Keen Observation and Reflective Listening Skills

Observation

-While the word observation may at first seem self explanatory, in truth there are various degrees of observation.

Basic observation Intense observation

Keen Observation

the eagerness and enthusiasm to watch this also refers to the skill in which a person notices things more

when it comes to details than the average person Observation skills are something that everyone has, but it doesn’t

mean that everyone has mastered the use of their observation skills

Benefits in practicing Keen Observation:

You gain more information You are not blinded by the façade You become more patient

Tips on How to become a keen observer:

Practice Makes Perfect

1. Practicing with photos or pictures2. Watching a film or watching television3. Don’t let yourself be overcome by bias4. Experiencing nature

Reflective Listening Skills

“We were given two ears but only one mouth, because listening is twice as hard as talking.“

There are four listening skills and their responses:

1. Attentive listening to focus on the speaker2. Encouraged listening to invite the speaker to continue

3. Reflective listening to mirror the feelings and content in the message4. Active listening to show empathy with the speaker

Reflective Listening Skills

Some principles of reflective listening:

More listening than talking Responding to what is personal rather than to what is impersonal,

distant, or abstract. Restating and clarifying what the other has said, not asking questions

or telling what the listener feels, believes, or wants. Reflective Listening Skills Trying to understand the feelings contained in what the other is

saying, not just the facts or ideas. Working to develop the best possible sense of the other's frame of

reference while avoiding the temptation to respond from the listener's frame of reference.

Responding with acceptance and empathy, not with indifference, cold objectivity, or fake concern.

Advantages of Reflective Listening

Used appropriately, reflective listening may provide three very positive results:

The listener gains information. The relationship between the two persons develops. The activity arouses and channels motivational energy.

Transactional Analysis

Transactional analysis (TA) : a method of understanding behavior in interpersonal dynamics.

Provides helpful models for leadership styles Used with organizational development Used to help managers operate effectively within other cultures

Four methods of understanding & predicting human behavior

Structural analysis – within the person Transactional analysis – 2 or more people Game analysis – understanding transactions that lead to bad feelings Script analysis – understand a person’s life plan

Script analysis – everyone develops a life script by age 5 & these scripts determine how one interacts with others based upon the interpretation of external events

• A negative life script occurs when the person receives lots of injunctions by the parents that used the word DON’T

TA Ego States or Personality Aspects

Transactional Analysis

Three Basic Concepts: Parent, Adult and Child

Transactions: Among P, A and C

P < -- > P A < -- > A C < -- > C

There are 9 possible transactions

The Three Ego States

1. Parent- “Do as I do”2. Child- “What shall I do?”3. Adult- “I will be frank with you”

We Are

1. Child2. Adult 3. Parent in our Transactions. Biological conditions are irrelevant to these ego states. We shift from one ego state to another in transactions.

Shift in Ego States

Parent- “Why don’t you prepare a time-table?” Child- “What is the point when one cannot follow it?” – Becomes an

Adult.

Structural analysis

Natural child – spontaneous, impulsive, feeling oriented, self-centered & pleasure loving

Adaptive child – compliant, conforms to the wishes & demands of parental figures

Nurturing parent - comforts, praises and helps others Critical parent – finds faults, displays prejudices, disapproves and

prevents others from feeling good about themselves A major goal is to figure out which ego state a person is using

Life Positions

The Descriptive Model in Transactional Analysis

Negative controlling parent communicates a you're Ok message. The mode of the person is retaliatory or punitive.

Negative Nurturing Parent communicates a you're Not Ok message. The mode of the person is overprotective and too overwhelming.

Negative adapted Child communicates a I'm Not Ok message. The mode of the person is unrealistic and anxious.

Negative Free Child asserts a You're Not Ok message The mode of the person is wild and unrestricted.

Positive Nurturing Parent asserts a You're Ok message. The mode of the person is caring and affirming.

Positive Controlling Parent asserts a You're Ok message. The mode of the person is caring but firm.

Positive Adapted Child emphasizes an I'm Ok message. The mode of the person is passionate in learning the rules to help him survive.

Positive Free Child emphasizes an I'm Ok message. The mode of the person is fun-loving, curios, and energetic.

Accounting mode communicates a We're Ok message. The person here is stable and can choose from the effective modes to go into, depending on the situation.

Clues in knowing ego states:

Words Tones Tempo of speech Expressions Postures Gestures Breathing, and Muscle tone

Neuro Linguistics Programming

NLP is a system that allows us to “read” people more sensitively and respond to them more effectively.

Mirroring, which is one of several techniques, is the art of copying another person's behavior to create a relaxed communication situation. “Birds of a feather flock together.”

If we LOOK nonverbally just like someone.

Specifically, this is how you mirror:

-Match other person's tempo or voice tone. -Match body movements, posture and gestures. -Subtlety is everything. -A very important point about gesturing is that we only gesture when we

speak. -Do it naturally.

“Listening is being silent in an active way.”

Types of Transactions

Complementary: o Occurs when the sender of the message gets the intended

response from the receiver.o Result in more effective communication with fewer hurt feelings

and arguments. Crossed:

o Occurs when the sender of a message does not get the expected response from the receiver.

o Result in surprise, disappointment, and hurt feelings for the sender of the message.

Complementary Transactions: Appropriate and Expected Transactions indicating healthy human relationships.

Communication takes place when transactions are complementary. A stimulus invites a response; this response becomes a stimulus inviting further response and so on.

Crossed Transaction: This causes most difficulties in social situations. “May be, you should improve your teaching”. “You always find fault with me whatever I do” Parent-Child interaction.

Typical Games

Between A shop keeper and a house wife: “This one is better, but you cannot afford it” Between A Teacher and a Student: “This is a good topic, but you cannot handle it.” Between an Expert and a Candidate: “What you just said is totally wrong”