The Secret Skills of Authentic Leadership

Amanda GoreThe Connection Expert

Putting The Heart Back Into Business

Workbook

LEAD OUT LOUD

1

LEAD OUT LOUD W O R K B O O K

H o w t o u s e t h i s b o o kThank you for your commitment to Leading Out Loud. This workbook is designed

to develop practical skills which will enable you to be a better leader both

personally and professionally. You can share the “Lead Out Loud Kit” with a

group in your workplace or at home with your family.

There are a number of ways you can utilize this workbook and the video:

Watch the video, pausing as you go along to allow time for the

appropriate exercises.

Watch the video and use the workbook as a summary of the end.

Select some issues on the video in relation to your particular workplace

or family and discuss them along with the relevant ideas in this book.

However you decide to use this kit, you will find it is more effective when you use

the symbols along with the video. It is also more fun as the group is more likely

to interact, which creates a memorable, skill-building experience. Remember to

keep the symbols hidden until they appear in the video for maximum impact!

This workbook acts as a framework for subtle communication factors and character

qualities that are critical for great leadership. So watch the video, distribute the

symbols, engage in the activities and reinforce the message of Leading Out Loud!

Amanda Gore

2

T a b l e o f C o n t e n t s

FIND YOUR POSITIVE SPIRIT . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1

BE A GOOD FINDER . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2

REFRAME YOUR PERCEPTION . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3

“USE JUDGEMENT, DON’T MAKE JUDGEMENT” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4

OPEN YOUR HEART . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6

CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8

CREATE POSITIVE SELF TALK. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9

LEARN TO LISTEN . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10

TAME YOUR SPARKLY BITS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11

BE A STRESS-BUSTER . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13

MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14

CELEBRATE THE DIFFERENCES! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15

BE AWARE OF YOUR TIMING . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16

THE BLUE RIBBON STORY: WHO YOU ARE MAKES A DIFFERENCE . . . . 17

1

F i n d Y o u r P o s i t i v e S p i r i t

1. Make a list of people you know that have a positive spirit.

2. How do you feel about them?

3. What departments in your organization demonstrate a positive spirit?

4. Write down the names of 3 colleagues, or leaders, who have a positive spirit.

5. List some specific differences their positive spirit makes to your interaction with them.

6. In your opinion, how does their positive spirit influence their chances of success or promotion.

7. “Shine your light for others to see the way.” Talk about a situation where you did just this.

8. Describe a situation where someone else did it for you and the impact it had on you.

“The di f ference

between a posi t ive

spir i t and a posi t ive

at t i tude is that one

comes from the heart

and the other, f rom

the head .”

— A m a n d a Go r e

2

B e a G o o d F i n d e r !

1. List at least three reasons to be a good finder.

2. Recall a past boss who was a good finder or had a positive spirit. Describe how you felt working with that boss compared to one who was other than positive.

3. List three things that you can do differently to be more of a good finder.

4. Think of a person with whom you have had a “personality clash”. List five good points about them!

“Everybody can be

great . You only

need a heart fu l l

o f grace .”

— Martin Luther

King Jr.

“Love is the merchandise which a l l the world demands ; i f you s tore i t in your heart ,

every soul wi l l become your customer.”

— Hazrat Inayat Khan

3

R e f r a m e Y o u r P e r c e p t i o n

1. To do the reframing exercise with a situation at work first think of an “other than positive” situation in your workplace. Describe it as you currently see it. Do the same for a situation at home.

WORK:

HOME:

2. Now, beginning with the phrase, “listen to the opportunity that came my way the other day”.... Frame the same situations in terms of the opportunities and benefits that were hidden within them.

WORK:

HOME:

“Unfortunate events ,

though potent ia l ly a

source of anger and

despair, have equal

potent ia l to be a

source of spir i tual

growth . Whether or

not th is is the

outcome depends on

your response .”

— Dalai Lama

4

“ U s e J u d g e m e n t , D o n ’ t M a k e J u d g e m e n t . ” — Evan Enklemann

1. How can you use judgement, not make judgement?

2. Can you recall a situation where you made a judgement when you should have used judgement?

3. Discuss how you could have done it differently and what effect that would have had.

4. List a few situations where your perceptions and consequent judgements have proved wrong.

5. What were you seeing at that time in the other person? In other words, what did you ‘see’ with your eyes and senses?

“We don’ t see , we

perceive and judge .”

— Author unknown

5

“The most important

conversat ion you wi l l

ever have is the one

you have wi th

yoursel f ” .

—Anonymous

“Here is my secret .

I t ’ s qui te s imple

real ly. One sees

c lear ly only wi th

the heart . Anything

essent ia l i s invis ib le

to our eyes .”

— Antoine de

Saint Exupery,

The Little Prince

6. What would your heart have ‘seen’ in this case if you were looking through your heart?

7. What are some of the filters through which you pass all the information that comes into your brain? Discuss this with your partner (e.g. I am unlucky; I am a failure; I’ll never get promoted; I’ll never understand this).

8. Are they still appropriate for your current circumstances?

6

O p e n Y o u r H e a r t

Remember the Holeman Hunt story - the door to our hearts can only be opened

from the inside. We need to open our hearts to others in order to really connect

with them and we certainly need to see with our hearts to be better leaders.

1. Recall situations when your heart may have been closed and others when it was open. Describe the differences in the overall interaction and outcome between the two.

2. In terms of loving others, where did you learn to give love?

3. What did your parents/family do to make you feel Loved?

4. At home with your family, ask the question, “What do I do that makes you feel that I love you?”

“People don’t care how

much you know until

they know how

much you care.”

— Linden Wood

7

5. What do you think your family will answer?

6. Now, write what they actually answered.

7. This question is relevant at work if you use it in terms of recognition... “What do I do that makes you feet I appreciate the contribution you make?” Or “What do I do that makes you feel that the work you are doing is acknowledged?” People at work still need to feel you care! You may not need to love them, but you need to care about them.

8. How do you think your colleagues, subordinates and leaders may answer to either of these questions?

9. Now, write what they actually answered.

8

C h a n g e Y o u r B e h a v i o r

Remember all communication is in loops and the only person you

can control is you! You change if you want the situation to change.

1. List some behaviors that you think are a demonstration of good character in the people with whom you work.

2. Is there anything that you would change in your behavior if you believed that someone else was watching you?

3. Another way of checking this is to ask yourself... ”Would I like to see my behavior reported on the 6 o’clock news?”

4. List a few situations where you need to change: To prevent yourself from being upset by others.

To turn difficult situations around.

5. What specific changes do you need to make?

“Character is doing

the r ight th ing even

when nobody e lse

is looking.”

— H.Jackson

Brown Jr.

“ We must BE the

change we wish to

see in the world .”

— Mahatma

Ghandi

9

C r e a t e P o s i t i v e S e l f T a l k

1. What do you say to yourself that programs you negatively?

2. What can you say to yourself instead of the above to make sure you are more positive or encouraging to and about yourself.

You control what goes on in your head and you can reprogram the old patterns if you pay attention and use discipline. HINT: If this is difficult for you, put a loose rubber band around your wrist. When you are aware of negative self-talk, pull the rubber band out from your wrist and let it snap back. It should sting a little! Done consistently, this soon trains your mind to stop thinking negatively. Be careful, this is a gentle reminder technique, not something to harm you! Where possible stay away from negative people, negative language and behavior.... it’s contagious! 3. “IF YOU SAY SO”.... How could this phrase be useful in your life at work and at home?

4. To whom would you say it?

“Let negat ive

people be lonely !”

— Ken Wright

10

L e a r n t o L i s t e n

1. Where would you be on a scale of listening if 5 represented an excellent listener and 1 represented a very poor listener?

2. Ask your colleague to give you an honest idea of where they would rate you..... does it match?

3. Ask a family member to rate you as well..... does this match?

4. What can you do differently to be a skilled listener - and really hear what people are feeling or need, not just what they say?

5. When you are listening, are you ‘present’ with the person? Is your focus with and on them or are you thinking about something else?

6. List five ways you can become an ‘active’ listener.

REMEMBER to ask questions frequently - you will find out more, and they will like and respect you more.

“Deep l is tening from

the heart is one

hal f o f t rue

communicat ion .

Speaking from the

heart is the other

hal f . ”

— Sara Paddison,

Hidden Power

of the Heart

1 2 3 4 5

POOR EXCELLENT

11

T a m e Y o u r S p a r k l y B i t s

Non-verbal communication is 80-93% of everything

we communicate.

1. At work what are your “sparkly bits” saying to others with whom you have difficulty relating?

2. What do they say to your leader?

3. Describe a specific situation with a person at work with whom you do not “get along.”

4. What were your “sparkly bits” saying to the other person during this interaction?

5. What could your “sparkly bits” have said, i.e. what could you have said to yourself to improve that interaction?

“Listen wi th your eyes

for feel ings .”

— Steven Covey,

The Seven

Habits of Highly

Effective People

12

6. How will you change what you say to yourself the next time you interact with this person?

7. When and with whom would you need to do the “flick the stuff” exercise to help you regain a balanced state?

8. Do you need to flick the (accumulated) stuff as a ritual before you go home, as an unwind strategy? If you do - when and where will you do it?

9. How and when will this strategy be usefuI in the future? (For example... before meetings, interviews, with certain people and at home)

Hugging is the only

way to get two

people ’s hearts c lose

enough that they

don’ t see each

other ’s faul ts !”

— Source unknown

13

B e a S t r e s s - B u s t e r

With awareness of how you react to stress, you

can choose how you respond to situations and

people, this determines how appropriately your

heart and mind will be able to respond.

“Oh, that’s interesting” elicits a whole new meaning for your body and keeps you

in a much better state to deal with everything.

1. When stressed, what is your immediate reaction? Oh no???! Or something else, or “Oh, that’s interesting!”

2. How you react or respond also determines the reactions of others around you. If you stay calm and breathing, they will too. Describe a situation when you lost your cooI and the effect it had on others.

3. What might have happened if you stayed calm?

“The more tranqui l

a man becomes ,

the greater is

h is success , h is

in f luence , h is power

for good . Calmness

of mind is one of the

beaut i fu l jewels o f

wisdom.”

— James Allen,

As A Man

Thinketh

14

M a k e M e F e e l S p e c i a l

“Make me feel special” is a strategy that Mary Kay Ash taught all her sales

pupils. Instead of using the idea of a button as she did, I suggest you

“see” a banner across the forehead of everyone you meet that says “Make

me feel special” and that will remind you of just how simple it is to make

another person feel special - which is a great leadership quality. Encouragement

and making someone else feel good inspires them to do better.

1. How do you encourage others? Remember Gary Smalley and his concept of honoring others in relationships. This is the equivalent of respecting others and you cannot be a great leader without respecting and honoring others.

2. Think of the people in your life whom you used to honor and how you may be taking them for granted now - both at work and at home. How can you honor them again?

“People wi l l forget

what you say. They

wi l l forget what you

do. But they wi l l

never forget how you

made them feel .”

— Carl W. Buechner

“Kindness in words creates conf idence , k indness in th inking creates

profoundness , k indness in feel ing creates love .”

— Lao Tzu

15

C e l e b r a t e t h e D i f f e r e n c e s !

1. Describe situations at work where you have noticed the differences in the communication styles between men and women. (Suggested reading: Talking from Nine to Five and You Just Don’t Understandby Deborah Tannen)

2. How would you have changed the way you handled a leadership situation or communicated differently if you had known about the specific differences in the way genders think, communicate, listen, see and respond to conflict or stress?

3. Generally speaking, men are much better than women are at spatiaI orientation. Remember this when giving directions! Can you think of any situations at work or home where this information would have helped you handle a situation better as a leader?

REMEMBER to celebrate the differences between all men and women and between individuals. Your challenge as a Leader is to know yourself well enough and be skilled enough that you can adapt your communication style to match others’ needs.

“Communicate , communicate , communicate — unti l you are s ick of hearing

yoursel f . Then communicate some more .”

— Jack Welch, Former CE0 of General Electric

16

B e A w a r e o f Y o u r T i m i n g

Timing is critical!!

Be aware of the timing - when and where you choose to communicate a message!

1. Recall situations when you did something that could have been more effective done at a better time.

2. Discuss with your partner timing ideas that would have enhanced the outcomes of these situations.

As a leader you have a responsibility in three ways:

1. To yourself, to operate in an ethicaI manner, having trust in your people, displaying honesty and most importantly humility. 2. To achieve company goals, putting the customer first, whilst operating within company vision and values. 3. To be a people manager. Growing and developing your people is critical, you need to win the hearts and minds of your people, provide strategic direction, goals and leadership, while allowing them enough freedom to do their jobs well.

“Life is all about timing

... the unreachable,

becomes the reachable,

the unavailable

becomes the available,

the unattainable... the

attainable. Have the

patience, wait it out...

it’s all about timing.”

— Stacey Charter

17

T h e B l u e R i b b o n S t o r y : W h o Y o u a r e M a k e s a D i f f e r e n c e

A teacher in New York decided to honor each of her seniors in high school by telling them the difference that they each made. She called each student to the front of the class, one at a time. First she told each of them how they had made a difference to her and the class.

Then she presented each of them with a blue ribbon imprinted with gold letters, which read. “Who I Am Makes a Difference.”

Afterwards, the teacher decided to do a class project to see what kind of impact recognition would have on a community. She gave each of the students three more ribbons and instructed them to go out and spread this acknowledgment ceremony. Then they were to follow up on the results, see who honored whom and report back to the class in about a week.

One of the boys in the class went to a junior executive in a nearby company and honored him for helping him with his career planning. He gave him a blue ribbon and put it on his shirt just above his heart.

Then he gave the junior executive two extra ribbons and said. “We’re doing a class project on recogni-tion, and we’d like you to go and find somebody to honor, give them a blue ribbon, then give them the extra blue ribbon so they can acknowledge a third person to keep this acknowledgment ceremony going. Then please report back to me and tell me what happened.”

Later that day the junior executive went in to see his boss, who had been noted, by the way, as being kind of a grouchy fellow. He sat his boss down and he told him that he deeply admired him for being a creative genius.

The boss seemed very surprised. The junior executive asked him if he would accept the gift of the blue ribbon and would he give him permission to put it on him. His surprised boss said, “Well, sure.” The junior executive took the blue ribbon and placed it right on his boss’s jacket above his heart.

As he gave him the last extra ribbon, he said, “Would you do me a favor? Would you take this extra ribbon and pass it on by honoring somebody else? The young boy who first gave me these ribbons is doing a project in school and we want to keep this recognition ceremony going to find out how it affects people.”

That night the boss came home to his 14-year-old son and sat him down. He said. “The most incredible thing happened to me today. I was in my office and one of the junior executives came in and told me he admired me and gave me a blue ribbon for being a creative genius.

“Imagine. He thinks I’m a creative genius. Then he put this blue ribbon that says, ‘Who I Am Makes a Dif-ference’ on my jacket above my heart. He gave me an extra ribbon and asked me to find somebody else to honor. As I was driving home tonight, I started thinking about whom I would honor with this ribbon and I thought about you.

“I want to honor you. My days are really hectic and when I come home I don’t pay a lot of attention to you. Sometimes I scream at you for not getting good enough grades in school and for your bedroom be-ing a mess, but somehow tonight, I just wanted to sit here and, well, just let you know that you do make a difference to me. Besides your mother, you are the most important person in my life. You’re a great kid and I love you!”

Who I Am Makes a

Difference

18

The startled boy started to sob and sob, and he couldn’t stop crying. His whole body shook. He looked up at his father and said through his tears. “Dad, earlier tonight I sat in my room and wrote a letter to you and Mom explaining why I had killed myself and asking you to forgive me. I was going to commit suicide tonight after you were asleep. I just didn’t think that you cared at all. The letter is upstairs. I don’t think I need it after all.”

His father walked upstairs and found a heartfelt letter full of anguish and pain. The envelope was addressed, “Mom and Dad.”

The boss went back to work a changed man. He was no longer a grouch but made sure to let all his employees know that they made a difference. The junior executive helped several other young people with career planning and never forgot to let them know that they made a difference in his life... one being the boss’s son.

And the young boy and his classmates learned a valuable lesson. Who you are DOES make a difference.

If you have anyone who means a lot to you or someone you want to lead well, give them a ribbon, give him or her this message and let them know they make a difference. You never know what kind of difference you can make with a little encouragement and recognition.

Originally this story was sent to me in an e-mail - but it had no source. I have since found out that

an extraordinary woman called Helice Bridges wrote this story in the first “Chicken Soup for the

Soul” book. It is a true story and she has created a global organization called, “Difference Makers

International.” Her belief is that “United People Make a Difference” and her energy and passion for

making a difference is amazing. She is the designer of the “Who I Am Makes a Difference” global

campaign teaching children of all ages how to unite communities for positive change.

Make sure you visit the website that Helice Bridges has created: http://www.blueribbons.org A n d s t a r t m a k i n g a d i f f e r e n ce t o d a y !

1. List the people to whom you will give your ribbons to and why?

SUGGESTED READING:

Charisma - Cats and Dogs by Michael Grinder, www.michaelgrinder.com

“You never know what

k ind of d i f ference

you can make with a

l i t t le encouragement

and recognit ion .”

— Helice Bridges

“We are in love with the

influence of power,

when we should really

be in love with the

power of influence.”

— Michael Grinder

To contact Amanda Gore’s office for more materials, information or for extra symbols to use along with the workbook,

please email Head2Heart Pty Ltd at admin@amandagore.com or visit: www.amandagore.com

Recognise Connect Inspire

LEAD OUT LOUD“Amanda Gore breaks the mould from traditional leadership

training, the message is simple, extremely effective and easy to duplicate. Watching the video, along with the workbook, can be life changing for

the team both professionally and personally.”— Michele Croker, Vice President Distributor Services

Herbalife International of America Inc.

To contact Amanda Gore’s office for more materials, information or for extra symbols to use along with the workbook,

please email Head2Heart Pty Ltd at admin@amandagore.com or visit: www.amandagore.com

Lead Out Loud is about creating a positive spirit, communication and leadership — whetherprofessionally (leading others), personally (leading yourself) or parental (leading your family and children) — and how to do it better!

Use this workbook in combination with the video to develop practical skills which will enable you to be a better leader both personally and professionally. You can share the “Lead Out Loud Kit” with a group in your workplace or at home with the family.

There are a number of ways you can utilize this workbook and the video: Watch the video, pausing as you go along to allow time for the appropriate exercises. Watch the video and use the workbook as a summary at the end. Select some issues on the video in relation to your particular workplace or family and discuss them along with the relevant ideas in this book.

This workbook acts as a framework for subtle communication factors and character qualities that are critical for great leadership. So watch the video, distribute the symbols, engage in the activities and reinforce the message of “Lead Out Loud.”

Oh yes, make sure you laugh and have fun!

ENJOY!