SUCCESS JOURNAL

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a soul like

me. Grief is a maze-a labyrinth that we have to wend our way

through, without encountering The Minotaur (Death).

All connections begin with an invitation. All invitations lead to

a Welcome. All welcomes lead to a connection.

A Personal Spiritual Connection for me is the belief that God is

good. I believe in Eternal Life. I believe my mom is in a better

space and that Joy and Happiness are her lot.

The two poles that I bounce off of are not so splendid

isolation (with heart wrenching loneliness) and socializing

with friends and neighbors.

7-7-2014, It has been 4 months and 2 days since Betty has

disappeared from my physical life. I feel her loving presence

and I’m eternally grateful for that. I’ve been afraid that my

mom wasn’t doing well when she couldn’t catch her breath

and she refused to get oxygen. At times, I feel so alone as if

there were a hole in my heart. I miss you, Momma Betty, I

miss you.

I go swimming today, depending on Irene, if she feels up to it.

My complicated depression/grief: loss of mother and father.

I was thinking about my dad: a vulnerable narcissist: lack of

remorse, manipulative, soft/hard shell(not able to access

emotions) Also, on- going antagonism/hostility to all

promoting a sense of one upmanship/superiority. Finally,

steamrolling over everyone! He doesn’t like himself. He refers

to himself as “Darth Vader.” “Luke, I am your father.” Very

thin skinned! Takes offense easily. Sees non compliance as the

enemy. All in all, a mess!

Monday morning, tired, slept until 4am.

10am Georgia comes to help clean, go to market and put up

flyers for my garage sale (de cluttering).

Getting ready for big garage sale, 7-12-14, in Felton, with

Susana and Hart. I have a lot of nice stuff to sell.

I need to go to an oral surgeon for the half of the tooth that

wouldn’t come out.

After my mom died in March, I stopped taking Abilify, for 3

months. Not on purpose-I left the pill bottle in the cupboard

and forgot about it. What a fog I was in. No wonder I’ve been

feeling more depressed than usual.

I’m back on Abilify , as well as Welbutrin and I feel better. It’s

just that some mornings are better than others. Today is a 5

out of 10.

7-25-14 I see the dentist, 11:30 am, 3 teeth front, lower, to

come out. The Gastric Bypass Surgery doesn’t allow my body

to absorb vitamins hence bad teeth. Something they don’t tell

you before. Thank God for my caregiver, Georgia to take me

and bring me home. No Bingo at 3pm but cake and ice cream,

for sure(July birthdays). I couldn’t go to the Craft Room, 12

noon, Sat. I felt exhausted. Church, on Sunday was OK. I

almost fell asleep. The pain pills. Just sleep and rest and eat

soft foods.

Good News! Charlize, will publish my book for me. Yeah! I

feel great and relieved. No more doing it all by myself. Now,

I’ll have help.

I’m trying to get a reference about Charlize. She wants $250

month times four. She seems very forthright and upfront

about her past. Just want to be sure.

My mouth is really sore. It took forever to get 2 ½ teeth out

yesterday. Georgia was very patient. She drove me home and

then went to get my pain pills

Sunday, 7/27/14 My mouth and back are still sore but

not as much as Friday and Saturday. I slept until almost

7:30am. Hooray!

7-28-14 Slept until 5am, more typical for me. 2 cups of

coffee to get the heart beating. I can re type Intro pages.

I’ll print them out on Friday, 8-1, when I get paid (need

paper and toner). pg.2

7-29-14 Roy, a computer tech, confirmed I need a new Toner

Cartridge. Mouth still hurts. Dr. Bob was in too much of a

hurry to “get it done” even though the infection came back.

No wonder it hurt so much. Look around for another dentist.

7-30-14 Thank God we switched dentists. I’m not seeing Dr.

Lloyd today. He doesn’t accept Dentical. Salinas has a dentist

who does. I’ll see him Sept. 7th. Slept until 5:30 am-felt

rested.

I called cousins Morty and Jane last Sunday(in NY)-it was

great talking with them.

I spoke to Rev. Rick yesterday at my parents’ church. He kept

repeating that I should keep sending cards to my dad or buy

stock in Hallmark. I don’t think so. Five cards is my limit. I’ve a

better chance of hearing from him if I don’t write. Besides he’s

in control if I continue to write.

Just let it all go. Hold off, also, calls to LA.

7-31-14 Divine Spiritual Connection: Santa BARBARA, 1964,

summer, with my best friend, Charles. We were walking along

the shore of the ocean, at night and we both stopped and

with awe listened to the silent roar of the waves. I felt a deep

peace come over me. We had felt the Divine Connection

together. Thank God, the last day of August. Tomorrow’s

payday. I’ve $7.00 left. Off to Safeway for milk, popcorn and

mineral water. Donna calls at 9am.

I put my book together. Seems like well over a hundred pages,

especially with all the photos.

The book is heavy, in more than one way. .

8-1-14 August! Payday! Teeth started hurting again 2 nights

ago. I can feel the sensitivity of the infection.

Very busy day today: Brown Bag comes at 10. Then to Joyce’s

Valley Biz store for Toner and paper. On to Bank of America to

cash Katya’s check for the old phone.

Finally, God willing, to Grocery Outlet for a cheaper shop than

Safeway. I’ve a lot to buy this time. I really enjoyed Cousin

Morty calling me yesterday. Tons of question about my

Polar Express Poppa. So sad, my mother had to live with such

a jerk. 8-2-14, Saturday. Slept until 5:30 am. Sleepy: my 3rd

cup of joe not working. Bach Fest today at 11am, then maybe

go to the Fiesta Sunday- Dog Show, after church with June and

Kent.

8-4-14 Didn’t go to Fiesta; worked on my bookGot an email

from Charlize: she wants completed manuscript

now(electronically)! Will cut and paste Journal together. Get

toner and print out opening pages. . Pg. 4

Senior Lunch at 12 noon(cancelled for the Summer). Journal

from 1997 has too many initials for names. They need to be

filled in and put in context.

Samuel is coming over at 3:30 pm to look at stamps, postcards

and 2 crockpots. Sam bought the stamps and one crockpot.

Very nice. Keep saving stamps. His step father is 92 and

collects them. Nice fellow.

8-5-14 Slept until 5:30 am. I go to bed at 9pm; wake up 2 or 3

times to go to the bathroom. Cut back on liquids after 6pm!

Grief Group at 11:15am. I was watching PBS on a group of

teens on a roadtrip to LA. Just seeing the road signs near the

airport, brought up feelings of sadness. Dad, the angry,

bipolar/dementia laden hermit, so close yet so far away.

Lydia said save your money just in case he passes away and

you have to go to LA. He’ll outlive all of us, I suspect.

I cancelled my contract with Charlize. As much as I’d love

someone else to publish and promote my 5th book, it’s not

worth my paying them. It should be the other way around.

I’ve done the work(the first draft is done). Work for me, pay

me, please. Pg5

Di sees Betty Friday. Hopefully that will help her a lot. Di’s

been very kind to me. I never heard from Di, again. Why? She

moved?

My task is no longer grieving the loss of my mom(exactly 5

months ago she passed on). Rather it’s the loss of my earthly,

biological dad that I grieve. He was such a damaged human

being. In one sense, I feel sorry for him; his being in so much

pain and his causing so much pain. Forgiving him is my biggest

challenge. I just want to call him The Bob(like Donald Trump-

the Donald), as well as the idiot, the jerk, the ding dong in LA.

Forgiving isn’t easy. Not sending him any more cards really

helps. I don’t want contact with him anymore. It’s not worth

the trouble and the double messages. I feel some relief not

worrying about his wanting to kill me. How he managed to

stay out of jail is a miracle. I feel badly when I was 15 and

Betty asked if she could live with me. I said, “No.” I knew

she’d be an albatross around my neck. I might not have

finished college. She would’ve spoiled me more rotten than

ever. . pg 6

When I was in high school, my dream was to be both an

engineer and a writer. The writer won out. Now that I’m

retired, I write everyday in my Journal and also, on my book

#5, The Bipolar Express, due out in Jan. Book Signing Jan. 18th

at St. Dunstan’s Church.

There is a pond behind where I live in the valley. It’s been the

source of great revelation and joy during my morning walks at

7:45 am. I walk around the outside perimeter of the pond. I

still look for signs of renewed reality. I read some essays of

Somerset Maugham yesterday. His last published book. I find

so many lines of his immensely quotable. “Here at last he

finds rest.”

8-6-14 Pantry Day! Food at the Catholic Church, 10 to 12 noon.

Sometimes homemade food. Other times, beans and rice.

Up at 6 am (nice to sleep in).

8-7-14 Thursday! Swim day! Leave at 10 am. Kearnes Pool,

Monterey. Di calls at 9 am. Slept to 6am. Nice.

I usually go to bed at 9 pm(“Early to bed, early to rise.”)

I’m having a hard time in the mornings. Feeling loss of Betty.

Not my dad, so much. Yeah! What a relief I don’t have to deal

with him. Yet, I miss him, strange as that sounds. I liked it

better when we were talking, in April. Now I wish I had gone

to LA for my mom’s memorial service. Hugh would’ve

Pg.7

been my bodyguard. Money would’ve been a big problem. I

barely have enough money now to get through each month.

I know it’s going to cost at least $100.00 to proof and edit my

book. It’s basically done now. Just some cut and paste the

journals. I’m hoping Rico, of Cal State Monterey Bay,

will help me find an editor/proofreader/typist. Monday, at 1

pm, I see Rico at Starbucks at Mouth of the Valley, Carmel.

8-10-14 Up at 5:30 am. Di calls at 9 am. Church pick up by June

and Kent at 9:25 am. Off to St. Dunstan’s. I wrote a Tribute to

Scott yesterday. I’ve been asked to read it at his Memorial

service, 8-23-14, Saturday at 12 noon. They had all his video

tapes out on the Free Table. I found one DVD that surprised

me(seeing that Scott was not sentimental); the movie,

“Sleepless in Seattle.”

8-11-14 I see Rico, my Mentor from CSUMB, at 1 pm at

Starbucks. Hopefully I can get a referral to a student who can

retype my manuscript and format it.

Woke up at 5 a m. Not too tired. Donna at 9am, Georgia at 10

am.

8-12-14 Woke up at usual time (5:30 a m)

I take bus to Starbucks at Mouth of the Valley to see Richard.

Pg.8

8-13-14 I thank God for my faith. I know I wouldn’t have made

it through all these challenges without help. I remember when

I was 7 years old, walking over to the Village Church of

Westwood, near UCLA and asking the minister, Dr. Soldan,

if he could talk to my parents and get them to stop fighting.

He did. I joined the church and so did my imitative parents.

It seems like I was the little adult in our dysfunctional

relationship. Anyway, joining helped tremendously and the

ice cream socials and Vacation Bible School weren’t bad

either. I met Theresa, my Editor, yesterday. Wow! What a

bundle of energy. She’s retyping my Journals.

8-16-14, Sat. feeling down, cumulative: loss mom, dad, sonny,

Robin Williams and fierce encounter with stupid dog and

owner. I got scared and yelled at owner. Now I’m afraid of

being evicted Went for a walk to market-felt better! Spoke to

Theresa, my new editor, yesterday-she was in a lot of pain.

We’ll discuss price next time.

8-17-14 Whooa! Big dream: I’d just finished Spanish 2 . Pg.9

Class and was driving home in LA. Belle was in the car with

me and she was massaging me. I was freaking out.

Thanks to Lydia’s encouragement, I’ve been reading the New

Testament. At first it seemed redundant: Mark repeats what

Matthew has said and then Luke repeats all. But I see how one

book reinforces each other. In Luke this morning, I read about

Zachiara and his wife, Elizabeth(my mom’s real first name)

were visited by Angels. Zachiara doesn’t believe the Angel and

he is struck mute. The story grabbed my imagination. I might

draw it. I don’t think too much about my biological dad

anymore. When I do, it’s Le Monsieur Bullet head Bully or le

JERK! May he rest in peace. I wish my mother had left him and

taken me with her or at the very least, hit him over the head

with a skillet like the abused wife in the movie “Chocolat.”

8-18-14 Slept until 6 am (Vacation time); Georgia comes at 10

am. She really helped me Friday in getting a checking account.

I’ve been buying money orders-what a pain. I need to call to

get a ride to church next week, Tuesday, at 11am. One way.

Just over. Janet will take me home. It really feels like Monday.

Yesterday I helped with Hospitality (coffee and juice) and

being a greeter, at church. I like doing that but I was out in the

sun too long. Also, I stood for too long. I felt exhausted when I

got home. Pg. 11

8-22-14, Friday, Thank God. What a week. First Georgia asks to

switch Monday to Tuesday and for me to make myself scarce.

Ay. Ay. Ay.

I felt hurt. I would have liked to hear :”I’m not feeling well.

Could we not talk?” We’ll see what happens when she comes,

hopefully not over tired, today at 10 am.

I hope to go to K & Company and consign some of my stuff.

I need the money. Karina, the owner was very nice. She

accepted 2 of my items: A Wine Journal and a picture of

Oxford College.

8-23-14, Saturday. I feel nervous. I want to talk to the

Manager about the dog off leash situation before Scott’s

Memorial Service at 12 noon. I’ve a poem to read as a tribute.

8-24-14, Sunday. A beautiful memorial service. I got to meet

his sister and nephew. One family came from San Diego.

Another from San Francisco. His brother looked very

distinguished-worked with computers. I read my poem about

Scott. They liked it and I felt good, giving him honor and

respect. Death is getting easier. Mom in March of this year.

Bob, in April( by his physical choice-shunning me), Scott,

August 1st and Robin Williams, by suicide, 2 weeks ago. I feel

like I’m at the bottom of a pit emotionally. It is only by pg.12

faith that I march(crawl) forward. The mornings are hard for

me. Everytime I dive into the Word, I cry. Those greeting card

commercials don’t help at all.

9-2-14 What a day. Went to target, got my cart for the Pantry.

Staples had the toner I needed. All this stuff is fine but nitty-

gritty questions exist: What is Death about? Spirit? Life? Am I

religious? I feel ambivalent about Death. One the one hand, I

know it’s inevitable. Since I was shielded from it until I was 16,

I’m afraid of it. Spirit I feel really good about it. Spirit keeps

me going. Life is a gift that we have for a short time. Make the

most of it. Am I religious? Yes but not faithful to one religion.

God is in the Catholic and the Episcopal Church for me. My

mom took me to the local catholic church where we lit candles

for the week.

9-4-14 Thursday. What a night: too many dreams about Bob

and Lydia. Bob: scary smart. I feel fearful shame and rage,

after being beaten down and humiliated by him so many

times. This “folie a deux”(madness among two) is much more

painful than the simple grief I feel for my mother. Tomorrow,

Friday, it will be exactly 6 months since Betty died.

9-5-14 Exactly 6 months after Betty’s death.

Feel sad and lost but hopeful: “This too, shall pass.”

Pg. 13

I had a dream about Bob. I poured water on him and he

started screaming: “I’m shrinking, I’m shrinking!” Lovely. The

eccentric disappearing putz.

9-6-14 Saturday, slept until 6:30 am. Alright!

Today the Library at 10: a guest speaker. After, to three stores

who have my books. How are they doing? Any sales?

Craft Room at 12:30 noon. Work on a new collage!

9-7-14 Sunday. I was reminiscing that in spite of all the nasty

assaults on my senses, I remain resilient. That has helped me

not to cave in to the brute, the Goliath of my childhood(and

adulthood). I went through the cave of darkness that was my

dad and I just kept on dancing! He did not destroy my Spirit.

Instead, I beat the snot out of him emotionally. Forgiving him

is still a challenge for me in the present. I have courage,

discipline and compassion(which helps the most) for both of

us. I have to forgive him because I don’t want to carry all this

baggage of the past. And this time, there’s no need to over tip

the porter!

9/13/14 My neighbor, Dolores, bought my clock. She liked

the Norman Rockwell plate, as well. Another neighbor, Layla,

Has agreed to type my manuscript. Angela, 4:30 pm, also

Pg. 13

coming to type for me. We’ll see what happens.

September 22nd, a new Grief class is starting. I’ll go to first

class to see what it’s like.

9-17-14, Wed, pantry day, food distribution. Then at 12:45 pm

June and I go back to MPC(Monterey Peninsula College)

“Gentrain” (yesterday Egypt) today, watercolors!

Grief class was good, Tuesday. I learn something new that

helps me get through the pain of loss. It’s been 6 months since

Betsy died and I’m feeling better. I knew ahead of time that

she wouldn’t make it with her inability to catch her breath(I

sensed a pre grief with her 2 prior heart attacks.) Water color

lecture was relaxing(too!) Went to J & Co. Saw Kat, she liked

my paintings but the style of pictures she likes is 1920’s. I felt

disappointed; forgot to bring old post card and Ansel Adams

postcards book.

I wrote a letter of recommendation for Kate. Hope it helps her

to stay.

9-18-14, Thursday, slept until 5am, stayed in bed until 5:30am.

I meet new Dr. today, Dr. German. Betty will sit in. I applied to

be trained as a facilitator for NAMI Connections.35 applicants

and only 12 spaces available. I hope I get it. Pg.14

9-19-14(continued) I’ve called the young man I gave my book

to and no call back, yet. I’m worried. Angela is due to come

Friday at 2:30pm. Ay-ay-ay.z

9-20-14, Sat., I’m thinking about Dr. German, his diagnosis

And reduction of meds, from 6 down to 2. Yipes!

I feel depressed. Call Safeway, see if they got his fax for new

prescriptions. I get to keep the Trazdone for sleep. I spoke to

Kat, a friend from church. She helps me a lot. I feel grateful.

Today, the craft room, make a new collage and go to the art

gallery in the Village. Hopefully, some books sold.

Self hatred: sabotaging myself, overspending, cat dialog,

seeing Betsy the week after her death. Nap: woke up, saw her

sitting next to me, smiling.

9-21-14, Sunday, up at 6am; Lydia mean with a laugh,

reminding me about my past. Don’t call her for a while.

9-22-14, Monday, September 22, 2014 Alan came over, did too

good a job on editing. Hopefully, we can pick up the pace.

Church was good. Wish I’d been honest and asked to borrow

money for milk and eggs. Tonight, the big Grief Group with 2

wonderful people. Pg. 15

I felt feelings of guilt, shame and blame back in March, when

Betsy died. I still do but so much less. The biggest question

was why? Now, it’s thank you, Lord, for releasing her from her

burden that she carried, like an albatross, for 66 years. Thank

God for my faith, belief, friends, church, and certain healing

books and awesome teachers!

9-23-14, Tuesday, went swimming with my neighbor.

Tutoring at the library at 3:30pm. 4th grade boy, Charley,

60 % in Language Arts(perfect area for me).

9-24-14, What a nice kid, Charley and his brother Mark.

We worked on reading comprehension and math. He really

needs help in both. The library staff were very cool. I think

this tutoring will help him a lot, I hope. I came home

exhausted. Swimming in the am, then walking to and from the

library(with groceries, on the way home) I stopped and had

dinner at Katie’s Kitchen(breakfast burrito-2 meals in one.)

I still have a hole in my heart where my mother was. It hurts

to look at her picture that I made-a collage.

9-25-14, Thursday, Elizabeth, my SW, comes at 9:30 to talk

with me about my dad/mom and everything that’s going on.

Today at 3:30pm tutoring. Sat. 10:30 am, I teach a memoir

class by phone. I feel overwhelmed. Monday, Grief group, 7 to

8:30pm.

9-28-14, Sunday, Thursday I cut my meds in half, as per Dr.

German. I felt really dizzy-drinking water a lot, took back the

4 antidepressants I cut out. Adjustment time. Friday and

Saturday, I felt fine. Visit to Dr. Inquisition, Friday, was awful

rude! Will try to find a nicer dentist MONDAY.

9-29-14, Monday, Thank God, almost payday, October

1st(Wednesday). I slept well until 4:30 am. I’m disappointed

with Allen. 5 ½ hours for what. He never brings me anything

to send out. All repeat. This hourly rate is over. One price for

all: $100 or $125, that’s it!! Damn! Pg. 16

Tonight at 7pm to 8:30 pm, is GriefShare! I’m looking forward

to seeing the leaders, of course and Tasha-a connection at end

of class last time, back in March.

I need dentures and an oral surgeon. Call Dr. Benny

Vladstock, in Salinas today, not Clinica de la Salud.

Dr. Benny isn’t taking on any new Dentical patients right now.

Went to Clinica. They wanted X-rays from my previous

dentist. Come back in 2 weeks. Had a nice lunch with Gloria.

I felt relieved I didn’t have to see the dentist today.

10-4-14, Sat., my memoir class today, at 10:30am, feeling

nervous and excited. Then, after 12 noon, the craft room for

collage making and food.

My greatest achievement was not getting my Master’s degree.

It was walking along the beach in Santa Barbara, at age 15,

with my best friend from HS., and suddenly stopping just to

hear the waves crashing mightily on the shore. There was an

immense sense of calm and peace. I’ll never forget that day or

that feeling of awe! That, without a doubt , was my best

milestone, and I am proud to be a part of it.

10-5-14 Feel sick to my stomach, 100 o outside, brutal heat.

Pg. 17

Went to early service-nice and cool. Fr. Emmett’s birthday

today.

I got to talk with him a little. Alan came over and showed me

what he typed. I don’t think he understands that this is a

book, with front pieces. He’s too young. We agreed on a flat

rate of $125.00 for the whole project.

10-6-14, Monday, Sr. Lunch at 12 noon; Grief group at 7pm.

My allergies are bad: sneezing, etc. I feel foggy today.

Spoke to Jane. We’ll go to Gentrain tomorrow.

10-8-14 Still feel sick to my stomach. Ugg!

I skipped tutoring yesterday. I’m hoping to feel better

tomorrow. Jan is getting me a bottle of Gingerale.

10-9-14, Thursday, I feel sick to my stomach, nausea.

Just take it easy until 3pm Then see tutoree at the library.

10 11-14, Sat., Dental implants, if affordable, would be best.

Page 19

(continued 10-11-14) Gloria, my caregiver, was in a mood

yesterday. She asked me not to be here, Tuesday. OK,

hopefully I can go swimming then.

10-12-14, Sunday, Blessing of the Animals day, St. Francis.

Dogs were well behaved and cats, too. I’m going to hire

Annette to finish my book. Alan is taking too long!

10-13-14, Monday, Grief group tonight. Have to call Medi-cal,

get Denti-cal card. Find out about swimming Tuesday or go

have breakfast at Katie’s kitchen. Don’t be here at 9:45 am

when Gloria comes to clean. Oiy! Also, Call the doctor, take

back any of the 4 meds? Yes, doctor suggested I take back all

my meds. Felt better yesterday. Today vomited breakfast, felt

nausea. I called Gloria and came back to the apt. I’m worried

about Alan giving back my book. Very young/immature. Also,

finding a denti-cal dentist who can provide dentures and a

referral to an oral surgeon. I only have 8 teeth left. Gastric

Bypass surgery prevents the body from absorbing vitamins.

Tutoring at 3 pm today with a ride to the library. Spoke with

Angie about tutoring her son, who’s in the 3rd grade next

week, 4:30 pm to 5:30 pm.

10-15-14, Wed., Pantry day, take bus to Kasey’s, then walk the

rest of the way and then home. Good exercise.

I don’t feel sick to my stomach. Found stomach relaxer pill I

used to take, plus Pepto and Gingerale. Yeah!

10-16-14, Thurs., Woke up at 6:30am, a breakthrough! Good

night’s rest. No stomach ache. Thank you! I tutor today at

3pm. Alan is coming over with my book and a flat rate bill.

10-18-14, Sat., paid Alan $40.00. He said he’d be happy to

finish the book for me in the future. Angela hasn’t called back,

yet. I teach my class, “Writing your journey” at 10:30am.

I’m nervous and excited. This is class #4. 12 weeks. Last class is

Dec. 13th. Topic: What clutters your life?

Excess Baggage

What clutters my life, my mind is regrets for the past: wishing

I had acted in a different way. Now, I can say: “I’m sorry,” I’ve

learned, grown and it’s time to move on.

And this time, there’s no reason to overtip the Porter for non-

existent excess baggage. 10-20-14, Monday, meet with a

friend at 11:30am for coffee. Pg.18

10-20-14(continued) Grief Group tonight, 7pm to 8:30 pm.

Spoke with Frank, had a nice conversation about LA and my

dad. He had a similar experience with one of his son’s.

10-22-14, Tuesday, Denti-cal is a pain-so hard to get through!

Went to the pantry with Lori, SUV, better than walking.

Craft room at 12:30pm. I feel pretty good. Saw my regular

doctor yesterday. He’ll start me on Latuda and gradually take

me off Abilify.

10-23-14, Thursday, tutoring at 3pm. Arlene: homemade

tortillas! I really enjoyed being with Arlene and Lori in the

craft room yesterday! I’m glad I gave Arlene a bracelet for

cooking me chicken dinner with a banana smoothie.

10-24-14, Friday, Gloria comes at 10am to help clean.

Eye Dr. to fix glasses. Find out what time the book signing is.

Safeway: $10- Xerox place(UPS) 10 copies “Garage Sale” flyer.

Spoke with young lady from Clinica de la Salud. They’re

getting my xrays from Dr. Neruda. $10- to shop.

10-25-14, Sat., my Memoir class at 10:30am.

Craft Room at 12:30pm: Make ceramics with Lori and Agnes,

friends. Call Alan and make apt. for 2:30 Sun.(bring book and

photos- to show Lorraine when I was thin!) pg19

10-29-14, Wed., Pantry day, hopefully with a ride up to the

church. Gloria gave her 2 week notice yesterday(doing the

floor was too much). I feel bad, a little rejected. What broke

the camel’s back? How can I improve with my next caregiver?

Craft room at 12:15noon. Leonard helped me put up a new

blog on Twitter, got 50 hits already. I wrote an article about a

chance meeting with John Steinbeck’s widow, Elaine, 10 years

ago.10-31-14, Fri., Thank God, day with Ex and niece, a nice

visit to come.

10-31-14, Gloria comes today at 10am. I’ve mixed feelings. I

feel hurt, angry and confused yet I know all will be well.

11-1-14, Sat., Nov. 1st, payday. I had a real nice time with Lydia

and her niece. Looking forward to Thanksgiving. Cash check,

shop Safeway, Craft room at 1 pm.

11-3-14, Mon., nice luncheon(Stewardship) at the golf course

yesterday. Sean gave a beautiful testimony about music and

his daughter. Halyard gave Sean a fake punch to the stomach.

Alan came bringing nothing, as suspected. Wants to be paid

by the hour. See him today at 2:30pm(20 pages of poems and

flashdrive). Another check. 11:45 am Jane comes to go to

Senior Luncheon and maybe Stationery store, to make a copy

of my book, before calling Angela to finish typing. Pg.20

11-4-14, Tues., I found a real person to format my book. Will

send her my ms. Wed. Gloria comes today at 10 am. I catch

Rides at 8am to see skin dr. at 9, rash on face hands, etc.

Susana and her husband are here til Thanksgiving! Coffee and

lunch! After Dr. appt. go over to daughter’s apt.

11-6-14, Thursday, tutoring at 3 pm. Switch things up: do

Social Studies first, then math sentences(take forever and are

boring.) Got book(138 pages long) together to mail Fri, Gloria

comes at 9 am; on to dentist, must pick up X-rays first.

11-8-14, Sat, Memoir class at 10:30 am, Topic: What’s my

greatest success? What’s MY GREATEST FAILURE?

Marie, a 6th grader at Gage Jr HS, her mom shaved her head

for stealing CANDY , I went to the school nurse. She made a

home visit, got mom into counseling, Saw them both in the

car next to me, giggling and laughing , 6 months later.

Divorce-how could I handled things better, not panic when I

heard the word disability.

Will mail off my book , now 120 pages, took out early journals.

11=9-14, Sunday, church, return book to Ruth, Safeway, Rx,

Skin Dr., mail out postcards, make flyer for Book Signing. TG

no Alan. Pg.20

11-10-14, Mon., Eye Dr., terrible headaches: pinched nerve?

Call Lori, take me to Oral Surgeon Fri., Hollister , 11 am? .

MST, also.

11-11-14, Tues., Gloria’s last day(I have to stay away til 12:30

noon.) Call Angela –progress? (on my book).

11-13-14, Thurs., Betty at 9:30am, yeah!

Tutor at 3pm. Thanksgiving in 2 weeks. One of my fave

holidays. Loss of parents in March and April, a huge loss,

Losing both parents. Thank God for ex-tended family:Lindy

and Lonnie, ex-wfe and her niece, in Salinas. Dinner from Nob

Hill Market, fine with me! Recipe for cranberry sauce: take

and wash real cranberries, blend with orange juice and

Splenda! Voila!

11-15-14, Sat, called in sick for memoir class. I feel awful.

Thanksgiving: gratitude for friends, extended family and kind

****************************************************

*************neighbors, especially with both parents gone.

11-16-14, Sun., no church or reception for Legacy Society.

Slept till 8 am! Nice. Don’t feel as sick. Yeah!

11-26-14, Wed., day before turkey day! Saw oral surgeon

yesterday, he was very nice and staff. Tues, 12/16 all my teeth

to be taken out; sedation. Caretaker must stay in waitingpg.21

room; one and 1/2 hours to 2 hours. Kiwanis diner tonight,

6pm. I translated for my friends yesterday, called furniture

store in Juarez, Mexico, to make a payment. Susana said “You

speak beautiful Spanish.” That made me feel really good. I do

speak beautiful Spanish. 6 years at UCLA finally paid off.

11-29-14, Sat., Emailed the owner of business store if I could

still do book signing at 1 pm today? No response. Is owner

upset because I cancelled? Probably. My telephone class at

10:30 am had Susana on it. Great class altho sometimes like

pulling teeth. a great Thanksgiving with my friends.

Lonnie went to the Emergency Room-no 2ndary infection, got

a stronger pain pill! Thank God. Spoke to her, heard

discouragement in her voice. Will need to continue to pray for

her. Called Prayer Chain of Silent Unity-felt better. Will keep

affirming Lonnie’s health and mood.

11-30-14, Sun., will see Katy and Mikey today at church-will

serve on hospitality team, serving coffee and donuts in the

rain. Rent due tomorrow and $325.00 to dentist. Yipes!

12-2-14, Tues., rain and lots of it, a flood. No swimming today.

Tutoring at 3pm.Lonnie sounded better yesterday on the

phone.

12-3-14 Slept til 6:30am, the pantry today at 10am, hopefully

Lorrie will take me and then help caregive.

Need to go to the PO and Safeway.

12-4-14, Thurs., get laundry back, see Betty at 9:30am,

Prepaid dentist $325.00 for the 16th, when I have all my

teeth pulled, 7:30am in Hollister.

12-5-14, Fri., Food Bank today at 10am, Lonnie at 11am,

Safeway, William Arthur Gallery(and Gerri). Tutoring went

well. Being proactive really paid off. Much more enjoyable

tutoring session.

12-6-14, Sat., telephone class at 10:30 am (next Sat. the last

class, yea!) Lori comes over with her fiancé to clean the floors

and vacuum? Craft Fair in the craft room, 10 to 4 pm.

12-8-14, Mon., Grief class tonight, Heaven, next to last class.

Talked to Lonnie, she didn’t sound good. Dinner, next Mon.,

chapter 13 in the workbook.

12-9-14, Tues., tutoring at 3pm, Lonnie sick, maybe Wed, 11 to

2pm. Slept almost to 9am. Janice left me a lampshade for my

bare bones light in the living room. Left message-no return

call-2x.

12-10-14, Wed, I don’t like FB, too many neg. images.

The Pantry at 10 am. Call Lorrie at 9am.

Pg.22