Lost or Stuck

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Lost? Or Stuck? An Adierian Technique forUnderstanding the Individual's PsychologicalMovement

Wes W ingett and Al M il l iren

Abstract"Lost? or Stuck?" is a strategy designed to understand and assess individ ua l psy-cholog ical movement relative to problem solving. This brief strategy is helpful inrecognizing personal p rob lem-solv ing strategies, m od ifying the strategies vk^hen war-ranted,and applying personal problem-solving strategies to current challenges. Fourcase demonstrations of the "Lost? or Stuck?" strategy are presented.

Ind ividua l Psychology is a psychology of movement. It is through thismovement that the individual expresses his or her unique orientation toself, others, and the world. When clients come to the counselor/therapist,it is usually because some situation or experience has occurred for v^/hichthey are ill prepared to cope. In terms of their "style of life," they either donot know what to do or, in contrast, have been doing all of the "wrong"things. To be helpful, the counselor/therapist needs to gather informationthat allows for gaining an understanding of the client's pattern of move-ment or lifestyle. As this is iden tified and understood by both the clien t andthe counselor/therapist, the problem situation can be reexamined and al-ternative solutions deve loped . The clien t can then begin to m ake changesthat allow him or her to move in more socially useful ways.A lfred Adier presented the strategy of TheQuestion in the 1929 publi-

cation. Problems of Neurosis. In his discussion of the neurotic lifestyle,AdIer talked about the problems con fronting a patient being of two types:They were either organically based physical illnesses or psychologicallybased mistaken beliefs about life. To ascertain w h ich of these was at issue,AdIer wo uld ask The Question: "W ha t wo uld you do if I cured you imme-diately?" (AdIer, 1929/1964, p. 72). Rudolf Dreikurs (as cited in Terner &Pew, 1978) further elaborated on the technique: "What would be differentin your life if you were well?" and noted thatthe answer to the question is significant. Ifthesymptom is of neurotic origin,the ansvk^er indicates against whom or what condition the symptom is di-rected,(p. 185)


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Mosak and Maniacci's (1998) version of The Question takes thisform:"IfIwereto give you a magic pill (or wave a magic wand) and remove all of your symp-toms immediately and forever, what wou ld be different in your life?" (p. 15).In addition to The Question, numerous Adierians have proposed a vari-ety of diagnostic techniques for assessing the psychological movement ofclients . Some discuss fairly extensive strategies forassessingthe client's lifestyle(e.g..Powers & Griffith, 1987 ; Shulman & Mosak, 1988); others have offeredbrief techniques. For example, Frank Walton's "Most Memorable Observa-t ion" (as cited in Evans & Milliren, 1999) provides clues to the dynamics ofthe family and the decisions that the parent made in adolescence about howfamily life wasgoing to be(or how it wasNO T going tobe when he or shehad the opportun ity to raise his or her own family.

Use of this technique can allow the counselor to helpa parentseehow he orshe:1) overemphasizes the likelihood of occurrence ofasituation the parentguardsagainst;2 overemphasizes thenegative influence ofsuch asituation if itshould occur;and3) underestimateshisor her ability to deal with the situationin an effective problem-solving way if it should occur. (Walton, 1996, p. 4)

Lost? Or Stuck?More recently, Wes Wingett has suggested an additional brief strategythat is called "Lost? orStuck?"This strategy isapprop riate for use w ith adoles-cents and adults and is most useful during the psychological investigationphase of Adierian counseling and therapy. It is our belief that every indi-vidua l possesses all the internal resources that are needed for coping w ith theproblems of living. Although these resources may be unknown to the indi-

vidual or thought to be unavailable, each one of us has a strategy or set ofstrategies for problem solving. The purpose of "Lost? or Stuck?" is to help aclient identify his or her unique and creative problem-solving approach andultimately move from "lost" to "found" or from "stuck" to "free." Once theindividual's problem-solving approach has been identified, theactivity of thecounselor/therapist and c lient dialogue is to explore and examine the useful-nessofthisparticular strategy in solving the problems ofliving.Asthis dialoguedevelops, the strategy can be rethought and revised so that it can be appliedto the current problematic situation. During this process; the overlying con-sideration on the part of the counselor/therapist is to assess the extent towhich the revised strategy moves the client toward an enhanced level of


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situation. Many times when individua ls describe the situations that broughtthem into counseling, they will use the words "lost" or "stuck" as a way toconce ptualize the problem . For examp le, "I'm lost. I don 't know where toturn." Or, "I am lost in my relationship with my spouse." Or, "I have triedeverything and I always end up stuck in the same old rut." Or, \am stuckin this mess and do n't see any way ou t "The second phase of the strategy is eliciting from the in divid ua l a timein the past when he or she was lost or stuck. The clien t is inv ited to relate atime in the past when he or she was "lost" or "stuck" with an invitationsuch as, "Tell me about a time in your life when you were lost w h ile travel-ing or you were lost and cou ld not find your way home . Maybe you werelost trying to find an address or you were lost in a shopping m all ."Or, "Tellme about a time in your life when you were stuck in the snow or sand ormud."The client will then begin to share a story from his or her past thatwill provide an outline of his or her unique problem-solving strategy.The third phase of the strategy is to define the components of theindividua l's p roblem-solving approach that have been successful in the past.When reviewing with the individual how they "found the way out" of theproblem or became "unstuck," the counselor/therapist listens for cognitive,

affective, and behavioral components of the individual's problem-solvingprocess. For exam ple, when the ind ividual realized that he or she was "lo st"or "stuck," how did he or she think and feel and act? When the individualbegan to take the initial steps toward problem solving, how did he or shethink and feel and act? When the individual had solved the problem, howdid he or she think or feel or act? What choices d id the individual make thatmay have precipitated the initial problematic situation? What preventativesteps can be taken or have been taken since the first incident? Were peopleinvolved in the initial problem and, ifso, what people?The last phase, useful du ring the reeducation/reorientation phase of Adier-ian counseling and therapy, is the application of appropriate and effectivecomponents of the p roblem-solving approach to the current prob lem. Wha tkind of "self-talk" is warranted? How do you w ant to feel before, du ring , andafter the resolution of the situation? What actions will you take that will berational, intelligent, sensitive to self and others, and effective and efficient?How will other people be involved in the problem-solving process? Whatwill be done to prevent problems from occurring in the future?


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Counselor:Tell me about a time in your life when you were lost orstuck. You may have been lost trying to find a place or lost in a mall orstuck in the sand or mud or snow.C//enf:W el l, it was before I was married and I was still living at home.I was driving hom e from wo rk after a bad snowstorm and I though t I couldmake it home.W el l, I was a few miles from home and I started to slide offthe road and I ended up in the ditch and I co uldn 't move the car.Counselor:And then what did you do?Client:We l l, I sat there for a wh ile feeling s tupid, and then I decided Ihad better do som ething before it got dark. I bundled up and started w alk-

ing toward a farm place that I saw.Counselor:And then what?Client: I got to the farm place and saw a light on in the house andwalked up to the back door and knocked on it.Counselor:And what w ere you thinking?Client: I thought, "There is a light on, and I'll bet there are people inthe house that might help me out of my ditch dilemma."Counselor:And then w hat happened?Client:Anolde rcou ple ca m eto the door and invited me into the house.1 told them my story and warmed up. The husband and I took one of histractors d ow n to my car and we pu lled the car out of the ditch . I offered topay him, but he wouldn't take anything but a "Thank You." I proceededhome slowly and thankfully.Counselor:Let me see if 1 understand the situation . You were unmar-ried, living at home. You were driving home after a snowstorm, and youslid into a ditch. You sat there for a while and then you bundled up andwalked up to a farmhouse and knocked on the door. A couple answeredthe door, invited you to warm up, listened to your story, and offered tohelp. You and the helpful husband pulled your car out of the ditch, youoffered to pay him, he refused, and you proceeded cautiously and thank-fully home.

Client:Yes that's it. That's how it happened.Counselor: And that's how you solved the problem. Now, let's exam-ine the problem-solving process that you utilized from beginning to end.Client:Sounds good to me.Counselor: First you realized that you had a problem and did somenegative self-talk.C// enf;Yes, I reminded myself of my stupidity and replayed some lec-


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Client: Wel l , I thought I could probably stay in the car and wait forsomeone to find me, or I could walk to the farmhouse that was about aha lf-mile away. It was not freezing cold and I had some extra clothes in thecar and I thought there was probably enough daylight left to easily make itto the farm place.Counselor:And what were you thinking as you approached the farmplace and saw the lights on in the house?Client: 1 was thinking that I hoped people were there, and that theywo uld be Midwestern farm folks who w ou ld probably help me if they cou ld.Counselor:And you knocked on the door?

Client:Uh-huh. The husband and wife answered and invited me in towarm up. I told them my story and asked for help.Counselor:How was it for you to ask for help?Client: A little scary. However, 1 thought they would probably help ifthey co uld. And they did .Counselor:Andyou w orked together to pu ll the car out of the ditch , andyou offered to pay him and he refused, and you went on your way. So, thesteps that you utilized in solving the prob lem were: 1) surveying the situationfor possible options, 2) identifying sources of help, 3) asking for help from

people that you d id not know, 4) offering payment and verbal thanks to yourhelper, and 5) proceeding cautiously toward your destination.Client:Yes,that is what I did . I never b roke it dow n into steps like thatbefore.Counselor: What w ou ld happen if you applied those same five steps toyour current problematic situation?Client: I don't know for sure, but I am willing to give it a try.This first example demonstrates the use of the strategy to identify anindividual's personal problem-solvingstyle.This particular ind ividual's prob-lem-solving style wi ll be an effective tool for her in solving future problemsthat she may encounter, provided "farm houses" are available to her. It isclear that she is able to ask for help; it is not so clear what her strategy is ifno one is available to hear the request, or if the request for help is denied.Although she is able to use her strategy in the current problem situation,the counselor/therapist may wish to explore with her what she could dowhen help is not readily available.

The Train Station


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Counselor:Tell me about a time in your life when you w ere lost orstuck. You may have been lost trying to find a place, or lost in a mall orsome building, or stuck in the sand, mud, or snow.Client: Wel l , what comes to mind just happened this past summer. Iwas in Chicago and needed to catch a train to the suburbs. I caught a cabto Union Station, and the driver asked if I minded if he let me out on thebackside of the place. As I was getting out of the cab and getting my bagstogether, I realized that I had no idea where I was nothing looked fam il-iaror where I needed to go. I had no sense that I was being scammed ortaken advantage of by the cab driver, so I knew I was where I needed to be.I just didn't know what I needed to do next. Having my bags with me, Iwasn't too excited about doing a lot of walking to figure out where I wasbecause I sure didn 't want to be dragging all that luggage around w ith me.

Counselor:And then what happened?Client: I. have to thin k about that because I don 't think I really didanything significant. All of a sudden, though, this African American, I as-sumed homeless, woman showed up. I didn't notice her earlier nor did Isee where she came from. It's like she just kind of magically appeared.Anyway, she asked ifIneeded help or something like that and said she wastrying to earn the p rice ofahotel room so she could take abath.That reallydidn 't clic k at first, but I soon realized tha t her assistance was for sale Itold her1was looking for the main terminal so I could catch my train.To make a long story short, for a $20b i l l ,she walked me down alongthe tracks to the opposite end of the bu ildin g w here the ticke t counters andconcessions were located . It was really qu ite easy butIhadn'taclue Mademe rea lize, in the barga in, that here was a person we might classify as afailure in life being quite successful using what she knew. Maybe there is amessage thereto never underestimate a person's assets and capabilitiesO h An d, I almost forgot this partI asked the wom an where I might beable to get a bite to eat, and she gave me the rundown on several places inthe immediate area where 1 could eat fairly cheaply. She really knew thearea, and that knowledge was her means to an end. I noticed after she leftme,she stopped a young couple and gave them some assistance of one sortor another, and they paid her a few dollars. You just can't beat ingenuity

Counselor:And then what happened after you got to where the ticketcounters and concessions stands were located?Client:It was amazing just how relievedIfelt. There is som ething abouttraveling (by air or train or whatever) that gives me a panicky feeling at


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Lost? O r stuck? 27 1

around for a place to have some lunch and then waited around for thetrain to arrive.In looking back, the whole thing felt somewhat surreal to me. I don'tknow how to exp lain it Just very confus ing and strange. An d it's like thiswo man showed up out of nowhere Just when I needed herCounselor:Let me see if Iunderstand your situation . You caught a cabto Union Station and were let out at the backside of the place.Yourealizedthat you were lost, and a woman approached you and asked if you neededhelp for a price . She helped you find where you needed to go and p ointedyou in the direc tion of good places to eat.Youwere relieved when you hadthe problem resolved and were on your way again.Client:Yes that's what happened.

Counselor:Now, let's explore your problem-solving approach.The stepsyou util ized include: 1) recognizing the pro blem ; 2) appearing to be need-ing help and being approached by someone who offers help; 3)acknowledging the assets and strengths of the individual offering help; 4)asking for more help after the initia l help is utiliz ed ; and 5) feeling relievedwhen the problem was resolved.C//enf;Yes, that's the way I usually go about the business of problem

solving.Counselor:I'm wo ndering what you th in ko f the way you approach thebusiness of problem solving.Client: Wel l , it's usually worked so far. However, I'm not sure I amcomfortable with the part where I appear helpless and wait for others toapproach me.Counse/or; When you appear helpless and wait for others to approachyou, it sounds to me like you are waiting to be discovered rather thandiscovering what needs to be done.Client: I don't like that part where I am "wa iting to be disco vere d" Icou ld take charge more quickly when I know that1 need help.Counse/or:You recogn ize and acknow ledge the assets and strengths ofothers. Maybe you could use that skill to identify and approach peoplewho could be helpful.In this second example, we discovered the faulty step in the client'sproblem -solving approach. Of interest is the fact that this individual's prob -lematic situation was occurring simply because he was still "waiting to bediscovered."This aspect of the client's prob lem-solving approach was ex-plored in depth. He was able to recognize how his "last born" status set


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aspect helped h im to m ove forward on his own behalf and ask for the helphe needed when he needed it.

Bingo in the FogIn the next example, we begin to see how the technique helps to iden-tify a lifestyle problem-solving pattern for the client.Counse/or; Tell me about a time in your life when you were lost orstuck. Maybe you were lost while traveling or were lost and cou ld not find

your way home or you were lost in a shopping mall . Or, tell me about atime in your life when you were stuck in the snow or sand or mud . just tellme what comes to mind without censoring.Client:Abo ut 10 years ago, when w e had just m oved here, my in-lawscame dow n for a visit. My mo ther-in-law loves to go to B ingo and wantedto go to the bingo hall in Odessa. At the time we lived in Midland, and Ihad only driven into Odessa just a few times, but I felt confident that Icou ld find the bingo hall w ith some instructions. We found the bingo hallwith no trouble. We stayed for over 4 hours, both sessions, and when we

went to leave thick fog had laid its "shadow" over Odessa.Wel l , I made it to the interstate, but I thought I was on Highway 191.After driving forafew minutes, in fog so thickIcou ld hardlysee,my m other-in-law asked me to pull off the road to wait for the fog to lift. So, at the nextexit, I pulled off and we waited. After a good 30 minutes, the fog didn'tgive up, so I decided to try again. I pulled onto the interstate and begandriving,not knowing I was on 1-20, instead of 191.W el l,w ith the fog, thenew road, and my mother-in-law's panic, I did not know if I was going inthe right direction or not.Well, I admitted to my mother-in-law I felt a little lost. Anyway, I keptgoing,and after 30 minutes ofdriving,1 knew something was wron g. I knewit didn't take 30 minutes to go from Odessa to M idla nd . By now it is 2:00 orso in the m orning, and there are no other cars on the road. I could not findany signs, and the two of us started to panic. My mother-in-law told me wemust have gotten mixed up and we were headed toEl Pasoand to turn aroundand go back the same way we came. So,I turned around and started head ingback the way w e had just come. About 25 minutes go by and I saw a sign forOdessa exits, so I pulled back off and went back into Odessa. We pulled upto a convenience store and I went inside to ask where I was.


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father-in-law had alrea(dy callecJ the police because it is now 4:00 some-thing in the morningand they thought we had had an accident. . . .W el l,1 have never been able to live that one down.Counse/or;Tel Ime a little about how you felt during all this. You men-tioned the confidence and your mother-in-law's panic; wha t else was goingon for you? Do you recall what you were thinking to yourself?C //en f;W ell, at first I felt nervous. I had only been married a short timeand, being as young as I was,1 did not want to look like a fool in front ofmy mother-in-law. Then the nervousness spread through me and I felt hotall over and embarrassed to admit thatIshe migh t be right that I migh t beso stupid as to have gotten com pletely turned around and headed towardsEl Paso. When the 20-minute drive turned into 35 minutes, I got scaredbecause I had on ly lived in M idland for about2m onths, knew no one, andreally didn't know my way around.1 kept tell ing my mother-in-law it wasokay and we were going in the right direction. But after 35 minutes, I hadto admit I really didn't know if1 was going in the right direction or not.

Turning around and driving across the median to go the other way ona heavily fogged road made my heart pound. After turning around, myemotions turned into anger, for I didn't want to go to Odessa in the firstplace to play bingo. After talking to the lady, I was totally embarrassed . . .and hoped I w ou ld never see her again . . . for what id iot gets lost betweenMidland and Odessa? When we finally reached home, I took out all myemotions on my husband and then felt relieved. Through this whole thingI kept telling m yself that1 knew I was heading in the right direction, that ifI just held on a little longerIw ou ld find my way, but the "sheep" part in meled me to thinking I really didn't know what I was doing.

Counselor:How does this compare w ith your typica l approach to solv-ing life's problems? It strikes me as a very determined and "I can do it"attitude. Do you kind of "charge o n " hoping things w ill take care of them -selves as you go?C//enf;Yes,I never thought of it that way, but, yes, I do keep charging onhoping that everything will turn out okay in the end. I keep pushing throughthe "fo g" wi th a positive attitude that life is good and people are good and inthe en d things w ill be what they should have been anyway . ..We l l,tha t wasa light bulb experience I never though t of it that way before.Counse/or;The next question m ight be to evaluate how well that works

for you. When is it the best approach? When might some other choice bebetter? Are you aware of times w hen this "po sitive, charge ahead, pushing


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27 4 Wes W ingett and Al Mili iren

other choice be better? W el l,when the charging on collapses and I coulduse another type of strategy like stepp ing back and just wa tch ing . The push-ing through the fog has gotten me into hot water many times, and othersthat have observed these situations have commented thatIlook like a know-it-all when this style does not work.Counselor:And what might happen if you recognized that when yousaw the fog it might be w orth your w hile to step back and allow the fog to lift?Client: I might stay out of hot water.Counselor:And wh at wo uld happen if you "stayed out of hot water"?Client: 1 wouldn't appear to be a "know-it-all" and many of my rela-tionships could be better.Counselor:And how would that be useful to you?C//enf:The thought that pops into my mind is one time when my strat-egy did not work w ith one of my bosses. The charging on through provedto be a bad choice . . . And, in hindsight, stepping back and looking andobserving instead of jum pin g in and taking charge wo uld have been a bet-ter choice. 1 wound up destroying that relationship when I might haveimproved upon itBased on the previous comment, it seems likely that this clien t offendsas many people as she may help when she employs her "ju m p ing in " strat-egy asafirst choice in problem solving. It wou ld be useful for the counselor/therapist and client to explore the ifs and whens of this problem-solvingapproach to life's challenges. The focus for the process might be: "Is itpossible that you need to develop a strategy for using your strategy? Howwill you decide which approach is better? Jumping in or holding back?"This way, the clien t can be helped to discover the most effective approachwithout having to experience the loss of relationships.

Anger in the FieldThis final example demonstrates a positive use of anger as the indi-vidual thinks through her unique and creative way of becoming "unstuck."Counse/or; Tell me about a time in your life when you were lost orstuck. Maybe you were lost while traveling or were lost and could not findyour way home or you were lost in a shopping mal l . Or, tell me about a

time in your life when you were stuck in the snow or sand or m ud . Just tellme what comes to mind without censoring.


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Well, I set off for thef ield. I was pleased to be driving the big tractor w ith thedisk. I pulled into the field and looked around at some of the wet spots andbegan d isking. A ll went w ell for quite a wh ile, and then I got too close to theedge of one of the we t spots with the d isk, and the disk became m ired in themud; I knew that I couldn 't get out, so I stopped the tractor.Counselor: And what did you think about yourself or others or thesituation when you knew that you were stuck?Client: I think I got myself into this situation and 1 am going to getmyself out of it Plus, I couldn't adm it that I made a mistake and didn 't payattention to what my father told me

Counselor:Andwhen you were m ired in the mud and you stopped thetractor and you were thinking about that you had gotten yourself into thissituation and you w ere go ing to get yourself out, how did you feel? Sad ormad or glad or scared or a combination?Client:1 felt mad. I was really mad at myself for being so dumbCounselor:And the "m ad " that you felt, was it a low grade of "mad,"amedium grade of "mad,"or a high grade of "mad"?Client: It was a high grade of"mad."1was mad at myself for not payingenough attention to what was going on around me and I paid the price ofgetting stuck in the mudCounselor:And how did you use this high grade of "mad"?

C/Zenf;Wel l , I decided1 needed to do som ething. So, I unhooked fromthe disk, backed the tractor up to the disk at a different angle, and I slowlypu lled the disk ou t of the m ud . I cleaned as much of the mud off the disk asI could and went about completing the fieldwork.Counselor:So your problem solving process may go something like this:When you stop paying attention to what you know should be done, youbecome "stuck." And then you think about the dilemma and use your anger

to disengage from the situation; and then you find a new direc tion in life.C//enf;That sounds like whatIdid when I chose to divorce the father ofmy children and it sounds like what I am doing in my current job situa tion.However, in the job situation, I am currently in the new direction phase.Counse/or;Tel Ime more about the new direction phase.C//ent;Wel l , I have resigned my current position effective at the end ofthe month, and I have sent out resumes to three potential employers.Counselor:And before you take a new position I believe that you w illpay careful attention to what others tell you about the working situationand you will focus on the task at hand.C//enf;Yes,that is what I wan t to do, the direction I want to move.


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becoming angry, however, she may just wish to initiate the strategy: Shecan "unhook" and change direction based on her own good judgment.She might be shown that she has made any number of good decisions inthe past with the anger as her justification for doing so. She may now beable to see that the same decisions could be achieved w ithou t resorting toanger and relying solely on her own courage.

Summary

Information gathering is a major element in the process of Adieriancounseling/psychotherapy. As such, it is important that the counselor/thera-pist use specific basic strategies that help to stimulate insight (for both thecounselor/therapist and the client) regarding the client's psychologicalmovement in the w orld . It has been attributed to Ad ler that the basic strat-egies of the fami ly conste l la t ion, ear ly recol lect ions, and dreaminterpretation serve as "windo w s to the mental life." Since the early days ofIndividua l Psychology, numerous Adierians have iden tified additiona l "w in -dows." "Lost? or Stuck?" is a simple strategy for identifying a client'sproblem-solving approach; it offers just another of those windows to themental life.

References

Adler, A. (1964).Problems ofneurosis.New York:Harper Torchbooks.(Original work published 1929)Evans, T. D., & M ili ire n, A. P. (1999). Open -forum fam ily c ounse ling.In R.E. Watts & J.Carlson (Eds.),Interventions andstrategies in counselingand psychotherapy {pp.135 -160 ). P hiladelphia: Accelerated Development.Mosak, H. H., & Man iacci, M. P. (1998).Tacticsin counseling andpsy-chotherapy.Itasca, IL: F. E. Peacock.Powers, R. L., & G riffith ,J.(1987).Understand ing life-style:Thepsycho-clarity process. Ch icago: The Americas Institute of Adie rian Studies.Shulman, B. H., & Mosak, H. H. (1988). Manual for life styleassess-ment.Levittow n, PA: Accelerated Deve lopmen t.Terner,J.,& Pew, W. L. (1978).Thecourage to be imperfect.New York:


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Lost or Stuck

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