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Table of Contents – Ordered by Song Title.TABLE OF CONTENTS – ORDERED BY SONG TITLE......................................................................................................................................1

ALL THAT JAZZ – CHICAGO.....................................................................................................................................................................................2

ANOTHER NATIONAL ANTHEM – ASSASSINS...................................................................................................................................................3

CRIME OF THE CENTURY – RAGTIME.................................................................................................................................................................6

DON’T TELL MAMA – CABARET............................................................................................................................................................................7

GOD THAT’S GOOD – SWEENEY TODD...............................................................................................................................................................8

THE INTERNET IS FOR PORN – AVENUE Q......................................................................................................................................................11

MASQUERADE – PHANTOM OF THE OPERA..................................................................................................................................................13

AND THE MONEY KEPT ROLLING IN (AND OUT) – EVITA..........................................................................................................................15

MR. CLADWELL – URINETOWN.........................................................................................................................................................................16

MURDER, MURDER – JEKYLL AND HYDE........................................................................................................................................................17

A NEW ARGENTINA – EVITA..............................................................................................................................................................................19

THE NIGHT THAT GOLDMAN SPOKE AT UNION SQUARE – RAGTIME....................................................................................................20

PIRELLI’S MIRACLE ELIXIR – SWEENEY TODD.............................................................................................................................................22

RAINBOW TOUR – EVITA.....................................................................................................................................................................................24

RAZZLE DAZZLE – CHICAGO................................................................................................................................................................................26

RUN FREEDOM RUN – URINETOWN.................................................................................................................................................................27

DOWNTOWN (SKID ROW) –LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS..........................................................................................................................28

SOMETHING JUST BROKE – ASSSASSINS.........................................................................................................................................................30

TEXAS HAS A WHOREHOUSE IN IT – BEST LITTLE WHOREHOUSE IN TEXAS....................................................................................32

THE TIME WARP – ROCKY HORROR SHOW..................................................................................................................................................33

WE BOTH REACHED FOR THE GUN – CHICAGO.............................................................................................................................................34

HOT PATOOTIE (WHATEVER HAPPENED TO SATURDAY NIGHT?) – ROCKY HORROR SHOW.......................................................36

You Can’t Stop the Beat – Hairspray................................................................................................................................................................37

- 1 -

All that Jazz – Chicago [VELMA]Come on babeWhy don't we paint the town?And all that Jazz

I'm gonna rouge my kneesAnd roll my stockings downAnd all that jazz

Start the carI know a whoopee spotWhere the gin is coldBut the piano's hot

It's just a noisy hall Where there's a nightly brawlAnd all That Jazz

[COMPANY]Skidoo!

[VELMA]And all that Jazz

[COMPANY]Hotcha!Whoopee!

[VELMA]And all that Jazz

[COMPANY]Ha! Ha! Ha!

[VELMA]So lick your hairAnd wear your buckle shoesAnd all that Jazz

I hear that Father DipIs gonna blow the bluesAnd all that Jazz

Hold on, honWe're gonna bunny hugI bought some aspirin Down at United DrugI case you shake apart And want a brand new startTo do that-

[ROXIE]Jazz

[VELMA]Find a flaskWe're playing fast and loose

[ALL]And all that jazz

[VELMA]Right up hereIs where I store the juice

[ALL]And all that jazz

[VELMA]Come on, babeWe're gonna brush the skyI bet you luck LindyNever flew so high'Cause in the stratosphereHow could he lend an earto all that Jazz?

[VELMA]Oh, you're gonna see your sheba shimmy shake

[COMPANY]And all that jazz

[VELMA]Oh, she's gonna shimmy 'till her garters break

[COMPANY]And all that jazz

[VELMA]Show her where to park her girdleOh, her mother's blood'd curdle

[COMPANY]If she'd hear her baby's queerFor all that jazz

[VELMA]And all that jazz

And all that jazz

Come on babeWhy don't we paintThe town?And all that jazz

I'm gonnaRouge my kneesAnd roll myStockings downAnd all that jazz

Start the carI know a whoopee spotWhere the gin is coldBut the piano's hotIt's just a noisy hallWhere there's a nightly brawlAnd all that-

[COMPANY]jazz

[VELMA]No, I'm no one's wifeBut, Oh, I love my lifeAnd all that Jazz!

[COMPANY]That Jazz!

Another National Anthem – Assassins[CZOLGOSZ]

I did it because it was wrong for one man to have so much service when other men have none...

[BOOTH]

I did it to bring down the government of Abraham Lincoln and to avenge the ravaged South...

[HINCKLEY]

I did it to prove to her my everlasting love...

[FROMME]

I did it to make them listen to Charlie...

[ZANGARA]

I did it ‘cause my belly was on fire...

[GUITEAU]

I did it to preserve the Union and promote the sale of my book...

[MOORE]

I did it so my friends would know where I was coming from...

[BYCK]

Where’s my prize?

[CZOLGOSZ]

I did it because no one cared about the poor man’s pain...

[MOORE]

I did it so I’d know where I was coming from...

[BYCK]

I want my prize...

[ZANGARA]

I did it ‘cause the bosses made my belly burn...

[HINCKLEY]

I did it so she’d pay attention...

[MOORE]

So I’d have someplace to come from, and someplace to go...

[BYCK]

Don’t I get a prize?

[GUITEAU]

I did it ‘cause they said I’d be Ambassador to France...

[BOOTH]

I did it so they’d suffer in the North the way we’d suffered in the South...

[BYCK]

I deserve a fucking prize!

[FROMME]

I did it so there’d be a trial, and Charlie would get to be a witness, and he’d be on TV, and he’d save the world!

[GUITEAU]

Where’s my prize?

[BYCK]

I did it to make people listen.

[CZOLGOSZ, FROMME]

They promised me a prize...

[HINCKLEY]

Because she wouldn’t take my phone calls-

[ALL (Except Zangara)]

What about my prize?

[ZANGARA]

Because nothing stopped the fire-!

[ALL (Except Byck)]

I want my prize!

[BYCK]

Nobody would listen!

[BALLADEER]

And it didn’t mean a nickel,

You just shed a little blood,

And a lot of people shed a lot of tears.

Yes, you made a little moment

And you stirred a little mud-

But it didn’t fix the stomach

And you’ve drunk you’re drunk your final Bud,

And it didn’t help the workers

And it didn’t heal the country

And it didn’t make them listen

And they never said, “We’re sorry”-

[BYCK]

Yeah, it’s never gonna happen,

Is it?

No, sir-

[CZOLGOSZ]

Never.

[BYCK]

No, we’re never gonna get the prize-

[FROMME]

No one listens...

[BYCK]

Are we?

[ZANGARA]

Never.

[BYCK]

No, it doesn’t make a bit of difference,

Does it?

[OTHERS (Variously)]

Didn’t.

Ever.

[BYCK]

Fuck it!

[OTHERS]

Spread the word

[ALL]

Where’s my prize?

[BALLADEER]

I just heard

On the news

Where the mailman won the lottery.

Goes to show:

When you lose, what you do is try again.

You can be

What you choose,

From a mailman to a president.

There are prizes all around you,

If you’re wise enough to see:

The delivery boy’s on Wall Street,

And the usherette’s a rock star-

[BYCK]

Right! It’s never gonna happen, is it?

Is it!?

[HINCKLEY, FROMME]

No, man!

[BYCK, CZOLGOSZ]

No, we’ll never see the day arrive-

[ASSASSINS (Variously)]

Spread the word...

Will we?

No, sir-

Never!

No one’s ever even gonna care if we’re alive,

Are they?...

Never...

Spread the word...

We’re alive...

Someone’s gonna listen...

Listen!

[BYCK]

Listen...

There’s another national anthem playing,

Not the one you cheer

At the ball park.

[MOORE]

Where’s my prize?

[BYCK]

It’s the other national anthem, saying,

If you want to hear-

It says, “Bullshit!”

[CZOLGOSZ]

It says, “Never!”-

[GUITEAU]

It says, “Sorry!”-

[OTHERS]

Loud and clear-

[ASSASSINS (Variously)]

It says: Listen

To the tune that keeps sounding

In the distance, on the outside,

Coming through the ground,

To the hearts that go on pounding

To the sound

Getting louder every year-

Listen to the sound...

Take a look around...

We’re the other national anthem, folks,

The ones that can’t get in

To the ball park.

[GUITEAU]

Spread the word...

[ASSASSINS]

There’s another national anthem, folks,

For those who never win,

For the suckers, for the pikers,

For the ones who might have been...

[BALLADEER]

There are those who love regretting,

There are those who like extremes,

There are those who thrive on chaos

And despair.

There are those who keep forgetting

How the country’s built on dreams-

[ASSASSINS]

People listen...

[BALLADEER]

And the mailman won the lottery

[ASSASSINS]

They might not want to hear it,

But they listen,

Once they thinks it’s gonna stop the game...

[BALLADEER]

And the usherette’s a rock star.

[ASSASSINS]

No, they may not understand

All the words,

All the same

They hear the music...

They hear the screams...

[BALLADEER]

I’ve got news-

[ASSASSINS]

They hear the sobs,

They hear the drums...

[BALLADEER]

You forgot about the country

[ASSASSINS]

The muffled drums,

The muffled dreams...

[BALLADEER]

So it’s now forgotten you

[ASSASSINS]

And they rise...

[BYCK]

You know why I did it?

Because there isn’t any

Santa Claus!

[ASSASSINS]

Where’s my prize?

[BALLADEER]

And you forgot-

[ASSASSINS]

What’s my prize?

[BALLADEER]

How quick it heals

[ASSASSINS]

Promises and lies...

[BALLADEER]

That it’s a place

Where you can make the lies come true

[ASSASSINS]

Spread the word...

[BALLADEER]

If you try [ASSASSINS]

Gotta spread the word...

[BALLADEER]

That’s all you have to do

[ASSASSINS]

Right,

All you have to do...

Well, there’s another national anthem,

And I think it just began

In the ball park.

Listen hard...

Like the other national anthem

Say to each and every fan:

If you can’t do what you want to,

Then you do the things you can.

You’ve got to try again!

Like they say,

You’ve go to keep on trying

Every day

Until you get a prize...

Until you get a prize...

Until you’re heard...

Musn’t get discouraged...

Spread the word...

Mustn’t give up hope...

Up to you-

Don’t say-

What you choose...

It’s never gonna happen...

Spread the word...

[ALL]

You can always get a prize...

[BOOTH]

You can always get your dream...

[BYCK] Sure, the mailman won the lottery...

Crime of the Century – Ragtime [ALL]

(Whooping and hollering)

[JUDGE]

And now, testifying for the defense, Miss Evelyn Nesbit.

[EVELYN]

Hello Gentlemen! Whee!

[CHORUS GIRLS]

La la la la

La la la la la

[EVELYN]

Whee!

[CHORUS GIRLS]

La la la la

La la la la la

[EVELYN]

Your honor,

I was once the lady friend of Stanford White.

[CHORUS GIRLS]

He’s the famous architect!

[EVELYN]

Yes, that’s right.

He put me on a velvet swing,

And made me wear... well... hardly anything!

Ruined at the age of fifteen,

Your honor!

Then I went and married Mr. Harry Thaw...

[EVELYN & CHORUS GIRLS]

Eccentric millionaire.

[CHORUS GIRLS]

Oh! Oh!

[EVELYN]

Harry’s a jealous man.

[CHORUS GIRLS]

Bang! Bang!

[EVELYN]

That was the end of Stan.

[CHORUS GIRLS]

Boo hoo!

[EVELYN]

Your honor, be fair!

My Harry went crazy, I swear!

[CHORUS GIRLS]

La la la la la

[EVELYN and ALL]

Now it’s the

Crime of the Century!


Giving the world a thrill!

[EVELYN]

Harry’s in trouble

And Stanny’s in heaven

And Evelyn is in Vaudeville!

[EVELYN and ALL]

The Crime of the Century!


All for a youthful fling –

Fortune, fame

And a ruined name!

[EVELYN]

And now I’m the girl on the swing! Whee!

[YOUNGER BROTHER]

Mother’s Younger Brother was in love with Evelyn Nesbit. From his regular seat in the front row of the second balcony, he would lean far over the railing, hoping his goddess would notice him. One night he almost he almost fell. Evelyn caught sight of him and smiled. Life was suddenly wonderful and full of delicious possibilities.

[CHORUS GIRLS]

Oh! Oh!

[EVELYN]

Harry must not be hung!

[JUDGE]

Let’s have that verdict sung!

[CHORUS GIRLS]

Boo hoo!

[JURY FOREMAN]

Your honor we find

That Harry’s not guilty...

[EVELYN]

My Harry’s not guilty!

[ALL]

‘Cause Harry is out of his mind!

And it’s the Crime of the Century

Crime of the Century

Making the world go “whee”!

Harry’s in trouble

And Stanny’s in heaven

[EVELYN]

And Evelyn gets publicity!

[ALL]

The Crime of the Century,

Crime of the Century,

Not such an awful thing

[EVELYN]

Stanny’s killed,

But my mother’s thrilled

‘Cause now I’m the girl on the...

[ALL]

Now she’s the girl on the...

[EVELYN]

Now I’m the girl...

[ALL]

On the swing!

[EVELYN]

Whee!

Don’t Tell Mama – Cabaret [SALLY]MamaThinks I'm living in a convent,A secluded little conventIn the southern part of France.

MamaDoesn't even have an inklingThat I'm working in a NightclubIn a pair of Lacy pants.So please, sir.If you run into my Mama,Don't reveal my indiscretion,Give a working girl a chance.

Hush up, Don't tell Mama,Shush up,Don't tell Mama...Don't tell Mama,Whatever you do.If you had a secret,You bet I would keep it.I would never tell on you.I'm breaking every promise That I gave her,So won't you kindly do a girlA great big favor?And please, my sweet patater,Keep this from the Mater,Though my dance Is not against the law.

You can tell my Papa, that's all right,'Cause he comes in here every night,But don't tell Mama what you saw!

[ALL]

MamaThinks I'm on a tour of Europe,With a couple of my school chumsAnd a lady chaperone.

MamaDoesn't even have an inklingThat I left them all in AntwerpAnd I'm touring on my own.

So please, SirIf you run into my MamaDon't reveal my indiscretion.

[SALLY]Just leave well enough alone.

Hush up,

[ALL]Don't tell Mama.

[SALLY]Shush up,

[ALL]Don't tell Mama;Don't tell MamaWhatever you do.

[SALLY]If you had a secret,You bet I would keep it.

[ALL]I would never tell on you.You wouldn't want to get meIn a pickle,

[SALLY]And have her go and cut me offWithout a nickle.

[ALL]So let's trust one another,Keep this from my mother,Though I'm still as pure as mountain snow.

[SALLY]You can tell my Uncle Here and now'Cause he's my agent anyhow,

[KIT KAT GIRLS]But don't tell Mama what you know.

[SALLY]You can tell my brother, That ain't grim'Cause if her squeals on meI'll squeal on him,

[ALL]But don't tell Mama, bitteDon't tell Mama, please, Sir.Don't tell Mama, what you know.

[GIRLS]Sssh!Sssh!

[SALLY]If you see my, Mummy,Mum's the word!

God That’s Good – Sweeney Todd[TOBY]

Ladies and gentlemen

May I have your attention, please?

Are your nostrils aquiver and tingling as well at that delicate, luscious, ambrosial smell?

Yes, they are, I can tell.

Well, ladies and gentlemen

That aroma enriching the breeze,

Is like nothing compared to its succulent source

As the gourmets among you will tell you, of course.

Ladies and gentlemen you can’t imagine the rapture in store,

Just inside of this door!

There, you’ll sample Mrs. Lovett’s meat pies. Savory and sweet pies, as you’ll see.

You who eat pies Mrs. Lovett’s meat pies conjure up the treat pies used to be!

[CUSTOMERS]

Over here, boy. How about some ale?

Let me have another, laddie!

Could we have some service?

Could we have some service, waiter?

What about that pie boy?

[TOBY]

Ladies and gentlemen-

[MRS. LOVETT]

Toby!

[TOBY]

Coming, excuse me

[MRS. LOVETT]

Ale there!

[TOBY]

Right, Ma’am!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Quick, now!

[CUSTOMERS]

God, that’s good!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Nice to see you, dearie. How have you been keeping? Cor, me bones is weary!

Toby! One for the gentlemen.

Hear the birdies cheeping

Helps to keep it cheery

Toby! Throw the old woman out!!

[CUSTOMERS]

God, that’s good!

[MRS. LOVETT]

What’s your pleasure, dearie?

No, we don’t cut slices.

Cor, me eyes is bleary!

Toby! None for the gentlemen!

I could up me prices. I’m a little leery.

Business couldn’t be better, though.

[CUSTOMERS]

God, that’s good!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Knock on wood

[SWEENEY TODD]

Psst!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Excuse me

[SWEENEY TODD]

Psst!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Dear, see to the customers.

[SWEENEY TODD]

Psst!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Yes, what, love? Quick, though, the trade is brisk.

[SWEENEY TODD]

But it’s six ‘o’ clock

[MRS. LOVETT]

So it’s six ‘o’ clock?

[SWEENEY TODD] (overlapping)

It was due to arrive at a quarter to five and it’s six ‘o’ clock!

[MRS. LOVETT] (overlapping Sweeney’s last line)

...And it’s probably already down the block! It’ll be here! It’ll be here!

[SWEENEY TOOD] (overlapping)

I’ve been waiting all day!

It should have here by now!

[CUSTOMERS] (overlapping)

More hot Pies!

[MRS. LOVETT] (overlapping)

Will you wait there coolly?


You’ll come back when it comes?


....’Cause my customers truly, are getting unruly and-- What’s your pleasure, dearie?

Whoops! I beg Your pardon!

Just me hands is smeary.

Toby! Run for the gentlemen!

Don’t you love the garden? Always makes me teary. Must be one of them foreigners.

[CUSTOMERS]

God, that’s good, that is delicious!

[MRS. LOVETT]

What’s my secret? Frankly, dear, forgive my candor. Family secret , all to do with herbs.

Things like bein’ careful with your coriander, that’s what makes the gravy grander.

[CUSTOMERS]

More hot pies! More hot! More pies!

[SWEENEY TODD]

Psst!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Excuse me.

[SWEENEY TODD]

Psst!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Dear, see to the customers.

[SWEENEY TODD]

Psst!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Yes, what, love? Quick, though, the trade is brisk.

[SWEENEY TODD]

But, it’s here!

[MRS. LOVETT]

It’s where?

[SWEENEY TODD]

Coming up the stair.

[MRS. LOVETT]

I’ll get rid of this lot as they’re still pretty hot and then I’ll be there!


It’s about to be opened or don’t you care?


I’ll be there! I’ll be there! But They’ll never be sold if they get cold.

[SWEENEY TODD]

But we have to prepare!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Incidentally, dearie. You know Mrs. Mooney. Sales have been so dreary

Toby! Poor thing is penniless. What about that loony. Lookin’ sort of beery.

Oh well, got her come-uppance and that’ll be thruppence and …

[CUSTOMERS] (overlapping lines sung as one line)

God, that’s good. That is “de” have you “licious” ever tasted smelled such

Oh my god what more, that’s pies good!

[SWEENEY TODD/MRS. LOVETT]

Oo-oo-oo. Oo-oo-oo.

Is that a chair fit for a king? A wondrous, neat, and most particular chair?


It’s gorgeous! It’s Gorgeous!

[SWEENEY TODD]

You tell me where is there a seat can half compare with this particular thing!


It’s Perfect! It’s Gorgeous!

[SWEENEY TODD]

I have a few minor adjustments to make.


You make your few minor adjustments.


They’ll take a moment I’ll call you.


You take your time I’ll go see to the customers.

[SWEENEY TODD]

I have another friend!

[TOBY]

Is that a pie fit for a king? A wondrous sweet and most particular thing?


It’s gorgeous! It’s gorgeous!

[TOBY]

You see, Ma’am, why there is no meat pie can compete with this delectable pie.


It’s perfect! It’s gorgeous!

[TOBY]

The crust all velvety and wavy.


The crust all velvety and wavy.

[TOBY]

That glaze, those crimps.


That glaze, those crimps

[TOBY] (overlapping)

And then the thick, succulent gravy.

[MRS. LOVETT]

And then the thick, succulent gravy.


And now to test...This best of barber chairs. It’s time, it’s time!


One whiff, one glimpse.


So rich, so thick, it makes you sick.


So tender that you surrender

[SWEENEY TODD]

Psst!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Excuse me

[SWEENEY TODD]

Psst!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Dear see to the customers

[SWEENEY TODD]

Psst!

[MRS. LOVETT]

All set love?

[SWEENEY TODD]

Quick now!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Me hearts a flutter!

[SWEENEY TODD]

When I pound the floor....

[MRS. LOVETT]

....When you pound the floor...

[SWEENEY TODD]

...its the signal to show that I’m ready to go


Yes, you told me before. You’ll be ready to go when you pound the floor.

Will you trust me?! Will you trust me?!


I just want to be sure. When I’m certain you’re in place I’ll pound three times.

Three times. And then you....?

[MRS. LOVETT]

*Clang! Clang!*

[SWEENEY TODD]

Three Times!

[MRS. LOVETT]

*Clang! Clang! Clang!*

[SWEENEY TODD]

If You-!

[MRS. LOVETT]

*Clang! Clang! Clang!*

[SWEENEY TODD]

Exactly!

[CUSTOMERS]

More hot pies!

[MRS. LOVETT]

God!

[CUSTOMERS]

More hot more pies!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Right!

[CUSTOMERS]

More pies!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Wait!!!

*Clang Clang Clang*

[SWEENEY TODD]

*Clang Clang Clang*

(There is the sound of a body hitting the floor.)

[CUSTOMERS]

More hot pies!

More hot more pies!

More! Hot! Pies!

[MRS. LOVETT/TOBY]

Eat them slow and feel the crust how thin

I/she rolled it. Eat them slow ‘cause every one’s a prize. Eat them slow ‘cause

That’s the lot and now we sold it. Come again tomorrow!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Hold It!

[CUSTOMERS]

More hot pies!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Bless my eyes!

[SWEENEY TODD] (spoken)

Right this way, sir.

[MRS. LOVETT]

Fresh supplies!

How about it, dearie?

[TOBY]

Is that a pie fit for a king...


Be here in a twinkling!


A wondrous sweet...


Just confirms my theory


...and most delectable thing?


Toby! God watches over us. Didn’t have an inkling. Positively eerie.


You see why there’s no meat pie--

[MRS. LOVETT]

Toby! Throw the old woman out!

[CUSTOMERS] (overlapping lines sung as one line)

God that’s good. that is “delicious” have you ever tasted smelled such Oh my God what perfect, more, that’s pies good! God that’s good!

The Internet Is For Porn – Avenue Q[KATE] (spoken)

Finally I get to teach a whole lesson all by myself! And I’m going to teach something relevant, something modern! The Internet!

The Internet is really really great!

[TREKKIE MONSTER]

For porn!

[KATE]

I’ve got a fast connection so I don’t have to wait!

[TREKKIE]

For porn!

[KATE]

What?

There’s always some new site,

[TREKKIE]

For porn!

[KATE]

I browse all day and night

[TREKKIE]

For porn!

[KATE]

It’s like I’m surfing at the speed of light!

[TREKKIE]

For porn!

[KATE]

Trekkie!

[TREKKIE]

The Internet is for porn

[KATE]

Trekkie!

[TREKKIE]

The Internet is for porn,

[KATE]

What are you doing!?

[TREKKIE]

Why you think the net was born?

Porn porn porn!

[KATE]

Trekkie!

[TREKKIE]

Oh, hello, Kate Monster!

[KATE]

You are ruining my song.

[TREKKIE]

Oh me sorry, me no mean to.

[KATE]

Well if you wouldn’t mind please being quiet for a minute so I can finish?

[TREKKIE]

Okie dokie!

[KATE]

Good!

I’m glad we have this new technology

[TREKKIE]

For porn

[KATE]

Which gives us untold opportunity

[TREKKIE]

For por -- oops, sorry

[KATE]

Right from you own desktop

[TREKKIE]

For –

[KATE]

You can research browse and shop

Until you’ve had enough and you’re ready to stop

[TREKKIE]

FOR PORN!!

[KATE]

Trekkie!

[TREKKIE]

The Internet is for porn!

[KATE]

Noooo

[TREKKIE]

The internet is for porn!

[KATE]

Trekkie!

[TREKKIE]

Me up all night honking me horn to porn, porn, porn!

[KATE]

That’s gross! You’re a pervert!

[TREKKIE]

Ah, sticks and stones Kate monster.

[KATE]

No, really, you’re a pervert!

Normal people don’t sit at home and look at porn on the internet

[TREKKIE]

Ohhhh?

[KATE]

What?!

[TREKKIE]

You have no idea!

Ready normal people?

[BRIAN, GARY and PRINCETON]

Ready! Ready! Ready!

[TREKKIE]

Let me hear it!

[TREKKIE and GUYS]

The Internet is for porn!

[PRINCETON]

Sorry Kate!

[TREKKIE and GUYS]


[PRINCETON]

I masturbate!

[TREKKIE and GUYS]

All these guys unzip their flies

For porn, porn, porn!

[KATE]

The internet is not for porn!!

[TREKKIE and GUYS]

PORN!, PORN, P---

[KATE]

HOLD ON A SECOND!

Now I know for a fact that you, Rod, check your portfolio and trade stocks online.

[ROD]

That’s correct.

[KATE]

And Brian, you buy things on Amazon.com

[BRIAN]

Sure!

[KATE]

And Gary, you keep selling your possessions on eBay.

[GARY]

Yes I do!

[KATE]

And Princeton, you sent me that sweet online birthday card.

[PRINCETON]

True!

[TREKKIE]

Oh, but Kate-

What you think he do ... after? Hmm?

[PRINCETON]

...yeah

[KATE]

EEEWWWWW!

[TREKKIE and GUYS]


[KATE]

Gross!

[TREKKIE and GUYS]


[KATE]

I hate porn!

[TREKKIE and GUYS]

Grab your dick and double click

[KATE]

I hate men!

[TREKKIE and GUYS] (harmonizing)

For porn, porn, porn!

porn, porn, porn, porn

[KATE]

I’m leaving!

[TREKKIE and GUYS]

Porn, porn, porn, porn

porn, porn, porn, porn

[KATE]

I hate the internet!

[TREKKIE and GUYS]

Porn, porn, porn, porn

[TREKKIE]

The internet is for

[TREKKIE and SOME]

The internet is for

[TREKKIE and ALL]

The internet is for PORN!

[TREKKIE]

YEAH!

Masquerade – Phantom of the Opera(M. ANDRE enters.He is dressed as a skeleton in an opera cape. Almostimmediately M. FIRMIN arrives.He is also dressedas a skeleton in an opera cape. The two skeletons see each other and approach nervously)[ANDRE]M’sieur Firmin?[FIRMIN]M’sieur Andre?(Each raises his mask to the other. They recognize eachother.)[FIRMIN]Dear Andre

what a splendid party![ANDRE]The prologueto a bright new year!

[FIRMIN]Quite a night!

I’m impressed![FIRMIN]Well, one doesone’s best . . .

[ANDRE/FIRMIN] (raising their glasses)Here’s to us![FIRMIN]I must say, all the same, thatit’s a shame that ‘Phantom’

fellow isn’t here![ALL]Masquerade!Paper faces on parade

Masquerade!Hide your face,

so the world will

never find you!

Masquerade!Every face a different shade . . .

Masquerade!Look around -

there’s anothermask behind you!

Flash of mauveSplash of puce

Fool and kingGhoul and goose

Green and black Queen and priest

Trace of rougeFace of beast

FacesTake your turn, take a ride

on the merry-go-round Iin an inhuman race

Eye of goldThigh of blue

True is falseWho is who?

Curl of lipSwirl of gown

Ace of heartsFace of clown

FacesDrink it in, drink it up,

‘til you’ve drownedIn the light

In the sound[RAOUL/CHRISTINE]But who can name the face?[ALL]Masquerade!Grinning yellows,

spinning reds Masquerade!

Take your fill -

Let the spectacleastound you!

Masquerade!Burning glances,

turning heads . . .Masquerade!

Stop and stareat the sea of smiles

around you!Masquerade!

Seething shadowsbreathing lies

Masquerade!You can fool

any friend whoever knew you!

Masquerade!Leering satyrs,

peering eyes Masquerade!Run and hide -

but a face willstill pursue you!

(The ENSEMBLE activity becomes background, as ANDRE, FIRMIN, MEG, GIRY, PIANGI and CARLOTTAcome to the fore, glasses in hand)[GIRY]What a night

[MEG]What a crowd!

[ANDRE]Makes you glad!

[FIRMIN]Makes you proud!

All the cremede la creme!

[CARLOTTA]Watching us watching them!

[MEG/GIRY]And all our fearsare in the past!

[ANDRE]Six months...

[PIANGI]Of relief!

[CARLOTTA]Of delight!

[ANDRE/FIRMIN]Of Elysian peace!

[MEG/GIRY]And we can breathe at last!

[CARLOTTA]No more notes!

[PIANGI]No more ghost!

[GIRY]Here’s a health!

[ANDRE]Here’s a toast:

to a prosperous year![FIRMIN]To the new chandelier![PIANGI/CARLOTTA]And may itssplendor never fade!

[FIRMIN]Six months!

[GIRY]What a joy!

[MEG]What a change!

[FIRMIN/ANDRE]What a blessed release!

[ANDRE]And what a masquerade!

(They clink glasses and move off RAOUL andCHRISTINE emerge. She is admiring a new acquisition: an

engagement ring from RAOUL, which she has attached to a gold chain around her neck.)[CHRISTINE]Think of it!

A secret engagement!Look - your future bride!

Just think of it![RAOUL]But why is it secret?What have we to hide?

[CHRISTINE]Please, let’s not fight

[RAOUL]Christine, you’re free!

[CHRISTINE]Wait till the time is right

[RAOUL]When will that be?

It’s an engagement,not a crime!

Christine,What are you

afraid of?[CHRISTINE]Let’s not argue[RAOUL]Let’s not argue[CHRISTINE]Please pretend[RAOUL]I can only hope I’ll[CHRISTINE]You will[BOTH]understandin time

(Dance section, in which CHRISTINE, almostcoquettish almost jittery, goes from man to man. But too many of

her partners seem to be replicas of thePHANTOM, and each spins her with increasing force.Eventually RAOUL rescues her and holds her tightly. He whirls her back into the dance, as the music headstowards its climax.)[ALL]Masquerade!

Paper faces on parade!Masquerade!

Hide your face,so the world will

never find you!Masquerade!

Every face a different shade!Masquerade!

Look around -There’s another

mask behind you!Masquerade!

Burning glances,turning heads . . .

Masquerade!Stop and stare

at the sea of smilesaround you!

Masquerade!Grinning yellows,

spinning reds . . .Masquerade!

Take your fill -let the spectacle

astound you!(The Phantom’s theme begins to play as he descends the stairs)

And the Money Kept Rolling In (And Out) – Evita[CHE]

Forgive my intrusion, but as fine as those sentiments sound

Little has changed for us peasants down here on the ground

I hate to seem churlish, ungrateful, I don’t like to moan

But do you now represent anyone’s cause but your own?

[EVA]

Everything done will be justified by my foundation!

[CHE]

And the money kept rolling in from every side

Eva’s pretty hands reached out and they reached wide

Now you may feel it should have been a voluntary cause

But that’s not the point my friends

When the money keeps rolling in, you don’t ask how

Think of all the people guaranteed a good time now

Eva’s called the hungry to her, open up the doors

Never been a fund like the Foundation Eva Peron

[WORKERS]

Rollin’ rollin’ rollin’, rollin’ rollin’ rollin’




[CHE and WORKERS]

Rollin’ on in, rollin’ on in


On in

[CHE]

Would you like to try a college education?

Own your landlord’s house, take the family on vacation?

Eva and her blessed fund can make your dreams come true

Here’s all you have to do my friends

Write your name and your dream on a card or a pad or a ticket

Throw it high in the air and should our lady pick it

She will change your way of life for a week or even two

Name me anyone who cares as much as Eva Peron

[WORKERS]

Rollin’ on out, rollin’ on out


On out

[CHE]

And the money kept rolling out in all directions

To the poor, to the weak, to the destitute of all complexions

Now cynics claim a little of the cash has gone astray

But that’s not the point my friends

When the money keeps rolling out you don’t keep books

You can tell you’ve done well by the happy grateful looks

Accountants only slow things down, figures get in the way

Never been a lady loved as much as Eva Peron

[WORKERS]



On out

[CHE]

Eva!!!

If the money keeps rolling in what’s a girl to do?

Cream a little off the top for expenses--wouldn’t you?

But where on Earth can people hide their little piece of Heaven?

Thank God for Switzerland!

Where a girl and a guy with a little petty cash between them

Can be sure when they deposit no-one’s seen them

Oh what bliss to sign your checks as three-o-one-two-seven

Never been accounts in the name of Eva Peron!

[WORKERS]




On in!

Mr. Cladwell – Urinetown[CLADWELL]I saw gray skies, foreboding and cold!I saw gray skies and made them rain gold!Now those skies aren’t so bleak to behold!They’re still grayBut they payFor your sal’ries tenfold!I took this town that formerly stank!I took this town and made it smell swank!I made flushing mean flush at the bank!I’m the man with the planAnd so whom should you thank?[MCQUEEN]Whom?[CHORUS]Mister CladwellWe’re so thankfulFor that bank full of dough!You’re a toreadorAnd it’s cash that you gore!Could we hope for much more?We really doubt it![CLADWELL]You may be right there![CHORUS]Mister CladwellYou’ve got richesWhich is just what we need!We sayHail to you, the Duke of the ducats![CLADWELL]I can bring in bucks by the buckets![CHORUS]You’re the master

You’re making money![CLADWELL]Faster still than bees making honey![CHORUS]You’re Mister Cladwell![HOPE]Gosh Daddy, I never realized large, monopolizing corporations could besuch a force for good in the world.[CLADWELL]Few do.[MCQUEEN]All those coinsThat we take from the throngEnd up hereWhere those coins all belongLots of coinsMake our company strong!CladwellCharging feesAs we pleaseIs our right - it’s not wrong![MCQUEEN]We’re not greedy as some make us seemWe need funds for our big research team[DR. BILLEAUX]Men in lab coats and test tubes with steam![CLADWELL AND MCQUEEN]What it showsNo one knowsBut, hey, still we can dream![MCQUEEN]Of![CHORUS]Mister CladwellFinding answersCuring cancers

Of doubt!Your ambitions are highBut you’reHumble as pie!What a wonderful guy!We simply love you![HOPE] (overlapping)Da-Da, DaDa, Da, DaddyThat’s my Dad!DaddyDaddyThat’s my DaddyAnd I simplyLove you![CLADWELL]You’re making me blush now![CHORUS]Mister CladwellYou’re so godly!Oddly perfect and right![MEN]You are continental, yetUnpretentious![WOMEN]Fancy-free, yet so conscientious![MEN]Wise but trendy, tough as a mountain![CHORUS]Goodness flows from you like a fountain!You’re mister, you’re mister -CladwellCladwell![CHORUS]Cladwell!

Murder, Murder – Jekyll and Hyde [NEWSBOY] (spoken)

Standard! London! Murder! Murder!

General Glossup killed on the steps of St. Paul’s Cathedral!

[A MAN]

Look at this, another murder,

Just like the other murder!

That’s poor old General Glossop, dead!

Last week the bishop copped it!

The bloke what done it ‘opped it!

[A BOY]

That feller must be off ‘is ‘ead!

[ANOTHER CROWD MEMBER]

That’s two in the last four days!

This killer has fancy ways!

[A FOURTH]

To kill outside St. Paul’s

Requires a lotta balls!

[A FIFTH]

He hates the upper class!

[A SIXTH]

He must be on ‘is arse!

[CROWD]

Who could he be?

[THE BOY]

Don’t look at me!

[LADY ONE]

What a shame about General Glossup

[LADY TWO]

I hear there’s a lot of gossip

[LADY THREE]

Although it didn’t come from me.

[LADY ONE]

Of course not.

[LADY TWO]

Of course not.

[LADY THREE]

What about the poor old Bishop?

That dreadful dirt they dish up.

[LADY ONE]

Do you think it’s true?

[LADY TWO]

It well could be.

[LADY THREE]

Imagine!

[LADY ONE]

Fancy!

[LADY TWO]

Really!

[LADY THREE AND LADY ONE]

I say that it goes to show

Some people we think we know,

Aren’t all they might appear

[LADY TWO]

How right you are my dear.

[CROWD]

It’s such a shocking thing,

But awfully interesting.

Who could it be?

Well now we’ll see!

Murder, murder -

Doin’ folks in -

Murder, murder -

Is the worst sin!

Murder, murder -

Has me screamin’

“Bloody murder

In the night!”

Murder, murder -

Makes me blood thin!

Murder, murder -

Makes me ‘ead spin!

Murder, murder -

Starts me drinkin’!

“Bloody murder

In the night!”

[UPPER and LOWER CRUST ON THE STREET]

London has this killer on the loose!

Or a gang!

Either way---let them hang!

Gotta get his head inside a noose!

[WOMAN 1]

Right away!

[WOMAN 2]

The police are no use!

[WOMAN 3]

Maybe his nerve will fail him!

[MAN 1]

They must go out go out an’ nail ‘em!

[MAN 2]

They’ve gotta trail and jail him now!

[STREET PEOPLE]

Murder!

No matter who we’re blamin’

Till they pull wot’s-’is-name in,

There’s gonna be one flamin’

row!

Murder, murder -

It’s a curse, man!

Murder, murder -

It’s perverse, man!

Murder, murder -

Nothing’s worse than

Bloody murder

In the night!

[FIRST NEWSBOY]

Read about the worst two murders - !

[SECOND NEWSBOY]

Much worse than the first two murders!

[CROWD]

That makes it murders three and four!

[WOMEN]

They’ve murdered dear old Bessie!

I hear extremely messy! -

[WOMAN 3]

And poor old Archie is no more! -

[ALL]

That’s four in the last eight days!

It’s London’s latest craze!

[WOMEN]

This time ‘e was in Park Lane!

[SECOND NEWSBOY]

An’ ‘e may come back again!

[CROWD]

Until the killer’s found,

There’s danger all around!

[WOMEN]

What can we do?

[CROWD]

We wish we knew!

[ALL]

Murder, murder -

Once there’s one done -

Murder, murder -

Can’t be undone!

Murder, murder -

Lives in London! -

Bloody murder

In the night!

[YOUNG BISHOP]

Sweet death has taken this brave man from us

Sweet death has raised his score to five

Friends take what comfort that you can from us

Thank God us lot are still alive.

God in Heaven, now, forever,

Take him home and hold him near

[YOUNG BISHOP and MOURNERS]

God in Heaven, now, forever,

Take him home and leave us lot here.

[STREET PEOPLE] (Variously)

Catching such a madman could be hard!

[WOMAN 1]

Shouldn’t be!

[WOMAN 2]

I agree!

[WOMAN 3]

We shall see!

[STREET PEOPLE]

‘cause there all so thick at Scotland Yard!

[MAN 1]

Telling me!

[MAN 2]

I agree!

[STREET PEOPLE]

So do we!

He’ll kill us if we let ‘em!

They gotta go and get him!

[MAN 3]

I know a way to net him!

[MAN 2]

HOW?

[STREET PEOPLE]

Murder!

No matter who we blamin’

‘Til they get wos-’is-name in

There’s gonna be one flaming row!

Murder, Murder!

On our doorstep!

Murder Murder!

So watch your step!

Murder Murder!

Take one more step

You’ll be murdered

In the night!

Murder, Murder!

Once there’s one done.

Murder Murder!

Can’t be undone!

Murder Murder!

Lives in london!

Bloody murder in the night!

Murder!

A New Argentina – Evita [PERON]Dice are rolling, the knives are outWould be presidents are all around

I don’t say they mean harm, but they’d each give an arm

To see us six feet under ground[EVA]It doesn’t matter what those morons say

Our nation’s leaders are a feeble crewThere’s only twenty of them anyway

What is twenty next to millions whoAre looking to you?

All you have to do is sit and waitKeeping out of everybody’s way

We’ll--you’ll be handed power on a plate

When the ones who matter have their say

And with chaos installedYou can reluctantly agree to be called

[PERON]There again we could be foolish

Not to quit while we’re aheadFor distance lends enchantment

And that is whyAll exiles are distinguished

More important they’re not deadI could find job satisfaction

In Paraguay[EVA]This is crazy defeatist talkWhy commit political suicide?

There’s no risk, there’s no callFor any action at all

When you have unions on your side[MOB]Peron! Peron! Peron! Peron![CHE]

A new Argentina!

The chains of the masses untied!A new Argentina!

The voice of the people cannot be denied!

[EVA]There is only one man who can lead any workers’ regimeHe lives for your problems, he shares your idealsand your dreams

He supports you for he loves you, understands you,

Is one of you!If not--how could he love me?

[MOB]A new Argentina!

The workers’ battle song!A new Argentina!

The voice of the people rings out loud and long!

[EVA]Now I am a worker I’ve suffered the way that you doI’ve been unemployed and I’ve starved and I’ve hated it tooBut I found my salvation in Peron--may the nationLet him save them as he saved me!

[CHE]A new Argentina!

A new age about to begin!A new Argentina!

We face the world together and no dissent within

[CHE]It’s annoying that we have to fight elections for their causeThe inconvenience--having to get a majority.

If normal methods of persuasion fail to win us applauseThere are other ways of establishing authority[THUGS]We have ways of making you vote for us, or at least of making you abstain.

[EVA]Peron has resigned from the army and this we avowThe descamisados are those he is marching with now!He supports you for he loves you, understands you,Is one of you

If not--how could he love me?[ALL]A new Argentina!The chains of the masses untied!

A new Argentina!The voice of the people cannot be, and must not be, denied![CHE]How annoying that they have to fight elections for their cause

The inconvenience –having to get a majority.

If normal methods of persuasion fail to win them applause

There are other ways of establishing authority

[ALL]A new Argentina!

The chains of the masses untied!A new Argentina!

The voice of the people cannot be, and will not be,

and must not be, denied!

The Night That Goldman Spoke at Union Square – Ragtime (crowd cheering and shouting)[EMMA GOLDMAN]I have just arrived from Lawrence, Massachusetts where, eight weeks ago, the workers there went on strike. They are starving, their children are dying but they are holding firm and we must support them![YOUNGER BROTHER]It was winter in New YorkAs the snow began to fall.

And the workmen’s hall had not a seat to spare.When the young man stepped inside,

Just to warm himself, was all,The night that Goldman spoke at Union Square.

[EMMA]What is happening in Lawrence is happening everywhere. Let us at last make this the land of opportunity for all people, not just the owners. The land of opportunity for Tateh and his little girl. We cannot rest!

[YOUNGER BROTHER]She was speaking loud and fast

Through a haze of noise and heatAnd the smell of sweat and anger in the air.

The police were standing byBut the crowd was on its feet

The night that Goldman spoke at Union Square.[EMMA]You![YOUNGER BROTHER]He thought he heard her say...[EMMA]What brings you here today?[EMMA, RALLYERS]Poor young rich boy![EMMA]Masturbates for a Vaudeville tart!What a waste of a fiery heart,

Dear![YOUNGER BROTHER]He thought she said...[EMMA, RALLYERS]

Poor young bourgeois!

[EMMA]There are things that you’ve never thought.

Come to Emma and you’ll be taughtHere!

[YOUNGER BROTHER]His head was spinning!

[EMMA, RALLYERS]People feathered and tarred, my friend.

Unions broken and why for?Children laboring, women still enslaved!

Leave your little backyard my friend.There are causes to die for!

[RALLYERS]Strike!

[YOUNGER BROTHER]In the gutters of the city

I have tried to find some meaning.[RALLYERS]Strike![YOUNGER BROTHER]In the arms of fallen women.In the thought of suicide.

[RALLYERS]Strike!

[YOUNGER BROTHER, EMMA]Like a firework unexploded,

Wanting life but neverknowing how...

[EMMA]My brother,

Life had meaningI’ll show you how!

[YOUNGER BROTHER]‘Til now!

[EMMA]My brother, you are

With us now![RALLYERS]

Strike!

[YOUNGER BROTHER]He was calling out her name,

Shouting what, he did not knowAnd he found that he was standing on a chair

With a heart as clean and newAs the freshly fallen snow,

The night that Goldman spoke...[EMMA]I’ve been waiting for you.[YOUNGER BROTHER]At Union Square.[WORKERS] (repeated until it turns into a melee)Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike![ORGANIZER]Put the children on the train! Get them out of here![TATEH]I hate you, goddamned America![LITTLE GIRL]Tateh! Tateh! Tateh! Tateh! Tateh! Tateh!

Pirelli’s Miracle Elixir – Sweeney Todd[TOBIAS]Ladies and Gentlemen!May I have your attention please?Do you wake every morning in shame and despairTo discover your pillow is covered with hair,What ought not to be there?Well, ladies and gentlemen,From now on you can waken with ease.You need never again have a worry or care,I will show you a miracle marvelous rare,Gentlemen, you are about to see something what roseFrom the dead!On the top of my head!Scarcely a month ago, gentlemen,I was suddenly struck with a rareOriental disease,Though the finest physicians in London were called,I awakened one morning amazed and appalledTo discover with dread that my head was as baldAs a novice’s knees!I was dying of shame‘Til a gentleman came,An illustrious barber, Pirelli by name.He gave me a liquid as precious as gold.I rubbed it in daily like what I was told,And behold!(Toby takes off his cap)Less than thirty days old!‘Twas Pirelli’s miracle elixirThat’s what did the trick, sir,True, sir, true.Was it quick, sir?Did it in a tick, sir,Just like an elixirOught to do!How about a bottle, mister?

Only costs a penny, guaranteed. [ALL]Penny buys a bottle, I don’t knowYou don’t needAh, let’s go[TOBIAS]Go ahead and tug, sir.Go ahead, sir, harder.Does Pirelli’sStimulate the growth, sir?You can have my oath, sir,‘Tis unique.Rub a minute.Stimulatin’, in’it?Soon you’ll have to thin itOnce a week!Gently dab it.Gets to be a habit.Soon there’ll be enough, sir,Somebody can grab it.See that chap withHair like Shelley’s?You can tell ‘e’sUsed Pirelli’s![ALL]Let me have a bottle,Make that two![MRS. LOVETT]Pardon me, sir, what’s that awful stink?[SWEENEY TODD]Smells to me like piss and looks like ink.[TOBIAS]Buy Pirelli’s miracle elixirAnything wot’s slick, sir,Soon sprouts curls.Try Pirelli’sWhen they see how thick, sir,You can have your pick, sir,Of the girls!See Pirelli’s miracle elixirGrow a little wick, sir,Then some fuzz.The Pirelli’sSoon’ll make it thick, sir,

Like a good elixirAlways does!Trust Pirelli’sIf your hair is sick, sir,Fix it in a nick, sir,Don’t look grim.Just Pirelli’s miracle elixir,That’ll do the trick, sir[COMPANY]What about the money?[TOBIAS]If you’ve got a kick, sir[ALL]What about the money?Where is this Pirelli?

Go and get Pirelli![TOBIAS](overlapping)Tell it to the mixerOf the miracle elixirIf you’ve got a kick, sir,[ALL]What about our money?Where is this Pirelli?[SWEENEY TODD]Senior Pirelli, I am Mr. Sweeny Todd and I have serviced no kings, yet I’ll wager that I can shave a cheek and pull a tooth with ten times more dexterity than any street mountebank. You see these

razors? I lay them against five pounds you are no match for me.[PIRELLI]You hear this foolish man? Watch and see how he will regret his folly!Will Beadle Bamford be the judge?[BEADLE BAMFORD]Glad as always to oblige my friends and neighbors.[PIRELLI]Ready? [SWEENEY TODD]Ready.

Rainbow Tour – Evita[PERON]

People of Europe, I send you the Rainbow of Argentina

[CHE]

Spain has fallen to the charms of Evita

She can do what she wants, it doesn’t matter much

[AIDE #1]

She’s the new world Madonna world with a golden touch

[AIDE #2]

She filled a bull-ring, forty-five thousand seater.

[CHE]

But if you’re prettier than General Franco, that’s not hard

[AIDE #1]

Franco’s reign in Spain should see out the forties

So you’ve just acquired an ally who

Looks as secure in his job as you

[AIDE #2]

But more important current political thought is

Your wife’s a phenomenal asset, your trump card

[PERON AND AIDES]

Let’s hear it for the Rainbow Tour

It’s been an incredible success

We weren’t quite sure, we had a few doubts

[PERON]

Would Evita win through?

[AIDES]

But the answer is yes

[EVA]

There you are. I told you so

Makes no difference where we goes

The whole world over just the same

You should have heard them call our name

And who would underestimate the actress now?

[PERON]

I’m not underestimating you, Just do the same thing in Italy please?

[CHE]

Now I don’t like to spoil a wonderful story

But the news from Rome is not so good

[PERON]

She hasn’t gone down like we thought she would

[CHE]

Italy’s unconvinced by Argentine glory

They equate Peron with Mussolini, can’t think why

[EVA]

Did you hear that? They called me a whore!

They actually called me a whore!

[ITALIAN ADMIRAL]

But Signora Peron it’s an easy mistake

I’m still called an Admiral

Yet I gave up the sea long ago

[AIDE #2]

Things aren’t all that bad; she met with the Pope.

She got a papal decoration and a kindly word

[CHE]

So even if the crowds gave our lady the bird

The Italy Argentine axis does have some hope!

[AIDE #1]

She still looked the part at St. Peter’s, caught the eye.

[ALL]




[PERON]


[AIDES]

But the answer is

[CHE]

A qualified

[AIDES]

Yes

[CHE]

Eva started well, no question, in France

Shining like the sun through the post-war haze,

A beautiful reminder of the care-free days

She nearly captured the French, she sure had the chance

But she suddenly seemed to lose interest

She looked tired

[PERON]

Tired? Tired? Eva, tired?

[CHE]

Face the facts, the Rainbow’s starting to fade

I don’t think she’ll make it to England now

[AIDE #1]

It wasn’t on the schedule anyhow.

[CHE]

You’d better get out the flags and fix a parade

Some kind of coming home triumph is required

[ALL]




[AIDE #2]


[AIDE #1]

But the answer is

[AIDE #2]

Yes

[CHE]

And no

[AIDES]

And yes

[CHE]

And no

[AIDES] (slowly)

And yes, and no

[ALL] (slowly)



(trails off)

Razzle Dazzle – Chicago[BILLY] (Spoken)

Roxie, you got nothing to worry about.

It’s all a circus, kid. A three ring circus.

These trials- the whole world- all show business.

But kid, you’re working with a star.

Give ‘em the old razzle dazzle

Razzle Dazzle ‘em,

Give ‘em an act with lots of flash in it

And the reaction will be passionate

Give ‘em the old hocus pocus

Bead and feather ‘em

How can they see with sequins in their eyes?

What if your hinges all are rusting?

What if, in fact, you’re just disgusting?

Razzle dazzle ‘em

And they’ll never catch wise!

(Shouting and the sound of flashbulbs popping)

Give ‘em the old Razzle dazzle

[BILLY and COMPANY]

Razzle dazzle ‘em

Give ‘em a show that’s so splendiferous

[BILLY]

Row after row will crow vociferous

[BILLY and COMPANY]

Give ‘em the old flim flam flummox

Fool and fracture ‘em

[BILLY]

How can they hear the truth above the roar?

[BACKUP SINGERS]

Roar, roar, roar.

[BILLY and COMPANY]

Throw ‘em a fake and a finagle

They’ll never know you’re just a bagel

[BILLY]

Razzle dazzle ‘em

And they’ll beg you for more!

[BILLY and COMPANY]

Give ‘em the old double whammy

Daze and dizzy ‘em

Razzle Dazzle ‘em

Back since the days of old Methuselah

Everyone loves the big bambooz-a-ler

Give ‘em the old three ring circus

Stun and stagger ‘em

When you’re in trouble, go into your dance

Though you are stiffer than a girder

They let you get away with murder

Razzle dazzle ‘em

And you’ve got a romance

Give ‘em the old

Razzle Dazzle

[BILLY]

Razzle dazzle ‘em

Show ‘em the first rate sorcerer you are,

Long as you keep them way off balance

How can they spot you’ve got no talents?

Razzle dazzle ‘em

[COMPANY]

Razzle dazzle ‘em

[BILLY]

Razzle dazzle ‘em

[MARY SUNSHINE] (spoken)

This is the moment we’ve been waiting for. Roxy Hart takes the stand in her own defense.

[BILLY AND COMPANY]

And they’ll make you a star!

Run Freedom Run – Urinetown[BOBBY]Run, freedom, run!Freedom, run away!My friends, you have to runRun-a, run-a, runFreedom, run away!That freedom sunWill shine someday‘Til then you gotta runRun-a, run-a, runFreedom, run away![TINY TOM]I’m frightened![BOBBY]As well you should be. Freedom is scary. It’s a blast of cool wind thatburns your face to wake you up.[TINY TOM]Literally?![BOBBY]Yes.There’s a trickle of sweat -[THE POOR]There’s a trickle of sweat -[BOBBY]Drippin’ in your ear -[THE POOR]Drippin’ in your ear -[BOBBY]But still, you gotta runRun-a, run-a, runFreedom, run away![THE POOR]Ah - run, run away![BOBBY]Now, don’t you fretAnd never fear!‘Til freedom’s[BOBBY AND THE POOR]Won, won-a, won-a, won[BOBBY]Freedom, run away![THE POOR]Run, freedom, run!

[BOBBY]There’s a great big Cladwell on your tail![THE POOR]Run, freedom, run![BOBBY]And he’s put his henchmen on your trail![THE POOR]Run, freedom, run![BOBBY]I’m simply layin’ out the fac’s for youGreat big Cladwell’s makin’ tracks for youAin’t no time to relax for you -[BOBBY AND THE POOR]Run, freedom, run![BOBBY]Run, freedom, run![THE POOR]Run, freedom, run!Run, freedom, run![BOBBY]Freedom, run away![THE POOR]Freedom, run away!Freedom, run away!My friends, you have to runRun-a, run-a, runFreedom, run away!Freedom, run away -Freedom, run away -Freedom, run away!That freedom sunThat freedom sunWill shine someday![BOBBY]Three, four[THE POOR]‘Til then you betterRun, run-a-freedom runRun-a, run-a way![BOBBY]

Run, freedom, run!Freedom, run away!My friends youHave to runRun-a, run-a, runFreedom, run away! [THE POOR]Hallelujah!Hallelujah!Ahh...[THE POOR]Run, Hallelu![BOBBY]That freedom sun![THE POOR]Freedom sun![BOBBY]Will shine someday![THE POOR]Some sweet day![BOBBY and THE POOR]‘Til then you betterRun, run-a, run-a, runRun-a, run-a run!Hallelujah![THE POOR]Freedom, run![BOBBY]With the wind in your hairYou’ll run to freedom’s glory![THE POOR]Freedom sun![BOBBY]That freedom sun will shineAll over your freedom storyI said freedom -I said freedom -I said freedom, runAway![THE POOR]Run, freedom, run!Run, freedom!Freedom, run away

Downtown (Skid Row) –Little Shop of Horrors[WOMAN]Alarm goes off at sevenand you start uptown.You put in your eight hoursfor the powers that have always been.[RONETTE]Sing it, child[WOMAN]‘Til it’s five p.m.[WINO]Then you go[WOMAN, CRYSTAL, CHIFFON and RONETTE]DowntownWhere the folks are brokeYou goDowntownWhere your life’s a jokeYou goDowntownWhen you buy your token, you go-[WOMAN]Home to Skid Row![CRYSTAL, CHIFFON + RONETTE]Home to Skid Row![WINO #2]Yes, you go[GIRLS]Downtown[ITALIAN MAN]Where the cabs don’t stop.[GIRLS]Downtown[FAT MAN]Where the food is slop.[GIRLS]Downtown[ALL]

Where the hop-heads flop in the snow!Down on Skid Row![GIRLS]Uptown you cater to a million jerksUptown your messengers and mailroom clerksEatin’ all your lunches at the hot-dog cartsThe bosses take your moneyAnd they break your hearts[MEN]Aaaaaaa[GIRLS]And uptown you cater to a million whoresYou disinfect terrazzo on their bathroom floorsYour morning’s tribulation, afternoon’s a curseAnd five o’clock you head[WINO #3]By subway[AUDREY]DowntownWhere the guys are drips.[ALL]Downtown[AUDREY]Where they rip your slips.[ALL]Downtown[AUDREY]Where relationships are no-go.[ALL] (Audrey leading)Down on Skid Row!Down on Skid Row!Down on Skid Row!Down on Skid Row!

Down on Skid -Down on Skid Row!Down on Skid Row![SEYMOUR]Poor!All my life, I’ve always been poor!I keep asking God what I’m for!And he tells me,“Gee, I’m not sure...Sweep that floor, kid”Oh!I started life as an orphan,A child of the street, here on Skid Row!He took me in, gave me shelter,A bed, crust of bread, and a job-Treats me like dirt,Calls me a slob,Which I am!So I live...[ALL]Downtown[SEYMOUR]That’s your home address, ya live[ALL]Downtown[SEYMOUR]When your life’s a mess, ya live[ALL]Downtown[SEYMOUR]Where depression’s just status quo![ALL]Down on Skid Row![SEYMOUR]Someone show me a way to get outta here

Cause I constantly pray I’ll get outta herePlease won’t somebody say I’ll get outta hereSomeone gimme my shot or I’ll rot here!(lyrics A and B are sung at the same time, C and D will be sung at the same time)

[SEYMOUR] (A)Show me how and I will,I’ll get outta hereI’ll start climbin’ up hilland get outta hereSomeone tell me I stillcould get outta hereSomeone tell lady luckthat I’m stuck here[ALL] (B)DowntownThere’s no rules for usDowntown-Cause it’s dangerousDowntownWhere the rainbow’s just a no-showwhen you live...[AUDREY + SEYMOUR] (C)Gee, it sure would be swellto get outta hereBid the gutter farewelland get outta hereI’d move heaven and hellto get outta SkidI’d do I-dunno-whatto get outta SkidBut a hell of a lotto get outta SkidPeople tell me theresnot a way outta SkidBut believe me I gotta get outta[ALL] (D)Downtown

Where the sun don’t shine!DowntownPast the bottom lineDown townGo ask any wino, he’ll knowDowntownDowntownDowntownSkid Row!

Something Just Broke – Asssassins[WOMAN 1]

I was out

In the yard,

Taking down the bed sheets,

When my neighbor yelled across:

[PROPRIETOR]

“The president’s been shot.”

[WOMAN 1]

I remember where I was,

Just exactly where I was,

In the yard out back--

[PROPRIETOR]


[MAN 1]

I was getting me a shoeshine--

[WOMAN 1]

Folding sheets--

[MAN 1]

When I heard--

[WOMAN 2]

We were waiting for a carriage--

[MAN 1]

Newsboys--

[WOMAN 2]

Suddenly there’s shouting in the street--

[WOMAN 1]

Lizzie’s sheets...

[THE PROPRIETOR]


[WOMAN 2]

I’ll remember it forever--

[WOMAN 1]

And I thought:

[WOMAN 2 and MAN 1]

Where I was, what I was doing--

[WOMAN 1]

Something just broke

[PROPRIETOR]


[MAN 1]

My God--!

[MAN 2]

I was up near the ridge,

Plowing--

[MAN 3]

We were working at the plant--

[WOMAN 2]

I was halfway through correcting the exams--

[MAN 2]

When my wife--

[MAN 3]

It was Mike--

[MAN 2]

She comes tearing ‘cross the field--

[MAN 3]

Mike the foreman--

[WOMAN 2]

In runs Billy--

[MAN 3]

I mean, he was crying--

[WOMAN 2]

He was crying--

[MAN 2]

She was crying--

[WOMAN 2, MAN 2 and MAN 3]

I’ll remember it forever...

[WOMAN 1]

And I thought:

[PROPRIETOR]


[WOMAN 1]

You know what?

There are presidents who aren’t worth a lot.

[WOMAN 2, MAN 2 and MAN 3]

I kept thinking:

[WOMAN 1]

There’s the kind that gets elected, then forgot.

[MAN 1 and WOMAN 1]

Mr. Garfield--

[WOMAN 2]

Mr. Lincoln

[MAN 1 and WOMAN 1]

He’s a hack.

[MAN 3 and WOMAN 1]

Bill McKinley--

[WOMAN 2]

He’s a giant.

[MAN 1, MAN 3 and WOMAN 1]

He’s a joke.

[WOMAN 1]

Still, something just broke...

[PROPRIETOR]

“The president is rallying.”

“The president is sinking.”

“The president is dead.”

[WOMAN 1]

Something just broke.

[MAN 2]

I was down at the Exchange...

[WOMAN 1]

Something just made a little dent.

[WOMAN 2]

I’d been shopping...

[MAN 1]

I’d been sick...

[WOMAN 1]

Something just broke--

[MAN 3]

All I know, it was a Friday...

[WOMAN 1]

Only for a moment.

[MAN1, MAN 2, MAN 3 and BOY]

I remember it exactly...

[WOMAN 1]

Something got bent.

[WOMAN 2]

I’m taking the order...

[WOMAN 1]

Something just left a little mark.

[BOY]

I was getting dressed...

[WOMAN 2]

Two potato soups...

[WOMAN 1]

Something just went a little dark.

Something just went.

[MAN 2]

And I wondered:

[WOMAN 2]

I was scared--

[MAN 2 and WOMAN 2]

What would follow...

[WOMAN 1]

Something to be mended.

[MAN 1]

Made me wonder who we are...

[WOMAN 1]

Something we’ll have to weather--

[MAN 2]

It was seeing all those torches...

[WOMAN 1]

Bringing us all together--

[MAN 2]

He was me...

[MAN 3]

He was us...

[WOMAN 1]

--If only for a moment...

[ALL]

I’ll remember it forever...

[WOMAN 1]

Nothing has really ended—

[MAN 1, MAN 2, MAN 3 and BOY]

Where I was, what I was doing...

[WOMAN 1]

Only just be suspended...

[MAN 1, MAN 2, MAN 3 and BOY]

Like a flash...

[WOMAN 1]

‘Cause something just stirred...

[VARIOUS]

And I thought

And I thought to myself

And I thought

And I thought

I kept thinking

[WOMAN 1]

Something just woke.

[ALL]

Something just spoke,

Something I wish I hadn’t heard,

Something bewildering occurred.

[BOY and MAN 2]

Fix it up fast,

Please—

[MAN 2 and MAN 3]

‘Til it’s just smoke.

[WOMAN 1 and WOMAN 2]

‘Til it’s only “Something just passed”--

--Nothing that will last.

[WOMAN 1, WOMAN 2, and MAN 1]

Where I was, what I was doing...

[MAN 2, MAN 3 and BOY]

Nothing but the moment...

[WOMAN 2]

Just an awful moment...

[WOMAN 1]

But something just--

Texas Has a Whorehouse In it – Best Little Whorehouse in Texas [DOGETTES]Watchdog will get youIf you don’t watch out!

Watchdog sees And Watchdog knows

Watchdog keeps usOn our toes!

Watchdog assures youThat the law’s the law

No exceptions to the ruleWatchdog ain’t no fool!

Watchdog protects youHe’s out on the prowl

Guards and checks the best he canWatchdog is a fighting man

Watchdog will throw his Beam of light around

If some folks don’t toe the lineWatchdog’s light will shine!

[MELVIN] (spoken)Texas has a whorehouse in it!

[DOGETTES/M.P. THORPE SINGERS]Lord have mercy on our souls![MELVIN]Texas has a whorehouse in it![DOGETTES/M.P. THORPE SINGERS]Lord have mercy on our souls!

[MELVIN]I’ll expose the facts

Although it fills me with disgust...Please excuse the filthy, dark details

And carnal lust[DOGETTES/M.P. THORPE SINGERS]Filthy dark details and carnal lust!

[MELVIN]Dancin’ goin’ on inside it

Don’t you see they’ve gone plumb wildI inquired, no one denied it.

Now I think I’m gettin’ riled.Bodies close together

Arms and legs all re-arrangedAnd the sheriff does not close it down.That’s very strange!

[DOGETTES/M.P. THORPE SINGERS]Does not close it down, that’s very strange.

[MELVIN]Mean eyed, juiced-up, brilliantine’d, honky tonk cowboys.[DOGETTES/M.P. THORPE SINGERS]Oh, no.

[MELVIN]Mixin’ with green eyed, think lipped

Hard as nails, p’roxide blondes.[DOGETTES/M.P. THORPE SINGERS]Oh, no!

[MELVIN]Not to mention some types,

That you’d never guess would venture near.

Actin’ all depraved and loose and wild

Ninety miles from here.(spoken)And now, our own Melvin P. Thorpe singers.

[DOGETTES/M.P. THORPE SINGERS]Texas has a whorehouse in it![MELVIN]I’ll not let this scandal fade!

[DOGETTES/M.P. THORPE SINGERS]Texas has a whorehouse in it!

[MELVIN]I’ll uproot and I’ll crusade!

I can smell corruption and I’ll fight it to the top!

[MELVIN/DOGETTES/M.P. THORPE SINGERS]Loveless copulation goin’ on.[MELVIN]And it must stop![DOGETTES/M.P. THORPE SINGERS]Loveless copulation

Loveless copulationLoveless copulation

Loveless copulationTexas has a whorehouse in it

Lord have mercy on our soulsTexas has a whorehouse in it

Lord have mercy on our soulsWatchdog smells corruption and he’ll fight it to the topLoveless copulation goin’ on, goin’ on, goin’ on, goin’ on, goin’ on, goin’ on

[MELVIN] (spoken)Don’t touch that dial, neighbors. I’ll be back tomorrow -- and the next day and the next -- with the new and revealing information on this and other cases. Watchdog never sleeps![DOGETTES/M.P. THORPE SINGERS]And it must stop!

Watchdog’s gonna get youGonna shine his light on you

Watchdog’s gonna get youGonna shine his light on you

The Time Warp – Rocky Horror Show[RIFF RAFF]

It’s astounding, time is fleeting

Madness takes its toll

But listen closely –

[MAGENTA]

Not for very much longer

[RIFF RAFF]

I’ve got to keep control.

I remember doing the Time Warp

Drinking those moments when

The blackness would hit me

[RIFF RAFF and MAGENTA]

And the void would be calling

[ALL]

Let’s do the Time Warp again!


[CRIMINOLOGIST]

It’s just a jump to the left

[ALL]

And then a step to the ri-i-i-i-ght

[CRIMINOLOGIST]

With your hands on your hips

[ALL]

You bring your knees in tight

But it’s the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane!


[MAGENTA]

It’s so dreamy! Oh fantasy free me,

So you can’t see me, no not at all.

In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention,

Well-secluded, I see all.

[RIFF RAFF]

With a bit of a mind flip

[MAGENTA]

You’re into the time slip

[RIFF]

And nothing can ever be the same

[MAGENTA]

You’re spaced out on sensation –

[RIFF RAFF]

Like you’re under sedation!

[ALL]



[COLUMBIA]

Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think

When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink

He shook me up, he took me by surprise

He had a pickup truck and the devil’s eyes.

He stared at me and I felt a change

Time meant nothing, never would again

[ALL]



[CRIMINOLOGIST]


[ALL]


[CRIMINOLOGIST]

Put your hands on your hips

[ALL]


But it’s the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane,



(Instrumental break where COLUMBIA tap dances.)

[ALL]



[CRIMINOLOGIST]


[ALL]


[CRIMINOLOGIST]

With your hands on your hips

[ALL]


But it’s the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane,



(Everyone falls to the floor)

We Both Reached For the Gun – Chicago [REPORTERS]

Where’d you come from?

[BILLY (as ROXIE)]

Mississippi

[REPORTERS]

And your parents?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]

Very wealthy

[REPORTERS]

Where are they now?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]

Six feet under

[BILLY]

But she was granted one more start

[BILLY (as Roxie)]

The convent of The Sacred Heart!

[REPORTERS]

When’d you get here?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]

1920

[REPORTERS]

How old were you?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]

Don’t remember

[REPORTERS]

Then what happened?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]

I met Amos

And he stole my heart away

Convinced me to elope

one day

[MARY SUNSHINE](spoken)

Oh you poor dear, I can’t believe what you’ve been through. A convent girl! A run-away marriage! Now tell us Roxy …Who’s Fred Casely?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]

My ex-boyfriend.

[REPORTERS]

Why’d you shoot him?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]

I was leavin’.

[REPORTERS]

Was he angry?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]

Like a madman

Still I said, “Fred, move along.”

[BILLY]

She knew that she was doin’ wrong.

[REPORTERS]

Then describe it.

[BILLY (as Roxie)]

He came toward me.

[REPORTERS]

With a pistol?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]

From my bureau.

[REPORTERS]

Did you fight him?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]

Like a tiger.

[BILLY]

He had strength and she

had none.

[BILLY (as Roxie)]

And yet we both reached for the gun

Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes we both

Oh yes we both

Oh yes, we both reached for

The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun

Oh yes, we both reached for the gun

For the gun.

[BILLY AND REPORTERS]

Oh yes, oh yes,

oh yes they both

Oh yes, they both

Oh yes, they both reached for

The gun, the gun, the gun, the gun,

Oh yes, they both reached for the gun

For the gun.

[BILLY]

understandable. understandable

Yes, it’s perfectly understandable

Comprehensible. Comprehensible

Not a bit reprehensible

It’s so defensible!

[REPORTERS]

How’re you feeling?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]

Very frightened

[MARY SUNSHINE]

Are you sorry?

[ROXIE]

Are you kidding?

[REPORTERS]

What’s your statement?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]

All I’d say is

Though my choo-choo jumped the track

I’d give my life to bring him back

[REPORTERS]

And?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]

Stay away from

[REPORTERS]

What?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]

Jazz and liquor

[REPORTERS]

And?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]

And the men who

[REPORTERS]

What?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]

Play for fun

[REPORTERS]

And what?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]

That’s the thought

That

[REPORTERS]

Yeah

[BILLY (as Roxie)]

Came upon me

[REPORTERS]

When?

[BILLY (as Roxie)]

When we both reached for the gun!

[MARY SUNSHINE]

Understandable, understandable

[BILLY AND MARY

SUNSHINE]

Yes, it’s perfectly understandable

Comprehensible,

comprehensible

Not a bit reprehensible

It’s so defensible!

[REPORTERS]

Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both

Oh yes, they both

Oh yes, they both reached for

[BILLY (spoken)]

Let me hear it!

[REPORTERS]

The gun, the gun, the gun,

The gun

Oh yes, they both reached

For the gun

For the gun.

[BILLY (spoken)]

A little louder!

[REPORTERS]


Oh yes, they both

Oh yes, they

both reached for

The gun, the gun,

[BILLY (spoken)]

Now you got it!

[REPORTERS]

Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both reached for

The gun, the gun

Oh yes. They both

reached

For the gun

For the gun.

[BILLY and REPORTERS]


Oh yes, they both

Oh yes, they both reached

for


Oh yes, they both reached for the

gun.


Oh yes, they both

Oh yes,

Reached for


The gun, the gun, the

gun, the gun


The gun, the gun, the

gun, the gun.

[BILLY]

Both reached for

the...gun

[REPORTERS]





Both reached for the gun!

Hot Patootie (Whatever Happened to Saturday Night?) – Rocky Horror Show[EDDIE]

Whatever happened to Saturday night?

When you dressed up sharp and you felt alright

It don’t seem the same since cosmic light

Came into my life, I thought I was divine

I used to go for a ride with any chick who would go

And listen to the music on the radio

A saxophone was blowing on a Rock and Roll show

We climbed in the back seat, really had a good time!

[EDDIE with ALL]

Hot patootie, bless my soul

Really love that Rock and Roll


I really love that Rock and Roll





(Eddie plays a saxophone solo.)

[EDDIE]

My head used to swim from the perfume I smelled

My hands kinda fumbled with her white plastic belt

I’d taste her baby pink lipstick and that’s when I’d melt

She’d whisper in my ear tonight she really was mine

Get back in front an’ put some hair oil on

Buddy Holly was singing his very last song

With your arms around your girl, you try to sing along

It felt pretty good...Woo!

You really had a good time

[EDDIE with ALL]









(Eddie plays another saxophone solo)

[EDDIE with ALL]

















You Can’t Stop the Beat – Hairspray[TRACY]

You can’t stop an avalanche

As it races down the hill

You can try to stop the seasons, girl

But you know you never will

And you can try to stop my dancin’ feet

But I just cannot stand still

Cause the world keeps a spinnin’

Round and round

And my heart’s keeping time

To the speed of sound

I was lost ‘til I heard the drums

Then I found my way

[TRACY and LINK]

Cause you can’t stop the beat

Ever since this old world began

A woman found out if she shook it

She could shake up a man

And so I’m gonna shake and shimmy it

The best that I can today

‘Cause you can’t stop

The motion of the ocean

Or the sun in the sky

You can wonder if you wanna

But I’ll never ask why

And if you try to hold me down

I’m gonna spit in your eye and say

That you can’t stop the beat!

[TRACY] (spoken)

What’dya have to say Penny?

[PENNY] (spoken)

I am now a checkerboard chick!

[PENNY]

You can’t stop a river

As it rushes to the sea

[SEAWEED]

You can try and stop the hands of time

But you know it just won’t be

[PENNY]

And if they try to stop us, Seaweed,

I’ll call the N Double A C P

Cause the world keeps spinning

Round and ‘round




Then I found my way

[PENNY & SEAWEED]

‘Cause you can’t stop the beat

[LINK, TRACY, PENNY and SEAWEED]

Ever since we first saw the light

A man and woman liked to shake it

On a Saturday night


With all my might today



Or the rain from above

You can try to stop the paradise

We’re dreamin’ of

But you cannot stop the rhythm

Of two hearts in love to stay

‘Cause you can’t stop the beat!

[EDNA] (spoken)

Tracy, I have a little something I’d like to add if you don’t mind.

[EDNA]

You can’t stop my happiness

‘Cause I like the way I am

And you just can’t stop my knife and fork

When I see a Christmas ham

So if you don’t like the way I look

Well, I just don’t give a damn!

[EDNA and ENSEMBLE]

Cause the world keeps spinning

Round and ‘round




Then I found my way!

[EDNA & COMPANY]


Ever since this old world began

A woman found out if she shook it

She could shake up a man


The best that I can today!



Or the sun in the sky

You can wonder if you wanna

But I never ask why

And if you try to hold me down

I’m gonna spit in your eye and say

That you can’t stop the beat!

[EDNA] (spoken)

Wilbur, be a dear, fetch some oxygen now!

[MOTORMOUTH] (spoken)

Step aside, Miss Buttercup... it’s

time to wrap this mutha’ up!

[MOTORMOUTH]

Oh oh oh

You can’t stop today

[ALL]

No!

As it comes speeding down the track

[ALL]

Ooh-ooh-ooh child yes!

[MOTORMOUTH]

Child, yesterday is hist’ry

[ALL]

Be gone!

[MOTORMOUTH]

And it’s never coming back!

[ALL]

Look ahead!

[MOTORMOUTH and ENSEMBLE]

Look ahead, ‘cause tomorrow is a brand new day

[MOTORMOUTH]

And it don’t know white from black

[ENSEMBLE]

Yeah!

[MOTORMOUTH and ENSEMBLE]

‘Cause the world keeps spinning

‘Round and ‘round




Then I found my way


[ALL]

Ever since we first saw the light

A man and woman liked to shake it

On a Saturday night


With all my might today




They can try to stop the paradise

We’re dreaming of



You can’t stop the beat!

Aah, aah, aah

Aah, aah, aah

Aah, aah, aah

Come on, you Von Tussles

Go on, shake your fanny muscles!

[VELMA & AMBER]

We can’t!

[ALL]

Yes, you can!

[VELMA & AMBER]

No, we can’t!

[ALL]

Yes, you can!

[VELMA & AMBER]

Yes, we can...!!!

[ALL]

You can’t stop the beat

[VELMA & AMBER]

Ever since we first saw the sun

It seems Von Tussle girls are always

Tryin’ to please someone

But now we’re gonna shake and shimmy it

And have some fun

Today!

[ALL]

You can’t stop



You can try to stop the paradise

We’re dreaming of



‘Cause you can’t stop the beat!

You can’t stop the beat!!




Index of Songs Alphabetical by Show

Assassins

Another National Anthem .............................................3

Something Just Broke ................................................ 30

Avenue Q

The Internet Is For Porn ............................................. 11

Best Little Whorehouse in Texas

Texas Has a Whorehouse In It .................................... 32

Chicago

All that Jazz …………………………………………………………..... 2 Razzle Dazzle ............................................................... 26

We Both Reached For the Gun ...................................34

Cabaret

Don’t Tell Mama ........................................................... 7

Evita

New Argentina, A ....................................................... 19

Money Kept Rolling In, The ........................................ 15

Rainbow Tour ............................................................. 24

Hairspray

You Can’t Stop the Beat ............................................ 37

Jekyll & Hyde

Murder, Murder ......................................................... 17

Little Shop of Horrors

Skid Row (Downtown) ................................................ 28

Phantom of the Opera

Masquerade ............................................................... 13

Ragtime

Crime of the Century ...................................................6

Night That Goldman Spoke at Union Square, The.......20

Rocky Horror Show

Time Warp, The ......................................................... 33

Whatever Happened to Saturday Night?.....................36

Sweeney Todd

God That’s Good ........................................................... 8

Pirelli’s Elixir ............................................................... 22

Urinetown

Mr. Cladwell ............................................................... 16

Run Freedom Run ...................................................... 27

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