.. fT!' ':· .....:. .- J(i ... .' . :: .'. ',':.': (7 .. "!;' . "=:;;- •I:: '. '.")i; . ,.... / \\.:' .::::.: ..... ... 'ii-' .... ( I • \.

':: I ':.. :.' . . ., '. G" V .' "- . ;.L::<- "\ i'\ :... .}} ") r" 1'---:- __

j\:::IT1JI -Ii \ 11 ll_flf-J m-:::,)11... 111 \1--E. ., .J" J .••illi .. """. •• J "'.i.i

I\ll\l -lJ"iT li\lWl(off

believe inpressuring the children. When the time is rig!Jt, they'llchoose the appropriategender. »

:;AGING THE TEXT

)r charges that most languages present gender as "binary and penna-" (para. 3). Has this been your own view? How does Devor challenge dea-that is, what's the alternative to gender being binary and penna--and how persuasive do you find his evidence? , according to Devor, do children "acquire" gender roles? What are 'unctions of the "generalized other" and the "significant other" in this 3SS?

ain the distinction Devor makes between the "I" and the "me" (paras, 1B). Write a journal entry deSCribing some of the differences between own "}" and "IIle."

g examples from Devor and from other reading or obseIvation, list "activities and modes of expression" (para. 12) that society considers Icteristically lemale and characteristically male. Which are aC<:eptable gender behaviors, and which are not? Search for a "rule" that defines types of crossgender behaviors are tolerated.

ome aspects of the traditional gender roles deSCribed by Devor seem changing? If so, which ones, and how?

1·;xl'l.( 1111 N(; CON N1';( :'1'1 ( lNS

Ii, Ikvilw Ildle Moore Cultlphdl's "Envy" (p. 118); what evidence of gender mil! socialization do you Hnd in the storyP To what extent do Moore's child-hood llxperiences complicate Devor's presentation of gender role acquisi-lion?

7, To what extent do Alexis de TocqueviIle's views of women and men (p. 4]7) reflect the "patriarchal gender schema" as Devor defines it?

H, Drawing on Devor's discussion of gender role fonnation, analyze the dif-ference between the "I" and the "me" of the girl in Jamaica Kincaid's story (p,421). .

9. How would Devor explain the humor of the cartoon on page 432? How do the details of the cartoon-the setting, the women's appearance, the three pictures on the coffee table-contribute to its effect?

EXTENDING THE CRITICAL CONTEXT

10. As a class, identify at least half a dozen men living today who are widely ad-mired in American culture. To what extent do they embody the "four main attitudes of masculinity" outlined by Devor (para. 19)?

n. Write an essay or journal entry analyzing your own gender role socializa-tion, To what extent have you been pressured to <-'anform to conventional roles? To what extent have you resisted them? What roles have "general-ized others" and "significant others" played in shaping your identity?

The Story of My Body JUDITH ORTIZ COFER

Accepting the idea that gender roles are socially constructed might not be too dif.ftcult, but It may come a shock to 'reallze that even the way we see our bodies is filtered through the lens ofsocial values and beltefs. In this personal essay, Judith Ortiz Cofer reflects on the different roles her own body 1uM assumed in different contexts and cultures-the ways that differ-ent societies have "read" the meanings ofher phYSical appearance, The story ofher body becomes, to some extent, the story ofher life, and woven into the tale are int-rtguing comments on gender and on cross-cultured perception. A native of Puerto Rico, Ortiz Cofer (b. 1952) is the Franklin Professor of En-glish and Creative W-rtting at the University of Georgia. Her publteations include The Line of the Sun (1989), a novel; Silent Dancing (1990), a collec-tion of poetry and prose; An Island Like You: Stories of the Barrio (1996);

434 TnUE WOMI';N AND ilEAl. /0.1 EN

(///(/ VVolllall in Front of til(' SlIn: On lkcOIlling a \\'rikr (:!{)(){) I, "TlI(' S/""/f ofM') Bot!')"l/ppcared ill/wr short s/or') mLLccU"Il, Till' Latill D(·1i (J!N'3J,

1\1 is tlw stOl:' or 111\' !Jo(h', -VI(;T(J!IIIEIt:,\,\:,\IlEZCllt'Z

Skin '"

, I born a white> girl in PUl'rto Rico bnt l)('canw a brown when I callie to live in thc United States. My Puerto Wean rdatin's called III(' tall: at the American school, some of my rougher classmates called m!.' Bones, and the Shrimp because I was the smallest member of classes all through grallllllar school until high school, when the midgl't was given the honorary post of front row center for class pictures and scorc-keeper, bench wanner, in P.E. I reached my full stature of [h'e feet in sixth grade.

I started out life as a pretty baby and learned to be a pretty girl frolll a pretty mother. Then at ten years of age I suffered one of the worst cases of chicken pox I have ever heard or. My entire body, including the inside of my ears and in between my toes, was covered with pustules which in a fit of panic at my appearance I scratched off my face, leaVing permanent scars. A crucl school nurse told nle I would always have them-tiny ClitS that looked as if a iliad cat had plunged its claws del'p into my skill. I grew my hair long and hid behind it for the first years of my adolescence. This was when I learned to be invisible.

Color In the animal world it indicates danger: the most colorful creatures arc

often the most poisonous. Color is also a way to attract and seduce a nUltl'. In the human world color triggers many more complex and often deadly re-actions. As a Puerto Rican girl born of "white" parents, I spent thc first years of my life hearing people refer to me as bll/llca. white. My mother in-sisted that I protect myself from the intense island sun because I was marc prone to sunburn than some of my darker, triglleiio' playmates. People were always commenting within my hearing about how my black hair con-trasted so nicely with my "pale" skin. I did not think of the color of my skin consciously except when I heard the adults talking about compleXion. It seems to me that the subject is much lIIore common in the cOI\\'ersation of mixed-race peoples than in mainstream United States society, where it is a touchy and sometimes even embarrassing topic to discuss, except in a politi-cal context. In Puerto Hico l heard many conversations ahout skin color. .-\

llriguelio: DrowlI-skinlll'd.

(JHTIZ (;( • 'I'll E STOIIY OF MY BODY 435

prq!nant woman could say, "I hope my baby docsn't tum out prieto" (slang for "dark'" or "blaek") "like my husband's grandmother, although she a good-looking in her time." I am a combination of both, being olive-skinncd -lighter than \I1Y motlH>r yet darker than my fair-skinned father. In ..\lIIeriea. 1 alii a I)('rson or eo]or. obviously a Latina. all thc Island I havc been ealled p\·er:.thing from a paloma blallca,3 after the song (by a black suitor), to la :,:1111;,:a. 4

first ('xI)('ri('IIl'(' of color pn'ju(liee occurred ill a supermarket in Pa-terson. 1\'e\\' Jersey. It was Christmastime, and I was eight or nine years old. Tlwre was a display of to),s in the store where I went two or three times a day to buy tllings for III)' lIIot11er, who Ilever made lists but scnt for milk, cigar<'ttC's, a can of this or that, as she remembered from hour to hour. I en-jO:'l'l1 heing trusted \\;th money and walking half a city block to the new, nlOd('m grocery store. It was owned by three good-looking Italian brothers. I liked the younger one with the crew-cut blond hair. The two older ones watched me and the other Puerto Rican kids as if they thought we were going to steal something. The oldest one would sometimes even try to hurry me \\ith purchases, although part of my pleasure in these expeditions came from looking at e\'er:thing in the well-stocked aisles. I was also teach-ing to read English by sonnding out the labels on packages: L&M cig-arettes. Borden's homogenized milk, Red Devil potted ham, Nestle's choco-late mix, Quaker oats, Bustelo coffee, Wonder bread, Colgate toothpaste, l\'()ry soap, and Coya (makers of products used in Puerto Rican dishes) e\'er:thing-these are some of the brand names that taught me nouns, Sev-eral times this man had come up to me, wearing his blood-stained butcher's apron. and towering O\'er me had asked in a harsh voke whether there was something he could help me find. On the way out I would glance at the

brother who ran one of the registers and he would often smile and \\ink at me.

It was the mean brother who first referred to me as "colored." It was a 5 few days before Christmas, and my parents had already told my brother and, me that since we were in Los Estados5 now, we would get our presents on Deccmber 2.') instead of Los Reyes, Three Kings Day, when gifts are ex-changed in Puerto Rieo. We were to give them a wish list that they would take to Santa Claus, who apparently lived in the Macy's store downtown-at least that's where we had caught a glimpse of him when we went shop-ping. Since my parents werC' timid about entering the fancy store, we did not approach the huge man in the red suit. I was not interested in sitting on a stranger's lap anyway. But I did covet Susie, the talking schoolteacher doll that \\'as displayed in the center aisle of the Italian brothers' supermarket.

Black. '/,u/ol//(/ h!(//leu: \\'I.it(· do\'(>, lin :!..ri"t!a: :\ whitC". woman. 'Lol EII(1(/"': "Till' States'-tllat is, the United Statl's.

4:lIi TIIUI': \\'oMI,:N AND 111':1\1.

She talked )'011 pulled a sl ring on Ilel" back. Snsie had a Ii Inil.,d reper-loire of three sentences: I thillk she could sa\': .. Ikill), 1'111 Snsi(' Sehool-leacher," "Two pins' two is rour," and 011(' oth;'1" thin" [ eannot n'II\('IIII)('J'. The day til<' older hrotll<'r c1wsed nw away, I to tOlleh Snsi(''s IJlolIJ curls. I had be('11 lolillllallY lilll<'S, as Illosl c1lildrl'1I I.an'. lIot to IOlle!.

in the store that [ was not But I had been looking at Susit' for weeks. [n' my miud, she was Illy doll. After all. [ had put hN on my

rvisll list'. The 1II01lleni is frozell in Illy Illind as if tll<'rl' W('J"(' a of it on file. It not a turning point, a disastt'r, or an e.1I1h-

shllking It was the first timl' I considered -if nain'ly-lhe meanillg or skill colol" in 1""lIali relaliolls.

[ reaclwd to tonch Snsie's hair. It seems to mt' that I had to get on tip- toe, since the toys were stackl'd on a table and she sat like a princess on top of the fanly hox she call1l' in. Then [ Iward til<' bOOlning "I ley, kid, what do you think you're doing'" spoken wry loudly from the meat cOlmtt'J'. I [cIt

although I knew [ not dOing anything criminal. [ rememher not looking at the man, but standing there, feeling humiliated because I knew everyone in tbe store must have heard him yell at me. [ felt him approaeh, and when I knew he was behind me, [ turned around to face the blood\' hutcher's apron. His large c1wst was at Illy eye Icve\. Ill' blocked nly way. '1 started to run out of the place, but even as I reaehed the door [ heard him shout after me: "Don't come in here unless you gonna buy something, You PR kids put your dirty hands on stuff. You always look dirty. But mayhe dirty brown is your natural color." I heard him laugh and someone else too in the buck, Outside in the I looked at I1\Y hands. My nails needed a Iiule cleaning they always did, since I liked to paint with \\"Itercolors. hut I took a bath every night. I thought the mall was dirtier than I was in his stained apron. He was also always showed in big yellow circl('s under his I sat IlII tht" front steps of the apal111H'ut Illlildiug when- we lived and looked closelv at mv hands, wldeh showed tl\(' onl\' skin I could see. since it was hitter co'ld aut) [ was wearing Illy qUilted coat. dungarees, and a knitted n<l\Y eap of Illy fath(·(,'s. [ was not pink like UIY friend Charlene and her sister Kathy, who had hlue eyes and light browu hair. My skin is the color of the coffee my grandmother made, which waS half lIlilk, [celIe COil cafe rather than cafe COli [celle.1i My mother is the oppo-site mix. She has a lot of cafc in her color. I could not understand how m\' skin looked like dirt to the supermarket man. .

I went in and washed lily hands thoroughly with soap ant] hot water. and borrowing my mothPr's uail file, I deaned the crusted watt'l'colors from underneath my nails. I was pleased with the results. fo.'iy skin was the same color as before, but I knew [ dean. Clean enough to mn my fingt"rs

Susie's fine gold hair when she callle home to nlt'.

"Iee/", COli coft! ... cafe COli lcdII': Milk with colle" bro\\1.) ... collcl' "ith milk (.lark

bmwn).

OB'!'I'/. (:( ll'EB • TilE STOBY OF MY BODY 437

Sizl' mother is bardy four ft'd eleven inches in which is average

lilr mJllI('n in Il<'r falllily. \\'11<'11 I gw\\' to n\,(, ft"l'! by agc twelve, she waS aillaz"d amllwgan to US(' tIl<' word tall to dt"seril>c' mt", as in "Since you arc tall, this dress will look good on you." As with the color of my skin, I didn't consciously think about my height or size until other people made an issue of it. It is around the pn'<ldolesccut y('ars that iu America the chil-dren play for fun become fierce competitions where everyoue is out to "pro\e" they are better than others. It was in the playground and sports fi •. lds (bat Illy siz('-n'lat('d I'ro1ll('uls !)('g<lu. No matlt'l' how faruiliar the story is, en!/" dlild wll(J is till' chosen (or a team kuO\vs the torIllent of waiting to bt: called up. At the Paterson, New Jersey, public schools that I attended, the \'olleyball or softball gllme was the metaphor for the battle-field of life to the inner city kids-the black kids versus the Puerto Rican kids. the whites \,ersus the blacks versus the I'uerto Hican kids; and I was -tF,7 skinny, short, bespectaded, and apparently impervious to the blood thirst that drove many of my classmates to play ball as if their lives de-pended on it. Perhaps they did. I would rather be reading a book than sweating, and mnning the risk of pain and injury. I simply did not see the point in competitive sports. My main form of exercise then was \\',llking to the library, many city blocks away from my banio.

Still, I wanted to be wanted. I wanted to be chosen for the team. Physi-cal education was compulsory, a dass where you were actually given a grade. On my mainly al1 A report card, the C for compassion I always re-ceh'ed from the P.E. teachers shamed me the same as a bad gmde in a real chlss. Innuiably. my fathC'r wonld say: "lIow can you make a low gmde for playing glJII/{'s':>" He did not understand. Even if I had to make a hit (it uewr happelwd) or gt't the ball over that ridiculously high net, I already had a repntation as a "shrinlp," a hopeless nonathlete. It an area where the girls who tlidn't lik(' nl(> for one or another-mainly lwt'ause I did better than they on academic subjects-could lord it over JIlt': the field waS tIll' place where even the smal1est girl could make me feel powerless and inferior. I instinctively the politics even then: how the /lot choosing nw until the teadler one of the team cap-tains to c,ill my name was a coup of s0l1s-there, yOll little show-off, tomor-row can bt'at us in spelling and geography, but this afternoon you'are the loser. Or perhaps those were only my own bitter thoughts as I sat or stood in tllP sidelines while the big were grabbed like fish and I, the little brO\\1l tadpole, was ignored until Teacher looked over in my gen-eral direction and shouted, "Call Ortiz," or, worse, "Somebody's got to tah, her."

'-If: Draft-board dassifieation "uufit for military s<',,;c<,:" h<'ncc, not physically fit.

43S THUE AND ilEAl. MEN

No wonder I read \Vonder\Volllan and had Legion ofSupl'r lIe- III

daydreams. Although I wanted to think of "intdll'ctnal:' my body demanding that I notice it. I saw the little swelling arollnd once-Hat nipples, the fiJlC' f!;rowillf!; in hilt wer!' still hif!:ger thall Illy 'alld I always wore long- or half-sl(·(·\'(' blollses to hide lily bony upper I wanted lIesh on Illy boues-a thick of it. I saw a new product advertised on TV. 'Nate-On. They showed lilt'll and wOlllen hefo,re and ,ifter taking the stufe aud it was a transli>nnation Iik(' the

ads that I saw on the hack covers of my comic books. The 'vVate-On was vl'ry expensin·. I tlied to l'X-plainlny need I()r it in Spanish to Iny IlIolllI'r, hnt it didu't trallslate n'ry \\"ell. even to my ears-and she said with a tone of finality. eat more of my good food and you'll get fat -anybody can get fat. Il.ight. Except lIle. I \\',LS going to han> to join a circus sOllleday ,LS Skinny the wOlllan without IIl'sli.

Wonder 'vVoman was stacked. She had a cleavaf!;e framed by the spread wings of a golden eagle and a muscular body that has becollle hshionable with wOlllen only recently. But sincc I wanted a hody that wOllld se'....'· 1111'

in P.E., hers was my ideal. The breasts were an indulgenct' I allo\\"ed myself. Perhaps the daydreams of bigger girls were more glamorous. since our arc filtered through our npeds, hut I wanted first a power/ill body. I daydreamed of leaping up above the gray landscape of tbe city to where tbe sky was clear and blue, and in auger and self-pity. I abont scooping my enemies up by their hair from tbt> pla;in!!: fields and dumping them on a barren asteroid. I would put the P.E. teacht'rs each on their own rock in space too, where they would he the loneliest people in the universe. since I knew they had no "inJler resollfces," no imagination, and in outer space, there would be no air for them to fill their t!ellated mlleyhalls with. In my mind all P.E. teachers have blemled into one largt' spil.;y-hairt'd woman with a whistle Oil a string around her neck alit! a volleyhall ullder one ann. My Wonder Woman of were a source of comfort to me in my early career as a sllIimp.

I was saved from more years of P.E. torment by the fact that in sophomore year of high school I transferred to a school where th(· midg'>t. Gladys, was the focal point of interest for the people who IIIUSt rank accord-ing to size. Because her height was considered a handicap, there was an un-spoken rule about mentioning size around Gladys, but of course, there was no need to say anything. Gladys knew her place: front row center in class photographs. I gladly moved to the left or to the right of her, as far as I could without leaving the picture completely.

Looks Many photographs were taken of me as a bahy by Illy 1II0ther to sellli to

my father, who was stationed overseas during the first two years of Illy life_ \Vith the arlllY in Panama when I was born, he later traveled often 011 tours

(IBTIZ (:( WEll· 'I'll E STOll)" OF nODY 43!)

of duty with the navy. I was a healthy, pretty haby. Becently, I read that people are dra\\'1 to big-eyed round-faced creatures, like puppies. kittens, and certain other mammals and marsupials, koalas, for example, and, of course. infants. I \\',LS all sinc(> my head and body, even as I grew older, remained thill alld small-bOlll'd. As a yOlmg cllild I got a lot of attention from my relati\'es ami many other people we met in our barrio. My mother's beauty ha\'e had something to do with how much attention we got from strangers ill stores alld 011 the street. I call imagine it. In the pictures I have seen of us together, she is a stunning young woman by Latino staJldards: long, curly black hair, and round curves in a compact fralill'. Fronl her I J('anll'd IIl)w to nlove, smile, allli talk like an attractivc woman. I remember going into a bodegak for our groceries and being given candy by the proprietor as a reward for being bonita, pretty.

I can see in the photof!;raphs, aJld I also rl'IIlI'mhcr, that I was dressed in the pretty clothes, the stiff, frilly dresses. with layers of crinolines under-neath. the patent leather shoes. and, on special occasions, the skull-IIlIggiJlg little hats allll the white gloves that were popular ill the late fifties ami early sb:ties, t\ly mother was proud of my looks, although I was a bit too thin. She could dress me up like a doll and take me by the hand to visit rela-ti\"('s. or f!;o to the Spanish lIlass at the Catholic church and show me off. Ho\\' was I to know that she and the others who called me "pretty" were representath-es of an aesthetic that would not apply when I went out into the mainstream world of school?

In my Paterson. New Jersey, publiC schools there were still quite a few 15 white children, although the demographics of the city were changing rapidly. The original waves of Italian and Irish immigrants, silk-mill work-ers. and laborers in the cloth industries had been "assimilated." Their chil-dren were now the middle-class parents of my peers, Many of them moved their children to the Catholic schools that proliferated enough to have leagues of basketball teams, The names I recall hearing still ring in my ears: Don Boseo High versus St. Mary's High, St. Joseph's versus St. John'S. Later I too would be transferred to the safer environment pf a Catholic school. But 1started school at Public School Number 11. I came there from Put'rto Rico. thinking a pretty girl, and found that the hierarchy for popularity was as follows: pretty white girl, pretty Jewish girl, pretty Puerto Rican girl, pretty black girl. Drop the last two categories; teachers were too

to ha\'e lIIore than one favorite per.class, and it was simply understood that if there \\'as a big part in the school play, or any competition where the main Iju,llification was "presentability" (such as escorting n school visitor to or from the principal's office), tilt' classroom's public address speaker would be requesting the pretty and/or nice-looking white bo)( or girl. By the time I was in the sixth grade, I was sometimes called by the principal to represent

c1,Lss becaus(> I dressed m>atly (I knew this frolll a progress report sent to

"/hJflrgo:

'1:10 TilliE WOMI':N ANIlIII':,.\1.

Illy mother, which 1 trallslated fill' her) alld heeallse all the "pres('lItabl(;' while girls had lIIoved to the Catholic schools (I later surlllis(·d Illis part!. But 1 was still not OIlC of the popular with Ihe hoys. I n'lIIelllher llIH'

incident where 1 stepp('d Ollt illto the playgroulld ill hag,!..,'y shOlis ali(I OIl<' I'uerlo Wcall bov said 10 Ihe olll<'r: "\\'hal do HlIllllillk;>" 'I'll<' ollll'r one answered: "Her is a K, hut look at 1I1l' toothpick legs:' Th(, IIl'xl best thing 10 a cOlllplilllellt I got was whell Illy 1;I\urile lIIale teacher. while klllllillg 0111 the e1ilss picturcs, COIlIIII('lIled Ihat with IOllg IIl'ck alld dl·li-cate features'l resemhlt·d the 1II0vi(· star Audrey H(·phum. Bllt the Puerto

boys had !eanwII to respolld to a I"III1I'r figlln': IOllg IIl'cb and a ()('r-ll'ct litlle IIIISI' were 1101 wllal tlH'v look!·d liH' ill a girl. That is whl'lI I 11,·-cided I was a "brain." I did not settle illto the role e,;silv. I was lIearh- de\"ls-tated by what the chicken pox episode had d01l1' to ;lIY But I looked into the Illirror I('ss oftell after I W,lS told that I wOllld alwavs han' scars on my face, and I hid bdlilld Illy 10llg black hair and Illy books.'

After the problems at the publiC school to the point where ew'n 1I0nconfrontational little 111(' got Iwatl'lI lip several tilllPs. parellts ('11-rolled lIIe at St. Joseph's High School. I W,lS th('11 a millority or olle alllOllg the Italiall and Irish kids. But I roulld several good rriends there-other girls who took their studies seriously. \Ve did our hOlllework togt'lh('r aud talked about the Jackies. The Jackies were two popular girls. 01)(' blonde aud the other red-haired, who had womeu's bodies. Their CIIrvt's showed en'n iu the blue jumper unirorllls with straps that wc all wore. The blonde Jackie would often let one of the straps fall 01'1' her shoulder, aud although sht', like all of us, wore a white blouse undemeath, all the bovs stared at her anll. "Iv friends amI I talked about this alld practiced our straps (;111 01'1' ou'r shoulders. But it w,Lm't the same without breasts or hips.

My final two and a hall' years or high school werc spellt iu Augusta. Georgia, where Illy parputs IlIov(·d om Cunily in sl'areh or a 11101'(' pl'an'flll environment. There we beeame part or a fittl(· or our cOllnected relatives and friellds. Sehool was vl'l another lIIatter. I was ('11-

rolled in a huge school or lIearly two thousa;ld stndl'lIts that had jllst thaI year been lilrecd to There were two black girls ali(I tlll'n' was IIII'. I did extremely well academically. As to Illy social life, it \\'as, (Ill' the 1II0st part, uneventful-yet it is ill my memory by olle ineident. III my junior year, I becallle wildly illfatuated witll a prdty white hoy, I'll call him Ted. Oh, he was pretty: yellow hair that rell over his forelJ('ad, a slllile to die for-and he was a j:';reat dancer. I watched him at Teen TO\\11, the youth center at the base where all the militmy brats gathered on Saturday nights. My father had retired frolll the navy, alld we had all our base one other reason we 1II0ved to Augusta. Ted looked like an angel to IIII', I worked on him for a year bell)re he asked lIIe out. This lIIeant lIIaneuH'l;lIg to be within the periphery of his vision at ('vcry possible occasion. I took thl' long way to Illy classes in school just to pass by his lockt'r, I wellt to foot hall games, which I detested, and I danced (I too was a good dancer) in rront of

(111'J'l'fUlFl·:I\· 441

IJillt at Teell TO\\'n -this took SOln(' jllOtwork, sillce it involved subtly IIIlJ\'ing partuer toward til(' right spot on the dallce floor. \Vhen Ted fi-

approached III<'. "A 1\lillioll to aliI''' was on the jnkebox, amI \vhell he took 111(' into Ids anns, tIll' odds sllddenly tUnled in Illy favor. III'

Ille to go to a Sclll II ,l dam'(' till' I"ollowillg Satllrday. I said yes, bn'ath- 1 said hilt 1111'[(· w(·n· ohstacles to sunllollnt at hOllle. My father

did not allow lIIe to date' casually. I was allowed to to major events lile a prolll or a COIlC('li witll a who Ilad hel'lI proP(·r1y screened. There was slldl a in a lll'ighhor who wanted to he a Baptist missionary and was pradicill).! his anthropological skills on Illy ClIllily. If I was desperate to go SOIlI('\\·hl'rl' alld 1I(·pdl·d a dat(" I'd I'('sort to Cary. This is till' type or reli-giolls nut that Gary was: wllt'n the sehool hilS did not show up one day, he put his hands O\'er his faee and prayt'(1 to Christ to get us a way to get to school. \\'ithill ten minutes a lIIotlll'r ill a station wagon, on her way to town, stopped to ask why we \\T'rell't ill school. Cary informed her that the Lord had sent her just in time to find us a way to get there in time for roll call. III' assuln('d that I was illlprl'Ssl·(1. Gary was evell good-looking in a hland sort or but lIe kisst,d me with his lips tightly pressed together. I think Cary probabl:' ended lip lIIarr:;ng a nati\'e WOlllall frolll wherever he may have gOI1(' to pl'('aeh tile Goslwl accordillg to Palll. She probably believes that all white 1111'11 to Cod for transportation and kiss with their mouths closed. Bllt it was Ted's mouth. his wholt' bealltiful self, that concerned me in those days. I \....new Illy father would say no to our datt·, hut I planned to ron away frolll home if nt'eessar:·. 1 told my 1II0ther how important this date was. I ca-jolt'd and pk'aded with her rrom SIIJlday to Wednesday. She listened to my

and IIII1St ha\"e heanl the 1I0te of desperation in my voice. She said \"f'r:' to 1111": "You beller be ready for disappOintment." I did not

"'hat she lIIeant. I did lIot want Iwr fears 11)[ lIIe to taint my happiness. I ask!,d I)('r to tell l;ltlll'r aholll date. Tllllrsday at breakfast my father looked at lIIe ae-ross the tahle ,,;tll his ey(,brows My mother looked at hilll \\;th ht'r 1I10llth set ill a straight line. I looked down at my bowl of e-l'rl'a!. Nohod:' said Friday I tril'd on every dress in my doset. TNI wOllld Iw pie-king IlIt' up at six 011 Saturday: dinner and then the sock hop at se-hoo!. FIi(la:' night I was in Illy rOOll1 doing Illy nails or some-

else ill preparation for (I know I groollled myself nonstop all \\"l'('k', wh(,11 the t(·]epholle rallg, I ran to get it. It was Ted. His vQicc soundt'd whell ht' said Illy nanH',:;o funlly that I felt compelled to ask: "Is sOlllt'thillg wrollg?" Ted blurted it all out withollt a preamble. His father had asked \\'ho he was going Ollt \\;th. Ted had told him my name. "Ortiz? That's Spanish. isn't it?" tIl(' father ha(1 asked. Ted had told him yes, then sho\\11 hilll picture in the yearbook. Ted's fath('r, had shaken his head. ':\ (J. Ted ,,"olIld not be taking lIIe alit. Ted's fathN hau known Puerto Ricans in tht· He had !iwd in New York City while studying architecture and had S('ell how tht' spies Iin·d. Like rats. Ted repeated his father's words to lIIe ,lS if I should lllltlt·rstand his predicamellt whcn 1 heard why he WitS

442 TIIUE AND ilEAl.

breakillg l;ur date. I d01l'1 n'lIll'llIber wllal I said bel"ore hallgillg "I'. I do J"l'-

call the darkness of my roo II I that sleepless uight allli the heil\'illl'SS or blanket in which I wrapped myself like a shroud. Allel I rCIIIl'mlwr par-ents' respl'ct filr Illy pain and their g('ntll'lIl'SS toward 111(' that w('ekl'nd. 1II0ther did Jlot s,ly"l wahll'd you," alld I was gratl'litlli)r her Ilndl'rslalldillg silence.

In I suddl"nly became an "exotic" WOlllall to the men who had survived the popularity wars ill high school, who w('r(' 1I0t practidng to Ill' worldly: 't\lCY had to act liberal ill their politics, ill their lifestyles, alld ill the

th('Y went Ollt with. r dakd heavily filr a while, thcn marril'd nmllg. I had discl;ver('d lhat I lI('ed('d slabilily 1'1I0r(' [kill social Iili'. I had' for sure and sOllie talellt ill writing, These were ,I eOllStant in Illy iiI,,'. My skin color, Illy size, and Illy appearance were \'ariahles-things th'lt were judged according to Illy current self-ililage, the a('stlll'tic \'ailles or till' time, the places I was in, and th<" people> Iml't. My studies, latn Illy writing. the respect of people who saw me as an indi\idual person cared about. these were the criteria for llIy sense of self-worth that I would cOllcentratl' on in my adult life,

ENGAGING TIlE TEXT 1. Ortiz Cofer writes a good deal abollt how people percei\'l'll her allll ahout

how their percl'ptions dlanged according to tillle and place. Trace thl' stages Ortiz Cofer lived through, citing examples frou) the tl'xt, ami discuss in each instance how her self-inHlge was affected by people 'irolllHI her. What main point(s) do you think Ortiz Colt'r may 11l' tr;illg to mah, \\ith the narrative?

2. Which of the difnculties Ortiz Cofer faces are related specifically to geuder (or made more serious by gender)? Do boys face comparable prohlellls?

3. In your opiniou, did Ortiz Cofe\" make the dedsious throughout her story? Is there anythiug she or her parents could have dout' to a\'oid or n'-sist the various mistreatments she descrihes?

4. What role do media play in Ortiz Cofer's story? .5, Does everyone have a story simihlr to Ortiz Cofer's, or uot? Other pPUpll'

may be overweight, wear hraces, mature velY early or \'l'r;' late, han:' big noses or unusual voices, and so on. What, if anything, sets Ortiz Cof('r's ex-perience apart from the usual "traumas" ofchildhood?

EXPLOlUNG CONNECTIONS

6, Review Aaron II. Devor's Meulbers of (p. 424). How do Ortiz Cofer's experil'nces support and/or complicate De\'or's e,\plaua-tion of gender soci,llization?

7. Compare the childhood experienees of Ortiz Cofer and Gary Soto (p. :!(iL To what extent do their relationships, coucerns, and bl'lli\vior aiJppar to Ill' innuenceu by gender? What other social forces shape their

..\I.I.E:-': • \\'IIEIIE I IS LIKE TillS 443

..... Like Orti/. COfl'r. Eric Liu (I" (60) IIIl1st [jud ways to definc his identity within lIIultiple cultUfl'S. \\'hat problems do they face, what strengths or aeh-autag('s do find \\ithin each culture, and what do they adopt to upgotiat!' th!' teusions that arise counicting cultural values?

E:\.'TE:'\DI:'\G THE CRITICAL CONTEXT

!J. In her self-analysis. Ortiz Cofer discusses thc "variables" in her physical ap-)1C'arance-the dl'termin('d values that influence her perception of Ilf'r SIll' abo n·!ll'l'!s on jl"rsonal "fads" or "constants" -morc durahl!' fl"ltures. like her \\'riliug and Iler necd for stability- tllat con-trihute to her Write a series of journal entries that tell the story of Hl1Ir 0\\11 bOlh-. \\'hat "variahll's" have inHuenced your perception of your appearance? \\'hat "fads" ahout )'ourselfhave become "l'Onstants"?

"There I Come From Is Like This P.-\ULA ALLEN

Pallia GUIIII Allell lcas born ill 1939 ill Cubero, New MeXico, a Spanish-_\[('xicoll lalld grallt t:i/logl'; tchae sIll' comes from is life as a Laguna Pucblo-Sioux-Leballese womall, III this essay she discllsses some of the (cays traditional images of tcomell i/I American Indian cultures differ from i/llo!:-('s ill maillStr('am AIII('ricon culture. Allen is Widely recognized for her books of poetry and for ',er novel The Woman \Vho Owned the Shadows (1953). Oth{'/" u'orks, includillg Grandmothers of the Light (1991) and \\'omen in American Indian M)thology (1994), have focused on the female spilitual traditions of Native Americo. Her most r('cent work is a biography ('ntitled Pocahontas: Meoicine Woman, Spy, Entrepreneur, Diplomat I::00.'3>, This ('ssay appl'ared in her essay collection, The Sacred Hoop:Re-

the Feminine in American Indian Traditions (1986).

I American InJian women, like their non-Indian sisters, are

engag('d in tIll' struggle to redefine themselves, In their struggle mnst r('condle traditional tribal definitions of women with industrial

and postindustrial non-Indian definitions. Yet while these definitions seem