TRAVISTYIssue 55 - June 2014

THE MAY WEEK ISSUE

!Well, May Week is upon us and Travisty is finally out. We have battled with the leviathan that is NatWest for many a week, as you all toiled through exams and revision, and finally have emerged victorious. Or at least, we have sent them

a letter of complaint for losing our paper work and delaying us from printing.

Due to the evil nature of banking, however, we have had to print less copies. But fear not, for we have launched the FIRST EVER online copy of Travisty. Search your Facebook news feeds for many links

to this we shall be sharing. Travisty has finally embraced the digital age.

So, as we enter this new era, with a very belated first issue of Travisty, we find ourselves asking, what have we learnt

this past exam term? I personally have learnt that prelims are great. Also, that Lawson are headlining our May Ball. And that too much time in the library drives people crazy. But fear not, now you can once again lounge on the backs, Travisty in hand, to ponder the real

quandaries of life as the true Cambridge experience demands. Flip through this

issue to find the best of college proposals, nosy bedder as normal, and, for your eyes only, a one and only exclusive interview with our very own University Challenge

star Ralph Morley. That’s it for now Trinitarians.

Enjoy May Week. Enjoy the sunshine. And most

of all, enjoy the May Ball... because

whatever you do we will write about later. !

Talia xxx

The Weekly Rant!

Mens dress codes P.3

The Nosy Bedder!

Nosier than ever P.9

The Best Proposals!

How he piped the question P.10

The Great Burrells Debate !

Rose Vs. Amelia P.4

Ralph!Exclusive interview in the wake of his

team’s success P.6

Overheard In Trinity!What you’ve been talking about

P.12

Letter from the editor

!Editor: Talia Zybutz Features Editor: James Taylor Creative Director: Thomas Hughes-Mclure

Contributors: Amelia Rowan, Rose Lander, Caitlin de Jode, Harriet Cartledge, Leo Sands, Jessie Barnett-Cox, Elissa Foord, Jack Harding, Jack Winstanley (back page), Talia Zybutz

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THE WEEKLY RANT THOMAS HUGHES-MCLURE QUESTIONS WHY DO MEN ALWAYS HAVE TO LOOK BASIC. The May Ball is almost upon us and we’re all burning up over what to wear. At least some of us are. The rigid conventions that govern mens dress mean half of us will pretty much all look the same.

Whether Trinity’s men opt for white or black tie, there’s not much to set

one apart from the other. In fact, white tie dress is only correct if shirt studs are mother-of-pearl, ivory just won’t do. The double standard in terms of flexibility seems unfair.!

If she puts her mind to it, a woman can easily steal the show at a formal event. Fashion history is littered with iconic outfits, but they were pretty much all worn by women. You don’t have to look back too far, Rihanna’s (frankly pretty gross) Council of Fashion Designers of

America awards dress has been buzzed about since she stepped onto the carpet. Who even knew the

CFDA awards existed until that dress?!

While Rihanna’s “dress” was the work of Adam Selman ( M e l O t t e n b e r g ’ s boyfriend) most stars turn to a certain italian label for that eye catching outfit. Versace has for a long time been the couturier of choice for statement making (or attention seeking) stars. It’s no surprise that the queen of attent ion, Lady Gaga, is the new f a c e o f t h e l a b e l . Donatella’s creation for J L O a t t h e 4 2 n d Grammys made such a splash it rejuvenated Lopez’s career and helped re-establ ish

Versace as a household. The dress was deemed so iconic it now lives a museum, and even has a

wikipedia page called “Green Versace dress of Jennifer Lopez.” Before that came Elizabeth Hurley and her “safety pin” dress (also with it’s own wikipedia page). Which mens outfits have achieved such iconic status? M ichae l Jackson ’s s ing le jewe l led g love cou ld be considered iconic, but such an accessory would be scorned at a white tie event.!

At this year’s Met Gala, the e v e n t o f t h e f a s h i o n calendar, the dress code for men was white tie, the same as the Trinity May Ball. Anna Wintour, the empress of fashion, noted that only one celebrity nailed the look, Bennedict C u m b e r b a t c h . W h i l e Cumberbatch didn’t look bad, I can’t help but feel that he looked a bit boring. The rigid rules of white tie dress don’t leave much space for that personal touch. You can look “dapper” but not “wow”. It’s safe to say no one will remember his outfit in 14 years in quite the same way as Lopez, who wore her tropical creation in 2000.!

At the may ball, most of us men will resign ourselves to letting the ladies bring the “wow” factor and just do our best to not mess up the r u l e s . T h i s s m a c k s o f injustice. I’m not claiming achieving a chic but distinctive look is impossible. Messi’s look for the 2012 Ballon D’or was spot on, the polka dots added panache while still being conformist. However his Dolce and Gabanna suit was a one off creation. McQueen, Gabanna and others make wow factor outfits, but these houses are well out of the price range of most ball goers.!

And while Lopez and Rihanna didn’t get their dresses in Zara, there are plenty of affordable stores selling interesting formalwear for women. This is only possible due to the lack of the ridiculously strict dress conventions which apply to men.!

RIHANNA’S CFDA LOOK

BENNEDICT CUMBERBATCH NAILS

WHITE TIE

MESSI IN DOLCE & GABBANA AT THE

2012 BALLON D’OR

LOPEZ STEALS THE SHOW AT THE 42ND GRAMMY

WARDS

THE GREAT BURRELL’S DEBATE THIS HOUSE WOULD CHOOSE A ROOM IN BURRELL’S FIELD, EVEN IF THEY WERE REALLY REALLY HIGH

UP ON THE ROOM BALLOT

YES Amelia Rowan!Picture the scene. You are lying on a blanket of grass as green as Sir Gregory's Winter's eyes. The air is filled with the scent of fresh flowers. A deer approaches, nuzzles your cheek gently, before frolicking off into the sunset. In the distance, Disney music plays. !Is this my fantasy? Maybe. But it is also Burrell's Field, that mythical place where you can not only walk on the grass, but roll around on it like a Fresher on the floor of Life.!I remember all those years ago when I myself was but a young Fresher, my head full with dreams of one day living in New Court (the shit version of Great Court). But alas it was not to be, and instead I found myself in Burrell's Field.!And what a joyful twist of fate that was.!Due to the restricted Travisty word-count, I do not have enough space to list all of Burrell's many attributes. So I shall list just my top favourite features.!Located next to the phallic beauty that is the UL, the beautific climax to the path fondly known as the Rapey Burrell's Walk, is located Burrell's Field (also known as the social centre of Trinity College).!But Burrell's Field is so much more than just a social hub. Ignoring all the obvious advantages, such as the huge modern rooms with en-suites and window seats (unless you live in the shitty bit. In which case, the rooms are shit. Soz.), Burrell's will also act as your own personal trainer. And not just because it is located right next to the gym (where I spent most of my time). As Burrell's is situated not-so-near the rest of Cambridge, you will have to bid farewell to late-night sober gardies, and instead greet with open arms rock hard calves and perfect skin (all that walking and fresh air). !You will also welcome into your life a new appreciation for nature. There is nothing really like a walk through

Burrell's well-crafted charity garden to calm yourself down before attending whatever work-related stress you are facing that day. There is also nothing quite like a PG-rated fondle beneath the Sex

Bush to relieve any tension you may be experiencing in the infamous exam term. That's right. Trinity College has been kind enough to provide a Sex Bush, a beautifully

hollowed out tree that even has a convenient little path leading into it. I hear its a new Welfare Scheme. !

I feel I have made my case. And if you aren't into beautiful nature, deity-like bodies, or out-door sex...then Cambridge is

probably a great University choice for you. I know I've loved it.

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NO Rose Lander!I give you another scene. It’s deepest, darkest winter, you’re meeting friends for dinner in hall at 6pm and you leave your Burrell’s Field room at 5.30pm to allow for loo breaks. Let the challenge begin! (5 points for anyone who knows that niche high culture reference). !Chapter 1: The Forest. Anything could be in there - hooded creatures who drink the blood of unicorns, giant spiders and even giant giants. !Chapter 2: Queen’s Road. This one’s tricky. You could use the little island to break up the traverse into manageable sections but that involves making a slight detour to the left (to the left, everything you own in a box to the left) and that’s just annoying so you risk it for a biscuit and make the leap.!Chapter 3: The Avenue. Here’s where you take your loo break. !Chapter 4: The Bridge. Yeah it’s a pretty view of the river but who wants to be forced to look at John’s when they’re trying to have a nice peaceful walk in the comfort of their own, superior college? !Chapter 5: New Court. If you make it through without a brick falling on your head or tripping over a badly placed spanner then you deserve that dinner – it’s almost within

reach. !Chapter 6: Nevile’s Court. You run to avoid the accusing glare of the library and when, finally, you make it to the servery you collapse from exhaustion before you even get to taste victory in the form of chicken curry and polenta. !This portrait I have painted for you may seem a ridiculous exaggeration of a spoilt first year, but I’d thank you to take it seriously as it’s actually a recurring nightmare that has tormented me every night since that fateful day in the Easter vac when I received news of my place on the room ballot. 189 out of 195 freshers is not the one. Thankfully, a very kind and generous friend offered to drag me up out of the pits of hell. Yes that’s an extreme metaphor I’ve just used but I can’t help the way I feel. !

VS

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R A L P H

BEHIN

D TH

E LEGEN

D

THE M

AN

T R A V I S T Y C O N G R AT U L AT E S RICHARD FREELAND, RALPH MORLEY, FILIP DRNOVŠEK ZORKO, MATTHEW RIDLEY ON THEIR GREAT WIN

T R AV I S T Y E D I T O R TA L I A ZYBUTZ CATCHES UP WITH U N I V E R S I T Y C H A L L E N G E CAPTAIN RALPH MORLEY TO FIND OUT ABOUT HIS TEAM, THEIR VICTORY, AND WHAT ITS LIKE WHEN YOUR LIFE STARTS TO RESEMBLE STARTER FOR TEN... !We start with the obvious, what is it like to win university challenge? Forgetting the strange way this programme is filmed, I expect recent and jubilant reminiscences. Actually, ‘its the kind of question I wish you’d been able to ask me twelve months ago’, Ralph responds, ‘because we’ve had to keep it a secret for over a year its very odd.’ !!‘By the time we won university challenge’, he adds, ‘they’d filmed this next years series... so in effect we were sort of champions for all about a week before the following years team pitched up and won the series’. !!Strange, to think the victory Trinity is still revelling in was that far away for the team. Still, he admits it was a ‘surreal feeling’, even though University Challenge ‘wasn’t really a programme I... cared about before I got to university’.!!‘I’ve seen starter for ten’, he then goes on to admit, preempting my next question, ‘its one of those things where you think, well, I will end up being like Brian... I will end up being obsessed by it’. !!So, did it live up to the book, I wonder... ‘Mercifully, unlike Starter For Ten we didn’t end up having any awkward love affairs or whatever’, he adds, once again preempting me with his it-wouldn’t-surprise-me-if-psychic university challenge tested mind (we all remember the Margaret Thatcher incident, do we not). !

!Next, we turn to the secret keeping. Despite the hefty contestant agreement, he admits that the task of secrecy was made difficult when ‘some people... asked the right questions’. ‘I’m not good at poker’, he elaborates, ‘I don’t even know the rules of poker if I’m honest’. Those of us watching his ever-neutral face during the University Challenge nights in the bar (me), however, may disagree.!!‘So, what’s it like being captain?’, I ask next.!!His response focuses on the logistics, booking hotel rooms, sorting out trains, general organisation, ‘because in my team we were all very evenly matched... they were just all incredibly clever people’. Travisty does not doubt this. !!Speaking of incredibly clever people, I ask his thoughts on the long-running controversy surrounding Oxford and Cambridge entering so many teams. So controversial, that one year the Manchester contingent protested by answering all questions with famous communist leaders in the hope the round wouldn’t be broadcast.!!‘I understand the complaint’, Morley concedes. Although he points out that ‘the University Challenge producers are quite fair’, matching ‘weaker Oxbridge teams against strong Oxbridge teams’ so that ‘very swiftly those numbers go right down.’ !!If the first 27 teams every year were just Oxbridge, he goes on, ‘that would be horrendously dull and dire’. In the same vein, however, he predicts that ‘if they competed as single entities... you’d have Oxford v Manchester in every final.’ !(continued)

(continued)!

They are ‘separate educational institutions in a way’, he continues, ‘and because of the ways the producers correct for it’ Oxbridge never dominates the final rounds; with only 2 Cambridge and 1 Oxford team reaching the quarter finals this year.!

From Oxbridge politics to Twitter, where Morley has been compared to Sheldon, a short-haired Harry Styles, and even subjected to threats of being punched. !

‘I only created a Twitter account for the purposes of University Challenge’, he admits. The trouble with something like Twitter, he goes on, is that ‘people forget that just because your on the television doesn’t mean that your either a) not a real person or b) a real person who is illiterate’. !

He understands that they don’t mean it personally, ‘its just nice to remind people that we as a team are people too’. !

For those of you who have not had the pleasure of reading Ralph Morley’s Twitter conversations, here is an example:!

Random twitterite: ‘Cannot begin to describe how much Trinity - Morley on University Challenge annoys me. Looking straight into the camera and answering...’!

Ralph: ‘Sorry - its not intentional... we were told to look into the camera!’!

Random twitterite: ‘Feel slightly bad now... Needless to say that you did put on a fantastic performance there. Best of luck in late rounds’. !

One can’t help but agree with Morley that it’s like ‘watching very very small children being caught out by a teacher’. !

It is now clear to Travisty that this year’s University Challenge team is basically just fab. Winning the competition, responding to a hostile twitterati and dutifully keeping the secret of their victory. But what about next year’s team?!

‘The Captain of their team was our reserve, Hugh Bennet’, Ralph responds, ‘That hopefully will have given an advantage, in having someone that’s already been through the process.’ With Ralph describing the coming team as ‘sensible, interesting and quirky’, Travisty has high hopes. !

We end the interview with me telling Ralph that my final question is on general knowledge. He puts his head in his hands.!

Me: ‘The Wife of King Tyndareus of Sparta gave birth to two boys, Castor and Pollus, and two girls, Helen and Clytemnestra, after being seduced by Zeus in what form?’!

Ralph: ‘Uh, a swan was it?’!

Me: ‘I actually don’t have the answer’!

I googled it later... it was, indeed, a swan.

Interview Fact File:!UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE DRINKING GAME!

(as described by Ralph Morley, full details apparently on Facebook)!!

‘You pick one team... so obviously, I mean I hope everyone in Trinity would pick Trinity’!

‘When the other team get points you have to drink’!

Fingers worth for everything they get right or your team get wrong!

Fingers worth for every incorrect interruption!If someone chats back at Paxman, shout

PAXMAN!!!Disclaimer: ‘drink in moderation, kids’!!

HOW DO YOU PREPARE FOR UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE? !

(as advised by Ralph Morley)!!1 - Learn lists if you are good at it!2 - Just procrastinate on Wikipedia!

3 - Learn Shakespeare, Paxman values this

Nosy bedder and marmite - you either love it or you hate it. Whatever your view, we (Travisty) love YOU and want our readers to be the happiest in the world. If you’d like to opt-out of nosy bedder (i.e. not be included in next issue’s column) just email your name to travistytrinity@gmail.com.

Well, well children. It seems you have all finally left the dark gloom of the library and ventured into the light. But with light comes sight, and nosy bedder’s been watching. !

It happens every year, but never fails to anger. And this

year certain individuals have marked themselves out as rising

stars, and I’m not talking about exams. It seems that a queen’s chambers behoves a queen, as one little minx climbs the ranks in more than a single way. But hey, if you can’t walk, why not run… You might get picked. !

We all know exam term can be isolating, but is seems some Trinitarians take this a bit too far. A certain fresher seems be feeling extra lonely as Facebook messages are received by an exclusive few. They say two’s company, and three’s a crowd, but then there’s always four, five and six. And why not share the love?!

For those of you without these elite invitations, however, others have been left in your door. Everything is boring in exam term, but Nosy Bedder knows that you just can’t contain the excitement of a ball. Although apparently some were quite disappointed this year, as Trinitarians will neither be yelling Timber nor Timberlake. !

But fear not. I’ll be there, and as always, Nosy Bedder will be watching.

Going

DOWN

THE NOSY BEDDER

Johns May Ball Travisty exclusive: we heard it’s going to be

really bad this year. As usual.

Going

UP

Agora a new website, you

just sign in with raven and it lists all the

events going on in Cambridge... the

perfect procrastination

Page �9VTRAVISTY

Trinity May Ball it’s finally here and we

couldn’t be more ready. The third best party in the world

awaits...

Term Ending So long, farewell, auf

Wiedersehen, goodbye. We shall miss you over

the long, oh so long, vac.

Bloody Marys they say hair of the dog is the best hang over cure, and here at Travisty we have to agree. Keeping a nice low level of drunk for the whole of May

Week being the best medicine we can offer

Wyverns Every year, the freshers

buy the tickets, and every year it gets worse. Why?

Social thinkers, from Aristotle to modern anthropologists, have long considered the family as the basic social unit: no less is that the case in the social microcosm that is Trinity. !!Within a few weeks of the Freshers’ arrival in October, the hunt was on to secure domestic bliss for the next few years, and, with two terms gone, most of our debutants have now been married off. The warm embrace that both incest and polygamy have received has been a testimony to our College’s culture of tolerance. !!

But there are still a few playing the field. Equally, Nietzsche’s famous remark about college marriage, that ‘it is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages’, has proved all too insightful in some cases, and a few divorcees are also back on the market. !!So, for all of you looking to make love last, at Travisty we thought we’d give you some inspiration as to how to secure your ‘I platonically do’. Here are our top five college proposals.

TRAVISTY TOP FIVE: COLLEGE PROPOSALS

EXAM TERM... A BLEAK AND HOLLOW SHELL IN WHICH LOVE GOES TO DIE? ELISSA FOORD IS HERE TO TELL US IT IS NOT SO.

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Karim Ahmed and Sofia Christensen!Hall was full. Sofia was having dinner, unsuspecting. All eyes fell on an enormous red gift box that seemed to be making its way to high table, but, in fact, was destined for Sofia. She untied the ribbon and found the box almost completely empty. It contained some chocolate and a piece of red card. Karim’s masterstroke was the poem written thereon: a proposal, in French (in acknowledgment of her Senegalese heritage). And, as the couple finish third year, how would Karim rate the marriage? ‘Two years on, we now have two boys and two girls – a solid performance on Sofia’s part’.

Eddie Reynolds and Amy Hawkins!A love-struck Eddie Reynolds left passers-by on Trinity Street cheering last year as he proposed to Amy Hawkins, who was upstairs in an Angel Court Room celebrating her birthday. Tom Faber and Faith Waddell were brought in for backing music (‘She Will be Loved’), as, inspired by Love Actually, Eddie delivered his proposal written on cards. The answer was an instant ‘yes’, which could only be sweetened by raucous congratulations from a passing police vehicle.

Robin Mackworth-Young and Jessie Barnett-Cox !When blushing bride Jessie agreed to marry Robin, it was in answer to a heartfelt, but not spectacular, proposal in the famously romantic Wolfson Building. But, like all late starters, Robin was keen to make up his lost ground. “The Twelve Days of the Mackworth-Young-Barnett-Cox Marriage” ensued. Each day, Jessie received a gift, ranging from chocolates and flowers to a Cath Kidston teapot. Robin admits costs did begin to add up, but ‘worth it for a wife like that’.

Jonny Dillon and Faith Waddell!Jonny kept Faith guessing as, one fateful day, she found a trail of paper hearts leading away from her room. After following this trail, (anatomical) heart in mouth, and reading the riddle Jonny had left her on the wall, she found him standing at the bottom of her staircase. B a c k e d b y a c h e e s y r o m a n t i c soundtrack, he went down on one knee. He then gave her (well, lent her) a Vivienne Westwood ring, to top it all off.

Lara Dearing and Owain Park!Owain put his connections in the Choir to good use in declaring his love to Lara. The bride-to-be was left a note to meet her man in the Chapel, where he awaited her, rose in hand. She was serenaded by the choir, and, when the deal was sealed, the pair left the Chapel to the Wedding March. They celebrated their nuptials at Côte, and are expecting their first children in a few months.

Travisty’s choice.

WRITE FOR TRAVISTY EMAIL: TRAVISTYTRINITY@GMAIL.COM !We’d love to hear your ideas or print your articles.

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‘You see the Wren Library? That was built from the top down because it was before Isaac Newton discovered gravity’ -

passing punter

‘I don’t want to go to Burrell’s’ - demoted fresher

‘Kings looks more magnificent from the front, whereas Trinity is

a bit underwhelming from outside Great Gate. Kings is a

shower and Trinity is a grower’ - overheard in Hall

‘Sainsbury’s is too far, don’t make me go to Sainsbury’s’ -

overheard in Blue Boar

‘Why don’t we just angle our fireworks slightly towards St

Johns at May Ball?’ - anon while walking through Great Court

‘Up there is a statue of Henry VIII, and in his hands he holds a

chair leg, not a sceptre’ - tour guide

‘We’ve all got that friend who can’t handle their drink, and if you don’t, that person is you’ -

‘I am a let-down. I missed a Brunch’ - 3pm on Sunday

‘It was under that tree that gravity was discovered!’ - guide

then points to tree in Angel Court...

OVERHEARD IN TRINITY

Read Travisty online http://issuu.com/travistytrinity