LIFE-SITUATION LIFE-SITUATION INTERVENTIONSINTERVENTIONS

Chapter 6Chapter 6

InterpersonalInterpersonal

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE ASSERTIVE?ASSERTIVE?

IS IT MORE EFFECTIVE TO BE IS IT MORE EFFECTIVE TO BE ASSERTIVE OR AGGRESSIVE?ASSERTIVE OR AGGRESSIVE?

DEFINITIONSDEFINITIONS

Assertive – expressing yourself and Assertive – expressing yourself and satisfying your own needs, feeling satisfying your own needs, feeling positively about this, AND not hurting positively about this, AND not hurting others in the processothers in the process

NONassertive – denying or sacrificing NONassertive – denying or sacrificing your own needs or wishes to satisfy your own needs or wishes to satisfy someone else’ssomeone else’s

DEFINITIONS cont.DEFINITIONS cont.

Aggressive – seeking to dominate or Aggressive – seeking to dominate or get your own way at the expense of get your own way at the expense of othersothers

Test your own assertiveness level Test your own assertiveness level (pg. 96)(pg. 96)

WHICH OF THESE TYPES OF WHICH OF THESE TYPES OF BEHAVIOR COULD LEAD TO STRESS?BEHAVIOR COULD LEAD TO STRESS?

AND…AND…

HOW?HOW?

Nonassertiveness => not satisfying Nonassertiveness => not satisfying your own needs/wishes => your own needs/wishes => STRESSORS!STRESSORS!

Aggressiveness => Aggressiveness => strained/poor/nonexistent strained/poor/nonexistent interpersonal relationships => interpersonal relationships => STRESSORS!STRESSORS!

NONVERBAL ASSERTIVENESSNONVERBAL ASSERTIVENESS

BE FAMILIAR WITH THE NONVERBAL BE FAMILIAR WITH THE NONVERBAL SIGNS OF THE 3 COMMUNICATION SIGNS OF THE 3 COMMUNICATION STYLES (pg. 98), but…STYLES (pg. 98), but…

UNDERSTAND THAT NOT EVERY UNDERSTAND THAT NOT EVERY CULTURE/RACE/ETHNICITY CULTURE/RACE/ETHNICITY CONFORMS TO THE SAME MEANINGS CONFORMS TO THE SAME MEANINGS BEHIND NONVERBAL CUES AND BEHIND NONVERBAL CUES AND BODY LANGUAGEBODY LANGUAGE

VERBAL ASSERTIVENESSVERBAL ASSERTIVENESS

DESC form minus C = DESDESC form minus C = DES

Describe-the other person’s beh. OR the Describe-the other person’s beh. OR the situation, “When….”situation, “When….”

Express-your feelings, “I feel…”Express-your feelings, “I feel…”

Specify-what you would like to change, “I Specify-what you would like to change, “I would prefer…” or “I would like you to…” or would prefer…” or “I would like you to…” or “I want…”“I want…”

CONSEQUENCE?!?!CONSEQUENCE?!?!

Why take off the C (consequence)?Why take off the C (consequence)?

What does saying “If you do/don’t What does saying “If you do/don’t do…, I will …” imply to the other do…, I will …” imply to the other person?person?

Sounds like a THREAT OR Sounds like a THREAT OR ULTIMATUM, doesn’t it?ULTIMATUM, doesn’t it?

How do most people respond to How do most people respond to THREATS OR ULTIMATUMS?!THREATS OR ULTIMATUMS?!

Try the DES insteadTry the DES instead

Group ActivityGroup Activity

CONFLICT RESOLUTIONCONFLICT RESOLUTION

For most of us, conflict/confrontation…For most of us, conflict/confrontation…

Active/Reflective Listening – Active/Reflective Listening – paraphrase the other person’s words paraphrase the other person’s words AND feelings (what if you’re wrong?)AND feelings (what if you’re wrong?)

What message does attempting to What message does attempting to actively/reflectively listen send?actively/reflectively listen send?

CONFLICT RESOLUTION cont.CONFLICT RESOLUTION cont.

Identifying your position – send an Identifying your position – send an “I…” message (from activity earlier)“I…” message (from activity earlier)

Exploring solutions – not about Exploring solutions – not about winning or being rightwinning or being right

You have to decide: Is it worth it?You have to decide: Is it worth it?

COMMUNICATIONCOMMUNICATION

Goal is congruence between your Goal is congruence between your verbal AND your nonverbal expressionverbal AND your nonverbal expression

Plan time to talk (suggestions on Plan time to talk (suggestions on pg.104)pg.104)

Listening-active/reflective listening is Listening-active/reflective listening is POWERFUL in everyday conversation, POWERFUL in everyday conversation, NOT JUST IN CONFLICTSNOT JUST IN CONFLICTS

COMMUNICATION cont.COMMUNICATION cont.

Find something to agree withFind something to agree with

Substitute “and…” for “but…”;”but” Substitute “and…” for “but…”;”but” may… may…

““I…” statements; What tends to happen I…” statements; What tends to happen when you start with “You…”?when you start with “You…”?

Substitute “what…?” or “how…?” for Substitute “what…?” or “how…?” for “why”“why”

TIME MANAGEMENTTIME MANAGEMENT

List of Time Management List of Time Management suggestions…on pages 106-109suggestions…on pages 106-109

Many of you set Time Mgmt. Stress Many of you set Time Mgmt. Stress goals; These strategies can help! goals; These strategies can help! They will also help you be SPECIFIC!They will also help you be SPECIFIC!

SOCIAL SUPPORT NETWORKSOCIAL SUPPORT NETWORK

Just be aware of 3 types: tangible, Just be aware of 3 types: tangible, emotional, and informationalemotional, and informational

Whether DIRECT EFFECT THEORY or Whether DIRECT EFFECT THEORY or STRESS BUFFERING THEORY, either STRESS BUFFERING THEORY, either way…way…

A strong social support network A strong social support network provides a strong foundation for…provides a strong foundation for…

SOCIAL SUPPORT NETWORK SOCIAL SUPPORT NETWORK cont.cont.

Scale to measure your social support Scale to measure your social support on pg. 110-112on pg. 110-112

TAKING CHANCES!!!TAKING CHANCES!!!