Life Skills Magazine issue 3

DON’T GIVE UP ON

LIFE!ALSO:Ben Lumley tells you to follow through with actions

PLUS: Jen Smith tells you how to use negative situations to motivate yourself

THE LIFESKILLS MAGAZINE

ISSU

E 3

AYO OLANIYANLSM EDITOR

Ayo Olaniyan is a certified Unitive Life Coach. He is also an Accredited Professional Counsellor with the Counselling Society United Kingdom. He writes on how you can discover purpose through personal development and self awareness.

ISSUE 3 CONTRIBUTORS

PUBLISHERMATT JEFFERY

[email protected]

EDITORIALAYO OLANIYAN

discoveringpurpose.co.uk

CONTRIBUTORSJENNY SMITH

EVAN HADKINSCHRISTINE LIVINGSTON

STEVE AITCHISONBEN LUMLEY

CHERYL PARISJOHN ANYASOR

PATRICIA BECHTOLD

ARTMATT JEFFERY

[email protected]

ADVERTISINGAYO OLANIYAN

discoveringpurpose.co.uk

HOW TO REACH USAyo Olaniyan

discoveringpurpose.co.uktwitter.com/discoverpurpose

facebook.com/[email protected]

Entire contents © 2010 by Life Skills Magazine unless otherwise noted on specific articles.

2 magazine April 2010


MATT JEFFERYLSM PUBLISHER & DESIGNER

Matt Jeffery is a multi qualified lead designer working on behalf of several London based clients. He works alongside Ayo Olaniyan to turn Ayo’s creative thinking into a creative magazine for you all to enjoy.

JENNY SMITHLSM CONTRIBUTOR

Jen is a Life Coach and Personal Development blogger who can be found at Reach Our Dreams. You can connect with Jen on Twitter @reachourdreams or if you liked this article then why not subscribe to her RSS Feed?

EVAN HADKINSLSM CONTRIBUTOR

A blog for passionate, eclectic, intuitive types who believe that the world is too complex to be put in a box and wouldn’t have it any other way. He has a free report (living with authenticity called It’s Not About Success) and a free newsletter on personality and relationships. He would love to hear from you.

CHRISTINE LIVINGSTON LSM CONTRIBUTOR

Christine Livingston coaches and writes for professional people, who are facing some kind of crisis or loss of meaning about work, inspiring and supporting them to use their experiences as opportunities for profound life transformation.

STEVE AITCHISON LSM CONTRIBUTOR

Steve was born and raised in Scotland, UK and stays in the west of Scotland with his wife and two sons. He works as an addiction worker, counseling clients with alcohol and drug addictions. He is also a blogger as well as the author of 100 Ways To Develop Your Mind.

BEN LUMLEYLSM CONTRIBUTOR

Ben Lumley is a Motivational Speaker and Trainer who works for no limits education inspiring young people to succeed in life.

CHERYL PARIS LSM CONTRIBUTOR

Cheryl Paris is a Blogger, Stress Coach and Internet Marketer. She started blogging to support the mainly female Social Care professionals with actionable tips and resources rather than just ideas.

JOHN ANYASOR LSM CONTRIBUTORJohn Anyasor is the creator of HiLife2B. There he gives advice on personal development, inspiration, and motivation. A second year undergrad, he seeks to one day break the cycle of entering the dreaded 9-5 to achieve the life he wants.

PATRICIA BECHTOLDLSM CONTRIBUTOR

Patricia is a Life Coach, Life Transitions Counselor, and Relationship Coach in Sacramento, CA. She works with people who are tired of the status quo, and yearning for more meaning and adventure in their lives.

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WELCOMEAn introduction to Life Skills magazine

A FEW WAYS TO CALM DOWNReduce stress, worry and anxiety

CHANGING AND ADAPTINGEvan helps with adapting to a new way of life

HOW TO USE NEGATIVE SITUATIONS TO MOTIVATE YOURSELF Our new writer Jen Smithshows you the positives

HOW TO SAVOR EVERY MOMENT OF YOUIR LIFEAnother new writer John Anyasor helps you get the most out of life

THE ART OF HAVING A DEEP AND MEANINGFUL CONVERSATIONChristine talks you through conversations

FOLLOW THROUGH WITH ACTIONSThats right another new writer Ben Lumley helps us out

A SUPER QUICK WAY TO KEEP MORE MOTIVATIONFast and easy motivation techniques

I FAILED AGAINOr did you? Ayo lets you know

ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTIONS TO CHANGE YOUR LIFESteve Aitchison has the answers

BRING ON EPIPHANIES

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DONT GIVE UP ON LIFEEnough said!!!


content Enjoy the contents of the second edition of Life Skills Magazine and discover your purpose today.

ISSUE 3 APRIL 2010

the beginning the end

ISSUE 3 IWELCOME

LIFE SKILLS MAGAZINE


LIFE SKILLS MAGAZINEWELCOME

Welcome to the third edition of The Life Skills Magazine.It is a collection of personal development and life style articles from various personal development bloggers. This magazine will cover various topics centred on promoting and increasing the level of your self awareness as well as enhancing your life skills. It creates an avenue for discovering purpose in various life activities or experiences. It also attempts to break down into simple units, nuggets for daily living and increase your level of self awareness/discovery.

It is my belief you would find this constructive.

HAPPY READING.

April 2010 magazine 5

A Few Ways

To Calm Down


FEATURE CALM DOWN

Please Note: This post focuses on being calm, which is a useful way of reducing stress, worry, anxiety and exerting reason-able control over your emotions in difficult circumstances.

There are several things that get you worked up and sometimes push you to the extreme. You feel stressed, worried, anxious, angry etc, to a point were all you want to do is LASH OUT or retreat emotionally. There is a possibility you become vulnerable due to overwhelming issues which vary from events occurring in the world today such as the economy, the state of the nation, families in disarray etc.

All hell is let loose because you feel betrayed, disrespected, cheated, angry, hurt, taken for granted….. Your blood pressure and temper goes through the roof when you feel there is no way out.

Charles J.Ingersoll says, ‘Anger blows out the lamp of the mind. In the examination of a great and important question, everyone should be serene, slow-pulsed, and calm’.

This post attempts to suggest various tips on how to calm down when trying to resolve issues and take control of challenging situ-ations. This is important because it gives you peace of mind, emotional stability, purpose, a healthy heart…….`

Cyril Connolly believes ‘The secret of success is to be in harmony with existence, to be calm always … to let each wave of life wash us a little farther up the shore’.

In no particular order, here are a few tips to help us calm down when faced with difficult scenarios.

• Take things one step at a time.

• Stop whining, nagging and do something about the situation.

• Have a clear focus or goal.

• Believe in yourself and your abilities.

• Get occupied with different things in order to shift your focus from the anxiety.

• Get enough rest always.


LIFE SKILLS CALM DOWN

• Avoid worrying too much because it causes fear, depression and insomnia.

• Spend some time reflecting on the issues before taking action.

• Be optimistic.

• Be patient.

• Sit back, relax and listen to music.

• Don’t be too hard on yourself.

• Enjoy the positive moments you’ve experienced.

• Take time out to pray and meditate.

• Go for long walks to clear your head.

• Engage in arguments carefully, reasonably and with a bit of common sense.

• Talk to friends and family about all that’s on your mind.

• Squeeze a stress ball or solve a jigsaw cube to calm your nerves.

• Genuinely apologise if you’ve upset someone.

• Go for a shower.

• Create positive scenes and images in your mind.

• In certain instances look inwards to find peace and solutions to pecu liar difficulties.

• There’s absolutely nothing wrong in having a body massage.

• Set attainable goals and break large tasks into smaller, but manageable units.

• Replace negative thoughts with positive ones.

• Avoid being too competitive.

• Form a habit of exercising.

• Get organized and manage your time properly

• Engage in relaxation exercises such as deep breathing or muscle relaxation.

• Seek professional help when necessary.

Could you come up with other useful ways of being calm.

I look forward to your comments and suggestions.


Ayos’ Profile



LIFE SKILLS CHANGING

Changing and Adapting By Evan Hadkins


LIFE SKILLS CHANGING

Humans are born with few instincts – compared to other critters. Foals within a few hours of birth can do far more to look after themselves than we could. This means that we learn almost everything. We learn such basic things as how to walk. Humans are in some sense the learning species.

This is a very great strength. As one species we have learned to survive in most climates on the globe for instance. And we can move quite easily between different social groups.

As we grow to adulthood we acquire an astonishing array of skills. Not only the various sorts of knowledge from schooling, but also how to relate to other people and the manipulating of objects in our world (knives, forks, dvds etc). It has been said that in an hour a day for five years you can become an expert on anything. This presumes some basic knowledge and interest but probably isn’t too far from the mark. This equates to about 6 months full-time: with a clear idea of what is to be learned and either a good teacher or a good system.

People have come up with an amazing array of things to help them live well in different environments – a vast array of clothing, housing and cuisines. The variety is extraordinary and a remarkable tribute to our species ingenuity.

I hope this makes clear that I find our ability to learn and adapt important and indispensable and irreplaceable. Because I want to point out a downside.Perhaps the most confronting quote I know on this is attributed to Nietzsche: if we know the why, we can bear almost any


how. I find this a remarkable tribute to the human spirit and rather scary. It not only speaks of our ability to achieve remarkable good but to also do awful things in the pursuit of what we believe right. Nietzsche’s remark encompasses people being able to put up with war as well as being able to construct the beauty of a cathedral.

We find that we can adapt to most situa-tions fairly readily. And this includes some quite nasty situations.

So I want to point out that sometimes we need to not adapt but seek to change the situation. This can include a positive use of anger or aggression. It means having a sense of what we find unacceptable. Hopefully with this will come an understanding of why it is unacceptable to us: what it is that we feel is being violated (this is especially important when we are communicating with others about it). And then we can move on to find ways of bringing change.

Most of our institutions reward compli-ance. Those who follow the rules do well (there are even government programs to encourage innovation now! “Just tell us what the outcome will be in advance and we will reward your creativity.” But this destroys the unpredictable nature of cre-ativity.) This starts with schooling and is usually taken for granted. And I think that most of the time this is very helpful. Imag-ine someone deciding to drive ‘creatively’ on a busy road.

But there are other times when com-pliance may not be appropriate. Es-pecially in the habits we can get into in our relationships, we may end up in ruts that

need to be challenged. And if everyone resigned who suffered from the attentions of a bully at work, workplaces may change for the better fairly rapidly. (I don’t mean that a bureaucratic process is the only or best way to handle this.)

So this is my challenge to you:Is there some aspect of a relationship that you are unhappy with? If, so far, you have put up with, ask yourself if it would be bet-ter for it to change.

Perhaps you have made major changes in a relationship already. If so I’d love to hear about this in the comments. I’d especially like to hear about how you made these changes.

Evan Hadkins Profile Evan’s blog is www.wellbeingandhealth.net A blog for passionate, eclectic, intuitive types who believe that the world is too complex to be put in a box and wouldn’t have it any other way. He has a free report (on living with authentic-ity called It’s Not About Success) and a free newsletter on personality and relationships. He would love to hear from you.


LIFE SKILLS MOTIVATE YOURSELF

How to use

negative

situations

to motivate

youRself

By Jen Smith


LIFE SKILLS MOTIVATE YOURSELF

Negative situations can be motivating in that the desire to move away from them can spur you on to achieve what you desire.

This happened to me in the past with a job. For various reasons I wasn’t happy in the job I was in at the time. I had tried to deal with the problems with the job head on, I tried to look at things differently and I tried to be more positive. Nothing was working. I tried everything I could think of but I still felt very angry and upset. I realised one day that I didn’t want to let go of my negative feelings as they were keeping me motivated to look for another job and spurring me on. Funnily enough once I realised what I was doing the better I felt. I stopped trying to change how I felt and accepted it. I then concentrated on channelling all the negativity and dissatisfaction I felt into job searches, rewriting my CV and applying for jobs and generally getting clearer about what I did want. It worked! A few months later I had a job in the exact company I wanted a job in and I moved on to pastures new.

OUR FEELINGS ARE FEEDBACK

I felt worried about holding onto negative feelings. It didn’t seem healthy. However I realised that I had been trying to make myself feel better about my situation for months. Sometimes calling a spade a spade is healthier. We have our feelings for a reason. Our feelings are feedback.

YOU CAN CHOOSE YOUR FEELINGS

When we have feelings that are negative or uncomfortable human instinct is to try and move away from them as quickly as possible and this is what I was trying to do. Once I realised that I had been subconsciously holding onto my negative feelings to keep

me motivated, I had power over the situation. I realised I could choose how to feel. I realised that some of the negative feelings were helping me. They were keeping me very motivated and fired up to achieve my goal of getting a new job. I therefore chose to hold onto some of the feelings of dissatisfaction to keep me focussed and the fire in my belly! I also realised I didn’t have to feel like that all the time. I could switch these feelings on and off as needed. I am not saying it was always as simple as that but these things take practice! In the main however, this approach helped me feel much more in control of my situation.

USE YOUR DISSATISFACTION

Many great things have been achieved with this approach. It is nice to think we are motivated by inspiration and positive influences, but negativity can be just as valid a motivator. Nelson Mandela and Gandhi are examples of people who have used their dissatisfaction with the status quo to bring about great change in the world. By channelling our feelings about a situation, we can inject it with a huge dose of energy. You could even create a visual reminder about why you are doing what you are doing. Like I did, remind yourself of what you are unhappy with regularly to spur you on to your goal(s).

Feelings are not necessarily ‘positive’ or ‘negative’. They are what they are. Listen to what they are telling you and don’t be afraid to be dissatisfied. Your feelings are feedback. If used effectively they can lead you to achieving what you want to achieve.


Jen’s Profile

Jen is a Life Coach and Personal Development blogger who can be found at Reach Our Dreams. You can connect with Jen on Twitter @reachourdreams or if you liked this article then why not subscribe to her RSS Feed?


LIFE SKILLS SAVOR LIFE

How to Savor Every Moment of Your Life By John Anyasor


LIFE SKILLS SAVOR LIFE

Speed, efficiency, and mobility: no doubt these words have had significant impact on all of our lives. I mean, it’s amazing the things we have created. Social mediums (such as Facebook and Twitter) have allowed us to connect with people faster than ever before. We no longer have to stumble our way across town in order to reach our destination: our handy, dandy, GPS will make sure we’re never lost.

But as with everything else in life, this newly acquired speed and efficiency comes at a cost. With better modes of transportation available, if you don’t have a pet, you are free to stick with taking the bus or driving a car. No more scenic, long walks to work for you. And now that we can easily connect with people online, getting to know others off the web is a habit becoming less and less common.

There are times when fast fun, and quick enjoyment can be favorable, but to get the utmost pleasure from life, it’s better to seek a slower, more relaxed sense of gratification. When I’m in a state of relaxed enjoyment, I feel like every second, every minute, and every hour of the day was spent to the best of it’s ability. It’s the same as when you read a quote that just resonates with you on every level.

So, how does one reach this state of mitigated euphoria in such a way that every moment in life can be savored to the fullest? Easy. Just keep in mind these tips and you’ll be well on your way to enlightenment:

1. STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES (LITERALLY)

We all know the saying: “Take time to stop and smell the roses.” I know that much. But let me ask you something. Have you

ever literally tried to smell the flowers on your way to work? Or tried take a whiff of any of the vegetation that surrounds us everyday? If not, you’re missing out on an excellent experience. Our world is much more than the cold steel of the city and green paper everyone seems to want more of. First and foremost, our planet is nature. It is life that makes the world go round, so why not do you and it a favor, and appreciate it a bit more?

2. LIVE IN THE PRESENT, NOT THE PAST

To get the most out of life, you’ve got to keep the matters of the present constantly in mind. The errors, blunders, and failures of the past should only be referred to to supplement the actions happening right now. To sacrifice moments in your life now for those that are dead and gone is a wasteful endeavor.

3. LISTEN TO AN ENTIRE ALBUM IN ONE SITTING

In our age of techno-gadgetry, it’s easy for us to just listen to 3-minute songs on several occasions throughout the day. While this is convenient in many cases, you unfortunately miss out listening to the complete message of the composer. Gone are the days where people would sit for hours listening to masterpieces. Nowadays, 99 cent compositions are all the rage. Well, it’s time to bring the good old days back. Try listening to one entire album in one sitting and try internalizing the musician’s message: this is something a 3-minute snippet will not teach you.

EAT YOUR FOOD SLOOOOOWLY

To all you fast eaters out there: if you finish your meal MUCH earlier than everyone else or you’re busy shoveling food into


John’s Profile

John Anyasor is the creator of HiLife2B. There he gives advice on personal development, inspiration, and motivation. A second year undergrad, he seeks to one day break the cycle of entering the dreaded 9-5 to achieve the life he wants. Follow him on Twitter and become a fan on Facebook.

Twitter: http://twitter.com/CJAnyasorWebsite: http://hilife2b.com/blogFacebook: http://facebook.com/hilife2b

your mouth MUCH quicker than everyone else, you’re eating too fast. I understand that whether or not you eat fast or slow, your body will still receive the benefit from your food consumption anyway. But when you’re looking to savor every moment, taking slow chomps instead of fast ones are where it’s at. Actually TASTE the food: feel it’s texture, differentiate the components, and savor the flavor. I mean, you’re getting the nutrients anyway; why not enjoy it?

5. DON’T LET GOOD WEATHER GO TO WASTE

It’s pretty rare, at least here in Chicago, to get a really nice day in terms of weather. However, when that comes along, I don’t hesitate to capture it before the chance escapes me. When a perfect combination of just the right sun, just the right temperature, and just the right cloud coverage strikes you on the just the right day, don’t forget to get your swim trunks and your sunscreen to head on down to the beach!

6. LIVE WITHOUT REGRET

The culmination of all of these tips lies in the

monumental advice of living well and without regret. All the negative emotions (depression, guilt, regret) over something you should’ve done or shouldn’t have done will impede your ability to truly enjoy life. By getting rid of these types of emotions, you’ll reach your highest savoring potential. No longer should you feel guilty for spending a few hours listening to an entire album, eating your food too slowly, or even stopping to smell the roses for a bit. Instead, you’ll just feel awesome.

Live life to the fullest. Savor every moment.

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FEATURE

Don’t Give Up On Life By Ayo Olaniyan

DONT GIVE UP


LIFE SKILLS DONT GIVE UP

It’s been a very hectic week maintaining a bal-ance with my family, work, the blog, studies…….. but it was worth every moment.

This post was inspired by yesterday’s news ‘Young people self-harming with sharp objects up 50%’. It was broadcast on BBC News Beat, Sky News, the BBC website and because it kept coming up at intervals, it gave me food for thought.

This post focuses on practical tips in dealing with the obstacles of life and I sincerely hope it would provide alternatives to your thoughts on giving up on life, self harm, discouragement……..

The report lists a few reasons for self harm such as:

• Family difficulties • Feeling desperate about a problem and don’t know where to turn for help • Bottling up all sorts of emotional tension till you feel like exploding. • Experiencing guilt or shame that becomes unbearable. • Going through various forms of abuse or trauma. • Your body image • Going through stress at work • Facing school pressures.

(Culled From The BBC)

The Free Dictionary defines the phrase ‘Give Up’ as the loss of hope, admitting defeat and the act of surrendering with no will to fight again.

Albert Einstein states ‘It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.’

Life is filled with so many challenges. You’ve got to do your best to gain control of your emotions and stay on top of each situation despite its difficulty.

Once again, DON’T GIVE UP ON LIFE.

WHY????

My Response: Life issues are common problems or crisis that happens to everyone living normal lives. You can turn it around constructively or the difficulties face, could be useful catalysts for success and finally there is happiness, fulfilment, satisfaction gained as result of facing the struggles of life.

The aim of this post is to encourage you NOT TO GIVE UP ON LIFE and suggest useful ways of dealing with the events of life.

When the world says, “Give up,”Hope whispers, “Try it one more time.” Author Unknown

Take some time to consider the following:

WHAT’S ON YOUR MIND

You need to identify the negative events that constantly weigh you down and wear you out. Figure out all the things in your life that promote stress. It could be unsupportive relationships, failures, work stress, physical or mental abuse….

For a start, you could answer these questions:

• What’s on your mind? • Is it worth your time and energy? • Are you able to trace when it started becoming an issue? • Have you been affected physically, mentally, spiritually, financially, emotionally…….?

Once you have an idea of what these obstacles are, it’s time to take steps in the right direction to minimize their impact.

CONDITION YOUR THOUGHTS

Often times, you can’t face challenges because you are so engrossed in negative thoughts. Approaching the struggles of life with so much pessimism isn’t very healthy. There’s a likelihood of making wrong choices and incorrect judgments.

In the real world, it’s normal to feel hurt,


FEATURE

wounded, betrayed and exhausted, but it’s noexcuse to give up on life.

Give room for healing to take place, be moderately optimistic and try as much as you can to get a grip on your thoughts.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

In the words of Michael Jackson, ‘You are not alone…..

There have been a few people who have experienced similar issues and could be a source of help to you. There are books, blogs, communities, clubs, and support groups etc that solely cater for specific issues that bring about unrest.

You could browse various personal development sites online or check the yellow pages for various support groups that could be of assistance.

BE SECURED IN WHO YOU ARE

Insecurity has no place in the game of life. Learn to love and appreciate who you are constructively.

Underestimating your capabilities will make you a pitiful insecure individual and push you closer to the realms of GIVING UP ON LIFE.

Accept who you are, what you have, be confident in yourself, so you could move on with the knowledge of being a unique/distinguished individual.

DEVELOP YOUR SELF-EFFICACY

Self efficacy simply believes you are able to perform in a certain manner in order to attain specific goals and make life meaningful.

It is developed over time by responding positively to challenges with actions, motivation and persistence.

Researchers suggest self-efficacy can be increased by setting realistic goals, having

mentors, living a life of purpose and through positive affirmation.

FACE YOUR CHALLENGES.

In order to rise above the feeling of giving up on life, you need to face your challenges, stay strong. Understand you can’t change the past, because it’s happened, but you can shape your future by dealing with the current challenges of life positively.

Your perspective of the future can change once you embrace the knowledge of standing up to life’s challenges.

You can face those challenges by:

• Doing something positive. • Taking a step in the right direction. • Making very tough decisions eg.reducing your alcohol limits, losing contact with a few friends, breaking free from certain relationships. • Becoming proactive. • Going back to areas where you have experienced failure and TRY AGAIN.

DISCUSS YOUR FEARS

Don’t be scared of sharing your feelings/anxieties with trusted friends, family or professionals.

Sharing problems with people you trust is ther-apeutic and will release the bottled up emo-tions giving you a clear head, peace of mind and move you towards a life of happiness.

FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF

Celebrate your achievements and enjoy every wonderful experience you’ve had. According to research people feeling depressed fail to pay attention to their success, achievements or strengths.

Feel good about who you are (positively), where you are now and display confidence about what to look forward to in the future.Slow down on excessive self criticism because

DONT GIVE UP


LIFE SKILLS DONT GIVE UP

Ayos’ Profile


over time, constant negative feelings result in negative affirmations.

One more thing: Spoil yourself occasionally, it doesn’t hurt at all.

COMMUNICATE YOUR FEELINGS PROPERLY

This is very important because it promotes understanding and puts the message you are trying to pass across in the right context. Ensure you express yourself in an appropriate manner and where there is a tendency to act irrational; exercise a bit of self discipline, pull yourself together (it may be difficult considering the circumstances involved; but it is important).

DEVELOP RESILIENCE

Resilience is the ability to spring back from and successfully adjust to the complex issues of life. It is the ability to develop strength in the midst of your frustrations.

Developing resilience when faced with the thoughts of giving up on life is essential because:

• You develop positive moods suitable for your health. • You can handle and cope with different forms of stress and difficulties • You build optimism • You make a certain amount of progress

LEARN FROM YOUR EXPERIENCE

Form the habit of managing your failures carefully. It is a phase everyone must go through. You can see it as a golden opportunity to rewrite the scripts of success.

Think a little bit about the painful/difficult events of the past; how you can prevent some from occurring again and how you can improve on various actions you’ve taken which eventually led to positive outcomes.In carrying out this exercise, avoid being too

critical of yourself, but rather reflect on all that you’ve learnt.

BUILD POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS

Building positive relationships with a network of trusted friends could provide huge benefits such as enhancing your level of reasoning, expanding your horizon, having a shoulder to lean on……

In the context of friendship, if you’ve developed trust with certain individuals and isn’t scared to discuss private matters with a fear of being judged or getting disappointed, go ahead.

There are several approaches to resolving different issues and you can learn from the experience of others. Getting sound counsel could reduce stress levels and bring about happiness.

Positive relationships also create some sort of accountability to people who won’t be afraid to speak up when you are going down a danger-ous route or snatch you when you are heading for disaster.

Finally;

GET PROFESSIONAL HELP

You can’t undermine the importance of counselling or any form of talking therapies. If you sense the need for professional advice, do not hesitate to call or visit your local GP, a professional counsellor or psychotherapist.

This is straight from my heart ‘DON’T GIVE UP ON LIFE.’ I look forward to your comments and suggestions.


The Art Of Having a Deep And Meaningful Conversation By Christine Livingston

LIFE SKILLS ART OF CONVERSATION


The Art Of Having a Deep And Meaningful Conversation By Christine Livingston



Most of the time we can get by in life having chatty conversations about the weather, the football results, or what we watched on TV last night. But sometimes we get ambushed into discussions of a different kind entirely.

Consider this scenario:

You’ve promised your partner to be home by six o’clock each evening this week. It’s now after seven on Friday and you have just called him from the train to say you’re on your way. You can feel the coolness in his voice on the phone. But it’s his closing words that let you know there’s a storm ahead.

“WE NEED TO TALK!”

You’d thought you’d get away with it. You know in your heart of hearts that there’s an issue, and your intention really was to be home earlier, but you have a nightmare boss that keeps dropping last minute deadlines on you, expecting you to sit at your desk till God knows when. You’d hoped that your other half would understand and get on with it without it having to be talked about. But, no, he’s had to make an issue of it. He’s had to put his demands on you too.

And now your mind is whirring about the possible discussion ahead and the inevitable tears and tantrums.

But tricky conversations don’t have to lead to insult and injury. No matter whether it’s with your other half, a friend, a colleague, your boss or even someone who works for you, there are some life skills you can learn that will lead not only to a smoother discussion, but also to a deepening of your relationship with the other person. Even to an opportunity for your personal growth.

Using the story we’ve just looked at as an example, here’s how:

PUT ASIDE YOUR NEED TO DEFEND OR ATTACK

You stand no chance of a favourable outcome if you’re intent on holding onto your position. If someone has had the courage to raise something contentious with you, that’s a good indication that something about you or your behaviour has upset them. So the focus needs to move from you and any need you have to be right, to what the other person has to say, and to how they’re feeling about it.

So, in this instance, you need to walk as calmly as possible into the house and prepare yourself to hear what’s being said.

LISTEN

Emotions can run high in deep conversations. The temptation is to want to put your side across as soon as you can.

“I get enough grief all day long from my boss,” you want to say. “The last thing I need is to come home and get it from you too. Why can’t you just ease off and see my side for a change?”

You may also want to shout, cry, or storm off. Especially if there are doors to be slammed in the process.

Don’t.

These are forms of what’s called “acting out”. They keep you locked into an old pattern of behaviour and locked out of being with what’s happening in the present. Try instead to keep connection with your partner. Commit to yourself that you’ll stick with the discussion. Let him have his say. Don’t interrupt him when he talks.

And remember that listening to what’s being said exists on a couple of levels. There are the words themselves, and then there’s paying attention to what’s happening


non-verbally. The tone of his voice; the look on his face; his body posture: these are all clues.

REFLECT BACK WHAT YOU HEAR

One of the best things you can do to keep the conversation on a calm emotional keel is to put into your words what you think the other per-son is saying, and say it back to them.

“It’s not fair,” he says. “You keep on promising me that you’ll be home at six and you never are. That means it’s always me who has to make din-ner, do all the chores and tidy up around here. I’ve got a job too, you know. We’ve spoken about this time and time again. You keep saying it’ll be different. It never is. You treat me like shit and you just don’t care.”

“You’re fed up with me promising to be home by 6pm and never making it,” you say.

That’s reflecting back. It allows you check that you’ve understood, and him to experience that you are listening.

VALIDATE

To build on that, another thing you can do is to affirm what he is feeling about what he is saying to you.

“Yes,” he says in response to your reflection. “I’m exhausted. I’m just as stressed out as you are. When I come home and there’s no sign of you, I think you’re just taking the piss.”

Because you’re really paying attention, you hear the resentment in his voice. You see the anger in his eyes. Now, at this point you may well be feeling attacked because there’s a fair amount of aggression coming in your direction. The thing is that you need to hold this at arm’s length for now. You will get your opportunity to say how this is for you in just a little while. For now, keep the attention with him.

“You feel that I’m letting you down when I keep doing this,” you say.

“Yes,” he says. “That’s it.”



Or, “No, it’s not about you letting me down. It’s about you letting us down.”

You don’t need to have named the emotion spot-on. Being correct is less important than putting out something of what you’re picking up and allowing the other person to see where it resonates with them. This is how you start to really build an empathic connection with him.

ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR OWN PART

What’s honestly going on for you in terms of all of this? Now that you’ve got rapport with him, it’s time for you to put across your side.

“I can understand why you feel as you do. And I don’t mean to let you or us down,” you say. “It’s just that John expects me to have the same workaholic attitude to work as he does and, if I don’t, he freezes me out with his moods. I’m sorry if it affects you so badly.”

ASK THE OTHER PERSON WHAT THEY NEED OF YOU

Demonstrate your readiness to change your behaviour.

“What do I need to do for you to feel dif-ferently?” you say. This allows him to state clearly what he’s really asking for.

“I need you to come home at night when you say you’re going to.”

CONSIDER WHETHER YOU CAN MEET THEIR NEED AND MAKE A COMMITMENT

If you can commit to something, and that’s okay for you, fine. If you cannot commit, it’s best you don’t, but that you reason with your partner to get to something that is workable.

“I will try to be home by six when I can,” you venture. “But there might be some

nights I don’t feel able to walk away. What would help you in those situations?”

“Can you at least phone me to let me know what’s happening?” he says.

“I can do that,” you say. And you make a mental note that, from now on, instead of assuming you partner will quietly under-stand, you need to tell him what’s going on. Even when it’s uncomfortable for you to do so.

ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED OF THEM

That might appear to be it. Immediate crisis over. But what about you? How do you get what you need out of the discussion? This is your chance to put it out there.

“What would really be good for me,” you say, “ is for you to help me think about how I can handle John better. I need your support, not your criticism.”

He asks you what you mean by that.

“Well, listen to the tone of voice you’re us-ing with me. It feels attacking. That makes can make me feel defensive, and I wonder whether you’re really on my side or not.”

He then has the opportunity to make a reciprocal commitment to you about how he’ll talk to you about this kind of issue go-ing forward. And, because you’ve given him the experience of listening and meeting his need, he is more likely to be able to hear you and to honour his side of the bargain.. You end up with an ally in your struggle with your boss as opposed to another stressor.

And you can enjoy the rest of your evening, knowing that you’re both in this together!


Christine’s Profile

Christine Livingston coaches and writes for professional people, who are facing some kind of crisis or loss of meaning about work, inspiring and supporting them to use their experiences as opportunities for profound life transformation. She’s a Chartered Fellow of the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development; a registered member of the United Kingdom Council of Psychotherapy; and holds a Certificate in Coaching. She blogs at www.adifferentkindofwork.com.


LIFE SKILLS FoOLLOW THROUGH

6Aliens is a blog about inspiration, motivation and success. Ben Lumley is a Motivational Speaker and Trainer who works for no limits education inspiring young people to succeed in life.

It’s often easy to have the right intentions. We can say we’re going to lose weight, exercise more, spend more time with our families or spend less time worrying about work but it can be hard at times to follow those words with actions. Once we’ve made the statement, we can often find ourselves unsure about how to proceed. Many people will argue that we don’t follow our words with the right actions because we are undisciplined. That’s a fair point, but I’m starting to believe that there is another way of looking at this.

I don’t think discipline is actually ever the issue. You want to find the way that makes perfect sense and lets your natural passion for what you’re doing come out. That’s not about discipline, that’s about finding that way that you’re completely sure about.

When we’re completely sure about how to move forward it becomes easy to follow up those words with awesome actions.

But this doesn’t just apply to the life goals you want to achieve.

How often do you make the following or similar statements?

• I’m going to be more positive

• I need to take responsibility for my actions

• I need to stand up for myself

• I’m not going to accept the status quo anymore

• I need to step out of my comfort zone

• I’m going to let me people in and see the real me

Now there may be other statements that are now popping into your head that are along these lines and they may even be ones you say on a regular basis. Do you follow those statements up with actions every time without fail? Do you take re-sponsibility for what you say you’re going to do and actually do it?

As I’ve already said: as creatures of comfort we find it easy to throw out a comment that “I need to do this” or “I’m going to do that” but what separates successful people from the rest is that they follow through with actions. They take responsibility for everything they do in life and make sure they follow it through. Successful people started following up their words with actions long before they become success-ful, it was one of the reasons they ultimate-ly became successful.

If you become the successful person you want to be you need to start putting actions in place to back up the statements you make. Go on, do it today and you’ll instantly see a shift in your world.

Follow Through With ACTIONS By Ben Lumley


Ben’s Profile

Ben Lumley is a Motivational Speaker and Trainer who works for no limits education inspiring young people to succeed in life.


LIFE SKILLS MOTIVATION

Do you know that negative thoughts can have a huge impact on what you do and don’t do? You already know that to succeed, you first need to believe that you can be successful, don’t you?

One of the ways to do this is to say to yourself over and over again statements, or Affirmations, to change your underlying thought patterns.

This just has to be the No. 1 way; so if you forget everything else here, that’s ok. But this is so cool that it deserves double underlining – Affirmations.

For the science bit!

Essentially, you become your own mental cheerleader because Affirmations eventually become a part of your subconscious and will become a natural part of your habits and outlook on life.

My friend, John said to me, “Yeah but I tried it and it doesn’t work”.

I said, “Remember, it is important to remain persistent and consistent in saying these statements; learning happens over time so you will see significant success if you stick with it”.

Why do Affirmations work?

They work because they affect the unconscious part of your mind. Your uncon-scious is unaffected by conscious thought or actions unless it is over a period of time. Your neural cells create thought patterns based on what you experience throughout your life. To change these neural cell patterns, you need to work the messages you want into your subconscious. Repeating certain affirmations over and over again will help you to do this. Like Yodi said, “You must unlearn what you have

Here’s a Super Quick Way to Keep More Motivation By Cheryl Paris


learnt” for Affirmations to work for you.

Here are some statements to help you change your negative thought patterns for positive ones:

1. I will think positively and will use my positive thoughts to achieve more.

2. I use my every talent and ounce of effort to live fully every day.

3. I’m committed to achieving my goal, no matter what it is. 4. I am able to focus and capable of doing what I have to do. 5. I can find new ways to motivate myself. 6. I will always get back up on the horse, no matter how many times I fall down. 7. I will follow through with my com mitments despite any obstacle. 8. I recognize the joy in owning my own decisions and being accountable for my own choices. 9. I have a purpose-filled life and have many exciting things to experience. 10. I will succeed at the smaller things so that I can be successful with the larger things. 11. Oh! My personal favorite so I will get back to that one later.

So, how should you use Affirmation statements?

Well, you need to say them over and over again, almost like a Buddhist chant. You need to allow yourself to concentrate on what you are saying away from unnecessary noise and distractions. In fact, it is easy to do this early in the morning or right before going to sleep at night. The most important approach to take when using these Affirmations is to be present in the moment and undistracted by other things.

Ssh! I often stand in the mirror and keep going until I’m getting so into it that I would get an A* mark from the audience. I’m not going to say to you “Don’t cheat yourself” because that’s your choice right?

If these Affirmations do not work for you, you can always create your own. For example, you may want to use an Affirmation from one of your favorite songs. My favorite of these is “Be Stupid” from a Madonna track. Crazy I know, but it reminds me that it’s ok to laugh at myself sometimes. You can play that song over and over again to help reinforce its message and to change your negative thought patterns.

Look, everyone needs an emotional jumpstart once in a while. Affirmations used in a way that works for you will definitely get your motivational engine working more for you. This of course, means you to deal with any negative thoughts; helping you to continue moving forward.

Don’t let anything hold your back!

P.S. 11. I Feel Terrific!

Cheryl’s ProfileCheryl Paris is a Blogger, Stress Coach and Internet Marketer. She started blogging to support the mainly female Social Care professionals with actionable tips and resources rather than just ideas. Cheryl Paris Blog is your go-to source for stuff to help you stop the “stressing about caring”. Breaking it down for you; making it simpler than ever to have more natural highs while keep your personality.


FAILED AGAIN

I Failed AgainBy Ayo Olaniyan

LIFE SKILLS


Ssshh!!! Can I share a secret with you?

I failed again.

What am I going to do? Hmm !!! Look for other alternatives.

Talking about how you resolved the various difficulties of life; coming out strong and success-ful, provides an inspiration to people currently going through similar experiences.

Your perception of failure may differ from others but it’s safe to say we all exhibit negative emotions (even if it’s for a brief moment) each time we experience failure.

So what is failure and how have I experienced it?

The Free Dictionary describes failure as the condition or fact of not achieving the desired end result. It is also a decline in strength or effectiveness of an individual.

My friends/family are aware of my high grades (possibly a distinction) in failure because:

• I just failed a task 16 hours ago. • I failed in the first semester of year 1 at the university. I had 7 referrals out of 9 courses. Hmm!! those days; I wanted to change universities because I was so embarrassed and kept it from my parents till my final year, but I’m

so grateful to my reading buddies, because it turned out well in the end. • I partnered in a very small business which crumbled after two years. • I felt inferior because I didn’t always meet up to people’s expectations: stayed in a shared flat, had no car, no money or exclusive designer wears…..It’s always very funny when I take a trip down memory lane, • I was turned down at several job interviews. • I harbored a low self esteem because I felt I wasn’t good enough for some ladies (emphasis lol!!) since they wouldn’t go out on a date with me.

NEWSFLASH: ‘I HAVEN’T STOPPED FAILING’.

Michael Jordan made this statement in an interview ‘I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed’.

The effects of failure are as follows: • Worry and anxiety • Depression. • Low self esteem and confidence • Constant negative thoughts (Pessimism) • Procrastination • Broken relationships • Self Defeat • Self Denial

I Failed AgainBy Ayo Olaniyan


FAILED AGAINLIFE SKILLS

• Communication breakdown. • The fear of people making judgments.

The aim of this post is to suggest a few tips that could be useful in dealing with failure.In no particular order, they are:

Examine your life

In examining your lifestyle, there is a need to look at how you arrived at where you are currently, the experiences you’ve had in the past/present, your goals, aspirations, ambitions and most of all the difficulties encountered in the journey of life. You also need to understand the importance being realistic with your expectations, making a conscious decision not to create unnecessary pressure through several activities you are involved in and finally, dealing with the challenges of failure that come your way.

Work on your attitude

“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference” – Winston Churchill

Your attitude contributes to the level of success attained. It also makes a difference or improves the way you work, manage your time, communicate, build relationships and deal with the issues of life. Your attitude determines how you respond to failure, whether you rise or fall, what experience can be gained from living a life filled with purpose. A positive attitude enhances optimism, helps you manage your failures, worries and it conditions your thoughts.

The benefits of a positive attitude are as follows:

• It increases your chances of success. • It inspires and motivates you. • It helps you manage your failures with a view to accomplishing your goals.

• It allows you communicate effectively. Condition your thoughts

At times we are unable to scale through life’s challenges because of the negative thoughts which overwhelm us. If you approach failure with pessimism, there is a possibility of making wrong judgments and bad decisions.

In order to condition your thoughts you need to:

• Accept it’s normal to feel hurt/upset • Think constructively and be optimistic

Express your frustrations

It is very important to establish positive relationships with people. Sharing your experiences of failure with trusted friends or family provides some form of relief. Remember, there are several ways to resolve different issues and learning from the experiences of others could reduce stress levels and bring about happiness.

Understand the need for patience

The highway to success has failure at the checkpoints or traffic lights. It is important to exercise patience, assess the situation and start again. This prevents frustrations, burnouts, negative self talk or image…. If failing is viewed as a lesson of life you need to understand why it happened, learn from your past mistakes, take it one step at a time being careful to spot or grasp new ways of doing things.

Don’t be too hard on yourself

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Everybody fails at one point or the other; besides you won’t be the first and certainly not the last.


LIFE SKILLS FACE YOUR FEARS

You might find these suggestions useful:

• Be happy. • Indulge in life’s simple pleasures. • Focus on your strengths and improve on your weaknesses. • Give your self esteem a boost knowing if you have failed in one aspect of your life, you are excellent in other endeavors.

Regain control

There are a few instances when you notice you don’t have any control of the situation at hand. You lose your mind, sleep and becomes anxious for everything. Things just spiral out of control because you’ve failed. It is important to note your level of frustration reduces the moment you figure out a way to gain control by being realistic, thoughtful, optimistic…..

Look at your options

Learn to investigate or think deeply about the possible ways of dealing with failure. The more options you have, the higher your chances of succeeding.

Be strong and confident

Learning to handle failure in a matured manner equips you with the appropriate mindset to seeing things move in a positive direction. Being strong requires determination, ecisiveness and the will power to keep your focus on the results you intend to achieve.

Do it again

When hope has reached its lowest depths and it appears your world is crumbling before your eyes, DO IT AGAIN. Draw strength from within believing you can and will succeed. Don’t lose your enthusiasm neither should you stop trying.

Your goals may be farfetched and out of reach but remember, there’s always a time for

everything. Stay focused, work hard, be positive and DO IT AGAIN.

People become successful by doing things over and over again with different approaches, new insights, strong drives, new skills etc.

Rest

Form the habit of relaxing in order to reduce your levels of anxiety and worrying. Your mind could wander into past events of failure, causing sleepless nights, poor diets, frequent headaches, etc. In order to gain control of your emotions and combat the feeling of being a failure, resting can’t be overlooked.

Take time out to sleep properly, laze around, listen to music or have some form of leisure activity.

If you are like me and has failed again, the challenge is to change your perception to failure and learn to deal with it in stages.

I look forward to your comments and suggestions.

Ayos’ Profile



LIFE SKILLS

Asking the right questions to change your life By Steve Aitchison

CHANGE YOUR LIFELIFE SKILLS CHANGE YOUR LIFELIFE SKILLS CHANGE YOUR LIFELIFE SKILLS CHANGE YOUR LIFE


The day your world changed with one question

Personal development means absolutely nothing unless we are ready to change. We can read a hundred books, attend a hundred seminars, read a million blogs but it still won’t change us unless we are ready to change.

A lot of us are looking for answers but we still haven’t formulated a question.

Questions are key to solving anything whether it be a mathematical problem or your ownlife.

James Dyson asked the question; How could I get rid of the bag in the howeverwithout losing suction?

Richard Branson asked the question: How can I compete with the big airlines?

Robert Scoble asked the question: How can I change Microsoft’s public image?

Darren Rowse asked the question: How can I make money blogging?

Once you’ve formulated your question how do you know it’s the right question? The answer to that is: when it moves you toward a positive outcome for the good of yourself and harms no other.

I have a friend who has been trying to get out of his current job for 2 years. The benefits and salary are the key things that hold him there. I have asked him several times ‘If you left your job just now, what would you want to do?’ to this day he still doesn’t know what he wantsto do. He knows if he seriously asks himself this question it will be a step closer to making a decision and leaving the company.

So if he doesn’t ask the question he can go on with his life and complain about his job.

It takes balls to ask the right question

There are many people in the situation I

described above and many people who have still not asked the right questions and deep down don’t want to. Questions drive us forward, right questions change our lives.

Think about this scenario and the questions we could ask:

You’re fat and you want to lose weight. You’ve lost a few pounds and are quite pleased with yourself and your progress.

You are looking in the cupboards one day and see that packet of biscuits that the kids have not seen (rarely ever happens, but it could).

What questions do you ask?

Will one biscuit really do any harm?

It’s only got 100 calories, surely that’s not going to harm me?

I’ve done so well I should have some reward?

Are these the right questions to ask?

Any overweight person knows, deep down, they are not.

The right questions to ask in this situation could be: • If I have this biscuit will it disrupt my program? • Will this one biscuit throw out all the good work I’ve done? • Will this one biscuit lead to another one? • I’ve done so well; it’s crazy to stop now isn’t it?

Asking the right questions takes guts.

Changing your questions

If you are stuck in a situation and you have been asking yourself questions which are not driving you forward in some way try asking a different set of questions.

As an example I have written about ‘paying off my mortgage to become a professiona


l blogger’. I have an agreement with my wife that if I can pay off our mortgage I can give up my full time job as a home-less support worker and become a profes-sional blogger. I like working as a support worker however I want to work for myself but not have to worry about money whilst I am doing it.

So I came up with paying off the mortgage.

Now my first questions were:

• How can I make money to pay off the mortgage? • How can I get £75,000? • What can I do to make that much money?

When these questions are asked I felt doomed to fail, I felt this is an unreachabletarget.

Then I realized I was asking the wrong questions.

I started asking:

• What can I do to earn £1000 (If I can do £1000, I can replicate it 75 times) • What service could I offer to help people who would pay me? • What skills do I have that I could convert into money? • What would be a win win situation whereby people are getting something for paying me to do something?

So I came up with the eBook , not the best way to make £75,000 but it offers read-ers an easy way to read the articles on my blog whilst helping me toward my goal. I have also been pushing my services as a blog consultant over at my other blog.

I also have a few ideas to help people lose

weight and charge £499 for a 3 month program and limit it to 50 people, I am still working on this.

There are also a few other things I have in mind.

All this from changing my questions. I feel energized to really go for this goal and get to the target.

How to change your questions to change your life

• Break your goals down

If you have big goals, break them down. For example if your goal is to lose 30 pounds, start asking how you could lose 2 pounds. Do this 15 times and you have reached your goal. Sound too simple, that’s because it is, its our thinking that makes it hard.

•Think of 5 questions for each problem

We often ask ourselves the same question over and over again. Ask 5 different questions to a problem you might be stuck with and start answering them all. This was you might have 5 different solutions.

•Ask questions all the time

Ask yourself questions in every area of your life.

How can I make my kids happier?

How can I free up more time for myself?

How can a work smarter?

How could this process be improved?

How can I become more organized? Why have I not bought this guys eBook yet?

When you ask questions in all areas of your life, you will gradually learn to ask good questions and filter out the bad questions. Practice is the key to changing

LIFE SKILLS CHANGE YOUR LIFE


your life and asking questions is a great skill to have.

•What do you want to change in your life today?

Ask yourself this question often as we often get stuck in our life and stop thinking about what would make it better.

I hope this article has helped you in asking some questions about yourself. What questions would you ask yourself to change?

Let me know by leaving a comment.

Steve’s Profile

Steve was born and raised in Scotland, UK and stays in the west of Scotland with his wife and two sons. He works as an addiction worker, coun-seling clients with alcohol and drug addictions. He is also a blogger as well as the author of 100 Ways To Develop Your Mind.


LIFE SKILLS

Seven Ways to Bring On the EpiphaniesBy Patricia Bechtold

LIFE SKILLSLIFE SKILLSLIFE SKILLS EPIPHANIES


e-pip-ha-ny: [i-pif-uh-nee]

A sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.

I love ephiphanies. Or revelations. Aha moments. Whatever you want to call them. For those of us who prize meaning making, personal growth, self discovery, and transformation, ephipanies are valuable currency.

So how come they can be so difficult to capture?

They’re skittish little creatures. They bolt when things are chaotic. They hide when we call them too loudly. They disappear just as we’re about to grab them.

Most epiphanies are quiet and gentle, not bold flashes out of the blue. Perhaps they’ll show up as faint urges, hunches, or curiosities. Often they have a dreamlike quality. And they require listening and nurturing, because they come from a deep and visceral place within our psyches.

They arrive as whispers, not shouts. But oh, how we want the SHOUT!

Yes. Many people have told me over the years: “I WANT the lightening bolt.” (Not literally, of course.) So in my work with clients, we explore what it means to make space to hear the whisper.

Here are seven ways to do that:

1. CREATE. During mask making workshops it’s incredible to watch the change that comes over people as they pick up and begin to glue down the first parts of their masks. Their faces go all serene and composed. And random creation, especially if it involves getting out of your head and into a sensory experience, will soften you up for epiphanies. Plus, it’s so very simple to create a mask. All you need is a paper plate for the face, and small objects from around the house and garden: dried beans, uncooked rice, tissue paper, sticks, leaves, rocks, etc. You can center yourself by first meditating on these words: “I am…” Once the words begin to come to you, let them guide you to create a mask. Or, if this doesn’t appeal to you, why not try free form writing, improvisational collage (randomly pulling images that appeal to you for no apparent reason), or finger painting?


LIFE SKILLS EPIPHANIES

2. MUSIC. How often do you simply listen to music, letting it fill you up, without doing anything else? Music zooms us into our right brains. But it only works if we stop multi-tasking our way through it. This can be as simple as giving in and simply listening to the music rather than doing anything else. Or it can be more deliberate, choosing a piece of music that is part of your history, that speaks to you in a special way. When you sit down in a quiet place to listen to it, allow the music to be your internal guide, taking you back to places, times, and feelings you wish to rediscover. Let the music flow through you. Let go of expectations and the need for a particular outcome, and let the music reconnect you with images, feelings, and ideas from the past. Passively place yourself in the role of the recipient or observer, viewing, feeling, and listening to whatever images are evoked by the music.

3. WATER. When you’re near water, on water, or in water, your unconscious perks up and responds to its vastness, its unknowable qualities. I personally favor the ocean because it takes me to an infinite place within, where I feel closer to the mysteries of life. But I’ve also discovered that soaking in a hot tub works too! The trick is to let the water embrace you. Give in, and imagine you are one with it.

4. PLAY. Go to a playground and swing for ten minutes. The power of this always astonishes me. Is there anything better than depositing your butt in the seat of a swing, and feeling the exhilaration of flying up, up, up into the air? Remember that experience from childhood? Granted, we adults may discover that gravity keeps us from flying quite as high as we did as children, but the magic is still there. When I suggest this activity to my clients, they do tend to look at me as if I’m a bit nuts, but they always return to tell me of some new insight that came from this simple activity.

5. NATURE. Even looking at a tree for five minutes makes a difference. It’s true! Studies have been done on it. Although it’s nice to get seriously into BIG nature, it’s not a requirement. Simply stopping for a few minutes each day, looking out the window and concentrating on the tree tops, or resting on a park bench calmly viewing the trunk, branches, and leaves of a tree, has the power to connect us to the deep reservoir of meaning that resides within all of us.


6. RETREAT. Solo is good. A day. A week. Whatever you can manage. Very Important: travel light and keep it simple. I once made the mistake of taking far too much stuff along on a personal retreat: books, magazines, clothes, etc. I ended up putting most of it back in the car, so that I could simply be. And that’s the point of retreat: just be. In that place of being, all the externals are stripped away, and we come face-to-face with ourselves.

7. DREAMS. I mean the sleeping kind of dreams. Yup, they’re important. They speak the language of our souls. They speak in riddles, imagery, and metaphor. The biggest mistake we make is to take them literally. But when we scratch beneath the surface and translate the symbolic meaning they hold, their power to present us with nicely wrapped epiphanies is unequaled.

There’s one more truth I’ve learned about epiphanies. Once we’ve captured them, sometimes we must baby them and protect them. Get them past their fragile states. Then it’s safe to let them out into the world.

How about you? How do you make space for epiphanies? And what have been your most im-portant epiphanies? Patricia’s Profile

Patricia Bechtold, M.S., is a Life Coach, Life Transitions Counselor, and Relationship Coach in Sacramento, CA. She works with people who are tired of the status quo, and yearning for more meaning and adventure in their lives. With a master’s degree in counseling and training in life coaching and depth psychology, she is passionate about helping clients dive deep to claim their true stories. You can visit her at her website, bechtoldlifework.com, or stop by her blog, whynotstartnow.wordpress.com.

Life Skills Magazine issue 3

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Transcript of Life Skills Magazine issue 3