.” Tony in all of his wisdom said that if Aleece wasn’t worthy of the blessing I could choose another. Unexpectedly, everyone with toddlers and babies stepped forward and offered their children to me. I looked at the crowd. They were all crazy. The crowd started chanting in a low rumble “Choose...Choose...Choose…” I held Aleece as tightly as I could. I could not choose. I would not choose. I was thinking to myself that there had to be another way. Pete whispered in my ear

that I could save the babies. I could save them all. All I had to do was offer myself to the crowd. The chanting changed into a constant low hum.

Journal Entry 78“Offer myself?” I did not want to die! The hum in the room got louder and louder.

People started saying my name, “Madie…Madie…Madie”. Everyone formed a circle around me. The circle got smaller and smaller. I felt swallowed by the crowd. I couldn’t breathe. I feel someone steal Aleece from my arms. Tony holds Aleece up in the air by the back of her gown. Aleece is crying. Screaming with her little arms outstretched. Casey is chanting with the others. Why isn’t she saving her baby? Tony has the dagger in his other hand preparing to strike Aleece with the blade. Pete is whispering in my ear. “Save Aleece, offer yourself.”

I screamed for everyone to stop. The room goes silent. Tony still had Aleece up in the air preparing to strike her with the dagger. I looked at Tony. I pleaded and begged Tony to put Aleece down. Tony handed Aleece back to Casey and then he handed the dagger to me. The dagger was really quite beautiful. The crowd parted to reveal the altar. I walked over to it and sat on the edge. Pete said a prayer or something. I really wasn’t listening. Then he sprinkled me with the same perfume he had put on Aleece. I swung my legs around and lay down. I held the dagger with both hands and raised it high up into the air. I closed my eyes and counted to three.

Journal Entry 79I plunged the dagger deep into my own chest. I felt a sharp pain and then gasp for a

breath…..When I open my eyes Lost (the four-legged creature that resides out at the Spurs Fort with Joshua.) was standing in the middle of my chest. One of her front toenails left a scratch on my breastbone. Joshua was standing in my doorway. He apologizes for Lost jumping on me. He said he didn’t realize I would still be asleep.

Joshua probably thought I had gone insane. I threw Lost off me. I jumped out of bed. I looked down. There was no dagger in my chest. No dagger wound either, just a toenail scratch. I was wearing my own clothes. The white robes were gone. I ran around my room like a crazy woman. I asked Joshua how he managed to get past the guards. I peeked out my door into the hallway. Where were the guards? A hundred things were going through my mind at once. I grabbed Joshua by the arm. I told him we had to escape. Where were my shoes? I had a sudden thought. If I wasn’t dead then Aleece was. I started to cry. Joshua grabbed me and hugged me. He assured me everything was fine. I told Joshua everything wasn’t fine. They’re crazy. They locked me in. They killed Aleece. Joshua held me tighter and tried to calm me down. He wanted to know who they were. I said it was Pete, Tony and the others. That’s when Tony walked into my room.

Chapter 9Journal Entry 80I swear I honestly had no idea the last few days were only a dream. I am not sure what

Joshua was thinking as he held me trying to comfort me but he was making an honest effort to figure out what was wrong. I must have seemed off my rocker. I probably would have assumed drugs (aka Bliss), alcohol or a mental break if it were anyone else. In Joshua’s eyes, I doubt I was making any sense at all. It had only been about 12 hours since we played kicked the can down Preston Street.

Tony’s point of view was a little different. He hadn’t seen me in a couple of days. He missed the entire running around the room fiasco. The only thing Tony saw was Joshua’s holding me in his arms. Tony and I have a history. We have a complicated history. I am not certain I know exactly what type of relationship Tony and I have with each other. Sometimes I feel as if our relationship is only one of convenience. I share his bed. He shares mine and the rest of the time, we lead our own lives with no strings attached.

Tony knows Joshua and I are good friends. I have many good friends. With that said, I don’t think Tony appreciated Joshua holding me in his arms. I also don’t think Joshua appreciated Tony throwing a punch, which barely missed my head but struck Joshua’s cheek. A mere split second later, Joshua pushed me aside and pointed his gun at Tony. Tony’s hands fly up into the air. This is where time stands still for a moment. I looked at Joshua and said, “We have to go. Tony’s guards will be here in a moment.” or something like that. Tony and Joshua both looked at me and then at each other and simultaneously said “WHAT?”

I gave them both a quick rundown of what had happened over the last few days. I was trying to refresh Tony’s memory. He put me thru a great deal of torment. I gave as many details as I could remember including with the white clothes, the sacrifice of Aleece and Tony holding me hostage. They both listened intently as I gave a rundown of the entire story in a minute.

Joshua put his gun away and apologized to Tony. Tony apologized to Joshua for throwing the punch. Tony looked at Joshua and said he had been gone for two days. Joshua looked at Tony and said he had seen me last night and everything was fine. They both looked at me and shook their heads. It was only a dream and now two of my friends think I am insane. They both left me standing there in the middle of my room in a state of confusion.

Journal Entry 81Lisa has returned to Bear Country. She came back to recruit followers for Aloysius. It was

a bit unnerving to see her dressed all in white. I was walking out of the cafeteria with a plate of salad. I was so startled to see her dressed all in white that I dropped the plate. It shattered all over the floor. Lisa has always been a calm natured person but today she was unusually calm, not unlike the people in my dream. I can’t shake the feeling that Aloysius is bad.

I know that Aloysius is probably the leader of a cult. Ok, he is the leader of a cult but cults come and go all the time. There really isn’t any harm in them not really. Most cults are just fads that last a little while. The followers of Aloysius don’t seem to be bad people. They parade around a lot and like to party and they can be a bit over zealous in the recruiting department but I have not seen anything that would indicate they are evil.

Most of the followers of Aloysius are on the streets to help people. Of course, a few groups yell to the top of the buildings that if you don’t follow Aloysius you are doomed. These are the extremist and I have only seen a few. Maybe my brain is broken. If my mom were a live, she would have taken me to see a good psychiatrist by now.

Victor has been tormenting me all day long by walking around like a zombie. He has been a major pest and if he comes around me one more time today, I am going to kick him in his little butt. Victor overheard me talking to Tony about my dream or rather my nightmare.

I was trying to apologize to Tony and explain the things that happened in my dream. I wanted Tony to understand why I believed what I believed when I woke up. I feel like an idiot but that dream felt so real. I feel awful and a little embarrassed that I actually thought that Tony, Pete or anyone in Bear Country could have been a part of that awful group in my dream.

Journal Entry 82I think Lisa stayed a little too long recruiting for Aloysius in Bear Country today. She

pissed off many people. I think people would have probably been able to ignore the recruitment speech if Lisa wasn’t focusing on the littlest ones in Bear Country. I ignored Lisa most of the day but apparently, a few other people couldn’t. I think Lisa pushed a little too far when she tried to walk out of Bear Country with four of the smallest children.

Pete said it was very much like a scene from the Pied Piper. The children happily following her. I was in my room when I heard a loud ruckus coming from the front entrance. Several of the senior gang members were yelling a Lisa for trying to take their children. Lisa was as calm as could be. She claims they were only going outside to play games.

Maybe she was and maybe she wasn’t. I don’t know but I would have been a bit peeved if she had wanted to take my child outside without asking, if I had a child. Lisa calmly apologized to everyone. She said she meant no harm. Lisa left a few moments later but not before saying, she would be back tomorrow.

Pete held a meeting. Not by choice but because several people insisted Lisa be banned from returning to Bear Country. Pete said he wouldn’t ban Lisa from coming into her home. I suggested we take a vote, majority rules. I didn’t want to see Lisa banned from Bear Country but I didn’t think it was just Pete’s decision to make even though he was our gang leader. We voted and Lisa could stay. We would not allow her to be alone with the children and recruiting for Aloysius must occur outside the doors of Bear Country.

Journal Entry 83Victor is still being a pain in the butt. I don’t know why that boy insists on tormenting

me. Victor spent all morning playing outside my door. There are other people he can be a pest to so why does he insist on making my life miserable. I think Victor is trying to push me over the edge.

I listened to Victor quote lines from Aloysius and marched back and forth outside my door for nearly an hour. I politely asked him to stop and then closed my door. He just got louder and louder. I stormed out of my room and then I chased him all around the school before cornering him in the cafeteria. There was a knife right there within my reach, all I had to do was reach over and grab it.

Believe me when I say I had evil thoughts about tearing him to shreds with that knife. Lucky for Victor I am a not a crazy woman. Tony intercepted me beating up the little runt. I actually didn’t get the chance to lay a hand on Victor but I wanted to. I left the cafeteria as Victor was telling Tony I had no sense of humor.

I spent the afternoon with Hemy searching for a place Hemy heard had bolts of fabric for sale. I think we traveled a good ten miles. We never found the store. We did discover a building converted into a hall for the followers of Aloysius. I wanted to go in and check things out but Hemy didn’t like to idea. Hey, they were giving out free food. Hemy said she would rather be hungry than to mingle with the crazy.

Journal Entry 84I woke up early, showered and then went down to breakfast. I ran into Tony and Victor

in the kitchen this morning. Victor was moving slowly. I watched him struggle to get in and out of his chair. It was really quite sad watching the little runt struggle like that. Not really, I have no sympathy for his pain. I really wasn’t feeling sorry for him at all.

For a few moments, I thought maybe Tony had worked him over yesterday. Victor didn’t even look me in the eyes, although, he did say, “Hi Madie”. It was an attitude improvement. I looked at Tony and then looked at Victor. Tony smiled and said he and Victor worked out in the gym for a couple of hours yesterday. This would explain why Victor couldn’t move today. He must have overworked a few of his muscles. Tony was trying to show Victor a new way of using his bottled up energy that didn’t include making a pest of himself. Victor won’t be making a pest of himself for a couple of days. He can’t even move most of his body parts. I’m quietly laughing inside.

Journal Entry 85This morning was an utter waste of my time. It was frustrating and I was peeved by the

time I made it back home. I walked out to the Spurs Fort to see Joshua. I wanted to apologize for my behavior the other day after waking up from that awful nightmare. I have a sneaky feeling Joshua’s boys sent me on a wild goose chase. Joshua wasn’t at the main house so I asked a couple of his guards if they could point me in Joshua’s direction. One of the guards said Joshua was out with the herd trying to catch a wounded cow. I walked out to the herd. It was a good twenty-minute walk. I twisted my ankle and stepped in a cow patty. I also barely avoided an angry rattlesnake.

There were six people riding horses around the herd but no Joshua. Apparently, I had just missed him. Trevor said Joshua rode back to the main house via one of the nearby farms. He went to pick up a bag of corn or something. I asked if I could get a ride back to the main house. I think chivalry is dead. There were no volunteers.

I wasn’t happy but I walked the twenty minutes back to the main house. When I arrived at the main house “the second time”, Cage said Joshua had run into town on an errand. No one seemed to know when he would be back.

Out of curiosity, I asked if anyone had told Joshua I had been by. Everyone looked at me with blank expressions on their faces. I took that as a no. Alternatively, they did tell him and he didn’t care and was trying to avoid me. I am thinking it was probably the later. I asked one of the guards to please tell Joshua I had been by I really wanted to talk to him.

Journal Entry 86It was so cold this morning. An unexpected cold front snuck in overnight. Yesterday was

a long sleeve shirt day but the weather was nice. I woke up in the middle of the night freezing my butt off. I had to jump out of bed, grab another blanket and put on another layer of clothes just to keep from turning into a Popsicle. I stayed in bed as long as I could this morning. I was dreading stepping out into the cold air a second time. I was finally forced to get up because my bladder was about to explode and because I was starving. It was a good thing I got out of bed when I did. Disaster was only moments away.

Sometimes people don’t use their brains. I’m thinking common sense probably comes with age. By the time, I made it down stairs a group of kids was in the process of building a rather large fire in a wheel barrel in the front lobby. I guess they were cold. However, someone should have told them that building a fire inside Bear Country was a bad idea. The hall was quickly filling with smoke. I’m sure the kids thought I was insane. Why change a trend? I started yelling at the kids for trying to burn down our/my home. I grabbed a bucket out of the kitchen, filled it with water and poured it on the fire. I made a huge mess and the kids were not happy

but I wasn’t about to let Bear Country burn to the ground. I lost my first home because a bunch of kids tried to build a fire indoors. The entire gated community I lived in burned to the ground.

I asked Pete if he wouldn’t mind holding a meeting to let everyone know that we have heaters for when the weather gets bad but our fuel is limited. If the kids need to build fires, they can go outdoors.

Journal Entry 87It’s been two days of unbearably cold weather. I think I actually saw snow flurries

earlier. There has been little movement in Bear Country over the last couple of days. Everyone is staying huddled in their rooms beneath their blankets. I briefly ran down stairs to get something to eat out of the food stores. The cupboards are nearly bare. I grabbed an apple and a cup of hot water. I was so cold anything warm felt good inside my stomach.

We ran out of tea, coffee and hot chocolate ages ago. You don’t find these things in the market any more. I started towards my room to the comfort and safety of my blankets when Tony walks thru the backdoor of the kitchen. He had an actual box of hot chocolate. The first words out of my mouth were “Oh my God is that hot chocolate?” At first, Tony denied he had anything. I tackled him and grabbed the box. Tony made me swear not to tell anyone he had it. I was so cold I would have sworn to anything for a cup of that hot chocolate.

Our secret didn’t remain a secret very long. Runt, I mean Victor stumbled into the kitchen looking bad. He was sneezing and barking like a dog. My first reaction was to back away. Getting sick can be a death sentence and I didn’t want to catch whatever Victor had. Tony felt sorry for Victor and made him some hot chocolate. The three of us were heading down to the basement to tuck Victor into bed when we ran into Gretchen and Cecelia. The smell of the hot chocolate was in the air. They forced us to share.

Journal Entry 88The drastic change in weather has caught everyone by surprise. It is so horribly cold. We

weren’t expecting this kind of weather for at least another month. Marty thinks the meteor showers and the earthquakes probably caused the sudden onset of winter. All the excess debris in the atmosphere has messed up the weather patterns.

We woke up yesterday morning to nearly a foot of snow on the ground. All ten of my toes have turned into icicles and I have on three pairs of socks. Tony, Pete, Jonas and Matt set up the portable heaters in the main lobby. It’s too cold to sleep in individual classrooms. I guess we will be camping out in the lobby until the weather decides to warm up. Last night it was Matt, Hemy, Jonas and me all snuggled up to each other trying not to freeze. (A small note Jonas is a blanket hog.) There were other similar groups around the room. I have a feeling this is just the beginning of a long horrible cold winter.

Please, please, please don’t let the weather stay this cold for too long. I hate having to sleep with everyone. I like my privacy but my room is currently doubling as a walk in freezer. Not really but it could be if needed.

Victor is still sicker than a dog. He is running a high fever and is breathing like a locomotive. The boy has been unconscious since yesterday. He looks bad and sounds even worse. Tony has been guarding Victor like a mother hen. He hasn’t left Victor’s side in two days. There are people in Bear Country who believe we should abandon Victor outside to die so that no one else gets ill. You should have heard the protest when Tony and I moved Victor from the basement up to the main lobby. I thought a war was going to break out and divide Bear Country

down the middle. Pete was very quick at calming the situation. He is very good at bringing out the guilt in people.

I understand the concerns of the people who would like to see Victor removed from Bear Country. It’s self-preservation. No one wants to die. I understand their concerns (I partly agree) but we can’t let Victor (no matter what kind of pain in the butt he has been in the past) freeze to death and die of pneumonia. He may die anyway. We have no medicine. If he is going to recover, he is going to recover on his own. Victor is currently resting in a corner of the lobby away from everyone else with Tony by his side.

Journal Entry 89I haven’t picked up this journal in two days. My hands are freezing. My whole body is

freezing. The portable heaters work fine if you are standing within a dozen feet of the units but if you are farther away, the room is like an icebox.

The snow continues to fall. The healthy and the sick have divided Bear Country. The sick are resting on one side of the room and the apparent healthy on the other. I have a stuffy head and sore throat. I have taken my place amongst the lepers. Victor is still surviving but barely. He remains unconscious. Marty is playing doctor. With the help of Tony, Matt and Jonas, Marty has set up a makeshift hospital on one side of the room.

Marty has been reading medical books for the last couple of days. I’ve watched him flip thru page after page in a dozen or so books. It’s a little scary but Marty says he knows what he is doing. Tony and Marty stuck a tube down Victor’s throat and poured in water, smashed apples and powdered milk. I couldn’t watch. The thought of having something stuck down my throat makes me gag. Victor is so out of it he didn’t even flinch.

Kate who I have not seen in ages dropped by Bear Country today but Pete wouldn’t let her in. He has quarantined all of Bear Country. Kate came for help. Several people at the Spurs Fort are ill including Joshua. I wanted to run out there and help the second I heard he was sick but my loyalties are here at Bear Country. I don’t think I would have made the journey anyway. My head is so stuffy I can hardly breathe. Walking ten paces exhaust me. Kate asked Marty for medical advice. Several members of the Spurs are gravely ill. She looked sad that we couldn’t help more. I asked Kate to tell Joshua I would be thinking of him. I am feeling guilty.

Chapter 10Journal Entry 90The snow is still falling. I think it is colder than the North Pole outside. Our fuel reserves

are dwindling fast. Matt and Jonas went down to the basement to retrieve more fuel for the portable heaters and discovered we had none. At first, Tony thought they had looked in the wrong place in the basement. He took Matt and Jonas back down into the basement to show them the location of the hidden fuel. You should have heard the ruckus when they came back to the lobby.

Tony went ballistic when he discovered the fuel was indeed missing. Tony had just counted the number of gallons we had left the day before. If we were careful, we would have had enough to last us at least another week. This would give us a little time to find and obtain some more.

Sometime during the night Bear Country was broken into and our remaining fuel taken. Matt, Jonas and a couple of other people went looking for more fuel. I don’t know what we are going to do if we can’t find more. I hate to say this but I am relieved that I am not one of the

people having to go out into the cold to find more fuel. I would have gone if asked but I’m glad Pete didn’t choose me.

Pete has placed guards all over Bear Country. It will be my turn in a couple of hours. I get to guard the back entrance near the kitchen. Nearly everyone is sick to some degree. There is no way to get out of this detail. Not that I would want to but when you are not feeling your best and just want to sleep the idea of having to pull guard duty really sucks.

Marty is starting to look ill. He almost tumbled over. He had that look in his eyes you get right before the room turns black and you pass out. I think Marty is over worked he had been taking care of everyone else instead of himself. Marty is worried about Gretchen. Gretchen is also feeling ill. She had been having contractions all morning long.

We have Gretchen lying down and drinking fluids. I think Gretchen is running a fever. She feels very warm to the touch. Cecelia has been hovering over Gretchen like a mother hen all day. I have been trying to get Cecelia to rest and not exhaust herself.

Journal Entry 91Marty has fallen seriously ill. I was guarding the backdoors to the kitchen when Marty

entered to get something to eat. He looked a little wobbly but refused my help. Marty fell to the floor the moment he opened the pantry doors. I guess it’s time to doctor the doctor.

Gretchen and Cecelia are both very distraught over Marty being ill. I don’t think the stress is doing either of them any good. Gretchen continues to have contractions and Cecelia doesn’t look any better. I think Cecelia is also having labor pains but she won’t admit it. I caught Cecelia doubled over more than once today. Every time I offered my assistance, she shooed me away and said she was fine. I don’t think she is fine. Gretchen remains in bed. She keeps trying to get up and help Marty even though I assured her Hemy and I will see to Marty needs.

Hemy must have an extremely good immune system. She doesn’t seem ill at all. You should see her running around here like superwoman. I asked her to slow down but she insists that she is fine.

I almost had a heart attack earlier. I was checking on Marty when Victor steps up behind me and taps me on the shoulder. I look over my shoulder and shriek. Victor is startled and falls back onto his butt. I think I lost ten years off my life during that moment.

The almost dead should never sneak up on a person. I don’t know when Victor became conscious but he has been walking around like a lost puppy. Victor’s only complaint is that his throat is sore. I decided not to tell Victor that Marty and Tony kept sticking a tube down his throat to give him nourishment.

Journal Entry 92Matt and Jonas were unable to find more fuel to keep our portable heaters running but

they did find a portable gas stove and two of those large tanks of propane at the home depot. Jonas said they found them by accident as they were rummaging through the rubble. It was a great find. Tony and Pete both said the gas stove would only give the room heat for a day possibly. A better use would be to use the gas stove for cooking.

Tony had another idea. He wants to poke a hole in the lobby roof like a chimney and build a fire in the lobby. I protested loudly about the building of a fire inside Bear Country. My previous experience with inside fires said building a fire inside Bear Country was a very bad idea. After I had calmed down from my tirade, Tony explained a little further, mostly for my benefit. We have metal sheets in the basement and several empty barrels. Tony said we could

line the floor with the metal sheets and put the barrels on top. We could burn old desks and would scraps. The room would stay warm as long as we kept a fire going. The smoke would go out thru the ceiling. I’m not feeling good about this. It would be a tragedy if we burned down our home.

Tony, Pete, Jonas and Matt are outside trying to figure out how to get up onto the roof without falling and killing themselves in the process. I am keeping my fingers crossed that no one falls and breaks a leg.

Journal Entry 93Well they did it there is a hole in the middle of the lobby roof. I’m proud to announce no

one actually fell off the roof and broke an arm, leg or neck. Pete had a near miss but the other boys save him from plummeting to his death. Breaking thru the roof took several hours. The boys were frozen to the bone by the time they made it back inside. After Tony, Pete, Matt and Jonas climbed down off the roof; I asked them how they planned to keep the rain, snow or whatever from pouring thru the hole. The boys didn’t appreciate my humor. Actually, I wasn’t trying to be funny. They are going to climb back up onto the roof tomorrow and build a little roof over the hole. This should be fun to watch.

Journal Entry 94I’m tired and my head hurts. I need to sleep. We all need to sleep but I don’t see that

happening anytime soon. There is too much commotion happening around here. Sick people are everywhere. A few are taking care of the majority.

I think I liked it better when Marty was unconscious. He keeps trying to get out of bed and help Gretchen and Cecelia. The only problem is that he is running a high fever and keeps falling down every time he gets out of bed. One of these times he is going to crack his head open. I am getting tired of putting him back into bed. Tony is tired of putting Marty back into bed. If Marty gets up again Tony said he is going to tie him down so that he can’t get back up.

Cecelia is laboring but laboring quietly. If she is in as much pain as Gretchen, she isn’t showing it. Gretchen has been screaming at the top of her lungs for hours. Her labor pains are never ending. She has barely a minute of relief between contractions. I have been taking turns with Hemy and a couple of other people trying to get Gretchen to breathe and relax. Gretchen is so out of control that nothing we say or do is helping. Somebody shoot me if I ever become pregnant. I don’t remember Casey’s labor ever being this bad. Casey’s labor lasted for days but it was never constant and she never screamed this loudly.

Journal Entry 95It has not been a good night. Sometimes life sucks. Gretchen finally delivered her baby

at four in the morning. I have never been so glad. I don’t think I could have taken one more hour of Gretchen crying and screaming. Poor Gretchen pushing that baby out was nearly an impossible task. There was an enormous amount of blood.

Gretchen fell asleep almost immediately after the baby’s delivery. I’m not even sure she knows he is a boy. Hemy helped me clean the baby up and tuck him in bed next to Gretchen. He is an adorable baby boy. He is very small not much bigger than a doll. I tried to let Marty know that his baby boy was born but I couldn’t wake him. His fever was thru the roof again. Tony told me to leave him alone. Marty didn’t need to expose his baby to the illness.

After Hemy, Tony and I cleaned up Gretchen we decided to try to make Cecelia more comfortable before we tried to get some needed sleep. Cecelia had been lying in birthing fluid

for hours. We had been ignoring her, not on purpose but Gretchen seemed to need our help more. Cecelia hadn’t made hardly any sounds in hours. Hemy and I grabbed some clean blankets and towels and began to clean up the bed Cecelia was sleeping on. Cecelia was very unresponsive except for a couple of moans and groans. Cecelia was sicker than we had realized.

Hemy was attempting to put clean towels under Cecelia’s bottom when I hear Hemy say “Oh shit” in a rather panicky way. The baby’s head was half way out. I tried slapping Cecelia awake to get her to push. I didn’t help. I tried pinching her arm and yelling at her to push. Nothing was helping.

Tony pushed me out of the way and lifted Cecelia to her knees. Tony said the gravity would help. Why does he know these things? Hemy grabbed the baby’s head and gave a pull. The baby slid out easily. He was small. I think he was too small. We tried to get him to breathe forever. His little body just laid there. He never took the first breathe. We wrapped him in a blanket and set him aside.

Journal Entry 96I hadn’t been asleep long when I heard the baby cry. I kept my eyes close listening for

Gretchen to take care of her baby. I was so tired that I was only going to get up if she needed my help. I think I listened to the baby cry for a good five minutes. I sleepily got up to help Gretchen. I was silently protesting the need to get out of bed. Hemy also got up to help. We both looked at each other half-asleep. I leaned over, tapped Gretchen, and told her that her new baby was probably hungry. He survived his first few hours he deserved the chance to eat. Hemy was a little more forceful in trying to waken Gretchen. I think we both noticed at the same time that Gretchen had died. Hemy sat down and cried and I sat down and cried. Hemy took the baby from his mother’s arms and held him close and cried some more.

Hemy and I sat next to Gretchen’s body for a good while. I heard Cecelia wake up. Her fever broke. She was asking for her baby. I didn’t even realize she had remembered delivering her baby. I looked at Hemy and Gretchen’s baby and then at Cecelia’s dead baby we had bundled up in a blanket and set aside. I don’t regret our decision. I think it was the right thing to do. Hemy and I handed Gretchen’s baby to Cecelia.

Journal Entry 97The snow continues to fall. I went for a walk earlier to get away from the sadness and

despair of this place. I couldn’t take the moaning and groaning for one moment longer. There is probably two feet of snow in places outside, maybe more. I really wasn’t paying much attention to the depth of snow I was trampling thru. I walked around the entire campus, down the street and thru the park. It was really quite beautiful to see everything covered in snow. After I was sufficiently frozen to the bone I went back home to Bear Country.

Marty and Cecelia are trying to recover from their illnesses and come to terms with the death of Gretchen and her baby. It’s sad the library trio is now a duo plus baby. I can’t believe Gretchen is gone. I feel somewhat guilty about her dying. I know I probably couldn’t have done anything to change what happened but…maybe if I had checked on her at least one more time, she would have had the strength to pull thru.

Tony, Victor, Matt and Jonas have been collecting wood to burn in the barrels. Partly out of necessity and partly because of built up frustration at our current situation. I am proud of Victor. He has worked hard in spite of not feeling well.

I think most of the wooden chairs inside the school have been broken into bits. I suggested they only break enough chairs to use now but no one was interested in what I had to say so I didn’t push it. I did put my foot down to keep Jonas from removing the chair in my room. I need that chair. Probably a quarter of the length of the far wall is stacked with wood (mostly broken chairs and tables) and other things that will burn. The room has actually been staying comfortable. The boys placed the three barrels strategically around the room. The ceiling has a layer of smoke probably a couple of feet deep but most of it seems to make its way out the hole in the ceiling.

Journal Entry 98Gretchen and the baby died two days ago. I was beginning to think Marty and Cecelia

were not going to let us remove their bodies from Bear Country. It was starting to get a little creepy. I dreamt last night that Gretchen was up walking around like a zombie. No one wanted to be the person to tell Marty and Cecelia that we needed to remove the bodies from Bear Country.

To solve our dilemma we held a meeting and drew straws. Sheriff Pete pulled the shortest straw. After losing the draw, Sheriff Pete excused himself and went for a walk. I think he was trying to get his thoughts together. Pete came back a short time later and then went to talk to Marty and Cecelia. The meeting only lasted a few moments.

We all stood around trying to look natural. I don’t know what Sheriff Pete said but it must have been appropriate. Marty and Cecelia agreed we could move Gretchen and the baby to another location in the building until we could dig a hole for their burial and hold a simple ceremony.

We spent half the day trying to dig a hole along the tree line behind the football field. The ground is frozen solid. We barely made a dent in the dirt. Sheriff Pete suggested we use the empty green house for Gretchen and the baby until we can dig a proper hole.

Journal Entry 99Hemy, Lisa and I offered to prepare the bodies for burial but Marty and Cecelia insisted

that they prepare Gretchen and the baby themselves. Marty and Cecelia carefully dressed Gretchen and the baby in nice clothes and wrapped them together like a mummy in a couple of sheets. We wrapped the mummy in Gretchen’s coat. It was a little odd to see a mummy dressed in a coat but it made Marty and Cecelia feel better.

I remember when my parents died and I had to prepare their bodies for the ground. I think making sure they looked somewhat decent made me feel better. I washed their face and hands. I couldn’t change their clothes I laid them to rest in the clothes in which they died. I was never actually able to get my parents into the ground. I couldn’t dig deep enough. I had to drape my parents with a couple of blankets, a tarp and place bricks around the edge.

Hemy, Lisa, Cecelia and I cleaned off one of the tables in the greenhouse and draped it with a nice pretty sheet. Cecelia wanted everything to look nice. She swept the floor and washed a couple of windows. We placed a few lit candles around the room. Everyone that wasn’t deathly ill gathered in the greenhouse. It was a lovely ceremony. Sheriff Pete said a prayer and Lisa sang.

When Marty said his goodbyes, it took all the control I could muster not to cry. I broke down when Cecelia said her goodbyes. Cecelia asked Gretchen to take care of her baby boy and then promised to raise and love Gretchen’s baby. Hemy and I looked at each other. Cecelia

knew we had made the switch. After the ceremony, we closed the doors of the greenhouse and wrapped a piece of fabric wrapped around the handles.

Chapter 11Journal Entry 100The snow has stopped falling. It was a reasonably nice day. You could actually see blue

sky instead of the solid covering of clouds. It’s still cold outside but not freezing. I actually took off one layer of clothes. I had four on. The snow has started to melt. Let’s keep our fingers crossed that it warms up a little more.

We had visitors today. Three gang members from the followers of Aloysius dropped by to see if we needed any help with our sick. Sheriff Pete didn’t let them stay long. He said we were doing just fine on our own. I guess you could say we are doing fine. People are recovering. No one else is near death. The followers of Aloysius left us a basket of herbs. Apparently, we are supposed to make a soup and make sure everyone has some. The soup is supposed to cure whatever ails us. I have my doubts but if it’s true then I wish the Followers of Aloysius had arrived a few days sooner.

Marty and Cecelia built a tent on one side of the room away from everyone. They are close enough to the fire barrels to keep warm. I went to check on Cecelia and the baby but Marty wouldn’t let me in the tent. He said Cecelia and the baby needed their rest and that he wanted to keep everyone away from the baby. I understand but I have the feeling I am getting the cold shoulder.

Journal Entry 101I went for a walk with Tony today. Things were stable in Bear Country. Tony and I

walked all the way out to the Spurs Fort. It was so cold. It didn’t feel that cold when we began our journey but by the time, we arrived at the Spurs Fort I was frozen to the bone. I was so happy to see smoke coming from the main house. It meant a decent fire inside and the possibility of warmth to defrost the parts of me that I could no longer feel. Tony and I knocked on the front door. Usually one of Joshua’s guards answers but not this time. To our surprise, a follower of Aloysius answered the door. I stood in the open doorway curiously staring at this person. I was unable to speak partly because my face was frozen and partly because I was a little confused. Tony looked at me and then I looked at Tony. Tony asked for Joshua and the follower graciously let us in. The room was indeed warm.

I started to thaw as soon as the front door closed behind me. A dozen people occupied the room. About half of them dressed as if they were followers of Aloysius. The room had a strange feeling to it I really can’t explain.

I was getting ready to ask for Joshua again when he walked into the room. Joshua must have been horribly sick. He looked thin and his eyes looked tired. He seemed glad to see me. Joshua asked Tony and me if we wanted something hot to drink. We gladly accepted.

Journal Entry 102I sat near the fireplace with Tony and Joshua. Anna one of the followers of Aloysius gave

all three of us a cup of tea. I think it was tea. It had an odd taste but it felt good going down. I tried not to stare at Joshua but I couldn’t help myself. He looked so frail. I tried to start a conversation by asking Joshua how he had been. It was a dumb question. It was obvious how Joshua had been. Tony kicked me in the ankle. I suddenly wished I had asked something else. There was an awkward silence for a few moments as Joshua gathered his thoughts.

Joshua redirected the question to me and asked how everyone at Bear Country was doing. I told Joshua about the deaths of Gretchen and the baby. Joshua said he was sorry to hear about our losses. Joshua got quiet for a moment and then said The Spurs had lost four gang members before the Followers of Aloysius dropped by to trade. Anna put her hand on Joshua’s shoulder to comfort him and said it was the least her gang could do. Joshua smiled at Anna and continued by saying that the followers of Aloysius are the reason the Spurs did not lose more people. Joshua patted Anna on the hand. “Anna is the reason I am alive. She knows a great deal about herbs and their healing properties. She has not left my side for days.” Anna smiled at Joshua. “The herbs were a gift from Aloysius. I only know what he showed me. Aloysius provides all. All we have to do is believe, Joshua.”

Journal Entry 103I sat there tightly squeezing my cup and drank my tea. Tony had his arm around my

shoulders. I didn’t even notice his arm was there until he gave me a squeeze. I think it was a squeeze to let me know he was sitting there or it was a squeeze cautioning me to keep my cool. I was feeling a bit warm, not from the fireplace but from my temper. I was probably getting red in the face. I know it’s silly but I wanted to slap Anna’s hand off Joshua’s shoulder. Joshua is my friend and Anna is intruding on a friendship that I hold dear.

I asked Joshua if he needed anything. He said he had all he needed. Joshua gazed into Anna’s eyes. There was more patting and hand holding with Anna. I stood up from my chair and kissed Joshua on the cheek. I think I kissed him out of spite because Anna was standing there. I told Joshua I was glad he was recovering.

I looked at Anna and told her it was good to meet her. Then I said Tony and I needed to get back to Bear Country. Tony shook hands with Joshua. Anna escorted us to the door and graciously invited us back. Joshua stayed in his chair and drank his tea. I think he was still feeling a bit weak and tired. As soon as the door closed, I stomped down the stairs of the porch.

Journal Entry 104I stomped off into the snow. I was furious that Anna had made herself so comfortable

inside the Spurs Fort in such a short amount of time. I kept repeating in my head the phrase that Anna said about believing in Aloysius. I admit I was a little pissed. If I ever meet up with this Aloysius, I’m giving him a smack upside the head.

I made it out the gate of the Spurs Fort about the time that Tony grabbed me by my coat and spun me around. Tony was angry with me for whatever reason. I was civil inside the Spurs Fort. I didn’t say one mean thing and I wasn’t rude in any way. Ok maybe, I was thinking that it would be nice if Anna’s head exploded but a girl has a right to her thoughts. Tony should have been angry with Anna and her friends. They just walked into the Spurs Fort and took over as if they owned the place.

Tony looked me straight in the eyes and said that I needed to make up my mind. I think the cold froze a few of Tony’s brain cells or something. Sometimes he makes absolutely no sense. I glared back at Tony and said, “What the flip are you talking about?” Tony didn’t give me an answer he just shoved me aside and walked away. I slipped and fell on the ice and landed on my butt. I had to walk all the way back to Bear Country alone.

Journal Entry 105It has started to snow again. I’m sick of snow. Jonas and I spent the entire day out in the

snow. Back before the virus, I used to pray for snow days. My parents used to moan and groan.

I never understood their hate for the snow. It was fun to me. There was no school and I could spend the entire day playing in the snow making snowmen and snow angels. I played until my fingers and toes ached with cold. My mom would always have something warm for me to eat and drink when I needed a break. Now I understand. The snow is pretty but it can make your life miserable when it interferes with life.

Several people in Bear Country are still recovering from their illnesses. If the weather doesn’t decide to warm up soon I fear people will start to get sick all over again. I’m tired of rooming in with everyone in Bear Country. I need solitude. I spent a little while in my room in the admin hallway but nearly froze to death. It is horribly cold when you get away from the fire barrels.

Sheriff Pete sent Jonas and me on a food recovery mission. I tried to back out of the tasks but Pete gave me one of those stern looks. I know he was thinking that I was once the gang leader of Bear Country and I should know the importance of stocking our food stores. I know the importance but I wanted to go out to the Spurs Fort and check up on Joshua.

Journal Entry 106I stepped off the steps into the snow. Jonas was close behind and he didn’t look thrilled

about having to go on our little expedition. Jonas mumbled something about hating the cold. At least the two of us were on the same page. I hate the cold too. I asked Jonas where he would like to go first. He looked left then he looked right. Then he looked left and then he looked right. A couple more moments of contemplation and we walked off towards the farms on the edge of town. It would have been a waste of time to go searching for food in town. No one will set up a kiosk when the weather is cold.

Farmers are a rare breed and they take their farming very seriously. Bear Country’s agriculture club provides most of our food. We don’t have everything we need. For example, Bear Country doesn’t have chickens. A good laying chicken is worth its weight in gold. Getting an egg on the open market is almost impossible. You have to know someone to get eggs. (Any kind of egg, Chicken or otherwise) Another thing that is hard to find is real milk. A few farms will sell milk from their cows, sheep and goats but you are going to pay a very hefty price. Beware of anything sold on the open market claiming to be milk. If you are going to purchase milk, buy it from a farmer and insist on a little sip. You don’t want to buy milk that has been sitting around in a bucket for two or three days.

The first two farm doors we knocked on had nothing to trade. By this time, I was freezing to death. I was almost ready to tell Jonas I wanted to go back home to Bear Country. Jonas and I had been out in the cold for nearly two hours. The third farm looked a little more promising from a distance. We could see smoke coming from more than one of the buildings and a few people walking around outside doing chores. An active farm usually means a working farm and food to barter.

We almost made it to the main house when I hear someone ask us if we were lost.Journal Entry 107Jonas and I both swung around to see who was talking. My face was so cold that I was

having trouble speaking. Jonas explained that we weren’t lost. We were just hoping to barter for food. Roman-Lloyd as we would shortly discover was his name said that his gang didn’t usually trade with outsiders but he might be able to help us out depending on what we needed.

I was freezing and my fingers were starting to throb. I asked Roman-Lloyd if he had a fire barrel I could stand near. I wanted to thaw out my hands. Roman-Lloyd graciously invited Jonas and me into the barn. He said we could warm up there while he gathered up the items that we needed. It was a nice barn and it was warm. The barn was very spacious and filled with hay. A dozen chickens, several goats, three cows and four horses occupied the barn with us. I plopped down in the middle of a haystack. Jonas walked around the room looking at the animals. Jonas commented on the animals well being. All of the animals were very well taken care of and not scrawny and underfeed like the normal livestock we have seen. A few minutes later Roman-Lloyd and a young girl about 7 years old returned with the items we had requested. Jonas and I handed over the items we had agreed to trade.

Roman-Lloyd asked Jonas and me if we wanted to stay for lunch. Jonas and I both looked at each other and said “Yes” in unison.

Journal Entry 108Roman-Lloyd invited Jonas and me into the house. It was a nice farmhouse, very clean. I

was looking forward to the free meal. Jonas was already licking his lips. I think the boy would eat just about anything if it were offered free. Actually so would I.

Roman-Lloyd took our coats and hung them up on the coat rack just inside the front door and then he offered us seats in a little sitting room just off to the side. Roman-Lloyd said he would be back for us in a few minutes. He had to go and clean up.

The minutes ticked by. I was beginning to feel a little abandoned. I kept peeking out the sitting room door. Finally, the little girl I had seen in the barn entered the sitting room. She was wearing a little white country dress covered with tiny little flowers and a green ribbon in her hair. She was very cute. I was suddenly feeling a little under dressed.

The little girl invited Jonas and me to lunch. We followed her into the kitchen. It was an ordinary kitchen with a long wooden table surrounded by benches. Food covered the table. Standing around the table in various clothes of white was eight followers of Aloysius.

Roma-Lloyd was at the head of the table. “Welcome to our home. Please join us for our meal.” I’m sure I didn’t breathe for an entire minute.

Journal Entry 109I looked around the room not certain what to do next. They caught me off guard. I was

in a kitchen with a group of Followers of Aloysius. My mind was spinning. Should I run or just slowly back out of the room? I thought of excusing myself by saying I was suddenly feeling ill. Unfortunately, Jonas took the first available seat and then winked at me. If thoughts could cause ailments, Jonas would have a severe case of irritable bowels. I smiled at everyone in the room and took my place at the table opposite of Jonas and between two followers of Aloysius. I smiled and glared at Jonas and then kicked him in the shin.

The meal was very nice. I didn’t talk much during the meal. I answered a couple of questions about Bear Country. Jonas didn’t stop talking the entire time. He talked to everyone around the table at least once. After the meal, Roman-Lloyd invited Jonas and me to a gathering at the movie theater. The Followers of Aloysius we getting together to celebrate Aloysius and all that is good. Before Jonas could answer, I said that Bear Country needed us but maybe we could attend a gathering at another time. Roman-Lloyd politely said that the gatherings are open to everyone who wished to attend.

Jonas teased me most of the way home. After I had received my fill of teasing, I pushed Jonas into a drainage ditch and walked the rest of the way home alone.

Chapter 12Journal Entry 110It is continuing to snow. It’s so frickin cold. I didn’t sleep well last night. Several people

coughed and tried to hack up lungs most of the night. Around three in the morning, my bladder forced me to get up and go to the bathroom. I avoided getting out of bed as long as possible but my bladder was on the verge of exploding. I wrapped myself in a couple of blankets and walked up the stairs to the bathroom in the admin hallway. The bathroom was so cold that there was actually ice in a couple of sinks. Have you ever noticed that is it hard to go pee when the toilet seat is cold and you are freezing?

On my way back to my bed in the front lobby, I saw Lisa and Tyson walking out the front doors of Bear Country. Lisa never follows the rules. The last I remember, we banned Tyson from entering Bear Country.

Then again, he has been a different person since joining the Followers of Aloysius. As long as he doesn’t cause any trouble, I guess I won’t say anything. Tyson and Lisa were probably going to an Aloysius meeting or gathering. I hope they didn’t have far to go because it looked like a blizzard outside.

We had a little excitement today. Tony and Victor managed to get a radio working. Someone is out there broadcasting music to the surrounding area. How cool is that?

Journal Entry 111The snow is piling up outside. I spent the morning helping Pete, Jonas and several other

people living inside of Bear Country gather wood. Our supply is dwindling very quickly. The colder it gets the more would we need to burn to keep the room at a decent temperature.

It won’t be long before we are going to have to find wood outside of Bear Country. I dread having to trample thru the snow. Pete said we could probably find wood out at the old wood mill if other people haven’t cleared out the place already. There are also several local buildings damaged during the earthquakes and meteor showers where we could retrieve wood. We would have to be careful not to knock down any already unsteady walls.

I am hoping the weather decides to warm up soon. I haven’t bathed in nearly a week. It’s too cold to remove my clothes. There is no water coming out of any of our pipes. We have to melt the snow for water to drink. Tony says the only thing that will stop the water shortage is warm weather.

Everyone in Bear Country listened to the radio most of the day. Tony placed the radio in the center of the room and turned it up very loud. I like the radio dj. One of these days, I’m going to go to the station and find out exactly whom he is. He sounds tall.

Journal Entry 112I am so glad this day is almost over. Tempers have been flaring all day long. Matt and

Jonas had a dispute over how to stack the wood and scrap burning materials against the wall. Matt wanted everything separated out and Jonas just wanted to throw everything into a heap. The whole thing was like watching a childish game.

Then Matt and Hemy got into an argument over PDA (Public display of affection). I guess Matt was in the mood and Hemy wasn’t. Matt wanted some long awaited attention and Hemy didn’t feel like giving any. Matt suggested they go upstairs to their room for some solitude.

Hemy said it was too cold and mentioned that Matt needed a bath. The yelling match that ensued was enormous. Insults flew in every direction.

Pete got in a yelling match with Lisa about a couple of visitors from a neighboring gang who wanted to take up residence inside Bear Country. Lisa was in the mood to give goodwill and sanctuary to those in need. Pete said we didn’t have room or the food resources to feed anyone else. Lisa demanded a gang vote. Most of us voted but the vote kept coming up a tie. We voted and we voted again. Then everyone started yelling at everyone. We have new guest but our guest are going to have to go and find food and bring it back to Bear Country.

Marty and Cecelia didn’t make themselves known until everything was out of hand and all of Bear Country was into a knock down drag out fight. Marty climbs out of his tent and yells for everyone to be quiet. I have never seen Marty lose his temper. I guess the stress of the last few weeks has changed Marty into a more aggressive person.

I need to go out to the Spurs Fort and check up on Joshua. I am worried about his health. If it doesn’t snow in the morning, I’m going to walk out to the Spurs Fort.

Journal Entry 113I woke up early and put on a dozen layers of clothes. The walk out to the Spurs Fort was

a cold quiet one. I knew something wasn’t right the moment the Spurs Fort was in sight. The sign that used to read Welcome to the Spurs Fort now said Aloysius is the Way.

I walked up to the gate and asked the guards standing in my way if I could talk to Joshua. I didn’t like the reply I received. Joshua was doing the will of Aloysius and he couldn’t be disturbed. I wasn’t amused. I told the guard that Joshua would talk to me because I was his best friend. I tried to run past the guards but they tackled me to the ground before I reached the main house steps.

I yelled and fought off my attackers the best I could. The ruckus I made out on the front lawn brought Anna out to the front porch. Anna told the guards to let me up. I told Anna I wanted to see and speak to Joshua. Anna repeated what the guards had said. She said that Joshua was busy and couldn’t be disturbed. I told Anna I wasn’t leaving if I couldn’t talk to Joshua.

I don’t know if it was the determination in my face or my anger that I was spewing all over the front lawn but Anna instructed the guards to let me go and invited me into the house. She had redecorated the main house. It looked very much like a religious shrine. A shrine dedicated to the will of Aloysius.

I waited by the fireplace for nearly an hour before Anna brought Joshua into the room. Joshua looked as if he was feeling better but he had a blank stare on his face. I asked Joshua how he had been. He said he was feeling much better now that Aloysius had healed his soul. Joshua smiled a little smile and asked me if I had come to join the love that was Aloysius. I think my heart broke a little at that moment. My Joshua, my friend was no longer the Joshua that I knew. I excused myself and then walked the long way back to Bear Country.

Journal Entry 114I had another nightmare about Aloysius. I don’t remember exactly what happened in my

dream. I just remember being overwhelmed with panic. I know my dream was scary, frightening and very disturbing. I must have been crying and making a fuss while sleeping because both Sheriff Pete and Tony woke me from my nightmare. I had a few moments of confusion. Sheriff

Pete got a little too close to me. I bopped him hard and gave him a bloody nose. Tony in return slapped me across my face to bring me backed to reality. His handprint is still on my cheek.

After apologizing to Pete and helping him clean up his nose, I sat out on the front steps and talked to Tony. We talked about nothing in particular. I’m not even sure how long we were outside. I ignored the cold for the most part. Tony suggested we go back inside and go back to bed after he couldn’t keep his teeth from chattering.

Journal Entry 115Nearly everyone is lying around listening to the radio. I like this Daedalus person. He can

be funny and he plays decent music, most of the time. Daedalus has begun to sell airtime. If you want a certain artist or group played, go to the station, provide the CD and barter for airtime.

I’m in charge of preparing the main meal today. We are having beans. I hate beans. The only other thing I have eaten today is two spoonfuls of peanut butter. Sheriff Pete sent Matt and Hemy out looking for food. Of all the chores we are required to share I am thankful that today I don’t have to do that one. I know I’ve said it before but it’s so frickin cold outside.

The snow continues to fall. You can’t tell where the street and the front lawn begins or ends. The temperature inside Bear Country isn’t much better even though we keep the fire barrels burning at all times. We are a sad looking bunch. A clean bunch but a sad looking bunch.

The stench inside of Bear Country was getting pretty awful. Not able to stand the smell any longer Hemy suggested we all take baths. The question was raised about how we were supposed to do that when we had no running water and the air inside Bear Country was near freezing. I don’t know why I didn’t think about the solution myself. Hemy suggested we gather snow, lots of snow, melt it, and then heat it over the fire barrels. We could bathe in the heated water.

Victor and a couple of other people weren’t thrilled about having to remove their clothes to bathe but Tony said that anyone who didn’t freely choose to bathe would meet his wrath. We all took turns. Life smells a little better now.

Journal Entry 116I slept really well last night. I can’t remember the last time I slept without some sort of

difficulty. If there was any noise thru the night, I didn’t hear any. I don’t even think I dreamt about anything. Tony and I snuggled the entire night. I had been sleeping alone with half a dozen blankets wrapped around me but still the cold was there. I was nice to feel warm for a change.

Lisa and Tyson brought a couple of friends home to Bear Country today. Sheriff Pete was not happy. Pete doesn’t like Tyson and with good reason. Tyson has not been good to Lisa in the past. Pete cares for Lisa greatly although I don’t think he has actually told Lisa this. I really don’t know, maybe he has told Lisa how he feels. I really haven’t heard any rumors on the subject.

I could see the anger stirring in Pete’s eyes as Tyson and the Followers of Aloysius entered Bear Country. Pete was getting ready to have Tyson and his friends forcibly thrown out of Bear Country when they uncovered a box of food. The whole room gasped, including me. They revealed an entire case of Spaghetti with meatballs. It was the most glorious site. Bear country has food to sustain us thru several more weeks but most of what we have is boring and lacks taste.

There was silence as everyone in the room stared at Pete. I was secretly hoping Pete would set aside his disdained for Tyson just long enough for me to get a can of the Spaghetti. To make a long story short, Pete allowed the followers of Aloysius and Tyson to stay. We ate well. My stomach is full.

Journal Entry 117I feel so incredibly obsolete. I think I miss being gang leader. I miss people coming to me

and asking me for advice. I miss other gang leaders asking for my input on community situations. Sheriff Pete is doing a wonderful job as Bear Country’s gang leader. He is more organized than I ever was. I think Bear Country has benefited from Pete’s guidance. The people living inside of Bear Country elected Sheriff Pete to his post and he deserves my respect and support, but I still wish I were Bear Country’s leader.

Earlier today, several gang leaders from our gang association arrived at Bear Country to talk to Pete. It must have been a scheduled meeting because Sheriff Pete wasn’t surprised when the other gang leaders appeared on our doorstep. It was a private meeting. They didn’t invite me to attend. I tried to attend the meeting but Pete pushed me aside. Pete said he would discuss the issues of the meeting later with everyone living inside of Bear Country. I didn’t want to hear what the meeting was about later. I wanted to hear about things first hand. I vented my anger to Tony. Tony gave me no sympathy at all.

Journal Entry 118The ground has once again started to shake. It has been a very unnerving day. Everyone

is on edge. I was sleeping very soundly next to Tony this morning when the entire building started to shake. For a few moments, I thought the entire roof was going to come down on our heads. Everyone panicked. The big oak tree out in the front of the school uprooted from the ground. This tree is probably a hundred years old with a circumference of at least six feet. It hasn’t fallen over but it’s close to falling. What a shame the little ones love to climb that tree.

I climbed that tree once before the virus ruined everything. I ended up with detention for a week. My detention would have only been for two days but I was a little mouthy. I should have just climbed down when Mr. O’Hara asked me too. Instead, I stood up on one of the branches and boasted my courage and defiance against the schools dumb rules. Mr. O’Hara didn’t have a sense of humor.

The teachers didn’t allow us to climb the tree but it was another rite of passage that half the school aspired to. You had to get to the school before the teacher who was on yard duty got on patrol but late enough for other students to see you up in the tree as proof of your bravery. It took me forever to get brave enough to climb the tree. I got detention but I also got lots of praise and pats on the back from the other students in the school. It was my 15 minutes of fame.

Journal Entry 119Shake, rattle and roll. The quakes continue although much milder than yesterday. It’s

extremely cold. The earthquakes broke out several of our windows in several of the classrooms. Sheriff Pete divided chores. About a half a dozen people spent the day trying to seal up those classrooms with broken windows. We closed and sealed the unused rooms. Matt, Pete and Jonas when looking for fire barrels or similar items. Victor, Hemy, Lisa and me went looking for items to burn.

I hate the cold. I hate it more now that I have to go out and play in it. There are several new buildings collapsed around town. It’s sad we used to have a beautiful town. The area around Bear Country looks very much like a war zone. A snow covered war zone.

While out searching for items to burn, we ran across several people looking for food and a place to stay. I hate beggars they make me feel uncomfortable. Every time we saw a group of people begging, we went the other way. I know it’s hypocritical. I have been a beggar but Bear Country does not have the resources to help everyone in need.

We have to save ourselves and survive this winter. I can’t think of anyone who hasn’t been a beggar. It is an unpleasant fact. There are times when the weak are going to die. I was actually feeling pretty awful about ignoring the pleas of the beggars until I saw a group of Followers of Aloysius offering food and a place to stay to those who needed help.

Chapter 13Journal Entry 120I was still in bed hiding from the cold when Kate and three of her friends stumbled in the

front doors of Bear Country. They looked like beggars covered in blankets from head to toe. The guards covering the front doors tried to push them back outside. Poor Kate, out of desperation she started yelling my name. I sleepily stuck my head out from underneath my covers. I was thinking to myself that it better be a good reason if I have to get out of my bed. It took me a few moments to figure out who exactly was calling my name. I pushed Tony over and sat up.

It took a couple of cups of hot chocolate water before Kate and her friends were thawed out enough to tell us about everything that was going on at the Spurs Fort. The Followers of Aloysius had totally taken over.

Kate was sure Joshua and most of her gang mates were under the influence of some sort of drug. Anna placed the drug in the drinks given during the ceremonies. I asked Kate if she had actually met this Aloysius person. I was curious about what he looked like. The answer was no but Anna was calling most of the shots at the Spurs Fort. Anna has a few key officers that help maintain order.

Kate said the Spurs Fort has been receiving supply shipments from an unknown destination. Food, computers, various equipment and lumber filled the trucks. Anna has most of the people working on construction projects to in and around the Spurs fort.

For reasons they couldn’t explain Lynette, Travis, Pepper and Kate remained unaffected by the drugs.

Journal Entry 121We all have choices. Sometimes choices are easy and sometimes they are not. Sheriff

Pete said several of the gang leaders from our gang association want to join the followers of Aloysius. How do you argue against a group of people who offer cures from sickness, food and shelter to those in need? We are in one of the coldest winters I have seen in a long time. Life is hard especially since the meteors and the earthquakes. The followers of Aloysius are offering a chance of survival to those who would not survive on their own. The only thing they are currently asking for in return is a little worship. (Just a little worship.)

I have always had bad feelings about the followers of Aloysius. Something about them has always rubbed me the wrong way. Now that I know the followers of Aloysius manipulate people with drugs, I dislike the followers even more. Lisa and Tyson’s change in attitudes with life makes more sense now.

Kate said when the followers of Aloysius offered her gang help she gladly accepted what they had to offer. Without Anna’s help, more people would have died from the flu. Kate is thankful for Anna’s help but Anna and her fellow followers of Aloysius have taken over the Spurs Fort and made it their own. With the exception of Joshua, no one from the Spurs Fort is in any position of authority. Joshua is in his position because he is drugged and under the influence of Anna.

Kate wants to show us what is happening inside the Spurs Fort. We will have to be very sneaky. Kate said we could enter the fort thru the cellar underneath the main house.

Journal Entry 122We waited nearly all day for Kate to return to Bear Country. I was beginning to think

Anna caught her or someone else at the Spurs Fort and wouldn’t be returning. Kate, Lynette, Travis and Pepper finally arrived in Bear Country just as the sun was beginning to go down and more snow was beginning to fall. Kate and her friends were in a rush. We had to hurry if we were going to make it back to the Spurs Fort before the evening rally. Tony and I quickly changed into the white clothes provided by Kate and bundled ourselves up against the cold. We practically ran all the way to the Spurs Fort.

Kate almost had a heart attack as we reached the Spurs Fort. She started swearing and cussing like a sailor. Backed against the cellar door was a truck. Several people were unloading the supplies from the truck into the cellar. I thought we were going to have to scrub our mission and come back on another day. Luckily, Lynette and Travis were quick thinkers. They suggested we tell the people who were unloading the truck Anna sent us to help. They were in a hurry to get things unloaded so they allowed us to help with no questions asked. After the truck was unloaded we continued to sneak into the Fort thru the cellar and then thru the kitchen to the back stairs up to Kate’s room.

After a glass of gin to warm our bodies, we left for the rally. Gin taste nasty but it did warm up my insides. The gin also made my nose feel funny and I couldn’t stop smiling. I also got the giggles. Tony kept giving me stern looks.

Journal Entry 123Kate had to leave us alone to attend to her duties at the rally. She didn’t want to draw

suspension to herself. She cautioned us to stay below Anna’s radar. This rally was only for the most faithful of the believers. Anna would not appreciate intruders.

It was like a sea of white. Everyone in the room was wearing hoodies. A white pullover with the hat attached to the back. Half the people in the room had their hats on their heads. Tony and I pulled our hats onto our heads so that Anna wouldn’t recognize us. It was a challenge to stay away from people I knew.

I had an awful case of the giggles. I just couldn’t stop. Everything I overheard made me giggle. Tony kept pinching me on the arm. He didn’t find our situation funny at all. We walked around the room ease dropping on conversations. Most of the people were talking about how Aloysius had changed their lives and the changes that would come. I never heard what particular changes were coming but it sounded big. I kept looking for Joshua. After circling the room and weaving thru the crowd at least a dozen times, I was finally convinced Joshua wasn’t in the room. I don’t know what I would have done if I had actually ran into him. I know Joshua wouldn’t have followed me out the door.

I was eating mini sandwiches at one of the tables against the wall when suddenly the room became quiet. It was so quiet you could hear crickets in the background. Everyone in the room dropped to their knees. Except me, I stood there for a moment looking around the room. Anna and Joshua entered the room wearing formal gowns. It was very regal and a little unnerving. I had the sudden feeling of déjà vu. Tony grabbed me by my arm and pulled me down to the floor. It wasn’t a graceful kneel.

Journal Entry 124I didn’t want Anna to recognize me. I pulled my hat down over my face. I kept sneaking

quick peeks at Joshua. He looked different and I just couldn’t figure out why. It was bothering the heck out of me. It wasn’t the robes. It wasn’t the semi blank stare on his face. It wasn’t the missing cowboy hat. There was something else and then it hit me. Anna had cut Joshua’s long curly hair short. I blurted out the words “They cut his hair” louder than I should have. Everyone in the room looked my way. Tony said a few things under his breath that I’m not going to repeat and he gave me the biggest pinch on the top of my hand.

We couldn’t run. The room was filled with people. The exits were on the other side of the room. I pulled my hat farther down over my face. I was hoping my outburst would only draw a moment’s attention and then forgotten. Unfortunately, Anna had recognized my voice. She said my name. I ignored her so she said my name again. Anna had her guards shuffle Tony and me to the front of the room.

Journal Entry 125Tony and I tried to play things cool. What else could we do? Anna was calm but I could

tell she was irritated and not happy we were there. Anna introduced us to the crowd as seekers. It was the first time I had heard that word used. A seeker is someone who wishes to join the Followers of Aloysius. Joshua smiled and said he was glad to see us. He welcomed us to the Followers of Aloysius. Joshua gave me a hug and then Tony. I didn’t know what to do should I play along or run. I didn’t want to be a seeker. Tony kept glaring at me. He was already furious. If I screwed things up, he was going to kill me the first time we were alone.

Scattered throughout the crowd were Kate, Lynette, Travis and Pepper. They couldn’t help us. They needed to remain hidden from Anna. Anna couldn’t know that they weren’t believers. Anna had Tony and I kneel in front of the crowd. She said a little speech about Aloysius, his good deeds, and the changes that would come. Aloysius wanted all to join his ranks. Aloysius would make the world a better place filled with love and peace. It all sounded good. There wasn’t any reason why someone wouldn’t believe after that speech. Anna was an excellent speaker, very convincing. The evil amongst us are often good speakers.

The crowd split up the middle of the room. Anna had a tray paraded to the front of the room. Joshua took the tray and removed the white drape. On top of the tray was two cups. Anna handed me a cup and then Tony. Joshua said, “Let the will of Aloysius be revealed”. I knew Anna had drugged the liquid. I looked at the cup, then at Tony and then at the cup. My fate was sealed. I looked at Anna. She knew I didn’t want to drink. Anna smiled and said all loyal followers must drink. We couldn’t do anything; Anna’s guards surrounded us. I drank expecting to feel weird. I was thinking to myself that maybe the effects just took a little time to kick in. I glanced at Tony. He didn’t look odd in anyway. If the drink affected him, I couldn’t tell. Then I had a brief thought that maybe nothing was in the drink. It was just a drink.

Journal Entry 126

Anna welcomed us to the Followers of Aloysius. I don’t think she meant it. There was too much sarcasm in her voice. After the crowd jumped around joyously for a couple of minutes Anna had Tony and me escorted to another room. She placed two guards outside of our door. We were in deep doo-doo with nowhere to run.

I asked Tony if he felt funny in any way from the drink. He said no. He was feeling fine. I was also feeling fine. I think we were both feeling a bit confused. We paced around the room for probably 10 minutes before Anna arrived to see how we were doing. She wanted answers. The first thing Anna wanted to know was how we managed to get the white hoodies and gain entrance into the rally. I’m certain Anna knew someone had helped us get in she just didn’t know who.

Not wanting to answer Anna’s questions Tony and I played the loyal Followers of Aloysius card. We both praised Aloysius. It seemed like the thing to do. Then we played semi dumb. I wasn’t sure if the drink was drugged or not but if it was I wanted Anna to think that the drug worked. I told Anna (and Tony agreed) the will of Aloysius led us to the rally. I’m not sure if Anna believed our little act or not. She seemed a little discouraged when we wouldn’t tell her who gave us the hoodies. I kept repeating, “It was the will of Aloysius. Aloysius provided the hoodies”.

Anna stomped out of the room. Tony and I waited to see what would happen next. I was thinking we were going to spend our remaining days in a dungeon somewhere. A few minutes later, guards led us outside and tossed us out the front gate of the Spurs Fort. The guard gave us instruction on where and when to attend the next rally. Tony was peeved all the way home. Partly because it was my fault we were discovered by Anna and partly because we didn’t have our coats. By the time, we made it back to Bear Country I was a frozen Popsicle and Tony wasn’t speaking to me.

Journal Entry 127I swear I need to vent. As soon as our bodies thawed, Sheriff Pete wanted to know

everything that happened at the Spurs Fort. We held a meeting in the kitchen with all the senior members of Bear Country. Lisa wasn’t home. She was out with Tyson somewhere. I don’t think it would have been appropriate for her to attend the meeting anyway. Lisa is practically a follower of Aloysius in every way conceivable. A couple of times I thought she had moved out of Bear Country but she keeps coming back. I don’t know why. She really doesn’t associate with anyone in Bear Country any more. I think Pete is still holding a torch for Lisa. He looks a little hurt every time she comes around.

I tried to tell everyone my version of what happened but Tony kept interrupting me. Apparently, his version of what happened at the Spurs Fort was more accurate. Tony is being such a butthead. He acts as if I purposely screwed up the mission. A couple of times during the meeting I almost smacked him upside the head. It wasn’t my fault Anna kicked us out of the Spurs Fort without our jackets. What was I suppose to do? Say something like,” I’m sorry we left our coats up in Kate’s Room”. In my defense, I didn’t know the gin we drank was going to give me the giggles and what kind of lunatic cuts off perfectly beautiful long curly hair. Joshua looked very nice with short hair but it was a shock when I saw his long hair cut off.

Journal Entry 128I have my coat back. Seekers filled the rally. Anna and Joshua arrived wearing their royal

robes about an hour after the beginning of the rally. Anna gave her speech and Joshua helped

with the offering. The ceremony was actually very lovely. I was very amazed at how many people wanted to join the Followers of Aloysius. It was happy crowd and there was plenty of food. Tables lined the walls covered from end to end with food. I’m thinking most of the people were joining the Followers of Aloysius for the food. Who could blame them? It was a very harsh winter and food is scarce. You can’t stop the grapevine once it gets started. I doubt there is one person that doesn’t know what the followers of Aloysius are offering. It’s a shame that the seekers didn’t realize that they were getting ready to give part of themselves to be a follower. The moment they drank the drugged offering their lives would no longer be the same.

I was hoping Kate would be at the rally but she wasn’t there. Tony I ran into Lynette and Travis. We snuck off into a back room, had another drink of Gin, and discussed things that were happening at the Spurs Fort. I only drank a little sip this time. Tony wasn’t happy I drank the sip but Lynette said the ritual couldn’t be broken. Lynette told me that Anna was watching Kate. Anna had her guards search everyone’s room at the Spurs Fort trying to figure out who had infiltrated the compound. Anna and her guards questioned everyone. As far as Lynette and Travis knew, Anna didn’t find anything.

Journal Entry 129At the end of the rally, I retrieved Tony and walked toward the exit. We nearly made it

out the door when suddenly Anna stepped into my path. I was tired and wanted to go home to Bear Country but instead I played loyal follower of Aloysius. I’m thinking I probably should have grown up to be an actor. I praised Anna and thanked her for leading me to Aloysius. I was really quite convincing. In return, Anna asked me to do her a favor. Before hearing the request, I pledged my faithfulness as a loyal follower and said I would do anything for Aloysius. Anna was pleased. At least she seemed pleased. Anna asked me to bring everyone residing in Bear Country to the next seeker rally. I smiled at Anna as my brain cursed me with every dirty word I knew. I couldn’t say no. I said I would do the Will of Aloysius and walked out the door tugging Tony behind me.

Tony yelled at me most of the way home. He kept insisting I had screwed things up, again. For the most part I ignored him, except, for that one time that he squeezed my arm hard as he could to get my attention. Tony’s need to cause me pain has gotten way out of hand. I shoved him aside, gave him the glare of death and the two handed slap. I continued walking as I tried to figure out in my mind how this might become an advantage. If I could become close enough to Anna maybe, I could rescue Joshua and his fellow gang members from the grasp of the Followers of Aloysius. I was thinking with every brain cell I had as we walked home. I didn’t even feel the cold.

Chapter 14Journal Entry 130Kate snuck out of the Spurs Fort again today. She was a bit on the tipsy side. Not drunk

but you could tell she had been drinking Gin. Kate was desperate for my help. Anna will no longer let Kate see her brother Joshua.

No one alive today is responsible for what happened in the past. I know this. The adults screwed up our lives. It’s a day-to-day struggle just to survive. The strong are always beating down the weak or using the weak to gain power and authority over everyone else.

I hate my life. I hate this place. Sheriff Pete acts as if I never held a position of authority around here. No one inside Bear Country wants to help me. Sheriff Pete said we needed to

worry about Bear Country and let the other gangs worry about themselves. Pete said it wouldn’t be possible to get help from any of the other local gangs that are a part of our gang association. Most of the local gang leaders have decided to follow the Will of Aloysius. The gangs not following the will of Aloysius want to be left alone.

I begged and I pleaded for someone to help Kate and me. Tony just shook his head and walked away. Matt and Hemy didn’t want to get involved. The only one that offered any help at all was Victor. He only wants to help because of the food.

Journal Entry 131Marty is a wise man. I didn’t think he was actually paying attention to what was

happening outside of his tent in his corner of the room. Marty, Cecelia and the baby kept to themselves most of the time. They rarely talked to anyone unless they were performing some assigned chore. Actually, I really hadn’t seen Cecelia at all. I had heard the baby cry occasionally.

Kate and I were talking, discussing how we might save Joshua and the others at the Spurs Fort when Marty asked Kate if anyone else at the Spurs Fort was addicted to alcohol. It was a rude question and I told Marty so. Kate rolled her eyes at Marty and sarcastically said she only drank occasionally, she wasn’t addicted. Except for Kate and her friends Lynette, Travis and Pepper, no one at the Spurs Fort had had a drink since Anna arrived. Anna had forbidden the use of alcohol by everyone at the Spurs Fort. She had it all destroyed except for the case Kate had hidden in her room.

I could see the wheels turning in Marty’s head. Something had clicked in that scientific brain of his. Marty said certain medications are less effective and sometimes inactive if you drink alcohol. He said the reason Kate, her friends, Tony and I weren’t affected by the drug put in the offerings at the Aloysius rallies was because the use of Gin could be making the drug ineffective.

Journal Entry 132I should have known that sneaking into the Spurs Fort to get more Gin to try out our

theory wasn’t going to be an easy one. Actually, it did start out easy. Kate and I snuck into the Spurs Fort thru the cellar just as we had done before. There weren’t any guards around. At least no guards that were actually paying attention to what they were supposed to be doing. I had a brief moment of thought that our entry was a little too easy. I ignored my feelings and continued to follow Kate to her room.

Anna was sitting on Kate’s bed as we opened the door. She was grinning from ear to ear as she looked at Kate and said, “Welcome home”. Two guards stepped in behind us and closed the door the moment we entered the room. I wasn’t going to be able to escape that way. The window was my only other option. With a running start, I could have dived thru the window and only broken a few bones in the fall. I won’t mention the dirty words that were exploding in my head as I tried to figure out what to say.

I take my hat off to Kate. She was a quick thinker. I followed her lead as she praised Aloysius and stroked Anna’s ego. I think I turned Anna around the moment I said I was struggling to get everyone in Bear Country to accept the Will of Aloysius. I needed Kate’s help and advice. I was feeling inadequate and ashamed of my inabilities to persuade my friends to follow Aloysius. I feared for my friends. I apologized if I had gotten Kate into trouble but I

needed help and advice from someone that had first hand seen the goodness that was Aloysius. I shed a few tears and begged Anna not to send me away. Anna left the room with her guards.

Journal Entry 133We had gone over our plan a thousand times. We even discussed the things that could

possibly gone wrong and alternate plans that we would take if anything went wrong. We went over and over the steps that we would take to make the plan work. We practiced and practiced the roles that each of us would play. Because Anna was already suspicious of Kate’s motives I got to play the devout follower role.

I spent two days living at the Spurs Fort kissing up to Anna and learning everything I could about Aloysius. If you are going to overtake and crumble the enemy, it helps to make her your friend. I studied, I cooked, I cleaned, I praised Aloysius every free moment I had. Just to make sure Anna knew I was devout I kissed her feet and washed her back. In a heartfelt display of devotion, I asked Anna if I could pass out the offering at the next Aloysius rally for the seekers. Anna thought it was a wonderful idea. Anna had her tailor fit me with robes.

Marty estimated to the best of his ability the amount of Gin that each of us would need to consume before the rally and then we drank a little more just to make sure none of our brains would turn into mush. I didn’t want Anna to turn me into a walking complacent zombie. Playing the role was hard enough.

Marty, Tony, Jonas, Victor and me walked into the rally together. Anna requested I privately meet with her soon after we had arrived. Anna was pleased. Not everyone from Bear Country was present but the showing was big enough to let Anna know that I was serious about my dedication to the Will of Aloysius.

Kate and her friends spread out among the other guest. We gave each other the secret sign and mingled with the seekers. Nearly everyone was hanging around the food tables stuffing their faces with the assortment of treats. It was a happy crowd.

Journal Entry 134The ceremony started as before. Anna spoke the words of Aloysius and praised his good

deeds. Joshua stood beside Anna, proud and regal. He was looking healthy. Very different from his feeble self I had seen just a few days before.

Tony, Marty, Kate, and the others took their places around the room. Everyone except Victor, he was not where he was supposed to be. Where did the little runt go? I adjusted my robe and stepped to the front just below the podium. It was almost time for the offering. I had a prayer to say before Anna would request the offering. I kept looking around the room. If Victor screwed up our plan, I was going to massacre him myself with a slow painful death.

Unexpectedly, the room went dark. Everyone in the room gasped at once. As quickly, as the lights went out a spotlight lit up Joshua. He looked so tall. Joshua took a step forward and in a booming voice addressed the crowd.

Joshua announced to everyone in the room that evil sometimes reaches out and tries to destroy what is good. In order to keep evil at bay the righteous must sometimes take a chance and invite evil to walk among those who are good.

Panic hit me hard. I wanted to run but I couldn’t. I was frozen. I stared at Joshua’s eyes. They were so powerful. I couldn’t see anything else but those eyes. The rest of the room dissolved into nothingness. Joshua was talking directly to me. I felt the hair all over my body

stand up on end as he announced to the crowd that evil walked among the Followers of Aloysius.

Journal Entry 135Joshua continued with his speech and I waited for lightening to strike me down. My

entire life flashed thru my head. I remembered the good times before the virus and the bad times after the virus. The key moments, the decisions I had made that brought me to where I was today flooded my brain. I stood mesmerized listening to Joshua. I can’t remember exactly what he said but he was making perfect sense. I think, maybe. Whatever he said I suddenly felt a sense of calm and relief. The lights came back on just as Joshua mentioned my name and asked me to say the prayer. I said the prayer and didn’t even have to think about the words.

I forgot about my mission for a few minutes. Moved by Joshua’s words many of the seekers cried as they took the offering. Victor was the last person in line. Joshua was standing to my left and Anna to the right. Victor reached out to grab his offering and then puked all over Anna’s robes. The expression on Anna’s face was priceless. She handled things well for approximately three seconds and then Anna puked in return. The whole room backed up in unison. It was very much like the parting of the waters in the bible. Kate and Lisa helped an ill Anna out of the room.

With Anna out of the room, I had Joshua all to myself.Journal Entry 136I walked outside with Joshua. Tony, Marty and Jonas followed a few minutes later. Kate

and Lisa were keeping Anna occupied inside. It was a simple task. Give Joshua a drink of Gin and convince Him that Anna was bad. Apparently, he already knew that Anna was bad. He had been pretending.

There was an unexpected feeling of relief when Joshua said he had been working with friends to get rid of Anna. Joshua asked me to stay and help him defeat the Followers of Aloysius. Joshua caught me off guard. At first, I thought Joshua was joking, so I laughed. Joshua wasn’t joking. He was serious. The kiss was unexpected.

As soon as Tony realized what Joshua had said wasn’t a joke he took a swing at Joshua. Suddenly more than a dozen of Anna’s guards jumped out from nowhere. We didn’t have a chance. We tried to fight but they had us out numbered.

I’ve been inside this room freezing my butt off for more than a day, no food and only a pee bucket. Screaming for someone to let me out doesn’t seem to help. It has given me a sore throat. My friends don’t seem to be in the same building because no one answers when I call.

Journal Entry 137Another day has gone by. I’m cold and hungry. I can’t scream anymore. If someone is

out there, they are doing an excellent job of ignoring me. I spend my time sleeping and pacing around the room. I held my pee as long as I could but I had to pee in the bucket and then I got a case of the runs. It smells awful in here.

Journal Entry 138Anna stopped by this morning. She was all smug and acting as if she was queen. At first,

I thought I was dreaming. I haven’t been sleeping well. Anna brought me a Danish pastry and a quart of water. She made me praise Aloysius. At first, I refused to eat but the pastry smelled so good. I was so hungry. I couldn’t go another day without eating. Anna left as soon as she handed me the pastry.

Journal Entry 139I spent most of the day huddled in my blanket and daydreaming about warm weather.

I’m too tired to walk around the room. Anna dropped by and gave me more water and two apples. I had to memorize a prayer and then praise Aloysius before she would give them to me.

Chapter 15Journal Entry 140Anna had her guards let me outside just long enough to empty my bucket. It smelled so

good outside. My room smells awful. I begged for more time outside but Anna said Aloysius had a plan for me and right now, the plan was for me to spend time in my room thinking about doing the Will of Aloysius. I hate Aloysius. Anna gave me a reading of Aloysius to memorize by tomorrow. She said if I could say it back without making any mistakes, she would bring me a treat.

Journal Entry 141Anna and her guards came by just as the sun was going down. She held a plate of food

and asked me to say the passage she had asked me to memorize. I only made it to the first paragraph before making a mistake. Anna turned and walked out of my room. I think she was disappointed. Anna didn’t leave the plate.

Journal Entry 142Nothing to do but sleep and memorize the passages that Anna insist I memorize. I

dreamt about my parents. I haven’t had a dream about them in ages. I miss them. In my dream, it was a warm day and we were having a picnic. It was a lovely dream. My dream came to an end the moment Anna poured a glass of water on my head. It was a rude awakening.

I tried to get Anna to tell me about my friends. She refused to tell me anything. She kept repeating that the Will of Aloysius was the only thing that mattered. I wanted more information. I begged, I pleaded. I promised to do anything she asked of me if she would just tell me about my friends. I didn’t get any answers.

Journal Entry 143Anna continues to play games. I think I am going insane. Anna torments me. She isolates

me from the world and teases me constantly. I only get to eat on her terms. If she is trying to break me then I am broken. I don’t want to play anymore. I want a room with a view. I hate these four walls.

Joshua has been a good friend. He was always there when I needed him. I miss him. I spent most of the day thinking about Joshua and my other friends. I keep dreaming he is more than a friend. Anna ruined everything. I wish she would die. I keep hoping if I think about it long enough her brain will explode into a thousand pieces.

One good thing happened today. Anna let me take a bath and she gave me some clean clothes.

Journal Entry 144Anna didn’t come by today. I hate these games. I spent the day listening at the door

hoping to hear footsteps. There was nothing. Just silence. I tried several times today to break the door handle and escape. Anna isn’t going to be happy. I damaged the door jam. I only have about a half a quart of water left. My stomach is killing me. The weather must be warming up outside. I didn’t need my blanket most of the day.

Journal Entry 145

Anna and I went for a walk in the sun today. Four of her guards followed us. I kept my eyes open in hopes that I might see a friend. I didn’t see anyone from Bear Country. Most of the snow has melted. I’m glad because I am tired of being cold.

There was many Followers of Aloysius walking around town or at least people who look like they are Followers of Aloysius. Anna was very proud. She said the world is changing for the better. I try to be open minded but I don’t see this change as an improvement on what we already had. Anna said she would be moving me to the Spurs Fort in a couple of days.

Journal Entry 146I woke up this morning struggling to breathe. I couldn’t see anything. Smoke and fire

were pouring thru the air vent at the top of the wall. Smoke had engulfed my room. I crawled to the door. I banged, and yelled for someone to help me. I knew no one was going to help me. I was going to die in the fire. I was lying on the floor near the door struggling to breathe. I couldn’t catch my breath. Suddenly the door burst open. I couldn’t tell who was there but he grabbed me by my shirt and dragged me outside.

Journal Entry 147I started to cry as soon as Joshua asked me if I was OK. I wasn’t ok. I was feeling wobbly.

My heart was pounding out of my chest and I was having difficulty catching my breath. I turned around to see the building I was in totally engulfed in flames. He rescued me just in time.

Joshua apologized but we didn’t have time to stand around and wait for me to recover. Joshua started pulling me toward the street. Kate, Matt, Jonas and Sherriff Pete were standing in the street waiting for us. We ran off towards Bear Country.

Our trip home to Bear Country was a dangerous one. The whole town was in a state of chaos. Fires were everywhere. It looked like the mail war all over again. People were running this way and that way. Fighting was everywhere. The injured, the dying and the dead covered the ground. I wanted to help but honestly I had no idea who were the good guys and who were the bad. Joshua wasn’t letting me stop anyway. He kept dragging me along encouraging me to move faster.

The whole thing didn’t make any sense at all. Yesterday everything was quiet. Anna was in total control. Followers of Aloysius were everywhere joyfully spreading the praises. Apparently, I had missed a lot while locked up in that room.

Journal Entry 148Everyone that resides in Bear Country is safe with the exception of Lisa, Tony and Victor.

Their whereabouts are unknown. The war continues outside but it’s dwindling fast. I think the only ones fighting are those people who have nothing left to do but fight. I think it’s a type of insanity. This war was probably larger than it needed to be. For some reason when battles like this break out people start running around and destroying everything in sight. It a free for all and it makes no sense. Gangs that have no beef with each other are suddenly fighting.

According to the radio and Daedalus, the war started on the south side of town near the industrial park. I have never been that far south so I really don’t know who lives there.

Daedalus said the gangs living in that area didn’t like having their territory invaded by strangers. As an unspoken rule, all of us have always stayed away from that area. According to Daedalus, Anna tried to excerpt her power and ended up with more resistance than she expected. I think Anna was a little too full of herself.

Bear Country successfully fought off invaders. We sent them packing with their tails between their legs. What idiots.

Journal Entry 149I slept like a rock last night. Everyone has retreated to his or her own room in Bear

Country. It felt good to sleep in my own bed. The front lobby looks like a war zone. The rubble left behind is disgusting. I’m not looking forward to the clean up.

I ran into Pete today he was on his way out to a gang meeting. I resisted the urge to ask if I could come along. Honestly, I didn’t want to go anyway.

I walked out to the Spurs Fort to meet with Joshua. I was going to follow him out to the Fort last night but Joshua insisted I stay at Bear Country. It’s sad; most of the Spurs Fort was destroyed by fire. The main house is still standing. Joshua lost several gang members in the fighting. The dead are gathered and awaiting burial. Joshua would prefer to bury his friends but the ground is still too hard. We were only able to dig a couple of inches. I think we are going to build a bon fire this evening instead. The Spurs left are trying to recover from Anna’s dirty deeds. Everyone has been working hard today in spite of the sadness. Poor Joshua, I can tell he is hurting. I can see it in his face. He is a true leader. He maintains self-control must better than I have ever been able to do.

I spent the afternoon trying to put things in order. I’ve been helping to gather up supplies, equipment and food. Joshua has spent most of the afternoon looking for his roaming cattle.

Chapter 16Journal Entry 150I am so tired. All my muscles ache. It has been a long day. The bon fire is huge. It will

probably burn until tomorrow or even the next day. The ceremony to say goodbye to the dead was lovely.

Kate and a few other people said poems or read letters of goodbye. Joshua did what any leader would do. He praised his dead friends by mentioning the good things they had accomplished with their lives.

Tonight we are sleeping under the stars. It’s a little chilly but the heat from the bonfire actually has things comfortable. I gathered up a good half dozen blankets and made a bed. Joshua went on a walk. He said he would be back shortly.

Joshua wanted to spend some time alone, to think. I’m thinking he is probably beating up a tree or something. He looks calm but I am thinking internally he is raging. I’m waiting with a hug. I know he needs it.

Journal Entry 151The night under the stars was a nice one, although I did wake up twice; Once because

Joshua was snoring in my ear and once because I had a feeling I was being watched or hovered over or something. I actually sat up expecting to see Tony standing before me. It was a very eerie feeling.

I spent the day with Matt, Hemy and Jonas looking around town for anyone who might know the whereabouts of Lisa, Victor or Tony. I would like to know if they are alive or dead. I especially want to know what happened to Tony. It bugs me that I don’t know what happened to him. I need to know. I want to know. Most of the people the four of us ran into were polite but a few people didn’t want to be bothered. They had their own problems to deal with. We

didn’t get any answers. Our friends have dropped off the face of the earth. Our last stop of the day was Hyatt’s Arcade. I think we had been his only customers for the day. The place had a ghost town feel. I half expected to see a tumbleweed roll across the floor. Hyatt gave the four of us a drink without expecting payment. We all talked for a little while and then said goodbye. Hyatt asked us to come back again. I like Hyatt.

When everything goes wrong, you know his establishment is going to be there.Journal Entry 152It has been more than a week since the disappearance of Lisa, Tony and Victor. It is

conceivable that they all died somewhere during the fighting or they all decided to walk away and start a new life somewhere else. I think I prefer to think that Lisa, Tony and Victor decided to start up a new life somewhere else. I don’t want to think about any of them dead especially, not Tony.

I have been spending my days at Bear Country and my nights at the Spurs Fort. Joshua would prefer I spend all of my time out at the Spurs Fort but I am having difficulty leaving the home that I founded.

Sheriff Pete is a fine leader. He is attempting to restore Bear Country back to her former glory. He has invited several new people to join Bear Country. At least a dozen strangers walk the halls.

I had almost forgotten that we hadn’t buried Gretchen and the baby. Their bodies still lie in wait in the green house. I helped dig a hole out behind the football field today so that we could have Gretchen and the baby’s funeral tomorrow. Marty and Cecelia spent most of the day in the greenhouse. I couldn’t go in. It was too depressing and creepy.

Journal Entry 153This day has really sucked.My plans were to wake up early so that I could attend the burial of Gretchen and the

baby. I spent the night at the Spurs Fort again. Joshua and I were up late. I don’t even know what time we went to bed. I didn’t make it to the funeral and I feel horrible.

Joshua and I arrived at Bear Country just as the ceremony was ending. Sheriff Pete walked up to me and made the comment that it was nice of me to drop by and show my respects. His comment stung because it was meant as a reprimand. I tried to apologize to Marty and Cecelia for being late but Pete grabbed my arm and asked me to leave them alone.

Joshua didn’t like the way Sheriff Pete grabbed me by my arm. Joshua shoved Pete. I stepped between them before either one had the chance to throw the first punch. It seems I have accidentally alienated most of my friends. I’m not even sure exactly what I did. People hate me and I don’t even know why.

Matt and Hemy suggested that I stay out at the Spurs Fort for a few days and let things cool down in Bear Country. Jonas just gave me a shrug and walked away. I went to grab a few things out of my room only to find it empty of my stuff. Everything I owned was stacked in the hallway.

Journal Entry 154I started yelling for anyone that would listen. I wanted to know who thought they had

the right to kick me out of my room. I was angry. Sheriff Pete was the first person up the stairs followed by Matt, Hemy and Jonas. Joshua kept trying to calm me down. If Joshua hadn’t been holding my right hand in his I would have punched Pete square in the nose.

Sheriff Pete was calm and didn’t seem distressed about my rant one small bit. Although, he was staying a good arms length away from my swing. Apparently, because Bear Country had a recent increase in gang members there was a shortage of vacant habitable rooms. Pete said since I was no longer the gang leader of Bear Country and since I had chosen not to take on a leadership role, I was being moved to a smaller room on the bottom floor. A family of four was going to use my room. Apparently, they needed the space and I didn’t.

It’s not that I wouldn’t have made the sacrifice and moved to the bottom floor but what I hate is that no one asked me. I deserved a little respect and a little warning. Hemy tried to make excuses by saying that I hadn’t been around to ask. Matt said the decision wasn’t made lightly. Jonas didn’t see what the big deal was at all.

I feel abandoned by my friends. Matt and Jonas would have still been wondering if I hadn’t invited them to join my gang in the first place. As for Pete, he probably wouldn’t be the leader of Bear Country if I hadn’t encouraged him to run for the office.

Journal Entry 155I had made a decision and I felt fine with it. My morning was going great. After a long

talk with Joshua last night, I made the decision to move into the Spurs Fort. There was nothing or no one holding me to Bear Country. At least that’s what I thought.

I bumped into Tony as I was carrying my stuff down the stairs. Joshua was outside in the wagon rearranging so that everything would fit.

I didn’t know what to say. I was totally at a loss for words. I stood there staring at him like an idiot. I wanted to hug him but my arms were full. Tony said nothing at first. He just gave me an evil smirked and pushed by me. I yelled at him to stop and I asked him where he had been. He didn’t answer so I asked again. Tony was angry. He jumped down a couple of steps until he was standing on the step just above the one I was standing on. Tony started yelling at me. He said he was amazed at how quickly I had forgotten about him and jumped to someone new. I didn’t just jump to someone new. I thought Tony was dead or gone or something. Tony wanted to hit me. I could see it in his eyes but instead he gives my shoulder a shove. It was enough to make me lose my balance. I didn’t fall but everything I was holding flew out of my arms and crashed down the stairs.

Before I knew what was happening Tony and Joshua were fighting. I tried to stop the fight but my two friends wouldn’t stop hitting each other. Sheriff Pete, Jonas and Marty ended up stopping the fight. Sheriff Pete sent Tony to his room and asked me to leave as quickly as possible.

Journal Entry 156I was up before the sun this morning. I haven’t been sleeping well. I can’t get Tony off

my mind. I feel bad. He hates me.On a lighter note, the funniest thing happened this morning. At least it was funny to me.

I was sitting in my rocking chair on the front porch day dreaming and drinking a cup of bad coffee. Joshua steps out on the porch wearing nothing but his jeans and an unbuttoned shirt. He wore no hat, no boots and no gun. His short curly hair is disarray. I had a sudden feeling of déjà vu. This had happened before. Only this time Joshua didn’t run back inside to make himself presentable. This time he hugs me, kisses me, takes a sip of my coffee and invites me back inside.

Journal Entry 157

Life is very busy here at the Spurs Fort. Joshua never takes a break. He is constantly going from sun up to sun down. I had to make him take a break yesterday to eat lunch. He would have worked straight thru if I hadn’t put up a fuss. I finally have everything unpacked and put away. It took forever. I have a lot of junk. I have moved into the room next-door to Joshua. Joshua wanted me to move my things into his room but I don’t think I am ready for that yet. I need a little room, a little space to retreat to that is all my own, although, I have yet to sleep in my own room. If truth be known, the only time I have actually spent in there is when I was organizing and putting my things away. In the evenings, Joshua likes to snuggle and I don’t have the energy to get up off his bed and go next door. The morning hours come way to quickly, it’s easier if I just stay put.

I am missing one of my diaries. I can’t find it anywhere. I think it might be in one of the drawers of the desk back home in Bear Country. I dread having to go back there but I need that journal. I wish I knew why everyone is mad at me. I suppose I could ask but truthfully, I am a little afraid of what the answer might be.

Journal Entry 158I like surprises. I was expecting today to be like yesterday and the day before. Joshua is

up nearly every day before the sun. He works so very hard. I was happily surprised to see him still laying next me when I woke. I watched him sleep for a good while. At least I thought he was sleeping. I was gently running my fingers thru the curls on his head when he asks if I was going to get up and make some coffee. I teased him by saying if he wanted coffee he could get up and make it himself. I also suggested that while he was up he make breakfast. We put coffee and breakfast on hold. We crawled out of bed around eleven.

After breakfast or rather lunch, Joshua gave me a riding lesson. I’m not very good. I can’t seem to get the horse to go in the desired direction. Joshua had a good laugh and spent most of the time leading the horse around.

Journal Entry 159I walked out to Bear Country with Kate in tow. Joshua had a list of things he wanted to

accomplish today especially since I kept him occupied all of yesterday. I’m not sure if Joshua had an actual list or if he just didn’t want to go to Bear Country with me. I think it’s probably the later.

After receiving specific instructions from Joshua, Kate was with me to keep me focused on the task. I was supposed to retrieve my lost journal and not fight with anyone inside of Bear Country. Things were going well until I entered the front doors. Tony was on his way out. I said “HI” trying to be friendly. Tony wasn’t interested in friendly. He pushed passed me and told me to go home. I turned around and followed him down the steps. I wanted him to wait and talk to me. I wanted to apologize. Tony wasn’t interested in my apology. He asked Kate to take me home and then ran down the street. I was going to follow but Kate wouldn’t let me go.

My journal was indeed in the desk drawer in my old room. It was a relief to get it back. Kate and I ran in to Sheriff Pete as we were leaving. Pete apologized for asking me to leave the other day. He was just trying to keep the peace. I asked if he knew why Tony was so angry with me. Pete looked at me and asked where I wanted him to start. The list apparently was long. I didn’t give Pete much of a chance to start naming off my misdeeds and lack of good judgments. I cut him off after he mentioned my track- record of switching men.

Chapter 17Journal Entry 160My mind can’t seem to rest. My mind is somewhere else but in the present. I was

helping Joshua rebuild a fence on the west side of the Spurs Fort. All I had to do was hold the blank in place. I kept letting it slip. This made Joshua a little peeved because he kept missing his mark to nail it in place. He fired me. Apparently, I was hindering his efforts to get the fence built.

Joshua has asked me more than a dozen times today if I am feeling all right. I told him I was feeling a little ill, which was a lie. I didn’t want to tell him that I was thinking about Tony. I doubt Joshua would appreciate the fact that my mind is filled with thoughts of another man. I wasn’t thinking romantic thoughts. I can’t let go of the fact that Tony hates me. I don’t want him to hate me. I feel as if our relationship needs some sort of closure. I have been debating with myself all day about going to Bear Country and trying to have a talk with Tony.

Journal Entry 161I walked around and around in the plaza today. I probably wasted a couple of hours. I

wasn’t looking for anything in particular to barter for. I was trying to decide if I should go to Bear Country to talk to Tony. I started walking towards Bear Country a couple of times before turning around and going back to the plaza for more browsing.

The plaza is bursting with life. It’s about time. I think that this year the number of people opening Kiosks and selling goods is going to be more than in the past. I found the perfect pair of shoes. Unfortunately, the kiosk owner refused to set them aside so that I could run home to the Spurs Fort and dig up payment. Another girl bought them just as I was walking away. Dang it!

The weather is finally warming. I was getting really tired of the cold weather. It has actually been nice for the past week or so. The sun brings people outside. When it’s cold most people stay indoors. The world in and around Bear Country doesn’t look so desolate when people are around and about. Our town is actually in shambles with broken buildings and trash everywhere. It’s unlivable in few places. When I was small and my parents were, still alive this town was so beautiful. Now it looks like a garbage heap.

Journal Entry 162We are putting in a garden to include flowers and vegetables. Kate said she has a friend

from one of the local farms that is going to donate seeds to us. Kate and I spent the day clearing out an area near the back fence. The area we picked

didn’t seem that large until we started clearing it out. I actually suggested we make it a little bigger. Kate thought the area mapped out was big enough. I’m glad we didn’t expand our boundaries because the more we worked the bigger the area we mapped out seemed to get.

My hands are so sore. I should have found some gloves from somewhere. I have blisters from the shovel I was using. I don’t want to see another rock. Every time I picked one out of the dirt, three more would appear in its place. I think they were reproducing to irritate me. We put all of the rocks in a pile. Joshua said they would come in handy later. I don’t know what he has planned for them but it must be something grand.

Journal Entry 163Kate is feeling blue. She is having boy issues. I know boy issues. I’ve had quite a few of

my own in the last few months. Poor Kate, she has been sulking most of the day. I went to get a

shovel for Joshua and found Kate drinking behind the shed. It was an odd place to be drinking. If I wanted to drink, I wouldn’t do it behind a shed. I’d lock myself in my room and drink there.

I asked Kate if I could do anything to help. She didn’t want my help. I asked Kate if she wanted to go for a walk. She didn’t want to go for a walk. I asked Kate if she wanted to talk about what was making her sad. She said a few words that I’m not going to repeat and asked me to go away. Therefore, I did.

Journal Entry 164I have had a horrible day. I am angry and sad. I want to crawl into bed and wish the

world away. Bear Country burned to the ground, there wasn’t anything we could do. By the time, everyone arrived from the Spurs Fort flames had engulfed the entire school. It was heartbreaking to see.

Most of the residents of Bear Country were huddled on the grass across the street. Sheriff Pete was giving orders and sending scouts around the perimeter of the school to look for the missing.

The school was a total loss. We all watched the buildings burn until midmorning. Joshua invited everyone out to the Spurs Fort. He said we would make room. I thought it was a nice gesture. I think Joshua was trying to make me feel better.

Sheriff Pete said goodbye to all of his new gang members. They all decided to find new homes elsewhere for a variety of reasons. I was able to convince Sheriff Pete, Matt, Hemy, JT, Evan, Marty, Cecelia, and Jonas to come and stay at the Spurs Fort. Tony refused to come. He is still mad at me.

Madie###

Author PageMarsha Loftis was born in Nashville, Tennessee. She spent her childhood moving from

place to place. Her father was in the Air Force. Before graduating from high School, she had lived on eight different military bases. After graduation, she followed her father's example and joined the Air Force. While stationed at Keesler Air Force Base she met her future husband Ken, in 1985 they married. Together they have raised five children.

Marsha has a degree in Business from Wayland Baptist University. She currently works as an Administrative Specialist in Safeguards and Security.