[Kelly, John] 1730 the Helter Skelter Way of Writing (Ocr)

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Thumb, Tom. The helter skelter way of writing: or, a new method of cri ticism. ... Towhich is added, ... Tom Thumb’s touch upon the hard word etymology: ... London,

1730. 60pp. Literature and Language

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eba JU T rade{me1J, Gfmtlemen and fucIr

like who according to (oOle People ,:; Opi

nion, that one , Olud t1:iink 1hould know, are

deem d a Sett of meet Ttafh; a low Degree

of working Fellows: acourfe ~ : i r l h e l l · Ware

fott of Men, who tlie way of Cd1ttab..

p tn love Meaning, becauie their Fortunes

21 e rtlett l ~ ~ i r Wea.ltIi being licentiouHy

expended in filthy Induftty for the Benefit of

others; a fort ofSCrubs) who enJoy ROl1rJUr

without an Efhtte, and ate Nobiemen with ;

out a Title; in iliort, they are a fort ot

rretcbes

who for

thejr

Poverty

are

out

of

~ a b i o n at prefent to c 6 n v e r f ~ with. ,But

Timothy WrOlJ .hetul, Efq; who too often

thinks his Judgment better tb?-n any.otJmo s,

and being a great Lover of Et}7fJ()log;y, was

endeavouring to prove there is- a Dilfe.

tence between what fome FQ.lks call tIt Per-

{on 6f 2J ality and N )b f1fRll1l, affirming

that the latter tho ne ier fo are the

beft of P f ) ~ l e in the Uni\ erfe, and

gave me the follOWing Opinion of hisFamily

jn few Words upon t Tbey fay every No

bleman

is

a

Perfon

o(

Q ~ ~ l i t y

in

Equity,

whereas every Per/on tf2PdlitJcannot be

made a NobJetnliR i the Law Of Nature ha-

v j b ~ put in fa :many Caveats and ~ r s a

gainft it in the begetting of tbem. To w.hich

they a-<lderl endeavouring tq proVeaNoble-:

man mote lQbe efieem d ,than a p ~ r ~



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Source Citation: Thumb, Tom. The helter skelter way of writing: or, a new method of

criticism. ... To which is added, ... Tom Thumb’s touch upon the hard word etymology: ... The

whole collected from the Politician’s Smoaking Journal, ... By Tom Thumb, ... Supervis’d and

corrected by Will Blunderbuss ... London, 1730. Eighteenth Century Collections Online. Gale

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L



•

•

\

.

.

. .

•

•

.

~

LT R

SK LT R

I ••

OR>

w ethodof ~ r i t i i f m

.... \}

; c

••

•

•



• •

. .

. f-

•

u l Puhli./hetl, Pritzted for W. Trott in Ru

reI-Court, Drury-Lane.

TH E Forced Virgin; or the Utmatural

Mother. A true ~ e c r e t Hifiory.

. . Bow /franfc a Riddle Pirtue-,is

. W . _ _ ~ _

They nC Z er mi{s it who poffifs 120t

nd

they who

batt:e

it

ever fi12d

a

Wmzt.

Rochefter s l e n t ~

(Price One Shilling.)·

•

• •

. .

.

,

. . .

\ . ' ......

.

Anfwer to Mr. Pope s Preface to Shake ;

{pear. In a Letter to a Friend. Being a

Vindication of the Old ACtors who were, the

Pubiifhers ~ l D d Performers that A u t h o r ~ i P l 3 y s

Vhereby the

Errors

of

their

Edition

are

fur

ther accounted for, .and r O I l ~ Memoirs of Shake

[pear and Stage Hifioryof his Time are i n f e r t ~

cd w h i ~ h were never befQre colletted. and pub

liihed: Bya StioliIlg Playe r . ; : . ; L, .

Say

from

wbat

Cart{e

(by

all

cOlldemn d

mzd

curft

Still Bays the Sec011d.rails like Baysth e:Fiijl•.

Right reading of the IJu11ciad 1 ariorumrrom

a

Manufcript (revifed and

collated

by

this

Au

..

thor) which is

il1ttrpolated by the laft Editor.

Price One S h i l l i n ~



T

LT R SKELTER

W Y OF

R I T N

OR A

e v

etho

of

CRITICISM

..

Very awkwardly imitating the HENLEAN MAN

NER; with feveral Words to the Wife the Yel]

11 ZJe, and the TYiJefl of All.

Being

a few unaccountable Refleetions, Chymi

·

call)T endeavouring to ex raCl: SOMETHING out of

NOTHING: Together wIth theConundrumsofTi

mothy TYrollghead Do[for PlI :z.lepate, •and Trill BlmI

derbzifs Coflee-Houfe Politicians, U1 on the unfor

tunate Title and Dramatis PerJol19. of M Mus

not

happening

to

Chime

with tbe Times.

To which is added,

At the Beginning (according to the polite Stile of

Scribbling) TOM THUMB S Touch upon the Hard Word

ETYMOLOGY: With [ome Scraps of its Nature for the;

better underfianding a fajIJio12able lJialeCl o Wo R D S

without

.J1ealzi12g

and

Hieroglypbicks.

T W OL

ColleCted from the Politician s Smoaking JOllnral 2nd

adapted to the prefeilt EpicllretllZ Tafte of tbe I o ~ 9 , l 1 •

•

13y TOM T HUM B, Secretary, lately. arriv d from the

Cape of Good Hope in the Egg-Sbcll-Facquet :Boat.

p

•

Supervis d ancl { r r e a ~ d by WlLL L U ~ E R U S S

of Addle-1m2 Efq; onc of the Society.

.

L 0 N J 0 Printed for w: Trott, .in RttJ/el COllrt y

nrztrJ Lmlf. 1 i SO Pnce I s

•



T

L T R S K L T R

WAY OF

IN

OR, A

New Method of Criticifm:

•

Some Mm are [afer ill {fealiJ g Hor/c,

tha1l others in looki7 g Over Hedge.

Mother S P TO N IS Proph•

•

-..

:

d.

.

.

H:e a ~ o v e Old,/ayi?lg and t r u ~

one, fudl ferve in tead of

tin Motto; and: rpreface. ~

for a V e d i ~ a t i o l J omit it for

\

qvo, Reafons

;

Ftr/l,

to

accom;..

p ~ i 1 h my De6gn of r i i n ~ n g ,the B o o k f e H e r ~

- a c9mmon Practice among ORr A oil ef Z

. , : ; Amhon.

•



Alltbors,) who will. find fome Difficulty in

difpofiflg

of this

Pamphlet

without having

its beginning grac d with the numerous Titles

of fome great ~ 1 1 Secondly, contidering

that fuch great DOllS are too niggardly to

aft otherways than like their Anceftor DiveS

to azarm; and, aflly the remaining Part

o

the

Country

being

too

much

impoverlfh d

to have it in their Power to behave according

to their innate Generofity. All which being too

pol ihl annot think it prudent to give my

felf th unneceifary Trouble of fo much Flat

tery,

as

is

requir d

to.

give

fome

Mena good

Charaaer, or fo much lofs of Time where

nothing is to be get. Therefore, without

Ceremony I fhall begin the Touch I pro.

pored upon Etymolog) , Cr

V

T

in

the

Name

of

onder the Ante :

•

tlilzlOitl11 Gc try, or the old Hll1Jxes their

De{cendants, meant by tranfmiuing to Po·

fierity their Hiercglyphicks, and fnch curfed

bard \Vords, for as Etymology and fuch like,

I

cannot

tell:

Unlefs they

did it

by

way

of

fetting us either a Greek-Riddle,

or Cantab.

Pzm, with Explanations much more dificult

to confirue, than the Riddle or Pun it felf.

TeUlng us at the fame me, that whoever

could

underfiand what: was not to under

flood, would be enabled

in

the

Twinkling

ot

: Bed-ftatf to unravel the Myfiery of ~

. . . i r i ~ ~

•

•



Reries :and Derivation of all Derivations

for

thefpeedy refolving

all

Cramboes;

rooting the

meaning from their moll: obfcure Caverns; :1nd

making their atioof this that ?ud t other;

clear as the u at Noon-day provided the

.Weather was not cloudYA

. T H Difadvantages Etymology lahours

under · feem to be ·owingfirfl to the

length

of Tiine it has been us d and ought to

thrown away for that ~ a f o n rho never f

good: Seeol/dly,

the

Prevailing Party of

Troopees cry Ollt That tis a Shame any hard

\\ ords contriv d by your nafry filthy old Fel-

lows who cariles Hinking out of the. Ark

1bould be mingled in this 01tr{o much im-

proved

Age,

with

their

fublime z w

faugled

Phra cs,. more nicely adaptedforadreffingthe

Ladies being of a fofter Nature and tender

like the Heads and .Hearts of their loving

Orators. And Thirdly altho the Gr £ciaus

have

been

accounted

a wife and grave

People; yet no Part of their DialeCt can be

thought entertainigg to a Sett whofe Heads

are turned more to their own Gngular Plea :

, -

fures than to make Camels of

t h e m f e l e s ~

and bear fuch beaflly Loads of Thought for

the

good of the Public. And as neither

EtymolofJ or any other Words having their

Deriviltion from that\vife People are at p t e ~

fent either regarded or nnderfiood but y

a



,

a few good for nothing \Vretches as -our

Modems call them:) There ought to

be

a

general Regulation) a n ~ no Words admitted

but thofe of a more f0t?thing Accent, fnch as

~ O U 1 1 d s Dam-ye Rot-ye c. and {hch

like; neverthelefs, I c,annot- help thinking,

that the \Vords Etymology ltlomus and

_

many

-other-s

of

their

kind, tho

difiiked

-

by

fome Perfons,) are very good \Vords: And I

do verily believe were they fet to lialian

Airs, compofed by Seigr. . . and

fung in Recitavio by a feleet Number of

o r e i g n e r ~

their Harihnefs would become

fmooth ana fonorous enough, to ravHh a pO

. lite Part of Mankind, Who feem to have

very little Efteem, if any, for the Significa

tion of \Vords. Such- PerfoDS being general

ly found condemning of many for haviOJ

too mach meaning, and preferring thefe

which have iu their Sen/e Jp mum; le at

all The latter being malt agreable to

their own Parts of Speech, which is pretty

evident, efpecially -when they make Pro

mifes;

either

Firft

to

pay

their

jnft

Debts,

or Secolldly in their Prologues to love Affairs,

or Thirdly when tbey have faid any thing

tending to the Reliefof their neceffitous Pe.

titioners, who. n ~ d ily at their. evy to

fome difmal Tune, The following Words, of

good my Lord, what d y call- em,

Dear my Lord, or Pray my Lord; to which

~



s

they add amofr difcreet Chorus w h ~ i n i s

blundered out that charming Word Nete[

fity

which

Burden

cannot

fail ruiting

my

LQrd to a Hair being a Word entirely void

Qf Signification to his IJonjhip and there

fore the more liked And his Honour to »

even with them takes particular Care that

fuch

his

Suppliants

may

not

be prevented

lofing

their Time nor the Opportunity of repeating

it to him and all the Town often ana

as long s Time and: Patience will

permit them. During which p p l i c a t i o l ~

my

Lord tofhow

his

Affability anfwersthent

with an unconcern d Air in their ravHhing

Dialect of Dear Madam fuch a Otie good

Mr. ff hat-d y-call- em and Dear ack I

beg you ll make no more Words pray make

no

Words

Lord Lord

what

fig12iff

lfords

which I think is no fmall ftroke on the Per·

··rycraniZfm of Etymology.

I N fuort rich Men will not take Timt

to

give themfelves

the Trouble

of

diving

i n ~

to the EtrymolofJ of fuch Words as promif.

cd ttp l ry Bonottr ; and bad t h ~ y Time

from their Pleafilres their Policy is much tQ

be commended. For if the Stubboi fl

School-Boy had fo much Wit as not to

read any

farther

in his Horn-book that l

great A knOWing if he read B that his

~ f i r would make him read all the other

Letter



6

,

•

Letters; why then fuould. fuch Dim ;r who

are

,accounted

very

wife)

exceeding

great,

a n ~

fuperlatively adorned beyond the other pa.rt ~ f .

Mankind, I fay, why fuould they give t h e m ~

felves the .Fatigue .of going thro the u ~

ber.able Affairs, attending the Performanctf

i

o

done

in

a

friendly

Manner)

of

fo

large a

.fask as belongs to fuch hard Words as I

promi{td upon my H01l0Zlr. No - h

Promifesl of tuch great Dons are as they

pught . to be, they are the Ill-begortel1

Baflards . of their ,Minds, generated a g a i n ~

th Will of their Parents, and are no fooner

born,than tutn d adrift naked into the World;

and not only left to· Starve, theinfelYes, hut

every one. who give them any, Credit, being

never kept by the Perfons who begot them. :

.

. .

,

:

.

:

..

- A ND yet to fhew you how Vords may

be travers d : Thofe of Promi[e and Ho

i]ot r in one Sence fignifie Nothillg, and

in ~ o t l i e r great deal. For tis evident

that

altho

a

Promife

is

no more

thought

.of by,tbe Don that made it than as a meer

Notbiilg, and, actually meant by him as

Nothing, yet , e v ~ r y . Promife he makes eau

Jes a,greaf detitoj Fu{s, and encreafes the

N _ e r ofhis AttendantS; which poor

~ t u r e s mifcopftruing the 1f ord of a

ord for t ~ e Lord s Word, - immediately

leap into C r ~ d u i t y anclin time to their

. ., Sorrow)



,

7

Sorrow) find its EffeCts great deal w9rfe

than

they

imagin d.

Th.ere

is

always

a

gl-eat deal of Ceremony paid to a PrfJmi{e

a ,great deal of Money fpent in attending

it o great deal of Virruous Education fa-

crjficed to it, and in the End, a great deal

of Time loft, by

honefi Men,

who

could,

but for the ~ i n d r a n c e of a Promlfe, have

much better employ d their Hours, tho in

the meaneft State: In wit1Ze[s [f herec1 (as

Friend J3/zmderbzt[s once raid) pray calf your

~ y e s

uron the

lOlny

Ladies

to

whom

fncb

VfJ1J.S have fwore beyond the Invention of

Oaths anLi Prumifes, you ll: tee them all ru-

m d and loft for ever; the Tradefmen wh()

had the Honour to give their V01l/hips Cre-

dit

YOll llfind

become

Bankrupts;

and even

fDear Jack, who had the Pleafl1J e of clang-

ing a long time. ,?ftcr his HOllour, tho but for

an E x c i f e M ~ n \ Place has exhaufted his

fp}endid Shil1ing,and now ci-ie.) Japan Jrmr

s . ~ ( J e s

yoztr

HtJ7Joz£r

in

the

P i a z z a ) C G V 6 l l t ~ G a , . ~

d elz In w h ~ c h human,a.nd mofi l o ~ l e Way of

d ~ t a p p o i n t i n g and ruining their FcllowwCre;a.

t g r ~ , they notjm:yft:em

glory, but daily

fet ,an E x a m p J ~ to ,all I.lankmd follo\v

the:

Paths of

llWir

~ t t e r s a ~

~ h e y

call

them-

felves) fo that in TilT,e,; if providence d O l l ~ t

, u n J ~ c k i 1 y hinder tne ~ w r pf filch excel :

, 1 ~ n ~ P.rinciple , .ther,e w i ) 1 . , l ) ~ i t h e r be EfJ mu-

. / ~ g y ; nor any ,otper, Word ~ e f ~ ,to tignifie a

l tJrtb.iJlg.

:

.

.

C : . •

A - L ~ ~



8 )

,

•

•

-

•

-

•

ALAS Poor E l J t O l o ~ y •z Men

Dem already to be deny'd the Privilege of

th ir own Words, which Words th y have

both bought and paid for ~ t School n.ay;

and enjoy'd the Poffeffion of for many Y e a r s ~

Tis

too plain

our \Vords

are

abus'd y

the

bury and

guilty Men of the Age who in

Coffee-Houfes turn, winde, and mlfconftrue

them from our innocent Meaning, according

to their feveral Occanons; elfe how came it

that the Words Leviathan Cardi110l Wool·

fC la and that plaguing one bzttcndo? w e ~ o

taken fomuch amifs ? For rm fure Levia

than is in the RMJelatioTts Cardinal Wool..

fey in l1aker s Chronicle, and lnttelzdo in all

the beil Dictionaries extant: And yet we

find

thore

bury

Wretches,

thore Mormils

of

the rimes were difgufted at them \Vords:;

bot I think they were as well rewarded {or

their InfoIence, in throwing their J v e l i ~ s

and Jhooting their Arrows at aGreittMim

'they have found to their Coft, that aiming-at

tl1Jook[elltr

like

{hooting

at

the

LMJia

than whole Scales are impregnable,: they

not having any thing for their Labour-hut

Retum of their Fools Bolts, which have juft

'Iy rebounded againft their own Breafts; and

tis

judg'd,

as

the

r o ~ e r b f a y s

That-the;

fl fJU J flt lJtr haec look d for the Vaugbttr

Mi{ehiej in the OtOt l ofScandal hail they

J/e ::fr helD t h ~ r e tbem[rl Pfs. - u eH.



SU omus s as thefe, according to thaif

ne Method

of

Criticifm, you ll find daily

endeavouring to prove Teas to be Nays; and·

NaJ s Teas. They alone enjoy the Art and

Liherty ot Utterance in fuch manner, that

whatever ff ords they fpeak or write, fhall

either

have Meaning, or

no

Meaning,

jufi

as

they pleafe to admit them, which am in

hopes is fully demonfiratcd, in fhewing that

the Word Promi{e with fome Pe::lple iigni

fies, fometimes a Refolution to difappoint

their Friends;

fometimes

a

Joke

and fome

times Nothing; whilft alnong others of a

different Cla.fs their Dollj.bips there is

no Word has a more beautiful Me,:ming, it

being by thein thought to imply a noble Re- ,

folution faithfully to perform

a

charitable

ACt for the Relief iand Support of their re-

quefting, neceffitous Neighbours. in, the moO:

friendly Manner. Neverthelefs ltill we con

fider further, We fhotild not lame

thore

1] 11S

for

their

feveral and

d i f f ~ r e n t

Confiruc-

dons of the Word, whofe Ideas may poffibly

in fome r e f p ~ C t s prove the bell:, for o u g h ~

that

we know: Not does it f e ~ m unlikely

when I fcan the Matter a little better; for I

J i } . u ~ < : > Y n

that

an

InjunCtion

to

perform

c h a . ~

titable A C t s ~ c ~ upon fa f i i n p l ~ a Founda

~ i o n as a, Promife is only a ,Notion cuItiva..;

red am ng YOllt poot ecfjmlicks ftler :

cbal1U



•

•

•

•

chants T radefmm Gelltlenzclz and fuch

like who according to f o ~ e People's Opi

nion,

that one ,, ould

think lnould know, are

ceem'd a Sett of meei' Tra1h; a low Degree

of working Fellows; acoune Earthen-Ware

fotE of Men, who in the way of Cd ltalt

Pm1 love Meaning, becauIe their Fortunes

ate

m tlll ~ e i r \Veaith

being

licentionfly

expended in filthy Induftty for the :Benefit of

others; a fort ofSctubs

j

who enjoy HO/lour

without an Eftate, and ate Noblemen with..:

out a Title; in thort, they are a lort ot

Wretches who for their Poverty are out of

:fathion at

ptefent to coiwerfe

with.

But

Timothy lf7rfJllghead Efq; who too often

thinks his Judgment better t h ~ n any other's,

and being a great Lover of Etymology was

endeavouring to prove there is a great Diffe

rence between what fome Folks call Per-

fon

Qgality

and

Nohlemcl

affirming

that the latter, tho' never fo poor, are the

bell: Clafs of People in the Univer£e, and

gave me the following Opinion ofhis Family

in few Words upon t They fay every· No

bleman is a Perron o( u ~ l i t y in Equity

whereas every

Pnfon

f

2Juility

cannot be

made a NohJimtin; the Law of Nature ha..

~ ~ ~ ~ u t o ~ ~ ~ y ~ v e t s and ~ r s ~ -

gamft It mthe begetting of them. To ~ h ~ c h

they added, endeavouring to prove a o b ~ e ~

man ai more 1 be efreem d than a l?eri>n

•

•

I



t )

of Quality; that fuch Noblemen as they

meant tho not in Statiolzs which fome

Folks call Power yet they pay their Vebts

and erform. their Promf{cs j whereas fuch

Per OilS of f2Jtality as they fpoke of were

never Born with a Spirit great enough to do

either;

concluding

that

the

former

Sort not

being in Power confirm d them in the Truth

of the Saying lJiz. That juch Per[o zs of

f2jeaJit arc miech fafcr in jleaJi11g a Horfe

tbmz itch poor Nohlcmm looki11g wer the

Hedge.

ow right Sqztire WroltgheaiJ s Family

may be in their Sentiments 1hall not pre-

tend even to imagine for the Man himfelf

ha.s

very fuange Notions .

and

I

fllppofe

is

often at Work upon Etymology among his

Tribe, without regarding the celebrated Me-

thods of the two famous Univerftties offound

Learning, whofe accuftom d Charity in Com-

paffion

to

his

Weaknefs

would have

better

mftrutted him . had he ever apply l to them»

but the Opinion he entertains of his own Na·

tural P:; rts makes him think twas never

worth his while. He will wreft ye many:

Meanings

from an

abfolute

Nothbzg and

argue upon the Vords Meal1i12g and ~

J tlea1Ziug fo long till be brings them back

again to the Centre of his Underftanding

which is Notbi/lg: n jufi fo be has done

by



•

•

-

•

f 12 .

by the Words

Nohle1Jul71,and

P

cr/ol1i

of

2Jttt-

hq as I made- him confe1S after his Harangue

was ended; f ~ r he very Frankly told me

that he neither knew nor meant any thing

by either of the. \\Tords, and Only bang d· .

them and other \\Tords to: and -ho for his

Pleafure, as School-Boys do their Shuttle

cocks. - :

A s a farther Specimen of him, I ~ l l

give you not only fome more of his odd

)Ikltions, bnt thofe likewife of his Confede

ates according to an excellent old Simile

that

many have

call d

their own,

Match

tlre otfm ite 1 aiers Tallies.

•

T 5 :Ii1l1f Jy WrfJ1Jgheai

Efq;.with

lyNeighbour 7JlliloT Puzzlepatt, and his

intimate Crony and Counfellor, l f i l l 1 J l ~ f J :

IIslJtJ[.r

o

.lfdtlle

11111>

Efq; are

all

fo

flu-

pidly fond o diving into the Nature true

ffetIfJisg, as t wy call it that I have n v ~ r

Jet mifs d finding them clofely alIembled n

Tripple Alliance at Sir Martin Marr-nlfs

great Pnhlick Houfe near Crail1Jrai1J .iI I,,)

Back-fide of BtthllJl1: Q pital other•

\rite

calrd

:Bellam:

At

which Place

I

had

at nr no fman Diverlion in being now

and- thetl admitted They, ieqlt:

. 1.

;



ly Hand to Fifr contriving, drawing up

Schemes

forming

of Ireaties

pr

propofing

of Articles for the maintaining of Etymology

accordil.)g to its original t a t ~ and ereCting

of l1arriers for the Defence of it, againf : its

dreaded and mof :· potent Enemies, thofe

I,egi< ns of Ioopees and Gad.dem·ye-Sirs

which fort of People they take to be very

dangerous Fellows And poor Wro1zghead

with the ren, not enjoying a Stock of lZ -

fajhio1z d

Lear1li12g

fufficient

either to

ul1der

ftand or engage them, were all like to have

been frighted out of their Wits about it i

yet had they loft the littleWit they po{fefs d)

I can t but fay it would have prov d the fa..

feft

Shelter they could

have

pitch d

upon,

to

hide them from their Enemy s Search j for I m

perfwa,ded thl; Gad-dem-ye-Sirs efpecially,

would never have been able to have diftin-

•

guiJh d em from tl)eir own Party in that

Di(guife,

nor

could their

Speech

betray d

them as Enemies to the Toopees} being with

out Wit. In /hort, thefe Squires and the

DoCtor don t like nor underfrand their Bne..

my s Contrivance of the fum d Powder and

l1alls for a Philofophical Battle ; they don t

approve of Jokes j they faid it look d as

they were thought Fools, and. had never

feen a Battle by way of Argument in good

e rneft Upon

which,

lill

Yllzmderbu{r

recollecting, produced that worthy Piece,

~

•



•

14

the Bilttle the Books

as

a

Prefident,

which

fet th.:m an to Rights; and having fo good

1 a Proof, they immediately-prick d.thatBook

~ w as one of [heir principal Forts

. .

ON i Night I found them very near quar

relling, endeavouring to decide whether

i·

braltar was of the fame Derivation with

Gib/iture or G.ib/itore fynonymol1s with

ibraltar Or further, fhppoling that ii:

bra/tar and Gib/irore were two

different

Places

whether they

lay

contiguous

to

each

other or not; and where they, or either of

them were fituated, lying, or being; or

whether there was, or were not, any fncb.

Plate or PlaGes: All which they mo l learn

edly

argued

upon for fome

time,

till

they

CQocluded with this weighty Opinion, That

either of thofe Names ftgnified any Place,

or two Places, provided its or their Walls

we.re fo hard as either of their ,oint or fepa:

rate

Names [eem d

to

them, that then and

in fuch Cafe it was their joint and feparate

Opinions, aad firong Belief, that fuch Place

or Places neither would, or could, ever be

taken; or either it .or they, fuould or

I Uid

ever

be

tQken,

or took, it

did not

fig

nifie one Fanhing to them,

er

either of

theuJ.: For whereas fueh Place er Places

f ~ fituated far o and as they, ner ei-

ther of them, had ·ever foon either one, the

other)

•



fort of People who generally keep St. 1I 101Z -

itay,

and

fometimes

St.

Tztefday,

lf1edl1C/

day:, Thmfday, and St. Friday, Holy, as

Davs of Contrition and Pennance for their

•

having debauet: d the foregoi ng Szmday.

But this muft fay for em .They labour

very hard the remaining Part of the \Veek

to

make good

their

10fs

of

Time and to

maintain their Families. There is alfo the

Word Craft, or Craftfmall, as commonly

a.ccepted for :Boats, ighters and :Barges

ftp Z the Ri Ver, all which are call d Craft,

and their Owners Craft/mm: But chiefly

this old Word

Craft/matt

feems to have its

Derivation and moll: to be efteem d from

the moO ancient

and celebrated Brotherhood

of ArtJ

mzd Scie12ces, the Free MaJm s.

Squire Wrolzghead, who feem d pleafed

with

a

Defcription

he

had not heard

before;

and ~ i n fet right it encouraged him to

proceed in his ufual bright \ ay, upon the

Dew \Vord which he raid had notwith-

fianding fame Affinity with the old One as

he found by

what the Voflor had mention-

ed

: For that altho

he

did

not

really

intend

that either Shoemakers, Owners of Craft,

or Free Ma[o,zs, fuould have had any Share

in the Que1tion as he £lr put it yet he ne-

verthelefs allow d that his Meaning was to

examine into the Nature of fuch aCraftfma11,

OJho

in

his

Qpinio

knew as

well

Where

t

•



• • •

the Shoe pbzcb'd his C0U11trrymel/s Feet, ~

a ZJ Crifpin of them all. Likewife

could

find

where the

Secret Trea/zere lay

belong-

ing to wreck'd re el, equal to the beft

Vi' Jer among the ater Tribe i and hiLl

ly, whofe political Wifdom could as

faithfully keep a Secret that did not tend

to

the Prejudice

of

JJe;z

Pub,

as

any.

Free

Ma/01z of undoubted Integrity: For, added

the 'Squire, the Craftfmall I mean is as I

.take it, according to Geflcology, without h ~

ing. in the leall: beholding to the Flattery of

a

Herald

·for

a

Pedigree

a

riml

lineally

d e f c e z d ~ d from Czemzi12g-mml, which CZt Z-

1zing-ma1z was the S01J of lfi c }'lall; which

lf if n

was the Son of a COlqzt-rcr, which.

COlzjure.r mull: certainly have been the Son of

fomebody

who

knew

the

'Dc' Jil

and

all.

But

ydu know the Magic there is in fame C01YU

fi zg 1rands, when you are once tlraW1J

within their Circles. Mum-13udget's t h ~

Word of Comma11d; and then what figni6es

the Signification

of

any thing one

could

fay

or do when too often we find that our own

Vords choak us as f on for being. pent

ill;

as for their being utter d improperly er con-

trary to the Z W 'Rules of Criti i/m. , .

ill

1Jlu1zderhzt{s

hearing \vhat

d ~ n g e r o n s

Confequences might attend parap-hrafing

, upon the Word Craftfman, and neither he

; Squire 'Timothy, nor the r.Dotfor, ~ i n g

; vero

,

• • •

the Shoe pbzcb'd his C0U11trrymel/s Feet, ~

a ZJ Crifpin of them all. Likewife

could

find

where the

Secret Treafiere lay

belong-

ing to wreck'd re el, equal to the beft

Vi' Jer among the ater Tribe i and hiLl

ly, whofe political Wifdom could as

faithfully keep a Secret that did not tend

to

the Prejudice

of

JJe;z

Pub,

as

any.

Free

Maf01z of undoubted Integrity: For, added

the 'Squire, the Craftfmall I mean is as I

.take it, according to Geflcology, without h ~

ing. in the leall: beholding to the Flattery of

a

Herald

·for

a

Pedigree

a

riml

lineally

d e f c e z d ~ d from Czemzi12g-mml, which CZt Z-

1zing-ma1z was the S01J of lfi c }'lall; which

lf if n

was the Son of a COlqzt-rcr, which.

COlzjure.r mull: certainly have been the Son of

fomebody

who

knew

the

'Dc' Jil

and

all.

But

ydu know the Magic there is in fame C01YU

fi zg 1rantls, when you are once tlraW1J

within their Circles. Mum-13udget's t h ~

Word of Comma11d; and then what figni6es

the Signification

of

any thing one

could

fay

or do when too often we find that our own

Vords choak us as f on for being. pent

ill;

as for their being utter d improperly er con-

trary to the Z W 'Rules of Criti i/m. , .

ill

1Jlu1zderhzt{s

hearing \vhat

d ~ n g e r o n s

Confequences might attend parap-hrafing

, upon the Word Craftfman, and neither he

; Squire 'Timothy, nor the r.Dotfor, ~ i n g

; vero

,



•

18 )

yer-burden d with Knowledge 1ilfficient

make out clearly what a Craft/mall was

or

who

be

'If.,'as;

fill

was

very

ne r

prov

ing a 'DiJJenter i for he urg d, that fiords

without fleatdug began in his Opinion to

appear tbeJafefl and mail: fajhiolIable m ? t C ~ l g

the f'i[eacres· ill Ejleem; and he did not

know

but he might

greatly mend

his

Cir-

cumfrances y taking a COll ::eiltic e to him

felf where he :lhould ha\ e nothing

further

to do than to choofe Em'fothi umbo for his

ext the itft 'Dol', Chimes (If the· Times

the remaining Part of the \Veek, and colleft

Pellee witbo1 t

Nzt11zber

\Vhich

.Motion

[et

'Sqztire TJ ro71fhead and the VaUnt immedi-

d

ately upon his ba.ck calling him amcrce-

lary fJew-fajhioll'd Fellow, raving like

Madmen left they ihould lofe fo excellent a

Confederate

in

their

purpofed

Alliance

for

the Support of EtymolOfY. But in a fmall

Time their Fears were removed j for TfIi t

1Jlwlderlmfs, whore Fire of Pallion only

flaih d

in the Pan did ·no further Mifchief

than create a little Smoak infignificant as

Tfhijf

of

'Tobacco,

which

foon

vanifued

n all were re·united ; concluding that they

knew no more of the Tf ord Cftljt mmz, than

that they believ d it meant a very CU1Z1Ji zg

lt1an; and that if it was fo they ihould

e very glad to enjoy fuch a One s Opinion

of

an A ~ a i r that once h a p p e l ~ ~ to a l ~ ~ r h r ~ f

•



of them; which Story I had the Favour of

hearing related by themfelves the next Night

to which they adjourn d. .

rH E next Night according to Appoint:-

. ment I did my felf the Honour of meeting

em;

and altho at the beginning

of

the Dif

courfe they c o n f e [ ~ that neither of them

could make any thing of what they were

going to relate yet I propafed to my felf no

fmall Pleafure in hearing what odd Notions

fame People

entertain

of

Things

for

want

of

a right Knowledge.

TH Y were fome time in deciding who

fhould bethe Speaker; but Squire l J 7 r o J g ~

head

at laft

was

appointed

to hold

Forth

as having the beft Memory; and the Voflor,

with Squire :Blzmderbzt{s were agreed to

fit duripg the Affair as two of the Criticks

Jury did upon the Body of Di t i 2e Shake

ipear

lately

mttrder d

agai z

by

great

Poet,

to the inexpreffible Grief and Lofs of his Exe

cutors the :Bookfcllers, who generally take

Poifeffion of Men s Souls binding them up

ill Calves-Skin Coffins before either their

.

Bodies

care to part with

them

or

Nature

has the Time to take away their old Cloaths

w ~ file has a Right to

acc9rding

to

her:

owri Law.

t



•

2q ,

•

•

AT length the Squire open d with the

edof a Stuck Pig and in the fQllowing

Manner gave me an Account the unac·

countable Accident that had befallen. this

• •

wonderful T r i l l m v i r a t ~ .

I T happeneq one Afternoon raid the

~ 8 q t t i r e , we Ihree taking ~ ferious Walk to·

gether willing to club each of us our w o ~

pence in the \Vay unfortunately dropp d in

to adamn d C ~ H o u f e n e a r V r u r . . L a n e ~

the

Reputation

of

which

we

were

i n n ) c e ~ t

9£; where to our great Surprize w ~ found

our felves f u r r o u n d ~ d with a Sett of our pro·

kts d Enemies the Gad-dem-ye--Sir whore

Brnins rattled in their Sculls like their Dice

• • •

in

the

Boxes

they

we

at

play with

:

Sevelz

or

Eie lJC11 prefently flarted up in ~ ) U r Minds

n we too ro n found we had 11ick dit i

for in an Inftant they arofe Gad demye Sirs

faid one Gad Jem Sirs raid another

pnti[o 011 thro the whole Compmzy; that in a

:Minute

we were

u n d ~ r

too

fhong

a

Guard

for any pOffibility of making a Retreat: We

were immediately Chrillen d according to

their R e ~ i g i o u s Opinions which don t a lit

tle vary from C h r i f r i a n i ~ ) . Squire1l.1zmder

bu{s they faid was a CaccaflgQ) Doctor

fJllzzlep.ttte they oblig d with the Name of

a l Old P1.ft ~ my felf they much honour-

ed



•

cd with the Stile and Title of all Old Prig.

That

we

were

all

old Fellows,

we

readily

confefs cl; but we humbly deGr d, as they

had fhewn us the Lingular anq unneceffary

Friendiliip ofHanding Godfathers unask d, to

three

fuch Piecesof Antiquity,that theywou d

add

fo

far to

the Favour

already

receiv d,

as to give us the Bleffmg of our LibertY to

<iepart thofe Premifes: To which Petition

they one and all roar d out, (lond as a Bell

caft the Size ot Sr. P u s Cup llo with the

Monument for its Clapper Gad dem ye

8irs, you re our Prifoners, - - - Gad dum

ye Sirs, we ll have fome Fun with ye, - -

.ibzd ay that they wou l Gad dum ye Sirs.

:Moft

patiently

endur

being

taken into

their Cufiody, and according to the Order

of their COJlllP.ittee were foonhurried

away to Mctamorphoji,zg ou e in the

Hay-Market; where, after having been for

fome

Time made the Sport

of

another Gang

belonging to the fame Legion, join d wIth a

Party of Toopus, they uncas d us, and bound

Skins round our Bodies, each of a different

Specie of Brutality; which done,. they uili-

er d

us

to

a

large Place adjacent,

where

they

turn d us loofe out of our Knowledge, a

mong Herd of 1ieroglyphica/ lleafts, ~

iliif for our felves, till the Fodder w i ~

that Field afforded, was demoliJhed. Ve

.kept as

near

to each

other

as

poffible,

. folving



)

{alving to

mufler

up

what

little

Reafon we

had remaining in this our Fright, lil enclea

voor to be contented with reHecting bet\ reen

our elves on the Viiion rhat feem d to be fet

- .

before us, and of which, to Ollr

Afflictions,

we bore fome Part. We found our felves as

1lio;y {lrOflS as much

Jar d

at

utlllter d,

and

s little k IOU lZ as the reft, which was fome

Comfort ill our Misfortunes; wc heard no

thi. 1gof great Confequence [aid among them,

nnlefs it was, I 01f, klZOW me? which e-

\ ery one bark d out in the Tone of a Lady 1.

little Lap-VIl,1. ; and tho many attack d

us with that itblimc Pbrafe, yet we remain

ed ftcdfaflly .JlwJ1, which, I don t doubt,

made us fiigmatiz d for flupid Creatures. I

own every thing was fo far beyond our Ca

pacity

of

judging, that

we

could

never

fo

much-as account for the Meaning of any Part.

Nevcrthelefs. the Notions we entertain d

-

were many; for we conjeetur d our telves for

feme Time no otherways than in a Irallce.

On one fide of the Place feeing Number of

Pyramids

adorn d

with

Hierogb Phical

Fi-

gtl-rcs, we verily thought our [elves

in .IE-

{Jpt where either we muft have been Kid.

Rapp d, or CrJlljur d y fame czmf1iJ1g Man

er other, out of a Frolick. The 9Jrovcs of

painted 13rdies which fialk d y us, c me

np to

us,

and dane d

round

us,

i n c r e ~ d

our

panick Dread, we imagining dircdly {for I

. can t



,

•

,

,

,.

,

,

,

•

,

can t fay but they put us rnightily in Mind of

the t 11jztllm[s Pi Sill) that, perhaps tor feme

of our old Crimes, the Conjurer had raifed

t h ~ JEgyptia1l, Mzt7J2mies from their peaceful

Mo)deztms, to give us not only R c p r o o ~ out

Cbf.l,fiHe,nent ; ,al1d that the Ceremony was

to be perform d by Death wrapp d up in Swa

thin g othimv,ays call d Swadling l o ~ t h s :

13ztt

we were H i ~ l mifiakcn; fer

they prov d

rather a, Number of lir:i7 f zwjOrmd Crea-

? titr.es, tban Corpfcs fo well preferv d as tha

- , --]r1innmies ~ r e . Doctor Pttzz epate had ,an-

C ~ . . ,

~ - ~ t h ~ r N o t i < ? 1 l ~ m ~ h e HIeroglyphical Way:

~ h ~ t the, PyramIds, and other a t t e r s ~

yihich f e e m ~ ~ : t o lie in grc a\ . O r d ~ r upon t 1 ~ e

Platform w h [ ~ h the Pyramid,s fiOOd on, feem. d.

t ~ him Em51ematical Figure of the gooti

Things fet pin the AiMr .rJ Baal, as a 5.1-

crifice

te him;

and

that

the Number

ofGvr-

mal1dirers who c a n ~ e ahout if, taking,:lH

before them, were as a T J/JC of the Prirf ;

in thofe Times, \\ho d c ~ o l i r d or took i<

· themfelves {uch Gifts as were deGgn d both

;

for

their

Gods

.alld

-their

Cow;tn .

Afta

1

10

:j which Sqnire .JJhmderbz:j;r re£c(wd on tlS

j , bqtll, faying] That as Ma.tters in h i ~ Judg-

ment feern

cl turn d T ~ p f y t ~ r v y .in the l l C v ~

:{ \Vorld, .andap things ~ l p i , c j i i n g to \ £ti y fo

>

pIuch

in

their

Nature,

it

was

impoi1ible:

for

; either of us who were educuted in the tmci

pl4in

~ Y D ; , to make agood and a p p r < > \ ~ d

o ~

.,

,

.

.

,

,

, ,

..

I



4

Confirnd: on of any tMdern J i e r ~ ~ l y p h i e l u j

which

he

took

that

J7ijion to

reprefent

:

And

npon the whole, we agreed that neither of

us knew any thing of the Matter. In f h o r t ~

when the whole Crop feem d eaten the

Ground, one of the Gad-dem-ye-Sirs c me·

up to US, pull d off his Hackney {ecul1d-ha1za.

C JUntenancc

and

commanded

us

to

follow

him, whrch we no fooner heard than o e y d ~

We were clapp d under a frelh Guard, o m ~

pored ofhimfelf and half a Dozen Toop.ees;

who carried us back to thejfrippitzg Room;

re-equipp d

us

with the

inherited

Apparel

o

our Grandfathers, made us drink twoar

three oer, odd Healths, and at a ~ turn d us

out node; a tripple Difcharge of Gad-dem

yeSirs; concluding with the following moll

obliging Speech of, Take· yrntr Lihertic ,

and

mayye

all

Three

he

trebly

dmltt Gad

rlC1lZ ye irs

T S Sir, (fai4 the fpea1eitzg SquireJW J S

the unexpeCted Ceremony of our Difrniflion,

nnd as foon as we bad recovered Faith

enough to believe we were at Liberty, and

Reafon fufficient to ask a plain Quefiion, we

hegg d a Chairman (as he c d himfelfj t ~

tell us where we were j who not only very

civily informed ns, butwith Ilzt1Jla1zitj which

we had

not

met

with

among

all

the Society

\Ve had got loofe from,) freely offered; f e e i n ~

Ui

•



lis Strangers, to be our Guides wherever

pleafed to go faying f ~ r t h r in a pitying

Tone,

Ah

Mafiers

you

ve

been

among

a

fad Crew Qf VeviIs But the Directions

which the homjfi Fellow gave us; being plain

as our Qleaion and Purpofe required, w

t h ~ n k him to the Value ofa Shilling by way

of

Encouragement,

and

trudg d

Home,

where

we arrived in Safety, to our great Comfort,

about the Hour of Six the Morning follow..

ing The Afternoon we fet out: whiCh, (as

far as Memory will admit of) is; to the beLl

of

my

Knowledge,

every

minute

Circuin

fiance of the whole Affair: And thus ended

~ h e wonderful Story of this mofi learned

Squire Wro12ghead and his as wife Compa

nions the Vof or and T litl Blzmderbzeft

•

T y were tf ry [olicitOllS that I would

give them my Opinion upon the Whole, and

begg d me to fpeak-freely, for they were af

fur d that fo long a Story mull: Ggnifie fome-

thing, and that it muft have fome Meaning

more than ordinary, becaufe it had puzzled

them for fo long a rtiine. affitr d them it

feem d to me fo far above my Capacity, that

imlefs

it

was

a

joint Dream

compofed

of

their

united Head.;.pieces to puzzle me, I could

make nothing of it; bzmzbIJ reqzteflil1g they d

exeufe my Backwardnefs in arguing upon n

Affair which I declar d had no other·Appear-

D

ance

,.



ance to m e than that they all feem d to have

been terribly frightned at fomething or other,

which M itery they themfelves feem d not

very capaale, at that Juncture to unravel.

Neverthelefs, I acknowledg d the fingular

Pleafnre and vaft Diverfion.which I told them

they had given me in the Dercriptiol1 which

Squire

Tf1'ollghead

had

fo

eloquently

fet

forth This Speech which wretched Ig

norance had contriv d very foon demonfira

red what a grand Ivliftake I had made;

too [0011 fotmd my felf as perfeCtly wrong as

I d before thought them; for they began pre

fently

to

make

me

fenilble

of their Refent

ment and dubb d me aNO?l om which they

plainly fhew d by Frowns dreadful as ~

clouded Heavens that forebodes a Storm;

they bit their Lips, fiar d at one the other,

and

to

confirm

me in

what

I

dreaded) threw

their 'Tobacco-Pipes, like ThitJ1der-13olt

from Jo::e.

DoCtor Pltzz epate began with mumbling

out He found me not to he the Man of Parts

he took

me for

;-

If ill

Jllzmderbu[s

fe-

conded him by muttering That I was no

Specie of a CraftJma1z he

was pofitive; ,

and Squire U;roilghead, in his ufual difmal

\\7 ay, agreeing with the reil) murmur d

.forth manifold RefleCtions againfl: me ; all

which put together o r m ~ ~ felf intoa forrt

o

•

I



27 )

of united BltZ founding like Wind at di

fiance

midO:

the

Trees

before the

Storm

begins. In {hart I found the Noife grow-

ing louder and louder which convinc d me

that my whole Bufinefs upon fueh an Emer-

gency was by fome immediate Stratafem or

other

to endeavour at

appeafing the tem-

pefiuous Rage which their high fworn Ba-

foms fo poyron d with Indignation feem d

to threaten

me with: And as NecejJitv is

often found to be tDe fllotDer of lve;ztio7z

:fhe was fo good a Mother to me at that cri-

ticallv imtte

as

to

bid

me

fl:art

fame damn cl

h r lFord or other which very probably

might turn their angry Thoughts and fet

them upon a ditferent Argument in their -

tymological Conrfe of Sport by w y of

fre1h

Game;

which

Advice I like a

dutyful

Child to fo indulgent a Parent in the very

Nick of Time put in PraCtice with all de-

fir d Succefs.

BEG AN with the utmoll: Caution in a gen:

tIe and moO fubmiffive Tone to importune

, the refenting Vorthies that they would if

it was but for no longer Tm1e than two fi-

lZZttes keep fa lock d thore dreadful Gales

which held as yet conf1n d the

Furies of

their

too much

injui d

Souls

..

- - - I

acknow-

ledged in the humbleG: Terms ho\y much fu-

periour all their Jud.gmcnts were to mine -

and

•



,

and that twas only to keep my Ignorance

conceal d; that

1

had {hove the

putti ig off

a Difputation with Men of fuch Parts, efpe·

cially upon a Subject fo far above my Reachf-

but humbly hop d, as they were \\,iqle.Hcs

how much I was concern d for having 1

offended,

that

I

might

l:e

favour d

with

en

jO) mg the Ad vantage of finding them prove

rather inllruttive l riends, than Enemies:

adding, that my pleafing Hopes were not a

little ftrengthen d by the Obfervations I had

made

of that

no :lle

Unity,

fo

confpicuoufiy

fuining forth from their ri1Z1n Jirate.

\V H IL E I was exprefiing this confounded

fet Speech, I eaiily difcern d the Sky of thei,.

h..rfiogllomies grew more and more erme,

which. prompted

me

at

once to put

up

my

deftgn d a;1d well-tim d Petitioll, which

I did in a very grave Manner: moil: humbly

defiring they \\ould aGifi the Weakners of

my Intelle. in giving me their Judgment

and Thmghts

upon

the

EtJ11101or-J

of

what

I

believ d \ as ~ old Word, caB d MOM U 5

newly broc ght upon the prefent t g e ~

T J\.loment I had nam d the lfor

away

flew

\Vrath, Refentment

was

kick d

cut of Doors, and a Smile of Joy frood

:entiuel UpOl1 each of their Countenances.



T

y

all

g ~ p

at the

Theme

I

had

of:

fer cl like callow :Birds while the old O 28S

feed them, ~ would have direcdy gone

upon it illgdOllg had not regain d o

much Favour with them) as to get the Ar-

gument deferr d

till the

next

Board;

which,

neverthelefs) would Qot have been admitted,

but that engag my felf to produce at their

next Meeting, a Lift of a1ztiqztf fFords that

were all taken into Cuftody in one Houfe,

and condemn d

for

being

in

Confederacy

with -ftJormls; upon whom Sentence was

pafs d by a General Court of Toopees and

Gad-dem-ye-Si1 s; a Sett of Wretches, who

notwithftanding they re bothRich and Gay.

yet

accordi1zg

to

Cmztab.

are neither

Ricb

nor Gay.

R N E having thus quieted Aflairs,

they peacefully adjourn d to the next Even

~ n g [e iiC1l

ef

the

Clock precife 1'

•

T Time to which they adjonrn d. he .

ing fo ihort there was no Opportunity for

me to get off my Bargain; therefore I had,

nofhing left to do but drawing up the pro-

mis d Lifl with the greateft Expedition;,

which tho I much wanted to be cxcus d

from yet it was fuch a Propofition as I durft

nO r fo much ~ s hint to thofe tefiy Gentry,.

. ~

•



° ,

who were

fo

unaccountable

in

their Methods,

and fo £lery pm/il lwJ aboM Nothillg that

the leaft thing WaS an arrant Affront to them,

wl ich to Men of Reafon would have been

the Reverfe. . . ,.

Tbeir

odd

ZVletbod

of

org1.til1g{o

I lg

upon

tbi11gs ab{olzttely il1jig11ijicant became as tire

fome to me as they had formerly been divert

ing; and how I tumbl d into their Favour I

can t tell; but it feerns they had regifter d

me into their Society without either my Con

fent or Knowledge, at my firft Arrival, and

my

filly Propofal in frarting this new Affair

as I found a little after moll: firmly clench d.

that Nail, which before they had only drove.

For one among them I mull: be, or other

wife

be

haunted

by

the evil Spirits.

of

fome

one or other of their Family, daily as I

walk: d the Streets; fo that I rather chofe a

private Perfecution than a publick one.

A the Place appointed, fome time be

fore

the

Hour,

I

had

been refleCting upon

the

ftubborn Society I was fo unhappy be a

:Member of.· .\Vhat the Devil were hard

Vords to me, - • -they were only Plagues,--

they never did me any Service, What Bu

finefs

was

it

of

mine

whether

V

ords

fignified

any thing, or nothing? - - - b e e w ~ f { { ] l g e d

;Method of Speech withot-tt l y .l 4ea12ing

other



3

1

other than what one pleas l to put upon it,

was more convenient for a Purpofe intend.,.

ed to put

in

Execution,

than

all

the

quaint

Terms in ChriHendom: Bur alas the Even-

ing came on, - - - and to a fecond of Time,

while was lolling in thepretty Barr-keeper s

Lap, was difiurb d with the Sound of -

Ve

a-Clock,

uiher d

in

by

the

rittmvimte

who were now no longer a Tripple, but (by

the Addition of my Perfon) what they call

a 2Jtadrz6ple Alliallce.

had but

jufi

recover

from

folacing

my

felfin a very agreeable Manner, when Squire

JJI lt derbzt{s id his Compal ioJls lllOt

quite thro the Ears, with a loud Salute of Sir

Irmr mofl hztmble Scrvallt, c. which Vol-

ley

return d

\\7ith

Gmtle1nC1Z

JOtt

Ice

I m

pttllf ;ttal, and fo follow d them to their fa

ble appointed for Crofs Pztrpo[es.

T HE Board being fat, I deliver d in the

Scroll,

which

look d

fomewhat

like

the i-

tle-Page, and firfi Side of a Nomellclatztra,

but not fo explanatory. told them very

plainly, was never acquainted with any of

the People mention d in it; i they were

People,) and hop d they d excu[e me fi om

any Part of the Argument, which they agreed

to.·-They chofe Jlill Blzt11derbzt{s to put the

fluef/io11s, as Matter arofe, in proper Order ;

l 1 Ollg-



,

tr'r(Jflghead and P1lzzlepate were appointed

to

argue

upon

each Crarnbo,

while

I

was

i n ~

dulg d to fIt as an Arbitrator, if I p l e s d ~

upOn the Whole.

0 tbey heKan, I was de fire d only

to inform them whether there was not fome

thing

more belonged to the

Sc1'o/l

I

had

produced to which I reply d, there really

had been a ~ o r t of Book fiirch d at the end

of it, but as feveral Perfons who fcan d it

SYllable S llaSle have declared there was

notbhlg

ill

it

I

never

took

no Pains

of

per-

uting It, and fa carelel1y threw it afide.

Yet believing twas impofIible fo many hard

Names and Things could be made nfe of

3bont nothing I preferved

th t Part i and

thought my hying it before them might be

a Mea 1S o rin in fomewhat to Light,

that feem d at prefent in Darknefs to my

:lhallflw Comprehenfion; and which I did

not doubt but the Crrlciples of their :Brai71s

would certa;nly effeCt Further adding

That

as

it

feemed by fome

illKCJlious

Mml

deflgned for an E71tertail1711mt; I had

~ n o t r Reafon to believe it was a ti ry

f,o[.d oue, becaufe thole who [ome cal the

1(1 £11, did not iike it,. like the Fair

Sex

U ho

gc ul alh

c01zdermi

a

celebrated

1Jt( lltY for beitlgfo.· Sqttire \VRONGHEA D

gaye a gentle Reproof for offering.to

hint



33

hint whether the Affair was good or bad

by.

way

of

Opinion

before

they

had begun

to examine into the Merits of it in due

Form and Order. I acknowledged my

Fault Took the Rebuke with all Chri-

ftian Patience. Sat my felf down quiet

as

a

Lamb.

And

Will

Blzmderbztfs

read in his Place the following Scrolt which

open d the Affair.

M0 MU S tum d Fabztlifl or Vztlcmz s

W

EDD

I N G

an

Opera.

DRAMAT IS PERSON £

JU P I To ER Neptzme Apollo .liars

P

lztftts

Pztlca?z MercztrJ

M

0 M

us.

JUNO V EN U S .lE G LE

•

THE M 1 N 1ST E R 0 F F TE

S ENE·isthe AVENUES totht cztrt

of DEST INY

VI HIe H being read; fllt J3lzmder-

bzt{s

.proceeded

and propofed as

the fiJjl

QUefli 11 that fll ld give our Opinions

·u..lhether the Word:· MOMV t S Tea; or

E :: . Nay



}

Nay a tTi{creet lford to hegilz

the

Title of

any

thi1ig dejig11cd

as an

E1itertaiummt.

T Door being thus far fet open for De

bate rDoftor Puzzlepntewas directly opening

'his Lips to enter upon the ArgUment, when-

mon unhappily

he was

difappointed

by

Squire WrOflgbead who got the Start of

him, hy having fpoke the firlt Word, fa

that TTi o-ii1 bead was allcw d to be firfr

heard, and accordingly gave us his Senti·

ments as follows.

T Squire began with declaring, That

the \Vord ld{;fJ izls in his Ears, differed very

much in its Sound from any thing that

could be entertaining to him, unlefs it was

the

p1eafing

Opportunity

he

bad met

with,

in

arguing upon its Et}1i201ogy and the Matter

in Debate. And that he took it to a

mighty filly Effort of anyone to propafe

the diverting your Illiterate TJeoplc with

fuch

a

crabbed and uncouth

\\r

ord as

Mo.

mus for that in cafe he was tu adverti[e

auy thing with a Piew of elztertairling the

Plthlic his Judgment ihould lead him no

further than to ~ forth th whole Affair in

three Words viz. A N W T S IN G Af

ter

which,

he

i'hould have

no

occafioll

to

give himfelf the 'rronble any thing more,

th n e pofing to the View of whoever came,

either



either a 12eW painted Rattle: 1ZeW t -

{e l d Hobby-HOI{e.. or a

new fajhioll d

Mou[e- Irap. But he was of Opinion, tbe

TTLE would befiIZdt the Ta[fe : And was

tolerably well aifure4 it could not accor-

ding to Law give any Audience liberty in

a litteral Seofe, to fay they were trick

or affronted. For what rcafonablc Crea-

tures, fuch as every Audience fuppofed to

confift of could in Confcience deitre ffi01 e

than a Performance of all that either an

Atttbor had propo{ed to entertain them with,

or their Cltriojity, having read the whole

Matter before Hand, prompted them to fee.

U the Sqltire indeed admitted, that

he was

not altogether

void

of

apprehending

fome 7Jif zwballces, which might attend the

Peljorma11Ce of even what he had propofed;

tho never fo inviting in its Title, or jufr in

its Execution: For the Squire had faid, as he

had heard

it

very wifely

obferv d,

that

there s

2 gelleral Rltle without cm Exception j fo

he had great Reafon to believe himfelf not

too fecnre from Interruption, tho

his Scbeme

was New Short, and Pathetic:There being

always

fonnd

a Mixture

in

AfJemblies

of

et

di[cen2il1g [ort of ]rIm, whofe extraordillal}

PelZetratiol1 generally drives them to put a

more extenftve, and perhaps a worfe Mean-

ing upon the Lttwbratiollr of an Autbor

than



•

than ever the AMhor meant. Of which

5eH the Sqztire faid he fuould t t make .

bold to give fame Account atzd thm pro-

ceed in his Argument upon the Qleftion. .

0 F fnch di(cenli11g Gentry, the Sf uirc

intimated there were three Vijlil1ffiol1S; viz.

the

Xi/c

the

~ e l

W i r e ~

and the

w ~ r e i o f

all Which threcClajJesof K GW-

ledge, he faid had their refpettive Degrees

of jztdiciallmployme12t affigned them

for the

Corre f1hig Errors according to their feve-

ral

Capacides

ill

Critic.ifin;

which

they

were not only noted to tranfaCt with prodi-

gious i.Vlodifl), in

the

moil gmerous, private,

and COllCi[e Jlmmer ; but were likewife ce-

l e ~ r a t e c l for their unparralell l Endeavours

effectually to

eflablijh

an

IJtIzivclfal[ztblimity

with regard to Lctters, Speech, and Actio12:

And notwithftanding they are a Sett who

in their pure Nature may be difcovered to

enjoy as equal a Fondnefs for a CW thil1g

as any propofed

Alldicllce

;

yet

the Squire

faid the FZl1lCfi01z of fuch Men laid them

under an abfolute Neceffity ofalways fuow-

ing a remarkilble {ort of Vi like to all

Perfi1-mmzces whatever; partly owing to

their fear of lofing the twaccott12table Re-

ptttatioil which they had gain d of being

thought capable to fit in their Turns upon

the t) f( llicfil Thrones of CCJ1 itrc in

o y



7

Body of an Amphithcatre, and partly thro

dread of forfeiting the charitable Contrihu

tioJ1s

.

of

Pitt

:Box,

and

Gallery

1Ylo11cy,

which is often difiributed among them for

the noble ufe of their (ttpcrior Spirits, and

·tltaf Judgmcnt in daml2i12g according t9

their Manner fuch .Aztthors Harks as their

di{crcct Bcllcfaffors

or

Patrons

have

nei-

ther leifure from their dolmt Stztdies to

amend nor Stock fufficient of either Cott..

rage or Cr Zlelty to condemn any other way

·than by fueh their zt1ZCrril1g :Depttties.

T s the Squire [ lid being conlider d

made it feem to him morally impotIible for

his Proiect tho a 12ew thing, to come bet-

ter off than ~ l o m Z s , or the Vorks ofmany

Fools, who have

m i f ~ m p l o i

their

~ m

f t r i l , ~ h z g to o b l ~ f / m Clltertaill the Pith-

lie Which poetical Nmnp cs, if they were

Ambitious of chiming in ZX ith the Times,

·fll0uld according to the Nature of them

rather

chofe

either

to have laboured in

the Harnefies of Coa.cb· HOIfes, or otherwife

fun in Ol ples with the Collars of [porti1zg

2Jeades about tbeir ecks In which fort

of r d z ~ f r y they would have met with much.

better

Sllcccfs

with regard

to

Pro112oti011

than by all their mi[-Ipel1t Labottr of tbe

13r ah;, in compoung even the beft. Coup:-

lets of Verfcs O c. that their filly Noddles

. . coul

\



3

8

,

could pretend to make : and therefore, he

was cOllvinc d with refpett to fuch an En·

tertaill111C71t as he had pro ,ofed; that altho

~ m s fo exceedingly compa i1 ; yet thofe three

mentioned Claffis of [ztperlative WiJdom,

would not fail doing him the Favour of e-

ing immediately about his Houfe; and

from whom he did not in the leaft doubt,

hut he fhould receive the following difcreet,

tho fevere Ufage and Cenfure, by way of

tin odd },lethod thanks, which they ge-

nerally pay to alZ Attthor for tbe Pai11s be

has took.

T Squire raid he was perrwaded, that

the Tflife would take it into their Fancies

to imagine y his prefenting to them a cW

painted

Rattle,

that he had done it y w y

of Hieroglyphical Refle Cli011 upon the Au-

dience: which Thought, he faid, could ne-

ver have enter d his 1hallow Scull; they

did not conftrue it fo of their OW11 Heads.

And

Ten

to

One, he

raid,

if

the

Jery

fPi[c

who are a terrible {ort of Critics, wou d

not as undoubtedly cavil at the Rattle for

m king a Noi[e, which their great Hi dom

might perhaps take for a Sort of [peaking

in their

, , ay;

and

wouldtherefore cry

out

7Jamn tbe Performance, tis O £lt of the

jfrliJ Rzdes of Pantomimes. .Which

it fuould fo happen; he raid thore two mif..

chiccotts



39

•

chievotls COlzjefftl.res of Rejleffiolz

and

Noire,

would inevitably

draw

upon

him

the

infupportable 8elttellce of the ff1fej1 of ll

who never fail chiming in with the firft

and {ecoltd ClafJes, and are fo great in their

illterrztpti12g 112gemtity; that no fooner thall

an

Altthor

has been

judg d

Gltilty

by

the

wife, and

very wife; but the wifejf ofall at

once pronounce him dClmll d withoztt givhJg

him the OpportmJity of a fttrtber Hearing.

Infrantly putting a Stop to any other Perfon s

being either diverted or quiet J3ecau[e they

wo;z t like the Thi1zg.

of thefe Cla/fes the ~ q u i r faid.

had theirre{peffive 1JZt /ille{r prefcrib d

which is as follows viz The lPife were ap-

pointed

to./hake

tbeir

Heads,

and

be

of

tea

juftling whoever fat by them; The t cry

Wife were to Gri1t1t by way of Prologue

to a Hili, al ld fo to excite many others

who knew no better to do the fame by

way

of

Fzt12

as they

call

it

nd

the

owi eft of all were to found to Arms vith

their r llmpets made rI Scorpiolls lliJckle-

b011cs blowing up the .spirit of Re entmclzt

throughout the whole I1JJembly \yho accor-

ding

to

their Defign

were immediately

to

di/like eoery thitJg except the Han11012J of

their gral1d HlIrriu 1Jc of C(Jtt-cailf



By

Accident,

indeed, the

'Sqttire

faid,

an Allthor might efcape in a tolerable Man ..

ner; but that he own d muft alone be owing

to a certain fort of .J1iflakes thofc plodit/ott .

wife Gmtfry now and then happen to make

in

either HiJJillg

or

ClappiJlg

improperly:

\Vhich feeming Error when enq uir d into)

they cxczt{e ' Jcry ha1zdfomely, by faying, they

either left their Memorandums at Home, or

unfortunately mifimdcrflood 110t 011ly the Na·

tnre of the hillg Imt alfo what their Pa-

tr01lS

bid'em

do;

either of

which,

the'Sqztire

faid, he had great Hopes they would be guil-

of at his propos d E,2tcrtainmellt, tho

twas to cOllftfl hut 011C Thing j for he had

known a Sett of them blunder extrava

gantly

i12

applaztdi1lf,

fuch

balderdaili

Stuff

as Shakefpcar's, Otway's, Congt ettJc's, and

and others, alike \Vretches of Authors, point

blanc cOl1trary to the ~ i r e f i o s of t h e i l ~

13CJlej'affors.

o

E

thing more the

'Sqttirc

faid he

had

obferv d with refpeCt to the COltraf,c of thofe

Perfons who fhow their pretty Teeth, yet

nc ::cr :Bite; whofe ra ottr is not a little to

be admir d For notwithfianding they will

neither

Compo[e

themjidccs,

as a certai1z

Atl

thor defir d them) nor oblige the orld with

the Know ledge of their Perfons, yet in the

midft

-

•



i

midlt: of the greatefi AffembIies, wirh an arra :

zing and undaunted A fitrallCc, t:lcy lI rr:akc

nothing to

fer

the \vnole

l dif lCe

/11

t ll

-

roar, and under t ~ G Shelter of their ( ) ~ ) i C u -

riry, being m l i m ~ 2l1J

a Full-Pot 10 the

Cenrinel, will bid Dejm2ce to tbe 1/>/l J t O ~

ble Circle to call them to a ~ l V A c i : : : i t .

The

Sqztire

after

th:s

}tc

lat;n:;)

l 1·occed..;

upon the 2Jteftiolz, m u c ~ l \Y{ ldr:ilg how

an bgClziotts Azsthor with ScholaHic {.earn

ing could make fo unhappy a Cbo cc as he,

thought MOrlms was, for his Firfi H urd of

hzvitatiolJ, unlefs he had firf gaii1 d a Num

ber of Profelites fl1fficient for his Purpofe, by

bringing back a Part ofMank;nd to the good

and wholefome old Way of t h : n k ~ i g , and

original Stare of Innocence. For I remem-

ber, Jaid the Sqttirc to have r c a ~ ~ when I

was

at

School,

of

one

.Uomz:s,

who

W:iS

hated by all us zt1zlztcky 7Joj S ; Hnd tho our

Ma{fcr (who difcern d our Dif1ike of him)

told us, that notwithftanding lv]o1JZzts might

feem to us a very odd Fellow, and a Tell

Tale,

Fattlt-f12dillg

God

of

the

.I11zcie7lts,

yet he was as ufcflll in his Way as any

God of them all; for which Reafon he

urg d that the Boys ought to reve,c him.

Neitcrthelej s,we ltlz z cky Diles beir.g near

as

cunning, tho

not

altogether

1;

l ~

;IS

our

Mafter, foon difcDver d he \. /2.5 r: : little

{elf interefied in what he had f:i d ; :L:d that

F .beillg



4

2

hei1ig i11 Crm d of other People s CrimeJ was

a hing be much lik d. which made him

cry

up

ltlomus.

Therefore

to

be as

much

on a Parr with our _Mafler as ollr young

Beads would reach, we uoanimocdly

gave

each Fa· f)uurite Boy of his, who \vas nat,u

rally addiCted to run with our Faults to h i ~

:Ear, the

Nick-1Ja fJZe

of

Momns

;

and

i,nHead

of agreeing with our Z11after s Counfel, we

cultivated a greater Diilike to the Name

than ever mor efpecially when twas evi-

tient That not one of us ever fufter d the

Lafh under hb J u r i s d i t t l ~ n : , ~ u t Momus was

the

Caufe

of

its

being put

in

Execution

; and

Pique the Squire faid w a ~ a great a t ~ e r

in the ffair he was arglling u p ~ n w h i ~ h

made him the more wonder, that a ~ y Man

could believe itpofiible t fmgle out a S e ~ t

of

worthy

People, without

a

M i x ~ u r e ,

of

,.e m llg Scbwl- Boys, who had. i m b i ~ d . a ~

iIleconcilable Inveteracy ~ g a i D f t all TelJ-tale

1vlomus s: Befides, the. Squire faid, if rhe

...JrI0111ttS he d e ~ a t e d upon, anfwer d the Cha-

ratter

he

formerly

read

of

him; he

mull:

be

a crufiy, furf) ) pee-vifh, impudeut, ./yhzg

FellfY JJ who \\ould not bau,lk o p ~ n l y r ~

find Fanlt w t hi J 1 1 ~ o t h e r Gods, tho·

never fo much his Superiors; and without

Favour or Affection made it his Bufinefs the

telling

as many fa {e

ales

as

t r u ~

Q11eS :

Therefore, £aid the Sq:tirc, who amoflg us

could

•

•



•

J tts

was

a

\

ord

underllood

but by very

few

it could not be judg d any more inviting to

that Part of the defir d Number who did not

know him than to thore that did; for as

the frft

:Blow generally accounted h rtlf

the

l1ott/e,

fo

the

firft a1ld

emphatic

lford

of 1itle generally ftrikes the Readerts

Mind with Pleafure or Diflike making half

the Impreffion at one Stroke be it good or

bad. A plain Inllance of which the ' quire

faid we might daily

fee by only giving our

felves the Trouble of llepping into a Booklel.

ler's Shop, where we fuould quickly difcem

how much fuperior the Policy of a J3ook[cllef

is to the Judgment of alZ Author j by obrerv-

ing the Lime-twigg 'Titles of their own com-

pofing which are

laid

in

great

Order

on

their Compters, to catch the cin-ious :Birds.

of Life who wou d ne er be taken in by the

Author's Ch{1j{, if there was not a little

Rhetorical Cont of a :Boo1e[cller thrown over

it

And

therefore

he

faid

Momzts

walZti f

o

that Lime-twig , Facltlty, was 11 t itz his

Opillio1Z a difcreet lJ10rd for the :ritle of

O Z El1tertaim12ellt: But he own d himfelf

not fo fufficient a Judge as the Matter in de-

bate

requir d;

and

t h ~ r e f o r e

he

debr d

'Doc

tor Pttzzlepate would

begin and oblige

him with his Iboughts tepo1z ~ J 2 t e f t i 1 Z ~

'Squire T f r o n g h ~ a d having thus clored his

if

•



Difcourfe gave

a

much

long d-for

Liberty

l Speech to the Voflor, whofe Impatience

prevented the Ceremony of a fecond Re-

queft; for in h l fec01ulof Time he prov d

his undoubted Right of being the next imme-.

diate

Omtor

upon

the

SubjeCt in

Hand.

T Prelude of his Harangue confined

of two or three awkward Compliments. to

Squire lflr01zghc ld, upon what he had fpol\.e

If

lr}omztS

with

regard

to

his

having

faid

fo much and argu d fo very long upon

Theme which did not feem to him l t o g ~ t ~ e r

fo well propos d in the 2Jeefli 1z as otherwifl

~ ~ might have been: For faid the Vo Ctor,

~ u r Friend 111zmderbzt{s not having difiin

guith d whether the ]Vamc in d e b ~ t e was to

be argu d upon as the lwciclzt Momtts, or

one of a modcr1z Stamp ; .it could not

.well d e i d e ~ by any tingle GCl1ius tiIlthat

roint was clear d : Neverthelefs he faid

.it gave him his wifu d-for Opportuniryof

arguing in a different n n ~ r to what Sqzdre

Wr011ghead had raid upon t he was much

better pleas d with finding filch an Obfcurity

in the 2Jee[fiolz than he fuould have been tp

have had it putin a plain ·Way. For t ~ ~ ,

q)o i1or faid. if the jl1 mzJs in debate had

been abfolutely flated as the Faztlt-ji1zding

Whclp of the Al1cimts,. ·he mull in fnoh

Cafe have tpsmght himfelf immediately

bHg



once and then but rofely whifper d,) by ,a.

p isHfommz,. whp ~ u i c ~ l y met her jzi/l,

RtV)ard

for

domg

fo,

m

beIog

{oU1taly

chi(4,

Therefore, the Voflor faid, he did not doubt

but lYlomzls was not only in E1l:eem at that,

Time among the better Sort of Folks, but

was very likely remain fo for a confidem

hIe

while, being

a

Word

n6t commonly

t m ~

derfiood, and by that good Fortune efcap d

a Mixture with your paltry comm01Z SC1?/c,

which fort ofK1zou

cdgc is with Rca[oiz

,/zotrnuch l){t tted., o'wing to the me 2

tra f1io11

~ f

the

Wretches who

mojt

vulgar

e } ~ o y the U/e 01/t., .

. \

. Neverthelefs 'Doflor 'Puzzlepote c o u l ~

not, a ~ c o r d i n g to his accufiom d Method, a.

void

flying off

a little

from

h i s p ~ o p o s d

Se·

eurity of the Word ~ m t l ~ tho Hated y

himfelf as modenz and New for the Vo'ilor

-

raid, he could neither abfolutely nor prorerly

warrant Mmmts's continuing an Hour longer

in

Favour

than \Vords

of

common Senfe

and

good Meaning; heha:ving obferv d a Sett of

Ferfons whofe failiionable Method of pro

cE;eding had alm9H deUroy the Foundation

,of h i ~ Heady Princi ples, by ~ h e i r fetting him

t h e ~ a m p l e of dc/pilillg every t ~ i J l f aJre,.

it had bem once hd,11dledby People of a low

Ra,l1 ; which 01fer:,, oti011, ~ e faid, c o n ~

,vine d him tbat the bCfl of T,bZ1Zgs were but

}hart·

•

\



4

8

/hott-liv d with regard to FtlC ottr; ri

therefore he was of Opinion that in a fmall

Space of Time there would be an open Rup

tUre among a Sett of Perfons focieting in f ~

fefublies of their own Inttitution which So

ciety feem d eftablith d by them out of a due

l{e[peC -to public Oeco1Jom,', with the addi ;o

tioilal

Contrivance

for

its

better

Support

and

feive their Friends of that mofl exellmt

Amu[emC11t calld ADRILlE in \vhich Di

vernon the glorious Examples as well of nl-

iluflry s F1 ztgality are remarkably con{pi

CflOUS,

by

daily

inftrucHng .Mankind in

the

difcreet fl11d pleafil1g Art of paf i1Jg away

their Time; which leifure Days and Nights

they might otherways have loft or

elfe em

ploy d much wode if poffible The Vo f1or

added

as

an

irrefragable Rearon

for his

Fears with regard to the Downfall of dear

Ra Jijhing QUADRILLE that to his Know..

ledge its Reptttati011 wasfiai1z d with bei11g

Copied by the Vulgar ; for he had been cre

dibly

inform d

that a

Li11k-boy,

a

Chimney

[weeper, a11Iack-jhoe.hoy, and a Kell1zcl ra

leer, were very -lately iffe.mbled at a Cellar

in Sobo over a Full Pot of Butt.Beer; with

Tobacco and -Pipes; where after they had re

~ l r l y

plac d

themfelves

o n ~

at each Corlier

Of a Joint Stool whicb {er·' }'d them as a

aUe; with their Landlady s ragged, dirty

Jprol1 inflead of- Velvet to keep tbe grea/j

-. . Cards



49

Cards clean: they impiouily mimicktd flieir

1Jcttcrs,

a1zd

plary d

away

the

whole

ieht

at Qpadrille• And alfo he had receiv l a

nother Information of

the fame Nature, That

a Pudding-womml, a Ylallad-ji11ger, a

Cylzder-wC1zch, and a Card-match-makerjs

CJ)aughter

of

Rofemary-Lane;

were

alike

met in another Cellar hy Tyburn-Road, St.

Giles s, all of them in a loving Way, O IJcr

a Hot Pot, dexteroul1y iliuffiing the Pack,

dealing round to one the other ill dzte Or

der,

with the

fame

Infolence

of

the

Sohu

Party, and at the fanie Game, much

to the

CDifcrcdit of renown d Q ~ l a d r i l l e : but what

was firange; he c01/fcfs d there was 110t to

hiS Hearilzg one Whore am01zg them he

~ o f o r

therefore

feem d coiwinc d

that

the

Gentlefolks of the l o tJJ1z would cer/aildy

lea Oc fIIf whelz they 01Jce fltmd it/0 mttc J

ahusd.

T VoC1or proceeded with a t ery odd

r.Apol0rtl for his Vigreji01z, which he jufily

fuppos d we thought him guilty of; giving us

to underftand, that he took that rozmd-about

Way purely to

make his ArgmJ it1lt appear the

fhorter, and to fhow his prodigious Skill in

Rhetoric, by firft making us believe that he

~ p p r o v

of

~ o m z ~ s

nd then

how

c ~ p a b l e

h ~ was to brmg htmfelf clean off agam, by

chiming in with our Sentiments ofDiflike to

theWord, on 4ccount of ~ not feemin fuffi

. . G clenvy



50

•

cjently underfiood to be any way ~ n t e r t a i n i n g :

which the ]J{;t or endeavour d t o demon-

ftrate hy traverhng the .Matter a little further,

and giving us his Report of fome Notions tbat

were entertain d of it in feveral Families,with

whom he had been frequently debating upon

its

Etymology

before

that Evening:

tho he

was fo fiy as not to make any of us in the

leafr privy to it cill that 1Ioment.

T CJ)oflor began his Report \vith de ;

elaring

he had

found

moil People

of

Opinion

that the ~ 1 j 1 m l s in difpute, was a modem

Name: and was thought y a Perfon in one

Family, to have been invented

y its Author.

in the way of a 1iew-fa./hi01/d Family id-

die:

and therefore they

argued

upon

it

in

the

familiar Phrafe of iddle ry Riddle my

Ree, c. - But the Doffor aifur d us; that;

after a tedious Debate ended, none of them

could find out neither wh t this Momtts

could be, nor who.

I

N

another Family

he faid

where

they

·were d i f p u t i ~ g npon the \Vord; Nm{e

who was leading a Child about the Room,

put in her Verdid and begg d her Lady

would give her Leave to Il1ake Ufe of th t

;w

ord

Momzts

for

the

~ p i n

little. Mafter

in Awe when he was naughty, infiead of

.Rau1headaud J3loody bol CS : for file thought

it founded l i k ~ a more gen.teel Namethaa

. . either

•

•

•



50

cjently underfiood to be any ~ y entertaining:

which the Do Clor endeavour d t o demon

fhate y traverfillg theM,atter a little further,

and giving us his Report offome Notions that

were entertain d of it in feveral Families,with

whom he had been frequently debating upon

its

Ety11lologJ before

tbat Even,ing: tho

he

was fo fly not to make any of us in the

leafr privy to it rill that Moment.

T cnoClor began his Repott with d e ~

elaring

he

ha9

found

ffiQ1t

People

of

Opinion

that the 111 i tnlls in difpute, was a modem

Name: and was thought by a Perfon in one

Family to have been invented y its Authol: .

in the way of a 1Jew- ajhioll d Family id-

dIe:

and therefore they argued

upon

it

in

the

familiar Phrafe of iddlemy Ridd e my

Ree, c. . But the DoUor aifur d us,. that

after a tedious Debate ended, none of them

could find out neither wbat this o m t ~ s

- -

could be,

nor

who.

I another Family he raid where they

-were difputi9g -npon the V ord; a Nztr{e

who was leading a Child about the

ROOlll,

put in her Verditt and begg d her Lady

would give her Leave to 1l1ake Ufe of th t

~ o r d Mf mm for the l?:eeping little. Maller

in Awe When he was naughty, inqead of

.Rawbeadalld :Qloody·bol cS : for ~ thought

founded ~ ~ a more gen.teel.Name,th,an

. . either

•

•

•

-

•

•



(

either them, or : S l t g g a 7 o w ~ Her I,idy repri

manded

her, -

- bid her

mind

the

Cradle,

-

n rejoin d her Thoughts upon.Momzts, with

thofe of the Company: whiCh aIilOunted to

no more tnan the Opinion of others, who ge

nerally us d.to fay, Let Momzb.S have a M e a l ~ -

ing

or

no

Meaning;

or

be

it

what,

or who

it

wou d? ¥ M us had co/ them great

t{calof,MoliCY to no purpofe, mid t t w s

ll they kl1ew of it.

•

I

N

the next

Family, . where

the whole

COl1verfation wasengag d upon the fame En

quiry, the 'Do'ilor faid, be could reach no

nearer to the Meaning of J.lomzts, than he

bad done before; and he confefs d, that in

all

his

VUits

he

had not met

with

one who

lik d it : F o r ~ notwithHanding iheyhad been

at the H012[e where the Creature was jh(}Wll,

and exam in d the whole Matter; they could

not maKe any thing of it all agreeing, that

it feem d to them like a Man making a [ld

Noife,

very

dreNd,

,md

a

thing

that no-body could tell what to make of;

nlOFe than that, every-body faid, ifthat was

M o m z t s ~ he feem d to be got i ZtO ver)' bad

Cumpm2J'; joining with others in their Con

cJuGoa;

That lv[omus

had

cqft

them

de-

r:;ilijh deal of MOlle) which the <jJoffor

faid, they to convince him, prodllc c1 the o -

10win?; :Bill E: ptllCfS for their Family the

fufi N i g ~ t Ex-

•



5 )

Expended in Sir Bumpbry Snarle s Family for the

. Account of the New Entertainment l l ~ d

O US viz

For Coach-hire to Lincoln-1}m-Fieltls .00 I

.

one

oftheir

own Horfes bemg lame.

Four Places·in the Side-Box for the

Old Lady, her two Daughters, and

the Young Gentleman theirnrfi: 01 I 0

Coufin,) One Guinea. Which was

I

s.

in the

Box-keeper s

Pocket.

The Book of Momus. -

•

00 I

Tea in the Boxes, and Orange Chips.· 00 2 ,

Coach Home.

_.

=

00

I

6

Befides Expenees in dreffing for the

new Entertainment, Extra Milinary

Ware; fuch as Political Gaufe-Heads

for encouraging the SpittleJields Wea- -21

vers,inPiquetoth.eOHendTrade, c.

r .

together with feveral other ~ e c e f r y :

Eaubles, a d SupperJpoifd. - Mo.. ,

deftly judg d in t h ~ Whole at about .

o 0

.-- - ......;.

Total 22 8 0

-

,V HIeH Bill it feems made the good old

GC71tlcmau who w ited for them tHome

v itb Impati.ellcc»)

f ~ r e

an

Oath

of

the

Erft

.

Mag=



Magnitude at

their Arrival, that they were

a

Pack

of

inconfiderate

Fools:

For

that

after all their blundering about Riddles and

the Meaning of this, and that, and tother •

tho they could not make it out, twas ain

to him as the NoIe his Face; t t ~ OtltUs

was

Latin

for

two

and

t W ~ 1 z t l

Pou1zds

eigh .

Shillil1gs Sterlilzg.

T Vo ilor at Iafr having {pun out hiS

Difcourfe to the utmoft limits of his Lungsj

came to the following

Clofe of

his

Argu-

ment, which we as heartily long d to hear

ended, as his eager Mind was defirous of

beginning it.

HE

faid

that,

n

{hort,

o m t ~ s

appear d

to him in fome refpetts entertaining enough,

but in others quite contrary. He thought

an indifcreet Title He could make

•

nothing of it and the reft of the Title

feem d

to

him

very

ll

compored.

For

the

\Vord l4 edditzg in it was not P o l i ~ y Mar .

riage not having a Sound fo exceedingly in

viting as it fuould have; nor the Word ~

era did not feem altogether fo pleafing as

it

has

been:

But

as·

for

the Dramatis

Per

{o lltC it look d in his Mind like the Lift of

Tag-Rag ll :Bob. Tail Crew ot wor.

thy his arguing upon, but in the Lump 2

Therefore he g ~ v e us his o..pinionof it in few

,Vord ,



•

VorJs, That

he

believ J

them

to

be

a

Par

eel of very forry ,Vretches, and tho he

knew nothing of one more than the other;

he guefs d the lrJi11ijfer of Fate was meant

for Jack Catch the Scene tl1e A v e l l l t e ~

f ~ r Ncwf,0te, c. andtbe Court 1Jejlill}

for the Old·l1aily.

, Will J31ul1derhz{s rav d confoundedly at

<j)o ilor Puzzlepate for having Sum d up the

Whole, and efpecially in fo few Words, be-

fore he

had divided the

rell:

according

to

.Order, into particular, (and what he call d

proper Q xeftions; which he faid he had

been preparing all the time qttire Tfr07Jg- .

bead and the Voctor were in,de.bate. But

after a fmall Squabble, I affum d the Privi-

lege they gave me of an Arbitrator, and

foon pacified their mutinous InveCtives one

g inft the other, y averring; thett each of

them had fttlly prrr./d by the Excellmc Yof

their TJifcomfes, tbat twas very plain there

was

Mea1Jil1g

ill

allY

one

t h i t ~ g

they

ar

gu d ttpon, more than that y their }r1otto it

appear d that [ome Folks really ~ g h t bet

ter /leal a Hor{e th011 others look occr d

Hedge; and I knew nothing wanting but to

make a due Entry, and clore the Minutes of

the Night with a Memortwdttm with regard

to Titles in gClleral, according to their new

.J.lletbodofCriticifm, y w y of Addce o

a

•



5

•

a New A,mhor, which was agreed to as f 1

1 \ \ 5

'lJiz.

MemormIdztm,

hat

alz

Author

woztld meet with more Sztcce{s in maki12g a

Dramatis Perfonx of the Vt'lJils ill ]7ogtte

whole Pleafitres ;woztld he more dif/Jerti1Ig

thml oue compos d of the mzcicl1t and dc-

cay'd

Gods,

who{c

Virtues

are

out of

Fa-

jhi011, a11d Vices [0 little car'd to he hear

me12ti01z d.

lFill1Jlzmdcrhzt{s, indeed, requefted m e ~ -

being dubb d their Secretary,) that

would

not clofe the whole Matter without adding

two Li12es of his own hatching: and begg d

they might be regijler'd ill H0120ztr of their

J3rotber ronghead i which being done)

we

departed

with

the

Ceremony

of

r e ~

well) God be withyc, Tour Ser lJa12t

l l Good Night. The Lines were,

'As Seeds of Nonfence Juit allClimes,

The

Wrongheads

may

Right

fometimes.

• b ;; h • c .

[Kelly, John] 1730 the Helter Skelter Way of Writing (Ocr)

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Transcript of [Kelly, John] 1730 the Helter Skelter Way of Writing (Ocr)