Lisgarwrite June Edition

7/31/2019 Lisgarwrite June Edition

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[

This IssueDiscovery Channel's new venture p

Importance of useless homework pRevolutionary changes at Lisgar p.1

Next dance theme revealed p.1

Tips on academic dishonesty p.1

Guide to a perfect prom p.2

Why you really like 1D p.2

Hilarious out of contexts p.2

AND MUCH MOR

The Lisgarwrite

ATIRICAL

EDITIO

satire

Pronunciation:/sat/

noun

the use of humour, irony,exaggeration, or ridicule to expose

and criticize peoples stupidity or vice


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1

Table of ContentsA Note From the Editors ......................................................................................................................................... 2Discovery Channel: Lisgarite Edition-Bridget Guan.................................................................................................. 3

THINC-Julian Moran.................................................................................................................................................. 4

The Lisgarite-Ariana Mihai....................................................................................................................................... 5

Riot Erupts in Class After Teacher Marks Question Incorrectly on Test-Roy Sengupta ........................................... 6

Guide to the Importance of Useless Homework-Sarah Seward-Langdon................................................................. 7

First Period Fire Drill Brings Chaos to Lisgar Collegiate-Owen Watt........................................................................ 8

Our Cellular Companions-Henry Schut ............................................................................................................................... 9

Textbooks-Nancy Guo ........................................................................................................................................................ 10

Revolutionizing Our Schools-Rusaba Alam ...................................................................................................................... 11

Next Dance Theme Chosen by Randomly Picking a Word from the Oxford Dictionary-Akhil Garg ........................ 12

Being Gifted: A Privilege-Amy Munro ............................................................................................................................... 13

The Effects of Flex Time on Students-Jillian Wakarchuk ................................................................................................ 14

Foolscap in All its Glory-Julia Brillinger ............................................................................................................................ 15

Intruder at Lisgar Collegiate Institute-Alex Kuhn ............................................................................................................ 16

An Investigation on Academic Integrity-Angela Li .................................................................................................... 17-18

Lisgarwrite


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2

Missed Connections-Alex Rochon ..................................................................................................................................... 19

A Lady's Guide to the Perfect Prom Experience-Margot Whittington .................................................................... 20-21

How to Procrastinate Like a Pro-Alexandra Mason-Guertin ........................................................................................... 22

Why You Really Like 1D-Bronte McGillis ........................................................................................................................... 23

June Movie Reviews-Celine Fu ..................................................................................................................................... 24-25

Out of Contexts .................................................................................................................................................................. 26

Acknowledgements ........................................................................................................................................................... 27

Attention Lisgarites!

Its been a great year for the Lisgarwrite and we would like to

thank everyone who helped to make the newspaper a success this

year. Special thanks goes out to the AP Writers Craft class, who made

this issue possible; we would also like to thank Mr. Grills and Mr.

Grose, who put the Lisgarwrite online so that everyone can read our

work, as well as Mr. McMahon for supporting our publication. We

would also like to give a shout-out to all the Lisgar teachers who

provided the witticisms that filled our Out of Contexts. Bridget would

also like to thank Mark for being the amazing Layout Editor that he is.

And last but certainly not least, a round of applause goes to Mr.

Hodgson, the teacher supervisor who made the Lisgarwrite possible.

But even though the school year is over, this isnt the end for

the Lisgarwrite. Make sure you keep an eye out for the newspaper

when fall comes, as Rusaba Alam and Henry Schut will continue to

steer us into uncharted waters.

June is here now, so its time for Bridget and Mark to sail off

into the sunset. Hasta la vista, Lisgarites!

A Note From the Editors

Lisgarwrite


4/28

3

LISGARITE EDITION

By: Bridget Guanhh. You must approach it with caution. Light steps

thats it, nowpast the third floor washrooms.

Make sure you stay against the lockers. If it catches

sight of you, it might make a sudden move that youre

not prepared for. Round the last cornerand there it is,

curled up against a blue locker. But its not alone.

Around it is huddled a group that is most likely

composed of members of the same tribe. Yep, the signs

are all there: the way their fingers tighten around

calculators, the way they nervously twirl HB pencils, and

the way that they are constantly pushing their glasses

up. Definitely from the same tribe.

The wailing of the one in the middle cuts

through the silence of the empty hallway (not

surprising, considering other creatures in the vicinity

disappear at precisely 3:10). If you listen carefully, you

might even be able to make out what it is saying: I GOT

A 95! WHY? I DONT DESERVE TO LIVE ANYMORE! ILL

NEVER GET INTO A UNIVERSITY LIKE THIS!

The others around it are respectfully silent. Thisis, after all, a national disaster, akin to Vancouver losing

the playoffs or Justin Bieber becoming an American

citizen (although that wouldnt be much of a loss). Their

eyes, though, all say Thank Pythagoras its not my

grade point average that will drop."

Look, a wild

teacher appears! The

others scatter as the

one who was wailing

instantly quiets. It picksup its scattered test

papers, and rushes to

chase down the

teacher. The teachers

steps quicken by a

fraction of a second, but it is no match for the

determined predator. Soon, they are engaged in a

bartering match that will take them until well into the

afternoon. Usually, the teacher is able to stand his

ground.

After this exhausting episode, the teacher wil

leave for whatever mysterious abode he spends the

night in, and the predator, dejected, will also return to

the comfort of its home, but not before sighing heavily

at its (now ruined) future prospects. It will have a quick

dinner. The eating habits of this breed of creature

differentiate them from other species because they

have never been observed to participate in the

phenomenon that has been dubbed eating one

feelings. After much research, it has been concluded

that these creatures do not have feelingsthey have

A's.

Then, it will hole itself between tall stacks o

textbooks, notes, and Advanced Placement study

guides. Most likely, it will also post a Facebook status of

something along the lines of: omg FAILED my test. T_T

fml I hate my life. This mystifying must of grammar and

syntax has yet to be deciphered by scientists, although

many are in agreement that the T_T symbol is used to

express extreme grief.

The sleeping habits of this species are also

decidedly irregular. It will sleep from anywhere

between 8pm to 5am. However, it has been observed

that these creatures get the least sleep in the months o

January and June. Whenever it does sleep, though, it

will solve integrals in its head until it is finally able to

relax enough to slip into dreamland. Even then, it does

not restmost likely it will wake up in the morning with

a few solved integrals already floating around in its

mind.

The next morning, it will wake up before the

sun rises for whichever extracurricular commitment it

thinks will look best on a college application, with the

mantra of 100 percent running through its brain. The

rest of the day will be devoted to work provided by the

complex institution they call school. Any test o

project returned with anything less than 101% will be

met with hair-tearing, face clawing, and ugly sobbing

Thus is the sad life of an overachiever.

S

A wild Teacher appeared!

omg FAILED my test! I got a 95! I'll neverget into a university like this! T_T FML!


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4

By: Julian Moran

Recent studies by the Behavioural Disability Association

of Ontario (BDAO) reveal that Trans-cognitive Hyper

Itinerative Neuropathic Condition (THINC) remains a

prominent problem within high schools today.

It can really screw up your life, says Ottawa-based

psychiatrist Dr. Reginald Weinberg. Sufferers of Trans-

cognitive Hyper Itinerative Neuropathic Condition, whoare commonly referred to as THINCers, experience a

variety of inexplicable compulsions that prevent them

from functioning as healthy and prosperous teens.

Weinberg defines THINCers as possessing a fanatic

drive; they have a tendency to fixate on what they call a

Phoochur, a vague and fictitious force to which they

devote a large portion of their days in monk-like

worship.

In his book, THINC and the Conditions of Humanity

(2003), Weinberg explains that THINCers are simply

incapable of acting like regular people. In a particularly

shocking chapter, Weinberg publishes his field

observations of a student experiencing what he calls a

THINC attack:

Subject began to exhibit a

remarkable obsession with

writing utensils. During in-

class lectures, she made

constant use of her pen:

she composed mad

scribblings and underlined

in red the jargonistic terms

iterated by the professor.

When asked about her

bizarre conduct afterwards,

she mumbled something

about the importance of a mysterious and ritualized

process called noat taekinng. Subject is currently

undergoing a psychiatric workup, as we attempt to

discern the nature of her outburst in the hopes that

preventative measures may be taken. (242)

This students THINC attack, though greatly disturbing

is unfortunately only one of the many symptoms

traditionally associated with THINC: THINCers also tend

to suffer from intense hyperactivity during class

discussions (they are inclined, for instance, to raise thei

hand spontaneously during lessons to ask questions)

and even affect great concern for the numbers writtenon report cards, which are universally acknowledged to

be irrelevant.1

Furthermore, teachers say that THINCers pose an

enormous threat to the high school learning

environment. Ted Murdock, a teacher at Lisga

Collegiate Institute, is currently burdened with a

THINCing student. The kids a real nut bar, says

Murdock, who is teaching grade eleven English this

semester. I caught him reading one of those awfu

books after class the other day. The Rising Sun, o

something, by Edgar Hemingway. He keeps giving us

philosophical perspectives. I really wish hed give

it a rest, hesfreaking the other students out.

Murdock says that THINCers actually complete thei

daily homework and hand in assignments by the due

date. I dont think they realize that no one actually

cares, he says. Poor guys.

Fortunately, this last decade has seen a dramatic drop

in THINC occurrence. According to Statistics Canada

THINC now plagues less than five percent of the modernstudent population. A 2011 study conducted by the

BDAO attributes the sudden decline in THINC

occurrence to an increased student exposure to

electronic entertainment and social networking, both o

which, it says, thoroughly reinforce healthier pursuits

of interests and social conduct.

1Milgram, Archibald. Report Card Marks Dont Actually Matter, So Stop Worrying. Toronto: Renee, 2006. Print.

THINC

Lisgarwrite


6/28


7/28

6

Rioterupts in Class after

teacher marks question incorrectly on testStudents feared that incorrect mark could

lead to future homelessness

By: Roy Sengupta

A riot erupted today at Lisgar in the Math class of Ms.Jana Anderson after she miscalculated the answer to

the sixteenth question on her latest test. This error led

to a large amount of students having the sixteenth

question on their test marked wrong. Upon discovery of

this error, a group of 20 students proceeded to swarm

the teacher, demanding rectification of the error.

Others broke down in tears at their desks, terrified that

this incorrect question could quash all their future

dreams of being an engineer, doctor, or of entering into

any other respectable profession, and instead condemn

them to a life of homelessness.

The teacher, however, unwisely chose to insist

that her incorrect answer of 142 was the correct answer

to the problem, leading a particularly distraught student

in the class, Hao Xu, to conclude that the only way he

could avoid future poverty was to eliminate the teacher.

I felt I had to do it, said Hao, if I got that

question wrong, my dreams of going to university and

of leading a decent, middle class life would have gonedown the drain. Who knows what might have

happened, chances are I could have starved to death in

my adulthood had I not sought a violent solution to the

error. At that point, it was either her or me. With this

in mind, Hao proceeded to throw a desk at the teacher,

which only narrowly missed her head. This set off a riot,

as students ransacked the room and violently

threatened the teacher if they did not receive the mark.

However, when police were called in to quel

the disturbance, they discovered the shocking truth of

the case, which was that the teacher had in fact marked

the question incorrectly. Upon learning of this after a

detailed presentation by one of the students in the

class, they proceeded to exonerate the riotous students

and arrest the teacher, Ms. Anderson, on the charge of

inciting a riot. The arrest of the teacher has been widely

applauded by local parents as well as educationa

analysts across North America.

One parent, John Robertson, said, I always

taught my boy that the only honorable thing to do when

you get a question wrong on a test was to commit a

Kamikaze. Perhaps this teacher will follow that advice, if

she has any honor that is. Mother Kang Xiang said that

If my child lost that mark, all his dreams would be over

Then who will support me in my old age? Its not like

companies give pensions anymore!

Educational analyst Mark Johnson said, Humanerror is no longer acceptable in this new era of

education. A university now looks at every test question

from every test ever taken in a students high schoo

career in an attempt to weed out students who stil

have that failing of human error. If its unacceptable fo

our students to commit human error, why should we

tolerate it in our teachers?

As for Ms. Anderson, she has been remanded in

custody pending her trial on June 30thMy dreams of going to university and

of leading a decent, middle class lifewould have gone down the drain.

Lisgarwrite


8/28

7Guide to theImportance of Useless

Homeworkhere may seem a contradiction in the importance

of useless homework. In recent years, more and

more people have been forgetting why we have

so much busywork in our secondary education

homework. Instead of praising busywork, many simply

describe it as work or assignments that are both time

consuming and not useful. This negative definition is

completely incorrect as there is absolutely no reference

to the positive influence busywork will have on our

futures in a competitive work society.

It is a fact that cannot be avoided: it is absolutely vital

that busywork is given to secondary students. In truth,

their only hope for succeeding in the scary business

world is if they learn how to complete these

meaningless exercises and how to complete them well.

There is an overwhelming number of reasons why

busywork is so wonderful for the lives of students

everywhere:

It is an obvious fact that adults do these useless

and repetitive tasks for numerous hours in any

occupation.

Learning about already known facts is a crucial

part of life, so repeating homework assignments

on the same topics is something to which we

should become accustomed.

It will keep students away from those

unproductive matters in their lives such as

participating in sports, playing a musical

instrument, talking to friends and family,reading a book for fun, indulging in

photography, baking cookies for the holidays,

cleaning their rooms, or getting any sleep.

Busywork consumes a lot of paper per student,

so it is helping us reduce the trees and provide

space for new houses to be built, get rid of any

unwanted wildlife, and have a better view of

our wide-open fields.

By: Sarah Seward-Langdon

I now have faith in your intelligence that you see why

busywork is so important. Of course, not all of it has

equal significance for your futures. There are a select

few labour-intensive, classic tasks to which you must

pay more attention in your classes:

Preparing skits about the lingo in the 80s with agroup and presenting them to your class.

Watching a video with 10 parts presented with

the same title and repeating the same message.

Creating a collage filled with cut-out pictures of

men and women - this teaches you how to

handle a sharp object.

Copying out an entire section of a textbook;

dont worry, as in another few days, you will do

the same for another section, so as to maintain

this skill.

Henceforth, do not give dirty glances to your teachers

for imposing these useless homework requirements

Teachers too are required to carry out certain useless

tasks. So complete your busywork with the utmost

respect and diligence - you may well be preparing

yourself for your future jobs, in a country with few

trees.

T

12

3

4

123

4

Lisgarwrite

Turn that frown upside down! Homework

isn't as useless as you might think!


9/28

FIRE DRILL

Fire Drill

his past Thursday, an early

morning fire drill turned Lisgar

into a scrambling, screaming, and

distressed mass of students.

Many students were injured, and two

hospitalized. At Lisgar, it is standard to

have fire drill at 11:20am, just late

enough to miss the start of lunch. So

naturally, many students were unsure of

what was going on when the piercing

ring of the alarm sounded in first period.

In my class, the ringing of the

alarm came simultaneously with a note

of confusion. Students looked around,

unsure of what to do. Then, out ofnowhere, a student screamed, FIRE!

FIRE! FIRE! Suddenly, there was chaos.

Not a hint of doubt was expressed as to

whether or not it was true. I guess

students at Lisgar are used to the

lunchtime fire drills, and are not as

prepared for anything else.

Apparently, the reaction in

other classrooms was the same. Isabelle

Smith, a grade 12 student, was just as

surprised as the rest of the school. Shestated, I had no idea what was going on;

I was truly scared. Lisgar never has fire

drills at this time. I thought I was in

danger.

Another student and resident

track star, John Longstride, had much the

same reaction. Worriedly, he said, I just

hope we dont have a fire at this time

ever again. If we were racing the clock

we would have lost, and lost big.

Luckily, the injuries suffered

were not devastating. Bruce Payne, a

grade 9 student, tripped over his

shoelaces while running down the stairs.

Max Johnson, a grade 11 student, was

pushed into a wall as someone rushed by

him in panic. Also, Julia Martin, Angela

Mayan, and Olivier Michaud, all fell and

were trampled by screaming Lisgarites

on their way down the stairs. Olivier a

Angela were admitted to hospital, a

released the same day. Julia escaped t

senseless and unorganized herd students with minor bruises.

All in all, Lisgar was lucky. It w

a risky move to have a fire drill at su

an unexpected time, and it revealed t

true preparedness of the student bo

for disaster. But, if a real fire occurs

exactly 11:20, we will be extreme

ready. After all, we only practice for fir

that will happen at this time.

T

First Period Fire Drill Brings Chaos to Lisgar Collegiateby [Owen Watt]

8Lisgarwrite

Student Olivier Michaud receiving medical aid a

nearly being trampled to death during a routine s

fire drill.


10/28

CELLPHONE MANIA

t is only within the past 20

years that mankind has truly

emerged out of the dark ages.

The coming of the millennium

heralded a new age the Age of the

Cell Phone. It (the cell phone) is a

small battery-powered item so

simple that even children from 8 to

80 can explore the vast depths of its

complexities. Its the size of their

pocket and it fits right in their palm.

It has helped the human race send

billions of very important text

messages and it has showed the

current temperature without the

burdensome requirement of actually

going outside. Of course, to do

justice to this great invention, the

guiding light of our species, we must

use it as frequently as possible. It

would be rude to do otherwise. On

the bus, in the washroom, duringclass, it is our responsibility to fixate

ourselves upon our glorious machine

friends. They are there for us when

no one else is. Unfortunately, cellular

penetration is comparatively very

limited towards what it could be in

the future.

Advances in communications

technology have allowed us to create

more and more powerful cellphones. By the year 2087, scientists

predict a phone will be invented that

exceeds the computational powers

of the human race. The perfect

phone; a true godsend. It won't have

an off-button so you can be assured

it will never turn off by accident. It

will be solar powered, and will not

run out of battery unless you are

buried deep underground for a

period of several years. The volumewill be set so loud that it will be sure

to interrupt an entire room's worth

of people. Set your calendars for

2087, for it will be a cellular paradise.

But we could go further.

Imagine a world where

everyone, every single person on

Earth and elsewhere, is connected

24/7 by their cellular device. Wont it

be grand when everybody can quote

Hemingway and Shakespeare off

hand (barring a slight glance at the

script on the screen)? Imagine how

smart we would all look. The next

step would be a true lifetime of

connectivity! We could ensure that

Wifi antennae are in every building

on the planet, from churches to

kindergartens to morgues. We could

implant a phone chip just outside the

cerebral cortex in the childs brain

the age of 3, so they can receive ca

as well as radio broadcasts (Aduchannels will not be transmitted un

the age of 18) wherever they go.

fact, we could easily inst

broadband Ethernet cables leadi

directly into the womb so the fet

wouldnt miss out on any events

the outside world. Everybody, livin

dead, or pre-born could have

phone and be constantly connect

to everybody else everywhere! Th

may seem far-fetched to som

critics, but do not worry. I can mo

readily guarantee this as our future

we continue down our current path

DID YOU KNOW

THE OCDSB IS HOPING THAT ALL

SCHOOLS WILL HAVE ACCESS TO

WIFI BY THE END OF THE YEAR.

I

Our CellularCompanionsby Henry Schut

9Lisgarwrite


11/28

TEXTBOOKS

10TEXTBOOKSBy: Nancy Guo

n this article, you will develop an

understanding of textbooks. You

will also learn how to define the

various parts of a textbook and howto study with textbooks.

A textbook behaves like a

teacher. In other words, you get a

certain amount of new knowledge

from a teacher, depending on how

much they speak.

Any teacher allows a student

to participate in discussions, do

homework, write tests, and listen to

them speak.

When your teacher talks a

certain amount, you expect a mark in

a certain range. You might expect

the same mark from a slightly

different amount of speech;

however, you would not expect two

students with teachers who spend

vastly different amounts of time

talking to get the same mark. For

example, suppose that your teachertalked for an entire day and never

stopped, the topics ranging from

their dog to their classes to their

favorite movie. Would you expect toget a low mark?

The amount of time teachers

spend speaking is an essential

component of good marks. The

mark received is the final product.

The teacher operates in a similar way

to a textbook because similarly to

teachers, a textbook will provide you

with a better mark if they present

more words to you. In other words,

the final product is dependent on theessential components. A teachers

success rate, like a textbook, relies

on the output of words.

A textbook will help obtain a

final product that varies for eachessential component.

The set of all essent

components is called the curriculu

that the textbook follows. The set

all possible final products is calle

the provincial grade system f

which the textbook is designed.

There are some teache

who are not like textbooks. On

example is a teacher who on

teaches efficiently and witho

relying on the sheer volume of wor

to communicate ideas, but still h

students who are able to obtain higmarks.

The marks received are not

result of the amount of timspeaking and the number of wor

presented, since there is no relatio

between the words the teach

speaks and the marks the studen

obtain. The final product does n

rely on the essential component

unlike when using a textbook.

EXAMPLE 1For the teacher,

A. What is the set of allessential components?

B. What is the set of all possiblefinal products?

Solution

A. The set of all essentialcomponents is the

curriculum, which is the

same as the textbooks.

B. The set of all possible finalproducts is the provincial

grade system, which is also

the same as the textbooks.

EXAMPLE 2The following graph

shows the rate of

Canadian student

success in 2001

compared to the

number of words in

the textbooks they

studied from:

A. What is the relationshipbetween the number of

words in a textbook and

student marks?

There is a direct relationsh

between the number of words in

textbook and student marks.

Clearly, the more words and pages

textbook has, the more value it w

be to you. Efficiency and clarity ca

be sacrificed for the sake of stude

success. You will be the best you ca

be!

Solution


12/28

EDUCATION REVOLUTION

hanks to the larger offering of AP courses, students will

oon become very familiar with the wonderful College

oard.

Extra-curriculars?o worries! Although the lengthened school day will

nterfere with students' extra-curricular activities, the

weekends are still available for all those fun activities!

FAST FACTS

4%he overwhelming percentage of students who took theATs last year.

87%he percentage of Lisgar students leaning toward theniversity stream is far below the board's expectations.

FOR MORE INFORMATION

For more captivating facts or further

information regarding the changes to theacademic policies, please consult the website

below.

www.overachiever.ca

tudents and parents take

note: recent changes to Lisgar

Collegiates academic policieswill result in greater flexibility for

students, according to a committee

of parents and educators assembled

by the Ottawa-Carleton District

School Board. The decisions reached

by the committee will come into

effect at the beginning of the 2012-

2013 school year. What sort of

changes, exactly, should students

expect?

1) Far more Advanced Placementcourses will be offered at Lisgar.

The inclusion of these new courses is

meant to open up a range of post-

secondary choices not previously

available to Lisgarites. To make room

for more AP courses, several regular

academic courses will simply be

removed from the curriculum,

encouraging more students than

ever to reach for academicexcellence. Committee chair and

former College Board executive, Dr.

Sarah-Anne Thorne, tells us, We

want more students to realize their

true potential; as things are, not

enough young people are leaning

toward the university stream. Unless

we do something about this as

educators, the current perfect

balance of the Canadian work force

will be jeopardized.

2) Taking the SAT will now bemandatory for all students.

So many students are taking them

anyway, we might as well make the

whole preparation process easier by

making SAT preparation obligatory

class material, says Dr. Thorne.

Some parents have complained that

their children should be exempt fro

taking the test, as it is only require

for those students who wish attend American universitie

However, the committee h

officially responded to this sentime

on the Lisgar website: While som

individual students may not wish

take the SAT, an overwhelmi

number of Lisgar students do, so it

only fair that the school will chang

to meet the needs of the stude

population as a whole by teachi

the skills required for the test.

would be unfair to disadvantage t

test-taking students by wasting the

class time on skills that are n

relevant to them, such as creativ

and analytical thinking.

3) The length of the school day wincreased from 8:50-3:00 to 7:40-4

This will not only allow students

take six courses per semester instea

of the usual four, but also, contrato the myth that students functio

better later in the morning, w

actually teach important tim

management skills that will stay wi

teens for the remainder of their live

When asked to comment on wheth

the new schedule policy would affe

students extra-curricular activitie

Dr. Thorne explains, Though it

regrettable that the new schedu

will cut into time previously allotte

to the enjoyable pursuits of sport

arts, and the like, we hope in t

long run that this shift will enab

students to focus on what rea

matterstheir academics.

S

Revolutionizing Our Schools(Now Even Canadians Can Get an Education!)

b Rusaba Alam

We want more students to

realize their true potentia

11


13/28

Lisgarwrite 12Next Theme Chosen by Randomly

Picking a Word from theDictionaryBy: Akhil Garg

fter the semi-formal and neon dances,

Student Council has chosen cryptic as

the next dance theme randomly from the

dictionary. This might lead to puzzling attire and

music choice, but Stud-co insists that this is the

fairest way to determine the topic of

the night.

Co-president Sam Cotton

described the process of selecting the

theme as exciting, and assured that

a cryptic dance will lead to fun

possibilities. Another Stud-comember added that this dance

should be the best ever, repeating

what every other organizer has said

before such an event.

The Oxford English Dictionary

was the dictionary of choice, according to Cotton.

The Oxford has been published for over 125 years

and it has developed quite the reputation.

A very strict protocol was followed while

picking the theme. Two blindfolded Stud-co

members participated while an outside observer

watched. The first Stud-co member opened the

book to a page of his choice and the next member

pointed to a word. The names of these participants

have not been disclosed.

Independent experts have criticized the

process, saying that letters closer to the beginning

or end of the alphabet are less likely to be chosen

since individuals are more likely torandomly open books in the middle. Im

surprised a word starting with the letter

c was picked, stated Zeke Proudfoot

an expert on uncertainty and computer

security.

No comments were received on

whether previous dance themes were

chosen in the same way. However, the

Lisgarwrite has discovered that onemember of the organizing committee

owned stocks in a neon clothing store on

Elgin Street, creating a possible conflict

of interest for the dance that occurred

on April 26. Stud-co denies the

accusations, citing that extra traffic from

Lisgar students is not likely to make a difference in

stock value.

The date of the dance is currently not chosen.

A

CRYPTIC

DANCE 2012

A cryptic dance will lead

to fun possibilities.


14/28

13Being Gifted: A PrivilegeBy: Amy Munro

eing in the gifted class is a very special experience. It all starts with the evaluation. It couldhappen when youre very young or later in your elementary school years. You sit through the

test and if you're lucky enough to pass you get put in a class with all the other privileged

children who endured it. The class is awesome. It has big black chalkboards that stretch majestically

across the walls and the chalk and erasers are found on a little silver shelf beneath. The chalk is often in

pieces and the erasers are dusty, but there is usually enough to serve its purpose. There are neat rows of

wooden and metal desks, sometimes with names carved into them, or doodles of notes and equations.

There is a circular analog clock on the wall that gets a lot of attention from the students in the class. The

inspirational posters around the room are meant to motivate, but they usually are a lot less popular than

the clock. There are often bookshelves all around the room full o

dictionaries and thesauruses that dont get used. The teachers

desk is generally located in the corner of the room, with a

computer and jars of pens and pencils and stacks of papers. There

are filing cabinets that are usually not opened while the students

are in the room, so it is hard to know what is in those. The bulletin

boards sometimes have posters or projects stapled to them or are

completely empty. There is usually a pencil sharpener somewhere

in the room that doesnt work very well and that is hardly eve

used because it makes so much noise. There are windows that

face outside, letting in the

sunlight and cool air when open. The class itself is a very special,

exciting place to be. Teachers attitudes can vary, but they areoften quite alike. They occasionally stray off topic, but mostly

they stay away from tangents and keep with the curriculum.

When students dont do their homework, they get mad

sometimes, but it happens too often for them to waste timelecturing about it every single day. The class is often noisy, and

nobody ever hears the announcements. There are the students

who are late nearly every day and think up creative excuses until

the teacher gives up berating them in front of the entire class. While working on group projects, most

people talk about other things that are completely unrelated, but there is always that one group who

gets all their work done by the end of the class and gives the teacher reason to make it due the next dayThere are the students who text, and the students who eat. Sometimes the teacher doesnt notice, and

sometimes the teacher just doesnt care. The majority of the time, when the teacher asks

questions, nobody volunteers to answer, and if they ask to see the homework, the

chances of the entire class having it done is zero. Being in a gifted class is very

exciting. All of these aspects of a gifted class are amazing; it is such a unique

experience!

B

Lisgarwrite


15/28

"STUDENTS ARE HAVING MORE AND MORE

DIFFICULTY COMPLETING THEIR

INTELLECTUAL TASKS. THEY NEED THE

EXTRA TIME FOR THEIR BRAINS TO PROCESS

ALL THAT IS GOING ON."

14The Effects ofFlex

Timeon StudentsBy: Jillian Wakarchuk

or many years, students, a branch of the human

species, have fascinated scientists. Numerous studies

have been done in relation to their subculture with a

special focus on the peer group and its effects on the

individual. Now that there is significant data that has

come from these studies, experts are turning their

attention to the strange behaviour they discovered that

was occurring during the months of January and June.

Recently, after a five-month long observation of

students at Lisgar Collegiate Institute, this new behaviour

has been analyzed. Once every six months, students go

through a process wherein they break their regular

sleeping schedule, hoard papers, and eat constantly

before entering a fighting ring of sorts to battle

intellectually against their peers to determine who will

become the alphas within the peer group. In the last few

years that experts have been observing Lisgar pupils,

there has been an increase in the length of time students

are spending in the rings. In 2009-2010, they emerged

two to three hours later victorious or defeated, but now

experts say that pupils are taking up to three days to

complete the process. When they emerge, there are

beaten and ragged in appearance. Some of the males

display evidence of rapid facial hair growth.

Max Wright, the project leader, named this new

behaviour flex time. Students are having more and more

difficulty completing their intellectual tasks. They need

the extra time for their brains to process all that is going

on, he explained. When they have to go head-to-head

in these battles four times in a row, it can be veryexhausting, he added. The new behaviour seems to be

helping.

Wright also mentioned that his team hopes to

continue the investigation into this ritualistic behaviour

for another five years. They were recently awarded a

large grant by the Ministry of Education for this project. A

more detailed account of his findings can be found in his

latest novel Putting Pupils to the Test: The effects of exam

season.

F

After a three day strug

student emerges victo

after a long intellectual

against their peers

Lisgarwrite


16/28

15

FoolscaP in all

its GloryBy: Julia Brillinger

oolscapknown as officio in strange, foreign

countriesis older than you might think. It was

invented in the 15th century by a German named

Spielmann, and has been since used for everything from

doodles to doctorates. However, the ingeniousness of

the product was not truly recognized until last month at

the 2012 Convention for Scholastic Goods, where

foolscap took home the Elbirret Prize for Most Useful

School Stationary Item, beating out mechanical pencils

that take 0.6 lead, white colouring pencils, and even the

ever-handy triangle-shaped thing that you get when you

buy a protractor.

Although foolscap is obviously ingenious, it has

always faced criticism from many of those forced to use

it. Some compare Spielmanns replacement of the

traditional 8.5x11 inch length with the longer 8.5x13.5

inch size to replacing the traditional wheel with a

hexagonal one. Foolscaps supporter say, however, that

this criticism is unwarranted, and that foolscapthough

usually too long to fit onto the desk nicely, thus making

writing harder, and though too long to fit into binders

thereby necessitating cramming into the bottoms of

bags or shoving between pages, and though foolscap

has no hole punches, thus making it even harder to put

anywhere, and though foolscap always seems to be of a

lower quality than other paper, and rips more easilyis

a completely different material from 8.5x11 inch paper.

Its like comparing Mandarin oranges to

tangerines, one supporter of foolscap told me. Only

an idiot would think that mainstream paper and

foolscap were the same. Obviously youre not going to

be able to use them for the same things, but that

doesnt stop foolscap from being amazing.

So what is it exactly that foolscap is used for?Thats pretty hard to answer, really, because foolscap

has such a tremendously wide range of uses. It is used

by students for everything from replacement

newspaper when stuffing cleats to dry overnight, to

protecting the bottom of school bags from lunchbox

spills, to mopping up spilled drinks, to doodling in class,

to making extra-long paper airplanes, to filling recycling

bins to make them look fuller. Foolscap is truly the most

useful paper-related invention of all time, and I am glad

its awesomeness is finally being recognized.

F

Lisgarwrite


17/28

16

By: Alex Kuhn

OTTAWA, ON An intruder who attempted to break

into a classroom at Lisgar Collegiate this Wednesday

found himself sorely disappointed by the school's

lockdown procedure. It was just so easy, said Daniel

Phelps (32), the man who successfully overcame all

security protocols and entered room 302 this week, in a

police interview. I mean, I was expecting to be...foiled,

or something. You know, I'd come in, there'd be an

announcement, then I would go from class to class

trying all the doors and each time, I would be rebuffed

by the slick, well-oiled machine that is the school

lockdown. Instead, I just shot the lock. He remained

silent for several minutes after this, clearly fighting back

tears. I didn't even get to pretend to be a police

officer, he added.

A student who preferred to

remain unnamed said he

followed Phelps out of the

room following the incident.

He just looked so sad, he

said. It was like, his whole

life had been leading up to

this moment, and then it

was over so fast. I mean, he

clearly didn't want to hurt

anybody. When I got

outside, (Phelps) was just

sitting on the curb, his head

in his hands. The guy looked

so down, I just kind of wanted

to hug him.

Phelps grew more hopefu

when police arrived on the

scene, waving his firearm

around wildly and shouting

You'll never take me alive!

don't have time to bleed! His

cries were silenced when

Officer Kowalski (27) punched

him in the face, knocking

Phelps to his feet and

rendering him unconscious

Upon awakening in the car, Phelps became franticasking the officers questions like Am I going to get life,

or just 25 to life? and How does it feel to catch such a

brutal and terrifying criminal? Phelps continued to ask

these questions despite repeated exposure to peppe

spray, until Kowalski's partner Officer Schroeder (28

told him that the most he would receive was 200 hours

of community service for vandalism and probably

some kind of therapy. At this point Phelps became very

quiet.

Today, Phelps has stepped out of the police station, ashe is no longer seen as a threat and his constant wailing

was beginning to disturb other officers. He claims that

his time in the lock-up has given him a new lease on

life.

I used to think it was my fault, said Phelps, the wind

blowing in his hair as he affected a look of deep

introspection. Like I'd cheated or something. But you

know what? I'm their customer. If they go around telling

people that they're completely safe, and I take them on

their word, that's their fault. I can't believe a schoo

board would tell such hurtful lies.

However, Phelps remains optimistic. Once I finish my

community service and group healing sessions, it's off to

a bank, he declared, a note of confidence entering his

voice. I hear they've got armed guards. That'll be way

better than waiting for the police to arrive.

Local law enforcement is aware of Phelps' next big

score, but remains unconcerned.

You'll never

ake me alive! I

on't have time

to bleed!.

If they go around

telling people that

they're completely

safe, and I take

them on their word,that's their fault. I

can't believe a

school board would

tell such hurtful

lies.

Intruder At Lisgar

Collegiate institute

Lisgarwrite


18/28

17An Investigation on

Academic IntegrityEverything you need to know to master

the art of academic dishonesty.

By: Angela Li

ExhibitAA research paper submitted by a high school English student begins, Academic dishonesty is any type of

cheating that occurs in relation to a formal academic exercise. It can include plagiarism, fabrication, deception, cheating,

bribery, sabotage, professional misconduct, and impersonation.

Wait a second-- somethings not right here. You do a double take and look beyond the blatant lack of style or

appeal in the introduction, beyond the obviously disinterested, disconnected tone, beyond the triteness of syntax anddiction, and notice that it looks startlingly similar to an encyclopedia entry, like a page on Wikipedia, perhaps. Suspicious

now, you do a quick search on Google; the first hit is, indeed, a Wikipedia article that mirrors the students paper,

verbatim. Whats more, the careless student has forgotten to remove the hyperlinks to other Wikipedia articles. You

shake your head in dismay. This poor cheater just cant get it right.

The skilled student knows when to use a thesaurus, when to substitute bland academic writing for more natural-

sounding phrases, and most importantly, when to remove those pesky hyperlinks. Wikipedia is convenient, accessible,

and completely reputable, but dont draw attention to yourself by plagiarizing articles exactly. It s much too

conspicuous.

Use a thesaurus. Substitute bland academic writing

for more natural-sounding phrases.

Remove those hyperlinks!

Lisgarwrite


19/28

18ExhibitBAn unusually clumsy student has knocked over his pencil case for the

twentieth time during his European history midterm exam. Each time he crawls

under his desk to gather his belongings, he fumbles with his cell phone

captivated by the dark, shiny plastic, his eyes scanning the surface. Just

checking the time, maam, he says sheepishly. He mouths something else to

himself. Then he emerges, grinning and looking oddly relieved, and picks up his

pen, ready to tackle the question again.

But you are incredulous: how often does he need to check the time?

Good heavens, its 10:05 now; four minutes ago, it was 10:01! No, the secret to

testing success is not keeping track of the time or pacing yourself, but acting

natural. The bad ones are usually the first-timers who look awkward, or act

suspiciously when using crib notes, but even experts have to start somewhere

They start small, maybe with an eraser or a calculator lid. Or they just sit

behind someone who knows his stuff. Never do they smuggle technology into aJurassic-age classroom or make a mess of pencil shavings on the floor.

Mastering the art of cheating takes more than four minutes. If you fai

the first time, try something new.

Act natural, don't look awkward Start small, don't hide your notes somewhere obvious Sit behind someone smart

ExhibitCThis is the student who had blonde hair and glasses one day,

brown hair and contacts the next. The one who wore Gap one day,

Gucci the next. And according to her school ID, Jessica Smith one

day, Anne Brown the next. She races through the calculus test and

receives a grade of 100% effortlessly.

You shrug it off; shes just a brainy chameleon. But upon second inspection, you wonder, Didnt this girl take

this test yesterday? No, thats quite impossible: Shes no identity thief; she would be found out too easily. Dressingalike and switching ID cards are hardly acceptable for savvy cheaters. Why stop there? Go all out. Plastic surgery is cheap

across the border. Government-issued ID can be purchased on the black market.

To become a master of academic deception, your options areinfinite.

Academic honesty is an obsolete concept: everyone plagiarizes, cheats, personates. Your conclusion?

Good cheaters dont get caught.

Work Cited

Academic dishonesty. Wikipedia. Wikimedia Foundation, 24 May 2012. Web. 24 May 2012.

Lisgarwrite


20/28

19

Missed ConnectionsBy: Alex Rochon

Yummy Hunk with

TI-83

Voluptuous

Volleyballer

Sibelius-and me-

lover?Dapper Debater

I saw you, your spry and

seasoned hands punching

in numbers; your Calc BC

book was spread open

across the table. Maybe the

numbers are against us, but

Id very much like to see

you again, in a more

calculated setting. Coffee

after summative season?

Black shorts and chocolate

eyes. Your serve was magic

and your spiking was off-

the-charts. Id like to see

how those skills translate to

the bounce of a

conversation, the way your

leaps and bounds bounce

your voluminous hair.

Outside the strings room

7:20 Tuesday. Your tender

bowing and tight tempo

made Op. 26 come to life in

a rousing solo performance.

You brought me to

TampereId like to bring

you to dinner. Or maybe

the NAC for Das Ring des

Nibelungen?

Your swaying tie and your

vivacious hands captured

my gaze; your words

excited my logic and incited

my heart. Maybe someday I

can reason my way into

your life, but for now, Im

content to watch.

Spacesim Sweetheart? Sultry ShakespeareanMonument

PhilosopherThe Rower

I saw you on the fourth

floor, talking H.R. Giger

outside the chem room.

Would you be alien tosome city hall salad, so I

could pick your brain

sometime?

I first saw you on Crispens

Day, but our story is more

of a winters tale. I last saw

you in March, please dontbe so shy; youve unlocked

me. So give me a

Lancastrian rose and I can

be the Cleopatra to your

Antony.

You impressed me with

your personal depth and

uniquely springtime scent.

Your laid-back nature andswell attitude makes me

want to see more of you

your hacky sack skills were

smoking.

Your iron-rod arms and

sinewy quadriceps oscillate

like pistons, the ergometer

shaking with your vigorouspull. I similarly shiver in

anticipation for your next

session.

Rugby AmazonChem Tutor Lost but

not ForgottenArt Show Virtuoso?

LOST!! Blackberry

Bold 9700

You jogged up the field, ball

in hand, trying for the win.Your powerful legs pushed

you the distance, your

sweaty hair framing your

strained face and the

photos I took got me a 96

on my ComTech

assignment.

I, panicking over the

pending titration.

You, your expertise calming

my nerves like a

subcompound of 2,4,6-

(1H,3H,5H)-

pyrimidinetrione.

iTHANK YOU!

Your painting seemed

simple enough at first, acottage on a placid lake.

But the image stuck; even

now I feel the equable

breeze on my neck, can see

the shiny scales of the pike

just under the surface. I

have dreamt of summers

never spent; I need to see

more of your work.

Lost in the girls

changeroom on Monday.Dont bother returning It,

Im just glad you took it off

my hands. Now I can get a

Samsung or something.

Lisgarwrite


21/28

20

A Ladys Guide to the Experience

By: Margot Whittington

or girls today, there are few opportunities as excellent as prom to showcase ones elegance and

importance. With the decline of cotillions and balls, young women in modern society have limited

events at which they can present themselves as ladies. As prom is a once in a lifetime experience and a

rare opportunity for young ladies today to exhibit their charm and grace, it should be treated with the utmostdedication and seriousness. This evening will define you and how your peers think of you. Thus, a lady must be wary of

her decisions, so that these decisions will not ruin her evening. In preparation for prom, all the right choices must be

made, for if you do not choose wisely, mistakes may be made, and it would not do for a single segment of this

incredibly unique event to go awry.

The following three tips will guide you to avoidany mishaps, thus allowing for your perfect

prom experience.

A female must choose her dress.

It must be elegant and sophisticated, but must also reveal ones

personality. Most girls these days opt for the longer gown, proving themto be modest, yet chic. Including some bling, as the youth of today

refer to it, is imperative, so a girl can sparkle amongst all the other girls in

their jewel-encrusted garments. The girl with the most jewels on her

dress often wins some sort of prize or title. Its very important that you

compete for this prize; otherwise, you may stand out from all the other

girls in their glitzy outfits. Be warned, though; it is most important to

assure no other girl has your same dress. This would result in catastrophe

because this dress is your signature, and embodies how your peers will

remember you forever.

A female must find herself a suitable date.

Choose your suitor wisely, as he will be in every one of your photos. You cant be seen att ending an event witha mediocre-looking boy, can you now? These photos will be cherished within your family for many years to

come, and therefore your date must look good. Pick your date based on two attributes: his attractiveness and

his willingness to comply with your every wish. Prom is your night and he has to allow for things to go yourway. He must be willing to allow for you to choose his suit, his shoes, his hairstyle, as well as who you both sit

with and where you both will go after prom. If he agrees to adhere to your decisions, and is handsome, then

you have found a decent enough boy to take you. Flirt with him heavily by batting your eyelashes frequently

in the months leading up to the event, and mention prom often. He will surely get the hint and ask you

promptly.

F

Lisgarwrite


22/28

21A female must chooseher shoes, jewelry and

hairstyle.

These accents have the ability to make or

break the event and thus are the most

consequential decisions relating to prom.

One stray hair and your pictures, which your

family will revere for the next fifteen years or

so, are ruined. In order to avoid that, it is best

to attend a fancy hair salon and pay extensive

sums for a lady to attack you with a curling

iron and a can of hairspray. But rest assured,

the photos will be worth it, if you choose a

cute enough date, that is. The shoes and

jewelry must match your dress perfectly, forthe same reasons. One colour is slightly off

and the evening is ruined. Be sure to choose the highest heels you can walk in so that you look to be a foot taller than

your regular height this is the latest trend and all your friends will do so, and if you dont, you once again risk standing

out, which, of course, is not acceptable.

f you follow these three vital tips, your prom shall be a success and your coveted prom photos will be

fabulous. You will present yourself to society as a lady, and perhaps you will even enjoy yourself, too

Follow these tips carefully, though, for if this night is not one of utter perfection, you may never forgive

yourself. Prom is an experience you will remember forever, and if any one thing goes wrong, you will be

plagued by the memory of that one deplorable detail. These tips, however, act as a guideline to having the perfect

prom. I implore you to not take them lightly, for if you do, your entire high school experience may be sabotaged andyour peers will remember you as a loser. Your ten-year reunion would be awkward because your heels were two inches

shorter than the level determined to be socially acceptable, your date had a grotesque pimple, and your dress was not

bedazzling enough. You wouldnt want that now, would you?

I

Lisgarwrite


23/28

22How toProcrastinate

Like a ProBy: Alexandra Mason-Guertin

he end of the school year is always packed with

thousands of projects, summatives, and exams.

Students will usually find themselves feeling

stressed, tired, and overworked but there is a way you

can sleep again: procrastination. People today work way

too hard and never allow themselves breathing room;

let yourself be the first of your friends who is stress-free, and just put it all off! Such an action like

procrastination may seem hard at first, but it really is a

fairly easy thing to do. By following this step-by-step

guide on how to procrastinate, you will soon be a

legend among your friends and know how to contain

your stress-levels like no one you know!

The first step on your journey to a stress-free

end of year is understanding the nature of

procrastination. The word procrastinate originates for

the Latin verb prcrstintus which means to put offuntil tomorrow. Procrastinating is doing exactly what it

sounds like, putting everything off until it is completely

necessary. By doing so, your workload is not extended

over a prolonged period of time and you gain the ability

to do the things that make you happy in life and not any

boring studying or summative research. As long as you

manage to ward off any lingering worries about the

project or exam, this method can only do you good!

Letting go of all your worries is an

essential part of procrastination. You must

be able to push the thoughts of your

upcoming exam or project away, and focus

only on distracting, brainless methods of

entertainment. Activities such as surfing

YouTube, scrolling down your Tumblr

dashboard for hours, or merely wasting

hours on Facebook stalking your long-lost

friends can aid in numbing your mind. Television and

video games are two excellent alternate methods if the

internet holds little appeal to you.

Finally, you must make sure to do absolutely

nothing productive while procrastinating. When

avoiding school work, you must extend your avoidanceto other activities such as cleaning, reading, or any

other sort of homework. By doing so, you exterminate

any potential rushes of proactive thought. Motivation to

get things done and motivation to extend the work ove

a long period of time are the enemies to

procrastinators. Extending the workload over multiple

days only prolongs the stress, gives you less time on

Tumblr, and makes you complete only small parts of a

project every night. Avoiding proactivity is the final key

to procrastinating like a pro!

Some people see doing a project in one night or

studying for an exam at the last minute as a bad idea

These are the people who are against procrastination

such as teachers and parentsthe very same people

who bring stress to your life. By following the three tips

given above, you will soon find yourself in a world

where work is done in only one night, and the rest of

your week is free for you to do whatever brain-dead

activity you desire. Just remember, always put it off

until tomorrow unless tomorrow is when its due

Lisgarwrite

Facebook, YouTube, and

Tumblr are perfect ways

to rocrastinate.


24/28

Lisgarwrite 23

Why you Really LikeBy: Bronte McGillis

"My favourite book is Harry-"

"STYLES?!"

"Wait, what-"

"MAKES YOU BEAUTIFUL?!"

"Um, I gotta-"

"BE YOU?!"

"Wow Maybe I should-"

"HAVE KISSED YOU?!"

""

o goes the typical conversation with a "Directioner." Perhaps I should explain (for those of you who

haven't caught on to the widespread boy-band hysteria currently sweeping across the female world). OneDirection is a group of five teenage guys who are really famous for looking good and singing okay. Sorry

it's the truth. So I ask you: what's the point of going to a concert to hear a bunch of mediocre voices? You can

barely see them, if that's why you like 1D.

Here's the best explanation I can come up with: since the

dawn of civilization (I know you just read that in a Discovery

Channel voice), humans have loved to believe in things

togetherto be part of something bigger, as it were. For

example, the first settled human tribes 10,000 years ago had

already formed basic religions. People love the feeling ofcommunity that comes from loving the same thing.

This also goes for One Direction. And Justin

Bieber. And any other teen male heart-throb

you can think of. It's all about being able to

connect to all the other people who love

them. You don't really like One Direction; you

like the idea of liking One Direction.

S


25/28

Lisgarwrite[Year]1

Apartment 143(June 1st, 2012)

family is haunted by a

violent ghost believed

to be one of their dead

family members; they attempt

to resolve the situation by

hiring a team of experts from

an institution. This movie

resembles Paranormal

Activitys camera usage and

will probably be very similar to

the Paranormal Activityseries

in every aspect, so it is not

recommended to anyone; it's

a waste of time.

High School

(June 1st, 2012)Drugs, thugs, and nudity are basically everything in

this high school. On top of that, there are stoned

students, more drugs, and a fuming principal who

is enforcing a drug test on every student in the

school and will expel those students who do not

pass. The chaos that will arise is extremely obvious!

This is recommended to anyone who would love to

laugh at the sexual innuendos and stupidity that

drugs induce.

(June 8th, 2012)

An adaptation of Guy de Maupassant's nove

brings you the story of the charming,

penniless soldier Georges Duroy, played by

Robert Pattinson. In the city of Paris, where

true power lies in the hands of the wives,

not the husbands, George uses his wits and

powers of seduction to open doors to

bourgeois households and equally bourgeois

bedrooms. This is a great choice for fans of

Robert Pattinson and Casanova.

Prometheus(June 8th, 2012)

This is a futuristic thriller that largely resembles the

movie Predators. A ship is assigned to discover the

secret that lies behind an ancient invitation and

unknowingly enters a nightmare filled with alien

snakes...And yes, even the alien of a similar species

to those in Predators. Nevertheless, this is a good

movie choice if you are fascinated by any alien-

related apocalyptic theories!

A

24June Movie Month

By: Celine Fu


26/28

Lisgarwrite[Year]1

Rock of Ages(June 15th, 2012)

he director ofHairspraypresents drugs, sex,and rock and roll! Okay, maybe without the

drugs, but this movie definitely has quite a

bit of sexual activity for a musical, and there are

definitely a lot of stars in the cast: Tom Cruise, Alec

Baldwin, Mary J. Blige, etc. The movie also

demonstrates the frivolous party life clashed with

religious abstinence that was common in 1987.

Brave(June 22nd, 2012)

Brave relates a heartwarming story of a talented,unique girl named Merida, the daughter of King

Fergus. A warrior at heart, she defies the feminine

customs set upon girls and endeavors to carve her

own path of life. As a creation of both Disney and

Pixar, this movie is, as usual, comical, but still

manages to be touching, just like Up and Wall.E. It

is recommended to everyone!

Storage 24(June 29th, 2012)

London is in chaos as a military cargo ship carrying

highly classified contents, in other word, aliens

crashes. The contents spread throughout the city,

which marks the beginning of an intense surviva

game. It's thrilling and filled with action; if you are

a fan of s aid traits, watch this movie.

T

25


27/28

Lisgarwrite 26

Out of Contexts

Its not weird if youre Greek.-Ms. Van de Walle

Cougar-town wasnt around back then.-Mr. Meng

The French protest EVERYTHING I just sat at a caf and watched the protests. It was very entertaining.

-Ms. McWhinnie

Ive got gonads on the brain. Its very exciting.-Ms. Engel

Oooh Busted!-Ms. Van de Walle

This is NOT Jurassic Park!-Mme. Kunstmann

I will sit here and pout! Impress me.-Mr. Hodgson

Americans are so proud of being Canadian.-Ms. McWhinnie

To use a technical word. Term. Phrase. Word. Phrasee. Yucky. Never mind.-Mr. Grose

My bathroom is immaculate, behold my toilet!-Mr. Hodgson

[About Twitter] NO. In whatever context, I will in absolutely no way ever follow you.-Ms. Whitfield

Not every note is equal. Music isnt socialism.-Ms. Mennill

Its very important to know that hes a pimp.-Mme. Kunstmann

Doesnt anyonewant to be a player?

-Ms. Wick

Kraft Dinner and Cheetos belong to the same food group. Its called Fluorescent Orange.-Ms. Engel

Thats what she said Wait, no!-Ms. McWhinnie


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Acknowledgements

Editor-in-Chief:Bridget Guan

Layout Design and Formatting:Mark Xue

Writers and Contributors:

Rusaba Alamjulia brillinger

Celine Fu

Akhil Garg

Bridget Guan

nancy guo

angela li

alex kuhnalexandra-mason-Guertin

Bronte McGillis

Ariana mihai

hana moidujulian moran

amy munro

Alex rochon

henry schut

roy sengupta

sarah-seward-langdon

Jillian Wakarchukowen watt

margot whittington

mark xue

Teacher Mentor and Supervisor:Mr. Hodgson

Special Thanks to:Mr. Grills, Mr. Grose, Mr. McMAHON

To all our beloved readers: we love to hear from all of the Lisgar community so feel free to send in your

comments, feedback, and thoughts regarding this month's issue of the Lisgarwrite.

27Lisgarwrite

Lisgarwrite June Edition

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Transcript of Lisgarwrite June Edition