Keeping The Peace

Peace Made Must Be Kept

In Christ and In Marriage

• Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (Ephesians 4:3).

Unity Must Be Kept In Peace

• Endeavoring – • 1) to hasten, make haste• 2) to exert one’s self, endeavour, give diligence.

• To Keep – • 1) to attend to carefully, take care of• 1a) to guard.

• Unity – • 1) unity• 2) unanimity, agreement

• Bond – • 1) that which binds together, a band, bond.• 1a) of ligaments by which the members of the human body are united together.• 2) that which is bound together, a bundle.

• Peace -• 1) a state of national tranquility.

• 1a) exemption from the rage and havoc of war.

• 2) peace between individuals, i.e. harmony, concord.

Scripture Compares Christ and Church To Marriage

Ephesians 5 follows ch. 4:1-6

• Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

• "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

In Christ and in Marriage Keeping The Peace Takes:

Effort Endeavoring

Focus To Keep

Agreement Unity

Adhesive Bond

Goal Peace

Reasons We Must Keep The Peace

Peace Is Fragile

Peace Is Impacted By Perception

I believe I am in Hell, therefore I am.

Arthur Rimbaud

I am in harmony with all of the people, places and things that surround me in this world. I am at peace.

Unknown

Perception Is Powerful

• Perception is not reality; but it is your reality!

Perception Can Be Challenging

Perception Can Be Impacted By Our Surroundings

You Are What You Think You Are

You can’t change the past, only your perception of it; but you can control the future.

Steven Redhead

What Do You See When You Look In The Mirror?

The Most Important Thing Is How You See Yourself

Importance and Power of Words

• Our words reveal our thoughts.

• Our thoughts produce our actions.

• Our actions produce our lives.

• You are what you think, you think the words you use, you live the words you think!

Perception Profoundly Impacts Feelings

. . . Baylor University psychologists recently interviewed 3,539 married couples. They asked a lot of relationship questions related to the subject matter of their arguments.

These researchers were trying to understand why couples fight. The assumption had been that the results would point to the usual culprits – money, sex, etc.

• But, after the data had been carefully analyzed, it turned out that the tension that actually led to the fight itself almost always related to the deeper issues of whether the partners felt understood or valued.

• one person either feels neglected or controlled.

• Logic will never change emotion or perception.

Edward De Bono

Two Types Of Questions

How might the answers affect peace

• Does my spouse love me?

• Does my spouse support me?

• Does my spouse believe in me?

• Does my spouse respect me?

• Does my spouse care about my feelings, dreams and ideas?

• Does my spouse desire me?

• Do I feel like my spouse loves me?

• Do I feel like my spouse supports me?

• Do I feel like my spouse believes in me?

• Do I feel like my spouse respects me?

• Do I feel like my spouse cares about my feelings, dreamsand ideas?

• Do I feel like my spouse desires me?

• Each of us perceives something about every question and it is our perception that we live.

We live what we feel!

Our feelings will have a profound impact on our ability to keep the peace. We must not minimize each others feelings.

Peace Made Must Be Kept Because Of

The Way Peace Is Made

Warning

Most People Never Reach Peace

You might not be keeping the peace at all, you may have just stopped fighting.

A Peace Treaty

• A peace treaty is an agreement between two or more hostile parties, usually countries or governments, which formally ends a state of war between the parties.

Armistice

Peace

• It is different from an armistice, which is an agreement to stop hostilities.

Surrender

• or a surrender, in which an army agrees to give up arms,

Cease Fire

• or a ceasefire (truce) in which the parties may agree to temporarily or permanently stop fighting.

Ways To Keep The Peace

When The Peace Is Tested

Understand Your Partner's Love Language

Understand Your Partner's Love Language

• According to Dr. Gary Chapman, we each have a primary "love language" that helps us feel loved.

• We may thrive on words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time or physical touch. Chapman believes that thoroughly understanding and acting on your partner's primary love language will help you have the best relationship possible. Learn what exactly makes your partner feel closest to you, and practice it often as a way to keep the peace in your relationship.

Apologize Effectively

Apologize Effectively

• You may have done a few things to hurt your partner unintentionally, but knowing how to apologize will cover a multitude of wrongs. After the next time you do something hurtful to your spouse, look him in the face and apologize sincerely.

• According to Dr. Ben Kim, it is important that you do not say "I am sorry if you were hurt by what I did," because this puts the blame on your spouse instead of on yourself. Truly accepting responsibility for your actions is the only way you can restore your relationship when you have done harm to your spouse.

Apologize immediately

• Apologize immediately – Once the discussion or argument is over, if you’re at fault, apologize and begin getting over it. There’s nothing sillier than someone knowing that they’re wrong, but refusing to apologize. It’s understandable that feelings won’t subside right away and the residue of an argument or heated discussion may remain, and if you can’t give a sincere apology because of that, maybe it is best to wait.

• But all that does is slow the healing process. Be adult about it and consider the good of the relationship. The longer the dark cloud of hurt feelings linger, the more opportunity for resentment to set in. Childishness and pride have destroyed many a relationship. Too many stories of “the one that got away” are in existence all because someone didn’t apologize soon enough.

Understand How to Accept an Apology

Understand How to Accept an ApologyLuke 17:3

• When your spouse apologizes to you, be sure to accept the apology without making her feel worse than she already does. Understand that she had to let go of her pride and become vulnerable to admit she was wrong, and that she wants you to accept her apology.

• Do not make the mistake of using her apology as an excuse to point out her wrongdoings, and never withhold forgiveness from her. By embracing her apology sincerely, you refuse to manipulate her by toying with her feelings.

Communicate Constantly

Communicate ConstantlyRomans 12:10

• Communication is one of the most basic ways you can keep peace with your spouse. Only 7 percent of communication is verbal. The things you do say a lot about your priorities, as well as how much you are willing to sacrifice for the happiness and well-being of your spouse.

• Let your significant other know how much he means to you by performing acts of kindness on a regular basis.

Keep your molehills at a molehill level

Ephesians 4:26; Matthew 5:25-26

• Most arguments can be settled before they even start if situations are addressed quickly. Often things get blown up because one or both persons in the relationship refuse to address problems head on.

• No one wants to have an uncomfortable conversation over something that seems minor. But minor can become major in a heartbeat if not handled right away. Handling this can be the same as handling your health. Preventive maintenance. Don’t wait until you’re on the operating table to learn a thing or two about heart health.

Constant communication

Colossians 3:19

• Constant communication is often talked about in relationships, but only in the sense of making sure people know how you feel.

• Not enough people talk about having uncomfortable conversations as part of that communication. If something is said that you don’t like, say something now. Don’t wait until it’s said seven more times. If something is done that you don’t appreciate, don’t let it fester. Discuss it before it becomes a habit or a way of life. Waiting may cause your complaint to feel like an attack. Molehills are easy, but some mountains can be difficult to ascend.

Don’t Make Conversations Interrogations

Never be afraid to ask for what you want

• There’s no need to be shy now. . . You now have certain rights and expectations. You also have needs that should be met.

• Whether emotional or sexual, people in relationships must be honest about what they need to be happy. More people go outside of their relationship because they aren’t getting what they need within it.

• Most times, a simple conversation could’ve solved that problem. Once you’re in a committed relationship, there’s no more room to be shy or secretive. Let it all hang out. Confusion and frustration are often created in relationships when partners are still expected to be mind readers. The time to make people “read” you was during the dating period. Give your partner the best chance at pleasing you by giving them all of the information they need. If you don’t, you can hardly blame them solely for not meeting your needs.

Keep articles/books like this in perspective

• . . . Columns and books like this one serve a purpose, but it isn’t supposed to be your Bible. Relationship advice should help to enhance your knowledge, not do all the work for you. Don’t lose yourself or your relationship within the lines of the page. No one knows better about what a person needs than they do.

• Therefore, don’t bring too much of an advice columnist, author, radio of television host into your relationship. It’s like bringing another person into the room and if your partner isn’t on board with it, they may resent it. Rather, take what’s written here as a suggestion. Take what is applicable and use it. If it doesn’t work or apply, throw it out. Always consider the people in the relationship first before you assume that someone that doesn’t know you has every answer.

Things That Seek To Destroy Your Peace

Warning The Following Is Graphic

The Following Are Potential Threats To Keeping The Peace Use Extreme Caution.

Extreme Caution!!!!

Arguments Over Babies Can Disrupt Peace

Fatigue Caring For Babies Can Disrupt Peace

Lack of Sex After Babies Can Disrupt Peace

Threats To Peace – Proceed With Caution

A Second Threat To Peace

I’m tired of home projects, well it’s a dream home and I’m still dreaming!

You said you were handy, I didn’t mean with a hammer.

I’ll paint just please tell me what color.

I said I do to you, not to house projects well then hire someone.

Final Threat To Peace

Technology Can Disrupt Peace

No i’m not busy go ahead

Peace Made Must Be Kept

Make sure you are striving to Keep the Peace you worked so hard to achieve.