Lecture 11Lecture 11

Nonverbal Communication:Nonverbal Communication:

Silence & ListeningSilence & Listening

All people “experience” silence All people “experience” silence Attitudes toward silence can be Attitudes toward silence can be

dramatically differentdramatically different Ex: many cultures expect more silence from Ex: many cultures expect more silence from

women and children than from adult menwomen and children than from adult men It can have a positive or negative impact It can have a positive or negative impact

on communication processon communication process It can provide a peace or create tension It can provide a peace or create tension

and uneasinessand uneasiness

Overview of SilenceOverview of Silence

People cause others to be silent…People cause others to be silent… to gain attentionto gain attention to maintain controlto maintain control to protectto protect to teachto teach to attempt to eliminate distractionsto attempt to eliminate distractions to show respect for authority or traditionto show respect for authority or tradition to point to something greater than ourselvesto point to something greater than ourselves

Silence can be used as the language of Silence can be used as the language of

superiority and inferiority in relationships superiority and inferiority in relationships like teacher/student, male/female, like teacher/student, male/female, expert/clientexpert/client

Causing SilenceCausing Silence

Silencing someone can have both Silencing someone can have both positivepositive

& & negativenegative effects effects Sometimes silence is Sometimes silence is demandeddemanded by others by others

& by those who must themselves be quiet& by those who must themselves be quiet Often a Often a sign of respectsign of respect for the wisdom of for the wisdom of

othersothers The elderly person in families of many The elderly person in families of many

Eastern Eastern

culture groups expect silence from the culture groups expect silence from the children & lower family members as a sign of children & lower family members as a sign of respectrespect

Causing Silence Causing Silence (con’t)(con’t)

Places where outside noise is controlled –Places where outside noise is controlled –

created as a way to make people silentcreated as a way to make people silent librarylibrary museummuseum concert hallconcert hall funeral homefuneral home court roomcourt room

Zones of SilenceZones of Silence

Even small amounts of silence are filled Even small amounts of silence are filled with with actionaction and and doingdoing

Silence in exchanges is seen as dark, Silence in exchanges is seen as dark,

negative and “full of nothing” = not goodnegative and “full of nothing” = not good

Silence in Europe & N. AmericaSilence in Europe & N. America

Favor Favor long silenceslong silences

Silence is created more frequently Silence is created more frequently compared to Western culturescompared to Western cultures

Often interrupt actions with long and Often interrupt actions with long and deep deep

silencesilence

Lao Tsu, said “To talk little is natural”Lao Tsu, said “To talk little is natural”

Silence in East AsiaSilence in East Asia

Women view silent roles as very powerfulWomen view silent roles as very powerful Some women think silent roles are Some women think silent roles are naturalnatural

& cannot imagine speaking out unless& cannot imagine speaking out unless

something very bad is done to themsomething very bad is done to them Shows the Shows the power of controlpower of control Often not recognized or understood by Often not recognized or understood by

those who value those who value speech-as-powerspeech-as-power and by and by those those

who value who value assertivenessassertiveness by all, by all, equallyequally and and

democraticallydemocratically

Silence in East Asia Silence in East Asia (con’t)(con’t)

Effective ReceptionEffective Reception

The keyThe key is effective listeningis effective listening Listening is a skill that can be learned to Listening is a skill that can be learned to

enhance clarity in message exchangeenhance clarity in message exchange 50% more time listening than talking50% more time listening than talking Better listening skills develop better Better listening skills develop better

speaking skills because of awarenessspeaking skills because of awareness

Ineffective ListeningIneffective Listening

Without listening to details and context, Without listening to details and context,

important information can be missedimportant information can be missed Conflicts then ariseConflicts then arise Missed information limits solutions & Missed information limits solutions &

results results

in lost business time and moneyin lost business time and money Personal relationships will deterioratePersonal relationships will deteriorate

Active Listening GuidelinesActive Listening Guidelines Stop talkingStop talking Have a reason for listeningHave a reason for listening Create a supportive climateCreate a supportive climate Make eye contactMake eye contact

Number one priority - shows you are paying Number one priority - shows you are paying attentionattention

Use head & body language such as noddingUse head & body language such as nodding Try not to translate what is being said into Try not to translate what is being said into

what you want to hear: self-fulfilling what you want to hear: self-fulfilling prophecyprophecy

Aim your body orientation, move Aim your body orientation, move responsivelyresponsively

Pay attention to and actively search for Pay attention to and actively search for

meaning in nonverbal cuesmeaning in nonverbal cues Seek information and ask questionsSeek information and ask questions Suspend judgmentSuspend judgment Use attentive silence and play to itUse attentive silence and play to it

Rate of thoughtRate of thought 400-500 wpm400-500 wpm Rate of speechRate of speech 100-150 wpm100-150 wpm

Resist distractionsResist distractions Respond to content & feelingsRespond to content & feelings

Active Listening Guidelines Active Listening Guidelines (con’t)(con’t)

Active Listening Guidelines Active Listening Guidelines (con’t)(con’t)

Focus on themesFocus on themes Paraphrase to assure clarityParaphrase to assure clarity Give responsive sounds or paralanguage Give responsive sounds or paralanguage

feedbackfeedback Sounds or murmurs to allow the speaker to know Sounds or murmurs to allow the speaker to know

you are following his train of thoughtyou are following his train of thought right, OK, uh-huh, yeahright, OK, uh-huh, yeah

Give effective feedbackGive effective feedback Be specific, descriptive, timely, relevantBe specific, descriptive, timely, relevant

Pay attention to possible gender Pay attention to possible gender differencesdifferences

Asking QuestionsAsking Questions Don’t use Don’t use Closed QuestionsClosed Questions

Is, Do, Has, Can, Will, WhyIs, Do, Has, Can, Will, Why These are questions that only require a These are questions that only require a

““yes” or “no” answeryes” or “no” answer

Use Use Open QuestionsOpen Questions Where, When, How, What, Who, Which?Where, When, How, What, Who, Which?

Effective ListeningEffective Listening Real communication occurs when we listen Real communication occurs when we listen

while understanding the other person’s while understanding the other person’s point of view.point of view.

Test yourself with a series of questions Test yourself with a series of questions such as “what did I learn from the other such as “what did I learn from the other person?” or “who did more talking and person?” or “who did more talking and listening?” listening?”

Evaluate your answers and decide how to Evaluate your answers and decide how to improve your communication next time.improve your communication next time.

Effective Listening (con’t)Effective Listening (con’t)

Effective listening is not for everyone.Effective listening is not for everyone. To deal with the non-effective listener, clarify To deal with the non-effective listener, clarify

what you want to say prior to speaking.what you want to say prior to speaking. If your ideas are clear, the listener is more If your ideas are clear, the listener is more

likely to be receptive. likely to be receptive. Before meeting, give the to-be-listener an Before meeting, give the to-be-listener an

idea of what you want to discuss.idea of what you want to discuss.