LISTENING

Listening Facts . . .

. . . 45% of people’s time is spent listening . . . (vii)

As one moves up the corporate ladder, the percentage of time increases to 55%. (vii)

. . . the idea of listening as a “skill” is unfamiliar. Communication as a “skill” is a common enough concept.

Yet, of all the time we spend in communication, by far the greatest is spent in listening: 40% Listening, 35% Talking, 16% Reading,

9% Writing (2). We spend 70% of our waking hours in

verbal communication. (2)

When we think about listening, we tend to assume it is basically the same as hearing.

This is a dangerous misconception because it leads us to believe effective listening is instinctive.

As a result we make little effort to learn or develop listening skills and unknowingly neglect a vital communication function. (3)

Consequently, we create unnecessary problems for ourselves: misunderstandings, hurt feelings, confused instructions, loss of important information, embarrassment, and frustration.

We lose the opportunity to improve our professional and personal relationships. (3)

Listening involves a more sophisticated mental process than hearing.

It demands energy and discipline. Listening is a learned skill.

The first step is to realize that effective listening is an active, not a passive process. (3)

What is listening, then? One way to answer this question is to ask two other questions: What does it feel like to really listen to

someone else? What does it feel like when someone really

listens to you? (3) The answers to these questions provide

a definition of effective listening . . .

Definition of Effective Listening Listening is

(a) taking in information from speakers, other people or ourselves, while remaining nonjudgmental and empathetic;

(b) acknowledging the talker in a way that invites the communication to continue; and

(c) providing limited, but encouraging, input to the talker’s response, carrying the person’s idea one step forward.

This definition stresses the listener’s responsibility in the communication process. Although listening is one of the most demanding aspects of communication, it is also one of the most rewarding. (3)

Listening as a way to acknowledge someone often increases self-esteem. It is a way of saying to the talker, “You are important, and I am not judging you.” (5)

People who are being listened to usually appreciate the people who are doing the listening and cooperate with them.

Why? Acknowledgment is a basic, universal, human need. We are more likely to respond positively to a person who meets these needs than to one who does not. (5)

Listening is a potent force for reducing stress and tension. True listening builds teamwork, trust, and a sense of belonging to a group.

When people know they are talking to a listener instead of someone who sits in judgment, they openly suggest ideas and share thoughts. (5)

A request for listening is usually not a request for giving advice. It is a request to be listened to nonjudgmentally, from the heart. (6)

Active listening alleviates a problem by giving the person a chance to talk it through while experiencing emotional release and at the same time providing limited and empathetic input that conveys to the talker your concern and nonjudgmental attitude. (6)

Given the opportunity to solve their own problems, people tend to feel more confident in their abilities. (6)

Employees/students/people who are listened to will not bottle up their feelings. Listening tells the person, “Your feelings are legitimate.”

People who are not listened to get the message that their feelings are not important. (6)

SELF-AWARENESS

Effective listening involves not only tuning in to others, but tuning in to ourselves. Listening carefully to what we say and how we say it can teach us an immense amount about ourselves. (6)

SELF-AWARENESS

Statements we make about ourselves or others reflect our own self-concept, our thought patterns, and our belief systems. If, for example, you heard yourself making the following statements, what would you learn about yourself? “I’m not very artistic—can’t draw a straight line

with a ruler.” “I can’t get a promotion—I don’t have a degree.” “I can’t get to anything on time.” “I’d like to tell my boss how I feel, but I can’t.” Someday I’m going to find time to get

organized.” “I can’t handle angry people.”

Bosses/teachers who listen earn the respect and loyalty of their staff/students. They discover important things about how the business/class is going. (8)

The same applies to students: students who listen to their teachers earn the respect and loyalty of their teachers.

Employees/students frequently have excellent ideas about improving productivity of the work environment.

Managers/teachers who listen for these ideas solve more problems than those who do not. These managers/teachers create a sense of concern for their staff/students while receiving better-quality information/learning. (8)

All of us listen at different levels of efficiency throughout the day, depending on the circumstances and the people involved.

For instance, most often people have difficulty listening effectively when in a conflict situation, when dealing with emotional people, when criticism is being directed at them, when they are being disciplined, or when feeling anxious, fearful, or angry.

Others listen effectively on the job but tune out when they get home. (13)

Three Levels of Listening:

Level 1: Empathetic Listening. At this level, listeners refrain from judging the

talker and place themselves in the other’s position, attempting to see things from his or her point of view. The overall focus is to listen from the heart, which opens the doorway to understanding, caring, and empathy.

Three Levels of Listening:

Level 2: Hearing words, but not really listening. At this level, people stay at the surface of the

communication and do not understand the deeper meanings of what is being said. They try to hear what the speaker is saying but make little effort to understand the speaker’s intent.

At Level 2, the speaker may be lulled into a false sense of being listened to and understood.

Three Levels of Listening:

Level 3: Listening in spurts. Tuning in and tuning out, being somewhat aware

of others, but mainly paying attention to oneself. One follows the discussion only enough to get a chance to talk.

Often a person listening at this level is faking attention while thinking about unrelated matters, making judgments, forming rebuttals, or advice, or preparing what he or she wants to say next.

The listener may display a blank stare and is more interested in talking than listening. (14)

Most of us listen at all three levels during the course of a day. However, the goal is to listen at level 1 in all situations. (14)

Let’s become aware of the power of listening!!!