Lauren Miller Final Upload · Yelp - review and rate your service GrubHub - rate your experience...
Transcript of Lauren Miller Final Upload · Yelp - review and rate your service GrubHub - rate your experience...
COURAGEOUS CONVERSATIONS
L A U R E N C . M I L L E R
#INBOUND19 @LAUREN_COLETTE
BILBAO DESIGN
LAUREN C. MILLERLeadership Coach & Instructor
THANK YOU for being here! (This is important stuff)
• Consulting background - Program management, Change management
• Experience Design - Learning & Development
• Leadership Coach for MBA & PhD students
• Executive Coach, Independent Consultant
• Faculty - Tepper School of Business & Integrated Innovation Institute
#INBOUND19@INBOUND@LAUREN_COLETTE LAURENCMILLER.COM [email protected] LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LAURENCOLETTE
#INBOUND19@INBOUND@LAUREN_COLETTE LAURENCMILLER.COM [email protected] LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LAURENCOLETTE
WE ACTUALLY LOVE GIVING FEEDBACK
Twitter - likes, retweetsInstagram - likesUber/Lyft - rate your driverTripAdvisor - rate your hotelYelp - review and rate your serviceGrubHub - rate your experienceAppStore - rate the appAmazon product review - rate your productNetflix - rate the movieFitBit - let me know how I’m doingScreenTime - let me know how I’m doing
#INBOUND19@INBOUND@LAUREN_COLETTE LAURENCMILLER.COM [email protected] LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LAURENCOLETTE
BUT, WHAT’S THE THEME?
Proprietary & Confidential | Lauren C Miller
Twitter - likes, retweetsInstagram - likesUber/Lyft - rate your driverTripAdvisor - rate your hotelYelp - review and rate your serviceGrubHub - rate your experienceAppStore - rate the appAmazon product review - rate your productNetflix - rate the movieFitBit - let me know how I’m doingScreenTime - let me know how I’m doing
#INBOUND19@INBOUND@LAUREN_COLETTE LAURENCMILLER.COM [email protected] LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LAURENCOLETTE
BUT, WHAT’S THE THEME?
Proprietary & Confidential | Lauren C Miller
Twitter - likes, retweetsInstagram - likesUber/Lyft - rate your driverTripAdvisor - rate your hotelYelp - review and rate your serviceGrubHub - rate your experienceAppStore - rate the appAmazon product review - rate your productNetflix - rate the movieFitBit - let me know how I’m doingScreenTime - let me know how I’m doing
All are feedback mechanisms
None involve human interaction
None are conversations
#INBOUND19@INBOUND@LAUREN_COLETTE LAURENCMILLER.COM [email protected] LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LAURENCOLETTE
WE KNOW FEEDBACK IS IMPORTANT
o Feedback helps us learn, grow, and be more successful.o If delivered properly, it shows you care about the other’s success.
Trust &Psychological Safety Collaboration
& InnovationImproved Performance Outcomes
Better Business Results
Learning & Development
Proprietary & Confidential | Lauren C Miller
William Larimer Mellon, Founder
SO WHY DON’T WE DO IT?
Why do we avoid the conversation?Why is it easier to do on an app?
#INBOUND19@INBOUND@LAUREN_COLETTE LAURENCMILLER.COM [email protected] LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LAURENCOLETTE
GIVING FEEDBACK CREATES A TENSION
We want to help the person learn,
grow, improve
We don’t want tobe temporarily uncomfortable
(fear of the unknown)
Proprietary & Confidential | Lauren C Miller
#INBOUND19@INBOUND@LAUREN_COLETTE LAURENCMILLER.COM [email protected] LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LAURENCOLETTE
GIVING FEEDBACK CREATES A TENSION
Proprietary & Confidential | Lauren C Miller
We want to learn, grow,
improve
We want to be accepted and
appreciated for who we are now
(fear of rejection)
#INBOUND19@INBOUND@LAUREN_COLETTE LAURENCMILLER.COM [email protected] LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LAURENCOLETTE
GIVING FEEDBACK IS TOUGH, BUT…
o 69% of employees said they would work harder if they received more feedback (Gallup).
o Leaders who gave honest feedback were rated five times more effective than ones who do not (Forbes, 2013).
As a leader, not giving feedback is more harmful than giving constructive feedback
#INBOUND19@INBOUND@LAUREN_COLETTE LAURENCMILLER.COM [email protected] LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LAURENCOLETTE
OUR OWN FEAR IS HOLDING US BACK
#INBOUND19@INBOUND@LAUREN_COLETTE LAURENCMILLER.COM [email protected] LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LAURENCOLETTE
OUR OWN FEAR IS HOLDING US BACK
Our own fear is holding others back
#INBOUND19@INBOUND@LAUREN_COLETTE LAURENCMILLER.COM [email protected] LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LAURENCOLETTE
WHAT IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF FEAR?
Discomfort
Dread
Fear
Anxiety
#INBOUND19@INBOUND@LAUREN_COLETTE LAURENCMILLER.COM [email protected] LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LAURENCOLETTE
WHAT IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF FEAR?
Discomfort
Dread
Fear
Anxiety Defensive behavior
#INBOUND19@INBOUND@LAUREN_COLETTE LAURENCMILLER.COM [email protected] LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LAURENCOLETTE
WHAT IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF FEAR?
Discomfort
Dread
Fear
Improved Performance
Better Outcomes
Engaged Teams
Anxiety
Courage
Confidence
Resilience
#INBOUND19@INBOUND@LAUREN_COLETTE LAURENCMILLER.COM [email protected] LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LAURENCOLETTE
A REFRAME IS NEEDED
Difficult Conversations
Instead of…FearUncomfortableChallengingToughTelling, directing
Courageous Conversations
Proprietary & Confidential | Lauren C Miller
Think of…IntegrityVulnerabilityAuthenticityCollaborationLeadershipProvoking learning - Growth mindsetCreating dialogueCultural transformation
#INBOUND19@INBOUND@LAUREN_COLETTE LAURENCMILLER.COM [email protected] LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LAURENCOLETTE
SHOWING UP WITH GOOD INTENT IS COURAGEOUS
This is not about being punitive.This is about investing in others’ success.
Proprietary & Confidential | Lauren C Miller
#INBOUND19@INBOUND@LAUREN_COLETTE LAURENCMILLER.COM [email protected] LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LAURENCOLETTE
SAYING WHAT NO ONE ELSE WILL SAY IS COURAGEOUS
One of the most valuable things you can do for someone is tell them exactly what no one else has told them before.- Karen May, VP People Development, Google
Proprietary & Confidential | Lauren C Miller
#INBOUND19@INBOUND@LAUREN_COLETTE LAURENCMILLER.COM [email protected] LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LAURENCOLETTE
LET’S TALK ACTION
o Show, don’t tell
o Inquiry, not advocacy
Proprietary & Confidential | Lauren C Miller
#INBOUND19@INBOUND@LAUREN_COLETTE LAURENCMILLER.COM [email protected] LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LAURENCOLETTE
SBI FRAMEWORK
I
SITUATION BEHAVIOR IMPACT
BS
The specific situation you are giving feedback
about.
The behavior you noticed in that specific situation.
The direct impact of the behavior.
adapted from Center for Creative Leadership
#INBOUND19@INBOUND@LAUREN_COLETTE LAURENCMILLER.COM [email protected] LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LAURENCOLETTE
SBI FRAMEWORK
IBS
adapted from Center for Creative Leadership
Sparks behavior change
SITUATION BEHAVIOR IMPACTThe specific situation you
are giving feedback about.
The behavior you noticed in that specific situation.
The direct impact of the behavior.
#INBOUND19@INBOUND@LAUREN_COLETTE LAURENCMILLER.COM [email protected] LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LAURENCOLETTE
WHAT THIS IS NOT
Proprietary & Confidential | Lauren C Miller
This is not about giving everyone a piece of your mind (TELLING)
This is about SHOWING the impact / consequences of their behavior
Let’s see it in action.
John, can we talk about the deadline
last Tuesday?
More effective than saying…. “You’ve got to get your reports in on time.”
You have a regular call with your customer every Tuesday. John, a member of your team, is responsible for getting analytics reporting done by Tuesday morning, so everyone has up-to-date data ready to go for the call.
S B ISituation Behavior Impact
I didn’t receive your report by the deadline
we agreed on.
Because of this, I wasn’t able to update the
customer. This affected both the team’s progress
and the customer’s confidence in us.
Proprietary & Confidential | Lauren C Miller
Part 2
John, can we talk about the deadline
last Tuesday?
More effective than saying…. “Thanks, great job!”
S B ISituation Behavior Impact
I noticed that when you were finished with your report, you asked if you could help the team by
picking up any additional tasks.
Because of this, we really impressed the customer. Your extra effort really
pulled the team together.
Proprietary & Confidential | Lauren C Miller
You have a regular call with your customer every Tuesday. John, a member of your team, is responsible for getting analytics reporting done by Tuesday morning, so everyone has up-to-date data ready to go for the call.
Let’s try it out.
Andy, an employee on your team, is incredibly smart, a subject matter in his field, and hits his metrics every quarter. The problem is, no one wants to work with him because he’s got an arrogant attitude, works in isolation, and consistently complains.
At yesterday’s team brainstorming session, he interrupted another team member, and voiced that the person’s idea was “the dumbest thing he’s ever heard”. It immediately shifted the mood in the room.
You’re sensing the team’s growing impatience with Andy.
Proprietary & Confidential | Lauren C Miller
SITUATION BEHAVIOR IMPACTThe specific situation you are giving feedback about.
The behavior you noticed in that specific situation.
The direct impact of the behavior.
#INBOUND19@INBOUND@LAUREN_COLETTE LAURENCMILLER.COM [email protected] LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LAURENCOLETTE
AFTER THE “I” : INQUIRY, NOT ADVOCACY
SITUATION BEHAVIOR IMPACT
BS
The specific situation you are giving feedback about.
The behavior you noticed in that specific situation.
The direct impact of the behavior.
INQUIRYOpen-ended questions to encourage learning.
B I I
adapted from Peter Senge
#INBOUND19@INBOUND@LAUREN_COLETTE LAURENCMILLER.COM [email protected] LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LAURENCOLETTE
AFTER THE “I” : INQUIRY, NOT ADVOCACY
SITUATION BEHAVIOR IMPACT
BS
The specific situation you are giving feedback about.
The behavior you noticed in that specific situation.
The direct impact of the behavior.
INQUIRYOpen-ended questions to encourage learning.
B I I
adapted from Peter Senge
#INBOUND19@INBOUND@LAUREN_COLETTE LAURENCMILLER.COM [email protected] LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LAURENCOLETTE
INQUIRY CREATES DIALOGUE
• “What’s your perspective?”
• “What did you notice?”
• “What could we do differently next time?”
• “Why do you think that happened?”
• “What ideas do you have to make this better for everyone?”
• “What ideas do you have on how to get back on track?”
• “What can we do about this so it doesn’t happen again?”
Ask. Listen.Help your team come up with their own specific solutions.
#INBOUND19@INBOUND@LAUREN_COLETTE LAURENCMILLER.COM [email protected] LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LAURENCOLETTE
TIPS AND TRICKSo Specificity.o Timeliness.o 1 piece of feedback at a time. (“you always”)o Behaviors, not traits. (“you are”)o Check your intent: Difficult or courageous?
o Do you want to be right or do you want to help this person succeed?o Go from “I/You” to “We”.o Be future-oriented. (“Next time, let’s….” )o We don’t know what we don’t know.o Practice out loud. o Performance reviews are different.
Proprietary & Confidential | Lauren C Miller
#INBOUND19@INBOUND@LAUREN_COLETTE LAURENCMILLER.COM [email protected] LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LAURENCOLETTE
1 MINUTE REFLECTION
o Think of 1 person who needs constructive feedback. Jot down your SBI2.o Think of 1 person who needs positive feedback. Jot down your SBI or SBI2.
o Maybe that person can be me. Tweet/instagram/email me feedback about today’s presentation. If you’re really brave, come up and SAY it!
o Will you be courageous? Or will fear hold you back?
#INBOUND19@INBOUND@LAUREN_COLETTE LAURENCMILLER.COM [email protected] LINKEDIN.COM/IN/LAURENCOLETTE
GO FORTH & BE COURAGEOUS
o LaurenCMiller.com
o Download slides from today
o Follow up webinar on Receiving Feedback (FREE)- sign up
o Does your entire team need to hear this? Let's talk.
o Leadership Coaching spots now open for October!
Proprietary & Confidential | Lauren C Miller
15% off with code INBOUND