Leadership from the Inside Out:

Interpersonal Mastery

• 66% of the leaders in the top quartile for possessing both Focus on Results and Interpersonal Skills were at the 90th percentile in terms of their overall leadership effectiveness.

• 13% of leaders with Focus on Results alone were in the 90th percentile.

• 9% of leaders with Interpersonal Skills alone were in the 90th percentile.

Task vs. Relationship

What have been your “Ten, Bob!” moments?

What are the situations that most inhibit your

authentic voice?

“Life’s most urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for

others?’” - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Interpersonal Mastery

1. Criticizing2. Name-Calling3. Diagnosing4. Praising Inappropriately 5. Ordering6. Threatening7. Moralizing8. Excessive/Inappropriate Questioning9. Advising10. Diverting11. Logical Argument12. Reassuring

Barriers to Communication

Judging

Sending Solutions

Avoiding the Other’s Concerns

8

Non-VerbalTone of Voice

Content

1. Know Yourself Authentically.2. Listen Authentically3. Influence Authentically4. Appreciate Authentically5. Share Stories Authentically6. Serve Authentically

Six Points for Authentic Interpersonal Mastery

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1. Discuss and develop strategies for improving one (or more) of your more underdeveloped areas of interpersonal mastery.

OR

2. Learn and practice a specific technique for having difficult/challenging conversations (strengthening assertiveness).

Choose Your Own Adventure!

Interpersonal Effectiveness

Staying true to yourself and your values.

Getting your objectives or goals

in a situation.

Obtaining or maintaining a good

relationship.

Getting Your Objectives or Goals in a Situation• Obtaining your legitimate rights.• Getting someone else to do something.• Refusing an unwanted or unreasonable request.• Resolving an interpersonal conflict.• Getting your opinion or point of view taken seriously. .

Questions:1. What specific results or changes to do I want from this

interaction?2. What do I have to do to get the results?

What will work?

Objectives Effectiveness

Obtaining or Maintaining a Good Relationship • Acting in such a way that the other person respects you.• Balancing immediate goals with the good of the

long-term relationship.

Questions:1. How do I want the other person to feel about me after the

interaction is over?2. What do I have to do to get (or keep) this relationship?

Relationship Effectiveness

Staying True to Yourself and Your Values• Respecting your own values and beliefs; acting in a way

that is congruent with your values. • Acting in a way that makes you feel capable and

effective.• Authenticity

Questions:1. How do I want to feel about myself after the interaction is over?2. What do I have to do to feel that way about myself? What will

work?

Self-Respect Effectiveness

D = DescribeE = ExpressA = AssertR = Reinforce

M = Mindful A = Appear ConfidentN = Negotiate

Objectives EffectivenessDEAR MAN

Broken RecordIgnore

G = GentleI = InterestedV = ValidatingE = Empathic

Relationship EffectivenessGIVE

No AttacksNo ThreatsNo Judging

F = FairA = Apologies (none)S = Stick to ValuesT = Truthful

Self-Respect EffectivenessFAST

D = DescribeE = ExpressA = AssertR = Reinforce

M = Mindful A = Appear ConfidentN = Negotiate

G = GentleI = InterestedV = ValidatingE = Empathic

F = FairA = Apologies (none)S = Stick to ValuesT = Truthful

Putting It All Together

For Next Session:• Pick ONE area of Interpersonal Mastery OR one

Barrier to Communication to focus on strengthening during the next two months.

• Be prepared to share what you did differently and how things went.

Action Items

For Next Session:• Practice using Dear Man Give Fast in your

interactions with others – particularly the interactions that you have been avoiding, dreading, etc.

• Be prepared to share one example in which you used Dear Man Give Fast and how it went.

Action Items