Kabbalah The Psalms of David.doc

8/9/2019 Kabbalah The Psalms of David.doc

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Archives - Psalms

A psalm for King David

Did you wake up in the middle of your life and nd yourself in a dark

forest?Did you wonder what happened to the rst 50 years? Did you spend somany years being good, being smart, being kind, for nothing? Hasdeath taken you by the hand, and beome your friend? Has death saidto you! "#ou do not have forever$ %he time is now$ Do it now$ %ransformnow$ &eome holy now$'How is it possible to work so hard, try so hard, and be at thebeginning?(t)s like limbing a mountain, working for hours! the ground seemsfurther and further away, and the top is no loser$ *hen your e+ortsome to nothing, turn to Hashem$ ive up, like a hild holding its arms

up, waiting for Daddy to lift you on high, with -oy and without e+ort$.eah up for Hashem//reah without words, reah with longing, reahwith a broken heart, and he will lift you, swing you, radle you, arryyou$ *hy not? #ou are His$ tep o+ the li+ in one blinding moment oftrust, and He will be there$ *hy not? #ou are His$ Alone it is too hard$How an we purify? How an we pray, and bless and love Hashem, andalso take are of ourselves? How an we do the morning prayers, andalso take are of the physial, emotional, mental and spiritual? Howan we love our family, our friends, and our work? How an we growand mature and hange? How an we do all of this with -oy, peae, andtrust? (t is too hard$ Alone, it is impossible$

*e need Hashem$ *e will do our part$ %he di+erene is the surrender,the abandonment of ego, the abandonment of illusions$ Alone, ( annoteven breathe, and ( have no power, no wisdom$ &ut ( an 1oat inHashem$ ( an ll with -oy, peae and trust, ( an let go of everythought, e+ort, ation$ ( an surrender and say, "( will do #our will$' (an 1oat in Hashem like a baby in a womb, bobbing along in the sea oflife, supported, held up, a1oat$ And then ( an rela2, ( an let the -oy1ow in, ( an ll with love$ ( an say, "#ou are mine and ( am #ours$ #ouare my /d3 ( am your human$' ( an merge with Hashem$ ( am 1oatinginside, safe at last, free at last, able to breathe at last// splitting into

many beings, a babe with up/lifted arms waiting to be lifted up, andalso a woman wrapping her arms around her beloved$ ( am risingupright through the sky, head falling bak, leading with the heart,waiting only to merge with Hashem$ 4art of me looks like a personooking, eating, walking a dog, but the rest of me is spinning wildlyinto Hashem$ %he wasted years are nothing! one seond with Hashemis worth it all$ ne seond of merger and there is only peae and -oy$ %he mountain is still tall, the hopes are never ending, and there is a



song in my heart$ ( know all the patriarhs, sages, and rebbes whohave been here before me$ ( -oin with them and bless and thankHashem, and ( say, 67uotAmen$8

9:;:09


*hy do we love King David? %he sweet singer of songs//he is so grand3he is larger than life$ aul killed his thousands, but David killed his tensof thousands$ David is Hashem<s warrior$ ( annot write about him, ( amtoo onsumed with love$ All his vitories swirl before me3 they makeme di==y$ *hen he ried, he ried a up of tears$ *hen he ried, he

soaked his mattress$ *hen he loved Hashem, he loved Hashem$ Andwho am (? *hen will ( learn from David?( am restrained, 7uiet3 my words are whispers, my wishes are tiny, myhopes are small$ #et ( long for David3 ( reah for David3 ( merge withDavid$ o, who am (? (s David inside me, ready to burst forth? *howould ( be? How would ( sing,dane, move, pray, if ( ould nd David inside me? ( long to paint on alarge anvas with bold strokes of wild olors$ ( long to sing sweet andlear$( long to merge with Hashem and not are what anyone whowalks the earth thinks$ ( long to be up all night praying and singing toHashem$ ( long to disappear and ll with Hashem and do only His will$ (

reah out for all of my people in this world and the world beyond whoread King David night and day, day and night, and with them ( wait tobe transformed, enlarged, solidied, dissolved, energi=ed$ ( wait to gofrom blak and white to olor$ ( want to -oin with everyone who readsKing David and together, as one, to walk into his energy and burst intohis gift of love and strength$ ( thank David and Hashem for this -ourneyand ( say, 67uotAmen$8

3/8/03


%his year my psalm is 5;$ (t is a psalm for me read every day, for ayear$ (t)s about King David)s anger$ He reminds us that "%he wiked aredeant from birth3 the liars go astray from the womb$' He prays to /d!"mash their teeth in their mouths3 shatter the fangs of lions, >ord,let them melt, let them vanish like water, like a snail that melts away



as it moves, like a woman<s still birth, may they never see the sun' (must read this psalm daily for a year$ (t teahes me about myself$ ( amso ivili=ed, so subdued, so eager to forgive, so willing to understand$ (have been the perfet vitim$ Kik me and ( will feel sorry for you$ Kikme and ( will ontemplate why you do so$ Kik me and ( will feel your

pain$ Kik me and ( will think ( always had more than you$ *hat a fool (was o, every day, for a year, ( take my mediine$ ( open my mouthwide3 swallow a new vision3 taste a new reality$ ( step into King David,Hashem warrior, eradiating evil before it destroys him$ How lean itwas then//men with swords$ &ut my enemies ome at me with words,twisted logi, murmurings, unspoken demands$ %hey are willing todestroy me without my even knowing$

@ow, at age 5, ( start to see and hear$ ( start to reah for David3 ( startto move towards David$ (, too, ask Hashem to let me be free, to let melive$ Do ( ask Hashem to smash my enemies? %o let them shrivel like

snails on parhed land? %o let them be like a stillbirth? ( am still too ivili=ed, but ( am intrigued$(n truth ( am fasinated, e2ited, ama=ed$ ( ask Hashem for protetion$*hat happens to my enemies is in their hands$ (f they retreat andleave me alone, there is no need for smashing$ (f they ontinue toome at me with twisted logi, murmured words, unspoken demands3 if they are willing to destroy me, then ( beg Hashem for protetion$ ( takeDavid<s hand and ( say, ">ord who is my refuge and my stronghold, my/d in whom ( trust, ( take refuge in #ou$' %he words thrill me$( don)t altogether know what they mean3 but ( do know that ( am willingto say them$ ( am moving towards David and moving towards Hashem,

with -oy and relief$ ( thank #ou and bless #ou and say, 67uotAmen$8

9:B:09


(n one hand ( hold a note! "#ou ame from a putrid drop$' (n the otherhand ( hold a di+erent note! "Cor you the world was reated$' (t<s a

balane$ ( understand the putrid drop//it is so easy to be asleep, to bea spetator, to reat slowly, or not at all, to turn into a tortoise//large,prehistori, slow/moving, observing, sleeping, moving slowly, assumingthere is nothing that an be done$ "( ame from a putrid drop$ Cor methe world was reated$' %his is hard to say, to write, to think$ How anit be? Cor eah of us there is only one person and Hashem$ %he rest isillusion, lessons, puppets, ontrats$ ( know this$$ How an it be? Andyet there is some plae deep inside me, a soft underbelly, that



wonders, that hears it like a story heard before3 that remembers frombefore %ime$ ome part of me rela2es, feels safe, feels reogni=ed,feels eager to get started and to hange the world$

@ot a tortoise$ &ut what? A ga=elle leaping through the air? A gira+e

looking around and seeing endlessly? An eagle 1ying through the sky?r, is it a patriarh? (s it King David? Have ( piked up his energy? Have( read him enough? Dreamed him enough? tood in the desert, holdinghis hand and rying out to Hashem enough? Has his essene started to1ow into me, pervade me, penetrate deep into my ells? Am ( ready todare, to hope, to dream, to at? Am ( ready to know? As below, soabove3 as above, so below$ ould it be true, even for me? *hy notAnd, if it were true, how would ( at, think, pray? *hat if my wildestdreams are the tip of the ieberg? *hat if all this power and energymerges with total humility? *hat if my truth is your truth? ( am notbetter than you or speial or di+erent, beause you an do it too$ *hat

if ( do it, not to out/distane you, pass you, shame you, or onfuse you,but to inspire you, assure you, tell you that your path will be di+erentbut even higher? Am ( so ashamed of e2elling? %he tortoise has nosuh torments$ How long an ( plod in the dust? *hy an ( not have thesplendor ( promise others? ometimes my mind is too small3 the bo2 inwhih ( live and think is too tight$ %hen ( give up$ ( go to sleep and begHashem to transform me while ( sleep//while my ego annot ght,while my mind annot try to "help$' ( go to sleep, searhing for David,searhing for Hashem$ Already ( an feel it, already ( know ( will awakeless of a tortoise$ Ey sleep will be more//the sleep of night and less thesleep of poppy elds$ Ey ourage will rise$ ( am getting ready to step

o+ the li+, into the unknown$ Ey terror is transforming intoe2itement$ ( am so tired3 ( long for Hashem$ ( dissolve into His arms,thank Him and say, 67uotAmen$8

3/11/03


*hat kind of Few am (? ( am a Few from another time$ ( am walking into

prayer$( know not Hebrew$ Ey mistakes ould light up the sky$ Cor 50 years (was a seular Few, a three/day/a/year Few, a Few who long ago believedin a /d with a white beard$ @ow, ( have ome home to Hashem$ %he50 years without Him make every moment so sweet, so full$ ( love Him,( adore Him, ( long for Him, ( merge with Him$ ( read the %orah3 it is Hislove letter$ f ourse ( are Eost days, ( walk alone and talk out loudwith Him for an hour a day$ ome part of me did this long ago$ ( was in



the hills alone with Hashem, totally happy, lled with peae$ >ong ago (sang to Him, daned for Him, loved Him, adored Him, longed for Him,in the hills long ago$ ( annot e2plain how ( merge with Hashem$ ( oulddo it all day, if ( didn<t get so overwhelmed by .eality$ (, like you, getdistrated by family, friends, work//in a word, by .eality$ &ut Hashem is

always there for me3 for you too$ (t is simply a matter of tuning in,taking time, slowing down$ ( an nd Him, and so an you$ (t<s a matterof reali=ing that to worship Him is Heaven on Garth$ *hy would we doanything else instead of this? And yet, we do$

( am a Few who loves Hashem, and then forgets$ %he return is so sweet$( am a Few who takes omfort from the prayers, the rituals, theommunity, and ( am a Few who walks alone and pours out her heart toHashem$ ( am a Few from long ago, walking the hills, alone withHashem! ( saw birds, ( heard the sound of water, ( wathed animals$Gverything was Hashem$ ( loved Hashem$ Gah day$ And the night was

even better3 at night there were no distrations$ (n the day, everythingwas Hashem$ At night, there was only Hashem$ ( loved the dark$ ( neverneeded people3 ( needed solitude so ( ould melt into Hashem$ %oday (am the same$ ( love people, ( want to help, ( have a big heart$ %ug onme and ( will respond$ &ut how ( love to be alone with Hashem (sn<t ittrue for you? (f you fall in love, if you are lled with passion, all youwish is to rae to your beloved$ (t is always true$ %hat is how ( am withHashem$ %he true prayers are seret$ %o share them, they must bewatered down, diluted, and never shared in their full intensity$ %heyan be alluded to, hinted at$ ( an say, 67uot( love Hashem, ( adoreHashem, ( long for Hashem,' but ( ould never e2plain how or why$ (

would be too bare, stripped naked, without skin$ ( will tell you thatsometimes ( say, "ur father ur king' And, sometimes ( say,"Daddy' ( annot remember being very young$ &ut ( an walk into thefeeling of it$ ( an be in a plae of total trust, total peae, total safety$Ey Cather an protet me$ Ey Cather, Ey Cather//( an sink into thosewords$ He is so large that my smallness is not a problem$ He is sosmart that my onfusion is nothing$ He is so farsighted that myblindness is overed$ %hat is how my mind tries to e2plain it$ (n myheart, sometimes ( say, "Daddy Daddy' ( let Him lift me high, protetme, herish me, adore me$ And ( know that (, His pitiful reature whohas done nothing to deserve it, am 1ying through the air, ooing and

gurgling, speehless, laughing, heart bursting with -oy$ (t<s 5 o)lok,and Daddy is home$ (t<s summertime and the living is easy$ (t<s everygood memory from this life and every other life, all of them rolled intoone$ (<ve never said it out loud, though in my heart (<ve alled him"Daddy$' erets$

*hat kind of Few am (? (t<s late at night$ (<ve not read the prayersbefore going to bed$ (<ve not read my psalm for the year or the psalms



for the seventh day of the month$ ( want to write and write and write$ (am so in love with Hashem, ( am so lled with passion for Him$ ( aheto be alone with Him$ ( ould do it with ritual prayer or by reading thepsalms of my beloved King David or by pouring my passion into mywords or by going to sleep and begging Hashem to speak to me

through my dreams$ *hat kind of Few am (? ne who annot even tellyou what hoie ( will make$ ne who does not even know if one hoieis higher, or more proper, or halahially orret, but also one whoknows that no matter what ( do,( will merge with Hashem tonight$ *ild, wild horses ould not keep meaway$@othing will stop me$ erets$

ometimes ( all Hashem, 67uotEy &eloved$8 ( thank Him and blessHim and as ( am about to nish, ( remember the most important part$>ast week ( thought! "%hank /d, /d will never die, ( ould not bear it$'

(n really good marriages, eah person wishes to go rst and not be leftalone, or wishes to go seond, to be there to help the other leave$ (was so glad to go rst and to leap into Him3 ( was so glad that ( wouldnever have to lose Him$ *hat kind of Few am (? A Few who is so happyto know ( will go rst$ ( thank Hashem and bless Him and ( say,67uotAmen$8

9:I:09

n Cebruary , I009, my father and ( started to talk to #it=hakhwart= an hour a week, by telephone, in Ferusalem$ *e started bye2ploring the onept of innity, as e2plained by Allen Afterman in hisbook Kabbalah and Consciousness$ #it=hak asked! "How do we aessour subonsious mind, our right brain, the huge library of informationof what we have learned, that goes bak to previous lives andsuperonsiousness? How do we touh innity?' He gave me a list ofhow to get there$ He tells me that ( dip into it by aident, but he wantsme to live there, to notie what makes it happen and then ativelypursue that state$ n 9:9:09, an auspiious day, #it=hak is talking

about innity! "%he idea of innity onsiousness$ A person tries to seehow to hook into it in day/to/day life$ (f you want to write books, whatbooks will partake of innity? *hih writer has his hands on innity?Eake innity number one$ #ou must shoot for it, pursue it$8

How an ( pursue this in my life? *ho do ( see who is a writer, andtuned into a sub-et that is never/ending? (nnity must be number one$( have a friend who wrote a book alled Children Speak About



Themselves$ &ut this is going to be my story! this will be able whathappened to me3 what ( did$ ( must hoose something everyone isinterested in$ ( live in a town of I0,000 people//many of them areyoung, married, and religious$ (t is a town of Hesed, of people giving ofthemselves$ Gveryone works to give time, money, servie$ ne friend

plunged into innity through harity//providing goods and servies,lending and giving$ all him, and if there)s anything you need, he<ll nda way for you to get it, and for free &ring innity down to the day/to/day$ %urn everything into innity$ Eeditation$ *ath the four/lettername of /d3 breathe the name$ (f ( an do it with depth ofonentration, ( an go beyond myself in ,000 di+erent situations$

(n BBB ( wrote about ve psalms per day$ @ow ( have no ability towrite$ ( annot write a memo$ *hen ( wrote those psalms, it felt as if (was "taking ditation,' as if the words were 1owing through me andout of me$ ( showed my psalms to #it=hak when he ame to Ameria$

He said, "( an only tell you these were not written on this earth$'&eause he said those words, a year and a half later ( alled and askedif ( ould learn with him$ @ow he had given me my rst assignment, totouh innity$ ( deided to go bak to writing psalms, but withtrepidation, and with no idea whether they would be mine or whetherthey would help me touh innity$ (n the ne2t week ( wrote four psalms$( thought that would be my best shot at innity$

And so ( all .$ #it=hak hwart=, in Ferusalem$ ( read my psalms$ (have no idea what he will say$ Did ( Jthe person write them, or was (the vessel? #it=hak says they ome from an open, 1owing, reating

plae$ "%he same plae it ame from, it went into you,' he says$ Heasks where they ame from$ an ( summon that up again? ( think, all (have to do is sit down, disappear, and write$ ( think ( an do it again$ %ogether we are learning Allen Afterman<s Kabbalah andConsciousness. n pg$ B, Afterman writes! "Fudaism seeks to uniteman<s eyes with /d<s eyes, that man may see as muh as is humanlypossible as /d sees$' #it=hak says! "*e an see the world in a low,normal way or in a godly fashion$' He has it when he is teahing onhabbos, trying to teah from that plae where he is a spetator,wathing himself teah$ Gntertained$ "/d reated us in His image$ AD@A ode of the whole universe$ /d took ounil with the universe, to

reate man$ He plugged in the entire funtion of the universe into man$ %hat is what it means to reate man )in our image$) *e annot fathomHis essene$ *e an do what He does$ (t<s a template, a bridge, theerot bridge that He uses as a template for showing what theuniverse is about$ Ean is now aligned with all dimensions$ All he has todo is tap into it//tap into time and spae$ Ean and the world are both amap$ an plug into the map in me and light up the world$ an plug intotime in me and align with that time$'



A psalm for King David$

%o see with /d<s eyes$ *hat does that mean? ( tell #it=hak, "( havenever done that, not for one moment$ *hat does it mean?' He does itwhen he teahes$ #it=hak e2plains, "( am a spetator$ ( never knowwhat will ome out$ ( am entertained$' %o see with /d<s eyes$ "(nsteadof seeing people for what they are, see them for what they ouldbe,'says #it=hak$

%o see with /d<s eyes$ ome people want to hide from Hashem$ @otme$ ( beg Him to see me, to look at me$ ( wonder what He sees$ Eyenergy enters? Ey aura? Ey onnetion to the divine? Does He seespinning wheels of olor? Has my heart opened? Have my olors

beome bright and even? Am ( moving up from the physial to theemotional? Crom the emotional to the mental? Crom the mental to thespiritual? Has He burned away everything that holds me down? Am (transforming? ( wonder what he sees$ ( beg Him to look$ ( say, out loud,"%his is it, this is what we have to work with$ *hat will we do?' (assume we<re a team$ ( assume there is something that an be doneabout my onfusion, my tortoise self, my drifting into the poppy elds,my anger, my fear, my doubt$ *ho am ( to have a problem so large, soesoteri, that Hashem annot 2 it$ @o, He will know what to do$ He willhelp// in more ways than ( an know, in more ways than ( an ount$ Hewill help$ &ut rst, He must see$

( reah for my beloved David, 4salm I5! "Do not bring to mind the sinsof my youth, nor my transgressions3 remember me in aordane withyour loving kindness, beause of #our goodness, >ord$' *hen Davidsings, my heart breaks and ( say, "Ee too, Hashem, me too$' Ey sinsand transgressions do not worry me$ f ourse they are there$ *henHashem sees them, He an help me$ %o see with /d<s eyes$ *hat is itwe all long for? %o be seen3 to be known$ *e think we are invisible,plodding through life alone, and then, when we are known//the shokof reognition, the -oy (t is ine2pliable$ *hy should it matter somuh?

Ey father is ;$ *hen he looks at me, it is with suh pure love$ ( wantto turn away$ (t is like looking into the sun$ How an ( mean so muh toa person? (t is unbearable$ (t makes life worth living$ Ey son is I0$ He isautisti$ ( look at him like my father looks at me//pure love, an oean of love, a burning re of love$ *hat does my father see in me? *hat do (see in my son? Ey father does not see the woman who stumbles andfalls, the woman who has fears and doubts, the woman who an be



paraly=ed by the unkindness of others$ %hat woman is there, he -ustdoesn<t see her$ He sees someone else! he sees a being of light whodoes servie for her father and her son, to help them and to swim intoHashem$ He sees someone who adores him, beyond reason3 someonewho strokes his soft skin and begs him to stay on the earth for one

more minute, one more hour, one more year$ He sees someone wholoves him and believes that his e2istene gives her life meaning$ And,that woman is there$ *hen ( see my son, ( don<t see autism3 ( don<t seewhat he annot do$ ( see his soul, his pure soul! not knowing how to lie,inherently good, onneted to Hashem the way infants are$ ( ould goblind looking at the light of my son$ o maybe ( do know about seeingwith od<s eyes$ ould ( e2pand it? ( talk to #it=hak one a week$ *eseem to read one sentene in an hour$ ( ontemplate it for a week$ %hisweek ( look at people! ( wonder how high they might be, what giftsthey have, and how their love and harater will unfold$ ( wonder whatto say, how to enourage, support, help them$ How to let them know

they an make it3 they an see with od<s eyes$

%here are people in my life who will hurt me$ ( go bak and forthbetweenfear and anger$ ()m not proud of either reation$ &ut their attaks arereal, not imagined$ And ( am not the only one! the world is full ofabused women, women afraid to ask for a divore, women who plaatemen to avoid their rage$ ( am not alone$ *hat would it be like to seewith od<s eyes Cirst, ( would reali=e that it<s all a puppet show, withpeople playing roles so that Hashem an teah me something$ ( knowthis$ (t)s not a lesson ( am eager to learn3 it<s not a lesson Hashem is

eager to teah$ (f ( am honest, if ( say, ">ook at me,' learly, it<s theonly lesson ( need$ ( may hate it, fear it, pray for it to go away, but ( willdo it$ %o see with od<s eyes! that means to see learly, to see what is,to step into reality where there are no lies and no pretending thateverything is okay$ (f someone an hurt me, ( must get away3 ( mustdistane myself$ %he hate and the fear are the hate and fear of a hildfeeling out of ontrol, feeling life itself is threatened$ ( am out ofontrol$ ( do feel my life is threatened, but when ( feel hate and fear, (am not seeing with /d<s eyes$

%he puppet show! %he man who threatens and hurts me, this man

evolved the way he did so that /d ould give me the hane to leaveGgypt, to walk into the desert, leaving behind everything ( know$ Gvery Few has their personal Ggypt$ Gvery 4assover is your speial time to -ump, break free, walk into the sea of reeds, or to get sared and builda golden alf$ @ot 9,000 years ago but today$h, yes Cor me3 and for you$ %oday, seeing with /d<s eyes the personhurting us, the keeper of the keys$ *hat do you say about the @a=iguard? %he husband you fear? %hat he had a bad hildhood? Do you



-oin with King David in 4salm 5;, " od, smash their teeth in theirmouth3 shatter the fangs of lions, >ord3 let them melt, let themvanish like water3 like a snail that melt away as it moves, like awoman<s stillbirth, may they never see the sun' How ( love thosewords How ( love David, Hashem<s warrior, eradiating evil eeing

with od<s eyes, ( am a work in proess$ ( have no answer$ ( yield toHashem$ ( say! "( don<t knowwhat #ou see$ (<ll move in that diretion$ (<ll do better eah day with myfather and my son3 with friends and with strangers$ >et me pratie$>et me grow into it$>et the events ( so fear ome to pass$ >et me walk out of Ggypt andblow the illusion of family sky high$ 4erhaps when the dust settles, ( willsee with od<s eyes$' Ey inability to do this with those who hurt memakes me determined to do it elsewhere$ (f ( annot do it yet in theenter of my torment, let me not miss a hane to do it every otherplae in my life$

Do ( speak for you? (s anyone else out there like me? Are you trappedand impotent? Does "Ggypt' mean "narrow?' Are the bars so tight youannot break free? 4art of me lls with fear and hate$ 4art of me knowsthat ( annot see my tormentor with /d<s eyes$ ( am blind, but /d isnot$ ( know that /d an pull me out$ /d an pull me to safety$ ( don<tknow how3 ( don<t know when, ( don<t know what it will look like$ %hat isalways the way it is for everyone leaving Ggypt$ therwise it<s alled,"taking a walk$' (t<s nothing$ >eaving Ggypt is one in a lifetime$ $ Don<tgo to sleep Don<t miss it eeing with /d<s eyes is a -ourney! oneyou start, it transforms you$ %he rst issue is, "Am ( safe?' Ey soul says

"#es,' but my body says "@o$' Ey soul says, ">eave or you will die, andthe true you will be the stillbirth$'

%he Fews go to Ggypt as honored guests, and then beome slaves$ %hesoul enters the body as an honored guest, and then beomes a slave$Ey soul, "she is pure$' Ey soul longs to be free$ Ey mind:body:egodoes not feel safe$ (t is franti$ (t does not believe in Hashem$ Ey soulis trapped in my body$ Ey soul is praying for me to evolve and leavemy body far behind$ Ey soul says, "#ou are safe$ Fump Fump now #ou are safe$'

%he seond issue$ >et<s say that ( will -ump, and in ways beyond myunderstanding Hashem will ath me$ (t is ordained, only ( don<t knowit$ %his seond issue is this! will He snath me from the lion<s den, weakand helpless, blind and unknowing, beause of His grae, ompassion,and kindness?r, will He snath me from the lion<s den with my eyes wide open,wathing all the players, my breath slow and deep, as ( see with od<s



eyes? (f my fear and doubt and hatred win, od might haveompassion and pull me out$ He might yank me out of the unbearable,let me rest and heal until ( an alm down and go through the rest ofmy life, seeing with /d<s eyes$ ( would not be ashamed$ ( would falldown on my fae and thank /d$ &ut there is still time for grae3 still

time for me to slow down, breathe deeply, and see with His eyes as (am in the lion<s den and as ( am yanked out$ %he answer will not ometoday$ (t<s a proess3it<s a -ourney$ ( thank /d for giving me this -ourney$ ( thank Him andbless Him and say, 67uotAmen$8

9:L:09

4urim$

( speak to #it=hak hwart=$ He opens with Aryeh Kaplan, "(nnerpae,' p MB/50, on the topi of Ani and Ain$ "Ani' is "($' (t is thehighest level of soul$ %he deepest level of "me' is "Ain,' whih is"nothingness$' .$ Kaplan says! "%his would seem to imply that the real)me) is the )nothingness) within me$' #it=hak ontinues! 67uot%heessene of 4urim is that the Fews were in the most dangerous,vulnerable situation of history$ A deree for destrution has ome fromthe king Himself, Hashem$ %he king in the story, Ahasuerus, is thepuppet$ Hashem is talking through him$ (t<s a puppet show$ %his is a

deree that ame 9,000 years ago, but we go through it again everyyear$ All holidays, all %orah is like that$ *hen the situation is bleak,dark, hopeless, and the king Himself has said that on suh a day wewill be wiped o+ the fae of the earth, the only thing that will help us is"Ain,' egolessness, nothingness, the deepest, most godly, holy part ofa person$ ummon that part to the front line, and you will bring downmirales that overome the most hopeless situation$ Gsther knew sheould die$ he said! )(f (<m lost, (<m lost$) *hy does she say )lost) twie? %he impliation is as though she said! )( will be lost in this world and (will be lost in the world to ome$ &ut ( am willing to do it$) %his broughtdown a saving from a holoaust and a type of mirale aessible to

every single Few for eternity$ After the golden alf, Eoses spoke toHashem! )@ow, if you will forgive their sin, well and good3 but if not,erase me from the reord whih #ou have written' JG2odus 9I!9I$Eoses went into Ain$ *e try in our drunkenness to go into Ain andbring down these mirales$ %his is the essene of 4urim$ tand out ofthe way and let Hashem do it through us$ %his is another way to seethrough /d<s eyes$ %hen we an bring down ama=ing mirales, like4urim$8




*ho am ( to write a psalm? (, thank /d, am nothing$ ( learned, long

ago, to step aside, to not be there, to not be$ ne time this sared me$( did a meditation where ( was asked to fous on my feet and then letthem go, and then proeed to do the same for my whole body, movingupward$ *hen ( got up to my eyes ( felt a moment of pani! if ( let go of my eyes, my brain, who would ( be? *here would ( be if ( dissolved,disappeared, let go? *ould ( be in death? (n peae? %here was amoment of terror, and then a feeling of peae, blissfulness, like ( was1oating on the sea of Gternity$ 4urim, Ain//mirales? aving the people?How an it be? How an it not be? Dissolving//( do it when ( walk, when( write, when ( pray$ (t is a blessing$ (t is not 4urim$ *hat is the deree?*hat death sentene faes me today? *hat death sentene faes

you? *hy did Gsther ome? *hat is she to teah us, here, today? *hatis the story of Gsther? Eordihai says! 67uot(f you keep silent in thisrisis, relief and deliverane will ome to the Fews from another7uarter, while you and your Cather)s house will perish$ And who knows,perhaps you have attained to royal position for -ust suh a risis'JGsther M!M$ Eordihai is not worried$ %he people will be safe$ %heissue is Gsther! if she pulls bak, she loses all3 if she pulls bak, shenever does what she was reated to do$

*hat were you reated to do? an you see with /d<s eyes? Do youshare His vision? #our soul made a ontrat with Hashem long ago,

before you had a body$ #our soul beame trapped in your body:mind:ego$ #ou and (, all of us,are like moles in the dark, in darkness so blak we don<t even open oureyes$ And yet, like plants that turn towards the sun, we may not haveeyes but if we<re 7uiet, if Hashem<s grae falls upon us, we have vision$>ike a hild playing a game, searhing, with friends yelling, "warmer,warmer, old, older,' we try to feel the heat, the light3 we try torotate, to align$ *hen we are warm, when we are hot, time stands still$*e breathe deeply and say, "( was born to do this$ Cor this, ( was born$'And, to tune in to your ontrat, you align yourself with Hashem<s will,you risk the death of yourself as you pereive yourself3 you risk the

death of your world as you know it$ >ike rabs in a buket, limbing oneah others< bodies,one will 1ip out, orient, and move towards the sea, towards freedom$ %he ones left behind will not be thankful$ (f you give birth to yourself,to the deepest person you an be, you will step into eternity$ Cor amoment you will be beyond time and spae, staying still, being so7uiet you don<t even breathe, hoping to hear the whisper of Hashemsaying, "warmer, warmer, hot, old, warm,' hoping to orient, hoping to



hear something so true that you know you were reated -ust for thismoment$ Anyone who has done this will bless you, pray for you,support and enourage you$ Anyone who has not done this will feelonfused, annoyed, betrayed$ %hey will pull you bak into the buketaway from freedom, away from the into2iation of the salt air$ %hey will

blame you, mok you, attak you, warn you//it is always so$ &ut oneyou smell the salt air, one you reali=e you are indeed out of thebuket, out of prison, out of Ggypt, you will start to breathe,your soul will start to feel safe, and the hints of Hashem will beomelouder and louder as the path beomes more and more lear$

( ould fold$ ( ould give up$ ( ould be an o2 plodding in irles, inharnessthe rest of my life$ ( ould be the rab at the bottom of the buket,satised that someone else got free$ %hen ( would be Gsther before shewent to the king, before she risked all$ ther people would dream and

pray and transform and (<d have the illusion of safety and miss it all$Gsther ould risk death, or she ould go bak to sleep$ he ould donothing and die with all Fews in a few months, or she ouldrisk everything and die now, living forever in our stories, songs, anddreams$

n eptember , after the %win %owers were hit, a man in a hi-akedplanealled his wife$ He had managed to hear what was happening, heassessed the situation, and then he aused the plane to rashsomewhere in 4ennsylvania$ He died$ Gveryone on the plane died$ %hey

died instantly,not in an hour$ &ut hundreds and thousands of peoplewere saved$ %hat man didn<t have a good hoie! he would die now orin an hour$ He did not go to sleep3 he did not wait for someone else toat$ He brought down the plane$ Gah of us has that hoie$ Cor him, itwas death$ Cor Gsther, it was life$ %here are no guarantees$ Gah of usan do what we were reated for, or we an go bak to sleep, plodthrough life, sleepwalking//an ator in everyone else<s drama, thusaneling our own drama before it even opens$ Cor eah of us whoturns to Hashem<s vision of us, for eah of us who limbs out of thebuket, ignoring the ries of loved ones that warn us we are wrong,ra=y, roking the boat3 for eah of us who says "#es' the world will

shift3 the whole universe will shift$ And this, my friends, is true$ (t isGsther<s gift$ herish it and say "#es' today$ %ogether, let us all step o+the li+, into the life we were reated for$ ( thank and bless Hashemand say, 67uotAmen$8

9:IL:09



#it=hak hwart= is talking about 4aradise mushrooming$ He says, "(n4aradise mode, instead of produing things in a painful way, theproess of produing is as important as what omes in the end$ %heproess itself is a time to be in 4aradise$ ne is being present, with thetotality of higher and lower selves, every moment$ (n a few days we

enter the period of I days that ulminates in hevuot, the reeiving of the %orah$ I is the numerial e7uivalent of Hesed$ %hese are theHesed days, mushrooming, no holds barred$ %his is what /d does forus, what He gives us! abundane and loving/kindness beyond what isneessary$ (n the winter, we are hibernating$ @ow, when the Heseddays start, the whole world, all of nature, bursts into life$ *e blossom,we mushroom, we align with that energy$'

( am a literal person$ %ell me to invite the seven 4atriarhs for uot,and ( spend a whole night feeling too small to talk to Abraham$ ( spendthe ne2t night longing for (saa, piking up his energy, taking his

ditation$ o when #it=hak tells me about Hesed days, my reation isnot asual$ ( want to do this$ ( want to ride on that energy$ *hat Idays? ( ask$ #it=hak is patient$ *hen was the world reated? %here aretwo answers$ (t was reated in %ishrei: .osh Hashana in the fall and:orit was reated in @issan:4assover in the spring$ i2 days before the rstday of the month is when we start to ount$ Adam is reated on thesi2th day$ %here are three other periods, also with spei energy, withnumbers of Kabbalisti importane! 59 days to %ish A<bov, M5 days tothe reation of the world in the fall, 5I days to NNNNNN$ ( an integratenone of this$ ( am longing for Hesed$

A 4salm for King David

(n a few days we enter the I days of Hesed$ Gvery ell in my body isvibrating//( am so eager for this$ Hesed, Abraham, loving kindness$ (don<t know what it means, but ( am "agog$' ( feel alm and peaeful,and at the same time ( am vibrating in e2itement$ ( know only goodwill happen$ (t is Earh IL, I009, and ( am ontemplating ending mymarriage of 99 years$ Griv 4esah, in I9 days$ ( e2pet violene andpain, rage, vinditive manouvres$ Ey own personal war omplete withdesert storms, hemial warfare, everything$ (t will happen$ n some

level, ( will be in Hesed$ o will you$ %hink about it$ %hink of /dreleasing loving/kindness for I days$ %hink of it pouring down,permeating every ell of your body$ %hink of us awash in Hesed, a1oodin Hesed$ %oo literal? @ot for me$ ( love literal$ *hen ( bless someone, (like to imagine throwing a pie in their fae//hoolate, banana ream,oonut3 something gooey that will stik$ A blessing$ *hy not? %hinkabout it$ Hashem, with all He has to do, taking I days to over us withHesed, loving kindness, abundane$ Ey rst rebbe, .$ David Oeller



said! "/d is like a radio$ He is always transmitting$ (t<s up to you toturn the radio on$ (f you don<t hear Him, it<s not that He<s nottransmitting3 it)s that you are not reeiving$'

eventy/two days of Hesed$ Hashem will pour it out for I days$

#it=hak hwart=$ 4aradise mushrooming$ *ill ( reeive? *ill ( align?*ill ( mushroom? (n the winter my garden is dormant$ @ow ( haveabout I00 blooms a day! tiny snowdrops, rouses, silla, helleborus//nothing 1ashy, nothing showy$ ( an see the lumps of white glowing inthe dark, and the blue of the silla is so intense, so perfet$ An oldfriend, forgotten and suddenly bak, heartbreaking in its beauty$ Couryears ago my dad planted a redwood, here in leveland, hio$ (t wasfour feet tall$ @ow, it is I0 feet high Ey dad, ;, walks to the windowevery day to see his tree$ He lives with me, living mostly on one 1oor,mostly in one room, mostly in a hair and a bed//turning into pure love,turning into pure Hesed$ Ey dad will align with the I days of Hesed$

(t<s his essene$ Ey garden will align with the I days of Hesed$ (t wasreated to e2plode into olor, beauty, the fragrane of Gden$ h, yes,my garden is on board$ And me? %his poor person, me, burdened with5 years of sin, error, missing the mark, sleep/walking, falling into thepoppy elds//50 years of not knowing there was a /d$ Ee, who alwaysnoties how long great people lived, espeially those who died beforethey turned 5$ Ale2ander the reat, B$ @ot for death, but for takingover the world$ Eo=art, 99$ %he Ari, 9;$ Aryah Kaplan, M;$ AllenAfterman, 5$ Ee, 5, hibernating in my ooon, hidden from myself$an ( burst into the I days of Hesed? an ( mushroom? an ( beomewho ( was reated to be? Hesed//it<s my natural habitat3 it is what ( was

born for$

Ey only hild, a son, age I0, is autisti$ ( am a therapist with aaseload of two//my father and my son$ ( live a life of servie$ ( love it$(t puries me, burns awayeverything non/essential$ ( love it$ ( have Hashem! what more do (need? ( have two %orah lasses in my home eah week3 ( listen to DavidOeller on tape an hour a day3 my dad and ( talk to #it=hak, who is in Ferusalem, an hour a week$ *hat more do ( need? ( did not understandHesed, boundaries, reality$ ( was pure Hesed//so ertain everyone elsewas good, so ertain that problems would resolve

in a minute, in a day$ ( never set boundaries or limits$ ( never hadevurah$$ And as for people! some herished me3 some moved in forthe kill$ 4ure Hesed//the perfet vitim$

lowly, for by now ( was in-ured3 slowly, for by now the enemies withinhad suked out my vitality, used and abused me, e2hausted me,onfused me3 slowly ( rept, defeated, on my belly//( rawledtentatively, in despair, into evurah, Fudgment, restraint, (saa$ @ot to



live there, but to visit, to learn, to bathe in (saa<s energy3 to reah outmy hand to him and nd not a love but a plae to rest$ evurah$ And (held out my arms to my beloved King David, begging to merge withhim//King David, Ealkhut, who rawled to no man$ How ( long to mergewith my beloved David, not -ust to reah out a hand, but total merger

so that ( no longer e2ist as a separate entity$ ( would be intertwinedwith King David, who brought me to safety, to life$ King David, beyondevurah!$"aul slew his thousands3 David slew his tens of thousands$' KingDavid, my opposite, my heart, my freedom$

(t<s an old, old story! to end up in the enter, if you go too far to theright then you must go too far to the left$ ( lived a life of inreasingHesed$ ( love Hesed$ %he %orah says that the ow needs to give morethan the alf needs to nurse$ ( lived to give, to serve$ ( rawled intoevurah! ( stayed a year$ (saa helped me to my feet$ He delivered me

to Foseph and David3 #esod and Ealkhut$ Foseph is /d<s dream worker,who ame to teah us! "(f you know /d, if for one minute you mergewith /d, your brothers will hate you, try to kill you, throw you in a pit$(f you are good, if you avoid temptation, you will be aused of wrongand thrown in a -ail$' Ey beloved Foseph, #esod, foundation, helping meform myrelationship with Hashem, warning me of irrational hatred and violene,whih, in these ivili=ed times, takes the form of my husband<s 7uietrage and the slow withdrawal of my former friends as ( nd /d$ Eybeloved King David, Ealkhut, kingship3 my beloved King David, /d<swarrior, /d<s sweet singer of songs$ ( love him too muh to write of

him, to him, with him$ All my works are for him$ And what will Fosephand King David do in the I days of Hesed? %hey will, ever so gently,bring me home, bring me to Hesed, where ( started and where ( willnish$ @ow ( have King David on my left and Foseph on my right$ ( willgive Hesed3 ( will be Hesed when ( hoose, period$ And the "period' isevurah, whih now also lives in my heart$ Ey father an haveanything3 my son an have anything3 Hashem, of ourse, an haveanything$ Gveryone else an speak to David and Foseph, Foseph andDavid, before they ask for my energy, time, and love$ ( have some ofthat to give$ ( also have to save some of myenergy, time and love for mushrooming into greater Hesed//Hesed

beyond mywildest dreams//to better serve Hashem$ ( bless Him and thank Himand say, 67uotAmen$8

9:IL:09




*hat kind of Few am (? ( am a Few who longs for a home, a ommunity$( am a wandering Few, going from group to group looking for my home$( learn with the help of si2 orthodo2 rabbis$ .$ David Oeller of (srael, a

disiple of hlomo arlebak, lover of the Enore @iam, a Fungian, astory teller, a singer of songs, brought me bak to Fudaism$ %here is .$ #it=hak hwart=, a Kabbalist in Ferusalem who, in order to purify hisstudy of %orah, sleeps at night only two hours, from ten p$m$ tomidnight, and takes a two/hour nap during the day$ (n Ameria there is.$ #akov %ravis, an aademi, a Kabbalist passionately ommitted tohelping all Fews$ %hen there is .$ #uhuda Appel, a beloved teaher whospeaks the deepest wisdom and .$ Eordehai Eendelson, >ubavither,glowing with -oy, and said to be a %=addik$ >astly, there are .abbi and.abit=en Ka=en, >ubavither, in their ;0s, who have moved mountainsto help .ussian refugees and who feed the poor and teah %orah$ %hey

are legends in their time$ *hat do they all think of me? A Few wholoves Hashem, who was an atheist until age 50, who annot readHebrew Jnot even the letters, who is non/observant, not kosher, whois slowly wandering into habbos, who does not even know how todress for an orthodo2 event$ *hat a mess And yet ( love Hashem$ .$Eendelson is lear$ He is not interested in warm, fu==y feelings$ He isnot interested in your ideas of what Hashem might want$ #ou weregiven ommandments, and the rest is ommentary$ #et his life isoutreah$ He has no interest in preahing to the hoir$

Ee and si2 orthodo2 rabbis//how strange And yet, ( love Hashem (

have L0 of David Oeller<s tapes$ %he night 4urim ended, ( put away his4urim tape and started listening to his 4esah tape$ Gvery day, ( listenfor an hour to the same tape, over and over$ ( did this last year, andthe year before that$ ontemplating, learning, struggling//how am ( inGgypt? How am ( my own 4haroah? Cor me, this is reality$ Anyone anbeat me in following the letter of the law$ &ut the spirit, that isdi+erent$ %here, ( am a ontender$ Cor me, everything is real$ At 4esah( e2pet Gli-ah to ome$ ( am in relationship with eah of the patriarhson uot, and with Foseph and King David always$ ( ontemplate .uthand Gstheras guides who will teah me how to live my life$ How do si2 orthodo2

rabbis feel about how ()m doing? Another 7uestion, whih for me ise7ually real, is! how do Foseph, King David, and Hashem feel? Am (making progress? Am ( moving along? Am ( beoming the person ( wasborn to be? n this topi ( am more lear$ (<m not saying (<m nished3(<m not saying my -ourney is omplete$ ( am so lled with passion for Foseph, King David, Hashem3 ( am so lled with gratitude that ( long forthem and hunger for them$ ( no longer remember my rst 50 yearswithout them3 ( no longer remember who ( was last year$ ( am



transforming$

%he orthodo2 rabbis say that Fudaism rests on three pillars! habbos,Koshruit, and family purity$ ( do none of this$ ne, two, three strikesand you<re out//should ( take my ball and go home? >et me think about

this$ ( have never eaten pork$ And two months ago, ( gave up shellsh$( did not make a ommitment3 it was not a struggle$ ( -ust did it$ neday someone o+ered me shrimp and ( said, "@o, thank you, (<m Fewish$' (t was simply true$ %wo years ago ( met a young man when (was teahing meditation at a Fewish retreat$ He was orthodo2, #eshivaeduated, but alienated from /d$ He ame loser and loser to me,telling me his life story$ He told me that when ( spoke, it opened him upto /d$ %hen we talked about me$ He said ( was a speial teaher, butsoon they would nd out ( was not orthodo2 and then they would notlet me teah$ He said not eating pork did not matter3 ( was not kosher$ (ould take ve more steps in, but it didn<t matter beause ( was not

kosher$ (f he ate a ham sandwih, it would be alled a mistake$ &ut notfor me, beause ( was not kosher$ He said, "#ou annot keep habbosin isolation$ #ou need a ommunity$ #ou need people who invite you todinner and who ome to your dinners$8 &ut the world ( live in is seular$( have a liver tumor, so ( don<t eat wheat or dairy$ Gverything ( eat ismeat or parve$ ( don<t mi2 dairy and meat3 ( never ate pork3 ( gave upshellsh$ ( would say that ( am moving towards kosher$ Ey young friendwould say that ( am not3 that this means nothing$

Ey father grew up in a kosher home$ He went to yrause Pniversity atsi2teen and lived in a boarding house to keep kosher$ &y the time ( was

born, we never ate pork$ He never mi2ed dairy and meat, though therest of the family did$ *e were three/day/a/year Fews$ *e had largeeders and we elebrated hanukuh, not hristmas$ *e were &rooklyn Fews$ *hen my father<s father died, my father said kaddish$ He wentevery morning, for months, and never left$ He was the youngest$ Atthe minyon he<d pik up the older men and drive them in winter$ He<dbe the tenth man$ He never left$ He beame a board member, a lawyer$4assionately onerned with eduation and youth, he helped reate a #eshivah$$He went to .ussia, spoke #iddish, talked to Fews, and then ame bakto &rooklyn$ He talked about his trip in our shule$ He was the man who

brought the .ussian Fews to &righten &eah$ He started it, organi=ed it,raised the money$ He lived it$ He did it$ %his is true3 this is real$ And wedidn<t have the three pillars! there was no habbos, no Kashrut, nofamily purity$ Ey father sent a book to every single person in ourfamily$ n the inside he wrote, "( am rst and foremost a Few$' %hethree pillars$ *hat kind of Few am (? ( am the kind of Few who wouldnever betray my father in words or thoughts by saying he is not a Few,or less of a Few, or not /d<s beloved, beause of the three pillars$



*hat kind of Few am (? Ey relationship with /d is my passion$ 4itureme,living 50 years without /d, searhing for spirituality every plae but Fudaism,

and then nding tapes of David Oeller$ 4iture me walking into theollege of Fewish tudies, knowing nothing, taking lasses on theEasters level, with Fewish eduators// me, like an idiot savant, knowingnothing and having memori=ed L0 tapes$ "#ou are ausing 7uite a stirat the ollege,' .$ #akov %ravis said$ .emember how literal ( am$ ( listento David Oeller on Hitbodedut, translating from .$ @ahman of &rat=lav,suggesting that one should walk alone in the elds at night talking with/d$ .$ @ahman says Jparaphrased! 67uot(f you do everything else,this will make you higher$ (f you do nothing, this will make you higher$'( do nothing$ learly, this is the pratie for me %aking my dog, ( walk//hoping it<s early enough or late enough so that ( won)t meet anyone$

And ( talk out loud for an hour with /d$ Hitbodedut$ ( am a Few longingfor a home$ (<d sort of likea bo2 to rawl into, a label3 ()d like to be something and to have aommunity -ust like me$ &ut ( don<t even have larity$ Aboutgeneology// (<m not even sure of the lineage, the dynasties$ &ut ( loveKabbalah$ Cor me, the erot are real, mostly as Abraham is Hesed andKing David is Ealkhut$ &ut it is how ( organi=e reality$ ( love the &alhem %ov$ As a hild ( read four books a week//fairy tales, mythology$ (love stories$ ( love the &al hem %ov$ ( read his stories$ .$ @ahman, therebbe of Hitbodedut, the rebbe of )@ever ive Pp), he is my lifeline$ %he>ubavithers//that is the shul in whih ( pray$ %he old women

don<t speak Gnglish$ %hey stroke my fae3 they kiss me$ ( sit behind themihit=ah$ %he .ebit=en sits in the front row on the aisle, and ( sit ne2t to her$ hetells mewhen to stand, when to sit, when ( should read in Gnglish, and when (have to repeat the Hebrew, word by word$ he guides me through theservie$ %he rst time ( went ( sat there and wept//( ould feel thepresene of /d so learly$ ( ould not pray, ( ould only weep$ Am ( aKabbalist? A Hasid? A &rat=lov follower of .$ @ahman? A >ubavitherfollower of the .ebbe? And, if ( ould pik Jwhih ( annot, would anyof them want me?

*hat kind of Few am (? ( am a Few tied to /d3 intertwined with /d3merged with /d$ Ey primary relationship is with /d$ ( am aountableto /d3 ( answer to /d, though ( fail in 00 ways eah day$ ( struggle toreah Him$ ( would t in with the Fews of long ago, like King David as ashepherd, living in the hillsalone with /d$ /d touhed me on the shoulder3 ( wasn<t looking forHim$ How ould ( searh for what ( didn<t know e2isted? /d touhed



me on the shoulder, and my world went from blak and white totehniolor$ *hat kind of Few am (? A Few who loves all Fews, who praysfor all Fews, who prays that eah of them will ome loser and loser to/d$ *hat kind of Few am (? A Few who loves humanity, who prays forall people, who prays that eah of them will ome loser and loser to

/d$ ( thank /d for my Fudaism$ ( bless Him and ( say, 67uotAmen$8

M:L:09

( speak to #it=hak$ He reads to me! "*hat is 4aradise? %he idea ispresene$ ( summon all of myself, my total personality, my higher andlower self, to be present with whatever ( am doing$ %his inludes mytotal, ma2imal, pleasure/lled, onentrated fous$ %o be in a state of

total reeptivity to /d, to His working through me, to my doing it allfor His sake and in the way He wants it$ ( am integrated, ( am inD<vekut J/d onneted and (<m foused$ (DC$ %his is 4aradise//a stateof onsiousness$ 4aradise mushrooming is a transendent self/implosion$ (t is a proess done in total presene of being and therebyaomplishing the impossible in a painless, estati way$' *hen ( hearthese words, ( feel like sreaming, ( am so e2ited ( want this too$ (t ise2atly what ( want$


4aradise, Heaven on Garth$ Here, now, today, my mind is whirling$ %endays to 4assover! ( am not thinking of dinners, parties, guest lists3 ( amthinking of slavery, freedom, leaving Ggypt$ ( am thinking of Hesed, ofI days of Hashem, overing us with abundant, over1owing love andkindness$ ( want to live in 4aradise// "%o be in a state of totalreeptivity to /d, to His working through me, to my doing it all for Hissake and in the way He wants it$' Gvery ell in my body is sreaming,"#es' %his is what ( want3 this is it$ (t is perfet$ (t is true$ (t is e2atlywhat ( want$ ( wish ( ould step o+ a li+//( wish this was literally theway it worked$ %his would mean that you are with /d or not, you step

forward or you don)t! it)s so simple, so lear$$ &ut it is not to be! the li+ is only a metaphor$ .eality is never so lear$ How will ( step o+ the li+? %he Ari says,"%he soul omes into the body, like Faob ame into (srael, as anhonored guest,and then it beomes a slave$'

Ey soul ould enter 4aradise, here on earth$ &ut my self, body, ego,



and mind, has no interest in 4aradise$ (t has its own ideas3 it is lledwith fears and doubts$ (t ignores, fears, and even hates my soul$ Eybody is Ggypt and more3 my body is pharaoh, ruthless$ Ey body arguesthat /d is everywhere$ >ike pharaoh, my body feels divine$ >ikepharaoh, my body knows not /d$ And who am (? Am ( my body? Ey

soul? %he diretor of my drama? *ho am (? ( am the one who fellasleep in the poppy eld3 the sleepwalker, she who is so burdened//sotired, overwhelmed, and ra=ed that she spins like a top, danes asfast as she an, assumes someone else will do it, and does not evenknow what "it' is$ ( am assandra, speaking the truth and not believingmy own words$

(, like you, am one who saw the sea of reeds and stood there fro=en,mouth open, unable to move$ *hen they alled for the olden alf,one part of me remembered the mirale, but another part was soafraid, so onfused, so lost$ ( longed for the olden alf$ Did ( sin? Did (

partiipate? @o, but only beause ( was fro=en$ (, like you, have seenthe sea of reeds, over and over$ Hashem has overed me with grae,poured loving/kindness down upon me$ ver and over ( have said thewords, "%his is what the sea of reeds looks like, here and now, today$'And the ne2t day, ( forget$ ( am tempted by the olden alf$ ( don<t sinbeause ( am pulled both ways$ ( am pulled one way by fear3 the otherway by /d$ %hat is the only reason ( don<t sin$ ( don<t sin and ( don<te2el$ ( don<t e2atly step o+ the li+$ ( don<t beome she whom ( wasborn to be$ Ey body and soul are in perpetual on1it$ %here is no "('to defend my poor soul$

( spoke to #it=hak on %uesday$ %hat day ( knew ( had to protet mysoul so thatit ould do /d<s will, every day, all day3 so that my breathing in andbreathing out ould be dediated to /d3 so that ( ould be "of/Hashem' always$Ey soul knows how to do this$ (t never ourred to me to protet mysoul$ /d or olden alf? oul or &ody? ( wathed in a state of totalpassivity, feeling da=ed, weak, and fro=en$ *hen ( was a hild, perhapsabout eight years old, a man, maybe I0, walked out of his parent<shouse, sooped up my dog, and said,"ay good/bye to your dog3 you<ll never see him again$' He walked to

his ar,put the dog down, laughed, and drove away$ ( stood there, fro=en$*hat ould ( have done? %his is a prototype, a template, for me and foryou$

/d and ( are partners$ ( always say to Him! ">ook at me, seeeverything$ %his is what we have to work with3 this is it3 this is who (am$' o, perhaps, it works both ways$ 4erhaps, when ( was eight, /d



said to me! ">ook at this, there is evil in the world$ (n the fae of evilyou will free=e$ (t is human3 it is what we haveto work with$ %his is it3 this is who you are$' And there were words ( didnot hear! "%his is not good enough$ (t is human, normal, natural3 it isnot a sin, but

it is not good enough$ *hat that man did to you and your dog is whatyour body will do to your soul$ &e areless with it, threaten it, don)trespet, honor, or herish it, and all the good intentions, all the innategoodness in the world, will not protet your soul$'

Gvery morning we say, "Ey /d, the soul whih #ou have given me ispure$$$o long as the soul is within me ( o+er thanks to #ou, >ord myod$$$' And what is this "thanks' ( o+er to "#ou, >ord my /d?' (s it aword? A whispered "thank you?' ( never thought about it$ A word mighthave been enough before last %uesday, when ( spoke to #it=hak$ %heappropriate 67uotthank #ou,8 for me,

is not a word3 rather it is to herish and protet the gift of my soul, thegift /d gave me$ ( -ust never thought about it$ ( know how to protetmy autisti son$ ( proteted him at birth$ ( felt like a female lion$ ( felt (ould rip anyone apart with my bare hands if they tried to hurt my son$( protet him now$ ( protet my father$ Ey bedroom is under his$ (f hewakes in the night ( am there within B0 seonds$ ( run up and arrive,smiling! whether it is M a$m$ or L a$m$ ( am always glad to see him, tohelp$ ( protet my dog$ ( protet my garden$ ( protet my friends$ (protet my teahers$ *hy don<t ( protet my soul? *hy am ( stillstanding here, as ( did at age eight//fro=en, unable to at, while peopletreat me in a asual, mindless way, without respet or honor3 or as

people in gentle, ivili=ed ways torment and abuse me3 or as peopleover me with their needs, ignoring mine and impliitly teahing methat ( have no needs or no needs worth respeting? And "(' have letpeople do this, as ( did at age eight, never understanding that theywere attaking my soul//my soul, whih entered my bodywith suh high hopes3 my soul so adored by both my parents3 my soul,safe and herished until age eight, when ( was shown the task ahead of me$ *ho would guess it ould take 50 years to deipher the message/d sent me when ( was eight years old?

%oday, at age 5, the piture is oming into fous$ Ey soul, like yours,

ame with suh high hopes$ Ey soul entered the body like Faobentered Ggypt, an honored guest who beame a slave, and desendeddeeper and deeper into the narrow plane, falling further and furtherfrom /d$ Age eight//fro=en, unable to move, unable to speak$(nnoene broken$ An unknown deision to ompensate by being good,pure Hesed3 to never in-ure another that way$ %his was a deision sohidden ( didn<t know it an hour ago when ( started to write$ @ot a baddeision! people gave me unkindness, and ( gave bak kindness3 ( took



in pain and ( gave out love$( probably did this my whole life$ ( have done it onsiously for tenyears$ Alhemy, transforming pain to love$ &ut it didn<t work$ (t didsomething//( poured out Hesed$ ( have no regrets$ &ut ( did not protetmy soul$ ( never treated my soul like ( treated my son, my father, my

dog, my garden, my friends, my teahers$ ( let people trample my soul,deserate my soul$ ( did that$ (n ten days we leave Ggypt! ( begHashem to help me, to protet my soul, now and forever$ ( bless /dand thank Him and ( say, 67uotAmen$8

M::09


( go to sleep and have a dream$ (n this dream, ( ame into a housearrying a babygirl infant who is nursing$ (t is my baby, my milk$ %hereare old friends3 also hildren ( don<t know$ (n my dream, ( go to sleep,and in the morning a hild omes in$ *e talk about who is awake$ %henone of my 67uotivili=ed8 enemies enters the dream$ *hen ( see himeying the applesaue, ( tell him it<s for the baby$ He still eyes it$ ( tellhim it has my milk in it, and that it)s for the baby$ %hat stops him$ (want him gone//and the dream ends$

( ask /d to help me understand this dream$ /d says to me! 67uot#ouhave a baby girl, an infant, nursing//this is your soul$ #ou let people

rush you$ %his is -ust the same as what happened when you wereeight$ #ou thought everyone was good3 you assumed that everyoneould be trusted$ #ou wathed with your own eyes and you saw thefae of evil$ #ou then deided to beome better to make the worldbetter//this was a hoie made by your soul, unknown to yourego:body:mind until yesterday$ (t was a hoie in whih your soulplunged into the deepest goodness$ #our soul, the honored guest tookover//unbeknowst to your eight/year/old body:mind:ego as well as toyour 5/year/old body:mind:ego$ #our soul took over and did her work$ #ou were asleep$ #ou did not waste 5 years or 50 years, or a day,hour, or minute$ #our soul took over$ #our soul made a hoie$ (t wasn)t

a stupid, simple hoie, but a good, true hoie that worked on thedeepest level$ As above, so below3 as below, so above$ #ou have noidea how many you helped$ #ou have no idea of how often you nulliedyour ego and let Ee 1ow through you$ (t was a deep, perfet response$And now, 50 years later, ( say to you, "(t was great$ %he only one hurtwas your soul$ (t is time now to transform$ Do not be bitter$ &e Hesed$&e love$ &e David$ ee learly and ght to protet your soul$ (n yourdream you talk about who is awake! you are awake, you and the



hildren$ #our enemy)s evil is ivili=ed3 he is eying the applesaue, notaring that it is for your soul$ &ut it is not for him$ %here is no room forthe other$ He has over and over tried to kill your soul$ (t was murder,not manslaughter$ He still is walking around free3 he still feels he isinnoent$ %his is the fae of evil! see it, and protet that baby girl$'

( fall on my fae before /d$ ( thank Him and bless Him and ( say,67uotAmen$8

M:;:09

#it=ahak is talking about 4esah$ He is 7uoting the >ubavither .ebbe!

"(f you are not busy leaving Ggypt every moment of your life, you<llalways be busy staying in Ggypt,' and &ob Dylan! "He who is not busybeing born is busy dying$' (n omparing the two,#it=ahak hasomposed a little song, whih he sings to me$ ( am lost in the idea oflinking the .ebbe with &ob Dylan$ ( am lost in the onept$ ( go to bedand have a dream!A blak family has ome to do something and has left all of their kids inmy bak yard$ ( look out the seond or third 1oor window and see themin the yard, toddlers and teens$ ( see a tree in the orner of my yardthat has dirt piled around it, burying the lower part of the trunk$ J(ouldn<t see it when (<m in the garden, but from another perspetive,

it<s lear$ ( know the dirt will kill the tree and ( must remove it, even if (have to do it by hand$ ( look for low plaes in the yard where ( ouldput the dirt$ %here<s lots of dirt$ ( reali=e the kids have to get to anairport$ (<m not sure if their parents arranged it$ %he kids are split andwe are going on I separate 1ights$ ( know they don<t have a ar$ ( go1ying down the stairs to organi=e it$ Gnd of dream$

M:B:09

( write the words! "/d, 4lease Help Ee$' %hen ( do automati writing,where ( "take ditation$ ' %hese are the words that "(' write!"Anyone will lean on you, ome to you for help, like Abraham with histent, open in four diretions$ (t is your nature and your pleasure$ #ouare a soial being$ #ou<ll take in blak kids, why not? %hen, youremember, everyone is not like you$ @ot everyone is planning ahead$@ot everyone wants to save the world$ How will the kids get to the



airport? Eaybe the guests, who have no ar, did not plan, or maybethey planned but maybe the kids won<t be able to organi=e alone, soyou rush to help$ Abraham$ (n the orner, is a buried tree, the tree oflife$ #ou ouldn<t see it when you walked the earth$ *hen you elevate,by going up a 1ight of stairs, by purifying, things larify$ #ou see it is

buried$ %he dirt is so high on the trunk that it is dangerous$ (t)s hokingthe tree$ #ou are ontemplating plaes to move the dirt, low spots inthe yard that need the dirt$ Eostly you are ontemplating freeing thetree$ Gvery tree is the tree of life3 every tree deserves to be free$ Howmuh more so for my people? Gah person is meant to be free, so theyan take a deep breath, look around, and see how to help others$ %heslavery of your soul is a deseration of your soul$ (t hinders your soulfrom doing Ey work$ #ou soul has a ontrat$ %here is a ontratbetween Ee and your soul, a bond, a ontinuity$ #ou, the body, the ego,the 67uot(8 of doubt and fear, are in the way$ (f you elevate, if you seethat the tree of life is buried and annot breathe, if you are determined

to remove the dirt, even a handful at a time, you are not in the way$ Hewho is not busy being born, is busy dying$ #ou go left or you go right$Cor 5 years you<ve bloked your soul$ @ow, you are ready to ght forher, to lear spae for her, to protet her, to keep her far "from an evilperson and an evil ompanion$' #ou are ready to live the morningprayers, instead of saying the morning prayers$ *hen you say "Andmay it be #our will, >ord our /d and /d of our fathers$$$ keep us farfrom an evil person and an evil ompanion$$$ protet me this day andeveryday from insolent men$$$' %hese are words to live$ %his is whatyou say to Ee$ ( have the power$ %his is what your soul says to you$ #ouhave the power$ #ou soul is higher than you$ #our ego will die and no

longer walk the earth$ #our soul is immortal$ #ou have brief glimpses ofpast and future$ #our soul lives outside of time and spae$ #et you havethe power$ #ou, even you, you, only you, an help your soul$ >ike you,even you, an serve Ee$ #ou are not here to house your soul andpassively let life unfold$ #ou are here to serve your soul and protetyour soul so she an help Ee$ He who is not busy being born is busydying$' Amen$

M:0:09

(t is *ednesday night$ @e2t *ednesday is the rst seder, 4esah, theday ( will leave my marriage$ Always, ( am torn$ Do ( write universally,avoiding my private life? r do ( assume that ( have my Ggypt, and youhave yours? ( will write about mine, but please know ( am writing aboutyours too$



Hitbodedut$ ( walk and talk out loud to /d and to the patriarhs$ ( amso agitated about ending a 99/year marriage$ ( ask everyone for help$

Abraham says to me! "#ou are my granddaughter, whether you walkthe earth or not$ %his life on earth is a small part of who you are$'

(saa says to me! ".emember the psalm you wrote about me$ (t is true$Ey father and ( walked with Hashem$ ( was swimming in Hashem$ ( wasbeyond time and spae$ ( was beyond death$ ( did not are if ( lived ordied, ( was already inside of Hashem$ Gnter that plae$ #ou have beenthere, you ould live there$ o there now$ top your agitation$ Eergewith /d and nd peae$'

Faob says! "( onfuse you$ Am ( Faob the trikster or am ( %iferet? Did( lie, heat, and steal, or am ( harmony and beauty? >isten, ( was apatriarh$ Abraham, (saa and Faob$ (t was ordained$ (t had to be$ (

was the seond born$ *hat was ( to do? Honor my ontrat with /d,the ontrat my soul made before ( was born? r honor theonventions of the time, and give everything to my older brother, andbetray my ontrat with /d? *ho am (, to tell /d what to do? Do youreally think this was an aident? Do you think /d made a mistake? %hat He ould not have made me, the designated patriarh, the rstborn? ( aepted the ontrat$ ( betrayed my soiety$ Cor 9000 yearspeople have been unsure how to view me$ Am ( a trikster? Am ( %iferet? ( ame to do this//to honor /d and betray my soiety$ ( did itto lay down a template$ ( did it so Foseph ould do it, and then soEoses ould do it$ And, ( did it so you ould do it too$ *hen you leave

Ggypt, your soul will breathe$ #ou will walk into Hashem and fulll yourontrat$ And, you will be despised, talked about, analy=ed, as ( was$ %hat is the way it is$ %here is no way around it$ 4eople who have noidea of who you are will pass -udgment on you$ f ourse ( ould havebeen the rst born$ &ut then ( ould not be the template for honoring/d, above all$ ( did it willingly$ (t wasn<t pleasant$ ( agreed to it$ometimes ( would like a little rest$ ometimes ( get irritable$ Cromunday shool to graduate programs, people disuss my maturation,how ( was the rst person in the &ible to transform over time, how ( amthe e2ample of Fudaism<s honesty in portraying 1awed heroes$ (t makesme sik$ &ut some people know ( was a patriarh and that ( stepped up

to the plate$ Ey mother knew it Cor 9,000 years, some people haveknown this, looked around, and left Ggypt$ @ot in a 4ollyanna, living/happily/ever/after way$ (nstead, when they left Ggypt they aused painand onfusion, leaving both owner and slaves stunned, shokingeveryone$ %hey went into the desert and found manna, found mirales,found /d$ %hey started to protet their souls, all the while hearing thegrief, rage, and weeping of those they left behind$ ( am the patriarhfor those who will leave Ggypt in that way$ ( did /d<s will$ ( ated for



every person who does /d<s will when for 9000 years some people,many people will say Qyou were wrong)$'

( speak to Foseph, and he replies! "Gah of us made a ontrat, beforewe were born$ *e ome down to earth for a reason$ ( know you say

that, but do you believe it? ( lived my ontrat$ #ou and David and /dand ( have been merged for a long long time$ David and Foseph,Eahut and #esed$ *e 1ow into eah other$ *e were lose when wewere outside of our bodies//both before and after our embodiment$ *ewere happier at those times$ @ot that that matters$ *e eah amedown for a reason$ *e ould have walked the hills, talking to /d$ *ewould have been happier then$ *hy, then, inarnate? &eause wemade a ontrat, to do /d<s will$ n uot seven of us are honored$*e show seven ways of merging with /d$ *e give hope and light apath for seven kinds of people$ *e deal with the diRulties anyonemight have in fullling a ontrat$

67uot#ou want my help in leaving Ggypt, but ( never left Ggypt$4erhaps ( never even went there$ ( may look like ( was thrown in a pit,sold as a slave, tormented by another man<s wife, and thrown in -ail$ %his was my ontrat! ( signed up for it$ ( never went into Ggypt$ ( neverdesended MB levels$ ( never lost ontrat with /d$

67uot>et me tell you about my dreams! they were prophey$ /d spoketo me through them$ *hen ( interpreted a dream, the proper responsewas to fall on your fae$ @ot to me, sine ( wasn<t there, but to /d$ /dused me$ (t ould have been lear to anyone, even to an idiot$ How

ould any man know what ( knew? learly it was /d$ (s there a living/d? (s He present in your life? Does He see the feather fall o+ asparrow? Ey dreams say, )#es$) *hat did people do? Ey father wasafraid for me$ Ey brothers hated me$ %he baker and the wine stewardused me and forgot me$ 4haraoh used me, honored me, but ould nottake the ne2t step and honor Hashem$ Ey -ob was to bring people to /d$ ( nullied myself so that ( ould let /d 1ow through me$ ( opened adoor, gave them a hane to know /d$ *ho did so? (t is unlear$ %hereis no time3 there is no spae$ ( walked the earth 9,000 years ago$4eople beyond ount know my story$ (f one of them, -ust one, reads mystory and knows that it was not me, ould not be me, and there must

be a /d, it was worth it$ (f -ust one of them says, )Pse me, /d, use melike you used Foseph, give me dreams, speak to me, let me listen todreams and know what they mean,) then it was worth it$

67uot#ou want my help in leaving Ggypt$ &ut let me tell you, youpiked Ggypt$ #ou agreed to it$ @ot the Ggypt of an abused woman,beaten and tortured, but the more subtle abuse of being trapped insomething that looks di+erent from what it is$ &eause of this, no one



will understand why you should want to leave it$ 4eople will think youare mad3 they will have no way to proess or understand it beauseyou o/reated a myth of everything appearing normal$ #ou reatedyour Ggypt$ And, you did everything you ould to deal with it$ #outalked to therapists, you foused on it, you worked on the rest of your

life, you ignored it$ #ou did everything, but nothing worked$ %his wasyour ontrat$ %o work for 99 years to solve a problem that ould notbe solved$ isyphus$ %here was no solution$ #ou agreed to ome downto earth and do this, beause for many people there is no solution$ #ourson is autisti$ Cor ; years you looked for a solution to this$ ne dayyou woke up and admitted, )He is autisti$ omeday ( will die, so ( mustprotet him right now//now and for the rest of his life$) %hen, yousprang into ation$

ometimes there is no solution$ &ut there is /d$ %he lak of a solutionmust not keep you from /d$ Cor 5 years you assumed there was

always a solution$ #ou bet your life on that$ And now, today, ( tell you,you were a hild$ ood and pure and merged with Hashem, and youwere a hild$ #ou would tell people! "*hen ( see Hamlet , ( want to sayQe2use me, an ( talk to you for a minute?< (t<s your own story$ %hat<swhy you stayed married for 99 years$ And, now, ( tell you, you are hereto help those, inluding your son, for whom there is no )solution) byletting them know that it doesn<t matter if there is no solution, as longhas they nd /d$ ome sons go to Harvard$ ome are autisti$ *ho isto say whih son is lose to /d? Eaybe ( was thrown into a pit, sold asa slave, tormented by a woman and thrown in -ail// and maybe not$Eaybe ( went to Ggypt//and maybe not$ Ggypt is the narrow plae,

where one loses /d$ ( never lost /d$ #ou lived 50 years without /d$Cor seven years you<ve had /d and a not/so/good marriage$ *ere youin Ggypt the last seven years? #ou had /d$ #ou were not in Ggypt$ (fyou had a great marriage and no /d, would you be in Ggypt? >et mesay, you did not waste time$ #ou tried for 99 years, and it is true thatthis is di+erent from trying for 99 months$ #ou searhed heaven andearth to try and make your marriage work$ #ou, the therapist, thedream worker, the mysti//you ouldn<t make it work$ And, you stayedheerful, friendly, urious, and passionately in love with /d$ #ououldn<t heal your son of his autism$ &ut you ould adore him, herishhim, help him, and shift gears to prepare him for the future$ #ou are the

template for nding /d where there is no )solution$) (ronially, you//the ontrol/7ueen, who wanted to save Hamlet, who would try to solveanything//are starting to see your ontrat$ (t had to be$ (f you were notsure you ould solve anything, it would have no meaning that youould J not solve it and JI nd /d$ (t<s the tension that makes it soompelling$ #ou, who woke up every day, determined to heal your son,determined to solve your marriage, suddenly ground to a halt$ %henyou rediret and prepare a whole world for a person who will always be



autisti$ #ou redireted and deided to stun the world and leave yourhusband$ And you do not feel bitter and you move loser to /d$ omany people need to see this$ &eause there are so many situationswith no solutions$

67uot( was not always happy$ ( was lonely$ ( am still lonely$ ( love beingwith David$ He is my brother$ ( love being with you$ ( en-oy you as youare$ ( am selsh$ ( will en-oy it more when ( am more real for you andwe talk more$ David is waiting to talk to you$8

And after this, ( go ahead and talk to David//David, my &eloved, /d<swarrior, /d<s sweet singer of songs$ Cor a moment ( am shy$ Cor amoment ( an<t nd his energy$ ( an see him on my left//sitting, faingme, wearing a white tuni$ He says to me! "#ou want my help inleaving Ggypt$ ( will never leave your side$ @ot for a moment$ >ook tothe left, and ( will be here$ Always$ #ou will end your marriage$ #our son

will be stunned3 his world will be ripped in two$ &ut you must not be ahild$ Know this$ Know it now, not later$ He will lose ground, pull out hiseyelashes, ry, and say, "@o divore' (t will drive you mad$ (n a year,though, he<ll be ne$ &ut not when he rst hears about it$ *hat anyou do? #ou will build a new world for him$ His dad will build a newworld for him$ @o one will understand why you are leaving$ Foseph saidthere are situations with no solutions$ #ou really did not know this//notuntil this week$ ( say there are onse7uenes for every ation$ &eauseyou tried so hard to solve it, beause you were so ertain that at anyminute things would hange, you ated as if that was real and gaveyour son as well as the world an impression that your marriage was

ne$ %hat will be hard to reverse$ (t was you who reated thatimpression, and now you have to deal with it$ How an you undo it?

67uot#ou want me to say things that are universal, poeti, Davidi$ &ut( am a realist! ( an see my enemies$ %here is nothing romanti or softleft in me$ ( never thought for one moment that your marriage wouldhange$ ( -ust wathed you go through hope after hope after hope$ (wanted to kill him, but ( did not$ ( had something to undo$ ( -ustwathed as you, blindly, fullled your ontrat$ (f you knew you agreedto hope for 99 years, when there was no solution, it wouldn<t be hope$(t would be ating$ &ut you really did hope$ ( knew it wouldn<t work,

and your hope, your goodness, your optimism a+eted me$ ( didn<t seeyou as stupid, naSve, and hildish$ #ou shifted my view of reality$ #oumade me ontemplate the nature of man, the human potential forgoodness$ #ou are spring and ( am winter$ #ou make me young$ #ou pullme bak from anger$ h, you a+et all of us Don<t kid yourself andthink it isn<t so$

67uot#ou want to leave Ggypt! but know that your husband didn<t put



you there$ #ou put you there$ He an<t free you3 only you an free you$hould you leave? f ourse #ou tried for 99 years//a human lifetime,really$ #ou asked all of us for help$ #ou got a glimpse of your ontrat$@ow there will be some bad times and you will need to be with /d$ (know Foseph says, )*hy inarnate if you want to be with /d?' &ut he

and ( are muh stronger than you$ #ou need to be with /d, now, in thisbody, while you walk the earth$

Kabbalah The Psalms of David.doc

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