ACADEMIC ENGLISH III December 5 th 2012. Today Continue: Wordiness.
Lesson 3 Writing Strong Sentences Revising Objectives: 1.To identify and correct wordiness 2.To...
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Transcript of Lesson 3 Writing Strong Sentences Revising Objectives: 1.To identify and correct wordiness 2.To...
Lesson 3Writing Strong Sentences
Revising
Objectives:
1. To identify and correct wordiness
2. To identify and combine choppy; rambling sentences
3. To identify and correct tired images
1. Eliminating Wordiness
Empty Expressions:On account of Due to the fact that
What I want is The reason that
In my opinion The reason/fact is that
It seems as if There is/are/was/were
It is/was What I’m trying to say is
Because of the fact that I believe/feel/think/that
wordy Despite the fact that there has been a drought in the food bowl of the Great Plains, most crops are surviving.
concise
wordy Despite the fact that there has been a drought in the food bowl of the Great Plains, most crops are surviving.
concise Despite the drought in the food bowl of the Great Plains, most crops are surviving.
wordy In my opinion the high-fashion clothes advertised in most magazines are like costumes.
concise
wordy In my opinion the high-fashion clothes advertised in most magazines are like costumes.
concise The high-fashion clothes advertised in most magazines are like costumes.
wordy What I’m trying to say is that little lies lead to big lies.
concise
wordy What I’m trying to say is that little lies lead to big lies.
concise Little lies lead to big lies.
2. Combining Sentences
• Combine short, choppy sentences into longer ones
**Do not use CONJUNCTIONS (and, but, or, etc.)**
Short, choppy sentence
The Blue Angels perform spectacular stunts. They are part of the U.S. Navy. The perform aviation stunts at air shows. The shows are held around the world.
Combined sentence
Short, choppy sentence
The Blue Angels perform spectacular stunts. They are part of the U.S. Navy. The perform aviation stunts at air shows. The shows are held around the world.
Combined sentence
The Blue angels of the U.S. Navy perform spectacular aviation stunts at air shows around the world.
Short, choppy sentence
Blue Angel pilots must have at least 1,500 hours of flying time. They are some of the best trained pilots.
Combined sentence
**Add information to the subject (appositive phrase)**
Short, choppy sentence
Blue Angel pilots must have at least 1,500 hours of flying time. They are some of the best trained pilots.
Combined sentence
Blue Angel pilots, some of the best-trained pilots, must have at least 1,500 hours of flying time.
Short, choppy sentence
The Blue angel pilots usually please the audience the most. They bring the show to a thrilling finish.
Combined sentence
**Do not start the sentence with the subject**
Short, choppy sentence
The Blue angel pilots usually please the audience the most. They bring the show to a thrilling finish.
Combined sentence
Bringing the show to a thrilling finish, the Blue Angels usually please the audience the most.
Coordinating SentencesWhen two sentences are of equal importance, bring them together with one of the following:
To Show Similarity To Show Contrast To Show Result
and but so
both/ and yet thusnot only/ but also or, nor hence
besides however therefore
indeed instead consequently
furthermore still accordingly
moreover nevertheless as a result
Short, Choppy Sentences
John Adams died on July 4, 1826. Thomas Jefferson died on July 4, 1826.
Combined Sentence
Similarity, Contrast, or Result?
Short, Choppy Sentences
John Adams died on July 4, 1826. Thomas Jefferson died on July 4, 1826.
Combined Sentence
John Adams and Thomas Jefferson died on July 4, 1926
Similarity
Short, Choppy Sentences
Coincidences often intrigue people. Coincidences often frighten people.
Combined Sentence
Similarity, Contrast, or Result?
Short, Choppy Sentences
Coincidences often intrigue people. Coincidences often frighten people.
Combined Sentence
Coincidences often intrigue and frighten people.
Similarity
Short, Choppy Sentences
The number 88 was thought to be unlucky for James II of Scotland. The number 88 was thought to be unlucky for Mary Stuart, Queen of Scots.
Combined Sentence
Similarity, Contrast, or Result?
Short, Choppy Sentences
The number 88 was thought to be unlucky for James II of Scotland. The number 88 was thought to be unlucky for Mary Stuart, Queen of Scots.
Combined Sentence
The number 88 was thought to be unlucky for James II of Scotland and Mary Stuart, Queen of Scots.
Similarity
Short, Choppy Sentences
James II died in battle in 1488. Mary Stuart was beheaded in 1587. She never saw 1588.
Combined Sentence
Similarity, Contrast, or Result?
Short, Choppy Sentences
James II died in battle in 1488. Mary Stuart was beheaded in 1587. She never saw 1588.
Combined Sentence
James II died in battle in 1488, but Mary Stuart was beheaded in 1587, so she never saw 1588.
Contrast & Result
Short, Choppy Sentences
Superstitions are foolish. Superstitions can be interesting though.
Combined Sentence
Similarity, Contrast, or Result
Short, Choppy Sentences
Superstitions are foolish. Superstitions can be interesting though.
Combined Sentence
Superstitions are foolish, but they can be interesting.
Contrast
Short, Choppy Sentences
Superstitious people are fearful. They often see evil omens in everyday events.
Combined Sentence
Similar, Contrast, or Result?
Short, Choppy Sentences
Superstitious people are fearful. They often see evil omens in everyday events.
Combined Sentence
Superstitious people are fearful, consequently they see evil omens in everyday events.
Result
3. Refreshing Tired Images
Cliches--an overused expression or idea.
All things happen for a reason
An apple a day keeps the doctor away
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Dirt poor
Keep your head above water
It’s as plain as day