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S o u t h e a s t e r n A r i z o n a B e h a v i o r a l

Heal th Serv ices Inc .

Inspirational Quotes To Live By

“Old Man in Sorrow” By Vincent Van Gogh

Can We Learn Lessons When Grieving A Child’s Death?

When a parent experiences the death of

a child many have described this type of

loss as the most difficult. It is naturally

expected by society that our children are

“supposed to” stay young, then grow into

a mature adult, live a full life, and then

pass on after their parents have died. Yet

there have been many cases where chil-

dren have died at extremely young ages

and their parents and communities are

left to think: That child still had their

whole life ahead of them.

Daina Simpson Mahon is an educator in

the areas of Writing and English. Daina’s

daughter Davin was killed on September

25, 2006, when she was twenty-seven-

years-old, as she was riding her bicycle

in California. Daina wrote “Things I’ve

Learned...Since the death of my child on

September 25, 2006” for the Grief Digest

Magazine in December 2013. Her 8 les-

sons are featured in our newsletter to

hopefully help other parents in their grief.

LESSON 1: I’ve learned there really is

rebirth after death…emotionally, physi-

cally, and spiritually for parents who are

left behind when their child is absent.

LESSON 2: I’ve learned Christ really

does offer new life even when you feel

like your soul died with your child.

LESSON 3: I’ve learned no one, not

even loved ones who also experienced

the death of your child truly knows what

you feel, are going through, nor under-

stands the depth of your pain. Each has

a unique grief experience an experience

raised out of a unique bond with your

child. Only you who bore or created your

child’s life, and only you, understand the

blend of suffering that that bond and cre-

ation designs.

Cont. Page 2

this issue

Lessons When A Child Dies P.1

Self-Care Ideas For Coping P.2

Grief and Loss Q & A P.3

Inspirational Quotes P.4

ISS UE

Spr ing 2014

01

SEABHS Grief & Transition Newsletter Issue 01 Spring 2014

Grief & Transition newsletter

AZ PET LOSS SUPPORT

Please find some resources

below to assist AZ mem-

bers with the loss of a pet.

Pet Partners

Scottsdale AZ

www.petpartners.org

Companion Animal

Association of AZ

Phoenix, AZ

www.caaainc.org

Arizona Humane Society

Phoenix, AZ

www.azhumane.org

Hospice of the Valley

Variety of AZ Sites

www.hov.org

The Humane Society

of Southern AZ

Tucson, AZ

www.hssaz.org

Companion Pet Clinic of

AZ

Gold Canyon, AZ

www.goldcanyonvet.com

Pet Loss

Variety of AZ Sites

www.pet-loss.net

Arizona Animal Wellness

Center

Gilbert, AZ

www.arizonaanimalwellne

sscenter.com

For additional information

please visit the Association

for Pet Loss & Bereavement

website at http://

www.aplb.org/ or call the

ASPCA National Pet Loss

Hotline at 877-474-3310.

Wendy Logan, MSW

Grief & Loss Therapist

C: 928-200-5697

Wendy_Logan@seabhssolutions.org

“Grief &

Loss R

ele

ase

” B

y C

harlie

Sp

ea

r

“He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness.” - Alexandre Dumas

“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in

truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” – Kahlil Gibran

“The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude.” - Thornton Wilder

“You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that

they are heavy.” -Unknown

“You couldn’t have strength without weakness; you couldn’t have light

without dark; you couldn’t have love without loss.” – Jodi Picoult

What I’ve Learned Cont.

LESSON 4: I’ve learned to

“own” my feelings and who I

have become. While friends

and family do not feel com-

fortable with my grief ex-

pressions or new persona,

it is acceptable to me. I un-

derstand and accept myself

and my path. I did not

choose it, but I must walk it

in ownership.

LESSON 5: I’ve learned it

is not my responsibility to

assure well-meaning indi-

viduals that I still have a

walk with Jesus though I

may be unresponsive to

them as I trudge through

this storm. Jesus knows.

That’s all that matters.

LESSON 6: I’ve learned to

allow others to grieve their

losses in their own ways

too. Most of us suffer losses

through a myriad of life ex-

periences such as divorce,

loss of jobs, death of a pet,

or the failure of a dream or

goal. These too are real

Her death did not erase her contributions, exu-berance, sorrows, gifts of joy, nor her talents.

Self-Care Ideas For When You Are Grieving

Take a relaxing bath.

Read an inspirational book.

Tour inside antique shops.

Bike ride on a safe path.

Go hiking in a safe area.

Have a picnic w/friends.

Cook or bake a special dish.

Participate in a creative art.

Attend a book reading.

Paint your toe and finger nails.

Write your feelings in a journal.

Take a nature walk w/grandchildren.

Listen to upbeat music.

Attend therapy consistently.

Visit and tour a new place.

Get a good night’s rest.

Sit outside for some fresh air.

Host a “game night” w/friends.

Treat yourself to a snack w/coffee.

Join a book club and/or support group.

Have a “star watch” night w/family.

Post inspirational quotes in settings

where you are a lot of time.

Start an adventure savings fund.

Wake up early to watch the sun rise or

go watch the sunset.

Write poetry and/or short stories.

Participate in a fun-learning class.

Take vitamins and eat healthy.

Spend time with your animal(s).

Participate in an exercise/dance/

meditation class.

Watch a movie for laughter.

Attend a religious function.

Laugh out loud when wanting too.

Work one-on-one w/a life coach.

Buy yourself a gift you’ll enjoy.

Focus on your breathing.

Have your own garden.

Watch your favorite TV program.

Take a mid or late afternoon nap.

Pray to who you believe in.

Become mindful in your actions.

The Elephant In The Room Poem by Terry Kettering

There’s an elephant in the room.

It is large and squatting,

so it is hard to get around it.

Yet we squeeze by with,

“How are you?” and, “I’m fine,”

and a thousand other forms of

trivial chatter.

We talk about the weather;

we talk about work;

we talk about everything else—

except the elephant in the room.

There’s an elephant in the room.

We all know it is there.

We are thinking about the elephant

as we talk together.

It is constantly on our minds.

For, you see, it is a very big

elephant.

It has hurt us all, but we do not talk

about

the elephant in the room.

Oh, please, say her name.

Oh, please, say “Barbara” again.

Oh, please, let’s talk about

the elephant in the room.

For if we talk about her death,

perhaps we can talk about her life.

Can I say, “Barbara” to you

and not have you look away?

For if I cannot,

then you are leaving me alone

in a room—with an elephant.

losses and must be grieved.

Pain is felt. Pain must be

allowed though the loss

seems on a lesser continu-

um to one who has experi-

enced the ultimate loss of a

child.

LESSON 7: I’ve learned

teenagers can be far more

compassionate than we

often give them credit for

being. In my experience,

most of my students step

out of their discomfort when

I am openly and honestly

expressing my grief or shar-

ing memories of my daugh-

ter. Young people more

often express sympathy,

compassion, and consola-

tion whereas many adults

seem incapable or too reti-

cent to respond for fear of

possibly responding incor-

rectly. So, they change the

subject. I then feel dis-

missed and my daughter

and her memory are also

dismissed.

LESSON 8: I’ve learned to

embrace the reality that my

child still matters. Her death

did not erase her contribu-

tions, exuberance, sorrows,

gifts of joy, nor her talents.

These facets of Devin live

in my heart, in the hearts of

others who shared her life,

and in the spirit God gave

her when He gave her life.

LESSON 9: I’ve learned

with a new passion that

God will restore her life

when He returns because

she rests in Him. What

have you learned in your

walk? You matter. Your

knowledge may save some-

one else.

Grief & Loss Seasonal Question/Answer

Q: How long should I keep the belongings

of my deceased loved one?

A: Giving away belongings of your deceased loved one

can be a serious reality check that your loved one is

gone. Many grievers hold onto belongings because

they still feel some essence of their loved one; and it

allows grieving family members to be “stiff in grief.” What happens to

the deceased loved one’s belongings should be the decision of his/her

immediate family. Some families donate belongings to charities; give

certain items to a range of different family members; store the items in

a certain area of the house like a closet or attic; or use some of the

items to create new items like holiday ornaments out of the deceased

child’s toys or a quilt from the adult’s clothing.

There really can’t be a time limit placed on a fami-

ly as to when all items should be removed from a

house. A suggestion would be for the family to do

something special with each other when the family

feels prepared to start moving/giving away items;

such as have a family dinner in memory of the loved

one after packing up items to discuss memories and

how just because there are changes happening

doesn’t mean that the loved one who passed isn’t

with the family. Questions or comments please email :

Wendy_Logan@seabhssolutions.org

“Tears” By TSV

By Dena Lowry

Terry Kettering, “The Elephant

In The Room.” The poem was

received from http://

www.recover-from-grief.com/

poems-for-bereavement.html.

This article was retrieved from the

Grief Digest Magazine website at:

http:griefdigestmagazine.com/2013/1

2/things-ive-learned/?utm_source=

Grief+Digest+March+2014&utm_cam

paign=GD+Mar&utm_medium=email