Jayda Speaks

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Straight Talk with Jayda Jayda Cabbell, Life Guidance Counselor answers questions sent in on Life, Love & Faith.. What is love? Love is God. God is Love. Love is forgiveness, hope, compassion, serving, and happiness. Love is the sun and the moon; it travels but never disappears. To me love is the air we breath we need love to survive.

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Jayda Cabbell, Life Guidance Counselor answers questions sent in on Life, Love & Faith..

Transcript of Jayda Speaks

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Straight Talk with Jayda

Jayda Cabbell, Life Guidance Counselor answers questions sent in on Life, Love & Faith..

What is love?

Love is God. God is Love. Love is forgiveness, hope, compassion, serving, and happiness. Love is the sun and the moon; it travels but never disappears. To me love is the air we breath we need love to survive.

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Do you think it takes two to make relationships work or do you think that’s cliché? It definitely takes two to work in any relationship. This starts with the relationship with our Father in heaven. We have to acknowledge Him prior to having any successful relationship outside of Him. Both parties have to support each other, engage, help the other where one falls short, continue to encourage each other and insure the other feels loved and appreciated.

With all that you have been through with Hurricane Katrina, your ex-husband and son being incarnated how do you continue to smile and keep the faith?

I have kept and keep the faith because of what I have seen God do in my life many times before. I think of Hurricane Katrina and the aftermath, the process of trying to find myself and rebuild, being homeless not once but three times after, I can say that He had my back through it all. I learned a lot during those times, most importantly I found who I was in Him.

My marriage taught me patience, long-suffering and how to love despite how I felt after an argument, after dealing with infidelity, trying to figure one another out and more. My marriage thought me so much; I think it was ground zero for my mission of unconditional love.

My son was arrested during a time in our life you would lest expect. He had everything he needed, a car, a job, shelter, food and no responsibilities to say the least. Yet despite all he had I had a feeling for 7 months that something was going on with him. The day he went to jail, I had no idea what happened, I just felt a peace that he was okay and I would not be burying him. I knew God had him and whatever the purpose was it would be revealed.

Those events showed me that I had finally understood the scripture “and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus”-Philippians 4:7 because I had finally felt this amazing peace.

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How and when did you discover your purpose in life?

Hurricane Katrina was a huge blessing for me. I had been walking in my purpose unbeknownst to myself since I was a little girl, it was not until after the hurricane that I realized I was walking in my calling. I was called to make people feel good, whether through feeding their souls with encouragement or feeding their stomachs with something I created in the kitchen. I knew then after that devastation that my purpose was to feed souls and stomachs with compassion, joy and love. Doing so came naturally.

How do I know what God plans are for me?

God has a plan for every human and creation on this earth. Whatever you are passionate about there is where you will find your purpose. Walking in your purpose should feel good. It should be something if you had the opportunity to do it for free you would jump on it.

Take a moment to write down the jobs you’ve had, the volunteer services you have offered at church or in your community. If you see something repetitive despite the difference in the fields then that’s your purpose. Take it to God and ask Him how you can effectively walk into your purpose. He will give you the tools, resources and maybe the person or people you need to connect with to walk fully into your destiny.

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How do you love so hard and make it seem do easy?

I have always loved everybody, but the burning desire to love hard came after Hurricane Katrina. Prior to Katrina I was a mess! All over the place; looking for the wrong kind of love in all the wrong places. I would seek revenge on anyone who hurt me. I operated on the fact that because I loved hard and unconditionally everyone “owed” me the same fate.

It was not until one faithful day I was walking the streets of Detroit right after the hurricane this guy walked up to me and handed me a cd. The cd was a mix-tape of gospel artist; this cd was a huge blessing! Mind you, I was introduced to the Lord when I was 5 years old, I had been going to church all my life, but something about this cd changed the way I felt inside. Listening to Martha Munizzi’s “I was created to make your praise glorious” broke me down in a good way.

I felt as if I was weeping in the arms of God. I felt a love like I had never felt before. It was a love encounter that came with a guarantee that I never had to look for or demand to be loved from anyone one else. Here I was safe, fed, and sheltered while many others back home were still trying to find refuge. God showed me how much He loved me after all the years of walking out of my purpose and running from Him – I knew then I could, correction I had to offer the same to others. It became my mission.

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How did you forgive your dad and how did you start coming around to him?

My dad and I had a crazy relationship mainly because I expected more from him then he could give me. I expected him to give me something he didn’t have or had never experienced. It wasn’t until I realized I was expecting something from my earthly father that was available from my Father.

When God showed me that my dad was giving me all that he had and that he was still grooming him to be the man He called him to be I was able to release all bitterness towards my dad and love on him. I’m so grateful I let go, I love my dad so much and I value our relationship. I couldn’t imagine my life without him.

Why did I involve myself with my girl’s dad when I know he was my downfall the whole time?

I know for me I realized I subjected myself to toxic relationships because I did not realize my worth. Once I started to see myself through the lens of God and whom He intended me to be toxic relationships started to diminish. In some instances I would realize later that some of those toxic relationships ended without me putting in effort into it. During the process of asking God to make me over I asked Him to remove people and things out of my life that would not bring Him glory and He answered. I would advise you to practice that prayer and when God releases you out of the relationship don’t cancel out the blessing by trying to hold on to it. You can have a productive co-parenting relationship without going deeper. The children will be blessed in the end.

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How do you know when you love someone?

Relational love is felt in the heart. It’s felt in the presence of the person, its felt when you are alone and thoughts of the individual comes to mind. This love is very unconditional. Even if the person you love brings on a different type of emotion the love should still be there despite the disappointment –it never waivers. Even if the relationship did not last the love for them always will.

Relationships to just kicking it to one day getting serious. Is this the steps to a marriage under Gods order?

Relationships, just kicking it (whatever that means), to marriage should all fall under Gods order. Everything we do, every relationship should be pleasing to God. Respect, loyalty and compassion should start prior to marriage and continue after the “I do’s”.

How long is too long to be in a relationship before getting married?

I feel and believe marriage is one of Gods greatest blessings. The bible speaks “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and receives favor from the Lord”

I've seen relationship where both parties held a love for God and each other on the same level walk in unforeseen blessings like never before.

If both parties love each other, witness growth in dating, and push each other to walk into their destiny what's the purpose in waiting countless years to receive the blessing of a “good thing”.

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How do you trust and love in today’s world that is so full of mistrust & relationship game playing?

I’ve learned that people are going to either love or hate. I understand there is a fight against darkness and in the fight light always wins. I also understand that nothing outside of the promise of God is promised. I put my trust in God -in doing that I can live freely, love freely without worrying about the way of the world or joining the darkness, the game playing or intentionally hurting others.

How can I remain strong through adversity?

Trusting, knowing and believing that God will see you through. When adversity comes my way I immediately look for the good in it. I ask myself “How can this situation bless me or someone else for that matter?” There’s always a lesson and a blessing if we see past the circumstance.

When family is your enemy, want to see you fail, talks about you like a dog -how do you move from that with out treating them like a stranger in the street?

Love them, pray for them and focus on your purpose. It’s okay to distance yourself while praying for God to open and soften their heart. Growing into your purpose in a toxic environment is almost impossible for anyone, especially if it’s family causing the hurt and pain.

There’s a scripture in the bible where Jesus said, “follow me and let the dead bury their own dead” – Matthew 8:22 this scripture speaks volumes to me. When the spirit is not lined up with the spirit of God it’s dead, purposeless. This causes individuals to constantly hurt others because the spirit of the Lord is vacant.

The only thing you can do is follow Jesus, pray for them and keep it moving. Trying to fix it on your own, staying in the situation and crying victim is opposite of your purpose. There are no victims in Christ only Victors! Receive and believe this for yourself and your family.

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What is your quiet time with God? And how has it evolved?

My quiet time is but not limited to when I wake up in the morning. When I first started practicing “being still” before the Lord it was just a 5-minute prayer, it has evolved over the years into prayer, devotion and bible study. I get up early enough before the children to have this quiet time. The days I get up late this still remains I don’t do anything until I have had this time with God. It’s my spiritual vitamin to function.

How do you make it work on your behalf even when you have falling out of love with your husband?

I don’t believe marriages were intended to work on behalf of one individual per se. Marriage is a bond of two individuals who are supposed to love one another like Christ loves the church. If you are not in love with your husband you are not only hurting him but also yourself and children if children are involved.

Have you prayed and asked God to restore the love that you once felt, have you traced back to what may have caused this so the two of you could work together on resolving that issue?

Marriages are meant to be beautiful example of Gods love to give Him glory. I would ask that you open your heart to have the desire to make your marriage work for the sake of love, your marriage, and your husband. Ask God to speak to your heart. Only God can open your eyes to see the next step in your union.

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How do I exit toxic relationships in a Godly manner without being hurt or causing it?

Praying and fasting is very beneficial and key to exiting a toxic relationship in peace -I fast and prayed for two years prior to leaving my husband. I believe had I not done that I would have been a mess because he was the love of my life and I was still in love with him. Leaving when it was time made it easier for the both of us. I was able to leave with a peace that I would be okay and I was doing the right thing.

Am I wrong for being so forgiving & in expectation of a better person in "not so great, toxic" people? Including family.

NEVER!!!!!! Next to love, forgiving is a major part of living in peace and surviving in this crazy world. Forgiveness is FREEdom! You have the power to forgive; God has the power to change them. With that being said sometimes you have to forgive and keep it moving. Keeping it moving does not mean that you love them any less.

If this person(s) is known for taking you out of character, outside of the fruits of the spirits then this takes away from your purpose to be a light. It’s better to forgive, keep it moving, love and lead by example from a distance.

How do I empower others when I need empowering?

Knowing who you are in God, encouraging yourself in Him and His word with scriptures like “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” –Philippians 4:13, “Be strong and courageous” – Deuteronomy 31:6, God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”-Psalm 46:1 and serving others. Finding someone with more problems to serve keeps me grounded.

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How do you find peace with a friend who has hurt you?

First finding peace with yourself in the fact that you didn’t do anything wrong or caused or contributed to this pain, then be thankful. God will move people out of our lives by showing us who they really are. Yes, it hurts but it’s a process we have to go through.

How can I fall in love over and over again with my husband?

By never stopping, by always looking for something new in him to fall in love. It can be something as simple as him taking his clothes out of the dryer for the first time or letting the toilet seat down. There’s always an opportunity to find something new in him to love.

Can I be in love with my husband, even if I was in love with someone else in the past?

If there is love in your heart, yes, but you have to ask yourself the hard questions “was I ever in love with him”? Can I let go of the memory of my former lover? You will never give your husband the love he deserves with the constant thoughts of your former love.

How can I know if my husband has truly forgiven me when I hurt him?

Is he still bringing the situation up? Does he seem distant? If the answer is no sounds like he has forgiven you. My question to you would be -have you forgiven yourself? Do you bring up the situation up when other issues arise? The freedom of forgiveness has to come from within to experience it. I pray that you have repented and forgiven yourself so you can experience the love of your husband if he has forgiven you. If not ask God to soften his heart to forgive you, to love you and trust you again. Pray without ceasing. Believe!

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Is there such a thing as true love?

Yes, of course -God is love, we were created to love! True love is all around us. I recently received a letter from my 70-year-old friend Billie. Every time I get a letter from her I get excited because I know I’m about to experience a true love story. She wrote about her husband of 50 years losing all of his memory to dementia. In the same paragraph she stated she prays that God will give her the strength to take care of him like he has taken care of her for the last 50 years. She wrote “we made a vow to love one another with everything in us till death do us part. As long as I’m breathing I’m going to do that and hold on to the beautiful memories of the love of my life”. Billie is proof that true love in the flesh is real and God is proof that love lives in Him, love lives in you and me.

How do you take care of yourself while doing so much for others?

God and coffee -more God then coffee! Seriously, I’m still in awe of the supernatural strength. Despite giving so much of myself it does not wear me out. I’m thinking it’s because of the passion and the fact that it’s fun -it never feels like work or giving a lot. I’m truly grateful for this because I have run across people who are tired and need rest from giving. I thank God daily!

What steps to take to silence the mind? Before I can process one thought another one is there.

Writing down your thoughts can help you manage the mind majorly. Write your thoughts on separate pages if you have to. Journaling your thoughts and dealing with one at a time can and will help you focus.

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How do I know if I've truly forgiven someone who continues to sin against me?

When you forgive you are free from the sins of that person. Do you feel freedom or are you still held in bondage to the act? Once you can feel the freedom of forgiveness you are no longer reminded daily or hourly in some cases for that matter of the hurt, you can see past the sin and truly love on this person. Prayer will give you the discernment you may need if you are in a relationship with this individual, if you need to move on and away from this person if the behavior still continues. We continue to receive what we allow.

How did you become this beautiful person that literally can make the worst situation better?

I believe it was in my DNA, I believe it’s in everyone’s DNA we just have to truly tap into. Christ came and died so that we can have life and life abundantly, I believe that with every being of my body. I’m not here to focus on the bad of a situation but find the good and rejoice in living.

Trust me this took a minute for me to understand fully, it didn’t happen overnight. It wasn’t until I looked over the good and the not so good in my life that I realized I overcame each and every one of them with God. If God is in it, if He always pulls me through why worry? Why not enjoy life to fullest when He’s got it under control.

How do you completely forgive someone after they've betrayed you?

Forgiving, let go and live. Forgiveness is more for the person forgiving; it releases you from the bondage from the one who has hurt you.

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What can I, a God fearing woman do to stop allowing myself to fall victim to not so God fearing men.

First you have to know who you are in Christ. Knowing that He created you with a beautiful purpose. Then going in every relationship prayerful asking God is he a God fearing man. Knowing to set boundaries in dating, men only go as far as we allow them. Get to know the spirit man before getting to know any other part of him.

Ask him on the first encounter “are you God fearing, what is your time alone with God.” If he can’t answer those two questions genuinely, stop right there. If he answered those two and your feel comfortable moving forward, enjoy the dating process, keeping God in it. Praying together over meals, introducing prayer time with each other. Let the spirit lead you. If you can’t pray with him there’s no need to build something outside of God. Keep it moving! Your Boaz is out there! Trust God.

How do you push past people telling you not to pray for an ex when you feel such unction to do so? Even with their points being valid.

There is never a valid point in telling someone to not pray for ex or enemy for that matter. The word of God says, “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” – Matthew 5:44 Again there’s never a valid point to not pray for someone, anyone.

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I don't know if you can answer this, but how do you forgive someone who violated you. It's easier to forgive people for doing little things but as far as a rape how do you try to press forward and actually forgive it? I still haven't forgiven him and I think it's something I would never be able to do.

From a personal standpoint you are correct I cannot relate to your answer but from a spiritual standpoint and being a mentor to a number of young women who have been sexually and physically abused and seeing their breakthrough I know that forgiveness is possible. You have to want the freedom; you have to want the peace in your life. I can almost guarantee that the person who hurt you does not give the violation placed on you a second thought.

I pray you know and believe that you are beautiful and loved, know that the rape was NOT your fault. Satan “tried” to take you down because of the great purpose in your life; the fact that you are still here is a reminder of the purpose. Know that God does not sleep or slumber, vengeance is His, and He will perfect everything that concerns you. Knowing this I pray you will live on this promise, get some professional counseling if needed and pray for the release of this heavy burden.

There’s a greater purpose waiting, there’s a young lady without the courage to even ask a question such as this or the courage to admit a rape has happened waiting for you, it’s your strength that will save her.

Have you ever dealt with infidelity in a relationship and if so how did you forgive and learn to love that person again?

Yes I have many, many, many times. Prior to my marriage my answer for infidelity was to join them or leave them at a drop of a dime. “You cheat on me I’m cheating on you or you cheat on me peace I’m out” It wasn’t until I developed a stronger relationship with God my attitude changed.

My husband’s infidelity taught me patience, long suffering, forgiveness and unconditional love. I realized once I saw this patterned behavior that it wasn’t the fact that he didn’t love me, the poor man didn’t know how to love neither one of us. He was searching for something he lost during his childhood. I soon learned this was not my battle and getting and staying upset was unhealthy and useless on behalf. Forgiving him was very detrimental in me moving forward with peace and still being able to love and respect him from a distance.

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Do you believe in totally submitting to your husband and how does that make you feel? If you totally submit, does it make you feel less as a woman?

Submitting to your spouse should never make you feel less than a woman especially when it’s the man’s place to lead. The blueprint of the man and woman has been taunted by songs such as “I need an independent woman, I am independent, Miss Independent” etc, etc, in addition to boys being the head of household.

It’s impossible for a woman to submit to a boy. If the husband is a man of God, loves his wife like Christ loves the church, leads his family by great example it should feel natural for the wife to submit and still be comfortable in her own skin.

Being a single mom how do you deal with the day-to-day struggles and tribulations.

I’ve been blessed to experience raising four children both single and married twice. In both marriages I always felt like a single mom handling and attending to every need of my children and stepchildren. Being single again, nothing has changed in my opinion. I have made countless sacrifices for them that they will never know of and it’s worth it. I don’t look at raising my children as a chore but a privilege, a gift from God.

Have you ever felt so low after a failed relationship to the point where as you never wanted to love again?

No, thank God! I LOVE LOVE! We were created to love and be loved.

How did you learn to love again after being hurt?

By knowing and believing that love never dies. We go through seasons in our life; some are beautiful the entire season while others come with storms and darkness. Because of love never dying my heart is always open always loving through all seasons.

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What if the person, who is meant to be your soul mate, comes into your life and you don’t recognize that person?

I don’t think this is possible. I believe that your soul mate can come into your life and things can happen, instances can occur to separate the two of you but to not recognize your soul mate to me is equivalent to having yet met your soul mate. He or She is still out there.

I’m always wondering if I've allowed my potential to slip away from me and is it possible now that I have reached a certain age I should accept the fact that my purpose in life is pass it’s mark?

It’s never to late to walk into your purpose. From the days of the bible to now there are millions who did not recognize their purpose until their latter years. Today, stop asking is it to late and walk into your destiny. Look back at your life over the years and ask yourself what have your been consistent with?

Do you find yourself encouraging and talking to random children? Have you found yourself at a children’s event, sporting game or revival of some sort and it wasn’t your child’s? If so your purpose is with children. Do you dance in the grocery store, around the house or anytime you hear music? Maybe there’s a dance instructor in you or a dance academy waiting to happen? Pray and ask God for clarity.

What is your passion?

Inspiring and motivating others to live on purpose with purpose, walking up to a stranger having a bad day and loving on them, being an overall light. If sharing my testimonies, my triumphs is needed in the efforts of inspiration I’ll passionately share them to encourage them and show them what God can do.

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I have the ability to see the good in some of the worst people. But for some reason I occasionally come across a person that rubs me as just evil and I have know idea why. Do you think these people harbor bad spirits? How can you like them and love them when all of your fibers go against it?

You are blessed with a spirit of discernment. Yes, people do harbor bad and evil spirits; we come across them all the time. You don’t have to like him or her or engage with him or her BUT you were created to love them despite who they are or the evil things they do. The best thing you can do for them is blessing them with love in the way of praying for them. Praying that one-day they will experience the same life you live with good intentions for others, and living a life of happiness and love.

Christians are told that it’s okay to have doubts. I'm not very religious but I do want to believe in God. How did you come to fully believe? When did he show himself to you, so that you knew he was real?

I’m still searching on where I can find that statement “it’s okay to doubt”. I think with doubt comes confusion, comes the feeling of being alone and on your own. Without a doubt I truly believe that Gods presence is real.

I could go on and on sharing the many encounters where I have felt His presence. I have been in situations were bullets were intentionally aimed at me and I know like I know that God was there in the midst, no graze, not a scratch, nothing. After one of the shootings I found a bullet logged into my trunk –that could have been me.

I look back at my crazy wild life; I can’t keep count of the funerals of close friends who were either murdered or have died from AIDS. These are friends who I grew up, ran the streets with. It was God who saved me, it is God who wants to use me and I pray that you will believe and come to know Him for yourself and lose any doubt that He is not here. He’s here and He loves you.

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Readers if you don’t see your pondering question, I would love to answer them. Contact us today.

[email protected]

GODS BLESSINGS & LOVE

Jayda

www.JaydaCabbell.com