7/27/2019 LOVE&FIRE

1/23

Love and Fire

Foreword:

After going through many extreme experiences, which took me into all levels of society, fromhigh-class jobs to the top of drug rings, and to the bottom of jail cells: I have finally stumbledacross a powerful life-giving source love, as a matter of fact. Ive even found the very Source God He is love! There is still hope for people who are truly searching. There was hope forme, so surely, if you havent yet, you can experience this amazing satisfaction too.

Be sure of this:

ITS NOT OF THIS WORLD

Open your mind and seek the truth. If you truly seek it, you will find it.

If you want to know more about anything covered in my testimony, I am more than happy totalk with you. My email address is: anear2hear@hotmail.com.

Chapter One:

Destruction Begins:

I grew up in a home of high morals, in a loving middle class family, what society would call anormal happy family. We had problems here and there as every family has, yet we were happyand content maybe in-want of something, yet that something was unknown. Growing up Ihad a rather secular outlook, without any earnest consideration to philosophy or mans origins,and I soon found science to be the ultimate answer to all things. As a youngster I really loved tomake potions and experiment with anything I could get my hands on. Ive been blessed with avery good mind, a strong imagination, and made friends easily. I also had a great ability tolearn, and catch on to what, when and where the good (and bad) happened around town.

When I was young I seemed to always be in trouble with my parents and unfortunately myfriends parents too I tended to attract the role of scapegoat this I didnt really mind and

never brought the matters up with them but carried on getting into anything that got in theway, even trouble! It didnt matter how much I was disciplined and punished for my recklessbehavior I always managed to better the badness the next time. My career of destruction

Page 1 of 23

7/27/2019 LOVE&FIRE

2/23

started at the age of three. By the testimony of my loving, tolerant mother she found me oneday standing on a wall unit throwing her nice glassware everywhere, causing mass destructionin the living room.

Even shock treatment a little later in life, being thrown across the room by a live lamp, didnthelp me. I seemed to get worse at behaving and better at deceiving or what I thought wascunning. Parents always know more than what kids think they do yet there are always some

things that parents dont catch on to, and that may be for their own good. Later in life I alwayshad an edge in class and a passion for adventure, rebellion and mischief no matter howserious. I suppose, growing up in a neighborhood that had a lot of criminals and gangs arounddidnt help but I soon caught onto smoking and alcohol. Then girls came along so I gave upmartial arts and sports to work part time after school so I could buy smokes and be cool likethe others around me.

From there, the trouble went further and further into the realms of darkness. Yet I alwaysseemed to be happy and everyone marveled over my ability to smile. I was really good andprosperous in dealing with the bad people and got on well with people much older than Imyself. I soon became the funny young guy that everyone liked to get stoned and drunk with.This, I thought was great! I could get free drugs and pretty young girls too I had it made, or soI thought. I didnt even give a thought to the times ahead and the tribulations that I would get

myself into through my own indulgences, and my ignorance of the effect the darkness whichruled me had on my own life as well as the lives of many others. Especially the hurt andbroken-heartedness of those that loved me, that I had blatantly turned away from, in my lustfor pleasing myself and those that enjoyed what I wanted.

I made my way academically (not honorably) through high school even though I wagged andtook drugs for most of it; and most of the remainder was spent outside the principals officeawaiting judgment. My love for music and girls grew at the same fast pace as my ego andability to be smooth and organize anything. I had a huge expectation of what I would be andthe riches that would follow soon after. I had a great array of friends and contacts for anything Ineeded. Though when it came to girls I always seemed to be very shy and this bugged me somany to choose from, yet something deep down made it difficult.

Chapter Two:

More Entangled:

I started work. My first job was as a pre-press desk-top publisher, working on and designinglabels for wine, cheese and chemical companies, amongst others. I had begun on my road towhat I thought was success. I was playing music in a heavy metal band that all the neighbourshated with a passion! I made a leap out of the nest and moved into my first flat, not too farfrom home. We had many parties there, causing more neighbours to hate me. This got so badthat they held neighbourhood meetings to plot ways to remove us from the area. It was onlydue to the fact that my flat-mates parents owned the house, that we were able to stay livingthere. I had a nice illegal race car and things seemed all good: many friends and a high social

standing not much respect just fun to hang out with and get into trouble with.

One of the flat-mates was quite a pretty young girl, as a result, we had a lot of guys that hungaround the place and some of these guys were high-profile bad guys with lots of substancesthat brought temporary happiness when taken. This led to my chemical romance, and the nextfew years were spent taking and selling drugs. I moved back home for a while due to problemsat the flat but my drug habits got too much to conceal from my parents, who wouldnt haveit. I moved into another place that welcomed my habits and my consuming increased. I endedup going through a few jobs and settled into a contracting job earning an average of twelvehundred dollars per week after tax. It was way too much for a nineteen-year-old especiallyone that didnt care about anything, or sadly, anyone.Around this time I met my first proper girlfriend. We spent a lot of time together, eventually

falling in love. I had no definite long-term ideas or anything and I started to treat her badly, thesame as I saw my mates treating their girls. This I regret and I disliked myself for, but I cantchange the past and all things happen that we may learn. (I can now see how horrible I was inthat state of carelessness and sin. I am truly thankful that that burden of sin has been lifted off

Page 2 of 23

7/27/2019 LOVE&FIRE

3/23

my shoulders.) Anyway, we were in a relationship for nearly three years but eventually webroke up. I left the whole mess behind and bottled it up deep inside me to drown withsubstances and booze

Chapter Three:

Deep Into the Dark Night:

All this excess cash helped support my growing drug and party habit and I eventually movedinto Wellington city to get closer to the action and work. This was around the time I broke upwith my girlfriend. Here my life took a huge downhill escalation and I moved so far up the chainof the drug world so far that I supplied some of the city for a while. All of my old friends wereforsaken and I really thought that I was living the life many people dreamed of. All the girls youcould ever want, all the drugs you could ever want, all the money you could ever want and astatus in the underworld of drugs that takes many years to build. I remember sitting in my carand saying to myself: Im never going to want for anything ever again. Then something deepinside said that I had just tempted fate and that I should find some wood to touch to reversemy foolish statement. I didnt find the wood and had not the memory due to excessive use, toremember to do so. Not that it mattered. My destiny lay deeper than what my mind at the timecould comprehend especially being so high every second of my waking life.

Eventually I started to slip and grew complacent I got really busy and extremely paranoid allthe time my extravagant business caused me to have no time to sleep and my paranoiacaused me not to let anyone help me carry out deals. This resulted in major sleep deprivation and my acute ability to organize and construct the correct scenes for these dangerous dealswith dangerous men began to slip, and then one day disaster struck Or what I thought to bedisaster. I fell asleep driving and managed to wake up at some traffic lights I started to driveagain and then was woken up ten minutes drive away at a petrol station, by an officer tappinghis baton on my closed window, with a querying look on his stern face. Only God knows how Igot there, and how long I was asleep.

Chapter Four:

The Heavy Hand of the Law:

I was arrested! Just then, my future did not seem so sure anymore. The reality of my lifestarted to come to me. I wanted to get out and take more drugs but these people wereopposing the very idea, the cheek of them, I thought! How could they do this? In my mind I washelping others, and myself to have (what I thought to be) harmless fun

I started to hate society more. The strength of the arm of the law began to dawn upon me, yet Ilonged to be released to embark again on my beloved drug-taking and dealing escapades. Mybail came two days later; it was New Years Eve. I went about collecting debts and constructingsome deals to make some more money as all my money was taken from me by the police. Itjust so happened that I was busted while moving my money from my mates safe to another

location, funny that So, I went about my ways and made more money and built up myarsenal of darkness and death which to me was light and love but something, some power,was not helping me this time round. Every time I got semi-established financially I would fallasleep and all my money and gear would get stolen.

This happened so many times that I ended up getting into serious trouble with the really badguys and things started to look dim for me. I, who had recently said that my life was made andthings were good, and that I would never want. What was happening? No matter how manydrugs I took, I still wanted more. I wanted to be happy and have heavenly joy, I wantedsatisfaction.

The world of drugs, money, fame, and girls just couldnt fill me. I always ended up wantingagain, and again. Not to mention the devastating side effects, both mentally and physically,

from the instant gratification that they brought. I always imagined, and openly discussed, theday that science would invent the drug that keeps you happy and content. My inward beliefwas that this would soon be discovered and it didnt matter at all if it meant that there would

Page 3 of 23

7/27/2019 LOVE&FIRE

4/23

be no market for illegal drug sales, because I would be content and living in a state of constantsatisfaction and joy.

If only I knew back then that this reality has been around much longer than mankind!

Chapter Five:

On The Run / Apprehended:

I was high every waking moment and got so messed up in drug use that I felt too good toattend court and go through the bad buzz that it would bring. Consequently I ended up on therun from the police for a few months. In this hopeless time I took paranoid to a new level andgot into the mind-set that any time I was in public, I had to act like a ninja in case I was beingfollowed by police. The strange thing being: the drugs were keeping me in the mode ofexcitement and adventure. I was an outlaw and enjoyed it all.

I was overtaken by all things pertaining to low morals and a dangerous lack of honour andvirtue: two qualities that I waved off as sissy and pathetic. And the thought of God? I despisedanyone who told me how I should live. I didnt tell anyone how they should live so why should Ibe told. My concept of religion was of a man-made tyrannical control regime with carefully-orchestrated superstitious scare tactics to control early civilizations of nave, uneducatedpeople. At the time, the Catholic Church was the only actual veneer of Christianity I knew of,and even that, I knew almost nothing about. As far as I was concerned there were lot ofhypocrites who had riches beyond comprehension; with heady, high-minded leaders runningthe churches. This is what I had witnessed by word of mouth, and the many infamous casesshown on the news and media.

After a few months on the run from both the authorities and the bad guys, I was apprehendedand taken into tight custody. This was a true shock to my dependent system, and didnt godown lightly. I spent the next ten days sleeping on the day room floor of the police station cellsamongst many dangerous, tattooed men; all stressed out on remand, awaiting judgment for

their cases. Moreover, they were agitated at being locked up in such a stale-aired, confinedspace for so long. Nevertheless I did not care, I had months of sleep to catch up on. When thecall finally came, informing the police that we could be transferred to the prison, I becameanxious

Chapter Six:

Time Inside / Mind Expansion:

I had never been inside a prison and didnt like the idea, let alone the oncoming persecutionthat had already started with my flash shoes and designer sunnies being bartered for. Not thatI really cared but a slight edge of pride kept me from succumbing to their whim. Eventuallyafter many treacherous hours of processing and procedure of induction to the prison by theextremely motivated guards which I soon found out we were to call screws, we were onour way into the units. I got conned by a tea leafing thief to go with him to the protection unit I found out later that he had conned and stolen from the group that we were just with. I alsofound out, the hard way, that he was a compulsive thief.

My awareness was somewhat dampened by acute withdrawals from a long drug dependencethat cried out for quenching and the worst part was that it would be a long time till I tastedanything besides cigarettes and pot. The long-suffering torment had begun, and I wasntwelcomed either, but I didnt care, I was completely gripped in fantasizing over getting bail.Little did I know that bail was just not going to happen and I was not going see the outside for a

very long time.

It took a long time to sink in, but I soon had to accept the fact that I was not in control ofanything but my mouth in prison, and if I didnt control that, I would get into lots of trouble. I

Page 4 of 23

7/27/2019 LOVE&FIRE

5/23

thank God, Im a fast learner, and good at fitting into extremely awkward situations. This stilldidnt solve the problem of sitting for hours and hours in processing cells to get to and fromcourt all the time. I abhorred it with every fiber of my being especially when I was with somany extremely dangerous or extremely weird people like; rapists, murderers and transsexuals(some really huge scary hairy men that looked like girls this was truly disturbing).

I soon became desensitized to everything. Nothing could faze me I had seen it all. Or so I

thought. I soon found out that life was a lot easier for those in the mainstream jail. So I signedout of protection and found it to be true more than true: many of my fellow dealers and manypeople that I knew and got to know that had a like mind were in this section. Jail becamenormal from that day. My learning curve and inside degree in criminology had started inearnest.

From the day I was put into mainstream prison I was able to communicate with people whowerent so strange. However I soon found out that almost everyone I had contact with nevertold the truth, and the spirit of the place was catching. I soon fell into lying and got caught upin the status quo of both conning, and being conned into small deals and whatever I could getmy hands on to get high, or make money for food and smokes. I eventually managed to get myguitar and TV. Soon though, I would embark on a new activity that would change not only mylife, but the lives of many people who I come in contact with. I began to read books. This was

hard, not that I had problems reading I actually had a major problem with attention to thestories. I would always start to think about everything but the book as I was reading it. For thisreason I had never read a book thicker than 15mm, and even that was only for sixth formEnglish. I had been in contact with many men in there that read books at a rate you wouldnever imagine and it triggered something inside me that witnessed that I could use my time inthere wisely and really get better at reading. So I started and found it to be the same as before but this time I did not have much else to do, so I soon became a book muncher.

After what seemed like ten years of claustrophobic mind-numbing torture of going to and froand getting stood over for my belongings (not that I gave in all the time), I was finallysentenced in the high court to serve two and a half years in prison, starting my sentence orwhats known in there as my lag, in the high medium security unit. I was in hopeful of gettingout on my first parole board hearing in ten months time. I lost no time setting myself up with

many contacts from all over the country and some international drug importers, so that when Igot out, I would be able to become a really big shot in the game that I had fixed in my mind. Ifantasized over this thousands of times. I had everything planned to make my millions withinweeks of my release.

Due to my very audible and excessive complaining about how much the unit sucked; I soongot moved from that horrible old, cold, mouldy unit, all the way to Wanganui Prison. I got sentto a brand new unit that had never been used before! I was excited that I could get into newclothes and new bedding and had a new toilet. The one thing I hated the most when I got put inprison from day one, was having to touch strange clothing that didnt bear thinking about whohad previously been wearing them and sleep in brown sheets which once were white, onmetal beds without anything (even mattresses) none of which smelled anything but fresh. Ihated it so much that Wanganui seemed like heaven to me. One thing I didnt like was thenews I soon heard that the parole judge in Wanganui was known to be really tough on drugdealers this wasnt what I wanted to hear. I had already made concrete plans, that centeredon my being released after my first parole board hearing.

As I settled in to the new unit I made more friends who I planned to convene with in moreextravagant illegal circles to make even more filthy lucre ($) than I had previously dreamed of.At the same time that I was planning moral destruction, my reading was getting stronger and Iwas reading a couple of thick books per week. I discovered a new treasure, Reading! Expandingmy mind had become my main goal and it was working very well. There were all sorts of bookscoming and going and my brain became very hungry for input and knowledge. A lot of thebooks were fictitious, but the odd philosophical one would tantalize my mind. I soon got rightinto fitness as our new prison had a gym with weights and a whole lot of men keen to do fitness

and body building. I welcomed this pastime. I dreamed a lot of getting out and flaunting mynewly-developed muscular body at the beach and as most guys do, I envisioned picking uplots of young women using the attraction of appearance and lust.

Page 5 of 23

7/27/2019 LOVE&FIRE

6/23

After reading many more mind expansion books that went beyond the secular ways that I hadgrown up with, I started to discover the esoteric truth behind unseen energies and the latentpower hidden in our bodies, or what I was coming to know of as our soul. I read a lot of newworld oneness religion books and many philosophical studies on the mind, body and soul.This I found very interesting and it sparked something inside me that wanted to see more intothe unseen realms of our existence that many people dont ever really care to fully investigate.Its such a shame that many dont give themselves time to look into these things. Life is not

what we think it to be when we judge it from the seen. I strongly believe that we are controlledand live by the influence of the unseen spiritual realm more than we live and are influenced bythe seen (material) world.

As my acceptance of the unseen things in life grew, so did my ideas of the truth. I often gaveChristians a hard time about their faith, dismissing religiosity as a hypocritical control regime. Iread parts of the New Testament of the Bible with a completely anti mindset that tried to pickout problems. Something kept me from understanding anything and it angered me, so I left italone. I often witnessed Christians arguing over Jesus Christ and different things I didnt paymuch attention but it further cemented my vain belief that it wasnt real and that I was on theright road to finding what was real indeed. I didnt realize back then just how much of the truthI was going to discover, or the amount of pure love and joy that would follow my imminentdiscovery. I was certainly not prepared for such revelations and satisfaction no one ever will

be its far beyond the normal imagination. We can only imagine things we have experienced,seen or been told of.

Without mixing any of the known ones:

Try to think of a new colour?

Chapter Seven:

Attacks of a Down

I was denied parole twice in Wanganui over a period of a year so I decided to get a studentloan and did a computer course, only so that I could get a computer in my cell (with my ownmoney). The process (I soon found out) was grueling and would go on for a while. During mystay in Wanganui I lost my grandmother, who was very dear to me, and I was allowed to attendher funeral. I was not too impressed with society at the time, I wanted to blame them forputting me in jail, yet I knew it was of my own doing. I knew deep down I was reaping what Ihad sown corruption. Seeing my grandma off was hard but I did it and saw many normalpeople again. It was rather weird this somewhat alleviated the grief that I was suffering. ThenI had to leave my loved ones to head back to the human zoo. I remember thinking that as wewere travelling back to Wanganui in the rented car.

Not too long after this devastation I got another phone call from my crying mother, telling me

that my best friend had gone to meet his Maker overnight after suffering massive brain injuriesduring a skateboard accident. This still hasnt really sunk in even to this very day as I write. Icannot believe it and couldnt accept it back then either. He was the only true friend that cameto visit me when I was inside, and now I had lost him completely dwelling in the world thatwaits

I was allowed to attend his funeral too this was very unusual as some people are not evenallowed to attend their own mothers funerals, but somehow I got let out. I read my farewellnote to my dear friend, I could barely finish the heartfelt letter, and my heart melted intosaddened darkness. This left me wondering about all sorts of situations to do with all sorts ofscenarios. Unlike my other mates who could drown their sorrows with drugs and copiousamounts of alcohol, I had to face my despair-filled mind. This was challenging but eventually Ijust shrugged it off and got on with my lag carrying another scar on my person. But it made me

wonder if there was an afterlife and if so, where did my precious friend go?

At this time I was working in the main prison kitchen, and had been for some time. My overallattitude to my time inside was to be relaxed and humble in order to avoid fights, because

Page 6 of 23

7/27/2019 LOVE&FIRE

7/23

fights equal trouble from both the authorities and the inmates. Once you fight, you becomeknown as a threat, and then all sorts can befall you. Yet sometimes when my pride was indanger of being rubbed in the dirt, I could not contain myself and fired up. The first timeoccurred back in the dirty age-old unit where I was remanded and sentenced, and this wasearly in the morning when I was blamed by a skinhead meth cook for making noise in the night.I yelled at him and then after breakfast, it was on.

He came storming down the corridor to my cell, so I walked in and put my remaining breakfastitems on my counter and turned to meet my foe. Due to my young life in martial arts, I easilyyet painfully controlled the situation without anyone being severely injured, before the screwscame crashing in and broke up the fight. In my anger, I lashed out at him in threat as theydragged him away. This brought the arms of the guards upon me as I looked like the bad guy.The case was taken to the superiors and I pleaded not guilty. I did not want to go without myTV and stereo, as well as being locked in cell confinement for a number of days. The VisitingJustice came and I represented myself. Due to three mitigating factors and the fact that myassailant was released, and the eyewitness was also released, I was found not guilty. I thankedthe higher powers that watched me. To me then, it was the law of karma now I thinkdifferently.

The next time I vented anger was in the kitchen at Wanganui Prison. We had to do lots of

routine duties during our shift and we shared the dirty hard jobs. But one man who was a lifer,(sentenced to life in prison for murder) thought he didnt have to do any dirty work, despite thefact that he was new in our kitchen. Because I was the longest in the kitchen, it seemed like noone else would say anything to him, so after a couple of months of him doing all the easy jobsthat take some skill, like cooking and prep work, I confronted him politely about it and he wentcompletely off the hook, I do so much work around here, how dare you say that to me, andhe charged at me like a red raging bull.

With both hands he grabbed me by the collar; I quickly locked those hands and dealt to him inwhatever way I could with my free hand. He managed to get free. As I kicked him he grabbedmy foot and then the other leg too. I had no choice but to grab the huge (thankfully) fixed potstand behind me and hold on for dear life while he tried to pull me to the floor, for a well-earned stomping. I was hanging on completely horizontal, between him and the pot stand, so,

with all my strength, I ripped a foot free and kicked him in the face (rather softly) as a brocame in and stood between us. Thank God for that. I hated to fight and always felt guiltyafterwards. The kitchen instructor came in, and told us that he would let us off if we shookhands. So I said sorry and shook his hand. My anger fuse was getting shorter and shorter. Itmust have been a mix of being locked up and a mental disturbance from losing two loved onesin such a short space of time. Whatever the cause, it was certainly showing and so were myambitions to wreak illegal havoc on society upon my release.

After all the ups and downs, I decided to give up cigarettes, I was getting really fit and intodifferent meditation techniques like Buddhism and Taoism etc. so I ordered some nicotinepatches and gave up upon their arrival.

Chapter Eight:

A Taste of Whats to Come:

The day after giving up I was informed that I was being moved to Waikeria Prison in TeAwamutu, because the parole judge on my second parole hearing had recommended that Iattend a six-month residential drug program called A.T.U. (Addiction Treatment Unit). When Ireceived this information, I bluntly refused as it was my decision if I wanted to do the course. Ididnt want to risk not getting my computer, which was due to arrive the following day. I wasvery comfortable in this unit and had no intentions of leaving.

Somehow, they talked me into it, saying that I would be allowed my nice stereo, my computerand all the things that I had already, which were considered luxuries. Little did I know that

where I was going was like going back in time one hundred years, and many of the liberties Ihad known and become very used to were about to become a thing of the past. Two days laterI was woken up at the crack of dawn.

Page 7 of 23

7/27/2019 LOVE&FIRE

8/23

On the horrible old prison bus I was smoked out by the other twelve inmates travelling up theline to be dropped at different prisons. It was the last thing I needed: to be put right in front ofthe smoke, just two days after quitting cigarettes. After what seemed like a decade of bumpysmoky freezing bus-riding, we arrived at the horrible old gothic prison. The guards didnt lookany more inviting either. Upon contact with them during the strip search at the receiving office I came to the conclusion that the haunted old prison had rubbed off on the employees. Theytreated me with indignation and malice. This was not for me I wanted to turn around and

leave. Oh how the cost of a little fun was coming home to me at this moment. It was almostlike I was homesick. Imagine being homesick in there. They would happily wrap you in apadded apron or straitjacket before you could even blink an eye if you started showing signs ofbrokenness.

Nevertheless, after about three hours of waiting in a slimy, mossy, mould-infested cell, thatwas about zero degrees in temperature, I was called and the guard came and unlocked thesteel door which was covered in years of graffiti. The van ride to the camp was long and it wascold and dark so I could not see where we were heading I did note that we were at least tenminutes drive from the receiving office when we arrived at the A.T.U. unit.

I was not a happy man at this stage. They had denied me my property. Actually, they hadnteven given me the time of day to answer my requests for it. I happened to be extremely

attached, especially to those nicotine patches. Prisoners are looked upon as scum and only thereal big gangsters get any sort of respect, especially when you are not known by the localscrews.

Upon arrival at the camp, I was briskly ushered into my cell across the square compound with afield in the middle. My cell was toasty warm this was a major contrast to the sub-zerotemperatures outside and everywhere else. At least I had warmth well, what seemed likewarmth in contrast to outside. But over the night in my empty cell, I soon discovered that thehorrible grey itchy blanket with holes in it was not going to cut the mustard - something had tobe done!

Oh, the joy of meeting sixty new inmates, each one with his own unique problems andpersonality; some with welcoming spirits and some who didnt let you look at them without

making a threat. Because I had no property, I had to have the standard small breakfast that Ihated. Without TV or any of my own books, I was forced to read the books that were discardedin the recreation room. I was not impressed when they told me that I may be waiting a week formy property. It ended up being three weeks and then it was only the bare essentials.

At the start of the program I met a range of drug associates that I thought would come inhandy later in my free life. I also discovered that we must cleave to a higher power in thisprogram of spiritual principles. This was new to me. I had always relied on myself and positivethinking to get me places and help me in life. Since I had started reading philosophical books, Idecided that my higher power was going to be the Universe. I went through the in-depthstudies really well, helping other guys in the program with things they struggled with inexchange for the recipe for making methamphetamine. I treasured this recipe, which wasdrawn up like a professional science paper.

By this stage in my lag I had read hundreds of books and was getting into my artwork, andanything that expanded my mind, as I knew upon my release, my priorities would not allow meto accomplish any more study of this magnitude. As I read more I started to discover that theremust be more to life than what we see. I wondered about this entity that is everywhere, thatwe call love. Love captivated me, and a lot of the books I read were going into great detail onthis marvelous energy that is all around us, and is infinite in resource. I also read that thosewho practice the art of becoming one with love harness it to do all sorts of amazing feats, fromrevelations of supernatural philosophies and wisdom, to healing of self and others. Even to thepoint of controlling future events by thinking and knowing while in these love-filled trances, andhaving absolute belief and faith in the intention of the heart. It was very confusing, yet I wascaptivated.

My beliefs began to evolve I was convinced that this was God that God was the Love in thisuniverse. I actually believed that mans consciousness would soon evolve to the point where allthose who practiced this love-oneness art would one day be transformed into a higher vibratory

Page 8 of 23

7/27/2019 LOVE&FIRE

9/23

state and exist in pure love with the love that is eternal. I read that Jesus Christ came to earthto show us the way to this state. I didnt believe in Christianity though that was out of thequestion, yet I believed that Jesus was a great man of wisdom who came to show us that byfaith we could become one with love and be transformed into a higher consciousness whichwould eventually bring heaven on earth. It seemed to be the trend that we dont deny Jesus butwe dont need Him as our sacrifice either. This is dangerous ground to be on yet it is sopleasing to the carnal human mind.

Chapter Nine:

The Truth Came Rushing In:

I started to share my beliefs with anyone who would listen, and soon found that people,especially the types in prison, were not too interested in this stuff. I even sometimes thought tomyself: Im one strange cookie; Im going to be a big time gangster dealer, and yet I want tofollow in the footsteps of Jesus, to become one with love and peace in the world. I was terriblyblinded by some sort of force deep in my mind that made me think that drugs were fine andpeaceful. This probably came from the shamanic inklings that I had this belief systemintrigued me and I thought they were peaceful and that their drug-taking spiritualism justified

my urban crystal meth scene escapades.

One day I was sharing this wonderful philosophy with a brother in my unit. He came up to meas I was sunbathing on the grass and we got talking about life and all sorts of things. He agreedwith me on some things but when it came to evolution and drugs he couldnt agree with mybelief that love and drugs could be mixed especially the agape love that I was talking about.The Love that I was coming to believe was God.

Ian was the brothers name I was convinced of my beliefs and there was no way that I wasgoing to part with drugs, and my life of making and dealing them. I couldnt even fathom theidea of not having them around, or the many friends and people that I had met and alreadyknew around the country and world that were going to make up my network of destruction onsociety. I often thought to myself: Hee hee, societys gonna wish they had never messed withme Im gonna turn these streets into dime-a-bag drug stops.

Music was another big thing to me. I loved dance music and knew all sorts of people in thescene that could help me go further into the life of music and international dance parties. I hadeven designed an interactive nightclub to develop with my millions that would have followedmy meticulously-planned regime.

But then there was this new way that something deep within me craved Ive always cravedmysterious things that cannot be explained. This love and faith and conscious evolution reallygot me thinking. I was always transfixed by the ability of martial artists to harness energy to dosupernatural feats of strength. What was the meaning of all these mysteries? I often asked myteachers in school science classes questions that they could not answer. Somehow I had

suppressed my craving for truth with drugs but that flame never went out, it just stayedburning very low, sometimes flickering, struggling to remain alight.

About a week after my spiritual conversation with Ian, he came up to me with a bland-lookingblue book that I had noticed him reading once. He showed me a passage in that book about amiracle that was done by faith in Jesus Christ. I was skeptical as I read it. Then he pulled outanother book that looked like it was older than he was, (but it wasnt). This book had a pictureof a lady who weighed only 22 kilograms she was skeletal and moments away from death.Due to stomach cancer, she hadnt eaten for months, remaining alive on intravenous fluid untilher veins collapsed. After the prayer she was pronounced healed. Another picture (taken eightmonths later) showed her as a normal healthy woman again, weighing 70 kilograms!

Ian didnt go on at me about my beliefs, but he did show me a few things that vindicated the

reality of supernatural powers. This opened me up to read that plain blue book he gave me. AsI read the book I discovered many supernatural things have been done by God in our era thiswas new to me. I thought God was an historic object of worship to the Christians not atangible Father that deals with those that love Him like a good father would treat his children in

Page 9 of 23

7/27/2019 LOVE&FIRE

10/23

natural life. I liked this book so much that I asked if he had any more only to find that this wasone of six books and that it was the biography of a man sent from God named William Branhamwho God raised up with a message to the end-time church, to prepare them for the secondcoming of Jesus Christ. So many amazing things were done by God through this man, fromraising the dead to actual creation. It really caught my attention, and for the first time,Christianity seemed real to me and not just man-made fallacy.

My mind was screaming with truth and amazement! I had finally seen evidence that not onlydoes God does exist, but we have hope for something more than nothingness after death! Mymind did not yet grasp nor believe this in its fullness, however, I had come to a great crossroadin my life. The single most important question EVER in all existence had been illuminated witha torch. I was yet to have my fire fuelled and fanned but the flame was burning steady now,and I was feeding on God ordained treasures. The true depth and greatness of who and whatGod Is had not yet come to me not in the slightest Im still getting those revelations to thisday!

Chapter Ten:

Faith v. Reason

My mind was very stubborn and not inclined to believe in things that were not infallibly provenbeyond a shadow of a doubt. I suppose that was why I had never believed in God I had notexperienced Him, I had not seen or heard anything substantial concerning Him until thatblessed moment. I devoured those books reading almost one per night and after that I wantedto know more and more. I was getting an ever-so-slight taste of that drug that has no badside effects, that brings satisfaction, peace and untold joy that never wears off. Only theslightest taste of this heavenly life was given to me. I was still not committed to God in anysubstantial way.

I was caught in a double-minded state; one side wanted this truth and freedom of everythingthat was good, it wanted to be red-hot for God and taste more of this wonderful marvelousheavenly gift. The other side wanted all the filthy money and drugs and rock-star lifestyle that

the world had to offer. That side was starting to seem very dark and selfish I had alreadyreceived a lot of psychology and moral training on the effects my illegal enterprise had onsociety in all corners of life from family to spiritual. So I had new light shed upon my actions yet I still had no conscience whatsoever. Nothing could faze me my inner being wasuntouchable.

Nevertheless, the light of Gods truth seemed so much more real than anything that wasoffered by the world and whoever it is that ran the world. My ignorance about anything inChristianity was vast. Some miracles, a taste of love, and a prophet was all I really knew. Idecided to read the Bible with my new belief that God really does exist. I couldnt believe whatI was seeing this Word was really different and because God was now true to me, so was HisWord, because He made it clear that He is the Word. So I believed it, even if it sounded weird, Ibelieved it anyhow. Most of it I didnt even the slightest bit understand all these symbols and

signs and metaphors everywhere. It seemed to me that it all needed to be read between thelines at the best of times.

I started from the start and got about a quarter of the way into the Bible. This took a while. Itwas a lot for my natural mind to comprehend, so much life and truth. Then Ian got some MP3CDs of preaching and teaching about the Bible and Revelation so we put them on mycomputer. I loved listening to these sermons as they so clearly opened the Bible from the startto the finish. William Branham was so simple and so humble that God used him bysupernaturally inspiring him to reveal the hidden secrets, and forgotten truths of the Bible,some of which had been distorted or squashed out by the churches errors.

The more I got into these teachings, the more I realized how blessed I was to be hearing andbelieving these truths and treasures that fulfilled every want and mysterious desire in every

fiber of my being. All the philosophies of becoming one with love I found were staple doctrinesthat were written in the symbols of the Bible. The Book that I had always passed off as simple-minded and unlearned in true intellectual philosophies and wisdom I soon found to my delightto be the source of everything, and all existence is mapped to utter perfection in every way in

Page 10 of 23

7/27/2019 LOVE&FIRE

11/23

this eternal book of life and love. I found that God really is love and that because He is Love, Heloves us with Love so strong and pure that nothing can overcome that, nothing ever.

I would like to note that one night in my prison cell I was listening to some particularlywonderful preaching and then after the sermon as the prophet was about to pray, another manin the audience started speaking loudly in another language! I had never heard anything like itbefore! Then after that another man clearly interpreted this unknown language. Something

deep within me moved and I started to cry like a baby. Somehow I knew so clearly that this wasnot the words of a man, this was Almighty God Himself speaking and it became so real andpersonal to me. This, I found out later was one of the nine manifestations of the Holy Spirit thatwere given to the church to guide her and to hear from God. Its called tongues andinterpretation.

I was sold. These amazing inspired teachings of William Branham, through the grace, powerand glory of Jesus Christ, were starting to anchor something eternal in my heart. I found suchprofound perfection and truth with this Word that I just couldnt believe that many more peoplewerent reading it for their source of everything. But then it dawned on me that you cannothave this Book as your source for everything if you dont believe it. God requires respect andbelief in Him before He opens up the infinite glory and love of His Word to the reader. I readparts of the Bible many times as I grew up, and in jail as a critic. I could never find anything in

it to praise and It never did anything for me other than rouse anger and vain pity on those thatread It. I gave Christians a hard time about many things. I only found the truth behindChristianity by Gods grace and unfeigned love after all the bad things I had said about Hischildren. All the things I said of His churches and all the hideous things that ministers haddone hey! Wait! What about all that?

My mind had lots of questions that needed to be answered before I would believe. Even thoughI partly believed, there was still a natural versus spiritual war in my head with all my questionslike: Christian means to be Christ-like, all these cold formal denominational churches wherewas the fire and Christ-like miracles and signs in them? And what about these liberalmovements that allowed almost anything into their congregations? Then there were all thehuge claims in the Bible that were laughed at by science as impossible. These questions wereall soon to be answered by the grace of God. What a reigning living God we have!

More and more revelation was coming to me and more and more things were trying to pull mefrom this truth that was setting me free. I had still not asked Jesus to be my Saviour or anythingof that sort. I was very interested, but I had the keys for the illegal world in my cell whatriches and debauched fun I was going to have with this! On the other hand I had the blueprintfor life eternal, the keys to the kingdom of heaven, and my potential faith in Gods Word. Ireally didnt know much about it at that stage and was hungry to learn more. Then one daysomething struck me I cant explain it but I realized that I must have Jesus as my Lord(master) and Saviour if I was to go any further. That was all it took for me to get on my kneesin prayer things started to change in my mind and way of thinking. My whole heart and soulwas beginning to see things differently not drastically but differently. I knew what I had to doto make myself right, what step I had to take to come into communion with God; yet I stilldidnt want to do these things. I awaited a full spiritual purging of darkness

Chapter Eleven:

Battle Within

My flesh and carnal mind were still calling the shots in my life but I was fighting my carnality byforcing myself to give up certain things that were contrary to Gods Spirit. Praise the Lord, Hisblueprint was the one that prevailed on that day and the others were flushed down Ians toilet!

Page 11 of 23

7/27/2019 LOVE&FIRE

12/23

It wasnt easy, but it was a step of faith on my part which meant a step closer to knowing theriches of the blessings of our Father in heaven. I really wanted to experience somethingtangible for myself from Him, along with the pure joy I was getting from hearing the truth andthe mysterious secrets of untold wisdom and powerful righteousness.

I was on the long road to perfection in Christ. I was discovering that it is not all easy and donefor you. Theres a road to becoming one with God and He will lead you on that road. It took a

revelation from God to show me that I dont need to worry about how Im going to get there. Ijust need to trust in Him to teach and guide me in the way He wants me to go. We must pressin, often going against what our flesh wants, and listen to what He says. One step of faith fromus will get us closer as He draws us in. Our path to perfection in Christ is a road of trials anddeep character development. We will bear scars by the time Gods finished dealing in our lives.Praise God, He conditions us to be individual, caring, wise, and loving. A true family born byone Spirit, He trains us up so we can live like Jesus did, and do the same works that He didwhen He was dwelling on earth.

By faith in the Lord Jesus Christ we are saved. Theres no other name under heaven or on earththat we can be saved by but His name! Thats an amazing and powerful truth. God promisedfrom the beginning that He would one day write His laws on our hearts supernaturally. This wasdone when Jesus died on the cross. His blood paid for our sins and by our acknowledgement

and appreciation of His love for us, and His death, burial, and resurrection, He puts His life inour hearts. His very morals, patience, love, and peace come into us in the form of Spirit. WhenJesus ascended up into heaven and was glorified He sent down His Spirit, His very life to allthose that believe Him and all His sayings.

Peter and many others waited in a room seeking Jesus Spirit for ten days after Jesus rose intoheaven. Then the Spirit came and filled them. Straight away Peter started preaching toeveryone who was standing around. These people knew Peter and knew he was uneducated sothis new boldness and perfection of speech must have stunned them. These people weretouched by Gods Spirit which convicted them, making them feel like they needed to dosomething about their lives and spiritual condition. They all asked Peter what to do and underthe fresh anointing of the Holy Spirit, Peter said: Repent every one of you and be baptized inthe name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of sins and you shall receive the gift of the Holy

Spirit. This promise is to you, and to your children, and to them who are afar off, and evenas many as the Lord our God shall call. Thank God He is still calling us today! For how muchlonger I dont know, but Im in love with Him and Ive found nothing more enlightening andjoyous.

I started to hunger for more of Jesus, for more of these amazing truths that I had spent mywhole life mocking and doubting with all self-righteousness and malice. My two-thirds parolehearing became due and I had a number of mitigating certificates in my favour now that mycourse was completed. I also planned to inform the judge of my new-found faith in the love andpromises of Jesus. This hearing went well until I mentioned Jesus. It seemed like I was treadingon thin ice, and I was told to come back in two months. I couldnt believe it. I was so sure Iwould get out, and had planned around my release.

Nevertheless, I accepted this as a sign from the Lord that I wasnt spiritually ready to bereleased into the snares and temptations of life outside. This was truer than I could haveknown. I spent the next two months working toward the completion of a book I was writing thatcompiled all the meanings and secrets of the book of Revelation revealed through the prophetWilliam Branham. I had discovered the amazing continuity of the scriptures from the beginningto the end of the Bible, and it was all shown in this book of Revelation. The truth contained inthese prophesies really showed me how infinite Gods mind is, and how the seven citiesthroughout the ancient continent of Asia Minor were perfect metaphors and examples of thespiritual conditions of the different church through the ages. I discovered that misledChristians would lead many into darkness through false prophesies, and would steer millionsfrom Him by adding to, and taking from the truth of God in His unchanging Word. I soondiscovered the importance of staying with this precious Bible. I also found out that Jesus is the

Word and the whole objective in true Christianity is to bear witness of the Living Jesus as Hemanifests Himself in your life. I realized that I needed to be filled with the Holy Spirit. That isJesus living in my heart. Jesus said: You must be born again by the Holy Spirit! If you arent, you

Page 12 of 23

7/27/2019 LOVE&FIRE

13/23

cannot see the kingdom of heaven. And when you are, your life will show it by the fruit youbear.

The end of these two months came so quickly that I hadnt even completed the draft of mybook. Somehow I knew that it would be a long while until I would have it finished, or even workon it again in earnest. I was granted parole, and now that the day had finally come all mythoughts were changed. But were they? I hadnt really had a supernatural changing experience

I did not feel truly converted yet. My belief was very intellectual and my religious stance wasvery aggressive. God is not found in education and theology. There still wasnt a complete newmind and heart within me and my urges to experiment in the desires and lusts of my fleshwere still very real within my body. My old sinful nature hadnt been washed away and buriedin Christ.

Chapter Twelve:

Released Into Bondage

I really couldnt believe that I was getting out of jail it had been just over two years since Iwas last at liberty to walk the streets a free man. Spiritually, I still had one foot in the worldand one foot in Christ. I was lukewarm, even though Jesus plainly says: I would rather you were

cold or hot and because you are lukewarm I will spew you out of my mouth. I didnt want tobe spewed out of Jesus mouth for being lukewarm in my service and worship of Him. Yet I wasstill imprisoned by the bonds of sin. I was very young in Christ with only a little knowledgeabout the book of Revelation. I had neglected the more important side of my salvation: thecomplete freedom and deliverance from the fleshly curse and desire to sin. As a consequence, Iwas soon led into drinking by my old school mates who had taken up heavy drinking after ourgood friend passed away well over a year before.

I dont know if this means anything, but as I was working on my neighbours new house mybrother took a photo of me, and above my shoulder was a dark round sphere with what lookedlike a purple face inside. I thought this was some sort of evil spirit on my shoulder, encouragingme to join my many old friends in drinking and smoking pot. This was the subject of mythoughts at the time of the photograph. I was reasoning with my conscience and my knowledgeof the truth of Jesus. Yet something was inside me, pulling me into a tempting array of eventsthat I had been invited to attend with my old mates somehow this seemed more inviting tome than preaching the Gospel to strangers and spreading the Good News that Jesus lives andis available to all those that seek His amazing presence. I had not as yet tasted of the blessingsthat follow such a life. I was incredibly blinded as I was being led away by diverse lusts. Adouble-minded man is unsure in all his ways and is carried about like the waves of the sea:this verse had my name written all over it. I started out on alcohol, and slowly gave way toanything that was available.

I slowly strayed further and further into the realms of sin and death, but this time round Ialways knew in my mind that there was a loving Father watching my perilous behavior with adismayed heart. No doubt at the door of my heart, calling me back to fellowship with Him:

longsuffering, knowing the future and feeling the pain of what I was going to do before I evendid it. Oh what a God worthy of all praise, with abundant patience and loving-kindness!Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.

I eventually became infatuated with the production of dance music and taking substances thatallowed me to stay awake all night partying, and eventually went back into dealing for myassociates. But for some reason nothing was going how I wanted it to go, and eventually Istarted falling asleep during the festivities around me. Bad idea... It led to many practical jokesbeing played on my body while I was asleep. One time my friends videoed as they lit my hairon fire, and watched it burn for thirty seconds, while not even one hair was being singed! Iknew there was someone watching over me. Yet I had to endure the open shame of a face fullycoloured-in with vivid pens or a two-month old (multi-coloured) trifle being tipped on my face.Oh how I hated this, and I just couldnt understand how I was falling asleep, or why my ability

to fit in to these circles was being taken from me.

Page 13 of 23

7/27/2019 LOVE&FIRE

14/23

Chapter Thirteen:

A Stranger At Heart

It was almost as though I was no longer of this world in the sense that I had been partiallyseparated from its ways and spirit. Soon I was not getting a hit from the alcohol or even drugs!I would drink from Friday to Friday without any effect, unless of course I drank hot Scotch

whiskey, and crushed ecstasy pills into a hot water solution and shot it back. Even thosepractices became mundane and lifeless. I always reminisced on the small taste of joy I hadexperienced in my last days of jail. It struck me that I had felt freer locked up inside thoseconcrete walls than I had in these high-end party circles in what society calls freedom.

It came to the hopeless point of my slide back into darkness where I had not prayed or evenspoken to Jesus for months. I had a lot of new acts of sin up my sleeve but for some reason, ithad all become stale and boring. Something divine was calling me I was afraid to answer, Iknew if did He would take me away from all this lust and instant gratification. I was pleasingmyself with anything I wanted. Yet when it came time to go home on Sunday night after a solidweekend of drug abuse and drinking with DJs and loud music I felt lost and empty. There wassomething deep calling to something deep within me.

To make matters worse for my mind, every now and then a letter would come from prison.Letters from Ian asking how I was; there would always be scriptures and encouragementswritten in them and it would eat away at me. Inside I was reminded of the life with Christ I hadbeen so zealously keen to live. I would always press these thoughts as far back as I could in mymind. I know now that these letters really helped, along with Ians prayers and the prayers ofmy sister and her friends in Christ.

There was a small fire deep inside that the evil spirit squatting within me had tried to quench,but something had kept that blessed little fire burning ever so slightly, no matter how muchalcohol or unbelief I piled onto it. It came to the point where my selfish desire to feed myselfish wants was robbing me of all my potential prosperity in life. I had fallen from any form ofvirtue. I had ventured far from any form of honour. I had become a reprobate and a scourge onsociety. Somehow through my uncontrollable drug taking, I had earned myself a very lowlyreputation among the underworld scene in the city. How had this happened and why? No onewanted me to come to their parties! I became a burden to anyone and just about everyone.

Through my own downward spiral of selfishness I had became part of the lowest level ofsociety, even in the eyes of the world! This grieved me deeply; how must I have looked to therighteous eyes of the Creator of this universe? Such a holy and true God must have forsakenme by now. Yet I still held fast my follies and fed the darkness inside me with anything thatmade me not sober enough to think too much about my hopeless case of idiocy. I knew thatthere was a patient, waiting, loving Father that was calling me: I could feel and almost hear theblessed Shepherds divine call.

Chapter Fourteen:

The Call of Life

Something was dividing inside me something was dividing my soul from my spirit. I cantexplain the experience! I again started listening to the sermons of Gods prophet WilliamBranham. It was a strange sound and it was not welcomed by the evil presence that had calledmy body its home for the last ten months (at least). This parasite life was a demon living in meblinding me to my spirits call and hunger for righteousness thats only found in Jesus Christ.Nevertheless, I ignored the demonic voice and duly forced these inspired strictly biblicalteachings into my ears while I slept each night. Eventually I added them to my MP3 player atwork. After two weeks of this I flicked the Bible open for the first time in months. The scripturethat immediately came to my eyes was, Touch not the unclean thing and I (Jesus Christ) willreceive you.

It was lucky, well not lucky, but destiny, through the grace of God, that I remembered thatblessed scripture: Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that

Page 14 of 23

7/27/2019 LOVE&FIRE

15/23

shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he thatsoweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.That is what gave me the idea tostart sowing to the spirit by feeding the tiny little fire inside me that was starving for spiritualfood. Thats why I put the sermons on at night even though I didnt want to hear them, and Iwas still taking drugs, and going out every night to socialize with people who took drugs anddrank heavily. I still fed my spirit with the Word of God. I knew deep down that this would startto wash me from the inside. I knew that without this washing by the Word of God I would have

no chance of coming off my profuse socializing, drinking, and drug-taking habits. Without thiscleansing I would never get the chance to find Gods perfect will for my life, and I was wellaware that Jesus had admonished: Only those that do My Fathers will, will enter the kingdomof heaven.

What I didnt realize was that this would happen a lot more quickly than I thought. Within twoweeks I had deleted most of the profane music from my MP3 player and was replacing it withsermons! Then came the blessed moment when I read the scripture (Touch not the uncleanthing and I (Jesus Christ) will receive you), telling me the condition by which Jesus would acceptme back. I wanted so badly to feel that love thats far greater than this whole universe that nowords can ever describe. Oh how I longed for that from deep within my silently-crying spirit.Only God could hear my spirits silent cry I was too overcome with sin to discern my ownspiritual needs. Yet the deep call from God, and His grace, put the desire in me for inner

cleansing, oh the love divine.

Just two weeks into my journey to the amazing love and peace, I decided not to touch Class Adrugs the coming weekend. My mates laughed me to scorn; they knew me very well, andcouldnt even fathom the idea of me not taking any drugs. I was a veteran of drug-taking andacting the fool. I was a fool for the Devil, but I wanted now to be a fool for Christ. So theweekend came and went; amazingly I refrained from going out and joining the normal drug-taking escapades despite many more invites out than usual. I wonder why there were moreinvites than normal. It made it hard but I withstood. That night, for the first time in more thanten months, I spoke to my patient, loving, understanding heavenly Father. I opened my heartto Him and asked Him to accept me. He gladly accepted me with open arms! He showed suchmercy and love I had never experienced. I asked Him to take all my desires for the world away,I asked Him for freedom from the desire for drugs, I pleaded with Him to help me come out of

the turmoil that I had got myself into.

He accepted me with open arms of love and understanding! He held out His unchanging handand I took hold of It knowing that Id never let it go again. I knew that I would never find anysatisfaction from the perverted world that Satan had constructed to replace the true joys andpeace that is provided free of charge from the Creator of this world. I knew that one day ourheavenly Father would take this world back into His possession, and burn all the diseases andevil lives that plague this world, to cleanse it for Himself and those that love Him. I wanted tobe with Him and with all those that become one with Him, all those that become one with Love.Love endures long, and is kind, love never envies, love never vaunts, is never full of pride, doesnot behave itself unseemly, seeks not her own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil, does nottake pleasure in iniquity, but rejoices in truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes allthings, endures all things. Love never fails. God is Love and I wanted to become one with Him.

After my prayer, I started to walk closer with God. It got to the point where I had to tell myfriends not to come round and get me for after work sessions of pot. The Devil tried his utmostto tempt me and for weeks tried to hound me into going out on the town and taking drugs, butthe Lord Jesus had accepted me back and I looked to Him for help. He led me onto a path thatwould soon become a more blessed journey than I could ever have dreamt of. Theres nothingmore amazing! I started to learn about true salvation found by faith in Jesus.

I read more of the Word and sermon and books which opened my eyes to what Jesus had donefor me: giving me complete deliverance from my desires for worldly things and my addictionsto alcohol and drugs, just through one simple heart-felt prayer of repentance and help. Heknew my heart and knew that I really wanted to change. He knows your heart and if you really

want to change, He can take all your desires for the perverted world away too. He that is afriend of the world is an enemy of God. You will soon taste something beyond your wildestimagination a true, living, tangible God of infinite power, possibility and love, He loves you

Page 15 of 23

7/27/2019 LOVE&FIRE

16/23

and awaits your acceptance of Him. God was in the world, it was made by Him, and they knewHim not.

Prayer must be a cry from the heart I truly wanted and needed this deliverance. He is such afaithful Father that I was given complete healing from all demonic powers and forces that I hadallowed into my life partly through ignorance, and partly through my decision to feed myfleshly desires. After my prayers for deliverance from the desire for sin I was completely free

and all my unrighteous desires completely left me instantly. What a wonderful God we have.Unlike other religions, where you have to strive to give up your old ways on your own, wehave an amazing Father that does it for us, He puts the desire for righteousness in our hearts.All He requires is full surrender to Him. I am so free that my heart bursts with joy unspeakable.It is available today if you so desire it

Character is not a gift, it is a victory! Just like a lump of coal on its journey to becoming adiamond; I was being pressed and refined certain character traits and habits were droppingoff as my journey of complete surrender continued. This is called the sanctification process.Just like the refining of gold, these traits sometimes need to be beaten out of us with trials andbattles that develop inner strength. I have gone through many of these trials, and count themas blessings, yet at the time they are not pleasant. I always look to God for the meaning andlesson that is intended.And we know that all things work together for good to them that love

God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. God is always at our side and withinus along these paths to righteousness, to help and guide us and shape us into men and womenthat have the necessary character for His glorious work.

Chapter Fifteen:

I Give You My Life

For weeks after my initial prayer for deliverance, I would burst with joy and rejoice in anythingof Jesus Christ. I watched a DVD about Abraham and wept most of the way through it. This newfeeling just had me overwhelmed with celestial joy that has no words can describe. I believethat God was filling me with His Spirit and regenerating my soul. These experiences are so veryspecial to me. I dont have an exact moment in time like some people when I know I was filledwith Gods Spirit, but I do know that I have experienced God many times and now feel Hispresence in me when I rest in Him. He restores my soul and keeps me true to Him.

After a few months of fellowship with God I felt it right to carry out the very importantcommission and sacrament of water baptism. This symbolizes our old nature being dead inChrist, as we go down into the water and our new body quickened in the Spirit, as we come up(resurrected) out of the water. Paul said in Galatians 2:20: I am crucified with Christ:nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ lives in me, and the life which I now live in the flesh Ilive by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. Read Romans 6:4-6too. I had witnessed a lot of contention in the denominational world of Christianity as to how weshould be baptized. I also was very aware that it is of paramount importance that we have itdone correctly. Gods way is one!

Because of all the many different ways people said to be baptized I decided to have it done theway the Bible said it was done throughout the book of Acts. (This book is located in the Bibleimmediately after the four Gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.) Peter said on the day ofPentecost that we should repent and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remissionof sins, and we shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. He said that this promise is for as manyas the Lord our God shall call. So I was baptized exactly how Jesus told us to be: in the name ofJesus Christ, which is the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. JesusChrist is the name of our God!

Once I was baptized, I really started to feel Gods presence in more real ways in my life. Thedevil was attacking me left right and centre, but once you truly get the revelation from God,theres nothing that can take it away. Thats my hope and stay: anchored in Christ. I was still at

the point where I was happy to just live clean and listen to the prophets sermons at home andhear the Christian music I still had on my PC. I was writing to Ian again and had informed him ofmy slide back into sin. It was actually the first edition of this very testimony that I used to tellhim of my antics. My hunger for God was increasing daily! Oh how I longed to get closer to

Page 16 of 23

7/27/2019 LOVE&FIRE

17/23

Him, like all true believers do. Then one day after hearing from Ian and also being prompted bythe Holy Ghost, I decided to get into fellowship. There was a calling deep inside me thatneeded to be challenged and nurtured.

It was time to step outside my comfort zone and look for a church. God led me to a humblesmall fellowship that believed the prophets message. I had been to a few other churches butthey were all compromising on the Word of God, even though to the outside eye they were

very prosperous. I could not stand the treachery of worldliness in the church. I love the purityof the Word and am zealous to live a life free from all worldly influence. I have always been anall or nothing person.

The turning point in my walk with God had started. Following my baptism my life started togrow in the grace of God. The Word did promise that if I was baptized then I would receive thegift of the Holy Ghost. I knew that we needed the Spirit of God living in us to go to heaven asthe Bride of Jesus Christ in the rapture. It was a little confusing because my life had changed sodrastically before my baptism that I really felt I was already born again. This didnt hinder meat all to carry out baptism though and once it was done I felt that my life was going to take ona new shape.

It certainly did, God brought many people across my path and we started a Bible study group

and had wonderful studies on so many topics. There were times when our views were differentbut we kept going. Many people would come and go, once they experienced our stronguncompromising stance on the Word of God. I always hated that, but God helped me throughit. The straight and narrow walk with God is glorious when you find it. My hunger for the Wordof God and intense desire to grow in Christ was becoming so great that I would constantly talkabout Him, tell everyone I could about Him, and surround myself with Christian teaching. I wasfree indeed, but surely becoming captive to the Lord Jesus and His wonderful riches.

Many wonderful things started happening in my life and God was truly opening His mysteriousWord up to me. He was showing me who I was, and placing me in His kingdom. Oh what acomfort it was to me to have God deal in my life. I was so zealous for the Word and for theprophets message that I became a zealot, and would be rather aggressive in some situations.To me, things were so black and white, you were either a real Christian or not at all. I would

nail it into people and anyone who would listen. I had a lot to learn! I really needed to know thepatience and love of Christ and actually practice it in my own walk.

I was interacting with many different types of Christians, and always found it hard tounderstand how there are so many different beliefs and interpretations of the Bible. I was soglad that God has sent a prophet to clear up all the false interpretations. I found it hard toreally fellowship with some people even though they called themselves Christians. They werevery different from me in conduct and holiness and in fervency for Jesus. I am by no meanssaying that I am better than them, for my own calling is totally in the hands, and through thegrace of God. I still loved and wanted to be friends with these people but for some reason theyoften thought I was strange for being so hard out for Christ. I found that not many accept theprophets message, as it goes against the traditions of the church. That has the same patternthroughout the whole of history, from Moses to John the Baptist. Very few true prophets wereaccepted by the masses. They were often rejected and murdered by religious people even as itwas with Jesus.

A line from a song resonated in me. The words are: Though none go with me still will I follow.To walk really closely with the Lord can be tough from a human perspective. But Jesus meantmore to me than any relationship or popularity with man. I was certainly willing to take the waywith the Lords despised few. Why should I be carried home on a flowery bed of ease, whileothers fought to win the cross and sailed though bloody seas? I was discovering that everygeneration that walks with God will suffer for it, and to really know the truth is bitter-sweet.

I remember the day I decided to lay a milestone down in my life, a marker to show the day thatthe old me died and I was born again in Christ by the baptism of the Holy Ghost. I got a hat

made that had embroidered on the front God knows and on the back, the date: 22.08.08. Iwanted a tangible tombstone; to have something real to use as a witnessing tool to my familyand friends.

Page 17 of 23

7/27/2019 LOVE&FIRE

18/23

I was listening to stunning sermons from Gods prophet which were (and still are) making meever so zealous for the church to wake up and really get into the fullness of her privilege andcome to maturity like the first church in the Bible. Oh how I long for a real pouring of GodsSpirit on His people so that all would flock together in unity and love. This was surely becomingthe story of my life in between work and wrestling with the devil and his traps and temptationsset for me. We had many precious brothers and sisters coming through who would teach methings about the Lord. I would meet many people who I would show the message of Bro

Branham and most would just turn their noses up and hold tight to their traditions. But I knewso deeply that this was true and if anyone would really look into it, they would also find thepearl of great price and find out who the Messiah truly is. God was really dealing with mycharacter. I believe that rejection plays a big part in character development.

There were times when I would have no work being a building contractor, so I would lockmyself in my bedroom in my parents garage and study the Bible, listen to sermons and praymy heart out. Oh my! God would open amazing things to me and show me wonderful truths; Iwould always be straight on my phone or the internet to share these pearls. Some people wereappreciative; some did not like the challenge. I was being softened in my approach over time,God was teaching me how to be wise in my timing and delivery of truth. My relationship wasdeepening greatly and so were the challenges ahead. The stronger I became in the Lord, thefiercer the enemys attacks became.

After about a two week hide-away prayer time and fellowship with God in my room, and afew lectures from my hard-working dad, I decided to seek work. I rang around and soughtdetails of a few well-known firms that dealt in the same industry as I did. I felt it on my heart togo back into ceiling fixing and more complex work as I had majored in plaster board fixing for awhile and I felt it was time to refresh myself in the complete trade. In hindsight I do think thatGod was at work and had plans for me in the places where I would soon find myself. After a fewinterviews one firm said I should email my CV and he said via email that he would get back tome if any work turned up. Within the day, he emailed me back and said I should come for aninterview on the Monday following. At the interview he let me know that the moment he got offthe phone, or maybe it was after emailing me, the job board started to fill up; hence I wassitting before him three days later.

Wow! I thought to myself as he was speaking, Shall I tell Him that God is at work? But Irestrained myself and waited for another day to share my faith with him. So my litmus test wasanswered and God even stopped the other prospective jobs from calling. I had previouslyprayed that God would open the doors according to His will and place me where He wanted meto be. It turned out that a great number of the workers in this firm were either backsliddenbelievers or people who needed direction and a light to shine on their paths. God was at work!On the first site I was at, a door opened and I started giving a few men a Word for the dayscripture each day. This was awesome! God opened many doors through this channel andcontinues this day to witness to these men and many others on job sites. They are watching usmore than we think! Its only in the will of God that we are we truly free.

Recalling an incident that happened at work a while back: I had resolved in my heart to reallypray through in the mornings before work. Prior to this my prayers were rather short andsweet on weekday mornings due to time restrictions. So I decided to really start praying beforework, to take the presence and reality of God with me. That day while working my mobilephone rang and it was Ian. We had our conversation which was almost entirely about God andwhat He was doing. I finished the call and said, I love you brother, God bless you. When Iwent back into the room, there was a man there who started to blaspheme the name of theLord Jesus! I felt anger rise in me, and said: He will be your best friend! He started hurlingabuse at me; my anger rose and my adrenalin levels started rising also! Then something saidin my heart: He was raised a Catholic and witnessed a lifeless religion. Something bad hadhappened to him! I was also very aware that because I had really stepped up my game as adisciple of Christ, the battles I would now face would also become more intense and vigorous. Iasked the man, who was now cursing God openly and very loudly, if he had a background ofreligion, and he confirmed what I was shown in my mind to be correct. From then on we had a

different reaction to each other but he knew that I meant business with God, and even morerecently I have had the opportunity to share with him the love of God and a few sermons. Godonly lets us go through things which our character can handle, so the more time we spend intrue prayer we are better equipped for the trials that come our way. I have found that the

Page 18 of 23

7/27/2019 LOVE&FIRE

19/23

harder the battles are that we overcome; the stronger we grow in the Lord. I believe it is vitallyimportant to talk with God and really build your relationship with Him through conversation andprayer. At first, prayer was rather laborious for me but as my heart started to love God moreand He showed me greater truths, I really started to see the effect and need for prayer in mylife. If I had gone through this challenge a week earlier, without the presence of God being soprominent, the outcome would have been so different.

New Years Eve 2008 My Bible study group decided to camp out the night. We all met up andmade our way to the forest park camp ground only to find out we were ten minutes too late,and the gates had shut. We all ended up going back to one of the guys place to spend thenight singing, fellowshipping, and making melody to the Lord. With us was a new girl who hadjust returned from a mission trip to Africa, we had good conversations about the Lord andenjoyed sharing experiences. Little did I know that this girl, who I had just met, would one day

soon be given to me by God as my wife! Her name is Bronwyn

We got on very well and I really enjoyed her love for the Lord. People started talking about us,and this wasnt very pleasing to Bronwyn who had planned her life to be Gods girl as a midwifein Africa, living the life of a single lady in service and devotion to Jesus Christ. She hadexperienced many amazing things while in the spiritually alive villages in Africa. We are verysheltered here in the west. I was always asking her of her experiences and how God moves so

marvellously in places where there is great hunger and real faith. One day we acknowledgedour mutual feelings for each other and really went to seeking God about it. Before thishappened I must mention that we were at a Pentecostal-type meeting where many prophecies(foretelling of future events), were being spoken. When I walked in, I was full of Gods Spirit andfull of His love and grace, so these people started coming up to me and saying how they wereintrigued by the presence around me, and started prophesying over me. One woman took measide and said: God is preparing you a wife.

Just the previous week to these meetings, I had already resolved in my heart that if Godwanted me to remain single my whole life, I was happy to, providing He took my desire forfemale companionship away. But if He wanted me to have a wife, then I would also be verythankful. My life was, and still is, completely surrendered to Him and this is the only way I canexperience true freedom. Gods will be done. So after all these prophecies and prayers

Bronwyn and I realized our feelings for each other, even though there was complete denial fora while on Bronwyns part. Its hard to give up a strong ambition especially when its a missionfor the Lord. But God had different plans for her. Better plans. (Thank you Lord!) It suited mefine, shes very beautiful and has a lovely nature.

We could have wonderful fellowship and amazingly enough I could express my deep love andzeal for God and His Word and she didnt think I was weird like many others who calledthemselves Christians. This was really special. One day we went for a bush walk together withthe intentions of really getting away from the sinful city and business of life to seek Godtogether. We found a nice high place about forty-five minutes into the hills and got down tosome real prayer. Jesus showed a vision of us walking with Him between us in paradise.Bronwyn thought: OK, thank You Lord, You just want us to be friends. Then Jesus said: If youkeep Me central, you will always be connected. WOW! Glory to God that was one of manyconfirmations! It was really important to us, even with our feelings rising, to be one hundredpercent certain that we were the two meant for each other. We wanted only what God wanted.Thats always the best way.

Bronwyn mentioned to me that in the past she had been woken in the night, and promptedduring the day by God to pray for her future husband. Dates in her journal lined up with myexperiences! This was another confirmation that we were to be together. God is faithful! Forexample: the hat I had made matched exactly a date in her journal, while she was in Africa,when she was woken in the night to pray for her future husband. God had told her (on22/08/08) that I was about to make a momentous life decision! It truly was that! There wasmore to that hat than I realized at the time of getting it made. It certainly raised my faith andthe motif on the front: God knows is so very true. I was realizing that God really has

everything in control if we would just trust Him. We were really seeking Him for His blessing,this we got soon after and God truly poured out His blessing for us.

Page 19 of 23

7/27/2019 LOVE&FIRE

20/23

For three months we were officially in courtship. I was dreading it. I can be quite shysometimes but I had to go and ask Bronwyns dad for his daughters hand in marriage. Oh itwas hard but sometimes we just have to man up and do it. So I did it and he gladly said yes. Iwas stoked! Now the next step: I had to propose to Bronwyn. Even though she knew it wascoming I was still very nervous. But eventually I worked up the courage to do it. On a lake inRotorua after a great meal, upon one knee, looking into her beautiful eyes I did it. Thepresence of God was there so strongly that we found ourselves weeping quietly on the

lonesome pier, surrounded by the moonlit lake, with hundreds of white swans around cheeringus on. The stars seemed to shine a little brighter that night as we rejoiced in the Lords holypresence and prayed for the blessing of God, and committed our future to the Lord Jesus.

So two of the hardest questions I would ever have to ask were done. What relief! The weddingwas to be held in three months Why wait? We were destined to be together. So wecommitted it all to the Lord and He rapidly provided all things we had need of, everything slidinto place almost effortlessly. We were really growing in the Lord together. I truly believe thatGod will give us a companion that will bring us closer to Him. If a relationship takes us from theLord, leave it alone, and if its meant to be God will make it happen in His time.

The wedding came and it was marvelous. We stood firm on the morals of the Bible, and manyremarked it to be the most beautiful wedding they had ever been to. We had no alcohol, or

other worldly ways; it was all about Christian marriage, Jesus Christ and His goodness, family,and good fellowship. The whole day was perfect and God supernaturally gave us a wonderfulsunset even though it had been thickly overcast all day. The skies opened up for a wonderfulview and perfect photo opportunities. Then to make it even more amazing, our first nightmarried: a circle opened up around us in the skies that we could marvel under the glory Goddeclared in the heavens. We truly knew we were Gods children, and that He smiled down onus.

I would like to write about a couple of experiences that really helped me with my faith andspiritual growth. First I would note that my desire to be like Jesus and really have His power inmy life was, and still is, insatiable. In my zeal for growth and to see Gods glory I would alwayspray and seek Him with all my heart. One morning on my knees God showed me I believe, avision, of a construction site that had all the finishing touches except that it was not yet

painted, and water was running from taps and the walls were getting wet. In the industry, thiswould be very bad practice. With the walls not sealed, water would seep into the boards andcause damage. Over the next while I got the interpretation: not to rush God into what He hasfor me when I am not fully sealed or ready for the fullness of His blessing and power to run outof me like rivers of living water. I was so touched that God would come and personally show methat.

Another instance relates to my zeal to see the church of God come to her proper place andreally walk in the victories of God. I would always look at the problems in other people forreasons why we are not where we could and should be. A lot of my attention in prayer wasprojected to others in the wrong way. (We should always pray for others.) Then, one morningon my knees, God so clearly in His mercy showed me that the revival and victory must begin inme. Then a partial commission and vision came to me that part of my purpose was to bring afire and to really take the blessings and love of God into my own life and live the example ofJesus Christ. Not looking to others but being an example for them. For if God can do that in me,the chief of sinners, He can do it in anyone. This would then spark inspiration in many others.The revival starts in me! The love of God came to me and I jumped up and ran around thehouse praising God and rejoicing greatly. Wow! God is so awesome!

There was recently a time when I was working at a supermarket right in the entrance way. Thisis a really busy place as all sorts of people need to eat food! Who would have thought of all thedramas that go on in supermarkets! One lady collapsed on the ground and wet herself, so Ijumped down from my ladder and prayed for her. She got up and recovered; Im not sure if itwas due to my prayer or that she just revived, but to God be the glory anyhow! Another ladysaid: Thank you for praying for her. I knew that God was close to me at this place for there