Letting Go: Parents & Students in Transition
description
Transcript of Letting Go: Parents & Students in Transition
![Page 1: Letting Go: Parents & Students in Transition](https://reader034.fdocuments.us/reader034/viewer/2022051419/56815b07550346895dc8b603/html5/thumbnails/1.jpg)
Letting Go: Parents & Students in Transition
Presented by the Counseling & Psychological Services of Florida Tech
![Page 2: Letting Go: Parents & Students in Transition](https://reader034.fdocuments.us/reader034/viewer/2022051419/56815b07550346895dc8b603/html5/thumbnails/2.jpg)
Welcome to Florida Tech!
We are thrilled We are thrilled that you and that you and your son or your son or
daughter have daughter have chosen FIT…chosen FIT…
![Page 3: Letting Go: Parents & Students in Transition](https://reader034.fdocuments.us/reader034/viewer/2022051419/56815b07550346895dc8b603/html5/thumbnails/3.jpg)
An exciting and challenging time is ahead of you
• Each of you may experience bringing your child to college differently
• Regardless, it is a time of transition in your relationship
![Page 4: Letting Go: Parents & Students in Transition](https://reader034.fdocuments.us/reader034/viewer/2022051419/56815b07550346895dc8b603/html5/thumbnails/4.jpg)
Expectations for College• What we often tell students…
• Freshmen are faced with so many new people, ideas, experiences, and dilemmas – and are asked to assume greater responsibility for all aspects of their lives
• Problems and struggles are inevitable and normal
• Their challenge…
• Your challenge… is to support them in the best ways possible
![Page 5: Letting Go: Parents & Students in Transition](https://reader034.fdocuments.us/reader034/viewer/2022051419/56815b07550346895dc8b603/html5/thumbnails/5.jpg)
How to Begin• Think about how seasoned adults handle
change
• Beginning college is a turning point… a time of change
• You must begin to let go on a new level
![Page 6: Letting Go: Parents & Students in Transition](https://reader034.fdocuments.us/reader034/viewer/2022051419/56815b07550346895dc8b603/html5/thumbnails/6.jpg)
The Process of Letting Go
• Remember this process began long ago
• The continuum began when your child needed everything from you, and now they need far less as they further develop independence
• Best advice… finding a balance!
![Page 7: Letting Go: Parents & Students in Transition](https://reader034.fdocuments.us/reader034/viewer/2022051419/56815b07550346895dc8b603/html5/thumbnails/7.jpg)
The Process of Letting Go• Adding to your ambivalence is their movement
toward independence along with times of retreating into anxiety and hanging on
……You’ll need to shift gears constantlyYou’ll need to shift gears constantly
““Roomies” by David WillisRoomies” by David Willis
![Page 8: Letting Go: Parents & Students in Transition](https://reader034.fdocuments.us/reader034/viewer/2022051419/56815b07550346895dc8b603/html5/thumbnails/8.jpg)
Contradictory Roles
“There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One is roots; the other is wings.”
Hodding Carter
![Page 9: Letting Go: Parents & Students in Transition](https://reader034.fdocuments.us/reader034/viewer/2022051419/56815b07550346895dc8b603/html5/thumbnails/9.jpg)
Contradictory Roles• Giving roots and wings has been your job from the
beginning
• Accepting these contradictory roles -- building closeness and fostering independence -- can be a struggle
• You’ll need to protect less, but may worry more
• To reach independence they need freedom, but with that comes responsibility
• College students are just BEGINNERS in this process, but they have years of wisdom behind them as well as the things that you have taught them
![Page 10: Letting Go: Parents & Students in Transition](https://reader034.fdocuments.us/reader034/viewer/2022051419/56815b07550346895dc8b603/html5/thumbnails/10.jpg)
Contradictory Roles• The two parts of you – rational and scared
• Your child will be presented with a host of pressures that are part of the growing-up process. Remember – you made it through!
• Information, support, and encouragement lead to self reliance
![Page 11: Letting Go: Parents & Students in Transition](https://reader034.fdocuments.us/reader034/viewer/2022051419/56815b07550346895dc8b603/html5/thumbnails/11.jpg)
Understanding what you and your child are going through can:
• Help you negotiate this significant phase of your child’s life
• Free you to help your child become his or her best self
![Page 12: Letting Go: Parents & Students in Transition](https://reader034.fdocuments.us/reader034/viewer/2022051419/56815b07550346895dc8b603/html5/thumbnails/12.jpg)
3 Major Developmental Tasks for College Students
• Separation/Individuation from family and home environment
• Identity Formation
• Achieving Intimacy With Peers
![Page 13: Letting Go: Parents & Students in Transition](https://reader034.fdocuments.us/reader034/viewer/2022051419/56815b07550346895dc8b603/html5/thumbnails/13.jpg)
How Do Students Reach These Developmental Goals?
• Via parental guidance, example, and teaching
• By observing their friends and peers
• Through their own intuitive sense of need
• By trial and error
![Page 14: Letting Go: Parents & Students in Transition](https://reader034.fdocuments.us/reader034/viewer/2022051419/56815b07550346895dc8b603/html5/thumbnails/14.jpg)
Separation/Individuation
• Entails a physical and/or psychological separation from home (often for the first prolonged period of time)
• Good news is this process has in some ways been going on since toddlerhood, so you’ve had some practice
![Page 15: Letting Go: Parents & Students in Transition](https://reader034.fdocuments.us/reader034/viewer/2022051419/56815b07550346895dc8b603/html5/thumbnails/15.jpg)
Separation/Individuation
• Less and less reliance on mom & dad/ family for managing daily affairs
““Ty Dye” from Ty Dye” from Late To ClassLate To Class by Randy Simpson by Randy Simpson
![Page 16: Letting Go: Parents & Students in Transition](https://reader034.fdocuments.us/reader034/viewer/2022051419/56815b07550346895dc8b603/html5/thumbnails/16.jpg)
Separation/Individuation
Research indicates that college students who fail to separate enough from their parents have a much tougher time meaningfully investing in undergraduate life, and, later on functioning as independent adults in society…
![Page 17: Letting Go: Parents & Students in Transition](https://reader034.fdocuments.us/reader034/viewer/2022051419/56815b07550346895dc8b603/html5/thumbnails/17.jpg)
Separation/Individuation• However, there is still an important role
played by ongoing attachment with your child
• Emotional and financial support are necessary for your students to perform well in the collegiate environment
![Page 18: Letting Go: Parents & Students in Transition](https://reader034.fdocuments.us/reader034/viewer/2022051419/56815b07550346895dc8b603/html5/thumbnails/18.jpg)
““Roomies” by David Willis – Dec. 15, 1998Roomies” by David Willis – Dec. 15, 1998
Separation/Individuation
• Ideally, this process is a gradual one
![Page 19: Letting Go: Parents & Students in Transition](https://reader034.fdocuments.us/reader034/viewer/2022051419/56815b07550346895dc8b603/html5/thumbnails/19.jpg)
Identity Formation• Helps students answer the question of “who
am I?”
• Complex process that started years ago, but is now intensifying
• College years are full of critical, identity-based choices and commitments
![Page 20: Letting Go: Parents & Students in Transition](https://reader034.fdocuments.us/reader034/viewer/2022051419/56815b07550346895dc8b603/html5/thumbnails/20.jpg)
Achieving Peer Intimacy • This phase tends to affect college students in a highly
significant way
• Again, this exploration started back in puberty, but the concurrent separation from family intensifies the need
• Increasing reliance on getting intimacy needs met primarily through peer group (instead of family) provides your child with the tools to build relationships for the future
![Page 21: Letting Go: Parents & Students in Transition](https://reader034.fdocuments.us/reader034/viewer/2022051419/56815b07550346895dc8b603/html5/thumbnails/21.jpg)
What You Can Do To Facilitate the TransitionDon’t panic
Remember the good foundations you’ve given them
Don’t make assumptions
Listen carefully
Support and encourage, but try not to hover
Focus on clear communication
![Page 22: Letting Go: Parents & Students in Transition](https://reader034.fdocuments.us/reader034/viewer/2022051419/56815b07550346895dc8b603/html5/thumbnails/22.jpg)
Don’t blink!They’ll be walking They’ll be walking
across that across that graduation stage graduation stage before you know before you know
it!it!