thePARENTLINK June 2011

TAKE A NEW APPROACH TO DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS

Parental stress goes up a notch as soon as kids

enter the dating scene. How can you

encourage your kids to have healthy

relationships with members of the opposite

sex yet stay safe and morally pure? Youth

leader Josh Pease offers these suggestions

that just might surprise you:

� Don’t demonize sex, but don’t over-

glorify it either. As you encourage kids to save

intimacy for marriage, also emphasize that sex

shouldn’t be just about self-satisfaction.

� Model healthy relationships. Let kids see

what a sacrificial relationship looks like—on

good days and bad. Show them how to work

out problems.

� Teach an “others-focused” approach to

dating. Instead of just asking, “Is this person

right for me?” dating teenagers should also

ask, “Am I right for this person?” Other

questions to consider: By my behavior, do I

influence the person I’m dating to be more

like Jesus? Am I focusing more on what I can

get out of them or on what I can do for them?

Is my presence in their life right now

distracting them from who God is revealing

them to be?

As we emphasize abstinence and the beauty

of God’s plan for marriage, Pease says, let’s

also teach kids to model Jesus’ sacrificial love

in their relationships now. That way, they’ll be

better equipped to thrive as spouses in the

future.

Tips “Guy Talk, Girl Talk 2: The

Cure for Cooties” offers

Bible-based dating tips:

� Turn off the negative

influences. Steer clear of hip-hop songs,

magazines, porn, and friends who degrade

people and go against God’s designs.

� Accept the differences. Realize that boys

and girls feel and see things differently.

� Take it slowly. First learn how to build

good friendships without the pressure of

romance and getting physical.

� Be responsible for your actions. Don’t

cause other people to stumble, whether by

how you speak to them or how you dress.

� Talk with Jesus about your experiences.

This may seem weird at first, but praying

about your friendships makes a lot of sense if

you’re trying to understand the opposite sex.

� Celebrate God’s love and friendship. In

every area of your life, God has a plan,

including a plan for friendship and love. Once

we trust God and rely on him and his timing,

we can celebrate him and his plan for us.

Statistics � 68% of teenagers say their friends are in

“healthy” romantic relationships, while 19%

say their friends are in “unhealthy”

relationships.

� 48% of girls and 40% of guys say trust is

the most important part of a healthy

relationship.

� When asked who influences their dating

relationships, teenagers list parents first (35%)

and friends second (28%). (National Campaign

to Prevent Teen & Unplanned Pregnancy)

Going Deeper

At SimplyYouthMinistry.com, Jane Dratz

explores how parents can help teenagers

through relational landmines:

When tough times hit on the romantic scene

and you’re pulled into the middle of teenage

drama, pass along these insights and

strategies that can bring a Godly perspective

to the challenge of ending a relationship.

� Always treat the other person with

dignity and respect. Remember the Golden

Rule (Matthew 7:12).

� Don’t let things drag on and on. Address

the source of the relational conflict. Talk it

out. When you can’t find common ground to

work things out and you know it’s inevitable

that it’s time to move on relationally, get up

your courage and deal with it. Of course, be

sensitive to specific timing.

� Unpacking personal conflict with others

should be done in person, if possible. Come to

the conversation calmly, not in anger

(Proverbs 15:1).

� Express appreciation for what’s been

good in the relationship. But if you believe it’s

time to move on, make that clear. Don’t leave

the other person dangling and hoping if you

know clearly that things need to be over.

Remember to run to God with the tough stuff

because he promises to walk beside you

through it all. A relationship with God through

Jesus is ultimately the only relationship that

will satisfy the deepest levels of your

relational being. When relational stuff hurts,

God’s there in the midst of it to wrap his arms

around you.

Discussion Questions

� What messages are your kids

receiving about relationships from

you? From their peers? From

society? From the media?

� What role, if any, should you have in

deciding whom your teenager dates

or marries?

� What can you do now to ensure that

you maintain positive ties with your

teenager and his or her spouse in

the future?

Resource Inspired by 1 Corinthians, in which Paul answers a series of

questions posed by the people in the Corinthian church, Pastor Mark

Driscoll set out to determine the most controversial questions

among visitors to the Mars Hill Church website. After an

introductory chapter devoted to the misconception that religion is

what saves us, Driscoll tackles the top nine issues, including dating.

Because the purpose of this book is to address commonly asked

questions, all readers will find relevant, engaging material, written in

Driscoll's distinctively edgy, yet theologically sound style.

Read this chapter for free at: villagebible.org/studentresources.

Pirates: On Stranger Tides Review

Read the rest of this and other reviews at www.pluggedin.com. ©2011, Focus on the Family

Plot: The flamboyant and often inebriated Captain Jack Sparrow

is once again marooned at port with need of a ship. Of course,

he'd love to be able to get his hands back on his beloved Black

Pearl, but, well, any ship in a storm, to twist the phrase. And

there does indeed seem to be a storm brewing around this

mincing, less-than-intrepid adventurer.

The authorities are chasing him through the streets of London

for some reason. And rumors are swirling that someone is

impersonating him and raising up a crew. This won't stand! The

only person allowed to impersonate a captain named Jack

Sparrow is Jack Sparrow himself!

Upon confronting the interloper, Jack discovers that he's a she.

Specifically, she's Angelica, a hot-blooded former flame. But

after some cross words and few crossed swords, Jack is

convinced … well, shanghaied into helping his beautiful ex.

Angelica and her father, Captain Blackbeard, you see, are off to

find the Fountain of Youth. And they're not alone. It seems

everybody is suddenly bitten by the bug to locate Ponce de

León's fabled fount. Jack's longtime rival, Captain Barbossa, has become a privateer for the crown of

England. And the king of Spain has sent his own powerful force to join the hunt too. All are racing to

claim the mystical waters of everlasting life. They just need to find two magical challises and a single

tear from a mermaid first, but mermaid tears aren't as easy to come by as you might think.

Conclusion: The past three entries in Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean franchise have all had several

things in common: dark grotesqueries mixed with beautiful women, handsome but scruffy men, and a

general attitude of "devil take the consequences as long as I get me pile o' booty."

Now make it four movies all together. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides boasts swords, rum,

revenge, zombies, fights with nude mermaids and dark magicking. If Jack is the personification of these

films, then a short conversation he has with Angelica sums things up. She yelps, "You haven't changed!"

To which he responds, "Implying the need."

Still, here you'll also find one thing that's unexpected. Peel away several musky layers of tattered linen

and raw-throated "arrrgghs," and you'll find something that resembles a soul. Not a hearty Spirit of

Christmas Present soul who blesses the house one and all, of course. But rather a small, squinty-eyed

piratey soul who lets out a contemplative half grunt before drawing sword.

At least this soul bothers to take some time to wonder about right and wrong. At least characters long

for salvation for the wicked and make self-sacrificial choices to protect the innocent. At least an

authority figure states, "Only God can grant eternal life." And at least Captain Jack Sparrow blanches at

the idea of some poor victim dying for the bounty of another.

Now, this meager bit of heart doesn't mitigate all the other rough-skinned folderol onscreen. But it does

add something positive. It helps us care a little more about what happens to those trapped in this

apparently never-ending theme park ride-inspired tale. And that's something that hasn't necessarily

been the case in the past.

Perhaps it could even motivate some young, modern-day pirate with a poster of the dreadlocked Cap'n

Jack on his or her wall to pause with a half grunt ever so often. And that is worth at least a half-hearted

"yo ho ho." I just wish we could all skip past the mermaids.

This review is not intended to endorse this film, but rather to help parents make informed decisions.

Calendar of Events June 2011

Sun Mon Tue Wed Thurs Fri Sat

29 30 31 1 2 3 4 AC Cause/Squared

Gathering 6-8:30 PM

SG Refuge/Aliens Meeting 6:30-9 PM

IC Cause/Squared Gathering 7-9 PM

5 6 7 8 9 10 11 AC Cause/Squared

Gathering 6-8:30 PM

SG Refuge/Aliens Meeting 6:30-9 PM

IC Cause/Squared Gathering 7-9 PM

12 13 14 15 16 17 18 AC Cause/Squared

Gathering 6-8:30 PM

SG Refuge/Aliens Meeting 6:30-9 PM

IC Cause/Squared Gathering 7-9 PM

19 20 21 22 23 24 25 AC Cause/Squared

Gathering 6-8:30 PM

SG Refuge/Aliens Meeting 6:30-9 PM

IC Cause/Squared Gathering 7-9 PM

Lake Ann Camp

26 27 28 29 30 1 2

AC Cause/Squared Gathering 6-8:30 PM

Refuge Family Reunions/ Aliens 5th Wednesday

6-9 PM

Six Flags Outing Jr & Sr High

8am-12midnight $65|$50 early bird

Upcoming Events July 5-8 Aliens Junior High Mission Trip with Wayside Cross - $125 July 10 All-Campus Capture the Flag Outreach in Indian Creek | 2-4pm July 23-31 Senior High Detroit Mission Trip - $300 | www.centraldetroitchristian.org August Aliens and Refuge Wednesday Nights are Off-Site

Sugar Grove Aliens and Refuge meet at various students’ homes August No Cause or Squared for Aurora and Indian Creek during August September 7 Sugar Grove Campus Back 2 School Bash | Jr & Sr High at separate locations | $5 September 12 Aurora Campus Back 2 School Bash September 15 Indian Creek Campus Back 2 School Bash October 28-30 Fall Camp | Senior High and Junior High | $120 ($99 early bird) November 12 Kendall County Food Pantry Service Project | Pack Thanksgiving Meals November 16 Ad Vivum – Moody Bible Institute Drama team | Junior High & Senior High November 19 Senior High Turkey Hunt | 5:30 – 10:30 PM | $5 | Meets at SG Campus December 3 Pack Teen Christmas Bags | $10 per teen bag donation