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John James Santangelo C.Ht. - www.LANLP.com - [email protected] - (818) 879-2000

Communication Skills To Get What You Want Every Time!

John James Santangelo’s

For Information Regarding John James Santangelo For Speaking or Products - www.LANLP.com All Rights Reserved. Please contact www.LANLP.com for reprint permission rights.

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Welcome To “Speak Up System” Biography Why learn to Speak Up? Historical Magic of NLP Definition of NLP eBook 1: Getting Your Goals... Finally

NLP Success Formula Keys to an Achievable Outcome Well Formedness Outcomes Formula Defined Goal Setting Worksheet

eBook 2: Instant Rapport With Anyone Communication Model

Rapport Representational Systems Predicates Predicates Phrases Representational Systems Test

eBook 3: Communication Mastery Communication Model Presuppositions of Language Values Laws of Influence

eBook 4: Hypnotic Language Patterns Language Mastery

Presuppositions MindRead Test Hypnotic Language Patterns

Reframing Intonation Patterns

eBook 5: Controlling Emotions & States Anchoring

Resource Anchors Collapse Anchors Circle of Excellence Negotiation Strategy New Behavior Generator

eBook 6: Deciphering Meaning In Others Meta-Model Deletion Distortion Generalization Meta-Model Table Deep Love Strategy Spelling Strategy Personality Test

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Table Of Contents

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T hank you for spending your most precious resource with me... your time! I promise to give you the very best and most powerful tools available in today’s marketplace. You are about to learn some of the most effective communication and influential tools that have been tested and refined over the past 40 years since their inception. I’ve spent the last two decades using and teaching these simple and effective skills to thousands of success hungry individuals just like you through my speeches, workshops and websites. My hope is that you take this important information and apply it to your everyday life, because when you do, you're going to find the most miraculous experiences and opportunities presenting themselves to you. Have you ever found yourself surrounded by other people doing amazingly well for themselves? Perhaps it’s the man or woman in your office, or the other parent at your kids school, or one of your best friends who always seems to be in the right place at the right time. The truth is there is no ‘right’ place. You make the opportunities reveal themselves when you’re able to enlist others into your dream, plan or vision. Others want to help if they understand there’s an opportunity in it for them also. (unless you hang around with Jesus, Buddha, the Pope, or Mother Theresa) If you could distill down their behavior you’d no doubt see certain behavioral characteristics they utilize, one being the ability to create rapport with anyone they choose, and the other, the ability to always influence themselves first in order to influence someone else. A wonderful quote by Zig Ziglar encapsulates this point; “You can have anything in the world you want if you’ll first just help enough other people get what they want.” The main focus of this system will be to teach you how to set proper goals when speaking with others, develop a powerful vocabulary, create instant rapport with anyone, build unshakable self-confidence, learn to ask compelling questions to uncover the exact information you need, utilize hypnotic language patterns to influence perspectives, reframe any objection, structure negotiations that produce a win-win, and finally learn to put it all together to produce extraordinary results. What you’re now reading has the potential to skyrocket your success in life to levels you’ve only imagined. Some studies have shown that most self-development programs never have a major effect of the individuals who purchase them because they never take this powerful information and incorporate it into their daily routines. Be the exception! Make this your launch pad to a new way of communicating with yourself and many others you consistently surround yourself with. I anticipate that one day I’ll be hearing from you about the extraordinary results you’ve produced for yourself because I understand where you’re coming from. You see, I’ve been there, maybe like many of you, frustrated, struggling, and uncertain. Though through it all, I’ve come to realize one thing; I’m in control of it all, and if I’m in control of it, then I can change it. Because it’s all my choice! And I choose to be successful and prosperous. . I know you will begin to learn many new things as you open up your awareness and suspend your beliefs about what you’ve done in the past and who you think you are. Take one concept at a time, learn it thoroughly and make it your own. Become artful in mastering your communication with others because if you are willing to play with a new set of rules for life, you’ll find yourself experiencing many wonderful opportunities and endless possibilities that only dreams are made of. Welcome to a new way of communicating... welcome to a new world! Sincerely, John James Santangelo

Welcome To The “Speak Up System”

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Since starting at the early age of 15 years old as a professional magician, John James Santangelo has gone on to become one of America’s top speakers spreading his infectious spirit and utilizing his ability to entertain while teaching. He offers audiences nationwide an exciting, motivating and enriching experience and redefines the words enthusiasm and passion while giving audiences not only the "what" but also the "how to do it," empowering them to succeed in their personal lives as well as their career!

Biography

John is a leading expert in understanding and stimulating human potential. Utilizing powerful delivery and newly emerging methodologies, John's customized presentations will teach, inspire, and channel any audience to new levels of achievement. John’s interactive and exciting seminars empower participates to continuously reach for higher levels of performance to make the changes necessary to achieve their goals. He teaches his audience HOW TO model excellence and the ‘process’ of change itself to produce fresh new capabilities leading to outstanding results. They learn how to develop a flexibility of thinking that is congruent with the volume, speed and complexity of change in today's fast-paced world. John is a Toastmaster award recipient, a certified health and fitness consultant, a volunteer ‘Big Brother’ of the Big Brother and Sisters of America Association, spokesperson for the Make-A-Wish foundation, a college graduate with honors achieving his certification degree in clinical hypnotherapy, a behavioral specialist, a trainer in (NLP) Neuro-Linguistic Programming, and 25 years experience as a successful entrepreneur to currently a professional speaker, author, trainer and coach.

John is founder of Maximum Success Empowerment Seminars, a personal, professional coaching and development program company that is dedicated to teaching people how to unleash their awesome inner ability, maximize their potential, to produce outstanding results. John has the knowledge, background, and experience working with companies such as the Learning Annex, Mary Kay, Microsoft, Well Point, Xerox, Century-21 and RE/MAX Realtors, Multi-Sclerosis Society, the Teamsters Union, and post 9/11 as head trainer teaching lie-detection skills to the US Army counter-intelligence team in Fort Bragg, North Carolina.

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Seriously, why do you want to learn to Speak Up With Power & Influence? What influenced YOU to buy this system? You, like me, could probably think of at least a thousand reasons to write down here, but only one will have the biggest impact for you... TO MAKE LIFE EASIER! As Zig Ziglar says: “ You’ll never get what YOU want until you FIRST help enough other people get what THEY want!” I whole-heartedly believe and live my life by this principle. Do you agree with this statement? Think about it. In order for you to have, create and/or get anything in your life, someone had to dream of it, manufacture it, ship it and sell it to you BEFORE you can have it. (Although most of us do not interact with anyone other than a salesperson in our normal daily environment.) Everything we will do, be and have, in some way, we will have to interact with someone else to acquire it. Your ability to influence yourself AND anyone within your world DEPENDS upon your ability to communicate, even persuade, your needs to another person who can help you get it. Do you fully understand this point I’ve just made? Because if you do then this program will become INVALUABLE to you. This system contains some of the most powerful influential skills you could possible learn anywhere! Life is about enrolling others into your plans! Whether it be helping your kids become resourceful adults, building a successful career, or deepening the relationships you have with friends and family, enrolling others in your product, service, or business is the same as enrolling them in YOU! So why learn to speak up? So you’ll become your very own success story. You can feel proud and confident of your efforts and results. What I’ve studied and learned about successful individuals over the last 25 years is over-whelming. I’ve forgotten more than I can remember about what makes people like you and I stretch from their comfort zones to do the things they derive pleasure from in their lives. Have YOU ever felt stuck or restricted in your efforts to DO your life? Of course you have. And I used to feel that way A LOT. The one factor that changed my perspective was my ability to TAKE CONSISTANT ACTION! I’ve learned there are two important distinctions for success. One is KNOWING exactly what you want, and the other is learning to get out of your own way. You’ll hear me write and say this to you this through-out this program. LEARN IT! Because the biggest obstacles in our lives are not other people but are own voices of self doubt about ourselves. Having confidence and faith in who we are and what were capable of are the defining factors of true success. You have taken a huge step in becoming the kind of individual you may have always dreamed of. Learning to influence yourself and other people will produce more for you than any other one thing you could do for yourself. You’ll begin to feel more confident in your speaking with other people, communicating your ideas or making presentations at work, expressing yourself in your intimate relationships, even your ability to find and prosper at all the financial opportunities that come your way. Your possibilities are ENDLESS! You are now in control of your future! You now have the tools and information to produce extraordinary results. it now depends on YOU! What will you do at this moment in time? Will you seize the moment or let it slip away like so many others do when they want to make changes. I am here to help you DO WHATEVER IT TAKES. Climb aboard my rocket ship and lets go for the ride of your life. You literally CAN DO anything you decide to do! DECIDE and then ACT! Make this your new motto for your life! Lets get started shall we?

Why Learn To Speak Up?

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We use the term "magic" in NLP to speak about the very structure and experience of excellence. So when anybody does something in a superb and wonderful way-- from learning, decision making, staying motivated, being resilient, operating proactively, managing, making wealth, selling, etc., we know that that experience has structure and that we can learn and replicate that magic. NLP, as a model of human functioning, takes a very different attitude from some of the old psychologies. In NLP, we do not start from the assumption that people are broken. No. Instead, we assume the opposite - that people work perfectly well, that they have all the resources that they need, and that the only problem isn't with them, but with their strategies or programming. The Origins - NLP is a branch of the Cognitive Sciences and Cognitive Behavioral Psychology. It grew out of General Semantics (Korzybski), Transformational Grammar (Noam Chomsky), Anthropology and Cybernetics (Bateson), Reframing (Watzalawick, et al.), Family Systems (Virginia Satir), Gestalt Therapy (Perls), Medical hypnosis (Milton Erickson), and several related studies, which is the most respectable body of knowledge from which NLP arose. The Founders - The development of NLP came in very tumultuous times of the early 1970s in America and specifically in California. A time of social upheaval, Vietnam War protests, drugs and rock-n-roll. A young Santa Cruz college student (Richard Bandler) happened upon the work of Fritz Perls and then Virginia Satir and found that he could mimic their high-level therapeutic skills and produce the same results with the same effectiveness in a very short period of time. So he enlisted the help of a young college professor of linguistics (Dr. John Grinder) to help him figure it out and supervise a class and suddenly they both were replicating the skills that were supposed to be graduate therapy skills and figured out (or modeled) the magic of these therapeutic wizards. So it began on the campus of the University of California at Santa Cruz, Bandler used what he knew about patterns in mathematics and computers and Grinder used what he knew about patterns in linguistics to create a model about the Perls and Satir model-- a meta-model ("meta" is Greek for "above, beyond, and about). After enjoying immediate and powerful results from their initial modeling projects, Richard and John set out to model with a formal introduction from Gregory Bateson, the hypnotic skills of Milton Erickson, and many other influential individuals whom they distilled information from. And within two years, they produced the original NLP books - The Structure of Magic, Volumes I and II The Patterns of the Hypnotic Language of Erickson, Vol. I & II They built a communication model about human "thinking" and "processing", how we see images, hear sounds, reproduces smells, tastes and touch in our mind to track and structure subjective experiences. Then another influential student - Robert Dilts was soon commissioned to write the first scholarly book on NLP, entitled; Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Volume I: The Study of the Structure of Subjectivity. This set forth NLP as a model and a foundation for the epistemology within the nature of psychology and science ! In the introduction to The Structure of Magic Series, Gregory Bateson says that Bandler and Grinder "create the beginnings of an appropriate theoretical base for the describing of human interaction... “Grinder and Bandler, have succeeded in making linguistics into a base for theory and simultaneously into a tool for therapy!” To this day, NLP has diversified into a whole new journey of therapy, change and evolution. Though it’s roots will always remain in Linguistics!

The Historical Magic of NLP!

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A Model of Communication and Personality

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) began as a model of how we communicate to ourselves and others. It was originally developed by Richard Bandler, John Grinder and others. NLP is a model of structure which explains how we process the information that comes to us from our outside world. The belief is that "The map is not the territory." And so the internal representations that we make inside our minds about an outside event are not necessarily the event itself. It is only representation of our outside world. Typically, what happens is that there is an external event, we run that event through our own internal processing filters. We then make an Internal Representation (I/R) of that event. Those I/R’s of the event combines with a physiology creates a state. "State" refers to the internal emotional state of the individual i.e.; a happy state, a sad state, a motivated state, and so on. Our I/R includes our internal pictures, sounds and dialogue, and our feelings (for example, whether we feel motivated, challenged, pleased, excited, and so on). A given state is the result of the combination of an internal representation and a physiology. When we experience an event coming in through our sensory input channels it includes:

Visual including the sights we see or the way someone looks at us Auditory including sounds, words we hear and words spoken to us Kinesthetic or external feelings, including the touch of someone/something Olfactory which is smell; and Gustatory which is taste.

Neuro -The Nervous System, through which our experience is processed via five senses: * Visual * Auditory * Kinesthetic * Olfactory * Gustatory

Linguistics - Language and other non-verbal communication systems through which our neural representations are coded, ordered and given meaning:

* Pictures * Sounds * Feelings * Tastes * Smells * Words (self-talk)

Programming -The ability to discover and utilize programs we run (the communication to ourselves and others) in our neurological systems to achieve our desired outcomes.

“NLP is a methodology based on the overall operational presupposition that all behavior has a structure, and that structure can be modeled, learned, taught, and changed (re-programmed). The way to know what will be useful and effective are acute perceptual skills. NLP has evolved as an innovative technology enabling the practitioner to organize information and perceptions in ways that allow them to achieve results that were once inconceivable.” ~ Richard Bandler

Definition of NLP

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eBook 1

Getting Your Goals... Finally!

"What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals."

~ Zig Zigler ~

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1. Know Your Outcome People response best when they know what they want as opposed to what they don’t want.

“Every problem is an Outcome ... just one you no longer want.” 2. Take Action

This is Personal Power Ask: “How?” not “Why?”

3. Have Sensory Acuity

To reach outcomes know whether you’re getting closer or further away. Learn to read feedback. “No failure, only feedback.”

4. Have Behavioral Flexibility

The person with the most flexibility will be the controlling element in the system. When you haven’t got the outcome you want, change your behavior, not your outcome.

“Limitations point to possibilities.”

5. Operate From A Physiology and Psychology Of Excellence * We are in control of our minds, therefore our results. The ability to control your physiology (breathing, posture, language) and tap into the innate resources (attitudes, beliefs, values) you have within you at any given time is a state of true personal power.

NOTE: Statements followed by an asterisk are not ‘traditional’ NLP Principles .

NLP Success Formula

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1 - Outcome: “If I can imagine it, I can have it. What do I want in my life right now?” You __________ what ______ _________ about, all day long! 2 - Action: “What three things can I do today to take action right now?” A. B. C. Know _________ to do and, Do __________ _______ know! 3 - Awareness: “ What am I consistently focusing my attention upon?” Notice what _____ ___________________ ! 4 - Flexibility: “Can I step out of my comfort zone and be open to new opportunities?” Do _________________ else! ____________ your approach! 5 - Allow: ____________ on your _______________! 6 - Gratitude: “How can I be happy with more in my life if I’m not happy with what I have now?” Be ______________ for ______ you do have!

(You need to email me to get these answers!)

NLP Success Formula

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COMMITMENT TO SUCEED. Or determination has been stated time and time again in every self-development and motivational program since Napoleon Hill wrote “Think And Grow Rich” back in 1937. The lack of commitment or persistence, is by far the leading cause of success gone by the road-side than all other factors combined. Could you imagine as a parent telling your child, after many failed attempts at walking, “Don’t bother, give it up, you know you’ll never learn to walk, look how many times you’ve fallen!” Of course not, we know that in the early childhood stages of learning a new task we’ll do it over and over until we succeed. But, as adults we tend to relinquish our fate to fear of rejection or fear of failure. Such a shame! So many amazing opportunities have most likely slipped through our fingers because of our lack of commitment. We are our own worst enemy.

“Many men fail because they quit too soon. They lose faith when the signs are against them. They do not have the courage to hold on, to keep fighting in spite of that which seems insurmountable. If more of us would strike out and attempt the “impossible,” we very soon would find the truth of that old saying that that nothing is impossible... abolish fear and you can accomplish anything you wish.”

Dr. Welch - founder Welch’s grape juice. Commitment to purpose is simply staying focused and getting up after each fall, again, and again. This same philosophy holds true for communication. It is, and will continue to be, a learning process each and every time we get our game face on, every interaction, meeting or conversation, from the first one of the day to the last. It becomes a game of stamina. It’s called survival of the fittest. How bad do you want it? The biggest challenge most people face on a daily basis is “ rejection” or a fear of failure. Just remember this, it is just a feeling! It is not an obstacle as it may sometimes appear. The key to push beyond those feeling is to stop and notice why these feelings are being manifested. Usually it’s a past belief about your capabilities, weaknesses and strengths. Ask yourself; is this real? You can choose to move forward or let it hold you back? Remember, it’s just a feeling and you can change a feeling and empower yourself at any given moment, during any circumstance. (we’ll talk more about how to rid those feelings in a later chapter, the ability to put yourself in a positive state whenever you choose.) So what is it that you’re committed to? Can you write down in two or three sentences, your vision or mission statement? This small task has huge implications. It defines WHO YOU ARE and will give you purpose and motivation for every action and task. This statement filters your actions by telling the world; “This Is Who I Am!”

The Ninth King of Egypt's 18th Dynasty - Amenhotep III

“You are your own worst obstacle. Get out of your own way.”

Commitment of Purpose

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In order to successfully achieve your goals, two things must be present in the process. One; you must know specifically what it is you desire, and second; learn to get out of your own way! Begin by asking yourself this important question - ”If I knew I couldn’t fail, and I could only succeed , what would I be, do or have?” Answering congruently, you’ll then start moving towards your goal(s)! 1. Stated in the positive Know what you want, not what you don’t want! 2. Specify present situation Where are you now? (Associated) 3. Specify outcome What will you see, hear, feel, etc. when you have it? - As if now, - Make it compelling, - Insert into future (dissociated) 4. Specify evidence procedure How will you know when you have it? 5. Is it congruently desirable? What will this outcome get for you or allow you to do? 6. Is it self-initiated & self-maintained? Is it only for you? 7. Is it appropriately contextualized? Where, when, how, and with whom do you choose to have it? 8. What resources are required? What do you have now, and what do you require to achieve your outcome? Have you ever had or done this before? Do you know anyone who has it? Can you act as if you have it? 9. Is it ecological? For what purpose do you choose to have it? What will you gain or lose of you have it?

Keys To Achievable Outcomes

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1) State the goal in positive terms. Describe the Present Situation and compare it with the desired future goal.

Where are you now? Where do you want to be? What do you want? State it in the positive (what you want to achieve).

2) Specify the goal in Sensory Based Terms. What will you see, hear, feel, etc., when you have it? What steps or stages are involved in reaching this goal? Engage all of your senses in this description process to employ more of your brain and nervous system. Have you broken down your goal into small enough chunks so that each is do-able? What are the sizes of the behavioral chunks? Could the size possibly overwhelm you?

3) Specify the goal in a way that you find compelling. Is the goal compelling? Does it pull on you? Make it a compelling future representation that's dissociated (When you see your goal make sure you see yourself having obtained your goal.) 4) Run a Quality Control check on your Goal to make sure it is for you in all areas of your life.

Is the desired goal right for you in all circumstances of your life? Is your goal appropriate in all your personal relationships? What will having your goal give you that you do not now have? What will having your goal cause you to lose? Is your goal achievable?

Run a quality check to make sure that your goal fits every part. Ask, "Are there any parts of me that objects to actualizing this desired goal?" 5) Self-initiated and maintained. Is the goal something that you can initiate yourself and maintain? Test your goal by asking if it is something that you have within your power or ability to do.

Is it within your control? Your goal must be something you initiate and maintain. It must not be something dependent on other people. Make sure your goal reflects things you can directly affect. Is it self initiated and maintained? 6) State the Context of the goal.

Where, when, how, with whom, etc. will you get this goal? Test your goal by applying it to a context: when, where, with who, etc. to make sure that it is going to be fitting and appropriate. Readjust your goal to make sure that it fits. 7) State the Resources needed to achieve the goal.

What resources will you need in order to get this goal? Who will you have to become? Have you ever had or done this before? Do you know anyone who has? What prevents you from moving toward it and attaining it now?

8) Evidence Procedure.

How will you know that your goal has been realized? What will let you know that you have attained that desired state?

Well-Formed Outcomes

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Prepare your mind! What in Gods name does that mean anyway? (by the way, if you haven’t noticed yet, I like to ask a lot of questions, it’s how you get to read minds; HINT) A prepared mind is ready for any circumstance. This is a very important distinction about successful individuals who are manifesting real abundance in their lives. It’s never the experiences in life that makes you a success, it’s how you handle them effectively! It means get ready and prepare in advance for the experience. What are your values? - Values are simply what is most important to you at this point in your life. I want you to make a list of what IS most important to you in your life right now. Get out a piece of paper and do that right now! With this list you’ll have a deeper understanding of how you fit into someone else’s world. Be honest with yourself, your true values with be heard, felt and understood with every relationship you create. This will lead to your long-term success. Continually learn! This one trait gives you the ability to access more resources at any given moment with your interactions, making you look like a star in their eyes. When you can become a reliable resource to your family, friends and clients they will have a tendency to call upon you first to solve problems, and it’ll be your strength and confidence that will do that fro them. Perfect practice makes perfect! I like simple and easy, what about you? It makes life so much more enjoyable. Although true artists, in any profession, make it LOOK easy. Wouldn’t you agree? And that the catch! Behind the scenes are days, months and years of preparation, rehearsal and knowing your value you bring to the table. Practicing and honing the specific skills to influence people to buy into you are paramount. In order to become proficient at any task you must understand it is your ability to consistently tap into the strategy which produces that specific result each and every time. And to do that your mind requires the specific neurological pathway for that specific message to follow through the nervous system to create that desired result. If not, the old neuro-pathways of your past will run automatically. They are on auto-pilot. So it’s not just practice, but perfect practice which creates more effective neurological pathways each and every time Here’s something to remember to do. Create a strategy or plan for your interaction with others? Can you list them as steps that anyone could follow? With a simple plan, anyone should be able to begin and end with the same results YOU produce. NLP defined this as Modeling! The ability to replicate the same strategy someone else can do, in yourself. The ability to produce the same successful result over and over is your ultimate task.

Prepare Your Mind

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“Ask and thou shall receive,” seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened to you.” Matt 7:7

How many times have you heard this phrase? I’ll bet thousands, and how many times have you properly asked? Yes, there is a proper way to ask. Many individuals like yourself, are searching for meaning in life, while others make the assumption their life was laid out like a one-lane highway and this is the only road to drive upon. Let me assure you, it’s the only road they’re aware of because they haven’t mapped out a destination. Real success becomes the destination you plot out for your life. You’d never think of building a home without proper blue prints, or planning a vacation without reservations. Many people will take a whole year to plan for one day of their marriage and never take one day and plan for a year of their lives together. A shame! I have personally coached individuals from all walks of life to help guide them in their quest of that fulfillment. The biggest challenge most have in designing an extraordinary life is they don’t understand they have the power to control it at all times. They don’t understand when things don’t go their way, they’re actually asking for it in one form of how the universe provides. Most don’t understand, in order to manifest abundance and prosperity, you must know exactly what it is you desire in order to create it. This is how the universe works. You ask, it provides, that simple! Unfortunately, most never ask, or worse yet, ask for what they don’t want instead, and the universe provides for that also… “ I don’t want to be sick.” “I don’t want to be unhappy.” “ I don’t want to be in this stinking job.” “ I’m tired of being poor.” “I wanna make enough money to pay my lousy bills.” “I hate my body.” I don’t wanna be in this unhealthy relationship.” The challenge is that most don’t know what it is they do want. And “If your goals are not being fulfilled, you’re fulfilling someone else’s.” Think about it. How long have you dreamed of somewhere else other than the path you’re on now? The answer to lead a life of fulfillment and purpose, is to decide now what direction you’d like to map out for your life? You see, your brain only does one thing 24 hours a day… it moves you in the direction of your dominant thoughts. So, what do you focus upon daily? Regret, shame, guilt, blame, lack of abundance? If this is your daily focus, guess what, it’s what the universe will provide for you. It doesn’t have discretionary ability, it moves you in the direction of what you focus upon . Emerson said, “you become what you think about, all day long.” So, choose carefully! But how do I choose you ask, and ask properly? Well, there is a simple formula. You ask in the three P’s. Personal, Present tense, Positive. That’s it, easy isn’t it? Not really. If it were, everyone would already have all they desire. The key is to maintain your focus upon what it is you desire moment to moment! Even when things seem to not be going your way, remain focused! This is the key. We’ll expand on this formula in greater detail later. For now, just imagine if anything were possible, what would you really like to be, do, or have in your life? This simple act of manifesting is the foundation for all success, abundance, and prosperity.

Outcomes

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In order to manifest anything in life, you first must know exactly what it is. This section will help you do just that; to define exactly what you desire. In Fung Shei, there are nine energy quadrants arranged in a square, three on top of three on top of three, called the ‘Bagua’. Starting from top left and moving around clockwise the nine areas are Prosperity, Fame/Reputation, Love/Relationships, Creativity, Helpful People/Travel, Career, Skills/Knowledge, Family, and Health in the middle. Step one - Choose from one of the nine quadrants above to focus upon. Imagine if all things are possible, what would you decide to have in your life right now? Then, open up your creative mind, do not judge, do not hold back, nor invite doubt into the process, dream / pretend as if it already exists in your life. In the space provided, describe clearly what this is for you. _______________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ This becomes one of the biggest challenges for most people. We tend to know very clearly, what it is we don’t want, but few know, beyond any doubt, what it is they truly do desire from their life. So, take a moment and decide now to search your past for the things which truly make you happy, provide meaning, and fulfill a purpose in your life. This may take an hour, a week, or lifetime. Your possibilities are only limited by your creativity. Dream big, very big! Step two - Now that you clearly know what it is that you want, define it even more. What would let you know that you have it? What does it look like? Sound like? Feel like? How would you act if you already had it in your possession? Write it out as if it already exists in your life. What would you have to experience in order for you to know you have it in your life right now? When you are clear about what you want, you could explain it to someone and there would be no doubt they would believe you.

1. ____________________________________________________ 2. ____________________________________________________ 3. ____________________________________________________ 4. ____________________________________________________ 5. ____________________________________________________ 6. ____________________________________________________ 7. ____________________________________________________ 8. ____________________________________________________ 9. ____________________________________________________ 10. ___________________________________________________

Outcomes cont.

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“Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind… What we sow is also what we reap.” Deepak Chopra

Action is the primary vehicle to which all your dreams, goals, and desires are manifested. Nothing in the universe has been created unless it was first initiated by a thought. One major law of physics, law meaning "rule of action", is cause and effect. Every thought, word and deed is a cause set in motion, which sets off a wave of energy throughout the universe. "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." Every cause, whether individual or collectively, results in an effect, from the microcosm to the macrocosm. For anything to be created or occur in the physical world, something must cause an event to take place. There’s a very specific relationship with this law, it is the law of motion. In order for an object or event to move from it’s existing location or reality, something must exert enough pressure, and come in direct contact with that object for it to be modified or changed. So how does this apply in your life? In order for you to manifest anything in your life, you must exert some kind of pressure and make contact with your goal to create movement and produce a result. Action, in of itself, is a neutral characteristic. It is not concerned with what or who exerts the pressure. Action is the characteristic of movement, not direction. Action coupled with direction creates a desired result. One without the other becomes a useless tool. Clarity is power. But without action, it’s just potential power. The simple act of movement or energy is the determining factor in the success of your goals. The factor in determining the results you receive will be when you decide to take action. It is a cause set in motion and energy placed behind your goal. One major condition which stops most people in deciding to take action is FEAR! Fear stops more people from reaching their dreams than any other factor. The fear of rejection, fear of ridicule, fear of failure, even the fear of success. Yes, success! What happens if I succeed, then what? What will I have to give up in order to have this goal? Have you heard this before; “Be careful what you wish for.” It is the fear of the unknown which truly scares people into complacency. We’d rather do nothing than take action to move in the direction of achieving our dreams. Sounds self-defeating doesn’t it? General Patton once said, “Fear kills more people than death, death kills us but once and we don’t even know it. Fear kills us over and over again, suddenly at times, brutally at others.” Because there is a direct consequence for every causal relationship, deciding not to take action is also an action set in motion. The consequence of in-action can be more detrimental than the effect of the action taken. Your ability to risk is directly proportionate to the risk you face at every moment. Risk = Results! The connective relationship between risk and results is action. It is the bridge which connects the two concepts together. It’s not that we don’t know what to do, it’s that we’re in fear of taking risks to define what it is that we do want or desire. Taking action IS the only way to succeed in ANY area of your life! What are you willing to risk right now to change your life and move in a new direction? The choice is yours!

Action

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Now that you know what it is that you want, write it again below: _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ What would have to happen in order for you to manifest this into your life? What ten action steps can you take to begin the manifestation process? Write out ten small steps which will begin to move you to produce results. Every small steps counts towards your ultimate success. Neil Armstrong said as he took his first step on the moon, “that’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” It all starts with a single action. You deserve to succeed, and it’s your right to abundance and prosperity. Decide now and take action. At the beginning of the week, write out your action steps, and include the steps you haven’t finished from your previous week.

1. _______________________________________________________ 2. _______________________________________________________ 3. _______________________________________________________ 4. _______________________________________________________ 5. _______________________________________________________ 6. _______________________________________________________ 7. _______________________________________________________ 8. _______________________________________________________ 9. _______________________________________________________ 10. ______________________________________________________

If you truly would like to see your goal happen ten times faster, write out one hundred action steps, designed to move you at lightening speed and propel you into your outcome.

Action cont.

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“Awareness alone can create immense transformations.” John James Santangelo What IS working? This one question encapsulates the entire concept of awareness. What do you focus upon? What is working or what isn’t working? When you know your outcome and have taken action… is it working? In the area of your life you decide to focus upon, are you aware of it working or not? What results have you produced? Many individuals focus on the failure of the process. When you consistently focus on what is going wrong, what didn’t work, or what failed, you’ll produce more of those results. Let’s look at it from another perspective, and view failure as just another result. It’s just one answer to the same question. A question which has many answers. One answer, one result. In the bigger picture, all you have done is produced a result, but not the one you intended. Once you know what it is you desire, all the opportunities will begin to appear, and it’s just a matter of becoming aware of them. For example; if you’ve ever bought a car and been out driving around, have you noticed how many other people are driving the same car? Did they all go out and buy the same car on the same day? No! It’s because you just opened up your awareness to that particular object of desire. Again, once you know what it is you want, the universe will provide for you all the opportunities to help you manifest it. Neurologically, we are taking in two million bits of information per second into our brains through our five senses. Our brain then distills it down to just seven bits of information, plus or minus two. Imagine all the information that is lost, and all the opportunities we miss because we can only process such a small amount at one time. Because we are also governed by the pain/pleasure principle, our body’s primary intention is to avoid pain, then to achieve pleasure. So we tend to look for pain avoiding strategies first. We’ve been conditioned over the course of our lives to become aware of what doesn’t work and avoid the pain of having to deal with the disappointment of failure. We tend to give up after a couple of attempts. Once you have a clear vision or purpose in mind, your brain goes to work to gather all the available information it requires to manifest that goal. Because there’s so much information being made available to you all at once, (the solution as well as the challenges), all you need to do is become aware of the information presented to you. Most people focus upon the challenges in their lives, so guess what… what you focus upon becomes your reality. When you focus upon what’s not working for you, you produce more of what’s not working. Very few people view failure as feedback to their goal or purpose. After all, it’s just information. It’s just one result. Once you turn your focus upon what IS working, you’ll become aware of all the information you need to fulfill your goal. Awareness is a choice. Even the finest information is useless without a purpose. Know your outcome, take massive action, and notice what is working. Your greatest intuitive asset will be to “Know thy self” your inside and outside world.

Awareness

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“Insanity; Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.” Einstein Once you know your outcome, have taken action, and become aware of your results, did you produce the results you intended? If so, congratulations! If not, now what? Many people get stuck at this point, usually trying a couple times at most and then giving up. (Do you know what the definition of trying is? - Excusing failure in advance.) This is where your flexibility comes into play. In order to achieve your desired outcome you must be flexible in your approach. Most likely your desired results will take a couple of attempts. Statistically, you probably won’t succeed the first time, harsh but real. Given this, how many times will you continue in the face of adversity until you succeed? This is determination! But if you continue producing the same undesired results, along with the same approach, it won’t matter how many times you try, you won’t achieve your intended results, because nothing has changed. As I said in the last chapter on awareness, you’re going to produce a result. In order for you to produce your intended result, you must change your approach and do something different. This one concept will lead you towards success. Undoubtedly you’ve experienced this a number of times, maybe within a relationship? You keep running into the same conflict over and over again, only to make the assumption that this must be the way the relationship is. No, it’s not! You just haven’t found a way it will workout yet. Begin to open up and develop your awareness of the results you produce and become flexible, change your approach. Become aware of your old limiting beliefs and boundaries. Know they are just old programs which were formed at a very young age. 85% of your beliefs and programs have been formed at the age of eight years old. The other 15% are learned by the time we’re 21. Some are structured to keep you safe while others keep you from living your dreams. Beliefs you picked up from your parents, friends, and teachers, beliefs which weren’t yours. They no longer hold any validity in your life unless you hold on to and support them. Buying into these old beliefs holds them in place, and you’ll usually find evidence to support these limiting beliefs. Recognizing these patterns can be a challenge in of itself, because 90% of what you do is unconscious. As you begin to become aware of them, you’ll be able to distinguish between the ones that are working for you and the ones that aren’t. And when you can make the distinction between the two, you’ll gain power over those patterns and notice more often what IS working. To become aware is the start of your flexibility. Being flexible is simply being aware of what’s not working, and then doing something different, anything. Achieving great success comes to those who can be continually flexible in their approach. Believe you can achieve success, abundance, and prosperity. Know it’s all possible and keep on doing what does work until you find the way, the path to your success. The vehicle will present itself when you’re clear about your intention. Take massive action, be open to all possibilities, and change your approach and you’ll soon find yourself relishing in that sweet feeling of success. Blessings, John

Flexibility

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#1 - Getting clear about where you want to be and what you’ll achieve. Every New Year many people attempt to set some kind of resolutions only to see themselves giving up after their passion wanes. My hope is that you take on this challenge set before you and actually do this process I’ve been refining over the past two decades and use it to produce extraordinary results! WHY do you think most people never achieve what they truly want in their life? Three reasons. 1; they don’t know clearly WHAT they want. 2; they don’t ever develop the necessary skills to achieve them. And 3; they never learn to get out of their OWN way! The ONLY way to achieve anything is to HAVE A PLAN, FOLLOW THOUGH on it, and BELIEVE in yourself! That’s the exact process we’ll be going through on these 3 pages. If you truly want to make a difference in your life, you’re going to have to learn the most important lesson of all; in order to achieve your dreams you’re going to have to do something different than you’ve done in the past! (So take a moment, really. Finish reading this sentence then STOP what you’re doing, take a breath, sit back and just make a commitment to yourself right now to decide to do whatever it takes to follow through with this.)

“Ask and thou shall receive, seek and you will find, knock and the door shall be opened to you.” Matt 7:7

Ready? Let’s get started. First thing, let’s figure out WHAT you really want. We’ll start out small and build one success upon another. This builds CONFIDENCE! Confidence and faith is what consistently drives us forward. 1 - What 10 things do you really want to achieve this year? One short, clear sentence for each one. 1. _________________________________________________________________________________ 2. _________________________________________________________________________________

3. _________________________________________________________________________________

4. _________________________________________________________________________________

5. _________________________________________________________________________________

6. _________________________________________________________________________________

7. _________________________________________________________________________________

8. _________________________________________________________________________________

9. _________________________________________________________________________________

10. _________________________________________________________________________________ Once you finish writing out the ten things you want, prioritize each one from one to ten, one being the most important on your list. Then re-write them again more clearly & concisely in the following manner... in the 3 P’s; Personal - “I am, I have, I’m doing,” Present tense - “now, as if you already have it, own it, I became it,” and Positive - “No negatives, IE: don’t, can’t, shouldn’t.” So your sentence should look something like this: “I’m now a lean, fit 190lbs, exercise 4 days a week, and only eat healthy foods to nourish my body every day.” “I do something DAILY to effectively market/promote my business and have tripled my income this year!’ “My relationship gets better each day because we both nurture and support each other every chance we get.”

Incidentally, these are MY top three goals I’ll be obtaining this year! ;-) Remember... NEVER SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN WHAT YOU’RE CAPABLE OF!

Goal-Setting Worksheet

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#2 - Create an effective action plan in making your goals a reality.

“It is in the moments of choice that continually shape our lives, learn to choose wisely!” John Santangelo You are solely responsible for everything that shows up in your life. You’ve created it all. When working with individuals and some companies, my challenge is to have them see they are manifesting all of it, the bad as well as the good. No-one actually wants to take responsibility for the bad that happens in life, but unless you do, you’ll never (at some unconscious level) have an understanding of taking responsibility for all your good. If you knew how powerful your thoughts are, you would choose them more wisely. All things, including the universe itself were created from the ultimate power of thought. Because we are empowered with this same ability, we all have the power to create and manifest abundance and prosperity into our lives at any moment. Manifesting is simply your ability to clearly define your intentions and focus your attention continually . The clearer your intentions are, the more likely opportunities will come into your awareness. Your ability to “clearly” focus upon your outcome will be the determining factor in creating abundance in your life. The next step is to develop the proper skill set to follow through on your goals; chunking and time management. Once you’ve clearly defined them, it’s time to create the action steps to make them happen. I’ve found the easiest way to accomplish any goal(s) is to break them down into manageable chucks. Let’s work with your top three goals from the above section. Write each one of the three goals like this example: “I do something DAILY to effectively market/promote my business and have tripled my income this year!’

1. _________________________________________________________________________ 2. _________________________________________________________________________ 3. _________________________________________________________________________ 4. _________________________________________________________________________ 5. _________________________________________________________________________ 6. _________________________________________________________________________ 7. _________________________________________________________________________ 8. _________________________________________________________________________ 9. _________________________________________________________________________ 10. _________________________________________________________________________

So what we have here is my first goal written exactly as I re-wrote it in section number one. Then on the following ten lines I would write down ten tasks I would need to do to accomplish it. Then re-write these ten tasks in a priority fashion so you’ll begin to check off one item at a time according to what’s most important. When you do this you will find yourself blazing through your goals quicker than you ever have in the past. The key to this section is to immediately focus on your most important task then disciple yourself to concentrate single-mindedly until it is 100% complete! This is the easiest way to move through your list. Then if you’re really committed to finally Get Your goals... do this for all ten goals on your list. Most people find that once they break their goals down into manageable bite-sized chucks, they happen much more quickly. The majority of this can be attributed to the fact that you FEEL it is much easier to work on them one piece at a time. If you want to make things happen even faster, break down each one of these small tasks into even three smaller chucks/tasks. Remember, the smaller the task is the easier it will be to achieve. The next hurdle we’ll leap over will be of “time-management.” All successful individuals learn to manage their time most effectively through-out their day. The easiest way to accomplish this is to block out a specific time of your day to PLAY on your goals. Even if it’s a 15 minute block of time at the beginning of every day, 30 minutes during your lunch break, or even two hours at the end of the day. This is completely up to you, but WHEN is most effective for you will be of utmost importance. Choose a time you know will work for you in which you will stick to it consistently. Understand this: CONSISTENCY is the key to all success! Exercise - “I will block out ____ minutes a day / week to work diligently on my goals and tasks!”

Goal-Setting Worksheet cont.

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#3 - Getting out of your own way! Generating motivation & persistence!

“Change your mental attitude, and the world around you will change accordingly.” Napoleon Hill In all the years I’ve been working with individuals, groups and businesses, motivation and persistence is the most challenging part of getting your goals. It is what gets people stuck the most often; not being able to follow through on their own wants and desires. Think about it, if motivation was never an issue, you’d accomplish EVERYTHING you ever set your mind to. What consistently generates motivation is DESIRE! But how do you create desire when you don’t have it when you need it most? Two ways – one is remembering/going back to a time WHEN you had it in your past and two - focus clearly on the WHY you desire this in the first place. It may sound simple but that’s how YOU do it every time you’ve done it in your past. Revivification it’s called, re-living the moment. Stepping into the passion of WHY you first wanted it. The more reasons/whys you have for wanting your goals the more drive you’ll have moving towards it. First comes desire/passion, and then comes action! Knowing this, let’s take one goal you’re most passionate about. Write down 25 different reasons why you’re so committed to having this goal. Do this for each one on your list from section #1. WHY are they ‘musts’ for you to achieve them? What are the reasons you absolutely have to have them, no matter what? Remember, reasons/why’s come first, that’s your motivation; the answers/how’s come second, persistence! Now, look at your list. Does it seem your reasons WHY play a very big part in over-coming the mental blocks? Learn from your past HOW you’ve moved beyond self-limiting road blocks when you’ve gotten stuck? Here’s 10 more sentences to answer to drive your motivation through the roof. Think about each one carefully. 1. Away From; “I do NOT want... ______________________” 2. Toward; “What I want instead is... ______________________” 3. Negative Consequences; “If I don’t succeed, what will happen that I don’t want?” _____________________ 4. Positive Consequences; “When I do succeed what will happen that I want?”_________________________ 5. I am regularly accountable to (whom) _____________ for completing my goal! 6. I believe it is possible to be, do and have all I want because; ______________________ 7. I have already succeeded at something like this in my life when I’ve; ______________________ 8. This is VERY important to me because; ______________________ 9. The kind of person who does this and acts this way is; ______________________ 10. I AM this kind of person because; ______________________ Describe (to yourself) the picture of the ideal YOU you’ll become if you had no limitations! Visualization process: Close your eyes and now visualize how this new you would look/behave during the day. Imagine what your life would be like if it were perfect in every way. What activities would you partake in, whom would you talk to, what things would you say to yourself and how would you negotiate terms for your success, most importantly, how would you FEEL about this new YOU? Now write down what this new YOU looks and acts like and hang it up where you will see it every single day. Post it on your fridge, bathroom mirror, in your car and even read it while you’re sitting on the.... couch! ;-) “Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved box, but rather skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming... WOW what a ride!”

Goal-Setting Worksheet cont.

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The new behavior generator process is used to move from a dream/goal to action. It was created by John Grinder in the late 1970’s. This is an elegant strategy which can be applied to almost any new desired behavior. The basic steps involve forming a visual image of a desired behavior, kinesthetically associating into the image on an emotional feeling level, and verbalizing any missing or needed ingredients. The goal of this process is to do a mental dress rehearsal by generating imaginary scenarios coupled with kinesthetic representations so the conscious and unconscious minds have neuro-pathways already in-place. 1. Select a new behavior you would like to have, or one you’d like to become more competent

in. “If I could already achieve my new goal, what would I look like?”

2. Take the directors chair of your mind. Picture yourself achieving the goal 3. From a dissociated perceptual position, watch the scene unfold. Then direct the actors

until the scene looks like the actors playing you has complete competence in this new behavior. Also take notice of the responses of the other actors in the scene.

4. Listen to the sound track and edit it until it sounds as if the actor playing you has

competence in the new behavior. Create as much detail in all 3 representational systems (V,A,K) as possible.

5. Mix the film and sound track and edit the scene till you feel completely satisfied with the

actor playing you in this new behavior. (remember, details are most important) 6. Finalized the new behavior completely, step into the picture, fully associate (replace the

actor playing you) into it and run through it as if you are performing the behavior. Notice an internal or external signal you can use to trigger (anchor) this behavior later.

7. Rehears the scene until it’s exactly as you would like to be performing it. Make sure: (V) It looks like you are performing the behavior naturally (A) Something tells you that you are performing the behavior naturally. (K) You feel like you are performing the behavior naturally. 8. Test the new behavior. At a later time in the outside environment, when the opportunity

presents itself, try this new behavior, recreate the internal/external signal (fire anchor) to trigger new skill.

New Behavior Generator

25


eBook 2

Instant Rapport With Anyone!

“People like each other when they tend to be like each other!” ~ Anthony Robbins ~

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People won’t care about you unless they know how much you care. This is the difference between a ordinary individual one who knows what they want and are willing to do whatever it takes to get. They are the select few who stand out from the crowd! Trust me on this one, WE ARE ALL SALESPEOPLE! Our chapter title is the philosophy by which NLP was modeled after. “Respect the others person model of their world.” When you first respect THEIR world, they’ll buy into yours. As a master of influence and behavior you must understand this concept from the core of influencing others. People who like and trust the other person will almost inevitably buy from them. There are exceptions, but for the most part, people feel comfortable with others they resonate with and trust their judgment when helping them decide. One of the greatest gift you can give another human being is to ‘respect their world.’ It tells them you respect their opinion, judgment, and values. That you honor their identity. When someone feels you respect them at a core level you can surely bet they’ll reciprocate the intent. Respect their map does not mean you have to “ like” the person, it just means respect THEIR world, their beliefs, values, attitudes and lifestyle. Many people have many different beliefs and values about the world they live in. They are not yours. You don’t have to like nor agree with them, just honor and respect them, because they are theirs! And besides, if you did not know this before, they will defend those beliefs till the death. So pushing up against those beliefs are futile anyway. People don’t want to be wrong, regardless of how ridiculous their point of view seems. If you’ve ever been in a relationship you understand this concept fully. ;-) The key is to match and honor who they are, to create a congruent internal feeling with them. Remember, people buy because it “feels good!” People make decisions based upon how they feel at the moment of choice, not based upon a logical choice. In fact, I’ve stated at all my workshops, people cannot make a logical decision EVER! They can only decide because they’re looking to match an internal feeling they have about how they buy. Make them feel good and they will agree with you. This may not seem like such a complex idea but it’s one very few utilize. Most people are stuck in their own head, their own map, their own world. Thus, you cannot possibly understand and know how to influence what someone else needs and values are. Your entire approach should be to honor and match your their internal world. Respect their world; It tells them you respect their opinion, judgment, and values.

Respect Their Map

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What is Rapport? - Can you remember a time when you met someone for the first time and it just seems to click? An instant bond between the two of you, an instant ‘like-ability’ or trust. You can literally FEEL, that connection! That connection is called Rapport! It is the basis and foundation for every meaningful interaction between two or more people. Rapport is about establishing an environment of trust and understanding, to respect and honor the other person’s world. This allows the person the freedom to fully express their ideas and feelings and know they’ll be respected and appreciated by you. Rapport creates the space for the person to feel listened and responded to, even when you disagree with what the other person says or does. Each person appreciates the other’s viewpoint and respects their model of the world. When you are in rapport with another person, you have the opportunity to enter their world and see things from their perspective, feel the way they do, get a better understanding of where they are coming from; and as a result, enhance the whole relationship. The key to establishing rapport is an ability to enter another person’s world by assuming a similar state of mind. The first thing to do is to become more like the other person by matching and mirroring the person’s behaviors -- body language, voice, words etc. Matching and mirroring is a powerful way of getting an appreciation of how the other person is seeing/experiencing the world. Mirror and matching - NLP rapport skills teach us how to communicate at that unconscious level. Mirroring, matching, pacing and leading skills will enable you to become "like" the other person. Anthony Robbins stated: “People like each other when they tend to be like each other.” NLP teaches how to mirror and match that 55% physiology, 38% tonality and 7% predicates or process words. Process: Rapport is established by mirroring and matching and is one of the most important features or characteristics of unconscious human interaction. It is this commonality of perspective, being in "sync", being on the same wavelength as the person you are talking to which creates this ‘feeling’ of liking. Your task EVERYDAY from this day on is to begin to practice! Start with the simplest traits first, match Head Tilt/Posture, Voice Volume, and Gestures. After you’ve mastered these, add in another three and challenge your unconscious to gain mastery over your rapport skills and watch how people respond positively to you from now on!

Building Trust & Rapport

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The Nervous System We experience our world only through the three primary functions of our nervous system. 1. the Central Nervous System 2. the Peripheral Nervous System 3. the Autonomic Nervous System. The Central Nervous System is made up of the brain and spinal cord. It controls our muscles and movement and is associated with conscious thought and action. The Peripheral Nervous System is made up of the branches of the spinal cord and the sense organs. It relays information about the environment from the organs, muscles and glands to the central nervous system and back again. The Autonomic Nervous System deals with a network of nerves outside the spinal cord that deals with many unconscious activities such as temperature regulation, circulation, salivation, the initiation of the “fight or flight” reaction and other emotional and attentional states. The Central Nervous System executes mental programs, plans and strategies via the Peripheral Nervous System. The Autonomic Nervous System determines the state of the biological “hardware” within which those programs are carried out. While most people are consciously aware of their sensations, thoughts and actions, the functions of the Autonomic Nervous System generally take place outside of conscious awareness, or below; or at a sub/unconscious awareness.

Peripheral Nervous System

Central Nervous System

Autonomic Nervous System

Conscious

Unconscious

Sensation Input-Output

Cognition Thought-Programming

Regulation Internal State

Permission Robert [email protected]

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Communication Model

State

Internal Representations

Physiology

FILTERS

2,000,000 bits of information per second

Behavior

External Event Delete

Distort Generalize

Time/Space Matter/Energy Language MEMORIES Decisions Meta-Programs Values/Beliefs Attitudes

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“People like each other, when they tend to be like each other!”

Rapport is the foundation for any meaningful interaction between two or more people - rapport is about establishing an environment of trust and understanding, to respect and honor the other person’s world. Rapport creates the space for the person to feel listened to, and heard and it doesn’t mean that they have to agree with what the other person says or does. Each person appreciates the other’s viewpoint and respects their model of the world. When you are in rapport with another person, you have the opportunity to enter their world and see things from their perspective, feel the way they do, get a better understanding of where they are coming from; and as a result, enhance the whole relationship. This model of communication originated from Dr. Ray L.Birdwhistle, an anthropologist, from his book "Kinesics in Context" published from the University of Pennsylvania press in 1970. Rapport then can be modeled and duplicated. It is a process of responsiveness, not necessarily a ‘liking’. Birdwhistle concluded that 93% of our communication transpires non-verbally and unconscious. NLP rapport skills techniques teaches us how to communicate at that unconscious level. Thus producing a ‘liking.’ Theory: Communication is - 55% Physiology

38% Tonality 7% Words

Process: Rapport is established by mirroring and matching and is one of the most important features or characteristics of unconscious human interaction. It is this commonality of perspective, being in "sync", being on the same wavelength as the person you are talking to which creates this ‘feeling’ of liking. Physiology - 55% * Posture * Breathing * Gestures * Facial expression & Blinking

Tonality - 38% * Volume = loudness * Tone = pitch * Tempo = speed * Timbre = quality Words - 7% * Predicates * Key words * Content chucks * Common experiences Indicators of Rapport: Look for these specific sensations.

1. Feeling 2. Color Change 3. Say Something 4. Leading

Rapport

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The following exercises are to provide some experience with the basic processes and procedures of modeling. They primarily focus on the information gathering phase of the modeling process, and cover a range of modeling skills, including "implicit" and "explicit" modeling formats, and the use of multiple perceptual positions to gather different types and levels of information about a particular performance. To mirror another person, merely select the behavior or quality you wish to mirror, and then do that behavior. If you choose to mirror head tilt, when the person moves their head, wait a moment, then move yours to the same angle. The effect should be as though the other person is looking in a mirror. Choose a partner, or person to converse with. Do not tell them initially you’ll be mirroring him or her during the conversation. Let them be themselves, and you just into their energy and become like them. Enter into a conversation with the person, asking for their opinions about various subjects. As you are conversing, begin to subtly mirror the other person's physiology, including voice tone and tempo. (Hint: This can be most easily done in the context of 'active listening'; that is, reflecting back statements the person has made, by commenting, "So what you are saying is....", and then re-stating your understanding of the person's opinion.) When you are fully mirroring, you will be sitting in the same posture, using the same types of gestures, speaking at a similar speed and volume, and in a similar voice tone range, as the other person. If you’re completely mirroring the other person, you may even be breathing at the same rhythm as they are. Notice how it FEELS when you reach this level of deep rapport. One way to test your degree of rapport is by "second guessing" the other person's opinion on a couple of subjects that you have not yet discussed. Often mirroring will give you access to information that is being unconsciously communicated and received, and you will "pick up" information about the other person without being consciously aware of how you got it. To get another sense of the influence mirroring and matching has on your interaction; try abruptly mismatching the other person, in posture, gestures, voice tone and breathing. Both you and your partner should experience quite a jolt if you do this, and feel as if your quality of rapport has changed dramatically. Before concluding your conversation and letting your partner in on what you were doing, make sure you have reestablished rapport by once again physically mirroring your partner. Practice with friends and family members to start and begin to match different aspects of their posture, gestures, voice and words. Have fun with it and notice if they begin to respond to your matching. At work or social events, start by matching one specific behavior, and once they and you feel comfortable, begin to add on another. With people whom you already have a sense of rapport, notice how often you naturally match their posture, gestures, tone of voice or words, This is because matching and mirroring comes naturally. Your outcome then should be to create rapport with anyone at any given moment, having it become automatic whenever you wish to deepen that sense of rapport. The key element in establishing, building, deepening and maintaining rapport is your ability to pay attention to the responses you receive. One presupposition of NLP, or assumed rules is;

“Communication is the response we receive back, NOT our intention given.”

Rapport cont.

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Representational Systems Seeing, hearing, feeling, smelling and tasting is how human beings experience the world around us. These five primary sensory modalities are by which we encode, organize, store and attach meaning to external input. These modalities are called “Representational Systems” or Rep Systems. Input from the five senses is processed in the brain, and then translated into corresponding internal representations, or maps, that constitute a likeness to the outside world. This means that on the inside we see pictures, hear sounds and have feelings. What is most important is that our perceptions and "reality" differ greatly because of our filters, deletion, distortion and generalization.

V = Visual People who are visual often stand or sit with their heads and/or bodies erect, with their eyes up. They tend to breathe from the top of their lungs. They often sit forward in their chair and tend to be organized, neat, well-groomed and orderly. They memorize by seeing pictures, and are less distracted by noise. They often are challenged to remember verbal instructions because their minds tend to wander. A visual person will be interested in how your program LOOKS. Appearances are important to them. They are often thin and wiry. Eyes move upward, laterally

A = Auditory People who are auditory will move their eyes sideways (remember Richard Nixon?). They breathe from the middle of their chest. They typically talk to themselves, and are easily distracted by noise (some even move their lips when they talk to themselves). They can repeat things back to you easily, they learn by listening, and usually like music and talking on the phone. They memorize by steps, procedures, and sequences (sequentially). The auditory person likes to be TOLD how they're doing, and responds to a certain tone of voice or set of words. They will be interested in what you have to say about your program. Eyes move side to side, laterally.

K = Kinesthetic People who are kinesthetic typically breathe from the bottom of their lungs, so you'11 see their stomach moving in and out. They often move and talk verrry slooowly. They respond to physical rewards and touching. They tend to stand closer to people than a visual person does. They memorize by doing or walking through something. They will be interested in your program if it "feels right." Eyes go lower left.

A/D = Auditory Digital This person will spend a fair amount of time talking to themselves. They will want to know if your program "makes sense." The auditory digital person can exhibit characteristics of the other major representational systems. They may be very analytical or detached form their emotions. Lives inside their own head, very internal. May see the world through an either-or perspective, things are either black or white. Interested if something makes sense. Eyes go lower right.

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Eye Patterns

Constructed Remembered

Vr

Ar

AD

Vc

Ac

K

(As you look at the other person) * Normally Organized Right-handed Person

Vc - Visual Constructed Vr - Visual Remembered Ac - Auditory Constructed Ar - Auditory Remembered K - Kinesthetic (feelings) Ad - Talk to self / feelings

The retina / optic nerve actually attaches directly to the dura mater of our brains. It has a direct cortical response when we are processing information; thought! As we think the brain runs a transderivational search of information and the eyes will track according to WHERE information is located in the memory areas of the brain. Visual is UP, Auditory is SIDE-TO-SIDE, Kinesthetic is DOWN

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Predicates

Visual See

Look View Appear Show Dawn Reveal Envision Illuminate Imagine Clear Foggy Focused Hazy Crystal Picture

Auditory Hear Listen Sound(s) Make music Harmonize Tune in/out Be all ears Rings a bell Silence Be heard Resonate Deaf Mellifluous Dissonance Question Unhearing

Kinesthetic Feel Touch Grasp Get a hold of Slip through Catch on Tap into Make contact Throw out Turn around Hard Unfeeling Concrete Scrape Get a handle Solid

A/D Sense Experience Understand Think Learn Process Decide Motivate Consider Change Perceive Insensitive Distinct Conceive Know

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Predicate Phrases Visual

That’s not clear to me. I’m drawing a blank. Lets get a bird’s eye view of it. You need another viewpoint. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I take a dim view of that. Do I need to paint a picture for you. There isn’t a shadow of a doubt. I’m foggy when it comes to his name. It looks like this to me. Don’t make a scene. Paint a picture for me.

Auditory

That doesn’t sound right to me. I just can’t hear it. You need to listen to another opinion. I’m tuning in to a solution. Listen to the sound of your own voice. I don’t like the sound of that. I can’t hear any other possibilities. I’m silent when it comes to that point. My future is a clear as a bell. I hear you loud and clear. In a manner of speaking.

Kinesthetic

I don’t feel complete about that. I can’t get a handle on that. You need to touch base with someone else about this. The solution is almost within reach. Get in touch with the feelings of your client. I just can’t grasp a hold of his name. I’m in the flow of life. Control yourself. Come to grips with. Heated argument. Hang in there. What this boils down to.

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Representation System Preference Test

For each of the following statements, place a number next to each phrase.

Make sure to use one number for each blank line to indicate your preference:

4 = Closest to describing you 3 = Next best description 2 = Next best 1 = Least descriptive of you 1. I make important decisions based on:

___gut level feelings. ___which way sounds the best. ___what looks best to me. ___precise review and study of the issues. 2. During an argument, I am most likely to be influenced by:

___the other person's tone of voice. ___whether or not I can see the other person's argument. ___the logic of the other person's argument. ___whether or not I feel I am in touch with the other person's true feelings. 3. I most easily communicate what is going on with me by:

___the way I dress and look. ___the feelings I share. ___the words I choose. ___the tone of my voice. 4. It is easiest for me to:

___find the ideal volume and tuning on a stereo system. . ___select the most intellectually relevant point about an interesting subject. ___select the most comfortable furniture. ___select rich, attractive color combinations. 5. ( just fill in the blanks ) ___I'm very attuned to sounds of my surroundings. ___I am adept at making sense of new facts and data. ___I am very sensitive to the wav articles of clothing feel on my body. ___I have a strong response to colors and to the way a room looks.

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STEP ONE: Copy your answers from the previous page to the lines below: STEP TWO: Transfer the numbers for each statement into the appropriate representational system column in the table below.

STEP THREE: Add the columns and write the totals in the space provided in the table above. The comparison of the totaled scores gives the relative preference for each of the four major representational systems. V = Visual K = Kinesthetic A = Auditory D = Auditory/Digital

Table V K A D 1. 2. 3.

4.

5.

Totals = V =K = A = D

1. ____ K 2. ____ A 3. ____ V 4. ____ A 5. ____ A

____ A ____ V ____ K ____ D ____ D

____ V ____ D ____ D ____ K ____ K

____ D ____ K ____ A ____ V ____ V

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For each of the following statements, place a number next to each phrase.

Make sure to use one number for each blank line to indicate your preference:

4 = Closest to describing you 3 = Next best description 2 = Next best 1 = Least descriptive of you 1. I make important decisions based on:

___gut level feelings. ___which way sounds the best. ___what looks best to me. ___precise review and study of the issues. 2. During an argument, I am most likely to be influenced by:

___the other person's tone of voice. ___whether or not I can see the other person's argument. ___the logic of the other person's argument. ___whether or not I feel I am in touch with the other person's true feelings. 3. I most easily communicate what is going on with me by:

___the way I dress and look. ___the feelings I share. ___the words I choose. ___the tone of my voice. 4. It is easiest for me to:

___find the ideal volume and tuning on a stereo system. . ___select the most intellectually relevant point about an interesting subject. ___select the most comfortable furniture. ___select rich, attractive color combinations. 5. ( just fill in the blanks ) ___I'm very attuned to sounds of my surroundings. ___I am adept at making sense of new facts and data. ___I am very sensitive to the wav articles of clothing feel on my body. ___I have a strong response to colors and to the way a room looks.

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eBook 3

Communication Mastery!

“The limits of my language means the limits of my world.” ~ Ludwig Wittgenstein ~

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Communication Model

State

Internal Representations

Physiology

FILTERS

2,000,000 bits of information per second

Behavior

External Event Delete

Distort Generalize

Time/Space Matter/Energy Language MEMORIES Decisions Meta-Programs Values/Beliefs Attitudes

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1. Respect the other person’s model of the world! 2. Communication is the response that we receive, not our intention given! 3. The map is not the territory! 4. There are no resistant clients, only inflexible communicators. resistance indicates a lack of Rapport! 5. There is no failure, only feedback! 6. People have all the resources they require to succeed; there are no unresourceful people only unresourceful states! 7. All behavior has a positive intention given the resources available. 8. System/person with the most flexibility of behavior will control the system, Law of Requisite Variety! 9. Behavior and change are to be evaluated in terms of context and ecology! 10. The mind and body are linked neurologically, therefore affect each other! 11. You are in charge of your mind therefore your results! 12. Whatever you think you are, you are that and more. Calibrate on behavior, you are not your behavior. Accept the person, change the behavior! 13. All procedures should be designed to increase choice! 14. All presuppositions are a choice in perception; including this one!

Presuppositions of NLP

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How people encode their most cherished values, beliefs and attitudes has a huge effect on their personality. Values are primarily responsible for our motivation, and will determine how we spend our time. Values create the primary feelings that determine our motivation and therefore our actions. Values are how we choose and evaluate those actions. Values are one the first levels of filters which are content driven and are essentially an evaluation filter. They are how we decide whether our actions are good or bad or right or wrong. Values are how we decide about how we feel about our actions, and they provide the primary motivating force behind our actions. Values are arranged in a hierarchy, with the most important one typically being at the top and the lesser ones below that. Each of us has varying models of the world (our internal representations of how the world is), and our values are interrelated with our models of the world. When we communicate with ourselves or someone else, if our model of the world conflicts with our values or their values, there is likely to be a conflict or in-congruency. Values are those ideas in which we are willing to invest our time, energy and resources to either achieve or avoid. Values are what people typically move toward or away from (in NLP we call Meta Programs). They either compel us or repel us in life. They are generalizations about deep belief systems, which can be either unconscious or conscious, about what is important and what we evaluate as good or bad. So HOW does this affect communicating and influencing yourself and other people then? Well, when you understand what drives someone, you can use it for the benefit of influencing them to help YOU get what YOU want. Let’s say you’re applying for a new job opportunity, asking the right question could determine whether or not you’ll get that particular position or yield to someone which may not be as qualified as you. If you learn to do your homework when creating rapport, you can gather the information you’ll need to influence them to your side. I’m always amazed that most individuals still believe that THEY have to be interviewed rather than interview for the specific career YOU truly want. Create rapport, ask the right questions, link YOUR qualifications to THEIR needs, and then ASK for the opportunity. Do you know that even the most qualified salespeople never ask for the order... they assume since THEY think they’ve done a good job you’re entitled to the prize. In a seminar I’ll ask the crowd HOW many of you are in Sales? And maybe 25% will raise they’re hands. I’ll then TELL them that they are ALL in sales. You’re selling yourself every day of your life. A great quote; “either they’re buying what you have OR you’re buying into their limitations.” Influencing is just the same. YOU are selling yourself and YOUR ideas to someone else. So how can you have them easily SEE your perspective? Well listen to this lesson over again to answer that. Honoring and respect someone else’s world, their map, and uncovering what they value most, is the beginning of your ability to influence yourself and other people.

Values

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by Robert Cialdini

Law of Reciprocity – When some one gives you something of perceived value, you immediately respond with the desire to give something back! (Free Give-Away) * What can you give away that is within context of your industry? Law of Contrast – When two things, people or places that are relatively different from each other, are placed near to each other in time, space, or in thought, we will see them as more different and easier to distinguish which one we want most. (Costly vs In-expensive) * What can you compare side by side to your client? Law of Expectancy – When someone you respect and/or believe in expects you to perform a task or produce a certain result, you will tend to fulfill his expectation whether positive or negative. (Placebo Effect) * How can you believe more in yourself and your clients to help them buy from you? Law of Association – We tend to like products, services or ideas that are endorsed by other people we like or respect. (Product endorsements) * What or who can you use to endorse your product or service? Law of Consistency – When an individual announces in writing (or verbally to a lesser degree) that he is taking a position on ANY issue or point of view, he will defend that belief regardless of it’s accuracy even in the face of over-whelming evidence to the contrary. * How/what can you get your client to write down his commitments? Law of Scarcity – When a person perceives that something he MIGHT want is limited in quantity, he believes the value of what he might want to be greater that if it were available in abundance. (Tickle Me Elmo strategy or Limited Supplies) * How can you PRECIEVE your product or service to be in scarcity? Law of Conformity – Most people tend to agree to proposals, products, or services that will be perceived as acceptable by the majority other people or a majority of the individuals peer group. (We all want to be accepted and Future Pace) * What can you build a future story about their purchase excepted by their peers/friends. Law of Power – People have the power over other people to the degree that they are perceived as having greater authority, strength, or expertise?

Laws Of Influence

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eBook 4

Hypnotic Language Patterns

“Your voice is a powerful melodic tool, open your mouth and seduce the world!”

~ John James Santangelo ~

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Language Mastery The Use Of Language in any culture is the link between thoughts, troubles and aspirations of an individual and to the survival of it’s people. Language is the bridge by which we “connect” two worlds together when we speak. It is one of the primary survival mechanisms we use to further our existence on this planet. We’ve also used our inherent ability of language as a tool to better communicate our ideas and thoughts, defining, shaping and creating a more concrete paradigm. The human being is so adept at communicating that by the age of four, most humans have the ability to communicate through oral language. By six or seven, most can comprehend, as well as express, written thought. These unique capabilities of language mastery is what sets us apart as human beings from all other animals. Language is the one essential component that is unique to our animal species. In his book, Eve Spoke, evolutionist Philip Lieberman admitted: “Speech is so essential to our concept of intelligence that its possession is virtually equated with being human. Animals who talk are human, because what sets us apart from other animals is the “gift” of speech.”

Speech is a peculiarly human trait. Steven Pinker, director of MIT’s Center of Cognitive Neuroscience, stated in The Language Instinct: The New Science of Language and Mind:

“As you are reading these words, you are taking part in one of the wonders of the natural world. For you and I belong to a species with a remarkable ability: we can shape events in each other’s brains with remarkable precision. I am not referring to telepathy or mind control or the other obsessions of fringe science; even in the depictions of believers, these are blunt instruments compared to an ability that is uncontroversially present in every one of us. That ability is language. Simply by making noises with our mouths, we can reliably cause precise new combinations of ideas to arise in each other’s minds. The ability comes so naturally that we are apt to forget what a miracle it truly is.”

The Basic Components of Human Language involves both receptive language use occurs during the comprehension or understanding of words and sentences and productive language use involves idea generation and the articulation of words in speech. Both utilize the 4 basic structural components.

1. Phonology: The system of the sound segments that humans use to build up words.

2. Semantics: The system of meanings that are expressed by words and phrases.

3. Grammar: Rules by which words and phrases are arranged to make meaningful statements.

4. Pragmatics: Patterns that determine how humans can use language in particular social settings for particular conversational purposes.

We have all heard the cliché - “words hold power.” With each word we choose to represent our map of our world, it literally shapes, defines, expresses, and indicates our beliefs, motives, attitudes and our behaviors. We can tell more about someone from their language and the use of their vocabulary. We give more away in our words than our fashionable wardrobe displays. Words hold the power to kill, to laugh, to love, to heal. One can also use language to influence another’s behavior by guiding their internal representations, thus affecting change at the conscious and unconscious level. Begin now to become more aware of the power of your language of how, when and where you use it. Always

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Language Mastery cont. Presuppositions of Language: * Language shapes our reality, because it’s literally accepted by our subconscious mind. * Language represents thought. So it represents how we filter and perceive reality. * Changing our language changes our thinking, which changes our reality. * “You become what you think about, all day long.” Emerson As English speaking people, we are deeply affected by our verb-oriented language. We have historically been an action-oriented culture, producing great influence wherever our participation in the world has been expressed. By contrast, the Chinese language is very noun-oriented and the culture traditionally places value on things that stay the same. Language shapes the way cultures perceive and interpret the world around them. For example, in the Hopi language, there is no word for now. In order for the Hopi to have a word for now, they would be required to be outside of the now to describe it. The Hopi have a very different perception of time than most cultures and live in the moment rather than the past or future. The Tasaday tribes in the Philippines have no word for war. As a consequence, they have never been at war. There is no word for lie in certain Native American tribes therefore not telling the truth is a foreign concept. In the realm of health, Norman Cousins studied over two thousand patients researching the consequences of language on health. The moment a patient received a label such as cancer, AIDS, MS, heart disease, etc., that patients immune system weakened dangerously. When a patient was given a very vague label of their health, that patient's immune system strengthened dramatically. During the Great Depression, in the headlines and throughout the press, the favored statement to describe the country's condition was crippled. Is it just a coincidence that within a few years, the country experienced an epidemic of polio? The English language (750,000 words to choose from) is a cornucopia of word choices. There are more words in the English language than in any other language, Germany comes close is with approximately 350,000. And yet the average English-speaking person uses approximately 2,000 words in their everyday vocabulary, one-half (1/2) % of what our language offers. The choice to change your language will have the largest, generative effect on our thinking and behavior than any other system of personal improvement. This dares to be repeated -The choice to change your language will have the largest, generative effect on our thinking and behavior than any other system of personal improvement. When we change our language, we change our thinking. When we change our thinking, we change our reality. When we become awake to our language, we utilize a key tool (UCM) in programming, the other 90% of our brain. You become fully potentialized out of your limitations and into the world possibilities. We create our world of experience through our thinking. Our thinking is symbolized by words used in our internal self-talk and in our conversational language. The words we choose provide a window into our beliefs, values and perspectives on the strategies that influence our lives. As we speak words, millions of neuro-synaptic responses are being fired off in our nervous systems, creating emotions. Both our internal self-talk and our conversational speaking help create our emotional states. When we learn to control our language, we control our emotions. Thus we’re required to have control over the language, which produces those emotions. Begin now, make it your task in life to become fully aware of the language you choose to create and shape your world!

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Linguistic Presuppositions

Ten Types of Linguistic Presuppositions: 1. Existence - ANY noun in the sentence. “ Johnny realized that there was a mountain behind the house” 2. Possibility/Necessity - Modal operators of... “Johnny realized how easy it would be to climb the mountain behind the house” Should, Have to, Must, Could, Would, Can 3. Cause & Effect - One thing that causes another thing. “It was the flash of lightning that caused Johnny to realized there was a mountain behind the house” 4. Complex Equivalent - Implied meanings associated to people, place or things. “Johnny was curious about it all the time, that means he would learn how to climb the mountain behind the house” 5. Awareness - Anything indicates awareness, such as; see, heard, told, feel, know... “Johnny realized that there was a mountain behind the house” 6. Time - Reference to specific times or temporal language. Any word with ING means happening now. Any word with ED means past. / Will, Can, Means, Future, 7. Adverb / Adjective - Within the sentence. “Johnny didn’t realize how easy the climb was. / ...how small the mountain was.” 8. Exclusive OR - One possibility or the other “Johnny was told to go to bed at either 830 OR quarter to nine.” “Either you go to the store OR stay right here at home.” 9. Inclusive OR - means one possibility and other possibilities “Johnny had yet made s decision whether it was a big OR small mountain.” “Either you go to the store OR lets go shopping.” 10. Ordinal - List of temporal or sequence of events / 1st, 2nd, 3rd... “The second thing that happened was Johnny realized there was a mountain behind the house.”

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Types of Non-Conscious Language

Deletion Change my relationship From what into what? Make more money. How much? Manifest my outcomes. Define outcomes. Have the body I dream of. What weight, size, when, how. Heal my past. Into what, state outcome. Distortion Everyone really loves me. Debra, James, and Doris love me. I always feel this way in a relationship. When I become intimate, I feel vulnerable. Everything is a mess. My desk requires organization. I can’t find a job anywhere. I’ll continue to interview for my ideal career. I swam perfectly. I continue to improve my stroke.

Generalization They have always been like that. In the past, my parents have been abusive. I have respect for them. I have respect for my parents. Someday I’ll forgive him. I forgive Debra. I absolutely believe in you. I continue to believe in you. It’ll get the results I need. My exercising will give me the results I desire. Negation Isn’t it a nice day? It is a nice day. Won’t you do it for me? Would you go shopping for me? Why don’t we ever talk? Can we make time to talk? I love you, but… I love you, and… Don’t you like liver? Do you like liver?

Transformational Grammer I want, I wish My choice is, I require I need I desire I can’t I will You make me I created for myself It’s a problem It’s a challenge, or opportunity Almost, kind of It is, or it isn’t I’ll try I will, or I won’t, Do, or don’t I’m not I am

Language Presuppositions cont.

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Non-Conscious Language When we communicate with attention toward intention, and align our emotions with how we speak, our subconscious becomes fully engaged to manifest our spoken word! Specificity produces emotional states. When we choose to speak in generalities and vagueness, we’re avoiding our feelings around the subject matter. We avoid being specific because we are fearful of expressing our feelings. The way we’ve learned as children, to communicate through our language, leads us to the continued success or failure of reaching our outcomes, and sustaining resourceful emotional states, therefore producing un-resourceful behavior. Unless we become aware to choose and provide the conscious choice to our words, feelings, and direction to our unconscious mind, our past programming and our language will influence and direct our subconscious mind producing the same past limitations. How do I respect my outcome when engaged within the emotional states of my story? * Shift your focus to outcome specifics language from your story. 1. Be honest with your feelings and YOURSELF. 2. Repeat “cancel/clear, delete, or in the past.” 3. State your highest intent as the last thing worded. Transformation Language 1. “My highest choice is…” Leaves our highest intention as last thing on our minds eye. 2. “I give meaning to…” Accountability for IR’s and filters, through which we view our world. 3. “I choose…” Expresses our will towards our outcomes. 4. “I can…” Expresses our identity towards our outcomes. 5. “I have…” Brings outcomes into NOW, collapses time into present moment. 6. “I am…” Expresses identity, claiming emotional state for our outcomes. 7. “I create…” Expresses identity, claiming divine right as co-creators.

“When our language is congruent with our outcomes and emotions, we create extraordinary results!”


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Words are symbols. Each word carries with it images, sounds and feelings. Because of this, our subconscious takes our language literally. As we speak, we are programming our subconscious. We are usually unaware of how the words we choose penetrate our health, outcomes and behaviors. The words that empower us most are those that propel us towards our outcomes, where we are held responsible for our choices, in the direction of those things we desire. Words of disempowerment will keep us stagnant and stuck in a non-productive frame of mind. The use of empowering words and language will upgrade your mental outlook. DISEMPOWERMENT EMPOWERMENT UPGRADE Decide My choice is I would I will I could I can I wish My highest choice At least At most Doesn’t it? Does it Cant you? My choice is If / then When / my choice is Almost It is, or isn’t Probably I will Try I will It’s hard It’s a challenge I don’t know I choose to know / I’ll find out I’ve got to I choose to I must I will, I choose I hope My choice is NEGATIONS The unconscious mind does not process negations. All negations hold within them embedded commands or statements. If someone says to you, “Don’t think about a blue tree”, what is the first thing that you have to think about, a blue tree! Using negations can be a benefit or hindrance to your practice. NEGATIVE APPLICATIONS POSITIVE APPLICATIONS Don’t think about smoking cigarettes Imagine filling your lungs with fresh air… Don’t think about your problem…… What solutions can you imagine that….. Can’t you see this doesn’t help… You can see there are helpful ways to…. I wouldn’t trust your conscious mind… Your unconscious mind is seeking a new.


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Linguistic Presuppositions

Please identify which linguistic presuppositions are being used in the following statements. 1. “If the cat meows, I’ll have to put him outside.” _________________________________________________________________________ 2. “I can’t afford to invest in any advertising, because I don’t have enough clients coming in.” _________________________________________________________________________ 3. “It was her friendly smile that made me walk up and say Hello!” _________________________________________________________________________ 4. “If only he had come home on time, the party wouldn’t gotten out of hand.” _________________________________________________________________________ 5. “People have always given me more to do than I can handle.” _________________________________________________________________________ 6. “You should start your new project as soon as possible.” _________________________________________________________________________ 7. “First you build rapport, then the clients will trust you.” _________________________________________________________________________ 8. “Stop watching others succeed, and start doing something about it.” _________________________________________________________________________ 9. “His easy going personality is good for P.R.” _________________________________________________________________________ 10. “Only you can learn this.” _________________________________________________________________________ 11. “Either she goes to the store or I do.” _________________________________________________________________________ 12. “First the winds came, then the rains.” _________________________________________________________________________

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Presuppositions or Mind Reads

In the following sentences, distinguish between the presuppositions and the mind reads in each. Put a ‘P’ or an ‘M’ next to each blank a, b, c, and d, to the one you believe to be correct. It is vitally important to be able to distinguish between the two concepts. Mind reads are inferred meanings we placate upon another’s perspective. Thus being able to understand how we the true meanings behind someone’s intent can make the difference in our communication becoming more effective. 1. “I’m not sure whether or not I should stop beating my wife?”

_____ He has a wife _____ He loves his wife _____ He currently beats his wife _____ He’s a low life slob who should be shot

2. “I don’t see why I can’t, All my friends are doing it!”

_____ He feels that he is treated unfairly _____ He wants to be liked by his friends _____ This person’s friends do something he doesn’t do _____ All his friends are bums who should be shot

3. “If I don’t learn how to communicate with my boss, I won’t get a raise.”

_____ He feels he’s treated unfairly _____ He doesn’t know how to communicate with his boss _____ He wants to learn new behaviors _____ His salary is connected to how communication skills

4. “I have to set up unrealistic expectations.”

_____ He can’t stop making unrealistic expectations _____ He feels trapped _____ He has expectations _____ He knows when he’s being unrealistic

“I want to be better at managing my money.”

_____ She has money _____ She’s never managed her money _____ She’s just taken an accounting class _____ She believes it better to manage her money

6. . “I’m feeling much better now! I can see how some of the things I was doing just made me unhappy.”

_____ Some behavior he’s engaged in was related to some internal state _____ He has feelings _____ He has much more control of his life now _____ He fixed himself, so he shouldn’t be shot

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The 108 Most Persuasive Words In The English Language According to legendary advertising man, Leo Burnet, “Dull and exaggerated ad copy is due to the excess use of adjectives.” To prove it, he asked his staff to compare the number of adjectives in 62 ads that failed to the number of adjectives in Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address, and other age-old classics. Here’s what he discovered: of the 12,758 words in the 62 failed ads, 24.1% were adjectives. By direct comparison, Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address contains only 35 adjectives out of 268 immortal words – only 13.1% adjective-to-total-word ratio. Winston Churchill’s famous “Blood, Seat and Tears” speech rates even lower and has a 12.1% adjective ratio (81 adjectives from 667 words). Mr. Burnett found that similar ratios applied to great works such as The Lord’s Prayer, the Ten Commandments and the Preamble to the U.S. Constitution. Conclusion: Use more verbs, not adjectives. Verbs increase the pulling-power and believability of ad copy, email and/or influencing! That’s why it makes sense to keep this 108-VERB “CHEAT-SHEET close-by whenever you begin to draft your next space ad, sales letter, Website, or email campaign.

Word Power

Abolish Accelerate Achieve Act Adopt Align Anticipate Apply Assess Avoid Boost Break Bridge Build Burn Capture Change Choose Clarify Comprehend Confront Connect Conquer Convert Create Cross Decide

Define Defuse Deliver Deploy Design Develop Diagnose Discover Drive Eliminate Ensure Establish Evaluate Exploit Explore Filter Finalize Find Focus Foresee Gain Gather Generate Grasp Identify Ignite Illuminate

Implement Improve Increase Innovate Inspire Intensify Lead Learn Leverage Manage Master Maximize Measure Mobilize Motivate Overcome Penetrate Persuade Plan Position Prepare Prevent Profit Raise Realize Reconsider Reduce

Refresh Replace Resist Respond Retain Save Scan Segment Shatter Shave-off Sidestep Simplify Solve Stimulate Stop Stretch Succeed Supplement Take Train Transfer Transform Understand Unleash Use Whittle-down Win

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Researchers at Yale University tested a huge number of words to find which ones were more likely to influence prospects to buy. What they identified was 12 Power Words that ‘cause’ people to buy more than any others. these are the 12 Most Powerful Words You Can Use in an Advertisement • Discovery • Easy • Guarantee • Health • Love • Money • New • Proven • Results • Safety • Save • You Note: the following headline contains the use of all 12 words: “New Discovery Provides You Not Only With a Proven Way to Make Money, but a Safe and Easy Way to “Save Money” Results Guaranteed! You’ll Love it!" The word FREE, which is a VERY powerful word, was not included. This is because FREE is designed to attract people who want something for nothing. Advertisers (and anyone wanting to influence others) are more concerned in people who are already interested and specifically looking to buy the things that will satisfy their immediate needs. Experiment that demonstrates the POWER of BECAUSE: (one of my FAVORITE experiments!) Dr. Ellen Langer is a professor in the Psychology Department at Harvard University conducted the following brilliant, fascinating study. She conspired with her university librarian to shut down all but one of the photocopy machines in a busy wing of the library. This quickly resulted in a long line behind the single operating photocopy machine. Over the course of several days, Langer had confederates approach a person at the front of the line with a request to "cut" in line. The confederate's request was carefully worded in three different ways. In the first condition, the confederate said, "Excuse me, may I use the Xerox machine, because I'm late to class?" The form of this question, request + reason, resulted in a 94% compliance rate. In the second condition, a confederate asked, "Excuse me, may I use the Xerox machine?" The structure of this question, a request followed by no supporting reason, resulted in a much lower compliance rate of only 60%. No surprises so far, right? You'd expect a person who gave a reason would get more help. Consider the various styles of panhandlers you've encountered. Were you more likely to help the fellow who said, "Hey buddy, gimme a dollar so I can buy a burger" or the one who said, simply, "Hey buddy, gimme a dollar?" But this obvious conclusion wasn't what Langer was after. In order to demonstrate the truly mindless manner in which people operate, she added a third form of the request to the confederate's repertoire: "Excuse me, may I use the Xerox machine, because I have to make some copies?" What? "...because I have to make some copies?!" What kind of dumb reason is that? Why else would a person be at the copy machine if it weren't to make copies? But this bogus request matches the pattern of a legitimate request. And the response from the target is automatic. In this condition, the confederate gained compliance 93% of the time, just 1% less than with the legitimate request. The words; because, as, since, for, inasmuch, as agree, all imply a reason for an occurrence or action. The word ‘because’ introduces a direct reason to comply and the UN-conscious mind, if in rapport, will !

Word Power

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An Influence Summary by Robert B. Cialdini, Ph. D. Reciprocation - People tend to return a favor. Thus, the pervasiveness of “free samples” in marketing. In his conferences, he often uses the example of Ethiopia providing thousands of dollars in humanitarian aid to Mexico just after the 1985 earthquake, despite Ethiopia suffering from a crippling famine and civil war at the time. Ethiopia had been reciprocating for the diplomatic support Mexico provided when Italy invaded Ethiopia in 1937. Commitment and Consistency - If people commit, orally or in writing, to an idea or goal, they are more likely to honor that commitment. Even if the original incentive or motivation is removed after they have already agreed, they will continue to honor the agreement. For example, in car sales, suddenly raising the price at the last moment works because the buyer has already decided to buy. Social Proof - People will do things that they see other people are doing. For example, in one experiment, one or more confederates would look up into the sky; bystanders would then look up into the sky to see what they were seeing. At one point this experiment aborted, as so many people were looking up that they stopped traffic. For more, check out the Asch conformity” experiments. Authority - People will tend to obey authority figures, even if they are asked to perform objectionable acts. Cialdini cites incidents, such as the Milgram experiments early 1960s and the My Lai massacre. Liking - People are easily persuaded by other people that they like. Cialdini cites the marketing of Tupperware in what might now be called viral marketing. People were more likely to buy if they liked the person selling it to them. Some of the many biases favoring more attractive people are discussed. See physical attractiveness stereotype. Scarcity - Perceived scarcity will generate demand. For example, saying offers are available for a "limited time only" encourages sales. This is an influence summary of Dr Robert Cialdini's work. Robert B. Cialdini is Regents' professor of Psychology at Arizona State University in the United States. In his presentations, Professor Cialdini describes and emphasizes the ethical use of these principles. Only through its non-manipulative use can the influence process be simultaneously effective, ethical, and enduring. And only in this fashion can it enhance a lasting sense of partnership between those involved in the exchange. I always give credit where credit is due. Robert’s work is ground breaking in the field of influence and persuasion. Many books try to come close but fair in comparison to his original work. Robert’s first book “The Psychology of Persuasion” copyrighted in 1984 / Robert’s second book “Influence - Science & Practice.” 2001 Please take a look these are great tools of communication.

Laws Of Influence

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At our current level of knowledge, the phenomenon of hypnosis cannot be conclusively defined but perhaps a reasonable interim definition might be that: Hypnosis is a state of mind, enhanced by (although not exclusively) mental and physical relaxation, in which our subconscious is able to communicate with our conscious mind. In the proper nomenclature, hypnosis refers to the trance state itself, and hypnotism refers to the act of inducing this state and to the study of this state. A hypnotist is someone who induces the state of hypnosis, and a hypnotherapist is a person who induces hypnosis to treat physical or mental illnesses. Hypnosis is a relaxed, focused state of concentration. But the actual state of hypnosis is a little harder to define. Until recently it was assumed that it was similar to sleep, or that the mind was somehow unconscious. In reality, there is a specific state that the brain enters into when it is receptive to suggestion. This has been discovered on CT/PET scans during hypnosis. It is not an unusual state of mind, and may feel like you are not in a trance, or in hypnosis. For most people they simply feel relaxed. There is a change in the brain wave activity, similar to that time just before sleep when the alpha state is entered. Your brain's waking state is a beta brain wave, just as you are going to sleep it changes to alpha and then to delta and theta in deep sleep. The alpha state is a very dreamy, pleasant state. During this time the mind is very open to visualizations and creating a rich sensory experience. The more real the experience becomes in the subconscious mind during this state, the more effect it will have on your waking behavior. It may be better to define “hypnosis” by what it does rather than what it is and in this regard, it is widely accepted as a most excellent method by which we may access our inner potential. The brain operates in four general states determined by the frequency of the electricity generated by the exchange of chemicals in the neural pathways. The four states include Full Conscious Awareness, the Hypnotic State, the Dream State, and the Sleep State. These four states correspond to electrical activity in the brain and are defined by frequency ranges on an EEG. Full Conscious Awareness occurs when the majority of the electrical activity in the brain is in the beta range (14-35 Hz). The Hypnotic State occurs when brain activity is in the alpha range (8-13 Hz). The Dream State occurs when brain activity is in the theta range (4-7 Hz), and the Sleep State occurs when brain activity is in the delta range (.5-3 Hz). Full Conscious Awareness is where which we spend most of our waking hours. In this state, our mind is attentive and uses logic to reason, evaluate, assess, judge, and make decisions. Unfortunately, when making life changes, the conscious mind often gets in the way. In the Hypnotic State, the doorway between the conscious and the subconscious is opened, memories become easily accessible, and new information is stored. In the Hypnotic State, you are not really "thinking" in the traditional sense. You are "experiencing" without questioning, without critical judgment or analysis, like when you watch a movie, this is when the hypnotherapist can make suggestions that are very likely to "stick" - because your conscious mind is no longer getting in the way. You are not "judging" or "critical" of any the suggestions. With the critical faculty bypassed, specific thoughts/suggestions can be lodged in the subconscious where they can propel the client toward a desired goal or change behavior in a positive, permanent way. Any such suggestions must be acceptable to the client, of course. They would have no effect otherwise.

What Is Hypnosis?

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People are sometimes concerned that they will “lose control” in hypnosis. However, consensus indicates that regardless of how deeply people may go in hypnosis and however passive they may appear to be, they actually remain in full control of the situation. They’re fully able to talk if they wish to (or not, as the case may be), and can stand up and leave the room at any time. A hypnotised person cannot be made to do anything against their usual ethical or moral judgement or religious belief. It is likely that the notion of a loss of control stems from most people’s misconception of stage hypnosis, wherein participants are apparently made to perform all manner of (usually foolish) acts. However, the reader should be aware that participation in a stage act is an entirely voluntary process (thus “permission” is already given to the hypnotist) and that there can be no such volunteer who is unaware of exactly what they are letting themselves in for! The predominant school of thought on hypnosis is that it is a way to access a person's subconscious mind directly. Normally, you are only aware of the thought processes in your conscious mind. You consciously think over the problems that are right in front of you, consciously choose words as you speak, consciously try to remember where you left your keys. But in doing all these things, your conscious mind is working hand-in-hand with your subconscious mind, the unconscious part of your mind that does your "behind the scenes" thinking. Your subconscious mind accesses the vast reservoir of information that lets you solve problems, construct sentences or locate your keys. It puts together plans and ideas and runs them by your conscious mind. When a new idea comes to you out of the blue, it's because you already thought through the process unconsciously. Your subconscious also takes care of all the stuff you do automatically. You don't actively work through the steps of breathing minute to minute; that is your subconscious mind! You don't think through every little thing you do while driving a car; a lot of the small stuff is thought out in your subconscious mind. Your subconscious also processes the physical information your body receives. Your subconscious mind is the real brains behind the operation, it does most of your thinking, and it decides a lot of what you do. When you're awake, your conscious mind works to evaluate a lot of these thoughts, make decisions and put certain ideas into action. It also processes new information and relays it to the subconscious mind. But when you're asleep, the conscious mind gets out of the way, and your subconscious has free reign. The subconscious regulates your bodily sensations, such as taste, touch and sight, as well as your emotional feelings. When the access door is open, and the hypnotist can speak to your subconscious directly, he or she can trigger all these feelings, so you experience the taste of a chocolate milkshake, the satisfaction of contentment and any number of other feelings.

Researchers have also studied patterns in the brain's cerebral cortex that occur during hypnosis. In these studies, hypnotic subjects showed reduced activity in the left hemisphere of the cerebral cortex, while activity in the right hemisphere often increased. Neurologists believe that the left hemisphere of the cortex is the logical control center of the brain; it operates on deduction, reasoning and convention. The right hemisphere, in contrast, controls imagination and creativity. A decrease in left-hemisphere activity fits with the hypothesis that hypnosis subdues the conscious mind's inhibitory influence. Conversely, an increase in right-brain activity supports the idea that the creative, impulsive subconscious mind takes the reigns. This is by no means conclusive evidence, but it does lend credence to the idea that hypnotism opens up the subconscious mind.

What Is Hypnosis cont?

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Hypnotic Language Patterns 1. Mind Read - Claiming to know the thoughts or feelings of another without specifying the process by which you came to know the information. “I know you were thinking...” or “I know you were wondering about ...” 2. Lost Perfomative - Value judgments where the performer of the value judgment is left out. “and it’s a good thing to wonder...” or “to relax feels good to go deeper...” 3. Cause & Effect - Where it is implied that one thing causes another. Implied causatives include: C > E or Makes / If ... Then / Makes me feel... / As you... then you... / ...because ... “because it’s those thoughts you are thinking which leads you relax and go deeper still..” 4. Complex Equivalence - Where two things are equated - as in their meaning being equivalent. “That means...” or “The fact you’ll be able to relax and go deeper still means you’ll be able...” 5. Presuppositions - The linguistics equivalent of assumptions. “You are learning many new things here in class...” or “Your learning’s allow you to change....” 6. Universal Quantifier - A set of words with a universal generalization / no referential index. “And all the things... “ or “You can always go deeper when...” or “ he never / every / any “ 7. Modal Operator (MOP’s) - Words which implies possibility or necessity, and which forms rules. “That you can learn...” or “You’ll see all the opportunities to change when...” 8. Nominalization - Process or actions words (verbs) frozen in time by turning them into nouns. “Your participation goes deeper than you understand...” or “ My relationship seems stagnant...” 9. Unspecified Verb - Lack of specific action taken. “And you can,” or “ And you are...” or “And he did, didn’t he?” 10. Tag Question - A question added after a statement designed to tie-down responsiveness. “... can’t you?” or “...wouldn’t you?” or “...Isn’t it?” or “...aren’t you?” or “...didn’t he?” 11. Lack of referential Index - a phrase that does not pick out a specific portion of the listeners Experience. Does not suggest to whom or what it refers to. “ One can you know.” or “They have all they need...” or “ It was them that decided to...” 12. Comparative Deletion - Where the comparison is made and it is not specified as to what

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Hypnotic Language Patterns cont. 13. Pace Current Experience - Where the clients experience (verifiable, external) is described in a way which the statement is undeniable. “Because, you’re sitting there, listening to my voice, thinking those thoughts, looking at me...” “As you’ll notice your thoughts, breathing in and out, listening to your internal voice, just feeling...” 14. Double Bind - When only two options are presented assuming one or the other will occur. It gives the listener two choices, both of which bind them to the same outcome. The well known phrase "heads I win, tails you lose" is an example of this. In selling, the double bind is commonly used for closing through the phrase, "Would you like to pay cash or by credit card?" Both outcomes bind the person to a sale, whereas the third option, that of not buying, is intentionally excluded from the list of choices. “And I don’t know if placing your attention on your breathing causes you to relax now or by taking a deeper breath will cause you to go deeper than you ever have before... right now!” 15. Conversational Postulate - Communication which has taken the form of a question to which would normally get a Yes or No response that avoids an authoritarian direction yet has an compelling feeling to act upon it’s response. “Do you feel this is something you can do this?” or “Isn’t there anything you can do something?” 16. Extended Quote - Draws the listeners attention, completely distracts them from the original speaker’s point of view they can no longer keep track of where the conversation was or maybe going. It confuses the CM looking to attach itself to any logic point made by the speaker. “This reminds me of a time I had a conversation which another practitioner who was explaining to me about a client he had who was a real estate agent who was speaking to his boss in San Diego about his wife wanting to do some work with her friends to feel better about her husbands father and mother so they could go... “ 17. Selectional Restriction Violation - Statements assuming that inanimate objects have feelings. A sentence in that only humans and animals can have feelings. “As your bed beckons to you.” or “The walls have ears.” or You’ll upset my car if you say that!” 18. Ambiguity - Ambiguity occurs when one sentence, phrase, or word has more than one possible meaning. It produces confusion and disorientation in the listener while they try and work out the meaning. This stalls the conscious mind for a few valuable moments that can be used to develop a trance state or deliver suggestions. There are (5) main types: A. Semantic - B. Phonological - C. Syntactic - D. Scope - E. Punctuation - 19. Utilization - Utilize all the things happening or said with yours and your clients experience. Client: “I am not sold!” Response: “That’s right, you’re not sold, yet... because you haven’t asked the one question that

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• Patterns of Hypnotic Techniques of Milton H. Erickson, MD: V1 - by John Grinder & Richard Bandler, • Patterns of Hypnotic Techniques of Milton H. Erickson, MD: V2 - by John Grinder, Bandler & Judith DeLozier • The Structure of Magic: A Book About Language and Therapy 1 - by John Grinder • The Structure of Magic II - by John Grinder • Trance-formations: NLP and the Structure of Hypnosis - by John Grinder • Using Your Brain: For a Change - by Richard Bandler • Insider's Guide to Submodalities - by Richard Bandler • Hypnosis for Change - by Josie Hadley • Time Line Therapy and the Basis of Personality - by Tad James • My Voice Will Go with You: Teaching Tales of Milton H. Erickson - by Milton H Erickson • Scripts and Strategies in Hypnotherapy: The Complete Works - by Roger P. Allen • Uncommon Therapy: Psychiatric Techniques of Milton H.Erickson, M.D. - by Jay Haley • Milton H.Erickson (Key Figures in Counseling & Psychotherapy Series) (Jeffrey K. Zeig & W. Michael Munion) • Handbook of Hypnotic Suggestions and Metaphors - by D.Corydon Hammond • Words That Change Minds: Mastering Language of Influence - by Shelle Rose Charvet • The Power of Metaphor: Story Telling & Guided Journeys - by Michael Berman • Coaching with NLP: How to Be a Master Coach - by Joseph O'Connor • Turtles All the Way Down: Prerequisites To Personal Genius - by John Grinder • Ericksonian Approaches: A Comprehensive Manual - by Rubin Battino • Hypnotherapy - by Dave Elman • Milton H.Erickson (Key Figures in Counseling & Psychotherapy Series) (Jeffrey K. Zeig & W. Michael Munion) • Uncommon Therapy: Psychiatric Techniques of Milton H.Erickson, M.D. (Jay Haley) • Phoenix: Therapeutic Patterns of Milton H.Erickson (David Gordon, Maribeth Meyers-Anderson)

Books on Hypnosis

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Reframing Reframing is a method used to alter the perception or perspective of an individual with an unresourceful interpretation of an experience. Reframes are linguistic tools which when applied to a person’s verbal expression of a currently held belief will possibly shift their interpretation of that particular event. Every event we experience we place a prescribed meaning upon, empowering or unresourceful. The meaning we place upon these experiences allows us to perform or behave within a particular context. A reframe can quickly interrupt a person’s thought process which then may cause the person to experience new internal representations replacing the old limiting ones they previously retained. All behavior is context dependent. Let me say that again; ALL BEHAVOIR IS CONTEXT DEPENDENT! Meaning, every experience we interpret in the world and every behavior IS appropriate in some given context or some frame. The strength of this statement is important in the attitude and methodology of Neuro-Linguistic Programming. NLP’s main purpose was to develop quality methods, processes, and interventions to reframe negative or limiting beliefs which a person utilizes that no longer may serve them. The process of reframing is simple; listen to a person’s verbal IR’s of their experience and deliver an alternative empowering context or meaning experience to replace the old limiting verbal representation. 1) Presuppose that all behavior (including resistance and limiting beliefs) is positively intended. 2) Separate the negative aspects of the behavior from the positive intention behind it. 3) Identify and respond to the positive intention of the resistant/problem person. 4) Offer the person other choices of behavior to achieve the same positive intention.

The basis of reframing is to separate intention from behavior!

THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF REFRAMES: 1. Context - “I’m too...” “He’s too...” “more...” “Less...” plus adverbs and adjectives ending in “er.” Comparative deletions or generalizations. To reframe: hold behavior constant and change context. “In what other context would this particular behavior be useful or have value?” Example - “I’m too Impatient!” Reframe - “I’ll bet you’re quick thinking in an emergency.” Example - “I’m worried, what if I train my staff and they leave?” Reframe - “Even worse, what if you DON’T train them and they stay!” 2. Meaning - verbs of causation, “is” “means” A causes B - cause & effect A means B - complex equivalence To reframe: hold context. constant and change the meaning of the behavior. “What other positive value or meaning could this behavior have?” Example - “My husband is too lazy.” Reframe - “That means he’s pretty laid-back & easy going, imagine living with a hard-headed guy?” Example - “My husband is ruthless and hard-headed.” Reframe - “That means he has ambition & drive, many woman would love to have a man like that!”

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1. Context Reframes Reframing is the ability to shift people’s perceptions linguistically! It becomes an elegant way to change another’s perceptions. An event has no meaning on its own. People give it meaning according to their beliefs, values, preoccupations, like and dislikes. In other words, the meaning of an experience is dependent on the context. Reframing is changing the way we perceive an event therefore changing the meaning. When the meaning changes, the response and behavior changes also. (Only give a Reframe when you’re in rapport, otherwise it might annoy someone) All meaning is context dependent. A context reframe leaves the meaning of a behavior the same and shows how it could be a useful response in a different context. Meaning of any behavior/event only exists in relationship to the context in which it occurs. Every behavior is appropriate in some context. (A sunny day in Alaska would not be so sunny in Southern California) Almost all behaviors are useful or appropriate in some context. A context reframe is useful for statements such as: ‘I am too pushy.’ or ‘I wish I did not focus on what could go wrong.’ In this type of situation, your client has assumed that this type of behavior has no value. Your job is to discover when it is of value by asking yourself the question ‘When or where would this behavior be useful or viewed as a resource?’ A possible reframe might be: ‘Isn’t that a great skill to have when you need to get things done or to avoid potential problems?’ Once you have your client more resourceful, you can then assist him to discover behaviors that may be more appropriate in other situations. Examples: “I’m too impatient? Reframe: “I bet you’re quick-thinking in an emergency? “He’s too selfish? Reframe:: “We’ve had so many problems with people not taking care of themselves, it’s often good to make sure you look after yourself to be in a better position to help others? “She’s too messy? Reframe: “She’d be good to have around if we were trying to make our home look like it had been burgled? (I don’t like to be too serious!) “I’m worried – What if I train my staff and then they leave? Reframe: “Even worse, what if you don’t train your people and they stay? Questions to ask of yourself to set up the Reframe: Where could this behavior be useful? In what other context would this particular behavior be of value?

Reframing #1

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2. Meaning Reframes For a Meaning Reframe: hold context constant and change the meaning of the behavior. “What other positive value or meaning could this behavior have?” Questions: What else could this behavior mean? In what way, could this be positive or a resource? “What is it that this person hasn’t noticed yet, in the same context, that will bring out a different meaning and change this person response?” “My husband is too lazy.” Reframe: That means that he is pretty laid back and easy going. Imagine living with a ruthless hard-headed character! “My husband is ruthless and hard-headed.” Reframe: “That means that he has ambition and drive. Many women would love that in a man!” ‘I get annoyed when my boss stands behind me while I am working.’ This person has given this event a specific meaning, which may or may not be true. This kind of interpretation will limit your options and course of action. To reframe this situation, remember the NLP presupposition ‘Every behavior has a positive intention’ and ask questions such as: What other meaning could the boss’ behavior have? Or for what purpose does he do it? A possible reframe might be: “Is it possible he wants to help and does not know how to offer his assistance in any other way?” Reframe: ‘Isn’t it great you know your boundaries and are not prepared to allow someone to violate them?’ 2. Meaning - (verbs of causation, “is” “means”) A causes B - cause & effect A means B - complex equivalence

Reframing #2

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Some notable Reframes are: Meaning Reframe - 1984 campaign, there was considerable concern about Ronald Reagan’s age. Speaking during the presidential debate with Walter Mondale, Reagan was asked; “Do you think that age is going to be an issue in this election?” Then he said “I refuse to make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience.” Reagan’s age was no longer an issue for the remainder of the campaign! Meaning Reframe - Thomas Watson Sr. a story about the first President of IBM. A young female worker had made a mistake that lost IBM $1 M in business. She was called in to the President’s office and as she walked in said, “Well, I guess you have called me here to fire me.” “Fire you?” Mr. Watson replied, “I just spent $1 M on your education!” Context Reframe - A father brought his head-strong daughter to see Milton Erickson - the famous hypnotherapist. He said to Erickson, “My daughter doesn’t listen to me or her mother. She is always expressing her own opinion, she’s too head strong.” After the father finished describing his daughter’s problem, Erickson replied, “Now isn’t it good that she will be able to stand on her own two feet when she is ready to leave home?” The father sat in stunned silence. That was the extent of the therapy -- he now saw his daughter’s behavior as useful later in her life. Context Reframe - Celine Dion - In an interview with by Barbara Walters; always bold and brash in her questions asks; “It’s well known that your husband is bit of a gambler, has this characteristic been a problem?” It was publicized that he recently lost a significant amount of money gambling. Celine’s response - “No it’s a God-send, I’m so lucky that he gambled on me, and mortgaged his house to assist me when I was first starting out!”

Reframing Cont.

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Intonation Patterns

The arrows indicate the rise, flat, and drop in tone of voice when speaking to someone. These interpretations are represented in the English language. Depending on how the sentence is delivered will determine how it is interpreted and made meaning of.

word + word word = Question A rise in inflection of the ending of the phrase or statement indicates a question.

word + word word = Statement A steady inflection of the ending of the phrase or statement indicates a statement.

word + word word = Command A downward inflection of the ending of the phrase or statement indicates a command. According to Dr. Birdwhistell, the head, eyes and hands will usually follow these intonations shifts in tonality. 1. “Can you tell me what time it is?” – head will rise during ‘is’ to indicate = question. 2. During a continuation of a sentence, the voice will maintain the same pitch, head remains straight, the eyes and hands unchanged = statement 3. “I’d like further information regarding this incident?” – Head, hand drops = command Begin to notice ‘how’ individuals process words into structural sentences. It has a direct reflection of their internal states and/or intentions of their communication. Once you begin to become more aware of other people’s communication styles, we then can interpret and utilize the returned message into a win-win for all involved.

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The art of reading the body is an ancient science dating back thousands of years. The Chinese developed the science of face reading, which presupposes that our bodies are energetic in nature and our features reveal patterns of emotions that have been consistently felt and focused upon. The following is a small sample of the vast science of Body Language, which will give the student insights into themselves and others. Just remember nothing is set in stone and what we perceive tends to come from OUR map! Skin tones Gray tones = Death wish Yellow tones = Resentment Pink tones = Life

Forehead High forehead = Ruminating thinker Low forehead = Instinctive thinker Lines across the forehead = Concentration lines

Eyes Large eyes = talkative Small eyes = tells only a portion of things Bags under eyes = held, unexpressed grief Lines between the eyes: (Left) = Judgment about receiving or judgment in the home. (Right) = Judgment about action in the world Line in the middle between the two eyes = Intensity line Whites show under Iris of the eye = Sanpaku, very stressed Nose Large nose = higher thinking capacity Short flat nose = rigid thinker Crooked nose to the left = Compulsive to receive, feels requirement to create Crooked nose to the right = Compulsive and hyper doer

Chin Oval chill = smoothly goes forward ill life Flat chill = makes waves going forward in life Receding chin = Avoids confrontation Cleft in chill = Mother and Father never bonded

Face Reading

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eBook 5

Controlling Emotional

States

“Life isn’t about trying to control your outside world, it’s about managing your internal world!”

~ John James Santangelo ~

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Anchoring In NLP, the term anchor refers to the human ability to repeatedly respond to a specific stimulus in a specific way. This is a natural phenomenon, which can be used for enhancing excellence. By creating anchors, our neurology operates more efficiently in the world. When something happens in our experience, we create a response to it, and the next time that same thing, or something very similar, happens, we already have a response ready. Our neurology is so good at creating these anchors; it even strings together chains of them to perform complex tasks (like walking, riding a bike, or driving a car) without conscious thought. If, every time we set out to perform one of these tasks, it was a complex as the first time, we would be severely limited in our accomplishments. Our neurology creates anchors that allow us to respond to situations quickly and efficiently. The drawback is that, although these anchors worked well when they were created, they may not be appropriate at this time. Fortunately, we can change, or reprogram, these anchors to get a desired result from a specific stimulus. This is done with care for the individual's personal ecology, ensuring that the proposed change will not actually cause harm or discomfort to the person. Once changed, the anchor remains changed until action is taken to change it again. Our neurology is lazy; it prefers to get us through life with as little effort as possible. That's why anchors from our childhood are still operating in our adult lives, even though we may prefer something different.

Anchoring is simply classical conditioning. It is the pairing of a stimulus with a response. The response we are choosing is a state of consciousness. The object is to get into the state of mind, into the state of consciousness, then set up the signal, the anchor. An anchor can be a touch, a word, a smell, a sound, or a taste. Kinesthetic anchors are the easiest to learn and duplicate. Once we have accessed the appropriate internal representation, we can establish an anchor that will be our external link to that state of consciousness. The guidelines apply whether you are setting anchors for yourself or facilitating a partner or client.

Establishing anchors is being able to ‘imprint’ something by catching moments when information will be associated with positive or powerful internal states. During Pavlov’s experiments with his dogs, there was two ways in which to create a response. One was through repetition; the continual association between a stimulus and a response. The other had to do with connecting an intense internal state to a particular stimulus. For example; people remembering the details of highly emotional experiences with no repetition at all. The association is made immediately.

An anchor is best established by first pairing the stimulus with the experience, then going through a cycle in which the experience is continually elaborated during which the anchor repeated. The more that can be elaborated or elicited with respect to the experience, the deeper and richer the response will be when the stimulus is applied.

There are a number of different anchors we are familiar with. Natural anchors are stimuli that occur in the home, work, or another environment the may pair a certain stimulus with a particular response. Anything that can occur within the natural framework of daily life can be considered a natural anchor. Some individuals have a natural tendencies towards certain types of anchors because of their natural or learned representational abilities. Such as a visually oriented person maybe more sensitive to visual cues, and kinesthetically oriented people will be more responsive to tactile cues, etc. Covert anchors tend to be the most powerful because they those set outside the conscious awareness of individuals. They bypass conscious filters and interference that keep getting in the way, thus making them a powerful form of influence.

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Anchoring is a basic Pavlovian conditioning of the nervous system. It is the process of pairing of a particular stimulus to a response to create a specific response. It also can be linked/associated with a particular state of mind or emotion. The method of establishing an anchor basically involves associating a trigger and pairing it with a particular state/emotional response.

THEORY: A. Definition: Any time a person’s in an associated intense state, if at the peak of that experience, a specific stimulus is applied, then the two will be linked neurologically. B. Anchoring can assist you in gaining access to past states and linking the past state to the present and future.

C. Stack anchors: to intensify the response by adding additional states upon the already existing anchor, creating a higher peak emotion. PROCESS: Four Steps to Anchoring: 1. Have the person recall a past vivid experience 2. Provide a specific stimulus at the peak (see chart below) 3. Change the person’s state (break state) 4. Set off the anchor to test Four Keys to Anchoring 1. The intensity of the experience 2. The timing of the anchor 3. The uniqueness of the anchor 4. The replication of the stimulus

APPLICATION OF AN ANCHOR:

Anchoring

INT

EN

SIT

Y

TIME

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Resource Anchors A resource anchor is one of the most powerful techniques NLP has to offer. Before NLP, stimulus-response conditioning was recognized just as a naturally occurring experience within the environment. When John Grinder and Richard Bandler began to model Milton Erickson, they noticed him using (unconsciously) many verbal and non-verbal cues as posthypnotic triggers to help his clients access resourceful states, change states or re-access a hypnotic trance again. Something the client could not otherwise have developed on their own. Your ability to create and establish strong resourceful anchors will serve your and your clients in the most empowering way. Imagine the ability to change emotional states through-out the day at will. How effective will you be as a coach or trainer when you can teach your clients to anchor themselves into resourceful states? The number one problem individuals are challenged with on a daily basis is the ability to make decisions which empower their lives. Though in order to make quality decisions you MUST BE in a resourceful state of mind when deciding. When you’re feeling down or bad do you have a tendency to make good or bad decisions? If you and your clients had a way to ‘feel’ better at any given moment, do you believe in would enhance yours and the lives of others around you? Establishing a Resourceful Kinesthetic Anchor 1. Identify and elicit a state you want to anchor. Find a specific time in the past when you fully experienced that state. ie; “Can you recall a time when you were totally _____?” 2. Relive the experience, associating yourself fully in your own point of view (associated). See it trough your own eyes; “See what you saw, hear what you heard, and feel what you felt.” Take an inventory of internal and external cues of the environment, other people, sounds and self-talk. 3. Select before hand a unique anchor on some part of your body that will not get diluted throughout the day. When you are just about to peak during the experience set (K) anchor for 5-15 seconds. (remember to always ask permission to touch the person you are working with.) 4. Break State 5. Fire off the (K) anchor in the identical position with the same pressure, for the same amount of time originally done, wait for the intended response as state peaks, then release as peak levels off. 6. Break State 7. Test and future pace. Identify a situation(s) in the future in which you would like to feel differently and imagine yourself in that moment while you fire off your (K) anchor. Calibrate! Stacking Anchors Stacking anchors is simply repeating steps 1-4 by adding to, strengthening the original anchors intensity by deepening the emotional states attached to that one single anchor. Stack one state (anchor) upon another until you’ve caused the anchor to become a powerful resource when needed.

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Collapse Anchors Sometimes it is necessary to extinguish an anchor, or even replace it with a more resourceful state. One of the most common methods is through a process known as “systematic desensitization.” The process has the client access and enter into a neutral or dissociated state, then introducing the “problem state” slowly and in small doses. For example, if someone experiences anxiety when they encounter dogs. The individual may close their eyes enter, into a (calm) anchored state and then open their eyes for a brief moment of time, only as effectively as they can hold on to the (calm) state, then close their eyes again remaining in this comfortable feeling. If they cannot, they would close their eyes and re-enter and reinforce the neutral state until they feel completely comfortable all the while looking at a dog(s). Another and more powerful way to re-program the “problem anchor” is to collapse the anchor with another anchor firing off the two anchoring together. It is most important to remember that the anchor with the more emotional intensity will supersede the weaker anchor. So it’s of the utmost importance that when collapsing an anchor upon another that the new, resourceful anchor has at least or more of an emotional intensity attached to it. One way of making sure this happens is by stacking at least three anchors to collapse the “problem” state. 1. Establish rapport and set the frame. 2. Decide upon which positive resourceful state(s) will be most useful. 3. Decide upon which negative state is to be collapsed. 4. Access and enter into the positive state(s) you’re eliciting. 5. Anchor this positive congruent state. 6. Break state. 7. Access and enter into the negative state you’re eliciting. 8. Anchor this negative state. 9. Break state. 10. Fire off the anchors simultaneously until they both peak. 11. Release the negative, while continuing to hold the positive anchor. 12. Hold the positive for 5 seconds, calibrate, then release. 13. Test. “So the next time you (encounter the trigger) what happens now?”

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This simple yet amazing process The Circle of Excellence is a basic self-anchoring technique. Originally developed by Dr. John Grinder co-creator of NLP, The Circle of Excellence can be used to elicit, create and stabilize desired states. 1. Relive the experience: Stand up and allow yourself go back to a memory to a time when you felt very confident, abundantly confident, and empowered. Relive that moment, seeing what you saw, hearing what you heard, and feeling what you felt. 2. Circle of excellence: As you feel the confidence building inside of you, imagine a three foot circle on the floor around your feet. Imagine this circle has a color inside of it, what color would you choose? Would you like your circle to have a sound associated to it, like a soft hum or music which indicates how powerful it is? When your feelings are peaking and at their fullest, step out of your colored circle, leaving all those feelings of confidence inside the circle. Repeat the same process again reliving another event leaving those feelings again inside the circle, and then another, and stack these three events inside your circle of excellence. 3. Select cues: Now think of a specific time in your future when you want to have these same feelings of confidence. See and hear what will be there just before you want to feel confident. The cue could be the site of the next fairway, your briefcase, your front door, or hearing yourself being introduced. Notice exactly what those cues are just before the event happens. Be very clear about them. 4. Linking cues: As soon as your cues are clear in your mind, step back into your circle and feel those confident feelings once again. Imagine the situation unfolding around you in the future with these confident and empowered feelings fully available to you now. 5. Future pace: Now step back out once more, leaving those confident, and powerful feelings inside your circle once again. Outside the circle, think again about that up coming event. You’ll find you’ll automatically recall the same confident feelings you had when you were inside your colored circle. This means you’ve already pre-programmed yourself for that upcoming event, feeling better about it and it hasn’t even happened yet. When it does arrive, you’ll find yourself naturally responding with more confidently with power. Repeat this exercise with many other challenging events which may cause you to be any less than powerful

Circle Of Excellence

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THE PLANNING Determine your outcome. Develop as many options as possible to achieve that outcome. - Avoid fixed position. - Define upper and lower limits of range. Identify potential areas of agreement. Identify issues to be resolved and plan how to discuss them. Determine your best alternative to an agreement.

THE PROCESS

Opening 1. Establish rapport. 2. Get consensus that there is basis for negotiation. 3. Qualify the other negotiator through the ''as if'. 4. Establish the other negotiator's outcome through the ''as if'.

Exchange 1. State areas of agreement. 2. Anchor any and every state you can utilize later. 3. State issues to be resolved. 4. Probe for other's outcomes in areas of disagreement. 5. Develop options that include both parties' outcomes. - Remind the other of shared interests. - Ask for help in developing options. - Ask for preference among several options. - Emphasize objective standards for selecting an option. 6. Get agreement on the best option and move to close. Closing Summarizes agreement and action plan emphasizing the next step.

Negotiation Strategy

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The new behavior generator process is used to move from a dream/goal to action. It was created by John Grinder in the late 1970’s. This is an elegant strategy which can be applied to almost any new desired behavior. The basic steps involve forming a visual image of a desired behavior, kinesthetically associating into the image on an emotional feeling level, and verbalizing any missing or needed ingredients. The goal of this process is to do a mental dress rehearsal by generating imaginary scenarios coupled with kinesthetic representations so the conscious and unconscious minds have neuro-pathways already in-place. 1. Select a new behavior you would like to have, or one you’d like to become more competent

in. “If I could already achieve my new goal, what would I look like?”

2. Take the directors chair of your mind. Picture yourself achieving the goal 3. From a dissociated perceptual position, watch the scene unfold. Then direct the actors

until the scene looks like the actors playing you has complete competence in this new behavior. Also take notice of the responses of the other actors in the scene.

4. Listen to the sound track and edit it until it sounds as if the actor playing you has

competence in the new behavior. Create as much detail in all 3 representational systems (V,A,K) as possible.

5. Mix the film and sound track and edit the scene till you feel completely satisfied with the

actor playing you in this new behavior. (remember, details are most important) 6. Finalized the new behavior completely, step into the picture, fully associate (replace the

actor playing you) into it and run through it as if you are performing the behavior. Notice an internal or external signal you can use to trigger (anchor) this behavior later.

7. Rehears the scene until it’s exactly as you would like to be performing it. Make sure: (V) It looks like you are performing the behavior naturally (A) Something tells you that you are performing the behavior naturally. (K) You feel like you are performing the behavior naturally. 8. Test the new behavior. At a later time in the outside environment, when the opportunity

presents itself, try this new behavior, recreate the internal/external signal (fire anchor) to trigger new skill.

New Behavior Generator

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eBook 6

Deciphering Meaning

In Others!

"We can't solve problems using the same kind of thinking used when we created them!” ~ Albert Einstein ~

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Meta-Model Language serves as a representational system for our experiences. Our possible experiences as humans are tremendously rich and complex. We program our experiential reality with words, thus creating our reality. But we delete, distort and generalize information so it becomes disconnected from its deeper meaning. Just as the map is not the territory it represents, so the word is not the thing being represented – there is a gap. Does that make sense? Think about this, originally at a deep level of thought, we have a complete knowledge of what we want to communicate to someone else. This is called the deep structure of our language and functions at an unconscious level. To be efficient in our verbal or written communication, we unconsciously delete, distort and generalize our inner thoughts based on our limiting beliefs, values, memories, decisions, strategies, what we want you to hear, etc. What is finally communicated or written (surface structure) is only such a small portion/segment of the original thought and usually is very ambiguous or confusing and which ultimately leads to miscommunication. In order to recover the information missing as a result of our deletions, distortions and generalizations Bandler and Grinder identified 12 different patterns... with corresponding questions. How great is that. You can finally comprehend what someone is really saying at a deep level. It’s called the Meta Modal and is a powerful and precise set of linguistic information gathering tools designed to reconnect a person's language to the experience represented by their language. Meta means ‘above’ or ‘about’ or looking AT the bigger picture or in relation to. (Remember HOW we filter our world, we take in 2M bits, D,D,G, that information through certain filters and which create an IR of the event. So our language IS a representation of the experiences / events we map out for our world. So it’s almost as if when asking these set of explicit questions, you can uncover the deeper structure of what is really be said. The Meta Model! It’s about being MORE specific to get a better understanding of the person’s model of the world. The purpose of the questions is to cut through this vagueness, which may cause problems when communicating, and then to access the missing information for both you and the other person. Again, it’s simply to gain a better understanding of the deep structure and to make more sense of their communication. This is not about finding the ‘right’ answers but having a better understanding of what their model of the world truly is. Now let me ask you, would like to able to uncover MORE of the meaning when people try to communicate to you? YES I’m sure you would! This is another POWERFUL method that NLP can offer you when you really practice these simple techniques I’m offering you here. Once you’ve mastered the Meta Model it will become one of your most favorite tools to help you along your path. Though it does take practice to master the questioning process and it must be done with a HUGE amount of rapport, they must feel safe and not pressured or they won’t open up to you. Make sure you have rapport with them and you do this openly. "The basic principle behind the Meta Model is Korzybski's notion that 'the map is not the territory.' That is, the models we make of the world around us with our brains and our language are not the world itself but representations of it." - Dilts and DeLozier, Encyclopedia of Systemic NLP and NLP New Coding,

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Meta-Model DELETION is a process by which we selectively pay attention to certain proportions of our experience and exclude others. Take, for example, the ability that people have to filter out or exclude all other sound in a room full of people talking in order to listen to one particular person's voice... Deletion reduces the world to proportions which we feel capable of handling. The reduction may be useful in some contexts and yet be the source of pain in others. Simple Deletion: It’s where something is left out. Example: “I am mad.” Question(s) to recover lost information: “About what?” Unspecified Referential Index: Person’s/object refers to is unspecified or not clear. Example: “They rejected my business proposal.” or “They rejected it.” Question(s) to recover lost information: “Who?” or “What?” Comparative Deletions: A comparison is made and it is unclear as to what is being compared. The sentence will contain words such as: good, bad, better, best, worst, more, less, most, least. Example: “This approach is better.” Question(s) to recover lost information: “Compared to what or whom?” Unspecified Verb: In this case, it is not clear HOW something was done. Example: “They rejected my business proposal.” I have used the example for Unspecified Referential Index to illustrate that sometimes there’sseveral things that have been deleted, distorted or generalized and it is up to you to decide which line of questioning will yield the most information. Question(s) to recover lost information: “How specifically?”

Nominalizations: A process has been turned into a “ thing” . Nominalizations are nouns, yet you cannot physically touch them or put them in the trunk of your car. Examples of nominalizations are: communication, relationship, leadership, respect, truth, freedom, depression, love, etc. Our task here is to ask a question so that the process can be rediscovered. Example: “The communication in our family is poor.” Question(s) to recover lost information: “How would you like us to communicate?” Notice that there is also a comparative deletion and we could also ask “Poor compared to what?”

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Meta-Model DISTORTION is the process which allows us to make shifts in our experience of sensory data. “Imagining” for example, allows us to prepare for experiences which we may have occurred before. It is the process which has made possible all the artistic creations which we as humans have created. In the same way all the great novels, all revolutionary discoveries of the sciences involve the ability to distort and misrepresent present reality. Einstein said of thinking up the theory of relativity, he rode a beam of light out into the universe. Mind Reading: here the speaker claims to know what another person believes, feels, or thinks. Example: “My boss is not pleased with my work.” Question(s) to recover lost information: For this pattern, we simply ask, how do you know? “How specifically do you know your boss is not pleased with your work?” Lost Performative: Value judgments are made and it is not clear who has made the judgment. Example: “This is the right way to get ahead in this company.” Question(s) to recover information: “According to whom?” or “How do you know it is the right way?” Cause -- Effect: The speaker establishes a cause-effect relationship between two events or actions. Common constructions include: if .., then, because, makes, compels, causes. Example: “When you look at me that way, I feel unimportant.” Question(s) to recover lost information: “How does the way I look at you cause you to choose to feel unimportant?” You could also use a counter example. Complex Equivalence: In this situation two experiences are interpreted as being the same. These two experiences could be joined by words such as: therefore, means, implies. Example: “My boss walked into his office without saying ‘good morning’, therefore he’s not pleased with my work.” Question(s) to recover lost information: "How does not saying ‘good morning’ mean that your boss is not pleased with your work?” or “Have you ever been preoccupied by family or business pressures and forgot to say ‘good morning’ to your co-workers?”

Presuppositions: Some part of the sentence presupposes or implies the existence (or non-existence) of something, person, etc. while not explicitly stating it. Example: “When will you demonstrate leadership for your team?” This sentence presupposes that you do not demonstrate leadership. If you try to answer this question directly, you will be digging an even deeper hole for yourself. Question(s) to recover lost information: “What leads you to believe that I do not demonstrate leadership?” or “How is it that I do not demonstrate leadership?”

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Meta-Model GENERALZATION is the process by which elements or pieces of a person's model become detached from their original experience and come to represent the entire category of which the experience is an example. Our ability to generalize is essential to coping with the world... The same process of generalization may lead a human being to establish rules such as, relationships are hard, or money is the root of all evil. These are limiting generalizations. More empowering ones could be; Money is easy to come by when you allow it in, or the right relationship will find you when you’re not looking. It’s what allows us to drive ANY car because we generalize that all cars ARE the same mechanisms otherwise we’d have to learn how to drive all over again every-time you got into a car you’ve never drove before. If you find this truly fascinating and like to learn more at a deeper level, Richard and John’s first book was called - The Structure of Magic (1975) Universal Quantifiers: Universal quantifiers are typically words such as: all, every, never, always, only, everyone, everything, no one, etc. Example: “My boss never gives me credit for what I do.” Question(s) to recover lost information: We can exaggerate the generalization or use a counter example. “Never?” or “Has there ever been a time when your boss has given you credit?”

Modal Operators of Necessity or Possibility: Modal Operators of Necessity include words such as should, shouldn't, must, must not, have to, need to, it is necessary. Modal Operators of Possibility include words such as can/can't, will/won't, may/may not, possible/impossible. Example: “I can’t do this now.” Question(s) to recover lost information: The key is to challenge the limitation. “What would happen if you did?” or “What prevents you?”

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Meta-Model PATTERN RESPONSE PREDICTION

DISTORTIONS 1. MIND READING: Knowing someone’s internal state EX: “You don’t like me.”

How do you know I don’t like you? Recover source of information

2. LOST PERFORMATIVE: Value judgments; person doing the judging is left out. EX: “It’s bad to be inconsistent.”

(Gather evidence) Who says it’s bad?

According to whom? How do you know it’s bad?

Recover: Source of belief,

Perfomative, Belief strategy

3. CAUSE & EFFECT: (A > B) Where cause is wrongly put outside self EX: “You make me feel bad.”

(Find counter-examples) “How specifically?

How does what I’m doing cause you to choose to feel bad?”

Recover choice

4. COMPLEX EQUIVALENCE: (A = B) Two experiences are interpreted as being synonymous EX: “She always yells at me, she doesn’t like me.”

“How does her yelling at you mean She doesn’t like you?”

“You ever yelled at someone you liked?”

Recover complex - equivalence

counter example

5. PRESUPPOSITIONS: EX: “if my husband knew how much I suffer, he wouldn’t do that.” 1. I suffer 2. My husband acts in some manner 3. My husband doesn’t know I suffer

4. “How do you choose to suffer?”

2. “How is your husband reacting?”

3. “How do you know he doesn’t know you are suffering?”

Specify choice & verb. Specify what husband

does. Recover internal reps & complex equivalence

GENERALIZATIONS

6. UNIVERSAL QUALIFIERS: All, Every, Never, Everyone, No One, Always... Etc. EX: “She never listens to me.”

(Find counter-examples) “ Never?”

“What would happen if she did?”

Recover counter-example,

effect, outcomes.

7. MODEL OPERATORS: A. Model Operators Of Necessity (required) Shouldn’t, Should, Must/Not, Have To, Need To, B. Model Operators Of Possibility (Impossibility) Can/Can’t, Will/Won’t, Possible/Impossible EX: “I can’t tell him the truth.”

A. “What would happen if you did?” “What would happen if you didn’t?”

B. “What prevents you?”

“What would happen if you did?”

Recover effect, outcomes.

Recover causes.

DELETIONS

8. NOMINALIZATIONS: Process words, verbs, that have been turned into nouns. EX: Communication / Relationship

Who’s communicating what to whom? How would you like to communicate?

Turn back into process, recover deletion & R. I.

9. UNSPECIFIED VERBS: Delete information about the process EX: “He rejected me.”

“How specifically did he reject you?” Specify the verb

10. SIMPLE DELETIONS: A. Simple deletion: EX: “I am uncomfortable.” B. Lack of Ref. index: fails to specify a person or thing. EX: “They don’t listen to me.” C. Comparative Deletion: Good, Better, Best, More/Less, Most. Least, Worst, EX: “She’s a better person.”

A. About What , Whom?

B. Who, Specifically, doesn’t listen to you?

C. Better than whom? Better than what?

Recover deletion Recover Referential-

Index Recover Comparative-

Deletion

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Meta-Model

SUMMARY OF META-MODEL QUESTIONS DISTORTIONS 1. Mind Reads - “ He doesn’t think I’m good enough” Claiming to know someone else’s internal process (thoughts & feelings) without identifying the process or sensory based data used to determine the information. Meta-Question - How do you know? Meta-Effect - Recovers source of information. 2. Lost Perfomative - “ You’re not good enough unless you’re perfect.” Making a value judgment without stating who’s opinion it is and acting as if statement is true. Meta-Question - A. Who says? B. How do you know? Meta-Effect - Recovers source of belief 3. Cause & Effect - “ You make me feel like I’m not perfect.” Cause for one behavior/feelings is wrongly attributed to someone/thing rather than to oneself. Meta-Question - How specifically? Meta-Effect - Recovers choice. 4. Complex Equivalence - “ When you turn away, you don’t like me.” Challenge the statements by asking if it is always true!

If it’s not always true, ask when specifically? If it is always true, switch referential index while holding the generalization constant (eg. If A always happens when you do B to Jane, will A happen if Jane does B to you?)

Meta-Question - How does ____ mean ____ ? Have you ever _____and have it not ____? (counter-example)

Meta-Effect - Provides counter-example & recovers deep structure of CE. 5. Presuppositions - “If my wife knew how angry I get, she would do that anymore.” Statements in which some unstated element must be assumed (pre-supposed) to be true in order for the statement to make sense (to be true or false). That is, the surface structure of the statements (the specific words and their meanings) omit or obscure the deep structure of the statements (their underlying message or presupposed truths).

Meta-Question - A. How do you choose to...? B. How specifically? C. How is she reacting...? Meta-Effect - Challenges the statement.

1. My wife acts in some way. 2. I’m Angry. 3. My wife doesn’t know I get angry.

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Meta-Model

(Cont.) SUMMARY OF META-MODEL QUESTIONS GENERALIZATIONS 6. Universal Quantifiers - “I never do it right.” Nouns, adjectives or adverbs which presuppose total inclusion or exclusion. Uses exaggerations to elicit response that narrows the perspective. (All, Every, Always, Never, Everyone, Nobody... Etc) Meta-Question - Never? Always? Everyone? Meta-Effect - Recovers outcome, effects and counter-example. 7. Modal Operators - A. Modal Operators of Necessity - “I must succeed.” Verbs which presuppose a need or requirement within the statement (should, must, got to, have to, need to, shouldn’t, must not, couldn’t ) Meta-Question - What would happen if you did? Didn’t? Meta-Effect - Recovers effects and outcomes. B. Modal Operators of Possibility - “I can’t stay in a relationship.” Verbs which presuppose a choice or possibility (can/can’t, will/will not, may/may not, possible/impossible) Meta-Question - What stops you? What prevents you? What would happen if you did? Meta-Effect - Recovers cause.

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Meta-Model

(Cont.) SUMMARY OF META-MODEL QUESTIONS DELETIONS 8. Nomalizations - “My decision created a limitation in my life.” Verbs, which are process words, which have been turned into nouns, now in a static condition. A common nominalization is adding "-ing" to a verb to make it a noun. Meta-Question - How are you deciding to limit yourself? What unlimited possibilities do you want to be deciding now? Meta-Effect - Recovers process. Turn back into a process. 9. Unspecified Verbs - “I can’t learn.” Verbs which delete information about the process. Process words which are missing a complete description and verbs that are, to a greater or lesser degree, unspecified. Meta-Question - How specifically? Meta-Effect - Recovers process information. 10. Simple Deletions - A. Simple deletions - “I’m not sure.” Meta-Question - How specifically? Meta-Effect - Recovers process information. B. Lack of Referential Index - “They aren’t sure.” Meta-Question - Who specifically? Meta-Effect - Recovers referential Index. C. Comparative deletions - “She’s not sure.” Meta-Question - Compared to whom or what? Meta-Effect - Recovers comparative deletion.

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It has been said that most people focus on the ten percent they don’t have rather than the ninety percent they do have! Funny how that is. I believe in many cultures the same holds true no matter how opulent or how poor it may be. You may know many individuals like this. Rarely are they thankful for anything that happens in their lives, and consequently they are always complaining that life never gives them a break. These are the same individuals who blame everyone and everything for their “bad luck”. Why? The human mind and nervous system consistently focus on progress, a forward direction, moving towards what you place in front of it. So, when you are focused on the LACK in your life (what is missing), then the subconscious mind moves in that direction, verses when you focus your attention on all your abundance (all you do have), it produces more of that. It is said, “As you sow, so shall you reap.” Again, what do you focus upon daily? Gratitude is giving thanks to all that is.

“It recognizes that nothing is be taken for granted, and that most

importantly, it is an expression of complete, unconditional love in

the form of a thank you to the God force that is

in all things.” Manifesting Your destiny

– Dr. Wayne Dyer

When your heart and soul are filled with gratitude, you cannot possibly focus on what is missing. Saying thank you for all that you have, is the ultimate expression of love you can exhibit to God for all that is. Nothing could be a greater expression of gratitude than to thank the universe for all it has provided to you for all that you ask of it. An ‘attitude of gratitude’ is a channel wide open for any and all that is good to come your way. It opens the door to success, good health, and abundance. By keeping the channel open, you clear the path for abundance to consistently flow to you at all times. Consequently, when the channel is closed, it seems nothing good comes your way. Isn’t that true? When we are in thank-less mode, nothing happens, no good-luck! As most call it, good fortune! The truth is, there is no such thing as good luck. There is just opportunity and possibility.

You make you own luck. There is an old saying that is, “there’s no such thing as luck, just opportunity meeting preparedness.” When you are in thank-full mode, then the floodgates open wide and all things are possible. It is what it is. It’s the law of the universe, you ask, it provides, you send thanks, it multiplies ten fold your abundance. Of course you don’t have to believe me. It’s not my philosophy, this IS how life operates. You’ve seen it happen all around you and maybe chose to look the other way. But when you are present in the moment, and aware that the universe does provide for you, saying thank you is the way to bless all that was, all that is, and all that will be! Don’t take my word for it, TRY IT! As an experiment, do it for 30 days, everyday say thank you for everything you can possibly imagine, EVERYTHING! Allow your attention to be placed upon all things which come your way, even the negative, say thank you for them. Bless the bad as well as the good. After all, lessons come in all forms. By choosing to only acknowledge the good, you miss out on the most valuable lessons of all. So keep your attention upon all things, and be grateful in the mist of conflict, turmoil, and grief. This is your life. Be thankful for ALL of it, it’s all yours! Good and bad. Get in a daily habit of expressing gratitude for all things, and watch how your life expands and grows beyond your expectations.

Gratitude

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There is a universal law of divine reciprocity. You give; God gives in return. When you plant a seed, the ground yields a harvest. That is a reciprocal relationship. The ground can only give to you as you give to the ground. You put money in the bank, and the bank returns interest. That is reciprocity. When we give, we create a vacuum, which attracts even more than what you have given away. Stephen Covey, “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” uses the phrase emotional bank account to describe the principle of reciprocity and the corresponding credit-withdrawal process in relationships. Using the metaphor of a financial bank account, the emotional bank account describes the trust that accumulates in a relationship. Like the financial bank account, you must make deposits before you can make withdrawals.

“Whatsoever ye sow, that shall ye

also reap; therefore, if ye sow good ye

shall also reap good for your reward”

(Gal. 6:7).

The guideline for our giving to God and His work is found in 2 Corinthians 9:6-7: "Now this I say, he who sows sparingly shall also reap sparingly; and he who sows bountifully shall also reap bountifully. Let each one do just as he has purposed in his heart; not grudgingly or under compulsion; for God loves a cheerful giver." This verse makes it clear that the more generously we “sow” with the right attitude, the more abundantly we will reap. Two kinds of giving are taught consistently throughout Scripture: giving to the government (always compulsory), and giving to God (always voluntary).

Reciprocity

The issue of giving vs. tithing has been greatly confused by some who misunderstand the nature of the Old Testament tithes. Tithes were not primarily gifts to God, but taxes for funding the national budget in Israel. Because Israel was a theocracy, the Levitical priests acted as the civil government making the Levite's tithe (Leviticus 27:30-33) a precursor to today's income tax. All giving apart from that required to run the government, was purely voluntary (Exodus 25:2). Each person gave whatever was in his heart to give; no percentage or amount was specified. New Testament believers are never commanded to tithe. Matthew 22:15-22 and Romans 13:1-7 tell us about the only required giving in the church age, which is the paying of taxes to the government. Interestingly enough, we in America presently pay between 20 and 30 percent of our income to the government--a figure very similar to the requirement under the theocracy of Israel.

Giving or tithing will be one of the important lessons you’ll choose to learn. When you learn to let go of the ‘things’ you think you own, they no longer own you. Begin to give back for all you do have, and you’ll start creating that vacuum to attract massive abundance in your life right now! How can you desire ‘more’ in your life if you do not make more room for it to grow? There is unlimited abundance in the world to go around, and yet some actually believe there is only so much money to be had. By tithing or giving back, you ensure your prosperity in God’s eyes, as well as everyone around you. All the relationships you create will be a direct reflection of this idea of giving back. Even the relationship you have with yourself! You deserve all this world has to offer, so recycle your abundance. What kind of seeds are you sowing?

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Are you in a serious relationship? Even if you are not, you may want to know what causes your partner to experience the feeling of being totally loved... by you! Everyone has a certain way they like to receive love from others, which is usually not the same as we do. When you begin to understand and feedback your partners own love strategy they will feel totally and completely loved by you. Ask these questions below, and watch for your partner/friend response. You’ll then know how they need to be loved. This is the way it makes THEM feel totally and completely loved! Most likely, the way they need to receive it, will not be the way you’ll give it out. 1. How do you know you are loved by someone else? 2. Can you remember a time when you were totally loved? A specific time? 3. In order for you to know you’re totally and completely loved, is it absolutely necessary for you: A. To be taken places, and bought things or to be looked at with that special look? B. OR that you hear that special tone of voice or those special words? C. OR is it necessary that you are touched in a certain way or a certain place? This will help you realize what THEY favor. It can usually be summed up in 3 ways. 1 - Bought things/looked at 2 - Hear words or special tone of voice. 3 - Touched or feel the feelings of... An example of one of the ways these love patterns get crossed. The guy has a verbal (A) love strategy and she has a feeling (K) love strategy. So the guy TELLS his girlfriend/wife - “I love you so much, and nothing means more to me.” while the girlfriend/wife needs to FEEL his love, by him touching, caressing and making love to her. Yes, he loves her very much but she needs it expressed in a (K) way in order to FEEL loved by him. What happens is that neither of them will feel totally and completely loved by the other UNTIL they receive it in their love strategy. Think about it, in the beginning of any relationship most individuals are doing all three; taking them places and buying things, Saying all the right words and in that special tone of voice, and touching and making love often (hopefully;) Then, what naturally happens is we fall back into our own love strategy which is usually different than their favorite which makes them feel loved by you. This repetitive cycle of MIS-understanding can lead to frustration, anger, and worst yet, resentment, which is the prime motivation that drives couples apart. So if you’re truly interested in knowing what turns on your mate and makes them feel totally and completely loved by YOU, you’ll learn which of the 3 love strategies your partner desires most. Then begin to make it a habit to do that one strategy more often. And learn to express what it is that YOU desire and need from a relationship so you will feel fulfilled by them. Do your homework and you will succeed!

Deep Love Strategy

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Spelling Strategy Most people aren’t even aware they have a strategy for spelling. None-the-less they can change it and install a more effective one. Bad spellers are not born they are created. Like most behaviors they are learned through action, an action which may have produced a negative feeling for them as a child learning to spell. Remember about anchoring, anything can get linked up during a peak emotional state, lets say during a class spelling bee when you didn’t know the word and were ridiculed and/or laughed at trying to sound the word out to no avail. It’s not your fault if you have a bad spelling strategy, it’s just a conditioned response to a learned behavior. So, now that you know this you can change it to a more effective strategy, or better yet teach someone you know or love to become a better speller. I have seen remarkable results in children’s confidence and their test scores in a VERY short period of time working with this strategy. I have used this technique over and over again with my nieces, friends and even covertly to someone I desired to help spell better... Yes, even without them knowing it. You can teach this strategy to anyone! 3 STEPS TO AN EFFECTIVE STRATEGY: ELICITING - Find out what strategy someone is already using. DESIGNING - Streamline what there is to make it more effective, or design one from scratch. INSTALLING - Automate the new sequence so it becomes part of their unconscious process. STRATEGY ILICITATION: 1. Start at the beginning. “When I give you the word..., what is the first thing you do the inside?” 2. Backtrack and go on. “So first you..., and then what?” Make sure they follow you each step. 3. Make sure you get a step(s) that has to do with how to spell the word. Some spellers do not

have a strategy at all. “How do you KNOW how to spell _____?” 4. “When you see, hear, or feel that, how do you KNOW that it is right?” 5. Get only as much detail as you need. INAPPROPRIATE SPELLING STRATEGY: ( -K > A > V ) • Negative K - Begins with a bad feeling; IE embarrassment, defeat, frustration, Etc. • Phonetic - Sound it out - accurate only 50% of time, assumption word is spelled as it sounds. • Visual construct - creative spelling - while visualizing trying construct picture piece by piece. EXCELLENT SPELLING STRATEGY: ( Vr > A > K ) • Vr - When asked to spell a word; See’s the word focused in Vr area, breaks it down into chucks. • A - Says the word internally or aloud. • K - Gets a feeling of familiarity & association between the sight and sound, then feels good

about KNOWING it’s spelled correctly. Increases confidence and helps ability. • If they do not find the feeling of familiarity, does a visual search until they get the positive K. • Secondary strategy for spelling if no memory image exits.

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Learning Strategy All learning is state dependent. Which means, the more you’re able to experience a positive, good mood, the more your ability to learn, retain and recall information. The solution to an effective learning strategy is to have fun. Your ability to learn, retain and recall information at will, will be based solely upon your ability to move in and out of empowering states of mind at any given moment. As you begin to learn more about the true effectiveness of NLP you’ll find it will continue to come back to the simple presupposition “You are in control of your thoughts, therefore your results.” STEPS TO AN EFFECTIVE LEARNING STRATEGY: 1. Begin in a positive state of mind. Think of a time when you succeeded and felt good, rather than

when you failed and felt bad. Remember to anchor ANY empowering states you’d like to recall. “Think of a time when you succeeded at learning quickly and easily.” 2. Chunk down appropriately to a manageable task to avoid overwhelm. 3. Know your desired outcome. - “How will you know when you’ve learned that?” 4. Make appropriate comparisons that give you a feeling of accomplishment. NEVER make comparisons to an expert or an ideal self, but ONLY to your ability in the past. 5. Manage your expectations. Expect to not understand some things all the time. Stay excited about your ability to learn things, set it aside and come back to it later when feeling better. 6. Acknowledge your outcomes and anchor them with positive self-talk. Eliminate model-operators of necessity in regards to learning, “I must learn this...“ or “ I should know how/what this is...” 7. Future pace and link to some time in the future when you’ll need the positive experience.

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by John James Santangelo

BE PURPOSEFUL~ Find your bliss, Set desirable goals, Take immediate action.

BE RESPONSIBLE ~ Dependable, Efficient, Effective, Pull your weeds.

BE POSITIVE ~ Self-talk, Affirmations, Audio tapes, Healthy environment.

BE HEALTHY~ Balanced meals, Exercise daily, Don’t pollute body,(Smoking, drinking, drugs).

BE GIVING~ Practice Kindness, Spiritual wholeness, Gratitude, Offer your services, WWJD.

BE WELL READ~ Read daily, School yourself, Listen to audio tapes, Keep a journal.

BE INTEGRITABLE~ Do what you say- and say what you mean, Keep your word.

BE PREPARED~ Know the obstacles, Know your results, Be flexible.

Rules On Being Human

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This is just a sample of the 101 empowering questions taken from my book: Asking The Right Question... Santangelo (2007)

“Asking the right question is half the answer.” Aristotle, (384-322 BC) I believe what he meant is in the very nature of your ability to properly formulate a question, inherently lays the wisdom to manifest the solution and find an answer to any challenge. Formulating more empowering questions will allow the answers to come quickly and easily, which will be the key to unlock the door to all possibilities.

1. What if a miracle happened tomorrow morning and you awoke to realize all your fears which use to hold you back in your relationships and your career were completely gone, how would you live your life differently from this day forward? 2. What am I afraid of, and how does it hold me back? 3. If I can change one thing about myself what would it be? 4. Have I forgiven the people who have wronged me most? Why not? 5. What are the top three things I value most in my life? 6. What true success have I accomplished which I am most proud of? 7. Do I risk enough in my life to challenge myself everyday? 8. What three things would my friends say about me? 9. How can I be more connected to GOD? 10. If I could snap my fingers and instantly change careers, what would I love to do? 11. Your life is your movie script, how would you write it to play out until The End? 12. What are my best traits and characteristics, and who did they come from? 13. When *&%#! HAPPENS, do you react from it or do you respond to it? 14. If you weren’t living this life, what wasn’t the problems you didn’t have then? 15. What was the one thing I learned most about myself from all my relationships? 16. If I hired a life coach, what three areas would I focus right now? 17. What pleasure seeking patterns can I choose rather than pain avoiding ones? 18. How do I motivate myself to take massive action? 19. What is my definition of success and how can I use it to empower and motivate myself? 20. Do I allow abundance and prosperity to flow into my life? 21. How can I start living the life I’ve only imagined? 22. How do I express my love for someone? 23. What would your eulogy say about you if YOU were to write it? 24. How would I introduce myself to God? 25. Today is the LAST day of the rest of your life… now what?

Asking The Right Question...

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“The only difference between you today and you five years from now, are the books you read and the people you meet.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Bible – Apostles, Disciples, and a carpenter named ‘Jesus’ Awaken the Giant – Anthony Robbins (1991) How to Win Friends and Influence People – Dale Carnegie (1936) See You at the Top – Zig Ziglar (1979) Power of Positive Thinking – Dr. Norman Vincent Peale (1952) Think and Grow Rich – Napoleon Hill (1937) Psycho-cybernetics – Dr. Maxwell Maltz (1960) Psychology of Achievement – Denis Waitley New Fit or Fat - Dr. Covert Bailey (1982) The Psychology Of Persuasion - Robert Cialdini Ph.D. (1984) The Path – Laurie Beth Jones (1996) 7 Habits of Highly Effective People- Steven R.Covey (1989) Speak and Grow Rich - Dottie Walters (1989) Made in America- Sam Walton (1993) Grinding It Out- Ray Kroc (1990) 8 Weeks to Optimum Health- Andrew Weil M.D. (1998) In Search of Excellence-Tom Peters (1982) Manifesting Your Destiny- Dr. Wayne Dyer (1998) The Seven Spiritual laws of Success- Deepak Chopra M.D.(1994) I’m Rich Beyond My Wildest Dreams- Thomas and Penelope Pauley (1999) The Purpose Of Your Life- Carol Adrienne (1998) Quantum Healing- Deepak Chopra M.D. (1989) Move Your Stuff, Change Your Life; Feng Shui - Karen Rauch Carter (2000) The Power Of Flow- Charlene Belitz/ Meg Lundstrom (1998) Love, Medicine, and Miracles – Bernie Siegel M.D. (1998) You Can Heal Your Life – Louise Hay (1999) Rich Dad, Poor Dad – Robert Kiyosaki (1999) Molecules Of Emotion - Candace Pert Ph. D. (1999) 1001 Ways To Be Romantic – Gregory Godek (1993) Creative Visualization – Shakti Gawain (1978) The One Minute Manager - Ken Blanchard (1982) Presenting Magically - Tad James MS (2001) The Hidden Messages In Water - Masaru Emoto (2004) The Power Of Now - Eckhart Tolle (1998) Power vs. Force - David Hawkins MD (2002) Good To Great - Jim Collins (2001) Raving Fans - Ken Blanchard (1993) The Power Of Intention - Dr. Wayne Dyer (2005) Words That Sell - Richard Bayan (2006) The 21 Irrefutable Laws Of Leadership - John Maxwell (2007) Biology Of Beliefs - Bruce Lipton Ph.D. (2008) Twitter Power - Joel Comm (2009) Outliers - Malcolm Gladwell (2009)

Best Read Books

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The wheel of life represents balance in your life and enables you to take inventory of your current life status. Starting with the center of the wheel as zero and the outer edge as ten, rank your level of satisfaction with each area by drawing a straight or curved line to create a new outer edge. (example to right) The new perimeter represents your new wheel of life. Life is a journey, but how is the ride? Smooth or bumpy? Improper balance of the wheel begins with improper decisions. Great decisions are made when we gather proper information and be courageous in our actions to move in the direction of our dreams. Use this as an assessment to take your next step toward manifesting prosperity. Also our Success Coaching can help you balance out your life. We help you design a goal-setting campaign together and set a course of action to achieve it.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2

Wheel Of Life

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1. When do you feel your best? a) in the morning b) during the afternoon & and early evening c) late at night 2. You usually walk a) fairly fast, with long steps b) fairly fast, with little steps c) less fast head up, looking world in the face d) less fast, head down e) very slowly 3. When talking to people you a) stand with your arms folded b) have your hands clasped c) have one or both your hands on your hips d) touch/push person to whom you are talking e) play with your ear, touch chin, or hair 4. When relaxing, you sit with a) your knees bent, your legs neatly by side b) your legs crossed c) your legs stretched out or straight d) one leg curled under you 5. When really amused, you react with a) a big, appreciative laugh b) a laugh, but not a loud one c) a quiet chuckle d) a sheepish smile

Take the test below and Be honest with yourself! It’s a psychological profile, so don't be overly sensitive! The following is generally accurate and only takes 2 minutes. This real test is given by many major corporate human relations departments today. It helps them get better insight concerning their employees and prospective employees. 10 simple questions, use pencil and paper to keep track of your letter answers. Have FUN!

6. When you go to a party or social gathering a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices b) quiet entrance, look for someone you know c) make quietest entrance, stay unnoticed 7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted; do you ... a) welcome the break b) feel extremely irritated c) vary between these two extremes 8. Which following colors do you like most? a) Red or orange b) black c) yellow or light blue d) green e) dark blue or purple f) white g) brown or gray 9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep, you lie a) stretched out on your back b) stretched out face down on your stomach c) on your side, slightly curled d) with your head on one arm e) with your head under the covers 10. You often dream that you are a) falling b) fighting or struggling c) searching for something or somebody d) flying or floating e) you usually have dreamless sleep f) your dreams are always pleasant

Personality Test

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POINTS: 1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6 2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1 3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6 4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1 5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2 6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2 7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4 8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1 9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 1 10. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1 Now add up the total number of points. OVER 60 POINTS: Others see you as someone they should "handle with care" . You're seen as vain, self-centered, and who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become deeply involved with you. 51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because o f the excitement your radiate. 41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out. 31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken. 21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then, usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature. UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions & who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything. They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some think you're boring. Only those who know

Personality Test cont.

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Glossary of Terms Anchoring - the process of making associations that work through conscious choice so that you can re-access your own or trigger others' chosen state when appropriate.

Association - the state of being inside your own skin, seeing the world from your own eyes, hearing the world from your own ears and feeling the emotions of the situation, whether current, remembered or imagined.

Beliefs - assumptions we make about ourselves, about others in the world and about how we expect things to be. Emotionally held options treated as facts and the basis of our everyday decisions, skills and behaviors.

Congruence - having all parts of yourself working in harmony; being at one with yourself.

Criteria - the values and standards used as the basis for decisions.

Dissociation - the state of observing yourself as if you were an outsider. Seeing and hearing yourself from the outside. The effect of dissociation is to disconnect from emotions.

Eye accessing cues - movements of a person's eyes that indicate visual, auditory or kinesthetic (feelings) thinking.

Filters - levels of thinking that determine where we put our attention and consequently what constitutes perception. These filters determine how we respond to situations and people.

Frame - the focus of attention you give to something.

Logical levels - a form of personal and organizational hierarchy of how effectively we bring about change for ourselves or for others. Consisting of environment, behavior, capabilities, values, beliefs, identity and purpose.

Meta Model - a series of devices for achieving a better understanding of vague language patterns, including specific questions for added clarification.

Metaphor - having a parallel means of describing or observing. Metaphors can be parables, stories, analogies, pictures, actions. Often used to influence the unconscious mind and bypass conscious resistance.

Metaprograms - internal filters which people use to sort the information they receive in a systematic way, and which then determine their behavior.

Modeling - the process of understanding the thoughts and actions that enable someone to accomplish a task excellently. The conscious, but especially unconscious strategies in order to duplicate the results achieved.

Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) - the study of the structure of subjective experience. A process of modeling which explores the dynamics between mind/body, language and how their interplay affects our behaviors.

Outcome (well formed) - a goal that is characteristic of someone who consistently achieves what they want in ways that are a win for others as well as themselves. It involves the use of all senses, including emotion.

Pacing - respecting the values, the needs and the style of another person in a way that leads to rapport. Going along with aspects of what is important to another and yourself.

Predicates - the words we use that differentiate between Representational Systems.

Rapport - a process of building a sustaining relationship of mutual trust, harmony and understanding.

Reframing - considering an issue from many different aspects. The ability to make meanings of events in ways that work for you and create desirable emotional states.

Representational Systems - representation of information internally through our basic senses, i.e. pictures (visual), sounds (auditory), feelings (kinesthetic), taste (gustatory), and smells (olfactory).

Strategies - a set of thinking and behavioral steps to achieve a result.

TOTE (test - operate - test - exit) - the feedback loop used to guide behavior.

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Five-Step Selling Process There is no such thing as selling... people must BUY from you when creating a monetary transaction. Buying is simply put, a decision making process. And it is based solely upon HOW we feel at the moment of that decision. People DO NOT buy products or services, they buy FEELINGS! Period! How they feel about the product or service is the determining factor in what they DECIDE to buy. Therefore, if you, as the salesperson cannot create an atmosphere of trust and likeability you are guaranteed the prospect will not buy from YOU!

“People buy emotionally and then justify their decision logically!” The challenge with most sales books and programs is that they try to teach you to persuade an individual they need your product or service. But the successful salespeople of today’s new paradigm of selling understand that’s it’s to help people decide how you can fulfill THEIR buying strategy. The idea is to help guide and influence them to DECIDE your product is the one that fills their wants and needs. Individuals BUY because of only 3 reasons; 1. They can communicate their needs, they’re listened to! 2. They LIKE you, thus Trust you. 3. They FEEL good about you, your product and most importantly themselves. 1. Establish Rapport - Energy = (Set your confidence anchors) - Likeability = Trust - Create Rapport 2. Ask Questions - Shows interest / (Set reassurance anchors) - Focuses attention / intention (use directional language) - Gathers information 3. Find Need & Value - Uncover needs (Meta-Model Questions) - Agreement frames ( “I agree. I respect, I appreciate.”) - Bridge understanding ( parrot back or Reframes) 4. Link Need To Product - Hypnotic language - Conditional close ( “What if... Imagine... Because... ) - Fire off anchors of Trust 5. ASK For Sale - Language ( “How can we... ?” ) - If no, return to #3 - Future pace package / Fire off Trust anchors

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When was the last time you accomplished something outstanding? Do you remember what was happening in your life at that moment, what you were doing, who you were inspired being around, what you were feeling? Which if you could create that state of mind at anytime you would be able to ‘fly faster than a speeding bullet’ and ‘leap tall buildings in a single bound.’ What if you could take complete control of your entire life, consistently, everyday? How would your life become different? Do you understand the depth of this question? This is the number one challenge with every individual I consult with. How to take full responsibility of your life and move you in the direction you could only imagine. This is specifically what our Personal and Professional Coaching gives you, the ability to empower yourself on an on-going basis! The ability to ACT! Developing a partnership with us as your Success Coach, we’ll begin by making an initial assessment of where you are, then define ‘what’ specifically you ultimately desire, teach you to expand your creativity and create more flexibility, then guide and empower you to act, making your future so compelling, it will actually feel as if it’s drawing you towards it. One of your greatest investments you will make in life, will be in yourself. Though, we're often too busy or distracted to focus on who we really want to become. There are three essential steps: 1. Define who you are. 2. Design clear outcomes for your life. 3. Determine to empower yourself to action. We are experts in behavioral change technology, which when you apply to your success, you create a whole new path for your life to travel upon, and the road to success is a whole lot smoother having a map and a guide to make your journey FUN! Our professional long distance Executive Phone Coaching service frees you not only from the expense of having to travel, it allows you the freedom of maintaining a schedule that is conducive to your busy life style. Receive assistance in the comfort of your own home or office! Most coaching partnerships last Coaching is one of the fastest growing new professions. What is the appeal? Recent issues of Newsweek, Money Magazine and the Wall Street Journal urge professionals to avail themselves of the services of a personal coach. Why? Dedicated athletes use coaches to increase their focus and to provide support, structure, and ongoing accountability to prepare them for winning competitions. So, take the next step in your evolution, make an appointment for a free consultation. Let’s find out how you can take control and move your life in a more empowering direction! Live the life you really deserve worth living. It’s easy as picking up the phone and making a change. Give me a call and lets find out how we can work together to produce the outstanding

results you’ve been looking for: (888) NLP - Coach or send me an email at: [email protected] or visit - www.JohnSantangelo.com

Success Coaching

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Coaching is the art of conversationally creating a context for change to occur naturally. Coaching is a profession, confidential relationship between two people based upon openness, honesty and integrity, with the intention of assisting the client in living a congruent and fulfilling life based upon their values, goals and outcomes. by John Overdurf and Julie Silverthorn Professional Coaching is an on-going relationship which focuses on clients taking action toward the realization of their visions, goals or desires. Coaching does use a process of inquiry and personal discovery to build the clients level of awareness and responsibility, and provides the client with structure, support and feedback! From Professional & Personal Coaches Association 2007

• Coaches subscribe to common philosophies and objectives. • Coaching helps individuals and organizations to develop results more rapidly. • Coaching focuses on goals the client chooses. • Coaching is tailored to the needs of the individual. • Coaching is interactive. • Coaches elicits solutions and strategies for the client. • Coaches provide a fresh perspective on their map of their world. • Coaches help their clients build on their natural abilities and strengths. • Coaches believe that the client has all the resources they need to succeed. • Coaches believe the client is responsible for change and doing the work. • Coaches look at how all the parts of a person’s life work together . • The power of the Coach comes from the relationship between the coach and client!

From International Coaching Federation 2007 The Optimal Coaching State - Use these 3 steps before moving into work with your client. Establishing these steps creates an unconscious “uptime” focus. It’s the difference between “trying to focus” versus focusing naturally. 1. STOP The World And Become Curious About The Client.

• Up-time trance. • External Focus / Expanded awareness. • Equanimity / equilibrium of diverse human emotions.

2. Hold Positive Intent For Client -

• No matter what, they’re MORE than that. • Clients are MORE than what they consciously know. • They are MORE than their problems.

3. Make A Connection

• Pay attention to space between you and client. • Check your internal cues • Mirror and match just important variables.

Success Coaching cont.

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My philosophy is founded upon my integrity and reputation to encourage the many committed individuals, which come to me to create, learn, and foster growth beyond their expectations. The sincerest form of praise comes from my client testimonials expressing their appreciation and gratitude for all the support I have provided them. "Your unique and unparalleled efforts to customize Neuro-Linguistic Programming training for military applications has significantly contributed to the overall high state of readiness of US Army Special Operations Command's Counterintelligence and Human Intelligence elements. Your specialized training reflects a great credit upon your organization." Chief Alan Gruel – US Army Special Operations Command “For many of them that have no hope and confidence in there lives, I know this was the first time the idea of visualizing representations and writing it down of things they can manifest into their lives had a major impact. It is a true gift and a blessing you are sharing with us and we are all so much the better by having you come into our lives. Your light and spirit shine so brightly, John. God Bless You!!! Word of mouth has many clients asking about your next workshop.” Donna Fontaine - Retention Specialist Chrysalis-Homeless Rehabilitation Program “John, in my career I've had the opportunity to hire hundreds of professional sales trainers and seminar leaders and I can say unequivocally that you rank with the best of the best! Your background in clinical psychology and your depth of understanding of human behavior, together with your passion and enthusiasm to inspire change sets you apart. Alan Randal - Director, Marketing & Sales, WellPoint Health Networks “You were the BEST speaker we’ve ever had! Your deliverance of the materials was unsurpassed, and you kept everyone’s enthralled! We recognized the traits of our non-verbal communication and now we have a better understanding of why people react to us.” Jane Larsen – President, Xerox Management SoCal.

“John, thank you so much! They loved you; you are enthusiastic, extremely informative and enlightening. You managed to capture the attention of the entire room (of AGENTS) and everyone left motivated and better equipped to communicate with themselves and others and most importantly; they learned how to motivate their clients to buy.” Susan Gelt - Manager, Ranked #1 RE/MAX Realtors Office In The Nation “Great people are able to do great kindness, John serves as an example of that outstanding encouragement, support, and inspiration to all he touches.” Doris Susca – John’s Mom

Testimonials

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Wordpress Websites Video Tutorials My PC Training Center, www.MyTrainingCenter.com Internet Audio & Video for a $1. a day Audio Acrobat, www.JohnSantangelo.AudioAcrobat.com Web Site Design Patrick O'Connell, www.317Studio.com World’s Leading Marketplace For Services www.Fiverr.com World-Class Anxiety Relief Services BrightLife Phobia & Anxiety Release Center, www.FearIntoPower.com Internet Marketing, eCommerce, Online Video Tutorials Bart Smith, www.TheMarketingMan.com Online Computer Video Tutorials, www.MyTrainingCenter.com Shopping Carts & Internet Marketing Tools, www.MyMarketingCart.com Password Management Software www.RoboForm.com Coaching Certification Training Mandy Pratt; www.ResultsInCoaching.com World's Best Cookies

Resource Experts

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“Asking The Right Question...” Book ……………....……..…. $20 101 empowering questions to renew your thinking, focus your intent and improve the quality of your life. Learn to ask better questions of yourself!

“Harmony In Hypnosis - Stress Reduction” CD ………....…. $20 Listen to this CD and learn how to eliminate daily stress, relax your body& mind, and learn to respond appropriately to stress-full situations!

“NLP Introduction 101” CD .....................................................$20 NLP - the cutting edge of human development. Utilize your full potential by tapping into your personal power to manage your emotional states!

“Manifesting Abundance” 4-CD Audio Set ....…...……..….... $50 Listen to this LIVE workshop and learn HOW to tap into the secret of manifesting abundance. Design a life of passion and purpose!

“Affirmation ” CD Audio Program ..... ..…………...……..….... $20 RE-program your mind for success, listen these 280 positive affirmations on Wealth, Relationships, Health & Spirituality. 4 complete tracks; 70 Affirmations each, embedded with a wonderful hypnotic soundtrack. “Road Map To Success” Book ……...........………....……..…. $20 Twelve authors impart their success strategies and principles to define, guide and create your future. This is a definitive guide to brining it all together. Learn from twelve masters that have created and living it Now! TOTAL $ ______

Maximum Success Empowerment Products

John James Santangelo’s - LANLP.COMlanlp.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/SpeakUp-Workbook.pdf ·...

Documents

Transcript of John James Santangelo’s - LANLP.COMlanlp.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/SpeakUp-Workbook.pdf ·...